What's all this hoï polloï crowding MY winning thread ?
When will you all understand that the win must be mine ?
The gods of gnomish might will validate me in the end.
Mimemimemi...
Tra la la...
Mmmmmmmmm...
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That's what he gets for singing in G-Flat instead of A-Minor
Well, he's due for a refit. Once every 10,000 melismata is generally the rule.
As for doing 'Barbie Girl' in A Minor, go ahead. We're probably overdue a mopey Emo slowed-down piano and undernourished singing waif version.
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A pale pink sunshade, held up high. And around his ankle was a big black chain, and draggin’ on the chain was a big black ball.
Ring a ding ding ding. Ring ding ding.
Will you please stop "ring a dinging", and help me get rid off this blasted thing!
And give GoatToucher back his sunshade, Jambi doesn't tan, he crisps!
I believe Americans call them 'chips'
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Hee Hee Hee!
Boy, Mr. Grinch and I had so much fun this weekend.
No one escaped unscathed.
Of course, he is still did a whole lot more than me.
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Right you are, Schism, twas a lot of good fun!
*Sees that the letterbox is full of letters and a couple of parcels.*
Looks like we've got some catching up to do!
*Empties the letterbox, most of it is anonymous death threats (so, nothing new).*
Here you go, Schism, this one is for you.
*Passes Schism one of the parcels, opens the other.*
Aha! The new Golden Serpent Snow Globe that I ordered, excellent!
*Notices a couple of postcards.*
What have we here?
*Takes a closer look at the postcards (one is labelled "Heydrich House Party" and the other is "Out in Town").*
They're from Wally (off on another fantastic journey I see!)
*Gives the postcards to Schism to look at.*
What do you think, Schism, think you can find everyone in these pictures?
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Opens the parcel the wrong way.
Oh! A pipe bomb.
Looks everywhere
But there is no card.
I don't know who to send a thankyou note to.
Looks at the postcards.
I see Mr. Wally in all of them, and Mr. Heydrich in one of them.
I see many people I don't know in the rest of them.
Hmm. Well, that's Cher, and, goodness me - who's next to her, but Cher! And behind Cher, look who it is - Cher!
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That explains the challenge of finding people "Cher-ing" at the "Heydrich House Party."
*Looks at postcards in more intense detail.*
OK, I've found everyone, and I'll write down where they are:
Wenda: in the first postcard "Heydrich House Party", she's hidden behind the trio of dragonmaids being bothered by a werewolf. And in the second postcard "Out in Town", she is among a crowd of people crossing the road (plus a zebra).
Woof: in the first postcard, he is hidden behind a bongo drum of Pulg's Fairy Bongo Band (his tail is poking out from behind the drum). And in the second postcard, he is in pet shop (amid other dogs, with all but his tail being shown).
Wizard Whitebeard: in the first postcard, he is drinking with some witches (being partially obscured by a couple of skeletons). And in the second postcard, he is behind the fountain (which is spraying water at some passers-by).
Odlaw: in the first postcard, he is among a group of zombie waiters. And in the second postcard, he is beside a flower stall (where he is being attacked by a plant, along with a nearby bystander, after picking a rose).
Also, I've found the mystery traveller that appears in every scene.
We're a bongo band, not a bonzo band. Get that dog out of here!
Yeah! Rock on, Mothra-flickers!
Lions are flexible. They can do both at once
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*Studies the picture on the third postcard.*
Alright, Wenda is partially obscured by Mother Goose (who is chatting with Bo Peep).
Woof is among a group of leopards (only his head is visible).
Wizard Whitebeard is at the back of the library, in front of a small group of frightened people, defiantly staring down a large fire demon. With his staff raised in his left hand and is clearly telling the demon "YOU, SHALL NOT, PASS!".
And Odlaw is among a group of people running away from some sentient (and very snappy) books.
*Turns away from looking at the postcard for a minute.*
You find out who sent you that pipe bomb yet, Schism?
What pipe bomb?
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Looks bashful.
Hands behind back.
I... lost it.
It was a bagpipe bomb.
'Welcome tae bonnie Stoatland'
The Tawny Squatlund is a fairly deadly owl. Not as deadly as us, of course, but still not to be trifled with.
Or, Smurfs!
Schism sent Schism the pipe bomb. Because Schism.
We did not.
Even when we sometimes find fault with her, hurting her would be hurting ourselves.|
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Ah, hello there, Schism has told me all about you (and none of it good, I'm afraid).
But, regardless of what she thinks, I could use your help.
