Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Cloak of Duality
Aura strong transmutation; CL 15th
Slot shoulders; Price 84,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The black and white cross stitching of this garment blends into a solid grey. On command, the cloak splits the wearer’s body into two near identical counterparts, except that one wears a black cloak and the other a white cloak. The counterparts appear in spaces adjacent to the wearer’s previous location. Each counterpart has a number of hit points equal to half the wearer’s hit points at the time the command was given, and can have up to half the wearer’s maximum hit point total. Each turn, a counterpart can take a move action and a swift action. Only one of the counterparts can take a standard action each turn unless the black cloaked counterpart uses her standard action to attempt to deal hit point damage or impose a penalty, and the white cloaked counterpart uses her standard action attempting to restore hit points or grant an ally a numeric bonus. Each counterpart can use the aid another action as a swift action when aiding the other counterpart.
The wearer can use a cloak of duality 15 rounds per day. These rounds need not be consecutive, but must be spent in 1 round increments. To end the effects of the cloak of duality, both counterparts must be adjacent and another command must be given. The wearer’s body reunifies in a space adjacent to the counterparts’ previous locations with hit points equal to the current hit points of each counterpart.
If the duration ends and the counterparts are not adjacent, or one of the counterparts dies, the wearer immediately replaces a random counterparts, and is staggered for 1d4 rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, clone, haste; Cost 42,000 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Jerett Schaufele wrote:
Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

Format: Don't capitalize magic item names within the description.

Mechanics: I did not understand the following line " however, any environmental conditions that would otherwise impair the affected senses (from the perspective of the imprinted fabric)". Is the target affected if the handkerchief is inside an environmental condition? "Condition" should be replaced with hazard.

Inspired by Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6

Anthony Adam wrote:
ciretose wrote:
Is there a way to access your item on the site if you didn't keep a copy on your computer?
You pleading ask the kind paizo web people if they can find and post it for you - it might cost a beer or unscrupulous acts not mentionable in polite forums depending on their mood though.

More if I could find it myself. Not that I wouldn't provide beer, but the cross-coast shipping isn't nearly worth it.

Scarab Sages Star Voter Season 6

Obi of the Ghoul Hunter
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 11th
Slot belt; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This tasseled belt is made from vibrant silks, shifting in color from dark greens to deep ocean blues. In the presence of undead, the belt glows pale white, and it's two tassels animate like snakes to aid the wearer in unarmed combat.

Whenever the wearer is stunned, paralyzed, held, or otherwise incapacitated, the belt can continue to fight by itself. The belt can be mentally commanded to make a single attack, or a flurry of blows, using the wearers unarmed damage as a monk of his level, although the belt uses the unarmed damage table of a small sized monk instead.

Once per day, as a swift action, the belt can grant the disruption weapon effect to either the users unarmed strikes, or strikes made by the belt itself. This effect lasts for 1 turn.

If the wearer has levels in monk, her AC and unarmed damage is treated as 1 level higher. If this belt is worn with a Monk's Robe these bonuses stack. If the character is not a monk, she gains the unarmed damage of a 1st-Level monk. Though intended to combat undead, the belt will attack other creatures upon command as well.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope or animate objects, heal; Cost 2,500 gp

I'd be happy to hear tips from anyone on why they didn;t vote for it, or any other recommendations. Thanks.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Tamago wrote:

Candle of Distant Assurance

I liked this item, and other than a small typo, it was easy to read and understand.

THE TYPO:
This connection can be maintained over any distance, but if the creature is ever on a different plane than the candle for more [than] one round, the candle will go out just as though he had died.

The biggest problem is that it didn't have a whole lot of "game time". NPC's might use this all day, every day. But my players are only going to use this when I set it up as a plot device (e.g. "The candle went out, go find out why.").

Keep up the great writing, and the creativity. Just target an item with more oomph next time.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Locke1520

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Time's Tide Pendant

Two things come to mind.

As I was reading this my first thought was: "delaying to the end of the round to go first? That already ... oh wait ... you go twice in a row!"
I think this part of the mechanics could have been clearer and much more succinct.

Then I see a mechanical problem. What if you are last in the initiative? Do you delay and lose an action --or-- do you just activate it and jump to the head of the next initiative without a time cost?

All in all I still like this item in concept but a little fine polish would have helped a bit more.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Siegebreaker Cymbals

The name has a lot to live up to! Great, great, great name (great name!). Unfortunately, the item's function doesn't quite match or live up to the name.

I really like what the item did. I think it was creative to swap the DR to the other cymbals metal. I like the descriptive text. You're template seems good. It is a little bit wordy, but you had a complex idea and a lot of cases to cover.

The cymbals don't break down walls?!>?!?!? Seriously, this was the biggest detractor to me. I was almost enraged that it didn't break down walls like a siege cannon! But, that's because the name is so good you want the item to be related to that bit of coolness.

The DC is a cool idea, but bad rolls on the Perform check could make it too easy or too hard. I'd prefer something static with a + corresponding to the weapon's + enhancement.

You say the weapons inside the vibration field no longer automatically overcome DR...sweet. But how do they? Do they just always not overcome? Do they follow the DC of the perform check roll?

One last comment, I don't know if you ever played Super Mario RPG...but this made me think of Mallow.

Overall, you seriously have a talent for naming. Keep that! Naming is one of the hardest things to do. You just need to work on making sure the function matches the name and the awesomeness of that name. A little more rules-fu as well.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

theheadkase wrote:
Intellectual's Clay Pipe

Template: Fox's Cunning should have been fox's cunning.

CL: should have been 3rd, to represent the level of caster needed, not the spell's level.
Impression: I thought this was a very boring item. Just a bonus to skills.

Star Voter Season 6

James Raine wrote:
...

Ummm... Thanks, James. As a a roleplayer who enjoys acting, I know where you are coming from. As a roleplayer who has played with many different players, not all of them able to articulate well due to varying circumstances (physical/mental/emotional/social), the rules allow them freedom to enjoy many different characters and thus dreams. But, again, I understand your dislike for this particular rule.

Thanks for enjoying the other part.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Jerett Schaufele wrote:
Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

Format: Don't capitalize magic item names within the description.

Mechanics: I did not understand the following line " however, any environmental conditions that would otherwise impair the affected senses (from the perspective of the imprinted fabric)". Is the target affected if the handkerchief is inside an environmental condition? "Condition" should be replaced with hazard.

