Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Star Voter Season 6

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

I guess I’m mostly going through and doing free form thoughts as I go. I’m happy to answer follow-up questions, of course. These are just my personal thoughts.

** spoiler omitted **

Thanks, Jacob. Many of your comments are mirrored by others. I'm seeing a trend and I appreciate it. It's important. And, yes, it was forced on the second power.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

Amulet of Amended Strategy
Aura faint divination; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 5,400 gp; Weight
Description

The tiny glass sphere that hangs on this amulet contains a wisp of flickering blue flame. When activated, the amulet allows its wearer to change carefully laid plans at a moment’s notice.

Once per day, the wearer may forgo his readied action in favor of a different action. The new action can take no longer than a standard action and must be taken before the start of another character’s turn. Unlike a readied action, the new action cannot be used to interrupt another character’s action. Taking a new action in this way carries with it all of the initiative consequences of taking a readied action.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, embrace destiny; Cost 2,700 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

CouncilofFools wrote:
Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

Cost: I felt your cost was far too low. Just the ability make the check on creatures that don't understand you, cuts out having to cast a spell to allow them to do so. By restricting it to humanoids, it helped a little.

Diplomacy: When calling out a skill, always capitalize. A Diplomacy skill requirement should have added to the item.
web: This barely made sense, a better spell could have been found.
Overall Thoughts: First paragraph, I did not like the inclusion of "rumored". Second paragraph, really icked me out, the 10 minute dissolution should have come before ways to remove it, and why does only dispel magic dissolve it?

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You can skip the feedback on this one - I've done it for you :P

a) not cinematic or eye catching enough
b) single class target - see the voting threads for the panning these items got - shame really, the ranger gets so little love like the fighter and is often the most "bashed" class in forum debates
c) a few clunky phrases I feel I can do better with next time
d) relies on a little work for the GM to choose the initial settings when placing the treasure (more work for GM is bad :( - can't believe I missed that till now, ah well)

So why post it? For the benefit of everyone who may not have seen it during their voting of course :)

Circlet of Malevolent Eyes
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

A silver circlet adorned by a central ovoid moonstone surrounded by four amber stones shaped as tiger’s eyes. All stones are inset with an elongated vertical silhouette representing a unique creature type from the ranger’s favored enemies table.

When worn by a ranger, the moonstone silhouette reforms to represent the ranger’s favored enemy with the highest bonus. Where the ranger has more than one favored enemy with the same bonus, they must choose for the moonstone. The moonstone remains fixed until there is a change in ranger’s favored enemy with highest bonus when it immediately changes to match.

As a move action, touching both moonstone and one eye transfers the wearers favored enemy bonus represented by the moonstone to apply to the enemy represented by the eye for 5 rounds. The rate of transfer is 2 points per 1 point of bonus gain and stacks with any existing favored enemy bonus. Where the wearer does not have this favored enemy, they can treat such targets as favored and apply half the new bonus.

Neither the moonstone nor any of the eyes represent identical favored enemy groups at any time. During a moonstone change, any eye with a duplicate favored enemy group changes immediately to another unique selection.

Touching a single eye grants, for 8 hours, a +5 competence bonus to Survival checks to track creatures of the represented type. Unskilled Survival checks gain an increase in the maximum tracking DC they can track to DC 15 for 4 hours. Only one eye may be active at a time, each eye takes 8 hours to recharge after each use.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hunter’s howl; Cost 5,000 gp

Wow, page 2, never managed that before :)

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verdigris wrote:

Porcine Pendant

Lets see, a dancing pig with spots that fascinates people. This is a little gonzo for my likes.

I dont think the game mechanic was the right choice. How would a dancing multicolored pig make people like the owner more?

I think the writing was good however.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Immediate Chant

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This fine vellum scroll is encased in an exquisitely scrimshawed tube of ivory or bone and is typically found blank.

Once per day, upon command, an immediate chant scribes the first spell of 4th level or lower cast within a 30 foot radius of its square as per the Scribe Scroll feat, ignoring requirements of cost, time, and materials. An immediate chant will hold this spell for 24 hours, after which it is lost.
When speaking the command word again, the user casts the transcribed spell as a standard action, regardless of the spell’s original casting time, using the spell’s original caster level to determine effects.

Alternately, an immediate chant can be ensorcelled using the Scribe Scroll feat. One spell of any level may be scribed as a standard action, provided the user has access to the spell and materials needed as outlined in the Magic Item Creation guidelines. Any spell scribed in this manner but not cast within 24 hours is lost. Speaking the command word casts the spell as a standard action, regardless of its original casting time.

An immediate chant uses rules for activating a scroll, except there is no chance of a Scroll Mishap. If the spell transcribed is unavailable to a user due to class, alignment, race or ability score, a Use Magic Device check (DC 31) is required as per the skill description. If an attempt to cast a spell from an immediate chant fails, the spell remains until it is either successfully cast or the 24 hour time limit passes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, crafter must have Arcane Bond class feature or 10 ranks in Use Magic Device, mage’s lucubration, mnemonic enhancer, [i]secret page[i/i]; Cost 14,000 gp

Next year, I'll save a version with formatting for this thread- it was 100% on the initial entry, if I missed something here. I know why I would not vote for it and why I would vote for it, so any critique is welcomed.

I will admit I had a ton of fun writing it, and thought it might make it, but have my own list of reasons it might not. (Foremost the "scroll" redundancy, but Morlock hide was too gross, IMO ;) )

Lantern Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Black Powder Chocobo

Nazard wrote:

Tablet of Heretical Lore

*snip*

Never saw this item, but this is pretty cool in idea, except, in my mind, I can easily see a deity getting uppity over this.

*boom the next day you try to gather your divine spells*
Calistria: What's wrong? Problem getting your spells? I thought my magic wasn't good enough, so you had to borrow Burning Hands from that harlot Sarenrae. That'll teach you twice for casting around. Oh, and a giant wasp is hunting you down. Buh-bye.

Okay, your GM may not actually have it happen like that, but I could see an issue using divine power from another deity (even if it was granted by one of the deity's followers).

Tangential silliness aside, the concept is interesting and original. I could see a modified minor artifact version of this made for a specific deity and grants access to all of their domain spells. Just can't go with it as a regular magical item.

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Jerry Keyes wrote:
verdigris wrote:

Porcine Pendant

You had a tiny mistake in your template:

faint illusion, faint transmutation

Should be:

faint illusion and transmutation

"Faint" describes the caster level, so you never need to put it twice. I only used template mistakes as tie breakers.

Also, your opening line is a little clunky. This is the only place that I found your writing a little difficult to read. But, of course, starting out at a deficit is never a good thing in such a tight competition.

