Correlon's page

Thank you both for weighing in on this. I would tend toward the interpretation that this particular natural attack must stand alone, or perhaps be a useful attack of opportunity. This also makes the added damage more reasonable - at least until I add a anacondas coils belt to the mix :-)

While two weapon fighting in this way is an intriguing option, the char is a brutal two-hander, so I will avoid that bag of worms.

Cheers!

So, I made myself a mutagen warrior and just got the tentacle discovery at level 7, mostly for the roleplaying fun of it. Nevertheless, the rules text was a little vague, and so I decided to look up errata and discussion. I am now very confused.

To whit:

1) Am I correct when I believe that this "special" tentacle cannot be used in conjunction with weapon attacks at all, but that I can full attack with just the tentacle if I wish?

2) If yes, when i attack with the tentacle, is it secondary or primary with regards to attack/damage bonus and power attack? It is, after all, my only natural attack, even though it is a tentacle. Rules as written seem to indicate primary with 1.5x str to damage, overriding the table for "common natural attacks".

As a gm I would probably not allow a measly arm-length tentacle to rival a two-handed weapon in damage output. However, making the attack secondary seems rather harsh when it has to stand alone. Personally, I would say primary attack with normal damage for a one-handed weapon. Thoughts?

Oh yes, the dark side of heeding #9 is the near total conviction that the item is just not superstar enough. At least it has the merit of lessening the horrid anticipation and anxiety a bit. For me at least.

Denmark. And I'd bet I'm not alone :-)

I am still working through items, but the feedback for my wings has already been fantastic. Thank you to everyone who took the time, every word is taken to heart, and I hope I will be able to return the favor.

Well done indeed, and a truly good idea.

Wings, Resplendent Battle
Aura moderate transmutation, abjuration and evocation [good]; CL 10th
Slot shoulders; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
Made from thousands of mithril feathers on curving darkwood frames, resplendent battle wings arch high and proud above their wearer’s head, and many bear heraldry or lance pennants from Lastwall. Once per day, the wearer may command the wings to emit a burst of radiance in a 30 foot radius, often by shouting a battle cry. Each good ally hit by the burst, including the wearer, gain access to the following bonuses for up to 10 rounds, choosing one bonus to apply each round at the beginning of their turn.

• Ignore difficult terrain when charging, even when mounted.
• Gain a +2 morale bonus to attack and damage rolls, and to saves against fear and charm effects.
• Cast a single spell on an adjacent ally without provoking attacks of opportunity.
• Use the aid another action to allow an adjacent ally to immediately attempt a new saving throw against a mind-affecting effect which initially allowed one.

Ah, so those were yours, eh? Those were some of my favorite items. If I read between the lines right :)

Yes, yes they were. Thank you Cheapy, that warms the ol' heart.I am really looking forward to getting critiqued on these, I had such a good feeling about them. Must have buried the lead pretty deep there.

Anyway, I jury-rigged this tray from all the drinking items lying around in the pile, and I'm pretty sure it delivers whatever poison ya need.

Which reminds me of those glasses which made being drunk a powerfully insightful thing, confirming what all good boozers know: after the 4th beer, the world's problems are for you to solve ;-)

Clark, I think you judges just made around 50 people really happy (since you already revealed a few of them before this).

I agree with the sentiment of the judges on this, it does matter what floated to the top yet still didn't make it. I sense that the debate between superstar for this competition and superstar for the average voter is going to take primacy this year.

I see many things here that I voted on and felt deserved the chance, and many others that I feel we're too gimmicky, poorly executed, or poorly written, yet often voted on anyway because the core idea was cool(er). Perhaps this is also food for thought, for here they all are.

I really hope all of the almosts post up in the critique thread - if they can get in there before me and the crowd, that is :-)

To me this item takes one of the most useful illusion spells I know, mislead, and turn it into something which suddenly makes the whole school much more viable. Brilliant.

Also, congratulations Standback. I too believe you deserve this. Bring the experience, and whip this competition soundly with it!

This is well executed I think, you did good honest work developing this. Useful and cool.

In my opinion, your main obsession (right after AWESOME) with your archetype should be clarity of presentation in the abilities. I detest having to read stuff twice to understand it, and I'm not too bright!

I had an item along these lines in the works this year, a thorny crown-ish thing, but decided it had been done. Boy was I ever wrong. Just goes to show that awesome trumps a crowded field any day.

"Wanders in trailing a pair of broken wings made of an indeterminate metal, then whips out Cayden's Tray of Endless Shots from his funky new Garter."