Inspired by Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Actually it was inspired when I though to myself how I would like to wipe a smug grin off of a certain person's face who was annoying me, but who knows, maybe it was buried deep down in my noggin somewhere. I have very little recollection of that movie.

Thanks Thomas.

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

CouncilofFools wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

This was one of my favorite items this year. I voted it up every time I saw it. Different strokes I guess. Thanks for creating it. It will get much use and love in my home game.


Firstly, my thanks to the gentlebeings both kind and dedicated enough to take time out of their lives to pass along their thoughts on our items. Now, on to the dissection!

Bowstring of Additional Might
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 1,000 gp (+1), 4,000 gp (+2), 9,000 gp (+3), 16,000 gp (+4), 25,000 gp (+5); Weight
Description
This supple black cord replaces the existing bowstring of any magical composite bow. Once in place, the bowstring applies an additional strength rating to the bow, ranging from +1 to +5. This allows the bow's wielder to apply a Strength modifier greater than that of the bow's original crafting. Should the wielder's Strength bonus be less than the new strength rating of the bow, the wielder can no longer use it effectively and suffers a -2 penalty to attacks made with the weapon.

On a roll of a natural 1, there is a 5% chance that the bowstring snaps, rendering the string unusable until it is mended by a caster of equal or higher level than the item's creator.
Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, bull's strength, crafter's caster level must be at least three times the bowstring's bonus, crafter must be proficient with a composite longbow or composite shortbow; Cost 500 gp (+1), 2,000 gp (+2), 4,500 gp (+3), 8,000 gp (+4), 12,500 gp (+5)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Correlon wrote:
Wings, Resplendent Battle

When you mentioned you did wings in a different thread and I was excited to see them. Sadly, these were not the wings I was looking for.

Cost: Much too low the potential number of creatures affected and the range of abilities to choose from.
Impression: SAK! The abilities granted did not seem very thematic. "often by shouting", but what are the other ways of activating? I really disliked the granting charging ability.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Duskrunner1 wrote:

Fiddle of the Dance

This item was difficult for me. The effects that were granted I really liked, but the mental image of all the characters prancing around was too silly. Maybe if it was drums and marching? I really don't know what could've saved this -- but if it was skinned differently it probably would've gone further.

You also had the misfortune of falling in with a lot of "true function is revealed" items. Sometimes it's just rotten luck that stops you from advancing.

I hope you try again next year.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Amulet of the Grasping Soul

First of all, you've got a good seed of an idea. Allowing incorporeal's to do things with corporeal objects is kind of neat.

Template issues. Others will have mentioned this so I won't beat a dead (incorporeal) horse.

Run-on sentences.

The fact that not many PC's are incorporeal for long kind of hinders this item's usefulness. Ghost Touch is not an 80k property to add to a weapon.

Along with the run-on sentences, you need some paragraph breaks and a little more detail in the descriptive flavor.

Overall, don't despair! You've got definite potential in the ideas department, which can be very hard. You need to work on writing and making sure the item is useful to PC's AND NPC's.

Sovereign Court Star Voter Season 6

To Template Fu and Jacob Trier, the proper format as requested. I did my draft in Word, and as such was using the formatting there in case I wanted to print the item out. Since I only intended the submission to take place for the contest itself there was no need to have the bulletin codes in place. Also thought I could edit my post like other boards. Just found out I cannot. I of course appreciate any feedback from you gentlefolk.

Name: Fiddle of the Dance
Aura: moderate transmutation
CL: 6th
Slot: none
Price: 16800 gp
Weight: 3 lbs.
Description
Of elven make, this elegant white oak fiddle is carved with knot work inlaid with silver. When played by a person who succeeds on a DC 15 Perform (string instruments) check each round, the fiddle emits a whimsical melody. All allies must be within 30 feet and able to hear the tune. Those affected start to dance, receiving a five foot step as an extra swift action at the end of the round. This effect continues as long as the player continues the song.
In the hands of a Bard however the true function is revealed. While the fiddle is being played all allies able to hear the bard’s performance start to dance, and as such can move half their movement rate across a wall or ceiling. This effect also allows those to dance across slippery surfaces. Once the playing song stops, or is interrupted, the effect ends. Those under the effects of the melody cannot do any other action but move, otherwise doing so ends the effects of the dance. The fiddle can be used this way twice a day, each time for only two minutes.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, spider climb, haste
Cost: 8400 gp

James Raine wrote:
Fiddle of the Dance: Items that only function for people of a particular class don't make logical sense for me. As a call-center representative, I am just as capable of using, say, a forklift as the dude in the warehouse: he just knows how to use it better and more effectively than I. That doesn't mean, however, that I can't do the same things with it he can.

I see your point of view, and thank you for your opinion. It is appreciated. Instead of having the Fiddle work differently for a Bard I should have either increased the DC check, or took the bard aspect out altogether. My thoughts were that a musical instrument in the hands of someone with Bardic Performance should act differently. Just as you are a Call-Center Rep that uses a computer on a daily basis, I am a computer programmer that also uses a computer, but on a different scale.

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Duskrunner1 wrote:

Name: Fiddle of the Dance

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

You didn't format it correctly the first time around either. I voted against this item every single time, since you blatantly disregarded the provided template.

MechanicsAdding additional actions is a good way to mess up certain restrictions place upon abilities to prevent them from being overpowered. I abhor items with skill checks to use.
Cost Adding 5 ft steps without restrictions made the cost too low.

Thank you for your opinion Thomas. I must correct you however. The format that I submitted WAS in the correct format. I checked three times prior to submission. I didn't blatantly disregard the template as it was stated over and over again that it was an important part in judging. I just didn't do so in this thread as I was much more interested in the content of my submission rather than the formatting.

The original thought behind the extra step was to assist in getting through areas of threat, while denying any attacks of opportunity, since it would occur at the end of the round. As a extra swift action, it really wouldn't screw up anything.

There was a restriction to adding the 5 ft step, it was the skill check.

You must really hate all musical items then as you can't play them without the check. I understand however that you really hated the item, hopefully the next time around I can pleasantly surprise you.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

1 person marked this as a favorite.

@Thomas

Dang! I thought it was weird to be 2nd level...how did I overlook CASTER level?!?!? Der me on that one.

I realized much too late that I should have led with the Untrained Knowledge check part first, then the +5. Live and learn.

Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

James Raine wrote:
Garter of Hidden Fortune: For an extra thousand gold (the price of a longsword +1), I get to blink and become invisible, at-will, as well as have a self-rescuing handy haversack? I think you underpriced this by a fair amount.

