"It should be kind of a giveaway that you've made a not ideal military procurement decision when your sniper scope has a picture of a groundhog on it."
- Ian McCollum
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"The corruption of the priesthood occurred at the precise moment in which it changed from a minority organised to impart knowledge into a minority organised to withhold it.
The great danger of decadence in journalism is almost exactly the same. Journalism possesses in itself the potentiality of becoming one of the most frightful monstrosities and delusions that have ever cursed mankind.
This horrible transformation will occur at the exact instant at which journalists realise that they can become an aristocrat...."
― G.K. Chesterton
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"Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you."
- William Blake
"Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you."
- William Blake
"Moses came in through the window and entered my body through my left knee."
-Also William Blake
Just saying, sometimes speaking your mind might lead more than base men to avoid you...
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"How did you go bankrupt?" "Two ways," Mike said. "Gradually, then suddenly."
- Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises (1926)
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Mac: All right, how about "Cat Game?"
Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'
[Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
[pause]
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
[man laughs]
Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
[Mac is gut-busting laughing]
Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
[feigned anger]
Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law.
[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)
Meow!
Hell, I can say "meow." I can say "moo." For twenty bucks, I'll call the guy a chicken-f&*!er.
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"It is certain that stealing nourishes courage, strength, skill, tact, in a word, all the virtues useful to a republican system and consequently to our own. Lay partiality aside, and answer me: Is theft, whose effect is to distribute wealth more evenly, to be branded as a wrong in our day, under our government which aims at equality? Plainly, the answer is no."
― Marquis de Sade
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Nature Lesson: When you come across a tree stump, you can figure out how dead it is by counting the number of times it's been chopped down.
-Ze Frank
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"...if you tell me that your candy game is such a f@!#ing 'saga' that there can be no other sagas, then you are a language criminal, and you belong in word jail."
-Jerry Holkins
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"...if you tell me that your candy game is such a f$++ing 'saga' that there can be no other sagas, then you are a language criminal, and you belong in word jail."
-Jerry Holkins
That joint is notorious for its crazy warden!
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"Eletelephony"
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant—
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone—
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)
Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee—
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
- Laura Elizabeth Richards
This poem is in the public domain.
A great deal of my rebellious attitude really stems from a simple inability to understand what is being asked of me.
-Philip K. Dick (1979 interview w/Charles Platt)
"I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about." -- Buffy The Vampire Slayer
According to all known laws of aviation.....
Time for a Bee Movie script stress test.
"You can't operate a deconstruction machine indefinitely; ultimately, the machine is all you have left to take apart. We need to make aspirational s$&@ again so we have something to deconstruct later."
-Jerry Holkins
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"I wasn't sure what to wear tonight. My mother suggested I could wear my grandfather's nice tuxedo. So I got a shovel..."
"I used to think the human brain was the most amazing thing in the world. Then I thought, 'Wait a minute. Look what's telling me that.' "
- Emo Philips
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"I wasn't sure what to wear tonight. My mother suggested I could wear my grandfather's nice tuxedo. So I got a shovel..."
"I used to think the human brain was the most amazing thing in the world. Then I thought, 'Wait a minute. Look what's telling me that.' "
- Emo Philips
Oh, Emo is a treasure!
"I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car."
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"O where are you going?" said reader to rider,
"That valley is fatal where furnaces burn,
Yonder's the midden whose odours will madden,
That gap is the grave where the tall return."
"O do you imagine," said fearer to farer,
"That dusk will delay on your path to the pass,
Your diligent looking discover the lacking,
Your footsteps feel from granite to grass?"
"O what was that bird," said horror to hearer,
"Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
The spot on your skin is a shocking disease."
"Out of this house," said rider to reader,
"Yours never will," said farer to fearer
"They're looking for you," said hearer to horror,
As he left them there, as he left them there.
-W.H. Auden
...I revere a kind of sanctity in language and that reverence stands in place of an aesthetic. I wouldn't even make the case that I'm a writer; it's just what I put in the field if someone asks. It's easier than saying what I actually am, which is best expressed as what I actually do, which functionally a kind of worship. I think there are configurations of words that have power. I think they can be arranged in such a way as to modify the operation of the mind. I'm not even saying I succeed at this. I'm saying that seeking these configurations is the only thing I know how to do.
-Jerry Holkins
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“Leveling is not the action of one individual but a reflection-game in the hand of an abstract power.
No period, no age, and therefore not the present one, either, can halt the skepticism of leveling, for the moment it wants to halt leveling, it will once again exemplify the law. It can be halted only if the individual, in individual separateness, gains the intrepidity of religiousness.
For leveling really to take place, a phantom must first be raised, the spirit of leveling, a monstrous abstraction, an all-encompassing something that is nothing, a mirage–and this phantom is the public. Only in a passionless but reflective age can this phantom develop with the aid of the press, when the press itself becomes a phantom. There is no such thing as a public in spirited, passionate, tumultuous times.
…A sedentary reflective age devoid of passion will produce this phantom if the press is supposed to be the only thing which, though weak itself, maintains a kind of life in this somnolence. The public is the actual master of leveling, for when there is approximate leveling, something is doing the leveling, but the public is a monstrous nonentity.
The public is not a people, not a generation, not one’s age, not a congregation, not an association not some particular persons, for all these are what they are only by being concretions.
Together with the passionlessness and reflectiveness of the age, the abstraction “the press” (for a newspaper, a periodical, is not a political concretion and is an individual only in an abstract sense) gives rise to the abstraction’s phantom, “the public,” which is the real leveler.
But in proportion to the scarcity of ideas, an age exhausted by a flash of enthusiasm will relax all the more readily in indolence, and even if we were to imagine that the press would become weaker and weaker for lack of events and ideas to stir the age, leveling becomes all the more a decadent urge, a sensate stimulation that excites momentarily and only makes the evil worse, the rescue more difficult, and the probability of destruction greater.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
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Haiku No. 1
To convey one's mood
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic
-John Cooper Clarke
“Since the introduction of cameras for phones, humans [sic] self-preservation instinct has probably dropped by at least 60% in general....”
― @MrNo1fan, YouTube commenter
I felt something... like a billion rednecks saying 'hold my beer' and then... silence...