Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

151 to 200 of 824 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Star Voter Season 6

Fan, Dragonscale
Aura faint (minor) or moderate (major or greater) abjuration and evocation; CL 3rd (minor), 7th (major), or 11th (greater)
Slot —; Price 14,000 gp (minor), 40,000 gp (major), 70,000 gp (greater); Weight 1 lb.
Description
This exotic yet harmless-looking fan enables the wielder to both harness and deflect the elemental energy of the dragon from whose scales the fan was created.

Twice per day, with a quick flick of the wrist, a dragonscale fan can be waved as a move action to create a 15 ft. instantaneous cone-shaped burst of one particular type of energy (see below). Creatures in the affected area take energy damage according to the strength of the fan. A minor dragonscale fan deals 1d6 points of energy damage. A major dragonscale fan deals 3d6 points of energy damage. A greater dragonscale fan deals 5d6 points of energy damage. A successful Reflex save results in half damage (DC 13 minor, DC 16 major, or DC 19 greater).

When grasped firmly in hand, a dragonscale fan protects the wielder from damage from one particular type of energy (see below). A minor dragonscale fan grants energy resistance 10. A major dragonscale fan grants energy resistance 20. A greater dragonscale fan grants energy resistance 30.

The type of energy damage and resistance granted by a dragonscale fan depend upon the color of the dragon whose scales were used in its creation:

  • black, green, or copper: acid.
  • blue or bronze: electricity.
  • brass, gold, or red: fire.
  • silver or white: cold.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, Quicken Spell, burning hands, resist energy; Cost 7,000 gp (minor), 20,000 gp (major), 35,000 gp (greater)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Feros wrote:
Hunter's Geas

Aura The divination aura should overpower the abjuration aura since it comes from a higher level spell.

Impression: Geas seems to have nothing to do with the effects of the item. Also you should have to be within sight to declare the target to prevent metagaming.
Mechanics: "saving throws against attacks" should be reworded to "saving throws against abilities"

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Time's Tide Pendant

It's a cool item that I voted for often in the early voting period. You have great descriptive abilities. You also tackled a hated and often not well done subject (time manipulation) with a degree of success.

"Inside, a dull coppery metal dust ignores gravity," That part irked me for a reason. The reason being, I wanted the word "resides" to be in there. "Inside resides a dull coppery metal dust that ignores gravity," would have just felt better. I kept asking...what is it doing inside?!??

I don't have much negative to say about this item. It's a tough subject to sell to the populace, which I think is what did you in. You handled the subject pretty well, but knee-jerk reactions probably kept people from voting for it.

Overall, it is cool and it shows you have chops to be able to hit time manipulation without causing me to feel ill. Other than tailoring your next entry to be more for the populace...I can't say much.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Jerry Keyes wrote:
Jerett Schaufele wrote:

Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

There were several things that I liked about this entry, the name, most of the template use (other than 'slotless'), and how you considered lots of different situations. But I couldn't figure out what this item was good for. At 45k, I need to have a clear idea of why I would want this. Sure, I might use some creativity to figure out a use, but then I have to ask why someone went to the trouble of making it.

Also, what happens to the bodies? Do faceless people just bump around aimlessly while their faces travel about? Sorry, this was creative, but left too many open questions for me.

Thank you very much Jerry. Those were valid comments. I'm afraid many people didn't easily see the utility in the item and that was perhaps its biggest downfall.

Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Time's Tide Pendant
Ah crap, I just have to do this one tonight. In studying it and trying to figure out why I voted it down more often than up I've learned something rather important about magic item design and I have to try and share.

Remember Gamers 2:Dorkness Rising? The battle with the goblins was done in initiative order, with everyone standing still until their turn came up. It was ridiculous looking (and funny!) What your item is missing isn't a cool mechanic (it works very well from my perspective). What it is missing is a cool image. The mechanics in any RPG are there to simulate a visual image. They are there to support the action, not be the action. Initiative is the order in which the opportunity to attack past the opponent's defenses comes up for each person in the battle. Think about what changing initiative order would look like not in the game, but in a real battle. You have people perceptively slowing down and suddenly speeding up. This could be described in a really cool way. You didn't describe it at all.

That may be a key secret to what otherwise seem like spells-in-a-can getting through: They describe a cool image, then provide a mechanical basis for putting that in the game. With that, your item may have done a lot better. I posted in another thread that what I have learned from the Top 32 announcement was how important imagery was to this contest. Now I think I see why that is. Thank you for this item, motteditor. It is a solid magic item and it has helped me see something new in design.