*Presents the most recent postcard to Schism Hag.*
I've managed to find Wally and the three travellers from the previous scenes. However, I can't find Wenda, Woof, Wizard Whitebeard and Odlaw. Do you think that you might be able to find them? I did ask Schism for help, but she's useless!
Oh, and I've already found the mystery traveller, so don't worry about that.
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Casts all seeing eye.
Wenda is behind the girl with pink pigtails.
Woof is next to the yellow tabby.
Wizard Whitebeard is next to the Man in the Yellow Hat.
Odlaw is next to one of the Beagle Boys.
Did somebody say 'bugle'?
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*Looks back at the postcard, somewhat confused, to verify Schism Hag.*
*Meanwhile, while Sir Limey De Longears ruthlessly slays Champion Bugler Longears.*
Ah yes, I see them now! Wenda is indeed behind a female troll (who has pink pigtails).
The "yellow tabby" that Woof is next to, is actually a spike-covered lizard.
While the "Man in the Yellow Hat", next to Wizard Whitebeard, is a large, sentient mushroom.
And the "Beagle Boys" next to Odlaw, are just a bunch of mushroom thieving trolls.
Still, very good eye. Blame Schism for the bad perception.
Luke Skywalker was lost in space. He had been exploring the galaxy for weeks, searching for answers to the mysteries of the Force. As he flew his X-wing through the vast expanse, he suddenly found himself enveloped in a thick layer of acid clouds.
The acid clouds were so thick that Luke couldn't see where he was going. He tried to use his instruments, but they were malfunctioning. Suddenly, a strange creature appeared out of the clouds. It was Cthulhu, the ancient and malevolent being that was said to be older than time itself.
Luke was surprised to see Cthulhu, but he wasn't afraid. He had faced many dangers in his travels, and he was determined to confront whatever challenge lay ahead. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I am Cthulhu," the creature replied. "I have been waiting for you."
Luke was puzzled. "Why have you been waiting for me?"
Cthulhu laughed. "You are the chosen one," he said. "You are the one who will bring balance to the Force."
Luke was skeptical. "What do you know about the Force?" he asked.
Cthulhu smiled. "I know everything about the Force," he said. "I have been studying it for eons."
Luke was intrigued. "Tell me more," he said.
Cthulhu began to speak, and Luke listened intently. As he listened, he began to understand the true nature of the Force, and how it connected all living beings in the galaxy. He saw how the light and the dark were two sides of the same coin, and how balance was the key to unlocking the true power of the Force.
As Cthulhu finished speaking, Luke felt a surge of energy coursing through his body. He knew that he had been changed by the encounter, and that he was now ready to face whatever lay ahead. With a nod of his head, he bid Cthulhu farewell, and flew his X-wing back into the starry expanse.
As he flew, he felt a sense of peace and serenity wash over him. He knew that he had been given a gift, and that he would use it to bring balance to the galaxy. For Luke Skywalker, the journey had only just begun.
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Luke Skywalker was still reeling from his encounter with Cthulhu, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to learn. As he wandered the galaxy, he eventually found himself on a backwater planet in a seedy dive bar.
As he sat at the bar nursing a drink, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Cthulhu standing behind him, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you doing here?" Luke asked.
"I heard there was a poker game going on," Cthulhu replied, motioning to a table in the back of the bar. "Care to join me?"
Luke was hesitant. He wasn't much of a gambler, but he couldn't resist the chance to spend more time with the ancient creature. He nodded, and followed Cthulhu to the table.
As they sat down, Luke looked around at the other players. They were a rough-looking bunch, but they didn't seem to mind the presence of a Jedi and an elder god at their table. Cthulhu dealt the cards, and the game began.
Luke quickly realized that Cthulhu was an excellent poker player. His tentacles moved deftly across the table, and he seemed to know what cards his opponents were holding before they even looked at them. Luke struggled to keep up, but he managed to hold his own.
As the game went on, Luke and Cthulhu began to talk more. They discussed the nature of the Force, the mysteries of the galaxy, and the intricacies of the game they were playing. Luke found himself opening up to Cthulhu in ways that he never had before.
Eventually, the game ended, and Luke found himself the winner. He couldn't believe it - he had managed to outplay an elder god at poker. He grinned as he collected his winnings, feeling a sense of satisfaction that he had never felt before.
As he and Cthulhu left the bar, Luke realized that he had gained something far more valuable than the credits he had won. He had gained a friend, and a mentor. He knew that he would continue to learn from Cthulhu, and that their paths would cross again someday. For Luke Skywalker, the journey had taken another unexpected turn, but he was ready for whatever lay ahead.
