Cap'n Yesterday, FaWtL Tourism's page

Themetricsystem wrote:

I gotta be brutally honest and just say that you must live in a very nice neighborhood and haven't really seen how the other half lives if that kind of behavior is perplexing to you. Trash fires, let alone a bit of plastic in a fireplace are more common pretty much worldwide than a recycling bin on the curb.

Hey, where I grew up, people would throw styrofoam on the Fire and not mind the smell just because they like to watch the way it melted and bubbled as it burned.

This explains a lot about Northern Wisconsin, actually.

Styrofoam smells when it melts, I just thought it was tires that smelled when they burn, and that's only if you aren't drinking Milwaukee's Best.

Well, the hazards of road trips versus flying for vacation include having a rock hit the windshield somewhere going through Pennsylvania last weekend and it's cracked halfway across so I need to replace it instead of just preparing it which is over 400 bucks. And when mom and I came home from taking the kids to the children's museum today, I discovered that the tire on my Subaru was completely flat, and when I put the donut on and took it to the nearest tire shop, they told me that my treads were too low to replace just one and I need to replace all four.

I am not particularly joyful at the moment.

Every time I've driven through Butte I got a cracked windshield. I've only driven through there 5 times.

I'll just let the rest of FaWtL do with that statement as they will.

NobodysHome wrote:

Then you realize you're in California and the apocalypse is going to be a wildfire, and it's a wooden fence, so not so much...

Don't be so pessimistic. Its California. Your Apocalypse could be wildfire, earthquake, mudslide, riot, or drought.

I mean, you forgot volcanic eruption, the Kardashians, intelligent apes, and Kaiju attacks.

I'm pretty sure they drench the golden gate bridge in Kaiju pheromones every morning, just in case.

Really weird phenomenon going on around here since roughly mid-January: A manyfold increase in the number of cars parked facing the wrong way on the local streets.

It used to be unusual enough that you might see it once or twice a month. In the last few weeks we've seen more than two dozen cars parked facing the wrong way, all over Albany.

It's just... weird...

Mayhaps you have an influx of people from Dubuque, Iowa. Those people absolutely hate parking on the correct side of the street.

All I know is central time is the best time.

It's just good science.

Impus Major safely landed in Washington, D.C. without incident and is off to a wedding in Virginia. It's his first time east of Nevada (in the U.S.), so I look forward to hearing his reaction to East Coasters.

He wanted to rent a car. I'm glad he didn't. The last thing the East Coast needs is aggressive young California drivers on their backroads...

The last thing Impus Major needs is to be a California driver lost on Virginia's back roads.

Cheese is important.

This guy gets it!

Scintillae wrote:

How is it that the closest I've come to an actual fight in my classroom wasn't to do with the Lord of the Flies survival activity but a disagreement over whether or not "Monterey Jack cheese" should be capitalized?

How about whether or not "Colby-Jack" should be hyphenated?

The only thing that matters is it says it's made in Wisconsin.

One of the floating assistants for my grade level found out last night she had Covid,so all unvaccinated children who were at school yesterday have to quarantine at home.

I have five Kindergarteners in my class for the rest of the week.

That's a lot for Texas! You must work at one of those hippie schools I keep hearing about.

Humanity is overrated.

That's why whenever I travel I just tell people I'm Canadian! Go Maple Leafs, Eh!

Celestial Healer wrote:

I love Girl Scout cookies!!

Are they made with real Girl Scouts?

It varies state to state.

captain yesterday wrote:

lisamarlene wrote:

So we all know that I'm an idiot. This is an established fact.

Tonight, at around 6:45, I ran up the staircase to Hermione's room to let her know that dinner was ready, turned around and ran back down the carpeted staircase in my socks, slipped, fell, smacked the heck out of my back on the edge of a step and managed to twist a toe on my right foot so that it was jammed in at a funny-looking angle.

After 3 hours I got brave enough that I iced my foot for about 10 minutes and then pulled the toe and straightened out and it went straight with only a little pop pop pop but I don't think it's broken. My back still hurts like heck. We'll wait and see how I feel in the morning, but I'm not going to ask for a substitute unless I can't walk.

See, there's the raised in Wisconsin!

Ouch!

Although I'm surprised that after setting your toe you didn't help birth a calf and throw together a potluck.

I baked a loaf of bread later on.