I suspect your entry may have been a little too whimsical. It's cute, and so many players now-a-days want to be "hard". I like to have humor sprinkled into my campaigns, so the porcine pendant would not be out of place in my games.

(Maybe if, after being cute and charming, it turned into a wild boar and attacked every pleasantly smiling creature around it; you might've found more hardcore fans?)

Thank you for the critique! I did wonder if it might be too whimsical.

Marathon Voter Season 6

Ghoulslayer Gloves

I liked this item. If I found it as part of a treasure hoard I would definitetly keep it. I especially like the no save part. Some people might feel that is overboard, but I feel the cure/inflict spells are weak as attacks anyways.

Star Voter Season 6

Steven Helt wrote:

Chelish Silver-tongued Devil

I think the items suffers from strange design choices. Why web? Why 4k for a potential 3-round kill? Why isn't suffocation or comprehend languages a requirement?

Thanks for the formatting recommendations.

Maybe I didn't understand suffocation rules, but I thought a PC/NPC can hold her breath for 2 rounds per point of CON before starting to actually suffocate; even a person with a 5 CON could last for a minute before beginning to suffocate. This is probably another thing I didn't get across effectively though I would have had to rewrite it in the item which is one of the things we are told to avoid. Suffocation? Excellent question that I don't have an answer to.

Thanks again, Steven.

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Ghoulslayer Gloves

Ahh, I liked this item quite a bit, and I got it QUITE a bit in voting. The small word count really went in it's benefit. The theme was tight. You thought through the item, demonstrated by the Reach metamagic affect. I think the price is slightly low, but you weren't at all out of the ballpark.

I think the opening sentence is actually what I disliked the most about this. I don't know Geb off-hand and I don't know if most people do. They might and I might be crazy. But it also falls pray to the "often XXXYYY" thing.

"She may target an undead creature within close range". What specifically is close range? 5-ft? 10-ft? I get that you asking us to look up the Reach metamagic feat, but I still think you should define close range...you definitely had the wordcount to do so.

The only reason I say it is slightly under priced is because it removes the Will Save from the undead target.

Overall, who am I to give advice to you? You've been Top 32. I liked this item a lot. It honestly was one of the choices I was surprised didn't make it this year. I think I up-voted it almost every time. There's not much going against it, except I think public whimsy and the few things above.

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Nautilus Pack of Tangled Tentacles
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot Shoulders; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
This back pack is similar in appearance to the right half of a nautilus shell with an opening at the top. The back half is flat and composed of four suckers used to attach the nautilus pack to the wearer. The pack can store items like a bag of holding, storing up to 5 cubic feet or 50 pounds of material.
Once per day the wearer may speak a command word and in so doing the shell retracts, revealing dozens of flailing and grasping tentacles. The tentacles hold any items stored in the pack, and can pass them to the wearer as a free action. While this effect is active, once per round the wearer may use the tentacles to attempt the steal or disarm combat manoeuvre as a swift action against an adjacent opponent, using the nautilus pack’s CMB of +13, this includes a +4 bonus due to the tentacles’ Strength. Using the nautilus pack in this manner does not provoke attacks of opportunity. If the wearer fails to disarm an opponent the wearer may not be disarmed in return. An item that is disarmed or stolen from the opponent is held in the tentacles and can be taken back by enemies with a successful disarm or steal manoeuvre of their own against a CMD of 23. The tentacle effect terminates after one minute, all items held in the tentacles are then immediately stored in the pack as the tentacles retract and the nautilus shell returns to its normal shape. Items too heavy or large to fit in the pack instead drop in the wearer’s square.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, black tentacles, secret chest Cost: 7,000 gp

Have at it folks, I appreciate any critiques you can give.

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The Lonely Man’s Instant Party
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot —; Price 1400 gp; Weight

Description
This colorful item is a fist sized, paper wrapped popper with two handles that allow someone to grip and pull it apart. When this item rips apart it does so with a loud snapping sound and creates a fantastic effect or item. This particular party popper creates a crowd of people colorfully dressed for a party loudly celebrating whatever the user desires. They take up a fifteen by fifteen foot area centered on the user and count as a very real crowd, thus acting as difficult terrain and cover for anyone within their area. They will not protect themselves from attack or flee from danger, and only the user can control them. The crowd may be moved up to 15 feet each round as a move action. They can also be directed as a standard action to toss up a cloud of confetti, creating a 30 foot radius of concealment that is centered on the crowd and that lasts 1d4+1 rounds. Lastly, the crowd can be directed as a standard action to shout, whistle, and sing loudly in celebration, dazing anyone within or adjacent to the crowd for a round. The dazed condition can be negated with a DC 16 Will save. The crowd explodes into a shower of confetti if it takes more than 100 points of damage or one hour passes. Once used, this item is destroyed and may not be used again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration; Cost 700 gp

I realized a few problems with it after I submitted it but I will let others point them out.

Star Voter Season 6

Choker of Subtle Sound
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 30,000 gp; Weight —.

Description
This choker is made of a simple silver band clasped together with a miniature dragon, bat or dolphin in front. This item augments the wearer’s voice and vocal performances to a level not typically heard by humanoid ears.

The wearer can hum or subvocalize as a standard action. The choker will resonate in response, producing high pitched echoing noises the user can use to pinpoint things he may normally not be able to see. This effect provides blindsight at a range of 40 feet for 100 minutes per day. This duration does not need to be consecutive, but it must be spent in 10-minute increments.

In addition, a bard may expend 20 minutes of the blindsight effect to cast a single spell using tones too high-pitched for normal hearing. This functions as the Silent Spell feat, except that the spell does not use a higher level spell slot.

For up to 10 rounds per day, a bard may also use the choker to activate a second bardic performance using tones that only he can hear. This effect can only be used for bardic performances that can rely on audible components, and the effect only applies to the bard. Both performances still use up one round of bardic performance each.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, echolocation, virtuoso performance; Cost 15,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6

Thanks, Thomas. All very good thoughts and very good points; low cost, skill requirement, better spell (or stick to the original concept instead of web), darn that "rumor" and icky, and no good reason for dispel magic.


Ultimate Adventurer’s Egg
Aura moderate conjuration and evocation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This metallic egg -- slightly larger than an ostrich egg – has a combination of mechanical and magical capabilities. It’s divided into two halves which spin in relation to each other. The top has pictures of a normal egg and a glowing egg. Pictures of the sun, the moon, a star, and a cloud are spaced evenly around the bottom. Aligning the picture of the normal egg with a bottom picture activates one of the mechanical abilities, while lining up the glowing egg and a bottom picture triggers a magic one.

