Marcus floats that way and cracks one open, remembering at the last minute to shift back into a human so as to avoid crushing everyone else.
He drinks for a minute.
"Anybody know where Marie is?"
Noting Sieg's look of distaste at Dr. Hoffmann's and Cpt. Kermit's choice of beers, Mikey chuckles....
Yeah, the stuff the elves have on tap has ruined domestics for me, too, Sieg.... Although, I suppose being German, you were never a fan of the piss-water we Americans call beer. Let's go to the taproom and get a real beer, mate!
Mikey leads the way to the castle's taproom, adjacent to the festhall....
Daisy regards Marcus with some concern, and silently prays that Marie has not fled the castle....
I wonder if she will ever come to terms with the fact that her husband went mad, killed her, and ate her? .... If she did try to run away, I'm afraid Alfheim would not be much safer to a lone woman in the wilderness than Earth would be these days....
Maybe try the hedge maze in the courtyard, Marcus? She seems to be fond of wandering around in there....
In the vast, slime-coated, barnacle-encrusted, non-Euclidean throne room of R'lyeh, attended by the eight star-spawn, Dread Cthulhu awaits the coming battle with The Fierce Ones....
Our unwitting pawns have eliminated all of our rivals.... We alone rule the Earth! .... But, our pawns have grown mighty, indeed.... Possibly, mighty enough to threaten our reign.... We must make preparations for their imminent arrival....
In telepathic Aklo: Arm all of our traps! Activate all of our defenses, our faithful star-spawn! Let none enter or leave R'lyeh!
Hey there, Fierce Ones! Remember that old World War 2 U-boat that vampire crew was cruising around the flooded streets of London in? Well, your British friend, Tyler Greene, and Hooty the Helicopter Pilot, thought it might come in handy when you were ready to go to R'lyeh.... Of course, Radsworth can drop you pretty much anywhere on Earth with his magic portals.... But if you'd like to go to the battle in high style, we've made some modifications to the old submarine that I think you might like....
Andy demonstrates the U-boat's new capabilities, some of which were obviously made possible through the use of potent magic....
It can now fold down and fit in one's backpack as per a folding boat....
It has hardness 12 and 500 hp, and provides total cover to those inside....
It's torpedos are now enchanted and considered epic weapons....
Crew cabins are more spacious and furnished as per mage's magnificent mansion, including magical servants, etc....
It can ram at the helmsman's base attack bonus, plus Dex modifier, as a +6 epic bludgeoning weapon....
It travels at speeds three times as fast as it did before the elven wizards enchanted it....
Radsworth inspects the submarine and gives a whistle of appreciation. Useful indeed!
"I'd much rather this. I don't know how our martial specialists feel about it, but I think it's a marvelous idea."
"Thanks, Daisy."
Marcus floats off in the direction of the hedge maze.
There is the undeniable sense in everyone's heart that now is a good time to connect with friends and family, to say potential last goodbyes....
Word of The Fierce Ones' imminent final fight against the greatest of the Great Old Ones has spread swiftly through Pandora's Box in the Castle, among the displaced Native American tribes that now camp in the verdant meadows around the Castle, among their old allies in Tombstone (Sheriff Dwayne Lee Hooker, and the ghosts of Jeb and Doc Holiday), and even among Koran's pack of weresquatches, who are currently roaming the ruins of Yellowstone National Park, eradicating the minions of Cthulhu they find there under the brutal command of Koran's glabrezu great great grandfather, Grizzlegob....
Messages of love and wishes for good luck are sent by Tyler Green, Angie Banshee, Nymph Nessa, Morgan Le Fey, and The Fierce Ones' other British allies by way of a video recording delivered by Tyler Green in a suped-up RAF bomber....
Where's Professor Levinson? Was 'opin' to see the old girl again....
Oh, you know.... She's off somewhere making a phylactery right now, would be my bet, if I were a bettin' man....
What the f&!@ is a bloody fill-actor-ee?
Heh! Sorry.... I've been hanging out with such esteemed eggheads as Professors Radsworth, Levinson, Greer, and Jones.... It's an expensive little piece of jewelry that bat-s&%!-crazy spellcasters make to hold their f$$%in' souls after they commit lichdom....
Lichdom? What the f#%+ is that?
Come with me to the taproom, buddy, and I'll enlighten you....