Right! Who's up for a wee sharp one? I know I need it. Bah. Who needs filigree anyway. Love what you've done with the place by the by.

"Raises shot glass"

Here's to being beaten in style by the best possible folk. Skål!

It's like if the contest said "Remodel this old cathedral, make it awesome!" and instead of designing a stunning new stained-glass window, I went and reinforced the load-bearing walls. :/

Yes. That is exactly how I feel...although I'm sure the critique will find plenty of other flaws past this friday.

This had my vote every time. Perhaps I am colored by currently playing the skulls and shackles ap, but the ship themed stuff really grabbed me. I loved the tricorne too.

I definitely want one of these for my ship!! That said, I couldn't decide whether the ion stone thing was cool or not. Yes it is an interesting way to use them. But it feels slightly "done already".

I always wanted to make an item along these lines. This interpretation is nice, and I would actually like to playetest it las written. How often would you really get to use this? As long as you must make a "dispel" check to make it work, I felt that was enough. I would probably increase the price tag slightly though.

If karma is real, then MAN are you up for a good rest of the year!

I think I may try to shake out the time from my home campaign to try my hand at the blazing 9 this year. Looks like I need it more than I cared to admit.

I have no list, so the names elude me. But...

I had a great moment reading the cloak which allowed halflings to float into the air and become shadowy, sinister and villany - all just to boost their ego! Tons of love.

I also miss the set of acupuncture needles that used the heal skill to do all sorts of cool stuff. The heal skill could use a boost.

I also reserve a special place in my heart for the triple jump sandals I believe it was. Hop, skip, JUMP! So simple and elegant.

Aaahahahahaa, discordant cur, you rascal you. Made me laugh every time.

Hah! When I saw this during voting, I remember thinking "this just might be the batrachian helm of 2013". I loved it!
Wish I had such intuition on my own items ;-)

This choice of top 32 surprised me. While the effect is useful, I personally felt that the execution hadn't been thought through. I think this item more than any other helps to teach me my main lesson of this year: that the creative idea is far more important than the execution, especially to the judges.

Well done, and congratulations!

I remember thinking "wow" about this item during voting, and I am not surprised that it made it. The name and effects are cool and thematic, and I could easily envision having this in my campaign, although I would definitely include a duration for the leaves.

It seems this competition has a real thing for mysterious fey-themed stuff :-)

Congratulations class of 2013!
Way to beat the toughest field yet!

4!

magic 12!

Sorry i'm late!

Hmm. This countdown just might feel more than a little masochistic after the reveal...

13!

14!

Sitting here surrounded by rulebooks, empty mugs, and a slew of browser-tabs, it suddenly dawns on me what I feel makes this contest truly great.

Sure the chance of winning is awesome and the sense of participation is wonderful. Yet to me it is the thought of the hundreds upon hundreds of other gamers out there, each engrossed in the act of creating something new that thousands of others may come to enjoy, this is what really brings the beauty. If this contest has a heart, I believe it is the community it builds. If it has a soul, it is surely the imagination and creativity that it sparks in all of us.

I know this has been said many times before, but it bears repeating: Superstar or also-ran, I am darned proud to be a part of this!

Not sure. I believe my item is much stronger this year, but as always happens my confidence in it wanes as judgement day grows near.

I am still excited - I know because I am in here constantly - but I am oddly ready to just accept my feedback and try again.

I am glad the voting panned out well! Thank you Clark for the extra insight, it really eases the wait.

Actually, I remember thinking several times during the process that it was a good thing my votes were just one voice among many. There were quite a few pairings which seemed a simple matter of taste to me. Good luck to everyone!

I saw my item twice, and voted for it both times.

In truth I would have to have been up against something truly epically cool to vote against my own item, simply because I truly feel that it deserves the Top 32. That said, I will freely admit that there were 2-3 items that I do feel would have been more deserving if the pairing came.

Hope this does not come across as conceited - as others have said, once the template is mostly out of the way, it becomes much harder to compare different ideas, making one's own item an easy vote ;-)

Works great on the pad though

I think many of the past Top 32's tread the edges of this fine line between superstar and over-the-top, with examples of both extremes just making it by what seems the narrowest of margins. I don't think we will ever be able to say for sure where that line goes.

In fact, and this is said with the utmost respect for the experience, opinions, and hard work of all the judges through the years, I believe that "crowdsourcing" round 1 may help in "leveling out" certain subjective and circumstantial biases that might otherwise creep in as the judges review item no. 3,302 while suffering from sleep deprivation and a natural tendency to be fed up with all the rubbish they must have read at that point.

