
Grandpa Wonderbra |

* sits in chair, sipping lemonade and eating one of "the Win" cupcakes, and enjoying the show, knowing safely that I still possess the Win and everyone else is grabbing the various duplicates *
Let's see - I've done s'mores, sundaes, cookies, and cupcakes. What else shall I bring in for treats? I wonder if I give MBT peanut butter it will have the same effect as giving peanut butter to a dog.
* hands MBT a jar of peanut butter and a spoon *

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Yes that's right Schism, GW is a really kind man! Now, time to say hello to my newest friends!
*Grommash Hellscream, Kargath Bladefist, Ner'Zul, Durotan, Gul'Dan, Kilrogg Deadeye and Rend Blackhand appear on the horizon with the rest of the orc clans.*
To victory! Slay all who stand in your way! Except for GW, of course!

Grandpa Wonderbra |

* stands up and dusts myself off *
Hey now - careful where you're aiming! You almost hit the treat table.
Durned Protoss. They really need to work on their accuracy. Maybe they should practice on a few Zerg worlds.
* waves cane and teleports the Protoss Mothership to the edge of Zerg-controlled space while at same time both cloaking the ship and protecting it in a powerful force field *
Now where was I?
* pours another glass of lemonade and sits back down in chair and soon falls asleep *

Grandpa Wonderbra |

No ice cream cakes for the Burning Bone Clan, though - not after what they did to my fruit trees and plants. They destroyed over half of them in their mad rush for a bite to eat. All they had to do was ask and I would have given them some. But no, they had to just rampage through. The worst part was they trampled nearly all of my pineapple plants into the ground - and those they didn't they took all the pineapples. Until they come and help me replace the damaged plants no treats for any of them!
* wags finger at the Burning Bone Orcs, who all hang their heads in shame and shuffle their feet - a few of them even begin crying *

Grandpa Wonderbra |

Bad kitty! You leave John alone!
* waves cane and telport's Kat's Eye to a magical world full of catnip and saucers of cream *
That should keep the cat occupied for a while.
Avatar, dear friend, did I hear you're part of the Laughing Skulls? Oh such good boys and girls. They helped me dig the koy pond I have in my backyard a few centuries back. I am pleased to know they are still around.

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We members of the Laughing Skull Clan were glad to help you out GW, you're our friend - we ALWAYS help out a friend - besides, we loved the way you made Dagon scream for his life when you sacrificed him in Aztec fashion!
Now on to business: the following orc clans have vacancies (but hurry, space is limited):
1. Burning Blade
2. Shadowmoon
3. Flowerpicker
4. Whiteclaw
5. Red Walker
6. Thunderlord
7. Blackrock
8. Shattered Hand
9. Lightning's Blade
10. Frostwolves
11. Warsong
12. Bleeding Hollow
13. Bonechewer

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You may have noticed that the Burning Bone Clan is not listed, that's because the warchief (me) has forbidden them from recruiting or anything else until they repair the damage that they did to GW's fruit trees and plants. Fortunately for them, I have sent a few Tanaan Genesaurs to provide some aid.

Grandpa Wonderbra |

I'm back from overseeing the repairs to my fruits. Everything is going well. I should have fresh strawberries for shortcake in a day or two.
* notices "THE" Poog of Zarongel about to harm John and hits Poog over the head with cane *
Bad goblin! Next time you try to harm John I will stick you in a room with fire-proof books.

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Someone needed to make sure that the Burning Bone Clan made amends for their misdeeds. Oh, nice work saving John from Poog, GW! :-)
*Thinks for a moment.*
The Whiteclaw Clan might just be the clan for you, GW, as they are among the oldest and wisest orcs around. You seem to be just like them in many respects and they show an interest in your work. :-)

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Let me see:
@Uncle Teddy: I don't think there is, but one can be appointed if you so wish. Just tell me your specialities and I can recommend as appropriate (eg expert animal handlers -mounts and battle companions- then the Thunderlord clan is for you).
@Cluny: If blood is what you seek, then either join the Bleeding Hollow clan (as they blood rituals to turn their members into hulking berserkers) or the Bonechewer clan (because not only do they like to kill people, as their name implies, they like to eat their foes).

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Alright folks, it's time for random ability score generation!!! Whatdoweget???
Suite 1:
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (3) + 7 = 10
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (1) + 7 = 8
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (8) + 7 = 15
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (3) + 7 = 10
Suite 2:
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (8) + 7 = 15
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (11) + 7 = 18
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (4) + 7 = 11
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (1) + 7 = 8
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (3) + 7 = 10
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (4) + 7 = 11
1d12 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 17
I choose Suite 1! :D