Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread

[Sean K Reynolds]

Welcome!

This is the official "Critique My Item" placeholder thread.

Why are we posting this now and why is it locked?

First, we want there to be an official thread and this is how we have done it in the past.

Second, we want it to be locked until at least Friday (Jan 25th). Tuesday is the day to celebrate those who made the cut (and some of that will spill over to Wednesday and Friday). Friday is the deadline for the Top 32's archetypes, so they'll be busy until then. Starting Friday, we can open up this thread to discuss the items that didn't make it. It's how we've done it in the past and it has worked well.

So for now, if you didn't make the cut, turn your attention to those who did. Discuss their items. Then, when this thread opens, submit yours (it helps if you paste your item into the thread so everyone can read it, not just the judges) for discussion and feedback.

Please don't post in this thread between now and when the tech team locks it.

If you didn't make the cut, remember that the other fans (and the judges, time permitting) have been very good about providing you feedback. Please be patient and allow people time to read through the items and get to yours.

If you really want to make a thread that is about your item, and only your item, there's always the Suggestions/House Rules/Homebrew forum. It's available 12 months a year.

Stay civil, be professional, and be willing to accept criticism. The responses you get here may be the tools you need to build yourself a better item next year and get into the Top 32.

Remember that this year's judging process was different than previous years: instead of the three judges sorting through all the items and creating a "short list" of candidates for the Top 32, you--the public--voted on items and created a sorted list, and the judges looked over the top items. (The judges also did a cursory skim of another 100 or so items beyond the highest-ranked ones just to see if there were any gems hidden in there, but it turns out the public vote did a really good job of pushing the best items up to the very top.)

Your response to any feedback you get here should not be "what was my overall rank in the public vote?" It should be "what mistakes did I make that I can avoid next time?" and "what can I do to create a better item next time?" An item that was #325 may have had a simple but glaring flaw that got it voted down; an item that was #40 may have been popular but had a subtle flaw that the voters missed, overlooked, or ignored. Learn from this feedback and use it to become a better designer and a better writer.

If you
Thanks everyone! Congrats for entering and good luck!

[CouncilofFools]

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil
Aura faint conjuration and enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This silver masquerade mask is adorned with black feathers rumored to be of erinyes origin. The wearer may make diplomacy checks to adjust the initial attitude of humanoids even if the target creature cannot understand her. If the target creature does understand the wearer, his attitude may be adjusted by more than two steps per the results of the diplomacy check.
Once per day, the wearer may attempt a touch attack as a standard action while grappled or kissing a creature within one size category of her. A successful touch attack ejects a viscous, silver substance from the wearer’s mouth into the target’s mouth and throat, occluding his airway and causing the target creature to begin suffocating (see Pathfinder RPG Core Rulebook, page 445). A DC 20 heal check will dislodge the substance and a successful dispel magic will cause the silver substance to dissolve. Regardless, the substance dissolves 10 minutes after being created.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, web; Cost 2,000 gp

[Herremann the Wise]

Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane
Aura strong evocation; CL 13th
Slot —; Price 78,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description

A miniature animate imp of carefully sculpted detail and paranoid disposition forms the handle crowning this 3-foot long cane of exquisitely polished mithral. Typically accompanied by the imp’s energetic protests and gesticulations, the holder finds a gentleman’s ensnaring cane clammy to touch, surprisingly weighty to heft, and slick to hold.

As a standard action, the holder activates the cane by thrusting it into the ground, holding it pinned. Upon impact, flailing ribbons of visible force coruscate out from the cane, ensnaring up to four target creatures of Gargantuan size or less within 100 feet (Reflex DC 20 negates). Fine threads of force tightly harness ground-based, underwater, and airborne targets: seizing them just above ground, submerged, and aloft respectively. Ensnared targets can defend themselves normally but are dimensionally pinned as though affected by a dimensional anchor spell and cannot through means mundane or magical shift from their ensnared position.

As a free action immediately before each ensnared target’s turn, the holder may twist the cane magically repositioning the target in a clear straight line to any unoccupied position within 100 feet of the cane (possibly generating attacks of opportunity). Then during the ensnared target’s turn, the target may perform actions unhindered, except attempts at movement are nullified.

At the start of the holder’s next turn, or if the holder prematurely unpins the cane or fails to maintain contact, the cane absorbs the desperately objecting imp and ends all magical effects (possibly causing falling damage).

The holder can only activate a gentleman’s ensnaring cane while the unabsorbed imp remains atop. If absorbed, the indignant imp sullenly reforms atop the bare cane at midnight.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimensional anchor, forcecage; Cost 39,000 gp

[Jacob Kellogg]

Ghoulslayer Gloves
Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Often inscribed with invectives against the necromancer Geb and his legacy, these silver-studded leather gloves can focus healing magic into crackling bolts of undead-slaying energy. Whenever the wearer casts a cure spell (any spell with "cure" in the name), she may target an undead creature within close range as if using the Reach Spell metamagic feat (Advanced Player's Guide 168). Undead creatures do not receive the normal Will save to halve the damage when affected by a cure spell enhanced by ghoulslayer gloves. Both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Reach Spell, cure light wounds; Cost 2,500 gp

[Jerry Keyes]

Hi fellow contestants and judges!

Here’s my entry. Please tell me how the ethos swarm charm fell short in your eyes, and really be honest. I’m serious about writing and need to understand where I went wrong. Don’t hold back, you won’t hurt my feelings. If someone already mentioned the thing that bugged (no pun intended) you, then feel free to “+1” their comments so I can see how many people hated the same thing(s).

Thanks for taking the time.

Ethos Swarm Charm

Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 8,000 gp; Weight —

Description
This small glass disk is gently convex on both sides and encircled in a thin, silver band. Suspended within the glass is a tiny insect or arachnid. When activated, the charm bearer and all his gear temporarily transforms into one of several swarms. The exact swarm type depends upon the charm bearer's alignment, as shown below:

Lawful good: Crab swarm (Bestiary)
Neutral good: Snake swarm (Bestiary 3)
Chaotic good: Monkey swarm (Bestiary 2)
Lawful neutral: Wasp swarm (Bestiary)
Neutral: Centipede swarm (Bestiary)
Chaotic neutral: Mosquito swarm (Bestiary 2)
Lawful evil: Cockroach swarm (Bestiary 2)
Neutral evil: Rat swarm (Bestiary)
Chaotic evil: Leech swarm (Bestiary)

The transformed individual gains the attributes and abilities of the listed swarm for a number of rounds equal to his level. While in swarm form, the individual retains his mental faculties and current hit points, but he may not speak, cast spells, or use any of his class or racial abilities. The charm may be activated once per day.

Optionally, the charm may be destroyed by intentionally inflicting 1 hit point of damage to it. In so doing, the bearer transforms one last time, using the following list to determine the swarm type:

Any good or lawful alignment: Jellyfish swarm (Bestiary 2)
Any neutral alignment: Rot Grub swarm (Bestiary 3)
Any evil or chaotic alignment: Tick swarm (Bestiary 2)

For example, a chaotic good bearer has the option to transform into either a jellyfish swarm or a tick swarm. In all other aspects, the charm functions as described above.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, summon swarm, vermin shape II; Cost 4,000 gp

[CouncilofFools]

I got the item up quickly, but I want to say thank you all for the time and effort. And if someone wants to "pimp my item" to show me how they could have possibly taken the item to Superstar status, please feel free.