Allowing the judges to focus only on the averaged cream of the crop must, imho, allow for much more thorough and unbiased judgement, as far as this goes. We are all human, after all. Apart from Mr. Spicer, who seems to be part typewriter ;-)

*snip*... assuming you don't try to power through them in a caffeine-fueled frenzy.

This. I need the rest of the month for my archetypes!

S'funny, for all the horrid stuff you can read on this forum, I still have a feeling this round is never going to be a pushover. In many ways the public voting is a blessing - makes the wait slightly easier to endure to have something to do!

I am assuming it would be fair game to design an archetype for a specific race, as in the Advanced Race Guide?

Humble apologies.

I did not mean to cause any offence.

Oh come now Anthony, the man smiled :-)

Don't dis his sense of humor, I'm fairly sure all the judges have it in abundance, or they would have gone mad long ago. And besides, since you and I both know our items rock this year, they'll be in the forgiving corner soon enough eh? :-P

Print all top-32 items ever made onto playing cards and duke it out in an old-style card vs. card game.

Judge A: Clockwork Conscience for 22,000 gp!

Judge B: Pahhahahahaaa, eat my Feywhisper Crown for 60,400 gp!! And you voted for it :-p

I've already ditched two items and am debating between two more (or making other ones) for my entry this year. Second-guessing oneself is rough.

Wow do I ever know what you mean. This is my second time, and the process is excruciating. Its like all the ideas you've had all year have suddenly begun to smell, and the only remedy is to come up with an entirely new batch that MUST be far more awesome than ever before. Submitting will have me in a cold sweat when it comes. Heck, most real job interviews never did this to me!

Actually I find that much of the pain comes from never knowing for absolute certain, in spite of all the googling, reading and research, whether your idea has already been done.

Best of luck to everyone who participates!

Congratulations Sam! Good show I say.

And to everyone who contributed anything this year, thank you and well done, especially the other top 3. I hope to see everyone back next year for yet another grueling round of top-notch gaming fun :-)

Congratulations to the top 16! Well done, hope you're all ready for more.

And to all the top 32 who didn't make it: You already made it. You're all heroes and role-models for years to come in my book, your entries read and re-read for that spark of genius. Slip into your deserved comfy break-chairs, sip a drink, and join us in putting the pressure on the poor contestants!

Oh and: See You Next Year!

Flame Spinner (Bard) by Correlon

good flavor ... fire follows her like a stalker's eyes(just had too).

Quote:

Heh, I hear ya. Thankfully Paizo is quite happy drawing beautiful women :-)

Spark the Blaze (Ex): overpowered, skill checks exchanged for damage

Quote:

Oh how I fiddled with this one. Just felt wrong to delay it. I admit the stacking potential is there, but at least the bard is not a front line fighter.

Dance of Flames (Ex): overpowered, 2 feats for an ability that equal 1 feat

Quote:

Perhaps I should make the player choose or the other permanently. Frankly, I am not sure about the ability to feat ratio on this one when considering the Arcane Duelist archetype.

Ember Weave (Ex): hmm, undecided, maybe limit to just fire spells

Quote:

*quickly chalks that one up as a victory*

Hungry Flames (Su) overpowered, removing a bardic performance for an unlimited usage damage ability

Quote:

This was a last-minute-change snafu. I did not mean to exchange a performance for an ability, I don't even know if it is allowed. Nevertheless, imho catching on fire is pretty weak, rules wise, especially at 6th level.

Bardic Performance: A flame spinner gains the following types of bardic performance.

Fan the Inferno (Su): overpowered, more potential damage than the healing lost and catching on fire

Quote:

I was working under the, perhaps erroneous, impression that damage always trumped healing of equal level. Besides, three rounds is a long time in combat.

Sunfire (Su): Great, fits well with theme and cool besides

Thank you for taking the time, you've been quite busy in this thread. I am curious to know whether you liked the concept, however. The mechanics are just adjustable nuts and bolts to me. And many thanks for the kind words on my flavor! I would tend to agree that she is a bit over-powered combat wise, but then, almost the entire skill-set thing is gone, apart from versatile. And the burning weapon damage doesn't scale. And catching on fire is moot once monsters eat DC 15 for breakfast. I'll playtest her the cool way: against my PC's ;-)

Thanks again, I'll try to return the favor as soon as I find the time.

So, to the incredible sound of Neil "98 cents" Spicer going through wondrous item entries in the critique thread at 1½ answers per minute in the background, I decided to revisit this thread before going back for more: my feedback is in! Rather than comment in-depth there, I decided to do it here.