Hand wraps of Flesh and Stone
Aura strong transmutation abjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Only the famed weasel familiars of the Balak-shalam Collegium can safely card and weave the cockatrice feathers and disenchanter fur in the meticulous ratios required. Rightfully sought for their artistic mastery of blues and greens, activation reveals its true luster as iridescent sheens coruscate along its12 foot length.
These narrow prayer cloths are wound about each hand and draped between with loose ends trailing and fluttering nigh the ground. The wraps confer two abilities, which may be freely chosen:
The touch of stone: the power of petrification. Each melee touch attack requires a DC 18 Fortitude save. The first failed save by each opponent in a round causes 1d4 of dexterity damage as the victim’s body hardens to stone. Successful saves (or subsequent touch attacks in a round) deal 1 point of dexterity damage. For each point of dexterity lost, the recipient gains 1 DR.
The touch of the beast: the power of disenchantment. Each touch has the ability to exactly reverse the power of petrification (the first successful touch removes 1d4 points of petrification, subsequent touches in a round remove 1 point etc.). However the wraps also have the ability to drain magic. Every magical effect on the recipient may be dispelled with a caster level check once the number of touches equals the spell level.
The wraps, however, are not without cost, for each application whether of beast or stone requires the bearer to save likewise. Finally, due the whirling loops of fabric, any attack roll of a natural 1 causes the user to be entangled, requiring a move action to escape. A second natural 1 while entangled causes the user to be firmly trussed, requiring either an escape artist check (DC 15) or a full round action.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, break enchantment, calcific touch ; Cost 14,000 gp

Not sure if this was completely the correct version; the version submitted was exactly 299 words.

My Criticisms:

First, the item is fairly subtle. It has three distinct uses: Granting DR to a monk, (at the cost of Dex Penalties).
Dispelling effects over time, and finally, of course, increasing a monk (or other) effectiveness by way of a touch attack.

Disenchanter fur drains magic as per the bestiary - so it would remove any magical protections against petrification. But weasils are naturally immune to cockatrices.

But of course - weasils do not weave. Except that a Magic user's familiar has the intelligence and the dexterity to weave. And the only place that would happen in large numbers would be a mage collegium.

In retrospect - too many words and not enough flash to catch attention I figure.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

1 person marked this as a favorite.
theheadkase wrote:

Intellectual's Clay Pipe - 78 Words

You only needed 78 words, including template, to describe your item. That's a red flag right there. There wasn't anything wrong with your item (other than a minor template oops), it just didn't do anything that Superstar items are supposed to do. I could see this in a generic book somewhere, and it would get used regularly, but it's vanilla in a double-chocolate fudge brownie contest.

Keep the ideas flowing and come back next year with a 200 word item.


Flask of Raging Waters
Aura Moderate Evocation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1.0 lb.

Description
These items appear as ordinary flasks embossed with aquatic symbols.
When unstoppered the liquid within flows out and hovers in a wreath around the wielder (releasing liquid from the flask is a standard action). While the liquid from the flask is active it can attack in the manner of a whip or tentacle. This watery tendril can attack any target within a 20’ radius of the flask’s wielder without penalty and without invoking an attack of opportunity. The number of attacks, BAB, ability bonuses, and feats are made as if the water was a light melee weapon with which the wielder was proficient. In order to use the water as a weapon the wielder simulates the attack he wishes the water to make in the air. The liquid does 2d6 of lethal or non-lethal damage as desired without penalty. Further, if the wielder chooses to fight defensively or use total defense in addition to the standard penalties and bonuses they gain a shield bonus of +2 or +4 to AC respectively. The liquid in the flask can be used any number of rounds. However if the flask wielder chooses to take actions that do not involve using the liquid (spellcasting, using a different weapon, etc.) for more than three consecutive rounds the liquid crashes to the ground and cannot be reactivated. However the flask functions normally again once it is refilled. When the wielder wishes to stop using the liquid under his control he can will it to return to the flask as a move action.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create water, spiritual weapon; Cost16,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

Okay, feedback! I am going to get a little harsh sometimes, but I will do my best to be constructive all across the board. Here we go!

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

My review:

First impression is that the name sounds like it should be a creature, not an item.

Also, I voted for this item, but I still didn't like it that much. Is the need to make diplomacy checks against creatures that can't understand you that great? Further, I don't think I'd ever kiss someone wearing a big devil mask - maybe it'd happen at a masquerade, but still possibly not. That made it feel a lot more restrictive than it really is.
The being able to suffocate a target is kinda neat, but all the mechanics for dislodging the goop were too much.

You had a good description, and I didn't notice any formatting errors. I like the use of a less-used rule like suffocating, but it's not really exciting enough as it is, I think.

Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane

My review:

I didn't see your item while voting, and unfortunately I probably wouldn't have voted for it.

Your first problem is the description. As I understand it, you're supposed to grab a miniature, animated and flailing devil and... always hold it like that. That sounds like it would be annoying, and I'm only in the first sentance. Then, the imp on the cane causes magical ribbons to shoot out and bind four targets (of effectively any size)- I see no connecion between a cane or an imp and ribbons that dimensionally bind a target in place by the way, so it feels disjointed.

I also don't understand twisting the cane to move a target in a clear straight line... the wording there is really (sorry to say) bad. You also imply that the holder then gets a bunch of actions... on his target's turns. That's not normal, and at the end of the round, the effect is over.

Four targets immobilized (and maybe moved) for one round does not cost 78k.

The first thing you need to work on is matching flavor to effect. Those ribbons caught me, as a reader, by surprise. You also need to keep an eye on your wording, and action economy. Lots of work to do, bro, sorry.