James, thanks for taking the time to review my item. I'm afraid my lack of clarity and language probably doomed me from the start. The intention was that the garter and the pouch (not the user) blink and become invisible.

I wonder how many people read it the way you did with the one minute speed reading. Shows you that simplicity beats complexity all the time :)

Even if someone read it correctly I was afraid it was still underpriced.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Time's Tide Pendant

Impression: I thought this was a well conceived item, but I don't like initiative items much. The ability to be the last in the first round and then act first from that point forward is very metagamey for me. All the abilities seemed that way to me.

Sovereign Court Star Voter Season 6

Jerry Keyes wrote:
Duskrunner1 wrote:

Fiddle of the Dance

This item was difficult for me. The effects that were granted I really liked, but the mental image of all the characters prancing around was too silly. Maybe if it was drums and marching? I really don't know what could've saved this -- but if it was skinned differently it probably would've gone further.

You also had the misfortune of falling in with a lot of "true function is revealed" items. Sometimes it's just rotten luck that stops you from advancing.

I hope you try again next year.

Thank you Jerry. I was listening to "The Kiss" from The Last of the Mohicans Soundtrack when I wrote it up. The overall thought was that music itself tends to get you to move, thus...

Yes I do agree there there were a good number of "the true functions". Something to remember next time. That and to stick with one function.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Joseph Wilson wrote:
Orator’s Torc

Impression: I really liked this item, but it was a little boring with just skill bonuses and the doubling vocal ranges. The bonus for more of an audience was pretty cool and caught my eye. Great item for a rulebook, but not very Superstar.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

My item:

Motive Capacitor
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
An assemblage of dials and tubes cradles a sealed glass vial, which terminates in a thin needle protruding from the device’s back. When charged, this vial brims with pale blue liquid called motive, of which a motive capacitor can hold five charges at once. Affixing the capacitor to a living creature requires a melee touch attack, while affixing it to a corpse requires a standard action, after which it immediately activates.

If the target is alive, the capacitor injects its entire store of motive at once, granting bonuses for each charge, less one for each 5HD the target has. For each charge the target gains 5 temporary hit points, a +1 motive bonus on attacks, saves and skills, and the creature is treated as one level higher for the purpose of level-dependent variables. This effect fades at a rate of one charge each round.

If the target is an intact corpse they instead are animated as if they had never died, for one round per charge, less one for each 5 HD the target has. The target is treated as friendly towards the creature that activated the capacitor, but is otherwise under no compulsion to obey them. At the end of the effect the target immediately dies, regardless of their condition.

If affixed to an intelligent, living creature while empty, the capacitor attempts to drain its motive and forces it to make a DC 16 Fortitude save each round or gain one negative level. For each negative level so bestowed, the capacitor gains one charge, until full.

A motive capacitor can be removed as a move action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate dead, enervation, vampiric touch; Cost 20,000 gp

Time to get reviewing. :)

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

Spellvoid Mantle
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 77,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.
Description
This heavy cloak is woven through with strands of noqual and other exotic skymetals, allowing the wearer to interfere with nearby magical energies. The wearer gains spell resistance 15 and any creature adjacent to the wearer who wants to cast a spell must make a concentration check with a DC of 15+twice the level of the spell cast or lose the spell. Once per day as a swift action, the wearer may extend this aura out to thirty feet for one round. Additionally, three times per day, as a standard action which provokes attacks of opportunity, the wearer can offensively interfere with the magical abilities of an enemy within 30 feet, rendering the foe unable to activate spell-like or supernatural abilities for 1d4 rounds; continuous spell-like and supernatural abilities of the target are suppressed as well (a DC 17 Will save negates this effect).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, curse of magic negation; Cost 38,500 gp

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Candle of Distant Assurance

This was a neat little item that I very much enjoyed. It basically let you know if someone was still alive or on the same plane. Neat.

Having said that, I cannot imagine when this would ever be used by a PC or by a BBEG. Sure, BBEG's might be interested to know if their Guardian is still alive, but they'd have other means already. I could see an NPC having this for flavor, but it just doesn't fit with PC's.

I really like that you take the time to mention that extinguishing the candle has no affect on the bound creature. Maybe that would have made it Superstar if it did. Along with some sort of save and a sensation to the bound creature of impending doom or doom averted.

I also really like that the candle goes out if the bound creature is on a different plane than the candle. Therefore if the candle is on the Ethereal Plane and the creature is as well, it will still burn.

Overall, it's a neat little NPC and non-BBEG item. I would expect this item to be mentioned by an NPC that is offering a sub-quest plot hook. "Little Johnny's candle is out...is he dead? Please find out." kind of thing. I would recommend you take your abilities in writing and thinking ahead about possible repercussions and apply to an idea that is more useful to the PC's as well as the NPC's. The voting public will be looking for that.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Locke1520

Mark Aaron wrote:
Bowstring of Additional Might

I liked the concept behind this item but there are a few thins that I would have liked to have seen handled differently.

  • I would have like this item better if it worked on any composite bow not just magical ones.
  • I'm not a fan of the string breaking line it's too infrequent an occurrence (a .0025% chance I believe) to have any real meaning as a flaw for cost reduction and it's just a nuisance when it does occur then.
  • for something that doesn't really add a magical bonus that couldn't be purchased much cheaper mundanely when the bow was created the magical cost seems very high. I think I understand why but it's jarring.

    If I were going to make a similar item it would in some way increase the wielders effective strength bonus for drawing the bow negating the penalty to hit and perhaps allowing the wielder to capitalize on at least their own strength bonus to damage.

  • RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

    Fiddle of the Dance

    I liked that the item did exactly what it's name implies. I especially liked the imagery caused by the "dances across the ceiling" bit. Made me think of Fred Astaire.

    Template's already been brought up, so I won't comment on it other than to say I can't critique it if it's not the same as what was submitted.

    Your first sentence...I like that it is elven made, I don't like starting a sentence with "Of". Maybe that's a relic of an English class I had, but it just jars me.

    Anyone can play this with a DC 15 perform check...is that allowed untrained? I'm just asking, since I'm not overly familiar with the Perform check rules.

    "True Function"...yeah you know the thoughts on this already.

    I like the 2nd 5-foot step...but I would probably say it is a free action as opposed to "an extra swift" action. I assume you want it to not cost an actual swift action so I think free action would accomplish that without raising the questions about cost.

    My other gripe, is the fact that allies can't do anything but take a Move action while under the item's influence. I mean...that makes it pretty not useful for the PC's.