[verdigris]

Porcine Pendant
Aura faint illusion, faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 3,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This whimsical, multi-hued crystal pendant in the shape of a pig spins at the end of a silver chain. Once per day, the wearer may disconnect the pig from the chain and toss it to the ground. Doing so transforms the pendant into a small fey-touched pig, covered in spots of pink, green and blue.
The pig waddles up to 20 feet away and begins to dance. For 1 minute, it frolics and spins, creating a pleasing blur pattern of color that fascinates those within 20 feet. Upon completion of the dance, humanoid viewers’ attitude towards the pig and its owner shifts 2 steps closer to friendly unless they succeed on a (DC14) Will save. In addition, the pig’s fey-touched charm allows the wearer to make a Diplomacy check at +5 to convince affected creatures to do things they would not otherwise do, as per the charm person spell.
The pig returns to pendant form one round after the completion of its fascinating dance feature and must be connected to the chain and worn around the neck for 24 hours before it may be used again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, carry companion, hypnotic pattern, craft jewelry; Cost 1,750 gp

[Thunderbuckets]

Any comments or thoughts are very much appreciated. Thanks, folks!

Siegebreaker Cymbals
Aura moderate transmutation and evocation; CL 16th

Slot none; Price 4,100 gp (cold iron or silver, single), 10,100 gp (adamantine, single); Weight 2 lbs.
Description

Etching the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals are metallic runes, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine. A single cymbal has no magical effects.

When two siegebreaker cymbals of different metals are crashed together—a standard action requiring a DC 19 Perform (percussion) check—the air vibrates jarringly within a 30ft. radius, echoing with clanging steel and ancient battle cries. Creatures in the vibration possessing damage reduction overcome by one cymbal's metal type have the reduction swapped to the other cymbal's metal. The damage reduction's magnitude is unaffected. The area remains centered on the cymbalist.

Creatures may ignore this effect with a Will save, DC equal to the result of the Perform check. Afflicted creatures leaving the area immediately have their damage reduction return to normal, but are shaken for 1 round.

In addition, attacks made within the vibration no longer automatically overcome damage reduction solely on the basis of having enhancement bonuses. (+3 weapons would not automatically bypass cold iron and silver damage reductions, for instance.)

While the vibration normally lasts one round, a bard may further expend rounds of bardic performance to maintain the effect for up to one minute. This requires a standard action each round; otherwise, this functions as a regular bardic performance. When the vibration ends, both cymbals lose their magical properties for one hour. A siegebreaker cymbal may be treated as a weapon for the purpose of align weapon or magic weapon spells cast to modify the type of damage reduction it affects or bestows.
Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sculpt sound, sympathetic vibration; Cost 2,050 gp (cold iron or silver), 5,050 gp (adamantine)

[ulgulanoth]

Amulet of the Grasping Soul
Aura: strong transmutation CL15
Slot: neck Price 80,000gp
Description:
This white stone amulet has two effects depending on the creature that wears it. Corporeal creatures gain ghost touch special ability as the weapon enhancement to all items they wear and to themselves allowing them to hit incorporeal creatures with unarmed attacks or natural weapons, this ability extends to thrown weapons and projectiles and all spells cast by the wearer. When an incorporeal creature wears the amulet they can affect the material plane gaining the ability to pick up items and interact with their surroundings, any item they hold in their possession also becomes incorporeal allowing incorporeal creatures to take items and phase through objects with that item. Incorporeal creatures without a strength score use their charisma score to calculate their strength value to determine how much they can carry and how much force they can excerpt on the physical world. Finally incorporeal creatures without a strength score can add their charisma score to all attack and damage rolls.
Construction
Requirements: craft wondrous item, ethereal jaunt, greater magic fang, planeshift, Cost: 40,000gp

[Jacob Kellogg]

CouncilofFools wrote:

I got the item up quickly, but I want to say thank you all for the time and effort. And if someone wants to "pimp my item" to show me how they could have possibly taken the item to Superstar status, please feel free.

This! :)

[Emmanuel Greene]

First, let me say a quick "thank you" to all the judges and everyone who voted! I know this was a huge time commitment, and I appreciate your efforts!

Here's my item, the

Candle of Distant Assurance:

Candle of Distant Assurance
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 750gp; Weight —
Description
This simple white candle is of the sort often placed near a window when a loved one is away from home.

When created, it is bound to a single living creature by having a piece of that creature (such as a lock of hair or bit of nail) worked into its wax. Once lit, the candle can be extinguished just like any other candle, but will otherwise continue to burn without being consumed so long as the creature it is bound to remains alive. Snuffing the candle has no effect on the bound creature. The candle’s flame will burn bright and steady while the creature is well, but will flicker ominously if he is dying. If the creature dies, the candle’s flame will wink out. So long as the creature is dead, the candle cannot be relit by any means. Should the creature ever return to life, the candle will not spontaneously rekindle itself, but it can be relit.

This connection can be maintained over any distance, but if the creature is ever on a different plane than the candle for more one round, the candle will go out just as though he had died. Should the creature return to the same plane as the candle, it may be relit as if he had returned to life.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, status; Cost 375 gp

Designer's notes:

The idea behind this was to create an item that was very flavorful, low-cost, and was the sort of thing that even non-adventurers could use. I envision it being mostly used as a bit of extra background for a character -- the sort of thing a PC would drop some spare change at higher levels to give to the spouse or parents written into their backstory.

Cost was a problem; I wanted it to be cheap enough that low-level characters or NPCs could afford it, and that it would be cheap enough for high-level characters to buy as a "fluff" item. By the formula, a continual status effect would be (3x2x2000) 12,000gp. But nobody would spend that much on such a "useless" item! I rationalized dropping the cost in several ways:
1) Status is already a long-duration spell at 1 hour/level, so increasing that to continuous-duration is not as big a deal as it would be for some spells.
2) The candle provides less information than the spell. I originally had the flame dancing about in different ways depending on the character's status, but eventually I trimmed it down to just "alive, dying, or dead".
3) Comparing it with other items, it seemed like it should be somewhere around 1000 gp.

I originally priced the item at 1,000 gp, but finally just decided to bite the bullet and make it super-cheap, since again I didn't see much adventuring utility for the item. That's why I cut the item to 750 gp.

The name was the hardest part! I went through several different names, such as "Candle of Distant Affection", "Candle of the Distant Heart", "Candle of the Wayfairer's Light," and "Lifelight." The final name, "Candle of Distant Assurance," was actually something I thought up about an hour before submitting the item, and I think it works beautifully!

Self Criticisms:

The most obvious criticism is the missing word in the first line of the last paragraph. "...if the creature is ever on a different plane than the candle for more [than] one round..."

Aside from that, the item could be viewed as a "Spell-in-a-can." I was hoping that the flavor would help offset that, along with the differences in duration and the information available.

I can also see how the item might lack a certain ineffable "superstar-ness." But I'm curious to read whether you all have any notes or suggestions that might help me improve!

Thanks again, everyone, and best of luck to the Top 32!