Ghoulslayer Gloves

My review:

So... it's an unlimited use reach metamagic rod for cure spells only, and it forces undead to fail their save. Honestly, it's not interesting. It's a lot cheaper than a rod, though both the positives (any level) and negatives (cure spells only) kinda balance out, meaning it's probably very underpriced. Even more so when you negate the save, which is insanely powerful. 4d8+20 damage no save is really powerful, if you're going to be casting cure critical wounds at high level. Maybe not as powerful as channeling, but for the price? wow.

Basically, it's not a bad idea, but your balance is *way* off.

Ethos Swarm Charm

My review:
Immediately, I see that you have a list in your item, which is worrying. Not just that it's got twelve bestiary links in it, but it makes me think you're unfocused, and I haven't even read more than the title.

slot should be --, not none.

Then, we look at the swarms themselves, and they vary greatly in power - I see CR4 and CR2 swarms both in there, which means the item will be worth more to different alignments - and you later call it out as lasting one round per level, which means it becomes more valuable as you go up in level, too.

Destroying it to get a beefed up effect is kinda neat, but the problem lays in the restriction by alignment. And the fact that a jellyfish swarm will die on land - it's aquatic. So you didn't seem to do your research.

So, a few take-away lessons. First, focus tighter. Second, don't base abilities on users - the occasional skill check is the furthest it should be, otherwise it should be entirely self enclosed.

Porcine Pendant

My review:
Porcine, eh? So, in relation to pigs, an item that generally makes people think fat, lazy, dirty and delicious? Not the best image to invoke.

And then it's a magical, dancing pig. You do know fey-touched is a real template, right? It implies you should have combat stats for the pig, which is weird anyways. It feels a bit too silly for this competition. Golarion doesn't normally do dancing polka-dot pigs.

And ultimately, it's just a can for a charm person - and while we've seen that it could be superstar, you have to have a great can, and this isn't it.

Finally, your construction requirement should be "creator must have X ranks in Craft (jewelery), so what you have is wrong in a bunch of ways, and shows you don't know the rules very well or aren't careful.

Siegebreaker Cymbals

My review:
I remember seeing these items, and voting against them. There were a few reasons.

First is that they only function if you have two, but all your costs are for one, which means you have to kinda double the listed price. That's bad form. It's also very specific. You can turn DR [material] into DR [other material] for one round - or more by spending bardic music charges. The second part is neat, the first part suggests you're too lazy to carry around silversheen.

And then they lose their magical charge for one hour. that's not the way magic items work, it's "once per hour". This implies they become nonmagical items (and all the weaknesses that applies).

You have other abilities too, but I'm stopping here. Your item is WAY too complicated. Reign in your power nex year. changing a monsters DR is not a bad idea, but you overburdened the core idea way too much.

Amulet of the Grasping Soul

My review:
I immediately notice the price at 80,000 and worry. This is above the limit most PCs would spend on an item not specifically tailored to their character, so you cut down your audience severely.

And then it's just a fancy version of ghost-touch abilities. Fighting incorporeal targets is a big problem for some characters, but by the time you could afford this at all, they're not as problematic because lots of parties can just plane shift over to the ethereal, beat the ghost up, and shift back.

If this were lower cost, and reigned in a little, it might be cool. At this price point, it's not worth it at all.

Candle of Distant Assurance

My review:
I recognize this item I think from the judges talking about it. It's neat. In fact, very neat. I agree with your design decision to make it so much cheaper than pure mechanics would dictate, but I think your problem is the lack of cool.

I could absolutely see this in a book of magic items or something, but in a list of the best and coolest items, you didn't quite get there. Still, this is an extremely good attempt.

!Sorry to call you out, but this one here contains an important lesson.
Fiddle of the Dance

My review:

I immediately see your format is wrong. Perhaps even wrong enough to get you disqualified, though I don't recall if being in the right format is something for that. It's certainly wrong in enough ways to show you didn't read the rules, or previous competitions, or perhaps even the core rulebook.

In fact, I don't even want to review your item. No voter or judge would put forward someone who clearly didn't care enough to follow the rules of the competition. But, I will anyways.

Your name doesn't really say what the item does. It allows allies to spider...dance. Forever, technically - all you say is once they stop moving they lose the ability. You need to tighten up your writing and mechanics too, but first, FIRST you need to go and read the rules.

And yes, I can see that you say "I didn't bother with formatting this time around", but I don't care, you should work in the same format you're going to submit in, so you have a copy of your final submission. Presented as-is, you have no proof that you didn't submit it the first time exactly like this, and without proof (a-la a copy of what you actually submitted) this becomes your final work. Just like if you sent somethign to a publisher and the email failed.

Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage

My review:

Okay, it's the ability to steal a target's face. Not a bad premise, but... that's literally all it does. Steal the target's face, and the mechanics of the item are all about what it's like to have your face in one place, and body in another. Not really that interesting.

Especially for the price. It's really expensive for something that feels like it could be a second or third level spell.

So, basically, your item doesn't really feel fantastic enough for me, and the price is way too high for the utility.

theheadkase, your pipe is next, but I'm signing off for the night.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

x93edwards wrote:
Garter of Hidden Fortune

CL: It makes no sense for such a high caster level.