Normal Egg (unlimited uses)
• Sun - creates sparks for starting fires
• Moon - creates a high pitched noise, inaudible to most races, keeping insects and small animals 20’ away.
• Star - the egg’s top and bottom separate creating a lantern.
• Cloud - opens a hatch allowing for storage of six cubic inches worth of small items.

Glowing Egg
• Sun - creates a four serving meal. Oddly enough, this meal never contains any eggs. (twice/day)
• Moon - creates 1d4 egg shaped sling stones with a 25% chance that one of the “stones” will actually be a rotten egg. These stones are equivalent to +1 sling stones. (once/day)
• Star - summons a celestial eagle to assist the character for one hour. There’s a 10% chance that the eagle will mistake the ultimate adventurer’s egg for its own egg and attack the character. (once/day)
• Cloud - creates a dome shaped covering large enough to protect one medium creature from falling/flying objects, as per the spell wind wall. (once/day)
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wind wall, create food and water, summon monster Cost 12,000 gp

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Herremann the Wise wrote:
Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane

Cost: I think this item was underpriced due to the strength of the forcecage-like effect. There is no time limit specified and multiple creatures that could be captured.

Requirements: This item ended magical effects, but no spell was listed that did that (e.g. dispel magic). Same for moving the targets around.
Mechanics: No specified duration, but "At the start of the holder’s next turn" makes me think it only lasts one round. The rest of the mechanics are a bit fuzzy as well and don't seem to read well for me.
Flavour: The imp caused me to lose alot of interest in the item and does it make sound when protesting? How loud?

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Mark of the Leech
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 16,200 gp; Weight-
Description
The mark of the leech appears to be a smooth, oblong piece of obsidian. When pressed to the user's forehead, it attaches firmly requiring a full round action by the user to remove.

Once per day, the mark of the leech may create a 30-foot radius burst of negative energy centered on the user. Any living creature except the user within the burst radius takes 1d8+9 points of damage (Will DC 17 for half damage). The user gains the amount of damage dealt as temporary hit points which last for 1 hour.

Additionally, the user may bestow these temporary hit points to any creature they touch. Each touch bestows 4d6 hit points up to the total amount of temporary hit points available.

Should the mark of the leech be used against the undead, however, any undead in the burst radius are healed 1d8+9 hit points and the user suffers an equal amount of damage (no saving throw). Any hit points bestowed to an undead creature beyond its maximum hit points are treated as temporary hit points which last for 1 hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, vampiric touch, inflict light wounds, mass; Cost 8,100 gp

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Siegebreaker Cymbals

This entry took a little extra reading to understand what you were trying to accomplish, which was (mainly) swapping DR types. Some of your sentences could've been reworded slightly to help, e.g.

BEFORE:
"Etching the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals are metallic runes, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine."

AFTER:
"Metallic runes etch the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine."

Also, I think you need to make it clearer that the symbols are a mismatched set straight off the bat. This might've helped to set expectations for the reader.

Other phrase changes that might help; rather than say "in the vibration", say "in the area of effect". It's little things that make it easier for the reader to digest and comprehend.

Lastly, you had an uphill battle by making an item that was so Bard specific; narrowing your audience reduces your chances for up votes.

And to end on a high note (pun intended), I don't recall seeing another item that tries to change Damage Reduction around, so that was pretty unique in my book. Hope this helps some.


Blightstone
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 500 gp (lesser), 2,500 gp (greater); Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This dull grey pebble comes in both lesser and greater varieties and may be thrown as ranged attack with a range increment of 20 feet, or used as an improvised sling bullet. It deals no damage, but when it strikes a hard surface (or is struck hard) it shatters into a fine dust that covers all creatures within a 10-foot-radius spread. Any creature covered in the dust from a blightstone must make a Will save at DC 16 (lesser) or DC 25 (greater) or be inflicted with a spellblight or oracle’s curse of the crafter’s choice for 1 hour. A lesser blightstone inflicts a minor spellblight or a single 1st level oracle’s curse. A greater blightstone inflicts a major spellblight or two 1st level oracle’s curses (as if the target was a dual-cursed oracle). Multiple copies of the same curse or spellblight do not stack. Once shattered, a blightstone becomes inert after one round and may not be reused.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bestow curse, or major curse; Cost 250 gp (lesser), 1,250 gp (greater)

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2 people marked this as a favorite.
Jerett Schaufele wrote:
verdigris wrote:

Porcine Pendant

Lets see, a dancing pig with spots that fascinates people. This is a little gonzo for my likes.

I dont think the game mechanic was the right choice. How would a dancing multicolored pig make people like the owner more?

I think the writing was good however.

Thank you for your critique. Your thoughts coincide with Jerry's that it was too much whimsy for this competition.

I do want answer your question regarding the charm person effect:

It is a fey pig, created using the fey animal template from Land of the Linnorm Kings. Using this template, a 0-3HD animal has either faerie fire or charm person as a spell-like ability. In this instance, I went with charm person. The multiple colors were from the hypnotic pattern spell. As for the dancing, well who wouldn't stare at a dancing pig?

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Jacob Kellogg wrote:
Ghoulslayer Gloves

Cost: Lack of uses per day and negating the will save made the cost on the gloves much too low.

My Impression: These were a solid "I want them NAOW!" item. Removing the word "Often" would have been nice, since I feel items should have a definitive description. Also these were a solid worthy of a rulebook item, but didn't feel Superstar to me.

Marathon Voter Season 6

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Any comments or thoughts are very much appreciated. Thanks, folks!

Siegebreaker Cymbals
Aura moderate transmutation and evocation; CL 16th

Slot none; Price 4,100 gp (cold iron or silver, single), 10,100 gp (adamantine, single); Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Etching the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals are metallic runes, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine. A single cymbal has no magical effects.

When two siegebreaker cymbals of different metals are crashed together—a standard action requiring a DC 19 Perform (percussion) check—the air vibrates jarringly within a 30ft. radius, echoing with clanging steel and ancient battle cries. Creatures in the vibration possessing damage reduction overcome by one cymbal's metal type have the reduction swapped to the other cymbal's metal. The damage reduction's magnitude is unaffected. The area remains centered on the cymbalist.

Creatures may ignore this effect with a Will save, DC equal to the result of the Perform check. Afflicted creatures leaving the area immediately have their damage reduction return to normal, but are shaken for 1 round.

In addition, attacks made within the vibration no longer automatically overcome damage reduction solely on the basis of having enhancement bonuses. (+3 weapons would not automatically bypass cold iron and silver damage reductions, for instance.)