[Duskrunner1]

Name: Fiddle of the Dance
Aura: moderate transmutation
CL: 6th
Slot: none
Price: 16800
Weight: 3 lbs.
________________________________________Description________________________ ________________
Of elven make, this elegant white oak fiddle is carved with knot work inlaid with silver. When played by a person who succeeds on a DC 15 Perform (string instruments) check each round, the fiddle emits a whimsical melody. All allies must be within 30 feet and able to hear the tune. Those affected start to dance, receiving a five foot step as an extra swift action at the end of the round. This effect continues as long as the player continues the song.

In the hands of a Bard however the true function is revealed. While the fiddle is being played all allies able to hear the bard’s performance start to dance, and as such can move half their movement rate across a wall or ceiling. This effect also allows those to dance across slippery surfaces. Once the playing song stops, or is interrupted, the effect ends. Those under the effects of the melody cannot do any other action but move, otherwise doing so ends the effects of the dance. The fiddle can be used this way twice a day, each time for only two minutes.
________________________________________Construction_______________________ _________________
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, spider climb, haste
Cost: 8400

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

[Jerett Schaufele]

Well, here goes. Can you guys please give me some constructive criticism?

Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage
Aura moderate divination; CL 5th
Slot slotless; Price 45,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This nondescript scrap of fabric belies its true nature by appearing as nothing more than a common rag or soiled cloth. Once per day, a Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage may be used to wipe the face of a living or dead humanoid creature that still retains its skin, thereby causing its eyes, nose, mouth, and hair (but not ears) to disappear, leaving its head smooth and featureless while transferring a smudgy replication onto the fabric. This effect causes the target’s senses of sight, smell, and ability to vocalize (where applicable) to be transferred to the fabric as if it were an extension of the target’s body. While the features remain imprinted on the cloth, the target’s body is unidentifiable based on facial features alone. In addition, a living target gains immunity to effects that rely on the ability to breathe (such as suffocation), however, any environmental conditions that would otherwise impair the affected senses (from the perspective of the imprinted fabric), still have their usual effect. An imprinted Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage may be separated from the source target by any distance; however, these effects immediately end and the target’s features reappear as normal if either the body or the fabric travel to another plane of existence, the cloth is fully submerged in a liquid, destroyed, or after 24 hours have passed otherwise. An unwilling humanoid creature may be targeted, however, it must be either helpless or otherwise restrained and still receives a DC 14 Will save to resist the handkerchief’s effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, clairaudience/clairvoyance, ventriloquism; Cost 22,500 gp

[Kiel Howell]

Intellectual's Clay Pipe - 78 Words

Intellectual's Clay Pipe
Aura faint transmutation; CL 2nd
Slot none; Price 2,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This small, reddish brown clay pipe produces a pleasant smelling smoke from tobacco smoked in it. The smoke relaxes and focuses the thoughts of the smoker after 5 minutes of smoking this pipe. This gives a +5 bonus to the smoker's next Knowledge check and allows that check to be made untrained.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Fox's Cunning; Cost 1,250 gp

I am in process of looking at the submissions to form critiques.

[Correlon]

Wings, Resplendent Battle
Aura moderate transmutation, abjuration and evocation [good]; CL 10th
Slot shoulders; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
Made from thousands of mithril feathers on curving darkwood frames, resplendent battle wings arch high and proud above their wearer’s head, and many bear heraldry or lance pennants from Lastwall. Once per day, the wearer may command the wings to emit a burst of radiance in a 30 foot radius, often by shouting a battle cry. Each good ally hit by the burst, including the wearer, gain access to the following bonuses for up to 10 rounds, choosing one bonus to apply each round at the beginning of their turn.

• Ignore difficult terrain when charging, even when mounted.
• Gain a +2 morale bonus to attack and damage rolls, and to saves against fear and charm effects.
• Cast a single spell on an adjacent ally without provoking attacks of opportunity.
• Use the aid another action to allow an adjacent ally to immediately attempt a new saving throw against a mind-affecting effect which initially allowed one.

In addition, once per burst while the effect lasts, one creature hit by the burst may willingly sacrifice itself for any other creature as an immediate action, even if it is not good or allied to the wearer. This functions exactly like paladin’s sacrifice. The activated wings shine like a sunrod, and make the wearer incapable of hiding or benefitting from concealment less than total cover, as well as immune to any effect that would grant invisibility or concealment.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blessing of fervor, paladin’s sacrifice, unbreakable heart, wake of light, creator must be good; Cost 17,500 gp

[Jerry Keyes]

CouncilofFools wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

I liked this entry and it didn't fall very often when compared. However, the piece that sets it apart from others is also kind of revolting. It makes the character (which is ultimately the person that will be using it) kind of evil-sounding.

I found your writing style very easy to read, but the combination of boring (the attitude adjustment) and gross (the puking) made it difficult to grade accurately.

You clearly have skills, so don't give up.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Here goes. I quite liked my item, but obviously was the only one, since no one's mentioned it yet at all (other than Eric's Big List o' Items).

I'm guessing the time theme threw some people (I knew it could be risky, though I thought it was really more fluff for something dealing with initiative) and maybe the mechanics were a bit confusing?

Time's Tide Pendant
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 25,000 gp; Weight –
Description
Time ebbs and flows oddly around this hourglass pendant, creating flickering duplicate images that trail after it whenever it is moved. Inside, a dull coppery metal dust ignores gravity, flowing up and down between the glass chambers as the pendant steals and grants precious seconds.

Activating the pendant, a swift action, takes time from the wearer, moving her spot in the initiative order to the end of the round as if she were delaying. In the next round, the pendant returns the time in a burst of speed, moving the wearer's initiative count to the top of the order.

Additionally, three times per day, on command, the pendant grants time to or steals time from a target within 30 feet (DC 15 Will save to negate). Granting time moves the target's initiative count up, so it acts immediately after the user (if it hasn't yet acted in the round) or at the top of the following round. Stealing time from the target moves its initiative count to the bottom of the round as if the target were delaying; if the target has already acted in the round, the change takes effect in the following round. The delay effect supersedes a target's readied action, which is not triggered before the target's new initiative count; the target may take any remaining actions it has available in the round at its new initiative or continue its readied action.

The pendant never prevents a target from acting or gives it more than one action in a round.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must be an oracle with the speed or slow time revelation (Ultimate Magic, page 56); Cost 12,500 gp

[David H]

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Ghoulslayer Gloves

Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Often inscribed with invectives against the necromancer Geb and his legacy, these silver-studded leather gloves can focus healing magic into crackling bolts of undead-slaying energy. Whenever the wearer casts a cure spell (any spell with "cure" in the name), she may target an undead creature within close range as if using the Reach Spell metamagic feat (Advanced Player's Guide 168). Undead creatures do not receive the normal Will save to halve the damage when affected by a cure spell enhanced by ghoulslayer gloves. Both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Reach Spell, cure light wounds; Cost 2,500 gp

I have to say I like the idea of these. Shame you can't "Heal" bomb an undead baddie at range with these, but the lack of a saving throw would have been ridiculous.