Wording: Handy haversack should have been handy haversack.
Why "to display a cryptic message, words of wisdom, or 25% of the time, the command words"? Stick to one firm description of an items appearance.
Why does it "begin to blink, become invisible"? Adding the blink gains nothing since it could not be seen to blink while invisible.
"As a swift action, the wearer can instantaneously rearrange the ribbons, gems and lace of the garter to create (or replace) a message of up to 25 words in one language the wearer knows." This ability makes no sense as for the item.
Why would being able to read give a morale bonus? The item doesn't specify it must be read to gain the bonus.
You should add a spell to allow the garter to transfer to another creature.
Impression: I didn't really like this item, as it seemed disjointed and did not flow well.


Herremann the Wise wrote:

Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane

Aura strong evocation; At the start of the holder’s next turn, or if the holder prematurely unpins the cane or fails to maintain contact, the cane absorbs the desperately objecting imp and ends all magical effects (possibly causing falling damage).

The holder can only activate a gentleman’s ensnaring cane while the unabsorbed imp remains atop. If absorbed, the indignant imp sullenly reforms atop the bare cane at midnight.

FWIW, I think the idea of a magical cane or walking stick is very cool and something worth exploring.

I thought the description text was pretty good too (though IMO mithril is over used as a material in most descriptions). I kind of liked the idea of what the cane did too.

That said I thought the description of the mechanics was rocky. I also would have preferred a physical to a dimensional anchor effect.

Hope that helps you next year.

Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Aura The divination aura should overpower the abjuration aura since it comes from a higher level spell.

Impression: Geas seems to have nothing to do with the effects of the item. Also you should have to be within sight to declare the target to prevent metagaming.
Mechanics: "saving throws against attacks" should be reworded to "saving throws against abilities"

Thanks for the input Thomas! Aura has to do with caster level in magic items instead of spell level, so that would be the same regardless of the spell levels involved.

You're spot on about the name. I made the item so that it would be useless once targeted against anyone other than the intended subject. I felt that by making it glued to one being it sort of directed the party or individual using the item to a specific path. Sort of like a geas, but not really. Haven't figured out a better name yet, but one is coming.

I don't see it as metagaming in that it is designed to hunt down one individual, and cannot be "reattuned" (forgive the use of the attuned thing please) until that individual is caught. Nondetection would still work on this item, so I don't think it could be used in too abusive a manner, but I see where you are coming from there, and will give it some thought.

As for the mechanics point...spot on. Thanks. I missed that one.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Marie Small wrote:
Ointment of Last Sight

Impression: I like this item and saved it off for my home game. The problem is that it's a plot device item.

Requirements: clairaudience/clairvoyance a better spell could have been selected.


CouncilofFools wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

I voted against this item for the following reasons:

1. Essentially a save or die attack, on a save most characters don't have, based on a melee touch attack. Too powerful.

The fact that it also is a get out of grapple free card compounds it.

2. Even the non combat bonuses - ability to diplo creatures that can't understand you is strong. More than two steps is very strong.

3. So overall, this item gave huge benefits that I would have priced higher than 20,000.

I thought it violated to many rules at too low a cost to be good design.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Perfect Tommy wrote:

[b]Hand wraps of Flesh and Stone[b]

Perfect Tommy,

My suggestion on future submissions is to be careful with using too many adjectives or uncommon words in the same sentence (such as your first two sentences). While they may be contextually correct, too many of them in a row actually make it harder to read.

Sovereign Court Star Voter Season 6

theheadkase wrote:

Fiddle of the Dance

I liked that the item did exactly what it's name implies. I especially liked the imagery caused by the "dances across the ceiling" bit. Made me think of Fred Astaire.

Template's already been brought up, so I won't comment on it other than to say I can't critique it if it's not the same as what was submitted.

Your first sentence...I like that it is elven made, I don't like starting a sentence with "Of". Maybe that's a relic of an English class I had, but it just jars me.

Anyone can play this with a DC 15 perform check...is that allowed untrained? I'm just asking, since I'm not overly familiar with the Perform check rules.

"True Function"...yeah you know the thoughts on this already.

I like the 2nd 5-foot step...but I would probably say it is a free action as opposed to "an extra swift" action. I assume you want it to not cost an actual swift action so I think free action would accomplish that without raising the questions about cost.

My other gripe, is the fact that allies can't do anything but take a Move action while under the item's influence. I mean...that makes it pretty not useful for the PC's.

Also, when a bard uses it, do allies also get the extra 5-foot step benefit?

Overall, I liked the imagery. I didn't so much like the mechanics. Concentrate on incorporating evocative language with solid rules-fu and you will be in the Top 32!

Thank you Headkase,

I'll have to remember the "Of" for next time. I was trying to avoid the standard "This, These, and The" to start the description. Good news is there is now a year to wordsmith the beginning.

I was struggling with the type of action to place it as. You are correct that I didn't want it to cost anything that a character would get normally. A free action wasn't providing enough for me in its description, whereas a Swift action seemed more fitting. Also I didn't want the fiddle player, during the surprise round, to grant the extra step to those who are surprised.