------------------------------
As Luke and Cthulhu stepped out of the bar, a group of bounty hunters appeared from the shadows. They had been hired by a rival poker player who had lost to Luke and Cthulhu earlier in the evening.
Luke's first instinct was to draw his lightsaber, but he hesitated when he saw that Cthulhu was not reacting to the situation. Instead, the elder god simply stood there, waiting to see what would happen.
Luke felt a sudden urge to take advantage of Cthulhu's inaction. He had never felt this way before, but he couldn't resist the temptation. He drew his blaster and aimed it at Cthulhu.
"I'm sorry, old friend," Luke said. "But I have to do this."
Cthulhu's eyes widened in surprise, and Luke could feel the shock and disappointment emanating from the creature. But he didn't care - he had made his choice.
As Luke fired the blaster, he suddenly felt a searing pain in his mind. He realized too late that Cthulhu had retaliated with a psychic attack. He felt his thoughts and memories being crushed and destroyed, as if a thousand weights had been dropped on his brain.
In his final moments of consciousness, Luke realized the full extent of his mistake. He had betrayed a being far more powerful than he could ever comprehend, and now he was paying the ultimate price.
As his mind crumbled into dust, Luke realized that he had been a fool. He had been so focused on winning at poker and learning from Cthulhu that he had lost sight of what was truly important - the bond of friendship and respect between two very different beings.
As he slipped into oblivion, Luke knew that he had failed. He had failed Cthulhu, and he had failed himself. His journey had ended in tragedy, a cautionary tale for any who dared to betray the trust of an elder god.
------------------------------
Cthulhu watched in sadness as Luke's body fell to the ground, lifeless. He had never wanted things to end this way, but he had no choice but to defend himself. Despite the betrayal, Cthulhu remembered the good times he had shared with Luke, and his heart ached at the loss of a potential friend.
As he stood there, lost in thought, Cthulhu realized that he was tired of the loneliness that came with being an elder god. For millennia he had roamed the universe, seeking knowledge and understanding, but always alone. He longed for the companionship that he had briefly experienced with Luke.
But who could he find to fill that void? Who could possibly understand his cosmic perspective, his ancient wisdom, and his vast knowledge? As he pondered these questions, Cthulhu began to dream of finding a new friend in the future. Someone who would not betray him, someone who would share in his journey and respect him for who he was.
He knew that this search would not be easy, but he was willing to take the risk. Cthulhu would continue his journey through the universe, seeking out new experiences and new knowledge, but with a new goal in mind. He would find a new friend, and this time he would not let them slip away.
As he turned away from Luke's lifeless body, Cthulhu's mind filled with hope for the future. He knew that the journey ahead would not be easy, but he was ready for whatever lay ahead. For Cthulhu, the journey had taken an unexpected turn, but he was determined to make the best of it.
-= THE END =-
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Yes, your graduation, some of us remember it better than you…
*Gets a kriss blade and slices open Comte de Malodor, spilling the fool's guts out.*
*Then, proceeds to slice open the bodies of GoatToucher's Gothic Fairy Sousaphone band*
** spoiler omitted **
:As you slit them open, the Gothic Fairy Sousaphone players look up to you with something akin to gratitude, gurgling as their life spills out with the burbling purple ichor. You look down at the dark blood smeared on your arms and apron, and, satisfying a bit of curiosity, sniff. It is a quite pleasant aroma of lilac and some sort of citrus liqueur:
:You look upon the still forms of the fairies, given a peace long denied them:
:one of the bodies spasms:
:and another:
:and another:
:Soon, all the corpses are convulsing, spraying their fluids from every hole. The bodies begin to slither together and their flesh melds, every pair of fairies becoming a hideous amalgam in order to seal the wounds you delivered upon them. A face emerges from a neck here, and arm from a belly there. Extra legs flail and extra hands curl in mute agony:
:The fairy that looked to you with gratitude now bears a wide eyed look of horror and betrayal:
:You look on, feeling a combination or revulsion and professional curiosity, when the lilac smell fills your nostrils with increased potency. You look down to see the ichor dissolving your clothes. You hasten to tear them away, but the blood on your hands and arms penetrates your flesh. You feel yourself...Changing:
:a sousaphone grows out of your body and into your hands:
I wondered, how could you improve on a classic? The answer, of course, was BEANS, which is why my new top hit TV series, The Beandalorian, is presently blowing up a streaming service near you.
The ones who missed out on free dynamite will be angriest.