Honestly, I think the limited scope of the item is the biggest drawback, but it's something priced low enough that it's a good set of back up gloves if you know you're running through undead territory as a cleric or oracle. I upvoted it 'bout every time I saw these (3 if I recall right).

[Joseph Wilson]

I've been chickening out of entering for the last few years, and so I'm pretty proud of myself for finally getting up the courage to enter. The fact that I was in the Top 89 list that Clark posted was pretty mind-blowing to me, as it showed at least some folks thought that I did a decent job.

That all said, I obviously have a ways to go yet. Chiefly, I think I may have just played it a little too safe. I like my item and am proud of it, but I definitely don't think it's Superstar. Anyway, here it is. I'd be happy to answer any design questions you have, and I look forward to you all helping me to improve.

Orator’s Torc
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot neck; Price 8,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Each end of this otherwise smooth, metal torc culminates in a small sculpture of a human head, mouth open and facing the other as if in conversation. The orator’s torc enhances the wearer’s vocal prowess, including volume, power, and charm, particularly when in front of crowds. The torc grants the wearer a +1 competence bonus on bluff, diplomacy, intimidate, and perform (oratory) skill checks. This bonus increases by 1 for every 5 people beyond the first that the wearer is addressing (maximum +5). When the wearer uses diplomacy to shift his audience’s attitude, he can shift it up to three steps rather than the usual two.

In addition, the increased power and volume granted by the orator’s torc can elevate its wearer’s commanding presence on the battlefield. When utilizing a supernatural or extraordinary ability that requires the wearer’s allies to hear him and to be within a specified range (such as certain bardic performances or the cavalier’s tactician ability), that range is doubled for the duration of the effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle’s splendor, honeyed tongue; Cost 4,250 gp

[Randall Newnham]

Orb of Aggravation
Aura strong transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This Orb of Aggravation is a 3 inch sphere of dull iron, favored by rogues (many of whom refer to them as Orbs of Escape). It is activated by throwing it at an enemy, to whom it flies unerringly. It then bobs and weaves around the target, striking sensitive areas and occasionally sprouting a hook to pull down trousers or sword belts, or ejecting dust to inhibit eyesight. It performs the Dirty Trick combat maneuver that round and for each of the following four rounds. It attacks with a CMB of +15, randomly bestowing one of the following conditions (roll 1d6): 1-blinded, 2-dazzled, 3-deafened, 4-entangled, 5-shaken, or 6-sickened. Each effect lasts for one round plus one round for each 5 points the CMB roll exceeds the opponent's CMD, and each may be removed with a move action. The orb does not provoke attacks of opportunity, but may be attacked. It has an AC of 16, a hardness of 5 and 10 hit points. After the last attack roll, the Orb of Aggravation crumbles into dust.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Improved Dirty Trick, telekinesis ; Cost 250 gp

[goldomark]

Elixir of Last Will
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3th
Slot none; Price 150 gp; Weight –
Description
The next time the character who drank this grey liquid falls below 0 hit points and is still alive, he automatically stabilizes and stops losing hit points, unless he takes further damage. Whether the drinker stabilized or died, he also exhales an insubstantial sliver of his consciousness that can exercise a small influence on the world around him. In the round that comes after the one the drinker fell below 0 hit points, as an immediate action, the sliver of consciousness can decide to guide the action of one ally who is within 30 feet of the drinker’s body. This guidance gives either a +2 luck bonus to the next attack roll the ally makes, a +2 luck bonus to AC on the next attack made against that ally or a +2 luck bonus to the next skill check the ally makes. The action affected must be performed before the end of the round; if not, the bonus is lost and no other can be bestowed. The drinker decides which bonus will be granted and to which ally. No bonus can be given if the drinker regains consciousness or comes back to life before the action is performed.
The magic of the elixir of last will is potent until the drinker falls below 0 hit points or 24 hours have passed since it was ingested, whichever comes first. If 24 hours pass without the character falling below 0 hit points, the magic dissipates harmlessly. When multiple elixirs of last will are drunk, only the last one ingested is effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, guidance, stabilize; Cost 75 gp

I came up with this item when I read from previous years that Clark liked items that broke the rules. I thought what better rule to break than letting a player act a bit when dead or unconscious. This just lets a player use the aid another action when he is down, for the first round he is down. Simple and fun for the person who went down. I would reduce the duration to 1 hour after the elixir is drank. 24 hours is too long now and too useful. Originally I wanted the drinker to exhale a ghost like version of himself, but felt it was too cheesy. Now I wonder if it wouldn’t have made it more cinematic.

[VoodooHoodoo]

I was glad to make the 89, heck I was pleased not to be in the cull!

Shroud of Certain Return
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
[b]Slot none; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This silk burial shroud is decorated with an idealised image of a specific humanoid race.

If the shroud is draped over a target of reincarnation then the new incarnation formed is always the same as the race that is depicted on the shroud.

The shroud can even be used in conjunction with a witches forced reincarnation grand hex. However, since the shroud has to be draped over the target, they must either be willing or restrained.

After the shroud has been used the image changes to one that depicts the original appearance of the reincarnated creature. The shroud then becomes non-magical.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self; Cost 1,500 gp

[Herremann the Wise]

Tamago wrote:

First, let me say a quick "thank you" to all the judges and everyone who voted! I know this was a huge time commitment, and I appreciate your efforts!

Here's my item, the ** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **...

I think this item was perfect for the boundaries you set for it. Essentially I would not change a single thing - the item was masterfully conveyed. Unfortunately, those boundaries might not have included enough "crunch" or "stuff" to convince the judges that you were the designer they were looking to top 32. I would have loved them to have given you that chance though. Reading that you were in the top 20 or so on public vote is certainly deserved. As an item, the Candle of Distant Reassurance "feels" like it should be part of the game. I'm sure it will end up in a future Paizo product somewhere.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

[David H]

I'm going a bit odd and showing my original item as well as a revision that I think would have been a stronger candidate. In my case, I want to know if the revision is indeed better so I know I'm thinking in the right direction.

Original Findeladlara's Brush:

Findeladlara’s Brush
Aurafaint illusion; CL 5th
Slot slotless Price 3000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
Named after the elven goddess of art and architecture, this exquisitely crafted wyroot painting brush is inscribed with runes that translate to “the world is your canvas”.

Once per day, the artist may begin painting an object or creature onto any surface or into the air without the need for paints or inks. The artist may paint up to ten adjacent 10 cu. ft. of volume with his art. After 1 minute for every 10 cu. ft. volume painted and a successful DC 15 Craft (painting) or Profession (artist) check, the art takes shape and becomes a figment as if created by a Minor Image spell. However, the artist does not need to concentrate for the figment to stay active; the illusion exists for a time set by its creator with a maximum duration of 1 hour. The illusion may also move along a path as willed by the artist with a maximum range of ten adjacent 10-ft. cubes of area. Those interacting with the figment must make a DC 14 Will save to disbelieve the illusion.
The brush also counts as a masterwork tool for Craft (painting) or Profession (artist) checks.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Minor Image; Cost 1500 gp

Revised Findeladlara's Brush:

Findeladlara’s Brush
Aurafaint illusion; CL 5th
Slot slotless Price 5000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
Named after the elven goddess of art and architecture, this exquisitely crafted wyroot painting brush is inscribed with runes that translate to “the world is your canvas”.

