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Squeak.
(Translation: Squeak.)


MEOW!

[Translation: Lunch]

Sovereign Court

Run, forest I mean Bill, run!

*Diverts attention slightly.*

Now that Na'ru has been captured and Auchin'gon is no more, I will head for Netherblade Citadel in Shadowsun Gorge (home of the Shadowsun clan) as the orcs that dwell there have successfully recruited demons, daemons, devils, serpentfolk, harpies, tengus and drow to the cause.


*Sometime after, in an undisclosed location nearby...*

Timmy grumbles to himself as he scales the walls barehanded, ears perked for trouble. "'Get the win for me,' he said. 'You'll be debt free!' he said. Well, damn that jackass, and double damn me for being too drunk to realize he was counting cards."

With a grunt of effort, Timmy throws himself over the wall, panting a little as he c looks around. "Now, if I were an old geezer with oddly well built pockets and a habit of baking nonstop... I'd be in the kitchen."

Timmy stalks his way towards his target, daggers in hand and a self sure smirk on his face.


AoZK wrote:
as the orcs that dwell there have successfully recruited demons, daemons, devils, serpentfolk, harpies, tengus and drow to the cause.

He'll never see it coming, that those devils are infiltrators...and he dares think they rally under his banner, muhahahaha.


* notices TimeyWimeyTimmy heading for the kitchen, grabs him by the trousers, carries him outside the citadal, drops him on the ground, and places a massive paw on his back, cracking three of Timmy's vertebrae *

GRRRRRRR!

(Translation: Nobody messes with Grandpa Wonderbra!")

* walks back in and gives Alissa's Bear some honey, a salmon, and two rainbow trout from his basket *

Grawph Rrr Grawr grr roar

(Translation: Grandpa Wonderbra taught me it's good to share so I decided to share some of my treats with a fellow Ursidae)


* picks up Bill and places him in my front coat pocket *

Come along, Bill. You can be my official food taster as I try out my tiramisu recipe.

* glares at Kat's Eye *

And you - you're being a very naughty kitty! You will behave yourself! If you're hungry, just ask - I have plenty of food for everyone. There is no need to eat poor Bill or John.


Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:

* notices TimeyWimeyTimmy heading for the kitchen, grabs him by the trousers, carries him outside the citadal, drops him on the ground, and places a massive paw on his back, cracking three of Timmy's vertebrae *

GRRRRRRR!

(Translation: Nobody messes with Grandpa Wonderbra!")

* walks back in and gives Alissa's Bear some honey, a salmon, and two rainbow trout from his basket *

Grawph Rrr Grawr grr roar

(Translation: Grandpa Wonderbra taught me it's good to share so I decided to share some of my treats with a fellow Ursidae)

Timmy lays still for a moment before grunting. With a sickening CRACK, his spine aligns itself back into place, and Timmy jumps to his feet.

"Damn, had to lose a chunk of time for that. Bloody hell I'm getting rusty. Oh well."

As swift as Jumpin Jack Flash, Timmy leaps through the window, several daggers leaping from his hands into the uncouth ursine, all aimed at the center of his large mass so as to minimize misses.


* lets out what can only be described as a laugh as every last one of the blades bounces harmlessly off my hide *

Rawr!

* grabs Timmy's head with a speed far greater than a creature my size should be capable of and... *

(Note: The rest of of what happens to poor Timmy has been censored for the sanity of our readers - please note the words Flawless Victory and Fatality were both seen and heard)

* heads back to the kitchen *


Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:

* lets out what can only be described as a laugh as every last one of the blades bounces harmlessly off my hide *

Rawr!

* grabs Timmy's head with a speed far greater than a creature my size should be capable of and... *

(Note: The rest of of what happens to poor Timmy has been censored for the sanity of our readers - please note the words Flawless Victory and Fatality were both seen and heard)

* heads back to the kitchen *

Timmy grins as the bear runs to him, only for the bear to find the daggers back in his hands, flicking them into the bears mouth as he deftly dodges the attack of the unnaturally agile bear, while grinning as the charging bear, missing its target, slams its head through the broken window, shattering the rest of the remaining glass.

"Good thing my Foresight just so happens to be 20-20. Well, in any case, I've got an old codger to find, and a Win to snatch."

As the bear no doubt frees itself violently, Timmy is already gone, his supernatural speed carrying him towards the kitchen.