While the vibration normally lasts one round, a bard may further expend rounds of bardic performance to maintain the effect for up to one minute. This requires a standard action each round; otherwise, this functions as a regular bardic performance. When the vibration ends, both cymbals lose their magical properties for one hour. A siegebreaker cymbal may be treated as a weapon for the purpose of align weapon or magic weapon spells cast to modify the type of damage reduction it affects or bestows.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sculpt...

I like the idea of this item (getting around DR without a golfbag of weapons), but the mechanics don't quite come together for me.

First, activation, they're just cymbals. Why are they so hard to activate? They are also hard to keep active, requiring a standard action every round.

Second the business with +3 weapons (or higher) no longer overcoming DR seems strange comeing from an item that does just that.

Third, the cymballs (presumably) only work if there are two creatures with different DRs to be in the same fight. If there is only one, you should have bought a special material weapon.

Finally, they cost more then those special material weapons (which you still need because they don't elminate DR, just swap it).

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter Season 6

Skein Helm
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 9th
Slot Head; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This steel helm features a goose in flight emerging from the brow. Once per day the wearer can activate the helm to transform himself and up to five willing targets into geese as beast shape I for nine hours (use stats for vultures). While transformed all targets are under the effect of an overland flight spell and may use know direction at will. Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I, know direction, overland flight; Cost 7,500 gp

the bolding was lost in copying from my tablet but it was done all proper in the voting I assure you

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Cyrad

Mantle of a Thousand Hands (Top 32 alternate)
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 4th
Slot shoulders; Price 3500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Golden thread embroiders this black satin shroud with figures resembling hands reaching for an ornate diamond shape on the garment’s back. At will, the wearer may conjure a collection of additional hands from underneath the mantle to perform a deftly handled task. After one round, the hands withdraw into the mantle, dropping any items still in their possession and disappearing without a trace. They may seem to originate from any unseen or non-frisked area underneath the shroud, including the wearer’s back. These hands resemble that of their wearer’s, even possessing mundane clothing such as gloves and rings.

As a swift action, the wearer may use the mantle of a thousand hands to store or retrieve an item from her person. Alternatively, she may draw or sheathe a light weapon, but may not use the conjured hands to wield a weapon. This does not provoke an attack of opportunity.

The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to Sleight of Hand checks using the mantle of a thousand hands. Observers not aware of the mantle’s usage receive a -2 penalty to their opposing Perception check. This penalty increases to -3 if the observer sees the wearer’s real hands performing an activity that would not raise suspicion.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, creator must have 1 rank in the Sleight of Hand skill; Cost 1750 gp

Design Notes:

Spoiler:

1. My design process began with conceptualizing an item that would be fun for a character to have, even if it conferred no bonus. Then, figure out what gameplay consequences could it have. However, the end result left me worried it would come off as a Swiss-Army Knife.

2. I wasn't sure how to price such an item. I considered it a +5 skill bonus item and added extra for the at-will. I made Sleight of Hand a required skill for good measure.

3. I made the item store/retrieval a swift action to avoid making the Quick Draw feat obsolete.

4. The reason the Perception penalty was only -2 to -3 is because the +2 Sleight of Hand increases the DC to notice a theft. The reason I didn't just make it a +5 Sleight of Hand is because I liked the flavor that the mantle isn't just making it easier to steal things -- it makes it difficult for observers to notice you're doing something.

5. I wasn't sure about the caster level. I'm not sure what the metric for that is aside from the component spell.

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Wise Tiki wrote:

Choker of Subtle Sound

I like the sonic theme of this one but I think its falls flat (pun intended) in that it not super useful for non bards. I tend to like more versatile items.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Meddler’s Mirror
Aura moderate divination; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 45,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This eight inch hand mirror is constructed of elegantly wrought silver, with oval head and short handle. Once per day the user may bind the mirror to something it is currently reflecting (a location, object or creature). The mirror generates an invisible, intangible magical sensor which remains linked to its target for the next 24 hours, moving with the target and always retaining the same relative position (distance and facing) with respect to the target as the mirror had when activated. A targeted creature or object attended by a creature is permitted a Will save (DC 18) to negate this effect.
While the sensor is in place, the mirror’s user may, as a standard action, cause it to display whatever is currently detected by the sensor. The image in the mirror’s surface appears exactly as if the mirror were now being held in the position occupied by the sensor. Typically the target is observed, however, at times the sensor’s line of sight may be obstructed, for example, by an intervening wall. The sensor’s input may be dismissed from the mirror’s surface (a swift action) and recalled as many times as desired.
Once per day while the mirror is drawing on its sensor, the user may cast a spell through it, targeting anything visible in the surface. A shimmering image of the caster appears briefly in the sensor’s position, and the spell issues from this image. Spells with a range of personal or touch may not be cast through the mirror. As soon as the spell is cast, the mirror’s magic for that day is expended and the sensor winks out of existence.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, clairaudience/clairvoyance, dimension door, scrying; Cost 22,5000 gp

My first RPGSS entry, posted here exactly as I submitted it. I.e. 300 words with no blank lines between paragraphs. Having voted 500+ times, I now realise that was a problem right there :(

I didn't make the 89. I'm keen to hear what people thought and why it was voted down. Thanks!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Ethos Swarm Charm

Alignment based, level scaling, and self swarm tranformation charm? Yes...I love the idea. You're templating is great. You demonstrate great creativity, and you mention more swarms than I honestly knew existed.

You're writing. It is very utilitarian, which I appreciate, but it doesn't have the..."mojo" term that keeps getting thrown around. It is very hard to define, and unfortunately, this entry didn't give off the "mojo" in it's descriptive writing. I like the bit about having something in a glass bead in the center, but I think it would have been more "mojo-tastic" if that something changed to whatever alignment was of the person to reflect what kind of swarm they would be. Plus, anyone in the know could look at it and tell if they were good or bad, lawful or non-lawful.

I thought it was a pretty bold risk going for the table of alignment based swarms. I liked it, but I bet that a lot of the voting public was turned off by it. This year's tourney was different (so we're told by all the old hands...I'm a first year) because you need to grab the voting populace's attention. It stinks, on the one hand, because it might force you to put a creative and far out idea on the burner in favor of a crowd pleaser. The rounds after the 1st, though, would let you use more of those far out ideas.

You mention that the person gets the swarms attributes and abilities, but retains their mental faculties, but loses their spells and abilities. There's some contradiction, and some complication here. I would say you need to pick one or the other. Either they retain all the swarm's attributes and abilities, or they retain all their own. In this instance, omit the "retains their mental faculties" and you can cut the rest of the sentence following.

Optional use is...interesting. Not sure why it's added on. Can an enemy sunder it, and force the transformation? Do you transform back?!