Once per day, the artist may begin painting an object or creature onto any surface or into the air without the need for paints or inks. The artist may paint up to ten adjacent 10 cu. ft. of volume with his art as it springs forth from his imagination. This takes one minute for each 10 cu. ft drawn.

Once complete, the artwork takes shape and becomes a figment as if created by a Minor Image spell. However, the artist does not need to concentrate for the figment to stay active; it becomes a permanent illusion until either dispelled or the brush is used once again. Those interacting with the figment must make a DC 14 Will save to disbelieve that the artwork is not real.

The brush also counts as a masterwork tool for Craft (painting) or Profession (artist) checks.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Minor Image; Cost 2500 gp

Thanks in advance for any responses!
BPC

[Feros]

Ok, I'm going to post mine exactly as it was posted; and as such I have to tell you that it is called Hunter's Geas as I didn't put the name in! I should have hit the preview button, but didn't. Mistake number 1.

Aura moderate abjuration and divination; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 19,200 gp; Weight –
Description
This amulet is a circle of wrought iron shaped into knotwork with a small cup-shaped holder at the bottom of the central hole and held in place with a fine black leather strap. The bearer of a hunter's geas can declare an individual creature its target. Once this is selected it cannot be changed until the targeted creature is dead or in the bearer's custody. The bearer may discern the direction and distance to the targeted creature once per day. The bearer gains a +1 bonus to all saving throws against attacks made by the targeted creature. If more than one member of a group wears a hunter's geas linked to the same target creature the save bonus for each bearer rises by +1. If more than one bearer of a hunter's geas are adjacent to the targeted creature, each bearer of a linked amulet is considered to be flanking the creature regardless of actual position. If the bearer places a vial of blood or small piece of a creature of the same type and sub-type as the targeted individual—dragon, fey, humanoid (orc), etc.—in the small holder at the base of the amulet he gains a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made against the targeted creature. If the item is a former possession of the actual creature targeted or the blood of that individual this bonus increases to +2.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, locate creature, resistance; Cost 9,600 gp

[x93edwards]

Garter of Hidden Fortune Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th Slot none; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs. Description Notoriously difficult to find on a captured foe, this narrow band of heavy cloth has a small attached pouch (as a side pouch of a handy haversack, holding up to 2 cubic feet and up to 20 pounds) and is adorned with tiny gems, lace and ribbons arranged to display a cryptic message, words of wisdom, or 25% of the time, the command words. To access the magic of the garter, it must be worn on an appendage.

On command, both the garter and pouch begin to blink, become invisible and no longer detect as magical. Another command word or the wearer’s death ends these effects.

Even with a successful Perception check, anyone frisking the wearer only has a 50% chance to discover the garter. If discovered, the blinking and other effects end.

While not blinking, the garter has the following abilities:

As a swift action, the wearer can instantaneously rearrange the ribbons, gems and lace of the garter to create (or replace) a message of up to 25 words in one language the wearer knows.

To protect the garter from seizure or to provide an ally with a timely item or bit of fortune, as an immediate action, the wearer can direct the garter to teleport to an appendage of a willing creature within 100’ and in line of sight. If the garter has words the creature can read, the creature gains a +2 morale bonus to a single attack roll, skill check or saving throw that it makes before the end of its next turn. This ability may be used three times per day.

Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blink, heroism, magic aura, secret chest; Cost 1,500 gp

[David H]

Herremann the Wise wrote:

Tamago wrote:

First, let me say a quick "thank you" to all the judges and everyone who voted! I know this was a huge time commitment, and I appreciate your efforts!

Here's my item, the ** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **...

I think this item was perfect for the boundaries you set for it. Essentially I would not change a single thing - the item was masterfully conveyed. Unfortunately, those boundaries might not have included enough "crunch" or "stuff" to convince the judges that you were the designer they were looking to top 32. I would have loved them to have given you that chance though. Reading that you were in the top 20 or so on public vote is certainly deserved. As an item, the Candle of Distant Reassurance "feels" like it should be part of the game. I'm sure it will end up in a future Paizo product somewhere.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

I have to agree, this was a solid item and I upvoted it every time I came across it.

[Marie Small]

Ointment of Last Sight
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot –; Price 1500 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This thick, bluish ointment comes in a small metal disk etched with stylized eyes. Each disk contains enough ointment for one application.

As a standard action, the user rubs the ointment into both hands and on both eyelids. The user then touches or grasps any non-magical object or a corpse and concentrates for one minute.

If an object is handled in this manner, the user “sees” the last person to handle it and knows how it was used. In the case of a corpse, the user “sees” the means of death, whether disease, old age, accident, etc. In addition, the user “sees” the immediate environment as it was at the time of death. These visions are detailed enough the ointment’s user may cast other divination spells, such as legend lore, scrying, etc. as if the caster had access to secondhand information.

Once the knowledge is acquired, the ointment becomes useless and must be washed off before the user can apply another dose. No more information can be gleaned from the target object or corpse with additional uses of the ointment.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, clairaudience/clairvoyance; Cost 750 gp

To be accurate, I left “Item Name” in the bolded area, then typed “Ointment of Last Sight” (silly me). One of those bonehead maneuvers you shake your head at when you realize you did it.

This item, like last year’s Feather of Phoenix Ash was the best I had at the time I submitted. I was concerned this would be viewed as a means to sneak psionics into PF since the effect is similar to the ESP “ability” psychometry, although that wasn’t my intent and the effect is limited. While reviewing the items and voting, I realized it was mid-pack as far as inspiration and pizazz go.

What does everyone else think? What did I miss?

Thank you in advance. :)

[Jerry Keyes]

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Ghoulslayer Gloves

Your opening line was terrific; except for the word, "undead-slaying". This, for some reason, felt a little cartoony for me. Perhaps replacing this with just "positive"?

This entry suffered from a taper-off that was too drastic. If it were typed on a piece of paper, I would've turned it over to see if there was more. :)

In other words, you're a victim of the opening line. It's a fantastic build up, but the payoff is just okay... You zap undead baddies, very useful, but not much else. Perhaps a little more prose sprinkled near the end would've buoyed this a little higher on the charts?

However, any one of my Clerics would happily pick up a pair of these!

[Jacob Trier]

Tabard of Cunning Tactics
Aura moderate conjuration and divination; CL 9th
Slot body; Price 21,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Emblazoned with detailed scenes of armed conflict, this crimson tabard is designed to fit over armor. When worn in combat, the images seem to come alive and the figures within enact duels and skirmishes of their own.

When the wearer makes an attack or attempts a combat maneuver using Combat Expertise, he may forgo his own defensive bonus to AC in order to grant his allies a tactical advantage instead. He chooses one ally who is either adjacent to him or flanking with him. If the wearer’s attack or combat maneuver succeeds, the ally can then choose to gain a +2 circumstance bonus to either attack rolls or AC against that creature. The bonus lasts until the beginning of the wearer’s next turn. The wearer may affect one additional ally for every +1 AC bonus increase granted by Combat Expertise.