With the second aspect I didn't want the Fiddle to be a combat item , but a movement over obstacles item. Hopefully that makes more sense. As such I did want the "dancers" to have to concentrate on their footing without spelling it out.

Yes, the extra 5-foot step occurs regardless of whom uses it, just not with the second aspect.

With hindsight (glorious thing that) I should have dropped the extra-5 ft step, switched it to the DC 15 check for all, and focused in on the second half with standard action types instead of restrictions. The imagery I have of this is a standard sailor playing a ditty while swashbuckling types are up in the rigging 'dancing' with the fighting (Errol Flynn-esk).

Clouds Without Water wrote:
Fiddle of the Dance - Voted for it occasionally. Best part is dancing on walls and ceilings. Maybe cut everything else and focus on making that part shine. Didn't like that no other action can be taken, that seems like it's asking for a lot of trouble in some situations. Also, what if the ally is unwilling?

Thank you Clouds. If the Ally is unwilling they can do whatever they want. It doesn't force you to dance.


CouncilofFools wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued DevilThis silver masquerade mask is adorned with black feathers rumored to be of erinyes origin.

Once per day, the wearer may attempt a touch attack as a standard action while grappled or kissing a creature within one size category of her. A successful touch attack ejects a viscous, silver substance from the wearer’s mouth into the target’s mouth and throat, occluding his airway and causing the target creature to begin suffocating (see Pathfinder RPG Core Rulebook, page 445). A DC 20 heal check will dislodge the substance and a successful dispel magic will cause the silver substance to dissolve. Regardless, the substance dissolves 10 minutes after being created.

I like the idea of mask items, I liked the idea of a kiss attack with a mask, I liked the use of erinyes feathers. I didn't like a mask as an aid to diplomacy, and I didn't like the description of how diplomacy was impacted. I also didn't think the mechanics of the attack where clear or related to diplomacy (I think an item needs to kind of stick with a theme.

Also I think referencing page numbers is a mistake.

I hope that helps you next year - Interesting item.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Orator's Torc

First of all, I only saw this item once and it happened to be paired against one of my favorite items that made the Top 32, Gorum's Stompers. So I down voted this item.

I like it though. I really do. It is concise and written well. It has some good effects.

You are right, though, it is a little boring and just doesn't have the pizzazz the voting public was probably looking for. I liked the 2 heads in conversation description.

Overall, this was a short review. I don't have much negative to say about this. Keep up the good work, review the Top 32 to see what made them "pop" to everyone.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Jacob Trier wrote:
Tabard of Cunning Tactics

Cost: Due to the situations required to use most of the items abilities, I think the cost should have been lower.

Impression: I really liked the flavour and first ability. How is the attack resolved after the switch on the second ability?

Marathon Voter Season 6

Gloves of the Confident Smith
Aura faint divination and enchantment; CL 3rd
Slothands; Price 630 gp; Weight
Description
These thick, leather ironsmith’s gloves cover the wearer’s hands and forearms nearly to the elbow. Whenever the wearer succeeds on a skill check, he may choose to have the gloves become charged, granting a +2 competence bonus on future checks for the same skill. Only one skill at a time may be enhanced in this way, and the charge lasts until released. Once per day, the wearer may choose to release the charge as an immediate action to reroll a single skill check of the chosen type. He must accept the results of the second roll, even if they are worse. Once the charge is released, the gloves cannot be charged again until the following day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, timely inspiration, toilsome chant, inspire competence ability; Cost 315 gp

I'm thinking it's a little bit bland to be superstar, and it's probably under-priced.

Silver Crusade RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Zahir ibn Mahmoud ibn Jothan

So, here is my camping item, yep, camping item, I said it!

Dawnflower Ankh
Aura moderate abjuration, conjuration, and necromancy; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 1800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description This ankh-shaped figurine is made of clear crystal and is filled with holy water. When the ankh is buried in the sands of the desert (or other ground, but not solid rock), the water immediately leaches out into the ground causing a spring of cool pure water to flow up from the ground at a rate of 1 gallon per minute for the next 24 hours. The spring emanates an affect similar to endure elements in a 10’ radius, but a creature that leaves the 10’ radius loses the affect after 10 minutes. The ankh can be dug up early, but this ends both affects and the ankh will be empty. Alternately, when channeling positive energy, a character can present the ankh with their holy symbol (or as their holy symbol for followers of Sarenrae) and increase the amount of damage dealt to undead creatures by +2d6. This also increases the amount of damage healed by living creatures. Using the ankh in this fashion drains the waters from within. The ankh can be used as a flask of holy water, but the act of breaking it destroys the magic of the ankh. The ankh can be refilled by submersing it for 1 hour in the waters at the Everlight Oasis (or Ourzid-Mah as it is called), or in a gallon of holy water (which is expended in the effort).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bless water, create water, endure elements, creator must be a 5th level cleric of Sarenrae; Cost 900 gp


Thunderbuckets wrote:

Any comments or thoughts are very much appreciated. Thanks, folks!

Siegebreaker Cymbals.

Saves don't scale with skills. Becomes unsaveable at mid to high levels.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Correlon wrote:

Wings, Resplendent Battle

Your template use looks great to me, and I enjoyed reading this item, especially the crucial opening line. But this thing needs to be scaled back. It just does too much and to too many people.

