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ERE'S MY STATS

STR AWESOME
DEX CAT LIKE
INT SMARTER THAN YOU
WIS KING SOLOMON AINT GOT NUTHIN ON ME
CON BETTER THAN A HORSE OR ELEPHANT
CHA LADIES WANNA TO BE WITH ME, MEN WANNA BE ME


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* smacks MBT upside the head with Bannhammer Jr. *

Hush you.

Avatar, well, I have traveled with GW for many years, serving as his bodyguard (though he really doesn't need one) and personal assistant to many worlds and have learned various forms of combat, both armed and unarmed. Am can fight as well with improvised, simple, martial, or exotic weapons or even unarmed, though my preferred weapon of choice is my earthbreaker here.

I have been trained in the use of various armors and shields and even how to defend myself with such protections.

I will stand against any force, whether demonic, draconic, devilish, or even celestial, if it threatens my friends.


Grawr!


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

I was just getting to you.

That is my friend, Fred, a gift from GW when I was young. I swear that bear is immortal.

We have fought at each other's side more times than I can recall. Fred has saved my life on more than one occasion. Where I go he goes.


RRRRAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!


What she said!


What you didn't say.


Strawberry shortcakes, anyone?

I also have some fresh salmon for the bears and fine cheeses for the rats if they prefer.

Sovereign Court

@TFF: And what would THAT be, exactly?

@Uncle Teddy: If that's the case, then perhaps, you could form your own clan as some of the orcs in the Thunderlord Clan and the Warsong Clan are similar to you.

On a side note, the Redwalker Clan have informed me that there is not a space in their clan name.


That...pinhead, would be some detailed bragging about her haircut and new mascara, that it makes her appear more gloomy.


Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:
Grawr!

Squeak.


Alissa's Bear wrote:

RRRRAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!

Squeak.


Gerbilburgers!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Delightful, but not for the reasons you might think, little kitty.


Worry not about Fred, Bill. He will not harm you - Teddy has raised him well. And since you are my friend Teddy and Fred shall protect you.

Sovereign Court

*Addresses the orc clans.*

My followers, my brothers and sisters, I (your warchief) have discovered two of the most dangerous enemies of all time!

*Points at TFF.*

Kill the eredar demon!

*Points to GT.*

Kill that, that, ABOMINATION!!!

Liberty's Edge

A mysterious red speck suddenly appears at the epicenter of the assembled Horde.

*Nuclear Launch Detected!*


Poog be running away far, very far. Poog seen that before, it be devastating.

Also, all who 'might survive', you be needing to look for invisible human.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Charge!!!


Rrraarrrwww!


SQUEAK!


* waves cane and invokes protective aura over the horde and my friends *

Heh, nuclear strike - I've dealt with worse.


:casts a series of enlarged, extended, heightened, quickened Waves of Pleasure on the approaching orc horde, keeping them at bay until the entire mass devolves into a hedonistic Orc on Orc Bacchanalia:

Oh, my yes!


* stands over Bill the Gerbil in a protective stance *


Oh, foolish GoatToucher, do you really think I was unprepared for your chicanery.

* watches as GT's Waves of Pleasure are reflected back upon him *


Don't step on him.


OHHH BIG MUSHROOM!!! IMMA EAT IT!!! *vaporized*

Sovereign Court

Thank you GW, perhaps now is the best time to inform you that the Whiteclaw clan have appointed you as their chieftain.

@Turns to Uncle Teddy: I have come up with a potential name for your clan and I need you to tell me what you think, the Grizzelpaw Clan!


I am honored, Avatar.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Grizzlepaw, eh - it's got a nice ring to it. I like it. I am Uncle Teddy of the Grizzlepaw Clan!

* Fred growls in the background *

Fred approves as well.


Say, wasn't that MBT's last life?


Grandpa Wonderbra wrote:
Say, wasn't that MBT's last life?

Gotta say that one did look like it could be permanent.


One less person getting in the way of my win.

Uh, I mean, poor soul.


:rises, smoking a cigarette:

Dear me.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* smashes GT on top of his head with Banhammer Jr. *

This is a No Smoking area.


Uncle Teddy wrote:
This is a No Smoking area.

Except for when we set someone on fire.


Cluny the Scourge wrote:
Uncle Teddy wrote:
This is a No Smoking area.

Except for when we set someone on fire.

Usually MBT.

Sovereign Court

Yeah, not sure why though.


Squeak!


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber
Triphoppenskip wrote:
Cluny the Scourge wrote:
Uncle Teddy wrote:
This is a No Smoking area.

Except for when we set someone on fire.

Usually MBT.

Of course that's not really smoking - more like sanitizing the area. ;-)


Let us also remember that certain types of smoke can interfere with the flavor of all my wonderful treats - tobacco, for example.


Oh, it's not tobacco, or any other leaf, for that matter.

:smokes:


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

* pounds GT into the ground like a railroad spike *

I think it's safe to say that whatever GoatToucher smokes is not safe, healthy, or even sane for any of us.

Sovereign Court

Agreed!


:appears, dusty, behind Uncle Teddy, blowing smoke in his face, knocking him out:

That -is- safe to say.

:Throws UT over his shoulder, bearing him down into the Workroom, where all manner of unsavory practices are ministered onto UT's all too mortal flesh (the orifices are paid particular attention). UT calls out for GW, but the Workroom, being outside space and time, is a place where no hope dwells, and where no succor can be found.:

:before he finishes, he checks the back of UT's neck for his serial number to check his authenticity. It would be a shame for this to be another of those "false Uncle Teddys" Satisfied, he leaves UT's catatonic form supine outside St. Scrivener's Home for the Mentally and Spiritually Infirm with a large jar of Goat Toucher Brand Rump Ointment (scented with Peppermint and Lost Innocence).


TMI


Isn't it funny how easy it was to fool GoatToucher with an Uncle Teddy life model decoy? Shame for GoatToucher the decoy was set to implode, creating a miniature "black hole" as it were and suck GoatToucher into a realm of absolute oblivion.

Now, would anyone care for some pineapple upside-down cake?


*Looks hypnotized as ectoplasmic drool runs down her ghostly mouth.*

Pineapple? Upside? Down? Cake?

Sovereign Court

Absolutely, GW, oh and how is the Whiteclaw clan? Because it has been some time since I saw them last. Also, I require UT and his bear Fred in order to make the banner for the Grizzlepaw clan. Basically, all UT has to do, is choose the colour of the cloth (the background) as well as the colour of paint for the clan's symbol (which I think should be Fred's face and front paws in an intimidating fashion).

Sovereign Court

Oh and yes, I would like some pineapple upside down cake as well please GW (that's right folks, even we warchiefs must show respect to our elders).

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