    Also, when a bard uses it, do allies also get the extra 5-foot step benefit?

    Overall, I liked the imagery. I didn't so much like the mechanics. Concentrate on incorporating evocative language with solid rules-fu and you will be in the Top 32!

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    Randall Newnham wrote:
    Orb of Aggravation

    This item was favored to aggravate me (many refer to them as Orbs of Annoyance).

    Impression: This seems to be a relatively low cost item. I didn't like that there is no range the item could be thrown and auto-hits. The conditions would quickly stack, which could make for an easy fight. At high level (item implies it will see play at lvl 10) the whole party could easily afford to spam a single enemy at the beginning of combat.


    Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Rulebook, Starfinder Accessories, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

    For All the Fish:
    Thanks to my fellow contestants, the voters, the judges and Paizo. Thanks to those who voted for my item and thanks to those that take the time to give me feed back on my item.

    Amulet of Construct Skin:
    Amulet of Construct Skin
    Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 11th
    Slot Neck; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -
    Description
    This amulet allows the wearer to don constructs with the armor complex modification that others have built. The wearer must be adjacent to the target construct when he uses the command word which counts as part of the full round action to don the construct armor.

    Upon activation the amulet imprints on the construct, draining HP from the wearer equal to 1/4 the wearer’s character level (minimum of 1). Once imprinted, the wearer does not need to pay this cost again. Only one construct can be imprinted at a time, re-imprinting a previously imprinted construct requires the wearer to lose HP again.

    Activating the amulet overrides the construct’s orders and continues to do so while being worn. Once the wearer leaves the construct, it returns to its orders, even if it was attacking the wearer. Wearer is always aware if a construct is armor as long as he has line of site.

    Additionally the amulet may repair up to 10d6 worth of damage to a construct per day. The wearer does not have to use all d6 at once and no more than 5 in a round. This repairing power ignores a construct’s magic immunities.

    Alternately the wearer may sacrifice these dice to simulate the spell animate object in a 60 foot range for 10 rounds. Each die sacrificed equals a small object.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate object, make whole; Cost 10,000 gp

    Personal Thoughts:
    I was worried because I went real nitch with this item. Essentially this item is to get around a mechanic in the game that most people seem not to like within a set of mechanics that were also not well met. At least what I can tell from the threads from the forums I have scene that is.

    Also after posting I was paranoid about the price because my concern was making sure it was cheaper then Construct Armor that I really didn't check the price of the repair/anime object feature. I still havn't because I am scared too but will get to it. Thanks everyone!

    Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

    Thanks to everyone who's given me feedback so far! Here are some replies, and I hope to get the chance to give some of the rest of you some feedback as well. :)

    Spoiler:
    theheadkase wrote:

    Ghoulslayer Gloves

    "She may target an undead creature within close range". What specifically is close range? 5-ft? 10-ft? I get that you asking us to look up the Reach metamagic feat, but I still think you should define close range...you definitely had the wordcount to do so.

    Actually, this has nothing to do with Reach Spell. "Close range" is a Core Rulebook concept; most spells have a range of "close", "medium" or "long" (25ft+5ft/2 levels, 100ft+10ft/level, and 400ft+40ft/level, respectively). So I followed Sean K Reynolds' advice and didn't repeat existing rules text in my item description. ;)

    Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
    Jacob Kellogg wrote:
    Ghoulslayer Gloves

    Cost: Lack of uses per day and negating the will save made the cost on the gloves much too low.

    My Impression: These were a solid "I want them NAOW!" item. Removing the word "Often" would have been nice, since I feel items should have a definitive description. Also these were a solid worthy of a rulebook item, but didn't feel Superstar to me.

    You really think the price was too low? I didn't give it uses per day because you have to spend spell slots. I thought it should actually be cheaper because even while using this item, your damage output is far from stellar (comparing it to other damaging spells at various levels).

    And yeah, I agree it has "Cloak of Resistance Syndrome". :P

    James Raine wrote:
    Practical, but not shiny enough, I think. I would've liked to see a bonus for landing a regular touch attack instead of a reach attack, and the item doesn't discuss what to do with a multi-target or burst spell with cure in its name (like mass cure light wounds).

    Yep, another tick on the "no mojo" meter. In retrospect, I could've added some pizzazz with a cool effect if you crit (or on a failed save, if I'd left the save alone).

    Good catch on the mass spells; totally missed that. Fortunately, as-written they still work, just not so impressively (merely removing the will save).

    Star Voter Season 6

    Wow this thing exploded fast!
    Personally, I'm going to review items that stuck out for my from the vote, items that don't get a lot of love review-wise, and I'll make a commitment now that I'll ensure I review anyone interested that provides a critique for me back in kind.

    Stolen Tears of the Winter Witch:
    Stolen Tears of the Winter Witch
    Aura faint conjuration and evocation; CL 5th
    Slot none; Price 4,500 gp; Weight

    Description
    Three crystalline snowflakes, trapped within a rime laced glass case, float gently as though held aloft on a hidden breeze.
    When, as a standard action, a single snowflake is removed from the case and allowed to dissolve on the tongue, the user is filled with arctic power for 5 rounds. As she exhales the user expels a swirling mist of wintry chill which extends in a 10 foot radius centered on the individual. The whirling vapors quickly gather force until a driving blizzard snarls around her.
    Creatures caught within the radius are affected as though in an actual blizzard, heavy snowfall impedes movement, and the driving snow obscures sight as fog.
    Powerful winds buffet all creatures within the radius causing severe wind effects, making ranged attacks challenging, and posing additional difficulties to creatures of Small or smaller size. Channeling the bitter cold of Irrisen, temperatures plummet within the blizzard. Unprotected characters suffer from extreme cold effects immediately upon entering the storm, take associated damage, and may acquire further penalties (see the Pathfinder RPG Core Rulebook 438-439 and442 for details on snow, wind and cold effects).

    Protected at the center of this powerful storm the user takes no penalties to movement or perception, and can see clearly beyond the blizzard conditions. She is not touched by the unnatural chill which swirls around her. The effect maintains its center on the user and moves as she does. Once the blizzard storms have begun they must run their course before dissipating.
    After all snowflakes have been consumed the container itself is simply a mundane item.
    Construction
    Requirements
    Craft Wondrous Item, fog cloud, gust of wind, unshakeable chill; Cost 2,250 gp

    Liberty's Edge Dedicated Voter Season 6

    2 people marked this as a favorite.

