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So, you've got 18 Charisma and max ranks in Bluff? Good for you! What should we lie about first?
No matter how good of a liar your character is, it doesn't mean much if you the player can't think of anything that you want NPCs to believe. Let's brainstorm some tall tales to tell. Remember to include the situation you're lying your way out of!
1.(You're invisible, but the guards detected you anyway.) "Thank goodness, I've found somebody! I was sure I was a goner when that barghest jumped me! I had to quaff my last potion of invisibility to try and escape, but I'm sure the beast will be right on my heels! Mercy's sake, surely you'll grant me asylum from it, won't you?"
2.(You're negotiating with a shady character.) "Wait, what did you say your name was? I thought I had heard of you before; your name came up just yesterday when I was meeting the Witchfinder General for tea! He didn't have kind things to say, I'm afraid, but I could be persuaded to convince him otherwise..."
3.(You wanted to play a Goblin or some other "monstrous" race, but the campaign takes place in Sandpoint and the GM insists you "roleplay it".) "I was born an elf, you see, but was slain helping defend a circle of druids from a lich. The druids were grateful enough to reincarnate me into the form you now see before you. They told me of some ancient magic that might restore my original form, but until I find it, well..."
4.(You were caught trying to sleight of hand away someone's valuables.) *smile happily and nod* "You are every bit as good as they said you would be. My name is (made up) Watanabe and I've been sent by enforcer's guild to recruit you. We have the new recruits meeting up just over there *point to random building*. If you are as brave as you are observant hurry there, rap upon the door twice, and show them this letter *hand them a thrice folded piece of paper (which may or may not say gullible on it when unfolded)." If they try to open it instead of walking stop them and exclaim "Hurry now don't dwaddle, your future awaits!"
5.
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6. Demonlord Zura, I give you my sincerest apologies for smashing your unholy shrine, but your followers lacked a certain degree of foresight when they planted it behind a door where one could easily crush it. I'm shocked, really! Look at the condition of your temple here! Your head priest really let this place go. If it would please your unholiness, could you tell us the location of his phylactery so we may punish him for this grave insult to your name?
(Yes, I actually did do this)
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7. (Spoken to the target of a tryst) Of course those aren't sores, I'm a faithful Paladin, so I'm immune to diseases.
8. (When caught skulking around the castle late at night) You've passed the test arranged by his Highness. Your awareness and attention to detail are unparalleled. The King will be pleased to hear that his guards preformed so well. I'll commend each of you by name when I meet with him upon the morrow. For now, I bid you farewell.
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Of course I love you.
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9. (When pirates are planning to board your ship)
That's not fair, i've paid him point at random pirate a large sum on the promise you'd leave us alone. I'm on this trip to make money, not losing what i don't even have. (Incite infighting and sail away)
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10. (To a murderous prince who plans to kill your love after marrying her in order to incite war. Oh, and you've recently been resurrected by a mad mage via a mysterious pill covered in chocolate)
Linky
Of course I'll still respect you in the morning. (Succubus to victim)
11 (or 12?) [After grabbing the hind end of an extremely attractive bar maiden or waiter]
*Points to nearest person that isn't you.* "It was them..."
Bonus points if you point to a young brat, or someone who had been giving you and your party a rough time.
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11 (or 12?) [After grabbing the hind end of an extremely attractive bar maiden or waiter]
*Points to nearest person that isn't you.* "It was them..."
Bonus points if you point to a young brat, or someone who had been giving you and your party a rough time.
Thesing?
14. I have this healing spell, but it's a special and potent form of magic. It may feel a bit strange at first, but try not to resist it.
15.) "Um... this bottle I'm holding.... What is it? Uh... um... You know what FSCK IT!!!" [Throws bomb/Alchemist's Fire at questioners and runs]
16. Flask of alchemist fire:
"I've just bought this amazing whiskey, here have one. Bottoms up"
18. I love your mother and I just want to be your friend.
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19. These aren't the droids you're looking for
20. You want to go home and re think your life choices
21. I've got a permit for that
22. I said the words. Basically...
23. I've GOT the money
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44. It was an AMBUSH! (actually one unemployed cabbie w/a handlaser)
45. Negative; I am a meat popsicle
46. Corbin Dallas (really a lackey of the Zorg corporation with a forged multipass)
47. It's my WIFE (actually a genetically altered supreme being outside a door where the NPC can't see her)
48. I already paid for that
49. It's a one-of-a-kind ancient artifact (rusty old dagger)
50. I'm sooooo sorry that you touched me. If you hurry, the healer may still be able to help..(when being confronted by guards)
51. I'm really trying to impress the (female pc race) over there. Can you please play along?
52. Yes, it's actually a +2 Flame Longsword....now how much will you pay me for it?
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53) We didn't start the fire!
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56. You can see me?! Thank God, I've been wandering around trying to get someone's attention. I thought I was dead or something. (After being caught skulking in the shadows.)
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57. Princess / Prince (whichever is the apparent opposite gender of the guard you are talking to), that's an awful disguise! We have to get you to the castle at once!
(Make sure to use glibness for the win. Roll high enough, the guard might actually believe they were magically cursed former royalty.)
62. No i did not steal your necklace, it was the butler, it's ALWAYS the butler.
63. I'm the new guy, they didn't give me my uniform, i need a uniform if i'm to work here.
Proceed stealing/sabotaging around the place.
64. Hww did we get in? You invited us (Waves hand in the air). (My bard actually did this when we snuck in to a magistrate's mansion, gotta love a nat 20)
65. "We're reverse-burglars. Congratulations, it's your lucky day!"
Throw money at person, dirty trick CMB +500 circumstantial modifier for style, knock them out, proceed with stealing.
66. "You don't want to go in there, the corpse bled spiders. That's also why we burned it."
A long story.
67. Now my child. Your Mom and I aren't going to make you decide which one you love more.
Always did like Asterix and Obelix.
70. My father was a demon!
71. I knew that you had a birthday coming up and wanted to make sure I did not get you something you already had. Now YOU have ruined the surprise!
*If you are ever caught stealing*
72. It's just a large wooden horse really.
74. <walking up to the group of orcs preparing to ambush your party> There are more of us than you think!
75. <The witch upon being asked what she was doing by the well when the village was murdered> You're right, I think somebody did indeed poison the well.
76. *caught in an evil campaign kidnapping the princess* "Honey, I thought YOU locked the door!"
77 *caught in the middle of a burglary* "I'm with the city guard, I have a search warrant back in in my saddlebags. I'll be right back and don't touch anything"