Once per day, if the wearer is hit by a melee attack while flanked, he may, as an immediate action, attempt to switch places with the enemy who is providing flanking for the attacker. The flanker must make a DC 17 Will save or switch places with the wearer via teleport. The flanker then becomes the target of the triggering attack. If the flanker cannot fit safely into the new space without squeezing, would be teleported into an occupied space or into a space he could not normally stand within, the effect fails. If the flanker takes up more than one square, the wearer chooses which square to arrive in.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, coordinated effort, hostile juxtaposition; Cost 10,500 gp

[Kyrand]

Good enough to make the Top 89, but not memorable enough to make any one's favorites lists... My guess is that it is solid, but not really cinematic or inspiring?

Chalice of Communal Dweomer
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 3,250 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This iron goblet is always slightly cool to the touch. Three times per day, the bearer may choose to enhance the effects of a potion poured into, then quickly drunk from, the goblet—a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The bearer and up to three willing allies within 30 feet gain the potion’s benefits as though they had consumed the potion themselves; however, the duration for each recipient (including the bearer) is half of the original effect. Potions that have a duration of instantaneous cannot be enhanced in this manner.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alchemical allocation, amplify elixir; Cost 1,625 gp

[Kiel Howell]

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

You had a very interesting concept here. I can see this being useful in Spy scenarios and RP heavy games. I feel like the pricing is right for the CL. Your template was clean with one exception, it would make it easier to read if there was a line break in between paragraphs.

"Rumored to be of erineyes origin." It's cool that you had this concept so nailed down that you thought this far into it. It doesn't translate that well to the page though, especially if someone isn't familiar with erineyes. It also suggests this item is famous in some circles, which may be the case, but that kind of ruins it's espionage value if it is famous.

This mask allows a humanoid to be Diplomacied to move their attitude by more than 2 steps. It also allows for them to understand you if they don't. That makes me want to see comprehend languages or some such in the Construction.

What about humanoid subtype? What about those who are polymorphed or disguised or something of that nature?

The secondary feature is...strange to me. So it ejects a fluid meant to suffocate someone, that dissolves after 10 minutes. So it is for assassination?

Overall, I liked this item and I up-voted it several times. You have some theming things to tighten up. You also need to be aware of how useful the item would be, in how many situations. Again, you're templating was good. I liked the thought that I see behind the item. It just doesn't quite make it up to Superstar though.

[N. Edward Lange]

Mine was the Vest of Mongrelkind

as submitted:

Vest of Mongrelkind
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot chest; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This sturdy vest is quilted from a wide variety of different fabrics and grants its wearer the benefits of a diverse racial heritage. Its wearer suffers no penalty to Disguise checks for impersonating another race, and gains a +5 competence bonus on Use Magic Device checks to emulate a race. The vest also allows the wearer to attempt such checks untrained.

After 24 hours of use, the Vest of Mongrelkind grants its wearer an additional racial trait. The wearer can choose any standard trait with a cost of 1 race point and does not need to meet its prerequisites but the trait must be available to humanoids and cannot require another trait as a prerequisite. Once the trait is selected it remains in effect as long as the vest is worn. The wearer can select a new trait by removing the vest and putting it back on, then waiting the 24 hours again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, polymorph; Cost 4,500 gp

as I meant to submit:

Vest of Mongrelkind
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot chest; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This sturdy vest is quilted from a wide variety of different fabrics and grants its wearer the benefits of a diverse racial heritage. Its wearer suffers no penalty to Disguise checks for impersonating another race, and gains a +5 competence bonus on Use Magic Device checks to emulate a race. The vest also allows the wearer to attempt such checks untrained.

After 24 hours of use, the Vest of Mongrelkind grants its wearer an additional racial trait. The wearer can choose one standard trait available to humanoids with a cost of 1 race point. Traits which require another trait as a prerequisite cannot be selected but all other prerequisites can be ignored. Once the trait is selected it remains in effect as long as the vest is worn. The wearer can select a new trait by removing the vest and putting it back on, then waiting the 24 hours again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, polymorph; Cost 4,500 gp

It’s only a small change but I think it makes the second paragraph slightly more clear.

I look forward to everyone’s (hopefully constructive) criticism!

edit: i know part of the value of this is that everyone can see the feedback and learn from it but if anyone has comments for me that have already been shared with someone else (and they don't want to overwhelm the thread) please feel free to PM me.

ps- this is an item, not a review... please critique me!

[James Raine]

First Light

Spoiler:

Aura strong evocation; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 45,000 gp; Weight —
Description
An effervescent, illuminating liquid of condensed, ancient light fills a small vial attached to a leather cord meant to be worn around the neck.

Wearing first light increases the ambient light around the wearer, empowers light magics, and reflexively defends the wearer.

First light sheds light like a torch.

Ambient light (magical or otherwise, and including the light created by a first light) within 60' of the wearer is increased one step (from normal to bright, from dim to normal, etc.) to a maximum of bright light. Creatures that are harmed by sunlight are accordingly harmed by bright light amplified by first light.

Any spell with the Light descriptor cast within 60' of the wearer is cast at +1 caster level. Any spell with the Darkness descriptor cast within 60' of the wearer is cast at -1 caster level.

The wearer may, as an immediate action after being attacked (whether successfully or unsuccessfully), attempt to blind the attacker by willing the vial of first light to surge in brightness. The attacker must make a DC 22 Reflex save or be dazzled for one minute. If the attacker fails the Reflex save, they must make a DC 22 Fortitude save or be blinded for 1d3 rounds. A successful save in either case negates the effect. This ability can only be used once every 1d4 rounds as the item must recharge between uses. During this recharge time, a vial of first light loses all its other properties (including shedding light).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, sunburst, access to the Light domain; Cost 22,500 gp

Reviews for items posted before this in my next post.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I guess I’m mostly going through and doing free form thoughts as I go. I’m happy to answer follow-up questions, of course. These are just my personal thoughts.

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil:

I don’t think I saw this item in my voting.

I’m not crazy about the name -- a silver-tongued devil doesn’t tell me WHAT the item is. It does make me assume I’m going to get some sort of charm item. Which I don’t think it really delivers.

That said, I quite like the choice of a masquerade mask (I think masks are a woefully under-represented wondrous item), though the “rumored” part was kind of a turnoff. I often try to think of my character making these items, in which case they’ll know whether something is from an Erinyes or not. You also had words to spare here on more description.

In your core power, Diplomacy (or any other skill) should be capitalized). I like the basic power, though I don’t know if it’s Superstar. (I also think you might want tongues or comprehend languages in your requirements.)

Your second power, though, felt really divorced from the first to me and an odd match, which is probably my biggest objection to it. The basic idea of that power isn’t bad – though I think could maybe use some tweaking on mechanics. If you’re grappling someone, aren’t you by definition already touching them? I think I’d have made that a combat maneuver to force it down an opponent’s throat. I do like your word choice – viscous and occluding – though I wonder if that might’ve thrown some people?

Pricing seems a touch low to me (just being able to do Diplomacy with anyone is a fairly strong ability) but not unreasonable, though I’m not doing calculations per the item creations rules, just going with my gut feeling.

[Template Fu]

Duskrunner1 wrote:

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

Lemme at him, *slaver*

Lemme at him!

Master pounces with net, the ensuring battle is fierce and the blood stains will never fully fade. Whilst holding the spitting fur ball that is a rampant point eating devil, he turns to you...