But only because I'd already kneaded it and put it in the warm oven to rise before the accident.

I hurt like anything today, and the toe is a little swollen and stiff, but I have no bruises anywhere, which feels like an insult from the cosmos.

There it is! That's exactly the type of thing a Wisconsin person would do! You make us proud!!

Vanykrye wrote:

Of course, the reality of Tahiti, Wisconsin, is a trailer park, a biker bar, and a reservation casino. Just outside "town" will be a minigolf course.

Magical.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

Yeah, but you should see it at night, especially after Uncle Jed crashes his snowmobile after leaving the bar and Cousin Terry starts porking Lil Suzy's snowman on a meth binge.

It truly is a magical place.

But you can see that in any small Wisconsin town, not just Tahiti.

captain yesterday wrote:

Fun fact: I was almost an erotic baker, but landscaping paid more and I'm a bit claustrophobic by nature so I went with that, but I had a "sculpting" tryout and was told I was a natural. So at least I have that to fall back on.

This is how certain types of movies start.

The pacific northwest is a magical place!

Limeylongears wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Limeylongears wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Geez, it's hard being a dad.

Impus Major: Hey, Dad! You know that afternoon Halloween party I was going to go to in Pleasant Hill?
NobodysHome: Yeah...
IM: Well, it's been moved to Oakland...
NH: A bad part or a good part?
IM: Oh, a bad part! But the house is right across from a police station, so if there's any trouble it'll be OK! Oh, and instead of starting at 2:30 pm, it's starting at 9:00 pm!

Gee... a late-night house party in a lower-tier* area of Oakland with a bunch of suburbanites in their early twenties abusing substances. What can possibly go wrong?

So, I went over signs to watch for, went over when it was time to get the heck of out there, and I'm letting him go anyway.

Because kids have to be free and have to learn on their own.

** spoiler omitted **

The entirety of the UK?

LOL. I was wondering whether you'd pipe up. On this side of the pond we get the "Skewd News", and it really does make every country outside of the U.S. sound like a Socialist H***hole o'Doom.

Just poking fun.

That's OK - from a superficial reading of our mainstream media, it'd be easy to assume that the US is entirely populated with angry, rotund Caucasian men with tiny beards either shooting people or threatening to do so (because it's their job, or just for a hobby), popular entertainers, and blonde women with fabulous hair who like crystals very much and are scared of vaccines...

That's not a superficial read.

Hey, that hurts! Wait, no, that's the cholesterol!!

Celestial Healer wrote:

lisamarlene wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

lisamarlene wrote:

Aaaaand WW was just notified that his unemployment benefits have run out.

They are determining whether or not he is eligible for extended benefits under the CARES act, but I'm not holding my breath.

Ugh, that sucks! Yeah; I was under the impression that Texas had rejected the CARES funds entirely, but it looks like that way mainly schools. Good luck!

As it turns out, yes, that is correct.

Are there any other avenues or options?

Well, I'm too old and flabby to dance on tables.

Then Wisconsin is the place for you!

Old and flabby is exactly how we like our table dancers!

The Vagrant Erudite wrote:

Good point, NH...

Except for the abject poverty stricken who have Medicaid. Then the free healthcare isn't really a plus.

Plus the initial cost to move there is outrageous. I looked it up. I even had a conversation with some immigration folks from there a year ago. We're talking five figures lost just to get the right to move to the Netherlands - and that's on the cheaper end, and not counting the physical moving costs. That's just getting a Visa if you don't work in a highly desired field. (New business Visa was what I was looking at.)

It may be nice and break even in the long run, considering local economies probably pay enough to live there (I would hope), and free healthcare and all, but if you're not affluent already, throwing down $10K+ is not something you can do.

Oh, I was looking at Woran moving here, not vice versa.

We've looked into moving to Scotland and yep, for a paltry $2 million you can get a VIP visa, no questions asked. Anything less than that and you have to prove you won't be a burden on Scottish society.

All I know is, Wisconsin is the beezneez and you'd be a fool not to want to move here.

Cap'n "Grizzly Adams" Yesterday wrote:

Limeylongears wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

There I am!

That bear you're shaving seems to be unusually flat and green.

It's called camouflage. Animals have to be pretty crafty if they want to avoid inebriated Wisconsin hunters.