I can see a real headache for the GM and players as they go around the table deciding and re-deciding what power each is going to take for ten rounds.

Give us another flavorful item next year and keep the power in check, so we can see you in the top 32.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Jerry Keyes wrote:
theheadkase wrote:

Intellectual's Clay Pipe - 78 Words

You only needed 78 words, including template, to describe your item. That's a red flag right there. There wasn't anything wrong with your item (other than a minor template oops), it just didn't do anything that Superstar items are supposed to do. I could see this in a generic book somewhere, and it would get used regularly, but it's vanilla in a double-chocolate fudge brownie contest.

Keep the ideas flowing and come back next year with a 200 word item.

Thanks Jerry, I actually chuckled and almost guffawed at the "vanilla in a double-chocolate fudge brownie contest."!

I agree completely as well. It was waaaaay too boring. Even though my favorite ice cream flavor IS vanilla.


Tamago wrote:
Candle of Distant ...

I voted for this item, however I think it suffers for being an NPC / plot twist item rather than a PC item. And for a PC still too expensive for what its worth to your character.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Kyrand wrote:
Chalice of Communal Dweomer

Impression: This item received alot of votes from me as it allowed something to be done not normally allowed. I think more descriptive text would have improved the item. I liked the splitting of targets, but maybe making each ally drink from the chalice would have fit the imagery in my head better.

Star Voter Season 6

Coridan wrote:

Skein Helm

I like this concept! The idea of an adventuring party turning into a gaggle of geese and flying off is neat. Combining it with knowing their direction is clever and thematically appropriate. However, as for this contest, it does seem a bit like two-spells-in-a-can, which may have been the major problem with my own item, the dragonscale fan. Using overland flight seems a bit redundant since beast shape grants flight. Also, since you went with overland flight, I'm curious why the duration is 9 hours, since overland flight mentions that you can cover 64 miles in 8 hours. Plus, I haven't done the math, but at a glance it seems underpriced for an item that can beast shape six individuals for nine whole hours every single day. Still, with some tinkering, I could see using it in my own games and enjoying it. Go skein helm! :)


Jerett Schaufele wrote:

.

Handkerchief of the Scoured Visage.

Voted for this item. In principle this is close to a necklace of adaptation; I liked the additional features, but would not buy due to the additional cost.

Liked the flavor, and the edge cases.

Minor nitpick - should probably have had additional aura.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

N. Edward Lange wrote:
Vest of Mongrelkind

This item made my personal Top 32 list. Your second write-up is better. I'm not quite sure about the cost, but I think it is fine as is.


theheadkase wrote:

Intellectual's Clay Pipe - 78 Words

Item is essentially a +5 bonus. No interesting language, no interesting mechanic. No mojo.

Minor nitpick: There is nothing that helps maintain believability. If you want to say that the smoker can make a knowledge check he normally would not be able to do - make the tobacco grown from the field of dead sages.

Otherwise it just looks like mechanics.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Time's Tide Pendant

Jacob, your template use and writing are spot on in my book. The problem I had with this item centers around the meta-game feeling of Initiative. Initiative itself is a necessary evil. It is just a way to bring order to chaos and manipulating it ruins the flow of combat. My players would drive me nuts with this.

Trying to add creative aspects to initiative was a noble effort, but better to focus your obvious talent elsewhere.

Scarab Sages Marathon Voter Season 6

Paint of Discerning Demise
Aura strong divination; CL 13th
Slot -; Price 9,100 gp Weight -
Description
This small clay jar of colorless fluid becomes a shifting prismatic paint whenever a pinch of powdered bone or a few drops of blood from corpse are added. Dipping a brush into the paint allows the user to enter a trance and begin to recreate the scene that led to the corpse’s demise, painting on whatever surface is available. It takes one hour to successfully complete the painting, after which time the artist makes a Craft (painting) check. Using a canvas confers a +5 competence bonus while painting on an uneven stone floor or wall is a -5 penalty. A DC 10 Craft (painting) check is needed to recreate basic details of the last moment of the corpse’s life. If the corpse was killed by a trap, a scene of the victim’s demise is depicted, revealing the trap’s location. If the dead body was killed by a visible creature, the size and shape of the killer in the act of delivering the final blow is created. If the painter succeeds on a DC 20 Craft (painting) check, the details of the killer’s appearance are accurate enough to be able to identify the person, if known, or to be used as a likeness for the purpose of establishing a connection for use in scrying. An invisible killer is depicted as a faint outline of the body. A see invisibility spell, or similar effect, cast while looking at the painting will reveal the killers details as if he were visible. There is enough paint for one use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Blood biography, Vision, creator must have 2 ranks in Craft (painting) skill; Cost 4,550 gp

Star Voter Season 6

Feybone of the Eternal Singularity
Aura strong conjuration CL 12th
Slot _ ; Price 96,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
Strange runes surrounded by intricate fey scrimshaw cover the surface of this ensorcelled bone of a First World creature. The Feybone grants the wearer the ability to access a region of the First World where an intense and enduring stationary singularity resides. Upon activation, the waves of the singularity buffet the region around the Feybone diminishing the uncertainty associated with events occurring in the Feybone’s vicinity.