*farts*


Grandpa Wonderbra wrote:

* glares at Kat's Eye *

And you - you're being a very naughty kitty! You will behave yourself! If you're hungry, just ask - I have plenty of food for everyone. There is no need to eat poor Bill or John.

MMRRROOWWWWWW! PFFTTT!

(Translation: But I'm hungry and you never serve anything a cat can eat. You teleport me elsewhere. Are you trying to get rid of me?)


TimeyWimeyTimmy wrote:
Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:

* lets out what can only be described as a laugh as every last one of the blades bounces harmlessly off my hide *

Rawr!

* grabs Timmy's head with a speed far greater than a creature my size should be capable of and... *

(Note: The rest of of what happens to poor Timmy has been censored for the sanity of our readers - please note the words Flawless Victory and Fatality were both seen and heard)

* heads back to the kitchen *

Timmy grins as the bear runs to him, only for the bear to find the daggers back in his hands, flicking them into the bears mouth as he deftly dodges the attack of the unnaturally agile bear, while grinning as the charging bear, missing its target, slams its head through the broken window, shattering the rest of the remaining glass.

"Good thing my Foresight just so happens to be 20-20. Well, in any case, I've got an old codger to find, and a Win to snatch."

As the bear no doubt frees itself violently, Timmy is already gone, his supernatural speed carrying him towards the kitchen.

* smiles as Timmy falls for his illusion as Fred reduces him to multiple stains on the ground *

Silly little mortal. Do you really think you can stop a force of the multiverse given form that is Fred?

* waves cane over the stains, restoring Timmy to life, a copy of The Win appearing in Timmy's hands *

Now run along and play.


"Huh? Oh bloody he-"Timmy grimaces as the illusion falls away, clinging on for dear life as the bear tosses his body from side to side. "Strike two indeed, and with all the bases loaded too." Timmy looks over at the old man, and grins as a tiny mote of light appears beside him.

"But I've still got one strike left."

Earlier:

As the illusion drops upon Timmy, and the bear rears it's head, a tiny mote of light appears, and Timmy blinks. "S%!%."

With a leap to the side, Timmy barely dodges the larger mass of the ursine, and his eyes leap toward the old whateveritis with a grim grin. "Nasty trick, that. But as I've said before," Timmy leaps as he speaks, dodging another blow as makes his way over to the old whatever it is, "my foresight just so happens to be 20-20." As Timmy flips, a giant wave of kinetic force ripples through the building, courtesy of someone's bowl movements. With a flick of the wrist, Timmy sends a dagger flying through the air, just barely missing the older fellows breast by a hair.

"Well, sir? What now?"


Kat's Eye wrote:

MMRRROOWWWWWW! PFFTTT!

(Translation: But I'm hungry and you never serve anything a cat can eat. You teleport me elsewhere. Are you trying to get rid of me?)

I just don't want you eating my little friends. If you want something in particular to eat just let me know.

* taps cane on ground, causing a pile of freshly caught fish to appear before Kat's Eye *


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* steps in front of Timmy, clutching Banhammer, Jr. in both hands *

Now, now, you're not here to cause trouble, are you? Looks like Grandpa Wonderbra was kind enough to grant you a copy of The Win. I suggest you just turn around and walk away.


TimeyWimeyTimmy wrote:

"Huh? Oh bloody he-"Timmy grimaces as the illusion falls away, clinging on for dear life as the bear tosses his body from side to side. "Strike two indeed, and with all the bases loaded too." Timmy looks forever at the old man, and grins as a tiny mote of light appears beside him.

"But I've still got one strike left."

Earlier:

As the illusion drops upon Timmy, and the bear rears it's head, a tiny mote of light appears, and Timmy blinks. "S!!*."

With a leap to the side, Timmy barely dodges the larger mass of the ursine, and his eyes leap toward the old whateveritis with a grim grin. "Nasty trick, that. But as I've said before," Timmy leaps as he speaks, dodging another blow as makes his way over to the old whatever it is, "my foresight just so happens to be 20-20." As Timmy flips, a giant wave of kinetic force ripples through the building, courtesy of someone's bowl movements. With a flick of the wrist, Timmy sends a dagger flying through the air, just barely missing the older fellows breast by a hair.

"Well, sir? What now?"

Step aside, Teddy.

Now, now, do you really think your foresight is 20-20? I have observed the births and deaths of countless universes. I was old before time existed. Death is my younger brother. Do you really think your little blades can harm me. Now take your prize and go before I show you what an old codger can really do!