The ghost of Doc Holiday manifests before Professor Radsworth, dapper and grinning, as he must have grinned at Wyatt Earp when they were living friends....
I do believe boo is the appropriate greeting for a ghostly gentleman like myself? Sheriff Hooker and Deputy Jeb send the best of possible wishes, given your circumstances....
The ghost of Doc Holiday lights a spectral cigar and takes a puff....
You're the brains of this behemoth called The Fierce Ones.... Don't lose your marbles wrangling with Old Cthulhu.... Don't let the bastard befuddle you or bluff you.... Just keep your own little ace up your sleeve until the right moment comes.... Do you really want there to be two Cthulhus in existence, good sir? Not if it can be helped, I suppose....
That is a rather dreary thought, Doctor Holiday, but Professor Radsworth and myself have discussed this plan at length, sir, and I can assure you, Professor Radsworth has contemplated the ethics and weighed the potential consequences of using the mirror of opposition again and again.... He'll know if and when it may be beneficial to turn the mirror on Cthulhu, you can be sure of that, sir....
Koran retreats to his tent to contemplate the upcoming battle.
Thor! I call you lord, if ever the fierce ones have needed your blessing it is now. Let us move with fury of a storm and strike Dread Cthulhu with the force of a thousand lighting bolts.
The near rumble of thunder is all the answer Koran receives from Thor's Geist....
Sieg simply retreats to his room for a bit, to contemplate the new spirit inside him.
I hate this uncontrollable rage within me, but it may be the only thing that keeps me alive.
Daisy kneels before a shrine dedicated to Kwan Yin, Chinese goddess of mercy and compassion, and prays for victory in the coming battle against Cthulhu....
Kwan Yin, hear the prayer of your faithful servant: grant The Fierce Ones victory over the evil Cthulhu, tyrant of R'lyeh.... Give us the strength to defeat this evil for once and for all.... And keep us all safe from harm.... Amen!
Grizzlegob and his horde of renegade demons make their way to the Pacific Coast, driven by a planar instinct like animals sensing a coming storm....
To R'lyeh we must go! To R'lyeh we must goooo!
Old Cthulhu's flipped 'es lid, t' R'lyeh we must goooo!
A-slaughtering we shall go! A-slaughtering we shall go!
With blood we'll paint the whole town red, a-slaughterin' we shall go!
A-screamin' as we go! A-screamin' as we go!
We'll cut some heads and leave some deads, a-screamin' as we go!
To Bedlam all we'll go! To Bedlam all we'll go!
A-raving and enslaving souls, to Bedlam we'll all go!!!
Feedledeedee!! FeedledeeDIE!!
We'll rip out your guts and poke out your EYE!!
Tweedledeedee!! Tweedledeedum!!
We'll step on your pretties and cut out your tongue!!
For we are Grizzlegob's unholy crew!
Defilers and wreckers of all that is true!!
When Doomsday comes, we get to play!
To poke, and rip, and tear, and slay!
When the Old One rears his ugly head,
the world shall blanche with pallid dread!
To lay him low the heroes hope, with wishes gained by kissing the Pope!
But foolish is the mortal wish, for even if Cthulhu falls....
He'll come round again when stars be right....
In another age he'll send out his calls....
Heard by those that dream at night!
And once again, the cycle complete,
the nightmare starts anew....
Unless a soul as pure as gold be sacrificed in stead,
the Squiddy villain will renew, and never be quite dead....
But if a pure soul joins with his in perfect symmetry,
a chance to end his evil cycle Earth shall finally see....
A willing soul will save the world, but thus erase his name!
And though the world is safe again, it's never quite the same!!!
Grizzlegob roars this strange and raucous song, with a tune like a bawdy house tune, over and over as he leads his demon horde toward R'lyeh....
At the Pacific Coast in San Diego, the greater demon leads his renegade demon band and the great pack of weresquatches to a decomissioned aircraft carrier....
Get this here jalopy up and running, me demons! These daft weresquatches ain't got the brains of a retarded fat kid, so they can't sus it out.... It be up to we demons to figure out how them hairless apes made this contraption to work!
The Fierce Ones ready themselves for the final battle, and board the magically-enhanced U-boat. Radsworth pilots the craft with arcane command words as instructed by the elven magewrights who worked on the U-boat's enhancement....
