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Him I would let Fester eat.


Well you can't beat them...

So what clan of vampires are all of you? reiner screams bruja to me.

Sovereign Court

Well, considering that bruja is Spanish for "witch", I sincerely doubt that!

But, if you must know, I'm from the Toreader clan.

Vampire Schism is of the Malkavian clan (albeit indirectly).

And obviously Fester Addams is part of the Nosferatu clan.


COUNT REINER HEYDRICH'S WEARING DIRTY SOOOCKS,
TOREADOR! TOREADOR!

Sovereign Court

How dare you say such a thing? You crude and uncivilised piece of dirt on Pulg's foot!

I shall have you know that, the Toreader clan are the artisans of the vampire world!

And, for clarification, I will let all of you know the following:

The Malkavian clan are the most intelligent, but insane, of all vampires (they often hear voices).

With the Nosferatu clan being the ugly, degenerate rejects of vampire society.

Finally, if you wish to know more about the various vampire clans, let me know.

*Goes to punish Pulg's Fairy Operatic Tenor, only to find that GoatToucher has already done it.*


That ought to help him hit those high Cs.

And I suppose I must have feet, but I swear I've never seen them if so.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:


But, if you must know, I'm from the Toreader clan.

Vampire Schism is of the Malkavian clan (albeit indirectly).

Wait! You turned me. If you are Toreader, how am I Malkavian? (Whatever either are.)

Sovereign Court

Ah yes, please allow me to clarify the intricacies of vampire society.

The Toreader clan has long been associated with art and socializing, which is incorporated into their weakness – when they are faced with a thing of beauty, they struggle to turn their attention from it.While other vampires can travel through human society, and even blend in, the Toreador do it flawlessly and effortlessly. They are the closest to humans in appearance; they enjoy being in the center of the spotlight, and having mortals admire them. They're also the best manipulators and can easily get kine to do what they want. The Toreador are creatures of beauty and passion, and most of them were musicians, artists and poets in their mortal lives. Schism SHOULD also be of the Toreader clan, but her chaotic alignment has affected the type of vampire she has become.

Now for the Malkavian clan. Malkavians are all clinically insane; the mental illnesses they suffer range from schizophrenia to near-catatonia. Malkavians carry the curse of madness, each childe gaining a degree of insanity after their Embrace. Their unhinged minds allow them to see things other Kindred cannot, a trait often referred to as the 'Gift of Insight'. A Malkavian's level of madness varies; no two Kindred of the clan seem to be the same, from emotionless sociopaths to raving lunatics and everything in between. Their blood can also pass this madness onto their Ghouls, twisting their mind and personality from the moment they ingest it. They also have been known to hear ghostly voices.

I suppose it's worth noting that I am often affiliated with the Venture clan (who serve as the undisputed leaders of all vampires). If a vampire is the CEO of a major business company, chances are that they are from the Venture clan.

And for those of you who don't know certain phases in the vampire language:

Kine is an archaic term meaning a collective of cows.

And childe is the term used to represent those that have been "embraced".


Whee! I'm special!

Sovereign Court

Very nice, now come with me please. GoatToucher says that you're for dissection.

As in, you are the thing that is going to be dissected.


Dissection's happen. eventually people get bored or die of old age and you can just wonder off.

Sovereign Court

And YOU, Vidmaster7, are going to be dissected next!


Meh it happens.


I always thought that 'dissect' meant being rude about, say, Primitive Baptists, or Lubavitchers.


I've heard it used to mean taken something apart. Like dissect ones argument or something like that.


I think GoatToucher is just trying to discover what powers that wonderful beard of yours.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
I've heard it used to mean taken something apart. Like dissect ones argument or something like that.

Pulg was making a hairy pun, I'm afraid. 'Dissect' = 'Diss-sect'

Sovereign Court

*In a really derpy voice.* I don't get it!


Of course you don't.
Just go back to sleep on your flagpole.
I'll wake you up when there is something important you need to know.


Oh HAHAHAHA... I don't get it.

Sovereign Court

What's to get? Vampire Schism isn't the sort to make jokes.

And nor is regular Schism for that matter.


It was actually directed at Pulg's wives.

Sovereign Court

Really? It wasn't made clear to the rest of us.


It's hard to enunciate clearly with a mouthful of hair.


That is true.

Sovereign Court

What's all this about the colour blue?

Or are you saying that something is new?


Nos-ferat-blue.


Fangs sung blue, everybody knows one!


Tea for two or two for tea!?!


Twofer?


You mean vampire twins?

Sovereign Court

Impossible! Everyone knows that vampires try to eat eachother whilst in the womb!

That's why, even if they have siblings, vampires are always born singularly.


Wait since when do vampires even start in the womb? Aside from blade I guess.


Vampire's children are obviously born underwater... because they're dhampir than other babies!!!!!

Awk awk awk awk!

Sovereign Court

I'll let Vidmaster7's beard deal with you, Chuck Les.

And vampires can breed true, just pureblood ones though, those that were "turned" can't.


Chuck Les, Son of Jokey wrote:

Vampire's children are obviously born underwater... because they're dhampir than other babies!!!!!

Awk awk awk awk!

I get it!

Scarab Sages

*reaches out of Vidmaster7's Closet with ridiculously-stretchy arm, snatches The Win right out from under his beard*

Now I got it!


That's an old toffee, I'm afraid.


I was SOOO CLOSE!
I do like toffee...

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

I know that feeling. Just shy of 7 days.

Sovereign Court

Why is it that 7 days makes you feel shy, Charles?

Liberty's Edge

Because it makes one week!

Sovereign Court

*Puts on the trademark comedy glasses with the bushy eyebrows, fake nose and moustache.*

Eh, leave comedy to the professionals, ok buddy?

Liberty's Edge

See my character sheet?

I YAM A PROFESSIONAL, PAL!!!

*Panter Flauclaws is promptly struck by a bullet-velocity sweet potato*

Sovereign Court

*The bullet-velocity sweet potato bounces off harmlessly.*

If you want a funny reaction, do it to somebody else. Like Vidmaster7, for example, that's always a riot.


Vid can only be harmed by legumes, I'm afraid.

Sovereign Court

So long as it's a funny reaction, I don't care whether he gets harmed or not.


Nothing funny about Vid's beard.

Sovereign Court

Of course there isn't, no beard is ever really funny!

Now, the person wearing the beard, that's completely different!


In Vid's case, the beard is wearing him.

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