    :) Gaming tonight, but I'll drop my little guy in here!

    Sea Nettle Submersible
    Aura moderate conjuration; CL 11th
    Slot -- ; Price 16,200 gp; Weight 100 lbs.
    Description
    Dry and dessicated, this small jellyfish fits easily into any belt pouch. Once per day, as a standard action, when placed in salt water the creature expands until the size of a raft and seems to twitch and wriggle, almost as if it were alive. This summoned craft has a hardness of 1, an AC of 11, and 20 HP.
    The magical craft's buoyancy requires riders to enter through the bottom of the large jellyfish from underwater, which hosts a transluscent door made of the jellyfish's fragile but waterproof skin. The submersible holds enough air for 6 people to survive for 9 hours.
    The jellyfish responds to the will of its owner, moving at a swim speed of 20 ft in any direction. It is not an intelligent creature and has no will of its own. If the skin of the jellyfish is breached the craft immediately expels its occupants and floats to the surface at 20 feet per round, and cannot be activated for 24 hours.
    Construction
    RequirementsCraft Wondrous Item, summon nature's ally VI, water breathing; Cost 8100 gp

    Dedicated Voter Season 6

    This is the item I submitted. Any critique welcome. Want to build a better entry next time.

    Gloves of Silent Echoes
    Aura:
    Moderate Abjuration and Illusion CL: 5th
    Slot: Hands; Price: 37,800 gp; Weight: 1 lbs

    Description:

    These exotic leather gloves bare gold inlaid runes down each finger and a gold medallion, depicting a disembodied mouth frozen in a silent scream, on the back.

    Once per day, as a swift action, the wearer can activate the gloves creating a 10 ft radius centered on themselves that affects all spellcasting involving a somatic component, and all magic items that involve a spell completion or spell trigger component. This effect lasts for five rounds. Both gloves must be worn to activate this effect.

    When a spell or magic item is used all choices are made normally, but as the words are spoken they are stored in the gloves for 1d4+1 rounds and no sound actually comes from the source. Each glove can store one effect, the medallion's mouth closing when it is holding an effect, and the gloves cannot store any spell over 4th level.

    Once the number of rounds rolled for a glove is reached, the effect contained is released and the sound goes back to the source where it is immediately spoken. If the source is no longer capable of speech, (the source is dead, in an area of magical silence, etc ) the words are forever lost and the effect does not take place. Any effect sent back to the source to be spoken is not affected by the gloves a second time. Once spoken, the effect happens as normal with all the choices that had been made before it was contained.

    Construction
    Requirements:
    Craft Wondrous Item, Dispel Magic, Silence
    Cost: 18,900 gp

    Designer Notes:

    I was never really happy with the name and very much just considered calling them Silent Echoes or something similar to get away from "gloves of" but was never more comfortable one way or the other so I left it alone.

    I also went back and forth a lot on how many times per day the item could be used and maximum spell level the gloves could hold. I think I should have either up'ed the usage to 3/day and left the spell level alone or moved the spell level up to 6 though I erred on the side of caution when I submitted it.

    Lastly the idea behind the item was to have it be flexible and create opportunities for inventive play from the character. While you could absolutely put these on the melee and sit them on a caster you could just as easily stay in range of your caster to get the benefit of silence and delayed spells to take full advantage of your targets being unaware of you.

    Just a few notes about what was in my head as I was working on the item.

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    goldomark wrote:
    Elixir of Last Will

    Impression: A simple (maybe too simple) item. I think it is just 2 potions in one, but with a higher cost and a triggered effect. Wasn't very Superstar to me.

    Star Voter Season 6

    Gravedigger's Lantern

    Aura faint varied CL 5th
    Slot - Price 55,8000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

    Description
    This hooded lantern appears ordinary. When lit, it sheds light normally and remains ineffective in bright light. However, once per day when a command word is spoken the light cast by this lantern extends into the Negative Energy Plane. The light source doubles it's effective radius to 60' drawing the attention of any incorporeal undead in the area of effect. Those effected must succeed on a DC:18 Will save or be inexplicably drawn toward the lantern. Undead so effected ignore all else to investigate the lantern but may defend themselves. If attacked the effect is broken and the undead attack the closest living creature. Any incorporeal undead within 30' of the lantern must make another Will save at DC:20 or be pulled into the lantern. Undead that do so are effectively trapped once the light is extinguished and can only be released when the lantern is relit and the command word is repeated. The lantern can hold up to 12HD of incorporeal undead this way. If the lantern is destroyed, the undead within are freed and immediately attack the closest living creature. Any undead that succeed on any Will save react the same way. Undead that are released are still effected while within the light. Any PC with the Command Undead or Turn Undead Feat can optionally use that DC instead of the lantern's. The lantern burns oil normally.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, protection from evil, halt undead;
    Cost 27,900gp

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    VoodooHoodoo wrote:
    Shroud of Certain Return

    Impression: I liked this simple item, but it reduces the drawback of reincarnation, which I think is a bad thing. Bloody useful though! Solid rulebook item, but not very Superstar.

    RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

    Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

    Hmmm. It's quirky. I like quirky. It makes a handkerchief become the source of someone's voice and allows them to see from the piece of cloth. Nifty idea...

    It's too costly. I mean...this is probably one of those "You don't have to get it right just don't get it wrong" situations. It's 45k at CL 5th. It doesn't do much that the spells themselves wouldn't do for MUCH cheaper and more times a day.

    It's a little hard to read. It kind of feels like you wrote this freeform. Make sure to have a grammarian run through these in the future to help with clarity, punctuation, and line breaks.

    I don't honestly see this ever being used. I know I would sell it for the cash right away. The cash is definitely better than it's powers.

    Overall, you've got some quirky ideas and that can work. A lot of the Top 32 were quirky and off the wall. I'd take a good look at those Top 32 critiques and see where your item parallels the good and where you can improve on the bad.


    Andrew Marlowe wrote:
    Mark Aaron wrote:
    Bowstring of Additional Might

    I liked the concept behind this item but there are a few thins that I would have liked to have seen handled differently.

  • I would have like this item better if it worked on any composite bow not just magical ones.
  • I'm not a fan of the string breaking line it's too infrequent an occurrence (a .0025% chance I believe) to have any real meaning as a flaw for cost reduction and it's just a nuisance when it does occur then.
  • for something that doesn't really add a magical bonus that couldn't be purchased much cheaper mundanely when the bow was created the magical cost seems very high. I think I understand why but it's jarring.