With this, my solidifying ideas of "already seeing" my main flaws have been thoroughly shattered. None of my personal points of critique were even mentioned. That'll teach me. It better, because I now realize just how lazy and half-assed this entry must have seemed.

Interestingly, and in an odd way reassuringly, several points concerned stuff I remember worrying about in the design phase, yet didn't have the chutzpah or knowledge to do right, and I think that insight is important. If something doesn't feel right, then you don't know enough. Go research until you do, or find another way. This is doubly so for round 2 I think, and shows in the incredible variety of quality and design choices in both the top 32 and unofficial entries, my own included.

As with so many other contests looking for "talent", RPGSS is really looking for designers who are willing and able to do the hard work that constitutes 90% of turning great ideas (the 10%) into superstar material. It is amazing how easy it is to forget this, even as one laughs at the hopeless cases in American Idol for thinking they ever stood a chance. You cannot sing like a superstar if you don't take the lessons and work the talent. You cannot design like a pro if you simply assume you know how instead of writing and failing your heart out until you actually do. /rant

Grab that opportunity to learn folks. And to quote a personal idol of mine, "Write with joy - you can do this." (Holly Lisle).

Glove of the Crustacean[/b]

*...This also appears to be one of our international friends with the "." instead of "," in the numerical price and cost values. They need to break that habit if they're going to write for Paizo.

I am SO grateful the comments were not MIAC and boring item. I would probably never have noticed the "," and "." thing. Consider the habit broken, and my thanks to the relevant judge for even mentioning the work prospect ;-)

Thank you so much for doing this feedback Neil, and I promise this Dane will be back with a mechanically sound vengeance next year.

Reading through this for the third time, I can't help but feel that this is a theme-specific nerf of the paladin. While the theme is solid, this is not an archetype I would choose instead of simply customizing my paladin through feats and background.

Your flavor text got my hopes up that this would be the kind of grim I-do-what-is-necessary kind of paladin I have been waiting for in PF. Inquisitor inches in on this territory, but the flavor of a paladin who sees death as natural and necessary Kelemvor-style is still unique and cool to me.

The mechanics let me down quite a bit. Nevertheless, you have my vote for your round 1 item, and for your continued ability to give me cool ideas, something many of the more well-rounded archetypes here do not. Good luck!

I can't help but agree with disordah.

I know it’s tempting to search for that spark; but, I think that will present itself after you have found a group of competitors with the knowledge and skills to properly display that innovation when it arrives.

I think next year might be better served if there was a theme involved, if archetypes were first round, or even if the inclusion of team entries were considered. We need something that more clearly displays the use of language, structure of thought, and use of creativity.

I think wondrous item creation is just a bit too blind of a yardstick to get the kind of quality we are all striving for.

I heartily disagree. As has been stated many times by various judges and insiders, and I tend to agree, creative spark is hard to develop, technical ability often less so.

Wondrous items are reasonably hard to be creative with due to the sheer amount of them already out there, but the possibilities are in effect endless. Also, like spells perhaps, most gamers understand what wondrous items are and have tried their hand at making them. They can also be done with relatively few words, and judged by fairly well-established criteria. I shudder with pity at the amount of words judges would have to read if archetypes were round 1 next year.

Teamwork competitions would open up a potentially huge legal can of worms for Paizo, and carry a substantial risk of losing winners to team-breakup, having to deal with the issues of many people in the creative process of developing the adventure, etc.

The current system works, and have worked for years. I see no reason to change it.

HARBINGER (CLERIC)

Flavor: I find the idea and flavor behind this archetype very evocative, full of awesome imagery. I can definitely picture this. The name is cool.

Mechanics: Okay let me see if I understand this correctly. This guy can make a 30-foot-radius field of swarm damage as a standard action. The way you've worded it makes it sound like he has to spend a standard action every round to re-activate it, but I'm not sure that is what you meant. I also believe the effect takes place at the end of the harbingers turn, unless you meant after his movement, which would be unorthodox.

At low levels, this ability is a quick spark with some crowd control, and then the cleric is left with spells and weapons. Later, this crowd control could become a big deal. Let's look at a 6th level harbinger with Wis 17 facing CR 6 monsters:

For up to 6 rounds, which is often most of an encounter, every enemy suffers 2d6 untyped damage out of a typical 70, which can amount to about 42 damage on average. Meh. The nausea DC is 10 + 3 HD + 3 Wis = 16. The average monster with a good fortitude save will have about a 75% chance of making this, while poor saves are around 50%. Along with the ability to extend nausea, a particular opponent can be locked down for two more rounds once he fails a save, which is probably guaranteed death.