* with those words a blood-red moon blocks the sun, plunging the planet into darkness, as what can only be described as the sounds of the gods crying out in terror fill the sky *


Grandpa Wonderbra wrote:
TimeyWimeyTimmy wrote:

"Huh? Oh bloody he-"Timmy grimaces as the illusion falls away, clinging on for dear life as the bear tosses his body from side to side. "Strike two indeed, and with all the bases loaded too." Timmy looks forever at the old man, and grins as a tiny mote of light appears beside him.

"But I've still got one strike left."

Earlier:

As the illusion drops upon Timmy, and the bear rears it's head, a tiny mote of light appears, and Timmy blinks. "S!!*."

With a leap to the side, Timmy barely dodges the larger mass of the ursine, and his eyes leap toward the old whateveritis with a grim grin. "Nasty trick, that. But as I've said before," Timmy leaps as he speaks, dodging another blow as makes his way over to the old whatever it is, "my foresight just so happens to be 20-20." As Timmy flips, a giant wave of kinetic force ripples through the building, courtesy of someone's bowl movements. With a flick of the wrist, Timmy sends a dagger flying through the air, just barely missing the older fellows breast by a hair.

"Well, sir? What now?"

Step aside, Teddy.

Now, now, do you really think your foresight is 20-20? I have observed the births and deaths of countless universes. I was old before time existed. Death is my younger brother. Do you really think your little blades can harm me. Now take your prize and go before I show you what an old codger can really do!

* with those words a blood-red moon blocks the sun, plunging the planet into darkness, as what can only be described as the sounds of the gods crying out in terror fill the sky *

Shrugs towards Teddy as he sighs. "I appreciate the offer, really do. Awfully nice and a that. BUT. I've got a job, and unfortunately, the client won't accept anything but the real product."

Timmy then looks over at the old fella, eyes narrowed as he begins his speech.

"Look, I'd hate to start up another ruckus here. You've got nice drapes over there, and the only thing missing from the fireplace is an bear rug. On the other hand, I've a contract to fill, and the stakes are a wee bit higher than I'd like if I didn't make good. So, I apologize for the window, and the damage to your shirt. If you could give me the REAL win, I'd be out of your hair, and life as a... Whatever you are, carries on. Shake on it?"


My dear, haven't you realized it yet? Fred cannot be harmed, much less killed, and what you have is the real win - every copy is the real win. But since you refuse to leave peacefully...

* Timmy suddenly disappears, only to reappear in the middle of a desert on a strange world. Thousands and thousands of The Win fall from the sky to bury Timmy *

Sorry about that, folks - some people just don't realize when they're outclassed.

* bends down and scratches Kat's Eye behind the ears *

Are the fish to your liking?

Sovereign Court

You SO deserved that title as chieftain of the Whiteclaw clan, GW, as your 'spiritual prowess' knows no bounds! :-)

Now, on to other business. I must find out who cast that 'Demon's Eye' spell to spy on the meeting. If anybody has any information, then please notify me immediately. In the meantime, I shall remain in Netherblade Citadel, planning the next phase of the Horde's initiative, where I am having a most interesting chat with an eredar named Socrethar.


Grandpa Wonderbra wrote:

My dear, haven't you realized it yet? Fred cannot be harmed, much less killed, and what you have is the real win - every copy is the real win. But since you refuse to leave peacefully...

[i]* Timmy suddenly disappears, only to reappear in the middle of a desert on a strange world. Thousands and thousands of The Win fall from the sky to bury Timmy

Timmy narrows his eyes as he begins to dodge the sudden rain, barely keeping ahead while the wins whistle around him.

"Stupid!"
"Ancient!"
"Overpowered!"
"Prick!"

Timmy pants as he survives the piles of wins, before chuckling. "Not bad old timer... But..."

With another flick of his wrist, Timmy retrieves his previously thrown dagger... Complete with the Original win stuck to the side. "You really oughta check your pockets, or lack thereof, before you send people away. Or make an effort to find out if they might've had a dagger that teleports back to the psychic signal of its owner."

Timmy whistles to himself as he drags through a portal taking him to hell, snickering all the way.


* chuckles softly to myself and pats the concealed pocket that only I can access or even see *

When will they learn? Heh, he even thought he damaged my shirt - such simple tricks - he fell for all of those illusions and never even realized he was dead for a time. I did leave one of Fred's claw marks upon him, though - let's just say sitting will be quite painful for a little while. If he had just been polite in the first place I would have been glad to share The Win. Now he - and his employer - are just going to have to settle for the surprise I placed upon that copy - or should I say disguised piece of my famous angelfood cake. I wonder when they will realize The Win is not something that can be stolen - merely earned. Gee, I hope his devilish patron appreciates the treat.