At first, I thought that said "inbred Wisconsin hunters", but that probably also works.

Yup, Wisconsin is a magical place!

I live in Madison, why would I want to go anywhere else.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Apparently the Polish author prided themself in using the letters that only appear in loan words as well.

These “perfect pangrams” are always difficult to parse. They cite an example in English that is truly 26 letters: “Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz.” That is theoretically an English sentence, but few English speakers could actually tell you what it means.

I'm going to come right out and say, "No, Welsh is not a language we borrow from."

Yeah, the Cambridge dictionary accepts it, but the English at least live remotely close to Wales. We 'Merikans reject it!

(I'll accept Old English because it's funny. But Welsh? Never!!!)

I believe it means "the queen has stodgy knickers".

Whatever that means.

Today is supposed to be my last day of school, but because of a thoroughly idiotic decision on the part of the Director, our inservice week next week is turning into optional "snow days" to make up for the week of winter storms we had in February. So most of them will be back on Monday.

Welcome to Wisconsin!

lisamarlene wrote:

I refuse to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo, or Oktoberfest until Pulaski Day is an official holiday in more places than just Chicago.

Puts on "Downstate Illinois Cap"

To be fair, Pulaski Day is a full state holiday in Illinois. Banks close, schools are closed, post offices are closed, etc, etc, etc. It's not just Chicago, but all of Illinois.

Sorry LM. You've hit the Downstate Illinois/Chicago Inferiority/Superiority Complex. From what Freehold and I talked about, it's similar to how New York City residents describe "Upstate New York" as everything north of the Bronx.

The main difference with me is that I'm one of the few downstate IL residents that doesn't actually hate Chicago.

Everyone knows there's Chicago, and Chicago Adjacent. Everything else is just highway.

The problem with an apple addiction is you can't see a doctor about it.

Wisconsin is the place for you if you have an apple addiction. We have almost as many apples as Michigan with a quarter of the a@~%~%#s.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about Lovecraftian horror. Can we not get some motherf$@@in' Lovecraftian ROMANCE up in here?!?

That's what Pornhub is for.

Evening, all. What did I miss?

Fortunately you still have time to make plans for the Texas Testicle Festival.

Poor logistic planning is what America does best.

Wait, best and most are the same thing, right?

(3491 new messages. Wow.)

lisamarlene wrote:

Even *I* can't do gallows humor today.

I'm not in favor of gallows humor after today. I am, however, all for guillotine humor.

Welcome to Galt!

Here, take a head!!

Woran wrote:

I tried googeling milkmaids for freehold to cheer him up, but being dutch all my hits are of Vermeer :(

Vermont? I don't understand.

No one understands Vermont, that's part of it's "charm".

I thought the reason there was so many drunk people in Tennessee was to forget they're in Tennessee.

Damn, you can't even do alcoholism right.

captain yesterday wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

*SIGH*

Looks like:
(1) New backyard neighbors own a dog
(2) New backyard neighbors didn't bother with a simple fence check before letting said dog loose in their new back yard

On the bright side, the dog is not an "attack cats on sight" type.
On the other hand, with both cats outside and trapped on leashes, having strange dogs show up in my yard is quite irritating to me.

So now this weekend I get to mend some fences.

You're gonna shoot the dog, huh.

Oh wait, you meant literally! Wow, these types of situations are handled very differently in the Midwest.

Although, it's a new neighbor, so you'd probably give a warning the first time (without bothering to fix the fence, obviously) after that it's considered open season.

Woooow...

...you've shattered my image of the Midwest as one of those places where animals are more important than people.

Kind of like Texas...

Animals are more important than people. Pets are not animals in the Midwest, they're alarm systems for farms.

Your pets are important. Other people's pets aren't.

I guess that's why Wisconsinites consider Illinoians "soft".

I have never been to a strip club. The one in the town where I live was notorious for employing a 14 year old at one point, and looked like a grotty scum-chasm from the outside. Given that it wasn't called a 'Gentleman's Club', there was no incentive for them to clean either the premises or the staff, so the interior would have been even worse.

So, YOU have been to central Wisconsin!

Freehold DM wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

According to dealerships and cops, Prius catalytic converters actually resell for $200-$250, so they're a HUGE market around here, since they only take 5-10 minutes each to remove.

there's a swinging business in catalytic converters roundabouts. Forget the metals, it's a great way to hustle Prius owners in Queens and Long Island if you're careful.

