The Official Captain Yesterdays Only Thread


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Hey, you!

Yes, you!

Are you Captain Yesterday?

No?

Yes you are.

And this is the place for YOU!

A place to discuss how great it is to be a Captain Yesterday!

To tell everybody how your troubles were so far away!

To swap makeup tips!

To topple cows - and kingdoms!

Come one, come all! The price of one admission is your mind!


I told the captain, every chance I could, to not put the cows in the rigging, even if they do tie magnificent knots.


Alright where are we setting up the bar? Can't bloody well have a thread of this potential magnitude without a bar!


Fine!!! I will stay out of this thread! GOODBYE!!! ~walks away in a huff~


What are you doing man!

Red button is jump!! red button is jump!!


Tis a silly place.


My red button reloads!!!!! DAMMIT WHY CAN'T I BUTTON MAP!!!!


Brigadier General Yesterday wrote:
My red button reloads!!!!! DAMMIT WHY CAN'T I BUTTON MAP!!!!

Why, back in my day, we only had the one button! And we called it a joystick!


You are all getting sleepy....obey our overlord and master...


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Obey the potato


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Get out, get out of The Official Captain Yesterdays Only Thread! No tubers allowed!

*ooooooooh*

Let the potato stay
The potato is our friend
All power to the potato
Alle Macht der Kartoffel

Dark Archive

Or is it?


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Prances through thread. Kicks over bean curd...

Liberty's Edge

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My bean curd!


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{nibbles spilled curd} W̼̜ḫ̻̩͎̱̠̻̰͜ę̭̬e͉͓̣̝̥̟̲̼͝k̰̞͍̲̮̘̦̟͢?̸͙̼̩̥́


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

There are entirely too many people flouting the rules.

You're never going to have as many aliases as I have if you don't add a few (dozen) Captain Yesterdays.


So how does one become a Captain Yesterday?


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It was easy, I just went to the local Captain Yesterday lodge and volunteered!


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

The first part is easy, just go to create new alias, try to find a variation I haven't used (good luck!)

The second part is a way of life, derived from equal parts Office Space, Dwight Schrutte, The Simpsons, Archer, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Knight Rider, Legends of the Fall, Arrested Development, Futurama, and movie trailers where they take a swing from a whiskey bottle and shatter it on the ground in slow motion.

And yes, that is absolutely a thing. example one. example two


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{jingles all the way up to 11}


Ensign 8minutesago wrote:
I told the captain, every chance I could, to not put the cows in the rigging, even if they do tie magnificent knots.

Cows are great for everything!


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what a terrible thread. why not just set fire to a magazine rack? it would have the exact same effect.


Magazine rack?

Is that an app?


Cap'n Zoolander, FaWtLy Fashion wrote:
Ensign 8minutesago wrote:
I told the captain, every chance I could, to not put the cows in the rigging, even if they do tie magnificent knots.
Cows are great for everything!

What is this? A thread for cows? How can we be expected to teach others to learn how to Yesterday... if they can't even fit inside the thread? {tips self}


Heartsick Teen Drama lucky7 wrote:
My bean curd!

That was Yesterday's bean curd.

It's gone off now.


Viscount of Two Moons Hence wrote:

Magazine rack?

Is that an app?

It's where you keep your copies of 'Yesterdays Illustrated', or 'Popular Yesterdays', or 'Barely Yesterday'

If you're very lucky.


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Also, here, if your post is at the top of the page, you are Captain Yesterday.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Can I be someone else if I'm at the top of the page. :-)

On account, I'm already Captain Yesterday.

But not Brad Pitt, turns out he's a huge a@%~+*&.


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The thing is, if you're not Captain Yesterday, you're not allowed in the thread.

If you're still Captain Yesterday even when you're not, however, that's fine. We'll just have to guess who you're supposed to be when it happens.


No, I'm going to be Regis Philbin, he's still classy.

I hope.


Reno is infested with Regis impersonators.


Sure those aren't Elvis?


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Checks Chloroform supplies, Googles "Regis Philbin's home address"

Who said anything about impersonating.


No, every year, all the Regii skitter home to Reno, much as the swallows return to Capistrano, the Elvii to Vegas, and the Paulies Shore to the Bio-Dome.


Begins scribbling notes hastily.

And where might this Bio-Dome be seems like a good place to lose a few angry owlbears.


Ahoy, has anyone seen the bree?


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Is that a bra for a bee?


This place will have a lot more favorite'd posts once I make sure Tacticslion finds it.


Ensign 8minutesago wrote:
Ahoy, has anyone seen the bree?

Isn't that where Frodo was supposed to meet Gandalf.


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You ever notice Kathie Lee Gifford is never seen in public on full moons? She's probably an afflicted were-Regis on those nights.


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What if she's really Batman, or was until Kelly "Azrael" Ripa broke her legs and took her place.


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Installs anti politics countermeasures to the Pillow Fort, assigns Swedish moose (from Stockholm) to armaments.

I'm done, got my fill.

Ladies! If anyone mentions Trump or Clinton again.

eyes darken ominously.

Shoot on sight!


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Tiptoes through thread, putting bumper stickers of Trump kissing Clinton on every flat surface...

Oh wait, is that Bill!?!?!? Ah, well, no matter...

Keeps on placing stickers


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gets out napalm he'd been saving for the emotionally complicated sparkly teenage zombie vampire apocalypse.

*sigh*


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I have to admit, Captain Yesterday's are a lot less popular than I thought.

Maybe I haven't leaked enough sex tapes.

Or perhaps I've leaked too many.


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;)


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Wait... what's going on, here, again?
It's too early and I've not yet had sweet tea...


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Funny, that's the exact same thing Captain Yesterday's wife said.


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There's a magical place, we're on our way there,
With thousands of Captains, all under one roof!
It's called Yesterday, Yesterday, Yesterday!


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Indeed, tis a silly place.

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