The main drawbacks I see are the zillion saves it forces the GM to make, the fact that an encounter can effectively be cut in slightly less than half by nauseated opponents, and the huge lockdown potential on otherwise scary spellcaster villains. With the assumption that the numbers above hold reasonably into the late levels, the potential for lockdown increases dramatically, but this doesn't have to be the case. This is either quite weak due to a short duration and low damage or fundamentally broken due to secondary effects.

All in all, I'm on the fence with this. I'd love to see this playtested.

Writing and Presentation: Your flavor text is good, but the extra flavor text for the conduit is redundant. You need to tighten up your mechanical terms slightly. The move thing and confusing first line of conduit would probably prickle Mr. Spicer, I'm guessing, as might the fact that you reiterate that the aura is supernatural in the text.

The template is well followed, and the word count tight. Your writing skills are above average as far as I can judge (English is not my first language). Most of your mechanics are clear and concise.

I am looking forward to competing with you next year :-)

Flame Spinner (Bard) (445 words)
Few things captivate and terrify like fire, and none wield fire like a flame spinner. Whether she is hypnotizing an audience with poi and fan or spinning across a battlefield with blazing steel, fire follows her like a lover’s caress.
Spark the Blaze (Ex): At 1st level, a flame spinner may set up to two held weapons ablaze as a standard action, adding 1 point of fire damage to each attack. She may do this once per day per flame spinner level. Weapons burn for 5 minutes or until they leave the flame spinner’s hands, shedding light as a torch. This ability replaces bardic knowledge.
Dance of Flames (Ex): At 2nd level, a flame spinner wielding two light weapons while wearing light or no armor is treated as having the Two-Weapon Fighting feat. If she wields a single spiked chain, she is instead treated as having the Weapon Finesse feat. This ability replaces well-versed.
Ember Weave (Ex): At 4th level, a flame spinner may cast spells with somatic components while wielding burning weapons or poi in both hands. This ability replaces lore master.
Hungry Flames (Su) At 6th level, a foe taking fire damage from the flame spinner’s attacks must make a Reflex save (DC 10 + ½ the flame spinner’s level + the flame spinner’s Cha modifier) for each hit or catch on fire (see the Core Rulebook p. 444). This ability replaces suggestion.

Bardic Performance: A flame spinner gains the following types of bardic performance.
Fan the Inferno (Su): A flame spinner of 12th level or higher can use her performance to create a conflagration of flame. This ability requires four rounds of continuous performance. On the fourth round, all creatures within 30 feet take 1d6 points of fire damage per two levels of the flame spinner, and catch on fire unless they make a Reflex save (DC 10 + ½ the flame spinner’s level + the flame spinner’s Cha modifier) for half damage. This ability replaces soothing performance.
Sunfire (Su): At 20th level, a flame spinner may use her performance to cause one burning target to flare into white-hot incandescence, inflicting 20d6 points of fire damage and permanent blindness. This extinguishes the target. The flame spinner must have a line of sight to the target and remain within 30 feet for 1 full round of performance before sunfire takes effect. While the performance lasts the target cannot stop burning, even if doused in water. The target receives a Reflex save (DC 10 + ½ the flame spinner’s level + the flame spinner’s Cha modifier) to halve the damage and negate blindness. This ability replaces deadly performance.

Well done! The coherency of this archetype is one of the best I've seen, and you score high on the innovation scale in my book.

I can also easily see the roleplaying applications...although in my campaigns these guys would definitely be villains ;-)

You got the vote.

I love the idea behind this archetype. I have to agree that the word paladin came to mind for me as well, both in flavor and abilities. Making this archetype a true cavalier through extraordinary rather than supernatural abilities would have been awesome, and I will probably have to go off and make my own version of this at some point.

You have my vote for inspiring me, but I hope you will give Mr. Reynold's comment on strange implementation serious thought and put it to shame in later rounds. Sorry if that came across as patronizing in any way, but I really want to read your adventure proposal!

Am I the only one whose mind screamed RAMBO when reading the flavor text? I love the choice of ranger for this over rogue, and can see all sorts of directions in which to take this. You, Sir, have inspired me greatly!

That said, I don't entirely agree with the application you chose, probably because you had a different stereotype in mind. I love the traps, but would have liked to see something along the lines of making use of stuff occuring naturally in the favored terrain to lower costs.

Sunder doesn't make sense to me, although I do see the destruction aspect. Why not an ability that allow him to bring the rest of the party in on the sneaky saboteur action?

As it stands, I'm not keen on this archetype, but see lots and lots of potential.