That sounds like *SUCH* a "New York Thing":

Prius Owner: Hey! My catalytic converter's been stolen! And it's over $2000 to fix it! What gives?!?!?!
Shady Dealer: Psst... buddy! I can do the repair job for only $1000!
Prius Owner: Sounds great! Get to it!
Shady Dealer: Well, wouldja lookit that? This used one I happened to have in stock fits your Prius perfectly, as if they were made for each other! Even the wear patterns are the same!
Prius Owner: Golly! What a coincidence! Here's your money, Fine Sir!

Hey man, if you don't like how things are done in Chicago you can call Vinny in the Better Business Bureau.

So, are you gonna pay me for your catalytic converter or not?

So, some time between Saturday and last night someone stole the catalytic converter off our Prius while it was parked in front of the house. And it's not the $2k-$3k that it's going to cost us so much as the psychological damage:

(1) You spend your life trying to be a good person, help others, and donate thousands to help those affected by COVID. In return, someone wrecks your car. Kind of eliminates your faith in karma.

(2) Why fix it? We don't have comprehensive on the car so insurance won't cover it, so it's a HUGE out-of-pocket expense for a 16-year-old car that might just get vandalized again.

And it's just the sheer frustration that there's such a HUGE market for stolen goods that no matter what you steal, you'll find a buyer. I mean, seriously. "Wanna buy a used catalytic converter? Cheap?"
You KNOW it's stolen, but you buy it anyway...

Continues to erode one's faith in humanity as a whole.

Welcome to Chicago!

We're working in Dane, a town so small they only have 3-4 bars, a gas station and one WW 2 memorial.

In fairness, according to the rest of the state, we're only happy because we're stoned delusional hippies.

Two out of three ain't bad.

And you're just now noticing this.

I want to live where you do!

Celestial Healer wrote:

You could always trade in the $800,000 house in Albany, CA for a studio apartment in Manhattan or a broom closet in San Francisco!

If I weren't allowed to live in them, I'd have trouble affording rent in either of the places I own. That's how bad it is around here.

You could move to Madison and buy two McMansions on any number of golf courses.

Or buy an actual mansion in Shorewood Hills (some people will tell you Maple Bluff, those people are a#@!#$~s).

Vanykrye wrote:

I'm on call right now. I'm about to throw my phone into the Illinois River. I might have sounded a bit...penile...by the end of this, but I've had it.

Me: IT, this is Vany.
User: Hi Vany!
Me: Hi.
Silence
User: What do you need from me?
Me: How about your name?
User: Oh! (Name)
Me: And what is the issue?
User: I need to log into my phone...
Me: And?
User: I don't know my extension or the password.
Me: ...I don't know it either...
User: (rudely) Well why not? Aren't you IT?! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to log into my phone?!
Me: If you aren't able to remember your own phone number I suggest you talk to your supervisor.
*hang up on user*

This is the emergency line. It's meant for major outages, like entire departments or offices are down. They have been informed of this many, many times, yet they persist. Supervisors out of three offices just default to "call this number" rather than go through the right procedures. I'm absolutely done with waking up to my phone ringing at 2:30 in the morning because of a printer jam in Atlanta GA.

how polluted is this river? Would the phone climb out of the river as a sentient being wanting to serve you?

It's right in the name, the Illinois River, of course the phone is climbing out of the river an unholy abomination.

Canada, huh.

Waits for apology for brothers subjecting him to entirely too much Bryan Adams music as a kid.

See Dan run.

I live every day like it's the top of the page.

I'm pretty sure we win in all three categories.

It's the other parts of my body I'm told not to touch in public.

There are almost no mosquitoes on the West Coast.

I thought Philadelphia was known for throwing batteries at Santa Claus.

Garfunkel and Oates are a national treasure.

When did this become the rules questions place?

fujisempai wrote:

I blame Cosmo that I finally caught up to this thread and the overheard at the paizo office thread. Now I need to find some other way to procrastinate.

I give you... FaWtL.

You're welcome.

EDIT: And now I look forward to Cosmo blaming ME for something! :-P

Just make sure you read every page.

The wuhan virus ain't nothin to f+*+ with!

Who said anything about virgins? This is why we don't like it when people invade us from Illinois during the summer.