"If you want valid feedback, you should post here as submitted, include all the same formatting. We can't point out things you may have missed or erred in if we can't see them."

Both combatants tumble through the wall in a cloud of screeching debris, claws and pain.

[Jerett Schaufele]

Jacob Trier wrote:

Tabard of Cunning Tactics

This is really good and well written item. It never came up for during the voting however. Excellent formatting and readability.

Sorry Jacob. I have no criticism to offer on this one.

[Duskrunner1]

Template Fu wrote:

Duskrunner1 wrote:

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

Lemme at him, *slaver*

Lemme at him!

Master pounces with net, the ensuring battle is fierce and the blood stains will never fully fade. Whilst holding the spitting fur ball that is a rampant point eating devil, he turns to you...

"If you want valid feedback, you should post here as submitted, include all the same formatting. We can't point out things you may have missed or erred in if we can't see them."

Both combatants tumble through the wall in a cloud of screeching debris, claws and pain.

Grin..

Ok I'll do it when I have the available time to do so. At "work" currently. However the submitted format was in the correct and expected state when submitted.

[Jerry Keyes]

verdigris wrote:

Porcine Pendant

You had a tiny mistake in your template:

faint illusion, faint transmutation

Should be:

faint illusion and transmutation

"Faint" describes the caster level, so you never need to put it twice. I only used template mistakes as tie breakers.

Also, your opening line is a little clunky. This is the only place that I found your writing a little difficult to read. But, of course, starting out at a deficit is never a good thing in such a tight competition.

I suspect your entry may have been a little too whimsical. It's cute, and so many players now-a-days want to be "hard". I like to have humor sprinkled into my campaigns, so the porcine pendant would not be out of place in my games.

(Maybe if, after being cute and charming, it turned into a wild boar and attacked every pleasantly smiling creature around it; you might've found more hardcore fans?)

[Jacob Kellogg]

Jerry Keyes wrote:

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Ghoulslayer Gloves

Spoiler:

Your opening line was terrific; except for the word, "undead-slaying". This, for some reason, felt a little cartoony for me. Perhaps replacing this with just "positive"?

This entry suffered from a taper-off that was too drastic. If it were typed on a piece of paper, I would've turned it over to see if there was more. :)

In other words, you're a victim of the opening line. It's a fantastic build up, but the payoff is just okay... You zap undead baddies, very useful, but not much else. Perhaps a little more prose sprinkled near the end would've buoyed this a little higher on the charts?

However, any one of my Clerics would happily pick up a pair of these!

Thanks!:

If I'd said 'positive', then I'm saying my item converts healing magic into positive energy. But cure spells already ARE positive energy, so I figured I'd get downvoted for "LERN TEH RULZ NOOB" and so I deliberately used non-game-terms in that line. Oh well.

For the rest, totally agree. Thanks again!

[Scintillae]

Well, here's the offering of a first-timer.

Shadow Sentry
Aura faint varied; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 14,400 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This curious smoke-colored disk bears the etching of a ghost rising from a cloud. It is most often placed beside a campfire or doorway before use.

Activated by a spoken command, this item creates an invisible tripwire in a 20 foot radius once per day. When the perimeter is crossed, the trespasser is surrounded in pitch darkness extending 20 feet in all directions. His senses are additionally plagued by the sounds of illusory hunters unless he can make a DC12 Will save. The owner of the item is given a brief mental signal. This ward lasts for eight hours or until deactivated.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alarm, darkness, ghost sound; Cost 7,200 gp

Self-crit-

Spoiler:

I'm pretty sure I mucked up the pricing at the very least. On reflection, this probably falls under spell-in-a-can and camping item as well.

I'm not surprised I didn't make it in - I haven't even been gaming a year, and I'm honestly surprised I passed both culls. I am very much looking to improve for the future...and hopefully by next contest, I'll actually have the mechanics down.

[David H]

Jerry Keyes wrote:

Hi fellow contestants and judges!

Here’s my entry. Please tell me how the ethos swarm charm fell short in your eyes, and really be honest. I’m serious about writing and need to understand where I went wrong. Don’t hold back, you won’t hurt my feelings. If someone already mentioned the thing that bugged (no pun intended) you, then feel free to “+1” their comments so I can see how many people hated the same thing(s).

Thanks for taking the time.

Ethos Swarm Charm

*snip for readability*

Think the biggest issue I had with this item was that it was roughly a bit too complex in preparation for the judges as well as the player even. The idea itself is cool, and turning yourself into a swarm has good tactical and logistical advantages. But having to navigate through all the text for the various types (even with HTML links) seems a bit much. Perhaps just having a good/evil/neutral set instead of the nine variations.

There's also the unwritten rule (or maybe posted somewhere I can't remember) of when referencing a book that you should also include the page number (ex. snake swarm (Bestiary 3 249). I can see why you would not have done that since you did add the hyperlinks, but I think that's the appropriate format.

The only other gripe was the wording of the more powerful single-use mode. I like that idea, too, but I think the imagery could be better (either say smashing on the floor or breaking it on your or the target's body) to turn the person into a stronger swarm.

Again, overall you had a good idea, and you did put quite a bit of thought (trying to find a good warm to make a feel for each alignment), but several little things that dragged it down.

[Jacob Trier]

Duskrunner1 wrote:

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

Fair enough...I didn't bother voting for most of the items with bad formatting this time around.

Edit: Ok, I see that at least you didn't submit what you posted here. But there is something to be said for sticking to proper format while doing your draft too. That way, you are much less likely to make mistakes.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Tempest Regalia
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot body; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
Crafted from a blend of gray and white silks reminiscent of stormy skies, this finely tailored courtier's outfit comes adorned with exquisite silver jewelry—worth 50 gp—featuring an indentation designed to hold a single ioun stone. The outfit grants a +2 circumstance bonus when making Charisma–based skill checks to influence creatures with the air subtype and increases the wearer's caster level for all spells with the air descriptor by +1.

Once per day, as a standard action, the wearer can cocoon themselves in a windstorm (Core Rulebook p. 439) which fills their entire space. The windstorm causes the wearer's size to count as one size larger (the wearer's size doesn't actually increase) for bull rush and overrun combat maneuvers when determining CMB, CMD, and effects dependent on size. The windstorm causes the wearer's space to count as difficult terrain and increases the DC by 5 for all Acrobatics skill checks to move though the space. The duration of the windstorm lasts for 1 minute, but can be dismissed a standard action.

Inserting an ioun stone (except dull gray stones) into the jewelry's indentation grants the normal benefit of the stone and augments the power of the tempest regalia. An inferior ioun stone (Seeker of Secrets p.46) allows for one additional usage of the windstorm ability per day and a normal ioun stone allows for two additional uses per day. Swapping ioun stones doesn't allow for additional uses per day. Additionally, when the wearer creates electricity, the electricity's color is changed to match the color of the ioun stone.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, adoration, wind wall; Cost 6,000 gp

[Nazard]

Tablet of Heretical Lore
Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 8,000 gp; Weight —

Description
Consisting of a scrap of parchment mounted onto a simple rectangular frame of rosewood, this hand-sized tablet has a hole in the top for a chain, and smells vaguely of fine incense. The tablet allows a spellcaster with the domain class ability to prepare a single spell from a domain she does not possess in lieu of one of the domain spells from which she can choose normally.