Ah, now onto other business - time to finish my tiramisu and then do some research into a certain Demon Eye. But first - time to restore the moon to it's rightful position. I do hope I didn't care everyone too badly with that.

* taps cane once and the moon is back to normal *

Bill, how's this taste?

* gives Bill a small piece *

I haven't had this much fun since I pretended to be a god named Aroden and "died". I really should do something about that little storm I left brewing. Maybe later.

Scarab Sages

Okay, now I've stopped believing you. Because...

*stands up suddenly* I'M ARODEN!


No, I'M ARODEN!

Scarab Sages

You are mistaken, good friends, *I* am Aroden!

Liberty's Edge

*BEEPbeepbeep!*

Silver Crusade

*Fine Animal Deity Aroden Love*


I smothered Aroden in his sleep with (Profane Mythic) elderberries while he laid exhausted on the sheets after having banged my sister and having neglected to pay me for arranging his romp.

Yeah ! I know it's (s)cho(c)king: depriving an honest pimping gnome of his cut ! This is how Eyes of Abendego get made...

Ho, and I WIN !.

*thinks of slapping Koko the Gorilla out of sheer malice but wisely refrains. Takes a cautious step backward while smiling like a genetically imprinted hypocrite*

Silver Crusade

*pats Quiche Lisp on the head*

*Funny Baby*


Oh my, this is so much fun. I never realized so many people would believe they're Aroden. I wonder. Could they all contain sparks of my power? I have misplaced a few here and there. Oh dear! Does that mean I'm Hiding In Your Closet is me and I am he? Oh this is truly wonderful! I haven't been in multiple forms and not realized it since I was the head of three separate pantheons on Earth.

Oh Quiche Lisp. You are so silly.

Why hello there, Koko. Would you like some fruit?

* taps cane on the ground and a fruit basket containing all of Koko's favorite fruits appears in Koko's hands *

Oh my. This is tiring. I think I need to sit down for a minute.

* waves hand, summoning the most comfortable chair ever, sits down, reclines back, and falls asleep *

Silver Crusade

*munch munch munch*

Sovereign Court

I don't think Iomedae will truly appreciate Arisen returning. As most of her faithful will 'reset to default'.

Sovereign Court

I meant Aroden not Arisen.


* while asleep my dream self invokes a powerful memory-altering effect that changes the memories of all others - everyone thinks of me as a kind sagely old man who has access to vast amounts of knowledge and mystical items, likes to provide treats to everyone, and is the keeper of The Win and shares it with those that ask and has tricks for those that attempt to steal it and nobody remembers the small demonstration of my power and just thinks it was a freak solar eclipse *

Well, that was a pleasant nap. Now to aide my fellow Whiteclaw in researching who was responsible for the little spying attempt earlier.

Scarab Sages

Mine are the infinite labyrinths of C-Space - you think I could get around in here if my memory were so limp it could be rewritten like that? Stick with the baking.

*Hides in Grandpa Wonderbra's brain Closet, sneaks out to heist not only the Win, but Grandpa Wonderbra's awareness of its existence*


* IHIYC triggers the comically-oversized mousetrap I placed just for him *

When will people learn? The Win cannot be stolen.

Now where did I put that ancient tome?


You can not steal that which has been divinely fated as mine.


Well, at least for a little while.

Sovereign Court

Here, GW, the ancient tome that you seek. It was in a box marked VHS tapes for some reason.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet!

Danged clown - hid the tome on me.


Arrest the clown.


You should form a posse.

Scarab Sages

You'll never catch me! YEEEEE-HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!

*tosses a box of Froot Loops at the gathering mob, animates them to attack, then pogo-sticks away*

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Pogo trips you up.

Scarab Sages

Not before I SUPER-POGO 200 feet into the air at the apex of the arc!


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* places a giant banana cream pie at the exact spot where IHIYC will land *

This should be fun.


:emerges from the pie, nude (though covered in strategic areas by banana cream) and caressing his chest:

My goodness!


I think I'm going to be sick.

*Blehh*

Yep, I am.


*HUUURRRKKKK* UGH! YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN IT MAKES A TROLL PUKE!!!!

Scarab Sages

*lands on GoatToucher's head like Super Mario stomping a goomba, keeps on pogo-stickin'*

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