Sorry, I can't hear you. You'll have to take off that mask.
A do dum dum, a do dum dum.
A do dum dum, a do dum dum.
Whooo ahhhhh!
*Sniffs armpits.*
Goodness, I smell awful. I need to wash.
*Bolts Pulg to a large stick and uses him as a scrubbing brush.*
I'm not sure why you think scrubbing your pits with me will make you smell better.
sniff
Too bad you used the garlic scented instead of the lilac one.
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Don't worry, I use Goattoucher brand extra strength soap!
Er, Fester, that *isn't soap*
Hang on, does this mean that Fester and I are half-brothers?
:walks out of the brush, pausing in a stately pose. His hair (save a bald pate) is long and disheveled, and he wears months worth of shaggy beard. Though his exposed face and hands are smeared with grime, his golden satin clothes are immaculate, save for a tear in the middle of his pants, exposing his [REDACTED] which hangs down to [REDACTED]:
:his [REDACTED] is also smeared with grime:
Oh, hello everyone! I have just returned from a most diverting game of Jumanji. Apparently you are locked in a pocket dimension until you "win the game" or somesuch, but I was far to entertained by the natives to be interested in any of that. I set up a primitive Workroom and set to my research. For all their talk of rules, they were keen to send me on my way once I laid hold of them for a week or two.
I daresay that Hunter shall never look at his elephant gun the same way again, though why he has started shaving his mustache I can't begin to fathom.
:claps hands:
:Jambi appears with a gold tray bearing an apertif:
Thank you, Jambi. I shall need an assortment of swabs and trays, as I have no doubt picked up some very novel bacterium in my travels.
:he drinks and replaces the glass on the tray. Jambi departs:
I roll my dice now
My dice are mean and nasty
They roll only to kill
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Yes, Comte de Malodor, it was revealed to all of us that Fester is your half brother.
*Pushes Grand Magus into Comte de Malodor.*
Ah, Goattoucher, it's good to see you again.
*Covers eyes with hands.*
Truth be told, I was worried what happened to you.
*Gives an awkward sounding cough.*
Here, let my dragon maid get you some new clothes.
*While still covering eyes with one hand, uses the other to call Tohru.*
Please fetch the finest garments we have available (even if it is my "Sunday best" attire). And bring a grooming kit as well.
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Casts protection of the innocent on GoatToucher.
Mummy, I've been thinking. If Pulgewein is my cousin, does this mean I'm part Jewish?
No, it doesn't. You're part crab - that's it - and you'll stay that way until you find me one (just one!) male relation who isn't as unclean as it's possible to be without spending the weekend at one of GoatToucher's 'meditation retreats'!
{Gestures}
Yes, Justine! I may be a Pumpkin, and a Paladin, but I'm still YOUR BROTHER!!!!
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Why are we clawing the monkey?
*munch*
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Call me daddy again, Fester Addams, and I will subject you to something even you will find distasteful!
*Breathes deeply (somehow).*
As for what you seek, then here!
*Shows everyone the magical stone which reveals past adventures (including showing the event that lead to the birth of Fester Addams). The stone shows the group in the tower chamber facing the Master of Jumanji as time had begun to resume (this is also before electric wizard tried to turn everyone into crabs).*
"Alright, Master of Jumanji, we've been here long enough! Release us now!"
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*The stone then shows everyone falling out of the sky, with one of the four remaining nameless adventurers hitting the ground hard and dieing in a pool of his own blood. Everyone else however, despite hitting the ground harder, survived with only a few cuts and bruises.*
And that, roughly speaking, brings us to where we are now.
*Recoils in anger at the outburst of the demand Count Heydrich just made.*
Very well, you may go,
but here's something you should know.
No matter where or what you do,
The horrors of Jumanji will always follow you!
He's right about that last part, anyway, since 'The Horrors Of Jumanji' is a frighteningly accurate way of describing my backside.
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He strikes me more as an Egg Nog Fiend.
:Jambi appears with a tray bearing a number of swabs and specimen containers. He disrobes GT and ministers to his crevices, gathering alien bacterium for later study:
Thank you Jambi.
:to Tohru:
Thank you darling. Oh, those look quite nice, and in scarlet Satin and gold lame’: favorites of mine! My compliments, Herr Count.
Hm. If we must return, I have set up a salon in my workroom. Hardly fit for entertaining. I have commissioned members of the monkey horde to serve as butlers and valets (in such smart little uniforms!) and they will serve local delicacies using local fruit, spices, and fauna. I particularly enjoy when they prepare other members of the monkey horde: you can really taste the betrayal.
Don’t be shy, Jambi: you’ll really need to get I there if you :a swab is inserted into GT’s [REDACTED] with considerable vigor: Oh! You rascal Jambi!
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Yarr, well, 'tis most important to make sure there's no stray powder or sparks left up there afore reloading 'ee with grapeshot.
Don’t be alarmed at your feelings of apprehension. It’s just your sense of self-preservation. Just ignore it and carry on.
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Why thank you, Goattoucher, I didn't realise that our tastes in clothing was so similar. Indeed, that very garment is my favourite too.
*Hands Goattoucher something.*
This is the flayed skin of Comte de Malodor. I think that only your genius would be able to make the best use of it.
*Sees Waterhammer joining Jambi with swabbing Goattoucher.
Umm, I think Jambi was doing alright on his own.
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*Gives a polite curtsey.*
Excuse me, Mister Goattoucher sir, but I wanted to offer my services.
*Ignores Count Heydrich's protests.*
Do not worry sire, as part of the contract, I will only perform the traditional maid service (serving food, cleaning rooms, etc). Though I am curious about how to better please my girlfriend.
Come to my shop later.
I have a hex for almost every occasion.
Hee Hee Hee!
First a crab-centaur, now a snake, sloughing his skin each year and emerging both Longer and Wiser.
It's a man's life in the Nine Hells.
Bien sur!
Fascinating... just fascinating.
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Since he was commenting about Comte, it was sarcasm.
Fester, the front of my shop is for the rubes general public.
The real store is in the back office.