To imprint a spell on the tablet, it must be cast by a different spellcaster who possesses it as a domain spell. After purifying the tablet, which takes one hour and consumes incense worth 100 gp times the level of the spell times the minimum necessary caster level, the other spellcaster casts the spell as a domain spell. Writing similar to that of a scroll appears on the parchment (though the tablet may not be used as a scroll).

The tablet’s user can now, during her normal spell-preparation time, choose to prepare the inscribed spell in place of a regular domain spell of the same level. It takes an extra-rigorous prayer routine, lasting one hour, to prepare this spell, in addition to her normal preparation time.

The tablet does not allow the user to prepare a spell with an alignment descriptor directly opposite her own alignment, or that of her deity. Preparing the spell on the tablet does not erase it; the user can prepare the same spell each day. If the user so desires, she can repeat the original purification ceremony to imprint a new spell on the tablet, which replaces the previous one.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability; Cost 4,000 gp

[Steven Helt]

Chelish Silver-tongued Devil

Alway capitalize references to skills when addressing mechanics: People make Bluff and Diplomacy checks during acts of Diplomacy. Other than that formatting is good.

I think the items suffers from strange design choices. Why web? Why 4k for a potential 3-round kill? Why isn't suffocation or comprehend languages a requirement?

The idea of a mask that turns a compelling devil-worshipper into a murderous devil is cool. I could see courtesans getting a signature and then sealing the deal with a kiss. I think the execution and rules fu might have cost you with voters. I don't recall seeing it in voting. I can tell you I'd have voted for it over pretty much any pre-cull item, but I would have preferred tighter design all around.

[Herremann the Wise]

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Here goes. I quite liked my item, but obviously was the only one, since no one's mentioned it yet at all (other than Eric's Big List o' Items).

I sympathize with you completely here. I thought my one was ticking every box I could think of... but obviously not as it has failed to receive one single piece of comment.

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

I'm guessing the time theme threw some people (I knew it could be risky, though I thought it was really more fluff for something dealing with initiative) and maybe the mechanics were a bit confusing?

Time's Tide Pendant...

I really like the concept; the problem you are attempting to solve. You nailed the description of the item - very impressive indeed. The first ability is a little wonky and I'm feeling it would be cool if it could be connected to the second ability in some way. The overall mechanics (basing it on initiative order), might not have been a premium choice. I'm not too sure though which direction to go. Perhaps forcing a target to delay while allowing at the same time another target to act at that point instead might have been interesting but then you have to be careful working around the multiple actions in one round thing (which is kind of clunky). [And perhaps not worrying about this might have been OK?] I think you made a good effort at this with the mechanics you did come up with but working with the initiative mechanics smoothly and clearly seems difficult to do. Definite props for giving it a go; this was certainly one of the better items in terms of concept, if not quite the solution it tried to provide.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

[Kiel Howell]

Gentleman's Ensnaring Cane

This item was fun to read, and I up-voted it often. I down-voted it quite often as well. You have some great ideas but they seem contradictory at times. For example, "Typically accompanied by the imp’s energetic protests and gesticulations, the holder finds a gentleman’s ensnaring cane clammy to touch, surprisingly weighty to heft, and slick to hold." Why does the imp's gesticulations and protests make it clammy? Why does it make it slick? I can understand it being hard to hold because the imp is gesticulating...but clammy or slick?

You mention the creatures being ensnared, which I like. Fine threads of force are cool. Gargantuan size? Really?? Something Gargantuan should take up all of the cane's threads of force, not allow 3 other gargantuan creatures to be ensared!

Also, at the time you encounter Gargantuan sized creatures and can afford this thing...a DC 20 reflex save almost guarantees this will never be successful. At CR9 a Tyrannosaurus has a Reflex bonus of +12. A Crag Linnorm at CR14 has Reflex bonus +15.

A free action before each creature's turn...hmm...That means that potentially 4 times a round the cane bearer will be interrupting combat. I would have liked this better if only once can the wielder of the cane reposition ALL those ensnared. You also nullify movement attempts, which isn't exactly game terminology, but is also a little Over Powered. This thing's abilities are starting to creep on the power.

The cane can only be activated if the imp is unabsorbed, and it gets absorbed the start of the cane holder's next turn after activation. Cool, you've built in some anti-abusement rules! Right on there.

The imp regenerates at midnight, regardless. So it could regenerate in the middle of combat (middle of the night combat). This could nullify some combats.

Overall, it was not an item that I would have wanted to see in the Top 32. I liked it a lot, and I liked the creativity behind it. You need to carefully consider the repercussions of each ability, and maybe reign in those abilities as well. The writing did not flow perfectly, but we could all use practice in that department.

[Frank Ward]

Nethian Scroll Tube
Aura moderate abjuration and divination; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 11,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Constructed from polished ivory and blackened bone this scroll tube enhances and/or destroys any scroll placed into it. The words of the scroll appear on the tube allowing it to be read.

Three times per day the scroll may be heightened to that of a 5th level spell as if by the Heighten Spell feat.

A wizard, magus or alchemist may automatically scribe any arcane spell into her spellbook or formula book, even if from a divine scroll. The inscriber must still pay the full cost (if any) for inks and materials but no Spellcraft roll is needed

Finally, any spellcaster may use the scroll tube to cast a spell on the scroll regardless of it being divine or arcane, provided the spell appears on both arcane and divine spell lists.

Casting a spell with the scroll tube disintegrates that portion of the scroll into white ash. If the user is not a worshipper of Nethys, any remaining spells will disintegrate into black ash. Black ash may be used to create an ink to scribe spells into spellbooks. The value of this ink is equal to the resell value of the destroyed spells on the scroll.

Placing a scroll into the tube is a move action while emptying the tube is a free action or a standard action if you wish to collect the ash and have an appropriate container in hand. In any case, once a scroll has been placed into the scroll tube it must be used (or removed) before sunrise or it will disintegrate into black ash.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, dispel magic, read magic, must be a worshiper of Nethys; Cost 5500 gp.

[CouncilofFools]

theheadkase wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

You had a very interesting concept here. I can see this being useful in Spy scenarios and RP heavy games...

Overall, I liked this item and I up-voted it several times... It just doesn't quite make it up to Superstar though.

Thank you, Jerry Keyes and TheHeadCase.

Jerry, you are right in that it seemed a disconnect. I was going to design the item visually different to cover the mouth playing on silver-tongued and have a different effect than the "kiss attack". It was going to have a way to control someone else's summoned creature. The problem was that thanks to a spell in UM, it would have been a SIAC. Could the item have overcome that, I'll never know.

TheHeadCase, it was never meant to allow someone to comprehend languages. Diplomacy requires a person to understand what you are saying before their attitude can be adjusted. The item was supposed to overcome that drawback buying the wearer time. Kind of when a person speaks french to someone of the opposite sex. It makes the heart run and you feel drawn to the person. I didn't get that across. The other things you bring up make brilliant sense.

You two were awesome. I wish I could break things down as well as you two. I look forward to other input.