Although I chuckled at the thought of jellyfish swarm on dry land.

Overall, you are very creative. I like this item. I didn't vote it up as often as I probably should have, mainly because it just wasn't...there yet. Keep working on adding descriptive text to your utilitarian style, and think through you're abilities, and you'll be hitting the Top before you know it.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Well, I made the Top 89 but not the Top 32, so I suppose I should post my item here for posterity. I'm sure future contestants will want to study the difference between the Top 32 and those who fell just short.

Disappearing Weapon Cord:

Disappearing Weapon Cord
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot wrists; Price 8,000 gp; Weight
Description
Made from rope once affected by a rope trick spell, this weapon cord (Advanced Player’s Guide, page 183) uses up a creature’s entire wrists slot when attaching a weapon to that creature’s wrist. Whenever the attached weapon is not being held, the attached weapon and any trailing length of weapon cord both vanish into an extradimensional space. This space stores the weapon and the trailing length of cord indefinitely, but can hold nothing else. The stored weapon’s weight is negligible. The attached creature can wield other weapons and perform finer actions without penalty. The disappearing weapon cord continues to occupy the creature’s entire wrists slot while the attached weapon is stored in the extradimensional space, but the cord does not prevent the creature from switching to other weapons. The creature wearing the cord can draw the stored weapon from the extradimensional space as a swift action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Sturdier than a normal weapon cord, a disappearing weapon cord has 6 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, rope trick; Cost 4,000 gp

Before submitting this item, I anticipated it would receive the following three criticisms:

1) It's just a weapon cord with all of the drawbacks removed. It doesn't demonstrate much creativity since it's just upgrading of an existing item in a straightforward manner.

2) It's just an under-priced alternative to a glove of storing. Every combat character will want one of these weapon cords, and that will make the glove of storing obsolete.

3) It's just a plain utility item. It doesn't look cool and isn't cinematic.

Having spent many hours weighing those criticisms, I decided that none of them were true, for a variety of reasons I won't mention here. But I can fully understand why others might not agree with my conclusion, and might decide that the above criticisms are all entirely valid. That was a risk I was willing to take.

So, all of that being said, did my item have any flaws not covered by my list of anticipated criticisms?

(I'll be back to comment on other items in this thread later this weekend.)


Escapee’s Spoon
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 16,200 gp; Weight — lbs.
Description
This spoon appears sturdy with several scratches along it surface. Once per day, when the command word is spoken a small mouth opens from the spoons bowl. The spoons mouth can effortlessly eat through any inanimate, non-magical surface of earth and stone. The spoon can devour two feet of earth and stone in an hour. When 10 feet of any combination of earth and stone has been eaten by the spoon it becomes full. When the spoon is full it stops eating for the day and gains a charge that activates one of the two following powers.
The first power is the spoon slowly releasing a paper thin covering of earth and stone which effectively camouflages a hole that is Medium creature size or smaller. This covering takes one minute to apply and lasts until anything touches it. This power only works on surfaces made of earth and stone. Once applied the cover is indistinguishable to the naked eye unless the creature has stonecunning.
The second power allows the person holding the spoon to squeeze it, unleashing a spray of dust and grit from the mouth as a standard action. The spray can target a single foe within 10 feet as a ranged touch attack. Any creature struck by the spray takes 1d6+4 points of bludgeoning damage and must make a DC 15 Fortitude save or be blinded for one round.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, stone shape; transmute rock to mud; Cost 8,100 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Jerry Keyes wrote:
Ethos Swarm Charm

Impression: I was bored by this item. It was just a couple of lists and seemed very SIAC. A solid rulebook item, but not very Superstar.

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil: I hate Diplomacy items with a burning, fiery passion of a thousand flaming suns on fire. The flames are also on fire. This is partially due to how ludicrously broken Diplomacy could be in 3.5, but partially from my own personal feelings as to how much I dislike having something that should be roleplayed reduced to a die roll. The second half of your item is pretty cool, but the Diplomacy stuff was enough to tarnish it off my list for me.

Gentleman's Ensnaring Cane: I liked this item, but the way you phrased "usable once a day" threw me off. The item itself seemed verbose for its effect, but I couldn't really say where you could shave words off. All in all, I liked the item, but it wasn't a slam dunk for me.

Ghoulslayer Gloves: Practical, but not shiny enough, I think. I would've liked to see a bonus for landing a regular touch attack instead of a reach attack, and the item doesn't discuss what to do with a multi-target or burst spell with cure in its name (like mass cure light wounds).

Ethos Swarm Charm: You managed to fit two of my least-favorite things into one item! It's an item that's not really an item (since it's a creature), and it's based off of alignment. I think you could've done better if you had chosen one or two instead of nine kinds of swarm and put in some extra text for adaptation. Also, you don't discuss at all what happens if the wielder dies when transformed.

Porcine Pendant: Too whimsically ludicrous for my tastes. I know it's not a joke item, but there's no way any character of mine would be able to take this item seriously.

Siegebreaker Cymbals: The item's name is what let me down on this one: I was expecting an item that would shatter walls when I struck the cymbals together. Instead, I got damage reduction transmogrification.

Amulet of the Grasping Soul: This item gives the ghost touch property to everything, basically. It is a useful, but not spectacular, item.

Candle of Distant Assurance: I liked this item a lot, but the disconnect between "can be snuffed but continues to burn" was odd. I would have preferred you to say that it couldn't be unlit while a creature yet lived, relighting itself like one of those trick birthday candles.

Fiddle of the Dance: Items that only function for people of a particular class don't make logical sense for me. As a call-center representative, I am just as capable of using, say, a forklift as the dude in the warehouse: he just knows how to use it better and more effectively than I. That doesn't mean, however, that I can't do the same things with it he can.

Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage: This item got my upvote nearly every time I saw it, but it seems a little too much like something that would be best suited for an NPC, not a player.

Intellectual's Clay Pipe: All it does is a +5 bonus? I would vastly prefer it do something like make knowledge checks untrained. At least that'd be more than just a flat, numeric bonus.

Resplendent Battle Wings: Is there a particular reason these are alignment-locked? Bad people don't work together towards a common goal? Even if they were originally made by good people, none of them have been lost or stolen ever? What happens if I'm in a party with neutral people? I would probably have voted for this item if it were not alignment-based.

Time's Tide Pendant: Messing with initiative is confusing, but this item does it pretty well. I voted for it, but didn't see it very often.

Orator's Torc: I would basically have liked it if you left off the Diplomacy stuff. The skill bonus was fine, but the shifting of multiple steps is a huge deal in the right hands and not something I really think is a good idea.

Orb of Aggravation: This is a great item, but some of the formatting for it (like how you handle the random status effects) is hard to read and detracted from the final product. I voted for this item.

