Captain Spalding's page

Only officers.

Banned because it has been 3 months since the last ban and the Ban Hammer was feeling neglected.

Killer Klown from Outer Space

Jimmy Durante and Karl Malden volunteering at the soup kitchen.

Who are you?
Where did you come from?
Why did I do this?

Definitely the latter.

Pulg is banned for hiding in plain sight.

Head Machinist Sparkflux is banned for not locking his door.

Is he to make sure your goldfish stays in his bowl?

Dr Wily is banned for... you know, I can't remember the reason I wanted to ban him.
Banned for some reason I'll remember 5 minutes after it is too late to edit this post.

Alright you scurvy dogs.
I want this ship put in order or you will be hung from the highest spar facing the sun until I decide to release you or the birds peck your blind eyes out, whichever comes first.

Its the smurfiest.

I think GoatToucher is just trying to discover what powers that wonderful beard of yours.

That is because Sirius Sa'luk sprays everything with silver paint.

George Carlin is banned for wearing that stupid hat.

We are out of Egg-Nog (hic).

Profession Sailor: 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (11) + 12 = 23

Stormy seas ahead.

You no good lying piece of !$$T$##@$#^U$#%#%/!
The Irish are the most gentile of people!

Sirius Sa'luk is banned for swimming in bleach.

My sweaty First Mate's tan.

The next poster was lost at sea.

Is that the same oil you use to keep your hair shiny and full?

Sorry, Humanoids only.

Grand Magus dies her roots.

The count is a party animal.

A Saliva Colonizer is banned for drooling.

Banned for posting anonymously.

Laser Clown's pet.

...the giggles.

*Throws him into the wood chipper for good measure.*

He did ask for that after all.

The Paladin fell because the Antipaladin was the better cheat.

The Paladin went to the King's Castle.

Still a bust. A failure like the rest of us.

By the way when you roll the suit you should go by order of value. I went alternating colors 1: diamonds, 2: clubs, 3: hearts, 4: spades. Alternatively its 1 clubs, 2 diamonds, 3 hearts and 4 spades

I always goes hearts, spades, diamonds and clubs because that is the way it was set up in early computer card games.

1d13; 1d4

1d13; 1d4

6 of diamonds and 8 of hearts for 14...hit me!

1d13; 1d4

12 of diamonds for 26...about as busted as it gets. ;)

That would be Queen of Diamonds (10) for 24.

1d13 ⇒ 1 1d4 ⇒ 1 Ace of Hearts
1d13 ⇒ 5 1d4 ⇒ 3 Five of Diamonds
6 or 16
Hit me.

1d13 ⇒ 8 1d4 ⇒ 2 Eight of Spades
14
Hit me.

1d13 ⇒ 10 1d4 ⇒ 3 10 of Diamonds.
24
Busted!

Molten Dragon was rated 4F.

Shouldn't that be ankles?

There's not much damage 20 zombies who are only 2" tall can do.

Pulg is a spokesperson for the Hair for men club.

FIRE!

...Dogs and Suds.

The Paladin fell because it was a lightning storm and he was wearing fullplate.

The Paladin went for a walk.

...Mort Walker

...Betty Davis Eyes

...Solar powered night lights.

Str: 4d6 - 1 ⇒ (4, 2, 5, 1) - 1 = 11
Dex: 4d6 - 1 ⇒ (5, 4, 4, 1) - 1 = 13
Con: 4d6 - 2 ⇒ (6, 4, 3, 2) - 2 = 13
Int: 4d6 - 1 ⇒ (1, 4, 2, 3) - 1 = 9
Wis: 4d6 - 2 ⇒ (3, 6, 2, 4) - 2 = 13
Cha: 4d6 - 1 ⇒ (3, 1, 6, 5) - 1 = 14

Why not, indeed.

Seeing is believing.

I'm sure I am.

Thank you.

I am winning.

Really? So do I! Mind you, if I'm going to burn someone alive in something to torture them horridly, I prefer the brazen bull.

Read that book a month ago. It was great.

Is it okay to say that I am winning?

Only fair, since it was stolen in the first place.

That was a proper story, the pirate was a villain and loses to the hero.