    If I were going to make a similar item it would in some way increase the wielders effective strength bonus for drawing the bow negating the penalty to hit and perhaps allowing the wielder to capitalize on at least their own strength bonus to damage.

  • I appreciate your taking the time to do this. Your insight mirrors many of the qualms I dealt with in creating the item.

    I immediately regretted adding in the break chance. If there is one thing I could have changed, that would definitely be it.

    I was going to go cheaper for the pricing and initially had it a 1/2 the list cost it is at now, but I just kept going back to the Bracers of Archery in my head and how costly they are for a somewhat similar item. In the end, I went high, figuring that someone who could benefit would from the item would rather purchase the Bowstring than make a completely new magical bow.

    Star Voter Season 6

    Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
    Randall Newnham wrote:
    Orb of Aggravation

    This item was favored to aggravate me (many refer to them as Orbs of Annoyance).

    Impression: This seems to be a relatively low cost item. I didn't like that there is no range the item could be thrown and auto-hits. The conditions would quickly stack, which could make for an easy fight. At high level (item implies it will see play at lvl 10) the whole party could easily afford to spam a single enemy at the beginning of combat.

    Thanks for the feedback! Range would have been a good addition. Though very similar in function to a Whip Feather Token, it probably should have been costed higher. Not sure, though, since a whip sticks around for an hour and can be directed, and this is a fire-and-forget. The spamming possibility is a good point, although I would almost expect that to be a Whip Feather Token issue. My original draft had a ranged touch attack to target it, but I thought that would have been clunky.

    The Exchange Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Motley Gum
    Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
    Slot none; Price 500 gp, Weight
    Description
    Originally designed by goblins, and later perfected by gnomes, this lumpy, white ball of tree sap and beeswax is the size of a large marble and speckled with every color of the rainbow. When placed in the mouth as a move action and chewed as a free action this gum bombards the taste buds of the chewer with a torrent of flavors, changing roughly every six seconds. The chewer can then, once a round as a standard action, spit a glob of elemental energy at any creature or object within 30 feet as a ranged touch attack, dealing 2d6 points of damage. The type of damage is determined by the current flavor of the gum, which is rolled randomly at the start of the chewer’s turn.
    d6 Flavor Damage Type
    1 Sour Apple Acid
    2 Mint Cold
    3 Citrus Electricity
    4 Cinnamon Fire
    5 Cane Sugar Sonic
    6 Licorice Negative Energy
    A savvy user of Motley Gum can usually gauge what type of elemental damage a flavor is going to cause, based on past experience. After one minute the gum finally settles on one flavor, which remains for one hour and no longer allows the chewer to spit elemental globs. There is a substantial variety of different flavors Motley Gum can come in, some of which are only fit for goblin consumption, but this variety is one of the most common.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, fire sneeze, acid splash; Cost 250 gp

    RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

    Intellectual's Clay Pipe

    For thoroughness' sake, I'll attempt to review my own item.

    Template, you need to use none for the slot. Fox's Cunning should lower cased and italicized. Check your CL.

    This was BORING. I can't say it enough...BORING! You had as the very last thing, "this allows that check to be made untrained". This is the best part of your item and you should have led with that. Swap places with the +5 bonus and it might have been middle of the pack.

    This item has a lot of use to those classes where Knowledge skills are not class skills. I'd be concerned, though, that the untyped bonus stacks with itself and a person could smoke it 20 times in 100 minutes and gain a +100 on their next untrained knowledge check.

    The pricing seems to be alright.

    The word "smoker". You had very low wordcount and it really stood out that you repeated the same word many times.

    Overall, an item that would probably be better served in a book of magic items, but not Superstar. You didn't really show creativity or mojo, so look at the Top 32 for examples on what is "mojo".

    Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

    3 people marked this as a favorite.

    I'm pretty sure this is my final draft, but I'm notorious for meddling with things at the last possible second. If someone saved this item while voting and notices it's different from this, please PM it on to me.

    Beardforge
    Aura faint transmutation; CL 6th
    Slot none; Price 7,500 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
    Description
    A foot-wide iron anvil bears a carved braided beard across its front and a mirror-polished top. Combs and shears, all tipped with diamonds, clatter about in steel jars welded to the anvil's sides.

    When a character strikes its head against the anvil, an ironbeard bursts from the character's face for 6 minutes, as per the spell. Striking the anvil is a standard action.

    With a successful DC 16 Craft (armor) or Profession (hairstyling) check, a character may use the comb on any ironbeard as a full-round action to increase the ironbeard's duration to 8 hours.

    Styling a combed ironbeard with the shears alters its appearance and powers. After a successful full-round DC 16 Craft (armor) or Profession (hairstyling) check, roll 1d10, consult the chart below, and and add half of the stylist's relevant skill rank rounded up as a bonus to the ironbeard:

    (Result - new beard: bonus type)
    1 - Bronzebeard: AC
    2 - Silverbeard: Magic DR
    3-4 - Goldenbeard: Will saves
    5-6 - Stonebeard: Fortitude saves
    7-8 - Treebeard: CMD and grapple attempts
    9 - Steelbeard: Melee attack and damage rolls
    10 - Mithralbeard: All weapon threat ranges

    If the styling skill check succeeds by 10 or more, the stylist may choose the effect rather than rolling the die. If the skill check fails, the ironbeard loses its standard +1 AC bonus.

    The comb and shears may be used once per day. The anvil may be used at will.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft (smithing) or Profession (hairstyling), heat metal, ironbeard; Cost 3,750 gp

    --

    Criticisms I already agree with you about:
    • It breaks the hell out of immersion, it's too gonzo, it's (too close to) a joke item
    • "Rando-effect? I'll vote that down immediately"
    • Oh god all the bookkeeping
    • SIAC but the can is not sexy
    • SAK but the Swiss are not sexy
    • If this was "How Complicated Can You Make a Buff Superstar 2013" you might have made the Top 32
    • Profession (hairstyling)? Go to hell
    • Character? You meant creature, right?
    • Untyped bonus? booooooo hissssss

    Well if you hated it so dang much why did you enter it, ya big dummy:
    This thing woke me up in the middle of the night. After I made it, I couldn't in my right mind enter either of the other boring-ass engineered-for-judges items I'd worked on for months.

    It was a swing at the fences, and fence swings have done well without being perfect. When they hit. Which this didn't.

    I still love it and I love the archetype I made after it even more.

    Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

    gentleman's ensnaring cane Bad name. THe longer a name gets, the better it needs to be, and more niche. For example, if your item is called cloak of obsidian butterflies, that's one thing. You're evoking strong imagery that the item had better live up to. Calling to mind a nice old man doesn't justify a long name. Next, I found the item too powerful for its price. 78k is a lot, but at some point, you've got a force affect, a range of 100', and you are immobilizing anything that struggle s with a Reflex save. Larger creatures take Dex penalties. At CR 7, a chimera is screwed. At CR 14 a nalfeshnee is screwed. Neothelid, cauchemar, roper - these are strong monsters at high CRs that your item dismantles. At CR 19 a shoggoth has a 30% chance of failure. The strands aren't tied to Strength. Other questions popped up: do these ribbons of force provide cover or concealment? Can the wearer move while they're out? Then you have some funky language. That whole bit at the beginning about the imp having a paranoid countenance, or at the end about it being absorbed or unabsorbed. Look for easier ways to say things.
    Cinematics for this item are great, but it's too powerful to even really assess a price because of flawed design. I am sure a second effort would get you something more compelling. I encourage you to redesign it and try to see the differences.

    ghoulslaying gloves Jacob, I gave you feedback via PM already, but I wanted to share two ideas with the other aspirants, since there were similar items. FIrst, undead suck in Pathfinder. We can cescribe them as icky or dangerous, but they are really easy to kill and they don't do scary things anymore. Autodeath, negative levels...all that stuff is for 3.5. Another shiny way to slaughter undead without having to get closed to them is the last thing this game needs. Second, name conventions. The good feedback here is that the name instantly gives you an idea about the item, unlike the gentleman's cane or others. The bad news is the name isn't that imaginative, so readers are less excited to dig into your item and find reasons to like it. You want to like a many-layered veil or school of eyes. Pick evocative names that match the item itself.

    ethos swarm charm An item with little alignment charts and such is an instant turn-off. Even if lots of people dig the idea, and the item makes the excellent decision to appeal to someone regardless of ethos, you have to be aware in an event where public voting determines your success. Ask yourself "At three in the morning, are people gonna just vote for the shorter, easier item? Will the mojo come through the awkwardly formatted text?" I voted for this thing a few times, and against it a few times. Combat fatigue and the ability of other items to communicate big ideas in simple languagecost you. Now, about fitting into every ethos: I like it, It's smart design to have an item that will work for almost everyone instead of only going to the paladin. The paladin hates that because they have no input in treasure now, and the party hates it cause they want items they can use. However, some might view it as bad roleplay. Who has divinely-oriented beliefs and makes an item that anyone can use? Finally, I don't really buy that swarms of any kind are tie to any alignments. Why a crab swarm for Lawful Good? Questions like that take an item from "easy upvote" to "hafta think about it" as the voting goes on.

    porcine pendant I have to admit, items that force a change in attitude don't get very far with me. I just imagine someone throwing a colorful pig on the ground in front of an antipaladin, after which he rolls out a Santa-like belly laugh and says "Well, okay. Maybe I'll just kill you all tomorrow. COuld you make the pig do that thing again? My thinking runs into trouble here when I realize people play different styles and not every has antipaladins. But I think Superstar design means bringing an item a lot of people enjoy reading or using, and not so many people just don't buy into. This year there were several items that just forced you to like someone and I don't think that's a space that needs design. If you suck at Diplomacy, a magic pig shouldn't buy you out of trouble. The DCs and duration didn't bother me as much as the theme. Your formatting looks pretty good, except maybe that the Craft (jewelry) requirement needs capitalization and needs a required number of ranks. I can't find a spell called carry companion anywhere.
    siegebreaker cymbals This is a pretty neat idea and I voted for it a few times. However, its uses are really limited to GMs looking to screw with a party's preparation. Believe me, I'm okay with that. But it might not catch a lot of peoples' eyes. Unfortunately, those GMs are also now going to have to keep track of damage from different sources as the affected area moves. It's extra bookkeeping, which Paizo voters are sensitive to. It's not a bad addition to a book about pitched battles. But it's too niche for Superstar, I think.
    amulet of the grasping soul This item has one theme, but still does too much. It lets unarmed attacks, spells, natural and thrown weapons act as if they were ghost touch. Why not melee and ranged fire weapons, then? It not only gives incorporeal creatures "real touch", but it also let's them take material object into the ethereal, essentially phasing them out. I'd settle for just making creatures and items in the area all ghost tough. I think the item is too niche for the 80k expense, and I think the formatting has some mistakes. Frex: why greater magic fang? And you must always capitalize game terminology buzz words to differentiate between the statisitcal use and the prosaic use. A high-strength character might want to increase his Strength score.

    Hope this has been helpful. Another 5-7 in a few minutes.

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    Black Powder Chocobo wrote:
    Findeladlara’s Brush

    Template: Add commas in gp values and lowercase the spell.

    Cost: Doesn't cost enough. The painter is freed from having to concentrate to maintain the spell and they get an extra 10 ft. area. And it counts as a masterwork tool for 2 different skills.
    Impression; I dislike magic items that require skill checks to activate.

    Star Voter Season 6

    Jacob Trier wrote:

    Tabard of Cunning Tactics

    This was one of my favorite items! I don't think I have any particular criticism. This was in my own top ten or so of the items I saw while voting. Nicely done. :)

    Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
    James Raine wrote:
    Hunter's Geas: Too many conditional fiddly bits. Good idea, but it really needed less fiddly and more always-on.

    Thanks! I hadn't considered that. I can see a number of flaws, but that didn't come up in my personal review. I am definitely going to redo this item and see if I can improve it. It won't be Superstar (it's too mundane), but I think I can work the kinks out.

    I will be posting critiques, but sometime tomorrow. I hope. My weekend is quite packed, so don't be surprised if they don't start showing up until Monday.

    RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

    Jerett Schaufele wrote:

    Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

    There were several things that I liked about this entry, the name, most of the template use (other than 'slotless'), and how you considered lots of different situations. But I couldn't figure out what this item was good for. At 45k, I need to have a clear idea of why I would want this. Sure, I might use some creativity to figure out a use, but then I have to ask why someone went to the trouble of making it.

    Also, what happens to the bodies? Do faceless people just bump around aimlessly while their faces travel about? Sorry, this was creative, but left too many open questions for me.

    Dedicated Voter Season 6

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Okay... I'm going to go ahead and post up my own item, just to get it out there, then I'm going back to the top to offer critiques on as many items as I can get through tonight.