Elixir of Last Will: This seems like an inordinately situational item that has a pretty small effect. It would have been much cooler if it brought you back as a ghost for, like, ten rounds but then killed you so dead you needed a miracle.

Shroud of Certain Return: This seems sort of abuseable, given the right circumstances, especially considering its relatively cheap price (cheap by the standards of what level you'll be able to readily use reincarnate, anyway). It's a neat idea, but I think it needs some extra backing, like preventing the target from being further reincarnated.

Findelaldra's Brush: Why am I not using [url=http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/m-p/marvelous-pigments]marvelous pigments[/url? For an extra thousand gold (or for a thousand less, for your revised item), I can make real things instead of illusory ones.

Hunter's Geas: Too many conditional fiddly bits. Good idea, but it really needed less fiddly and more always-on.

Garter of Hidden Fortune: For an extra thousand gold (the price of a longsword +1), I get to blink and become invisible, at-will, as well as have a self-rescuing handy haversack? I think you underpriced this by a fair amount.

Ointment of Last Sight: I think your self-assessment is pretty spot-on.

Tabard of Cunning Tactics: I voted for this item every time I saw it, and only for the ally-swap ability. I would have liked to see a way to do it at further distance and gotten rid of the fighting defensively part of it entirely: defenders don't get enough love.

Chalice of Communal Dweomer: The action trade-off and the halved duration made this item's sparkle not shiny enough. If you had gone with either one or the other drawback, but not both, I would have voted for this item.

Vest of Mongrelkind: I hate items that require attunement times. I would much rather have seen this item only have a specific racial trait (selected randomly, perhaps) rather than having it be selectable with an attunement period.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

ulgulanoth wrote:

Amulet of the Grasping Soul

You have some minor issues with the template (but that's only tie-breaker territory in my book). The real issue here is the item feels like it was built more for a monster than for a character. Most of your description centers around the incorporeal uses, which shouldn't be your target audience.

Strip those away and you have something that gives a slightly modified Ghost Touch (for 80k). Probably not what you intended, but that's how it comes across. Also check for run-on sentences that weaken your description.

"Amulet of the Grasping Soul" is very evocative though. Many people hate the use of "of the" in titles, but when used well I don't mind it. Also, I like items that behave differently for different people (just not incorporeal people *grin*).

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Locke1520

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Octavo of Perseverance
Aura faint abjuration and divination; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 7,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This slim leather-bound book bears an ornate stamping of a blue-dyed butterfly on its cover. Inside the volume is an illuminated collection of psalms and blessings common to the worship of Desna, including key excerpts from The Eight Scrolls, scriptures describing the goddess’ early travels. When a worshipper of Desna reading the book is in need of guidance, its pages flutter gently - sometimes turning completely - and select passages shimmer with traces of starlight, particularly those regarding luck and perseverance.

A divine spellcaster who worships Desna may read from the book while preparing her daily spells. This ritual reading grants her a +1 competence bonus on concentration checks until she next prepares spells. She may choose to dismiss this effect early as a free action to gain a moment of providence which allows her to cast divine spells without provoking attacks of opportunity until the end of her turn. Only one spellcaster can benefit from the ritual reading per day. Also, 3 times per day, any follower of Desna may read an inspirational passage aloud as a full round action to grant herself or an ally a +2 luck bonus to a single skill check made to retry a roll that had previously failed. This power does not allow a character to retry an action that cannot normally be tried again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, grace, guidance; Cost 3,600 gp

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
James Raine wrote:
...

Thank you for your feedback (and votes) on my Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage item James.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Charter Superscriber

Here is mine:

Fleshwarping Unguent
Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot see below; Price 140,000 gp; Weight

Description
This foul-smelling ointment was originally created by drow fleshcrafters so that they could experiment with different forms on their subjects before permanently changing them. The fleshwarping unguent molds the flesh of the subject into a different form for 1d10 minutes and grants a bonus, a penalty, a natural attack, or a purely cosmetic effect (applier’s choice) depending on which magic item slot it is applied to:

  • Body or Chest: +2 natural armor bonus.
  • Eyes: darkvision 60 ft. or blindsense 30 ft.
  • Feet: two-hoof or a single tail slam attack.
  • Hands: a single claw, slam, or tentacle attack. (A second application of unguent grants a second natural attack.)
  • Head: bite or gore attack.
  • Neck: waterbreathing or airbreathing.

Other effects from fleshwarping unguent are possible and left to the GM’s discretion.

Creatures immune to polymorph effects, with the construct or undead type, shapechanger subtype, or amorphous special quality are immune to the effects of fleshwarping unguent.

Natural attacks granted by the unguent are treated as specified on Table 3-1: Natural Attacks by Size in the Pathfinder Bestiary. If a subject already has a natural attack, the unguent either transforms it into a different kind of natural attack or increases the attack’s damage by one step (as the Improved Natural Attack feat).

Fleshwarping unguent has minor addictive qualities that cause the subject to crave the sensation of flesh being molded (see Drugs and Addiction in the Gamemastery Guide.

Fleshwarping Addiction: Type drug, contact; Addiction minor; Save Will DC 12 (+1 cumulative per total number of applications of unguent); Effect none; Damage 1d2 Wis damage.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft (alchemy) 10 ranks, baleful polymorph or greater mutagen discovery; Cost 70,000 gp

---
My own critique: I think the cost of the item is off. Going by the straight rules the the cost does calculate out, but with such a high cost the fact the item has an addictive quality could be really problematic. Also, it looks like the items people liked were items for players. I tried to design this item as a cool item for GMs to use for their villains.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Jerry Keyes wrote:

This entry took a little extra reading to understand what you were trying to accomplish, which was (mainly) swapping DR types. Some of your sentences could've been reworded slightly to help, e.g.

BEFORE:
"Etching the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals are metallic runes, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine."

AFTER:
"Metallic runes etch the perimeters of these burnished masterwork cymbals, inlaid with cold iron, silver, or adamantine."

Also, I think you need to make it clearer that the symbols are a mismatched set straight off the bat. This might've helped to set expectations for the reader.

Other phrase changes that might help; rather than say "in the vibration", say "in the area of effect". It's little things that make it easier for the reader to digest and comprehend.

Lastly, you had an uphill battle by making an item that was so Bard specific; narrowing your audience reduces your chances for up votes.

Spoiler:
Thanks, Jerry! Good points on the writing and placement of the sentences. I think an item that's focused on bardic performance kinda has to be bard-specific, and I went down that road willingly.

I struggled with the "how many are there" problem SO much, you have no idea. They need to be sold and priced individually, but they can only be played in groups of two... I'll aim for refining that next time.