As a standard action, the wearer can activate the Feybone once per day by squeezing the Feybone firmly. During the next round, all ability checks, attack rolls, saving throws and skill checks performed by creatures, both friendly and hostile, within 30 feet of the Feybone are determined by rolling three times and dividing the sum of three natural results of these rolls by three. Bonuses and other roll adjustments are applied to the result as if produced by normal roll. At the conclusion of the round, the Feybone cannot be activated for 24 hours.

Actions impacting roll results operate as intended but within the confines of the stability-enhanced area. For example, if a Witch grants a creature within the Feybone’s area of effect with Fortune then the creature may reroll as the hex allows but both the original roll result and the second roll result must be determined pursuant to the methodology described above.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gate, fey bone fragment; Skill Craft (scrimshaw) DC 25; Cost 48,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Impression: I didn't really like this item, as it seemed disjointed and did not flow well.

That's a fair opinion, thanks for commenting.

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Why does it "begin to blink, become invisible"? Adding the blink gains nothing since it could not be seen to blink while invisible.

The idea behind blink was for a situation where the user was physically frisked, in which case 50% of the time, the searcher would not be able to discover the item.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

a few more. someone stop me if I'm taking up too much space in too short a time.

candle of distant assurance I can't stand the name. I think you were better off at lifelight. If you can avoid the word "of" in a magic item or adventure I think you should. The idea itself is pretty neat. Unfortunately, I think most gamers have a tendency to upvote an active combat item over a passive fluff item. Not to say it doesn't have good in-game application. Knowing it snuffs out if the subject pops to a different plane, wondering whether the kidnapped princess is still breathing? Need to reserve a lok of hair for a divination spell? It's got theme and emotional mojo. I might have placed it in my own top 32 if I'd kept one. But it is very very passive. And passive don't score baskets.

fiddle of the dance You say you didn't bother formatting this time, meaning for review. I want to challenge readers not to do that. If it's worth your time to post it and someone else's time to help you out with a critique, why not send it exactly as the voters saw it. Frex: did you put the lines separating Construction from the rest of the item? Cause that will displease people who expected you to ust follow the template provided. If we don't see an item as it was presented, we can't help with formatting issues. I don't like the phrase "as an extra swift action. Do they get an extra 5' move as a swift action? Do they get an extra swift action to take a 5' step? Have we clearly defined whether you can take two 5' steps in the same round? Can you take a 5' step even if you took a move action? The descriptive writing is pretty good, but then the rules description needs work. Make the 30' requirement a natural part of the description instead of an extra clunky sentence. Eliminate the phrase "true function is revealed." and just give it an extra benefit if played by a bard. "If a fiddle of the dance is played by a bard of at least 5th level, this movement defies gravity, enabling the player's allies to dance up walss and across ceilings as if under a spider climb effect. In the hands of great tacticians, this item is super powerful, so the price might be a little low. Give me a bard to control the battle firled and a group of people who amp their reach and flanking mechanics, and 84oo gold is a steal for this baby.

handkerchief of the scoured visage Again, a long name that doesn't really excite me. Avoid [noun] of the [adjective] [noun] names unless they are really descriptive and exciting. Even then, cumbersome names better be near perfect in design to not get overlooked. The last leaves of the autumn dryad are an exception to the principle, not an example of it. Also, I don't like language like "this nondescript item belies its true value". A TON of items had that same suggestion in them this year. Just describe a soiled rag. Maybe say it's often first found with bits of makeup or dead skin caught in its folds. The fewer words to describe a simple item the better. This item has neat imagery, but could have been so much more in execution. Imagine you'd chosen to allow someone to impersonate the deceased perfectly by transferring their face and voice to themselves. WIthout that, it becomes a little bit of a disjointed SAK. The target corpse can't be identified by facial features. Okay, neat but not superstar. Then as long as you have the victim's face, you can't suffocate. Why? And why transfer the target's "ability to vocalize" into the handkerchief if you aren't going to let someone use dead dude's voice? Do you expect this rag to defeat speak with dead? Better say so specifically. If I want to target an unwilling living creature, do I need to succeed in a grapple in addition to their Will save? Your idea is fun and useful - and a little gonzo creepy - but it raises a lot of questions.

intellectual's clay pipe There were about 500 items that only provided bonuses to a specific skill and had no other effect. This one does not particularly stand out, except that severl voters complained in the early going that some items seemed directly ripped from movie scenes. I thought of this, immediately went to Gandalf smoking while lost in Moria, and started thinking it was derivative. Maybe it wasn't, but there's the lesson. An item needs a lot of careful thought to be superstar. Even when I thought I'd done a good job with the quicksand cloak and thought of most of the angles, experienced players asked a lot of tough questions. Some of those q uestions you ask yourself should be thematic instead of mechanical. Has everyone seen this thing before? What does it evoke? WIll players want one for themselves? Formatting is decent, except you should not capitalize the spell requirements, and you should italicize them.