Hurtling like a torpedo through first the North Sea, then the Atlantic, and around to the Pacific, the U-boat ferries The Fierce Ones toward the nemo point--the furthest point from land--of the vast Pacific Ocean....
R'lyeh becomes visible on the U-boat's radar screen around 3:00 AM after a long underwater voyage....
The cadaverous ruins of Grim Carcosa pale in comparison to the mind-sundering dread conjured in the soul by even the most casual glance at the titanic, seaweed-clad corpse city that now looms over the Pacific Ocean before The Fierce Ones' magic folding U-boat....
Impossible angles of obscenely ornate architecture jut and stab at all directions, like an immense, jagged caltrop of insane gods dropped in the sea....
Unholy winged beasts flitter from rotting spire to crumbling pyramid....
Non-Euclidean polyhedrons coated with green slime rear perilously high above the crashing waves....
Marcus rubs his temples, a headache building.
"I barely understand Euclidean geometry, and now this?"
Radsworth watches his surroundings closely, terribly interested. HE found it to be .. offensive, but interesting. Oppressive, but curious. He would never be at home in such a place, nor every consider modeling his own growing plane after such either. Still, it was an experience worth having.
At a command from Radsworth, a gangplank telescopes out from the U-boat to connect with a slimy quay relatively horizontal that seems to give way into the phosphorescent city of madness....
Cautiously advancing into R'lyeh, The Fierce Ones begin to search for their foe....
Moving along a broad avenue flanked by colossal buildings coated with seaweed and slime from the nether depths, stinking of rotting fish and even worse decay, The Fierce Ones come upon a great plaza where hideous statues of alien monstrosities rear skyward, providing perches for shantaks and other winged horrors that flap over the twisted cityscape....
A horde of slavering ghouls storms out of the dark alleys and mammoth archways in the sides of the edifices enclosing the plaza, gamboling toward The Fierce Ones! In a matter of seconds, The Fierce Ones massacre the ghoul horde, leaving their stinking, smoking corpses to lay in the plaza....
Moving beyond the plaza, The Fierce Ones battle their way through a labyrinth of streets and alleys shadowed by colossal buildings redolent with obscene antiquity.... Flocks of shantaks and night gaunts swoop down on the heroes, only to be swiftly slaughtered by Derrik's or Yingzen's or Mikey Jay's mythic blades, or crushed by Koran's Mjolnir, or Sieg's mighty sinews, or obliterated by Radsworth's or Marcus' spells....
At last, after what seems like days of wandering through this corpse city of madness, a citadel looms higher than the other colossal edifices around it.... This must be the dread citadel of Cthulhu!
Even Marcus has the good grace to feel apprehension at the sight of Cthulhu's citadel.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends..." he mutters under his breath.
"I suppose we should prepare for battle. Is there any particular magic besides the usual you want me to put up?"
Got anything to keep me from going b~!~%%! crazy the first time I catch a glimpse of old Squid-head?
"I could give you True Seeing in the hopes that you'd go so insane you'd come full circle?"
Immediately before entering the citadel Koran will cast blessing of fervor on everyone, as well as divine vessel on himself.
Koran's body is forcefully tossed into the air as a personal storm of lightning and fire whips around his body, the giant tiefling's body is all but obscured by the tempest. He floats above the fierce ones, Mjolnir brandished and both hands and the elements of both his aspects battling around his body.
Hmmm.... It almost seems like I'd be better off if you cast blindness on me instead....
"That could also be arranged."
Marcus, meanwhile, starts loading up with buffs.
Self only: Shapechange (Current Form: Troll), Resist Energy x4 (Fire/Electricity/Cold/Sonic), Freedom of Movement, Greater Spell Immunity (Insanity, Feeblemind, Demand, Destruction, Disintegrate, Weird), Shield, See Invisibility, Fly, Echolocation (boosted to 24 hours), Nine Lives
Whole Party + Self: Protection from Chaos, Fly, Invisibility (why not?), Communal Resist Energy x5 (All Elements)
This is gonna be good! Eeeeek!! Eeeeek!!
Daisy lays her hands gently on Mikey Jay's shoulders....
Be at peace, Mikey.... Your mind shall be fortified....
Closing her eyes, she chants with a voice that seems to be amplified and multiplied into an angelic chorus....