    Paper Messenger
    Aura faint conjuration and transmutation; CL 5th
    Slot none; Price 400 gp; Weight --
    Description
    Most commonly taking the shape of a crane or a glider, a paper messenger appears as nothing more than an origami figure. Once activated, it can carry a short message to a single target at a known location and return with a response. The figure can be fooled by disguises and spells such as alter self or polymorph. The message must be able to be written or drawn on a single piece of paper. Alternately, the messenger can travel to a specified location as a scout. Upon return, it can respond to a single yes or no question about the location. The figure cannot travel more than 5 miles away from the user.

    A paper messenger is a single use item. It can be recalled from a task at any time. Once the task is completed, the figure is recalled, or it travels out of range, the magic dissipates leaving an ordinary paper figure behind. Paper messengers are fine objects and have the ability to bend or lie flat to squeeze under doors or through narrow cracks. They have a fly speed of 60 ft. with good maneuverability. They should be treated as being made of ordinary paper, unless fortified by other means. It is possible, albeit difficult, to spot and intercept a paper messenger mid-flight. If the figure becomes wet, it is unusable until dry. Crumpling the figure has no ill effects, but if it becomes ripped or torn it loses all magical properties.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fly, unseen servant; Cost 200 gp

    RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

    Wings, Resplendent Battle

    It is obvious you clearly had these wings visualized in your head. You had them clear as day! You have good writing skills and your template was pretty good.

    "For up to 10 rounds", what makes the decision how many rounds to apply?

    You could tighten up the writing by saying "30-ft burst" instead of " burst of radiance in a 30 foot radius".

    Casting without provoking an AoO seems like a misfit in this list...even though it's only on an adjacent ally (and therefore likely to be only a beneficial spell).

    The sacrifice...how would a creature know that it can make that sacrifice?

    10lb weight. Ok, it is not the weight per se that gets me, it is the fact that these are big wings that should hamper movement as opposed to just adding weight.

    Mithril. In Pathfinder it is Mithral.

    Overall, I wasn't a fan of the item, but I see a spark of creativity and coolness in the designer. Tighten up a little bit of the theming and make sure to try and anticipate some of the repercussions of the abilities. Remember, with the public voting, it is not just the judges you have to impress.

    Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Clouds Without Water

    First batch. I plan to make short comments about all items!

    Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil - Sometimes voted for it. Thought the theme was a little forced. The substance seems to be silver just to make the real-world allusion work.

    Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane - I didn't get why a cane would be the focal point for an ensnaring effect, it seemed random. The rotation/movement of ensnared creatures seemed open to exploitation as well. Allies could be repositioned quickly, for example.

    Ghoulslayer Gloves - Sometimes voted for them. The effect seemed too basic, in a way. Decent idea, but didn't jump to the next level for me.

    Ethos Swarm Charm - The biggest issue for me was that it's a table of effects. I get that's tied to the basic concept, but still seems overly-complicated. Not entirely the item's fault, I just seem to have a bias against items with tables. Particularly so when the table is variations on a theme. It seems like there should be a cleaner approach.

    Porcine Pendant - Too whimsical for my taste. There's a very thin, undefined line to walk with this kind of item. If you pull it off, you're magic. But if not, you lose a lot of people.

    Siegebreaker Cymbals - Don't think I saw these. I like the concept. But from the name and the start of the description, I'm sort of expecting a Wall-Of-Jericho type shattering effect, so it confuses me a bit. I'm wondering if there isn't a better theme to wrap the concept in.

    Amulet of the Grasping Soul - Decent concept, maybe a little too basic. If it had more mojo it might work well.

    Candle of Distant Assurance - I had no problems at all with this, it's in my personal top ten. But the contest has a very strong bias to adventuring items, and this isn't one, unfortunately. It's very difficult to make it in if your item isn't adventure-oriented. Ideally useful in combat situations. I wish it was otherwise, but the contest has always been that way.

    Fiddle of the Dance - Voted for it occasionally. Best part is dancing on walls and ceilings. Maybe cut everything else and focus on making that part shine. Didn't like that no other action can be taken, that seems like it's asking for a lot of trouble in some situations. Also, what if the ally is unwilling?

    Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage - Creepy and cool. But somehow doesn't click for me. I couldn't decide when I'd use it, I guess.

    Intellectual's Clay Pipe - Decent basic wondrous item, but lacked the pizzazz of a superstar item. In general, items that only add a bonus to a check aren't doing enough.

    Wings, Resplendent Battle - Pretty much a Swiss Army Knife. It's a lot of minor effects rolled into one item theme. There's probably a direction to go that focuses on the sacrifice element alone.

    Time's Tide Pendant - I suspect you did indeed fall astray of the anti-time bias. When I came across it, I was prepared to dislike it based on the theme the name implied, but then I saw it was actually a pretty clever approach to manipulating initiative. I think that's very fertile ground, and I was jealous because I tried and failed to find a way to play in that ground that wasn't overly complicated. I think you found that way.

    Orator’s Torc - Liked the basic idea. Made my keep list. Liked very much that the bonus scaled with the number of people being addressed. I suspect it fell astray of not being combaty enough.

    Silver Crusade Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    So I'll preface my item with 3 short notes.

    1. I've only played Pathfinder, DnD, etc style games for the last 7 or 8 months, so I'm limited in my knowledge. That's no excuse for missing things, but I really didn't enter this to become a freelance game designer, I entered for the fun of designing a wondrous item :D. So you can be brutal, I won't be crushed :D

    2. Per note number 1, I was completely unfamiliar with the Cord of Stubborn Resolve until someone recommended it for my PFS Barbarian lol.

    3. I should have made it a headband rather than a head slot.

    Laurel of Kurgess

    Aura moderate conjuration and weak transmutation; CL 9th
    Slot head; Price 8,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
    Description
    This shimmering crown of evergreen bay laurels perpetually gives off a refreshing aroma. Twice per day, the wearer can ignore an effect that causes fatigue or reduce an effect that causes exhaustion to fatigue. Additionally, she gains a 10-foot enhancement bonus to her speed.

    If a non-good character attempts to wear the laurel, the leaves immediately wither and give off a foul odor. The non-good wearer still receives the boons of the item, but she also suffers a -1 penalty to Reflex saves made to avoid traps and to Armor Class against attacks made by traps. She cannot remove these penalties except by removing the laurel and resting 8 hours.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, longstrider, restoration, creator must be good; Cost 4,000 gp

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