Frank Ward wrote:

First, activation, they're just cymbals. Why are they so hard to activate? They are also hard to keep active, requiring a standard action every round.

Second the business with +3 weapons (or higher) no longer overcoming DR seems strange comeing from an item that does just that.

Third, the cymballs (presumably) only work if there are two creatures with different DRs to be in the same fight. If there is only one, you should have bought a special material weapon.

Finally, they cost more then those special material weapons (which you still need because they don't elminate DR, just swap it).

Spoiler:
Thanks, Frank! In brief:

-They're specifically supposed to be tricky to maintain. The cymbals, when used properly, get you past an enemy's DR for a battle, but that's a high effect that needs to be sustained. Plus, they're taking up both your hands: they need a fair amount of concentration.

-Not sure about the rest of your points. In an odd bit of Pathfinder lore, +3 weapons ignore cold iron and silver DR, which renders swapping them with the cymbals kinda moot. But turning off that rule in the area of effect makes weapon materials matter even at higher levels, and as such, makes the cymbals valuable to you. Or they can be used on your own party, to boost DR/silver up to DR/adamantine, and the foe that thought he could just bash past all materials with a +5 weapon no longer can.

-Of course you need a special material weapon. The DR isn't reduced, only bypassed. But if you just have cold iron and your foe is weak to silver, this keeps you from needing silver. I'm not sure why you would need a foe weak to cold iron hanging around.

-Yes, they cost more than the material weapons. That's because they're more powerful than the material weapons.

Thanks to everyone submitting thoughts or comments. I'll dig into the above items with my own opinions later on, when I'm not on the clock! This community is full of rock stars.

Dedicated Voter Season 6

Glove of Saturation
Aura faint evocation; CL 1st
Slot hands; Price 2,000 gp; Weight
Description This single, supple, leather glove has rough plates covering the palm. These plates often show signs of pitting and burns, but they remain sturdy.

As a standard action the wearer of the glove can cause any container of nonmagical liquid, wielded in the gloved hand, to explode forward in a 20’ line. Objects exploded in this fashion are consumed.

If a splash weapon is used with the glove, those in the area take damage equal to the original item (Reflex DC 10 + the wielder’s Strength modifier for half), but it does not produce a splash effect. When holding a filled waterskin, the stream is able to extinguish any nonmagical fires within the area. Unlike with other containers, only the contents of the waterskin are consumed, but not the skin itself. Lastly, the glove can be used with contact poison, without incurring the risk of poisoning the wearer. When used in his way, however, the DC of the poison is reduced by 4.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hydraulic push; Cost 1,000 gp

I saw the spelling error as soon as my item came up the first time. Although I made top 89, I would like to hear what kept me from being part of the 32.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

ulgulanoth wrote:
Amulet of the Grasping Soul

Template: Bold item name and capitalize Craft Wondrous Item. planeshift should have been 2 words and most likely dropped, since incorporeal is not really planar.

Impression Solid rulebook item, but not very Superstar.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Andrew Marlowe wrote:

Octavo of Perseverance

Andrew, I found your writing in your submission to be excellent. I never had to re-read any of the sentences to make sure I understood what you were trying to convey. I like the Golarion flavour and your formatting was flawless.

While your writing skills wow'd me, I felt that the '+' bonuses were generic. To me, a Superstar item should allow a player to do something new rather than just better. Your moment of providence was a step in the right direction for me.

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6

Is there a way to access your item on the site if you didn't keep a copy on your computer?

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Garrick Williams wrote:
Mantle of a Thousand Hands

There were a couple of mechanical issues here that I pretty much ignored after reading the description. The mental image of unmatched hands bolting in and out at odd intervals sold it for me.

It made my top 10. Pair up with a "rules lawyer" and you'll go far.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Porcine Pendant

I liked this one, and I got it a lot. It was one of my favorites, because of how whimsical it was and still useful. It was creative. It was Fey-touched (which for me is awesome!). You had flavor in your writing and it was themed pretty well.

Now, mechanics. What kind of action is it to disconnect the pig? Move? Standard? Full-round?!

How long does it take the pig to waddle 20-ft?

10 round fascination? Seems a little long at the level this item would be found/bought. Maybe not, but I think a difference between combat (X rounds, maybe 5) and non-combat (1 minute) should be broken out in this item. Maybe not as I can't think of a thematic reason of why that would be other than metagame.

You thought ahead and covered how the pig gets back to the necklace...Kudos!

Overall, KEEP YOUR WHIMSICAL NATURE!!! I loved that about this. There is absolutely a place for whimsy in RPGSS. That said, try to combine it with some more mechanically savvy writing. Also, line breaks between paragraphs would help. I can't say if the voting public downplayed this because of the whimsy or because it was too whimsical, but don't lose that flavor and creativity.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Sash of Singularity

Aura moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Waist; Price 35,000 gp; Weight special

Description

A Sash of Singularity is woven from black silk and silver thread and is difficult to look at for too long. The intricate silver patterns of embroidered stars are never in the same place. It is worn wrapped around the waist twice and knotted at the right side. The sash feels unusually heavy when held in the hands but its weight disappears when it is worn.

The sash adds an additional 5,000 lbs of weight that is not felt and does not encumber the wearer.

The wearer is granted a +10 bonus to CMD vs. Trip, Bullush, Overrun and Grapple. The sash grants a +5 bonus to CMB on attempts to Trip, Bullrush, Overrun and Grapple.

While wearing the sash, for purposes of crossing bridges, being carried, etc., the wearer weighs 5,000 lbs plus their own weight.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, reverse gravity, freedom of movement,15,000 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Duskrunner1 wrote:

Name: Fiddle of the Dance

I didn't bother with the formatting this time around.

You didn't format it correctly the first time around either. I voted against this item every single time, since you blatantly disregarded the provided template.

MechanicsAdding additional actions is a good way to mess up certain restrictions place upon abilities to prevent them from being overpowered. I abhor items with skill checks to use.
Cost Adding 5 ft steps without restrictions made the cost too low.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

@James Raine

"Intellectual's Clay Pipe: All it does is a +5 bonus? I would vastly prefer it do something like make knowledge checks untrained. At least that'd be more than just a flat, numeric bonus."

The last sentence specifies that it does allow the knowledge check to be made untrained, but I buried that lead when I shouldn't have. I realized too late that it looked too boring at first.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Here's a bunch I've done on my lunch break. I'm doing them without looking at other comments, so I apologize if I'm repeating things.

Again, these are just my kind of free-form thoughts as I go through each item; I'm aiming a bit more for speed (though what I really need to do is go pay attention to my work).

Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane:

I saw this one a lot; I think I upvoted it most of the time, though not always.

I loved a lot of your initial description (paranoid disposition) and later description about the imp, though the clamminess threw me a little bit.

However, I think you might have gotten a little TOO verbose later on. You write “cannot through means mundane or magical shift from their ensnared position.” I might’ve just said “can’t move.” Maybe you need to expand a LITTLE more than that, but I think it felt a little too purple prose-y there.

I think you also failed a little bit to allow any sort of mechanism to escape the lashes. It feels like a gargantuan creature should be able to do SOMETHING to get free once he’s caught by this thing.

Looking at it, I think the purpose of the item is fairly focused – you’re preventing enemies from moving while giving you the ability to reposition them – but I think the mechanics get a bit … muddled. I needed to read it a few times to figure out what exactly it can do and that it really only lasts for one round, but lets you take a bunch of actions during that round. I also don’t know if twisting the cane to reposition causes attacks of opportunity and what not. Then in addition, I’ve got this imp disappearing as a sort of counter, which sort of adds to the complexity – if a bad guy is using this against my friend, can I do something to knock the imp off to free him?

I think in the end, it just gets lost a little too much in minutiae so that the core focused ability of the item is lost.

It also seems pretty pricey to me. At 78,000 gp, I’m not sure I’m really going to go for an item that lets me hold foes for one round.

Ghoulslayer Gloves:

Jacob 1, I think you just didn’t quite bring the mojo here. This seems like a good, solid book of items entry, but it’s just not enough to really wow.

Ethos Swarm Charm:

Jerry, I think I like the way you write, since this is the second item of yours in a row I’ve liked. I think the problem here is it was just a little too much of an SIAC. No, not spell in a can, but swarm in a can. I think you jazzed it up a bit by linking it to the user’s alignment, but it just wasn’t enough to really elevate it to Superstar.
Additionally, I’m not sure the last power really gave enough oomph to be worth destroying the item. Sure, the swam is more powerful, but if I’m lawful good, I can only transform into the jellyfish swarm and, well, what if I’m not near water. I might’ve instead let it add two templates to the swarm depending on your alignment, like celestial/infernal, etc. etc.

Porcine pendant:

Verdigris, I wasn’t a big fan of this one. I just couldn’t really see it fitting in with a game without breaking my personal suspension of disbelief.

Mechanically, what if the audience makes the save? The pig probably needs stats, in case something wants to attack it. Also, it wasn’t really clear to me was the save for the entire fascination effect or the shifting of the initial stance.

It did make me think of the John Fogerty song, though: “Vanz Kant Danz but he’ll steal your money, watch him gonna rob you blind.”

Siegebreaker Cymbals:

I didn’t see this one during voting at all, I don’t think.

It strikes me (no pun intended) as a bit odd. I was expecting something that would do a swath of damage, a la a horn of blasting. Instead you’ve given me something that messes with damage reduction.

The mechanics also seem a bit odd to me. Do you really need a Perform check to smash cymbals together? I feel like I can do that and I have all the musical talent of … something with no musical talent. I think the judges have also talked about not really using skill checks in Wondrous items, as it makes pricing harder. These immediately become far more valuable for someone higher level with a lot of ranks in that skill than a lower-level character. That said, I thought your presentation of the skill and mechanics was spot on.

I suppose changing a creature’s type of damage reduction is one way to get around it, but it seems like an odd way to me. Similarly, making it so +X weapons no longer overcome that reduction seems an odd mechanic for these to be able to generate. It’s also odd to me that creatures are apparently shaken only if they were affected by the cymbals but then leave the area of affect.

What happens if silence is used in the cymbals? Does that inhibit its power? I think that probably needed to be addressed.

Amulet of the Grasping Soul:

You’ve got some template problems, Ulgulanoth. Your item’s name should be bolded. Also, you’re missing the weight. Finally, feats should be capitalized. It looks like your commas between the spells in the requirement field may all be italicized too (each spell should have its own tags) though I can’t tell for sure. Also, in terms of style, attributes (Strength, Charisma) should be capitalized.

I think you missed out on giving us more of a description, which is where you can really let your writing chops show. Instead, you tell us it’s a white pendant, which doesn’t give us many details, and then just plow straight into the mechanics.

I think the item itself is neat and I like that you deal with some of the nuances of letting incorporeal creatures grab stuff. That said, I think you spend more words talking about how it affects incorporeal creatures, which most of the time will not be PCs. That made me feel like it was a little bit of a plot device item. I also wasn’t sure if this could be put on an incorporeal creature or if it would only work if something was wearing it when it became incorporeal (presumably via some spell).

I saw this a few times and I think I actually up-voted it about half of the time (that’s a rough guess; I really didn’t keep track at all) but for me it came down to feeling like it wasn’t something I’d get all that much use out of as a player.

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ciretose wrote:
Is there a way to access your item on the site if you didn't keep a copy on your computer?

You pleading ask the kind paizo web people if they can find and post it for you - it might cost a beer or unscrupulous acts not mentionable in polite forums depending on their mood though.

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Here's mine. It's got the obvious issue of being gory, and it's a modified SAIC. Both of those issues were intentional choices, but clearly misjudgments in retrospect. Re-reading it now, it could have used a writing polish as well.

Skinthief’s Fetish
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight
Description

This fetish is a small bundle of twigs tied with bark into a crude humanoid shape. The hands and feet are represented by thin razor-sharp sawtoothed rocks.

Once per day the wielder may place the fetish against the flesh of an intact medium or small humanoid corpse which has been dead for no more than one hour and animate the skin of the corpse as a magical creature. The wielder controls the creature and may transfer consciousness into it. The effect will last 10 minutes unless dismissed earlier.

The skin does not retain any abilities of its former self. Instead it has statistics and abilities as detailed by the skinsend spell, with half the wielder’s hit points at the time the item is activated. The skin does retain any cosmetic damage it may have had in death. While possessing the skin the wielder may perform any action he may normally take in his own body.

If the wielder’s body dies while he is possessing the skin, he dies when the effect ends. If the skin dies while the wielder’s consciousness is not inside it, the effect ends. If the wielder’s body or the skin is slain with his consciousness in it, the effect ends and he is instantly killed.

Upon termination the spell the skin crumbles to dust. The corpse remains as a skinless body.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate dead, lesser, skinsend; Cost 1,000 gp

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Regarding the Siegebreaker cymbals

"I'm not sure why you would need a foe weak to cold iron hanging around."

oops my bad. For some reason I thought the cymbals swap the DR with another creature.

In any case the bard spell Versitile Weapon from the APG changes a weapon's material type.

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