She repeats this miraculous process for Koran, Sieg, and Derrik, then seems slightly drained by the expenditure of such mighty divine magic....
Sieg nods his head.
"Thank you, Daisy."
You're welcome, Sieg.... Now go and wrap that great old bastard up like a pretzel!
Sieg grunts noncommittally.
The ghost of Doc Holiday materializes before The Fierce Ones, and floats over to Radsworth, offering a familiar six-shooter....
I know you've got your own piece.... Traveler, I believe?.... But Sheriff Hooker thought this would be put to better use by you anyway.... It's my favorite old six-shooter, Daisy.... The elven wizards reconfigured some of its powers to make it particularly lethal to Great Old Ones and their noxious spawn.... Not to be confused with the lovely Indian lass who travels with you and tends to your wounds.... Anyway, take care of her, and may she put some holes in that old monster Cthulhu....
The ghost offers Radsworth Daisy: +6 reliable speed distance seeking holy aberration bane revolver....
Finding the colossal gate that bars further ingress to the Citadel Cthulhu, Radsworth intones the pre-cosmic syllables that he alone among humankind has divined, causing the vast, slime-coated gate to pivot on a horizontal axis, more like some cosmic garage door than the typical citadel gate....
Rumbling slowly up like a reverse-drawbridge, or the gaping beak of some colossal dinosaur opening to swallow The Fierce Ones whole, the gate swings upward to reveal a vast, cavernous space beyond, dimly lit in some areas, and horribly bright in others by a ghastly green corpse-light that seems to cover every surface within like a triumphant green mold that has completely overgrown the world....
Bloody brilliant, Professor Radsworth! You alone among men have deciphered the R'lyehan password that opens the gate of Citadel Cthulhu! Thrilling adventures, indeed, sir! A right bloody honor it's truly been, sir.... Even if this is the end of us, sir.... I'm proud to have served you, sir, more than even Master Aleister Crowley, he who crafted me.... He was a right obnoxious bastard, truth be told, a randy goat obsessed with sex magic as it were.... Not a proper gentleman like you, sir.... And a Yank, begging your pardon, sir.... Not even an Englishman like he was.... Yet, you're many times the gentleman he was, Professor Radsworth! May the gods bless you, sir!
Chesterfield's monocle almost seems to steam up....
As The Fierce Ones' eyes attempt to adjust to the maddening sight beyond the citadel gate, a non-Euclidean court room out of the worst, peyote-induced nightmares of a madman, they must each attempt a DC 40 Will save or go insane....
As The Fierce Ones' eyes attempt to adjust to the maddening sight beyond the citadel gate, a non-Euclidean court room out of the worst, peyote-induced nightmares of a madman, they must each attempt a DC 40 Will save or go insane....
MJ struggled mightily in his brain to retain sanity.... It is a very close call.... Gazing on the insane courtroom before him, he totters on the precipice of utter madness! But his will is pure and strong.... His Will is sharp.... He meditates on the name of his Lady Sif.... And holds the strands of his psyche together against the incredible strain placed upon them by the sight of Cthulhu on his throne, in all his unholy glory....
Marcus' newfound unwavering confidence in himself allows him to shrug off the insanity with minimal effort.
Mikey, Sieg, and Koran fight off the madness, and enter the courtroom.... They find the strange sensation of a lessening of gravity on their bodies within the Citadel Cthulhu.... All creatures previously without a fly speed gain a fly speed of 60 ft, with perfect maneuverability....
What seems like a nightmarishly long way off down an obscenely mammoth hallway supported by rib-like buttresses along the walls, which squirm with tentacles, feelers, and less-identifiable appendages that have reaches varying from T-Rex arms to giant squid tentacles, there appears to sit enthroned some unthinkable horror.... Some Thing That Should Not Be.... And around it hops, crawls, and skitters an insane horde of evil servitors....
The ghastly green ghost-light illuminates everything in the courtroom, even giving The Fierce Ones a corpse-green sheen....
Marcus shudders at the sight, sorely tempted to just close his eyes and let his Echolocation paint a less disturbing picture of the room, but thinks Maybe that's what it wants. Maybe that's when it will strike from beyond my view..
Unconsciously, his body begins to writhe again, as it hasn't done for so long now, the many forms beneath his skin churning for release in reaction to this sight.
In telepathic Aklo:I see. We come to THIS moment....