PERSONAL NOTE: You have given a lot of contestants great reviews and support and I love seeing folks so involved in the contest. Appreciate you sportsmanship and enthusiasm.

resplendent battle wings I would never split up a name like that for alpabetizing. People will remember the name of an item (this name is pretty cool, but raises the bar high, by the way) and look it up accordingly. No great scene in a combat ever included someone saying "Maybe it's under W for wings". Next, I wonder if people turned against your wings once they realized you couldn't fly with them. Their description and theme is pretty cool, and it escapes being a SiaC by changing th benefits available from blessing of fervor. But really? They don't let you fly? They risk being considered a SAK when you get to the self-sacrifice part, too. Everything fits the theme, but the item does a couple of loosely connected things and then doesn't do the one thing you'd assume from the title.

time's tide pendant I love time oracles. There were a few timey wimey objects and I never saw the one that made the top 32. When I saw this one, I struggled to understand what I'd get out of the first ability besides just going twice in a row. If that's it, it's not great design because it allows one player to take over a combat and their friends stop contributing. I think the one thing a player wants more than to receive another buff spell or channel heal is to get to their turn so they can swing. Similarly, I think that manipulating where a person falls on initiative count is not compelling - they still only get one action, and they can hold, delay or refocus without spending gold on a magic item. Maybe a better use would be to allow someone to hold or delay without resetting their initiative for the rest of combat.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

Any constructive criticism appreciated, thanks! (and Yes, the name is absolutely terrible)

Cloud of Gray
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 21,600 gp; Weight -- 

Description

Hovering above the head of its owner, the cloud of gray shifts constantly, rolling and tumbling with an inner turbulence. Drops of rain, flakes of snow, and shards of ice slip from it, rarely a little flicker of light illuminates its depths.

Once per day, on command, the owner can send the cloud to unleash a storm that rages for a single minute. The small cloud, normally 5 feet in diameter, races to a target within 600 feet and expands into a force of nature that blankets the area in a 60 foot radius. The owner chooses the type of storm; monsoon, hail, or snow.

Monsoon: Torrential rains and swirling winds batter the area, extinguishing all fires and turning roads into mud. Flying creatures suffer a -4 penalty to fly checks and small flying creatures in the area are grounded.

Hail: Large balls of ice bombard the area. Creatures caught without shelter in the hail storm must make a DC 15 Fortitude save or take 1d2 non-lethal damage per round. Terrain takes on the icy condition, hampering movement and creating a hazard.

Snow: A blizzard of thick, fluffy flakes smothers the landscape and completely blocks vision. Any creatures in the area gain total concealment for the duration of the storm.

A gust of wind dissipates the cloud of gray, it takes 24 hours for the cloud to reform.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sleet storm; Cost 10,800 gp


Joseph Wilson wrote:

Orator's Torc

Mechanically its a +5 bonus.

It doesn't address any interesting needs in the game. Finally, diplomacy is overly represented in the game - and widely disregarded by players and GMs.

GMs don't want players to bypass encounters - and players (often) don't want to bypass encounters..

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

Joseph Wilson wrote:

Orator’s Torc

What a shame you waited so long to enter, who knows, you could've been Superstar by now. The only thing holding this entry back is it feels utilitarian. Nothing wrong with that per se, but the more exciting entries will edge it out.

Try to come up with something a little more exciting next year, and apply the same skill you showed this year.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

Let's see how we go...

Matryoshka of the Planar Cadre
Aura moderate varied; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

This 4-inch high jewel-encrusted abysium statuette opens to reveal a series of progressively smaller, nested monstrous figurines within. Three times per day, the bearer can use the matryoshka of the planar cadre as an additional spell focus component for a summon monster or summon nature’s ally spell. When summoning monsters from a lower level list, using the matryoshka of the planar cadre summons one extra creature, and all summoned creatures gain one teamwork feat of the caster’s choice as a bonus feat. This teamwork feat must be the same for all creatures.

In addition, one summoned creature receives the giant creature template and one receives the young creature template. If more than two creatures are summoned, the remainder do not receive a creature template.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, enlarge person, reduce person, summon monster I or summon nature’s ally I, telepathic bond; Cost 16,000 gp


Doug Bailey wrote:

Feybone of the Eternal Singularity

During the next round, all ability checks, attack rolls, saving throws and skill checks performed by creatures, both friendly and hostile, within 30 feet of the Feybone are determined by rolling three times and dividing the sum of three natural results of these rolls by three. Bonuses and other roll adjustments are applied to the result as if produced by normal roll. At the conclusion of the round, the Feybone cannot be activated for 24 hours.

The item's imagery was solid, though the writing could have been a bit tighter. What kills it for me is this part right here. You wrote what's quoted up there, but this is what I'm reading:

"When this item is activated, your game will immediately slow to a crawl."

There's enough dice-rolling and math involved in the game as it is. Having to wait while people roll and average three times as many dice isn't fun.

One also has to ask whether it would be more economical to buy items or use spells that simply add bonuses for rounds or sometimes minutes, instead of dropping nearly 100k to do this for a single round.

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

I welcome public comments and critiques of my item, and would love to see the judges' take on it:

Mantle of The Flesh Bound Soul
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot chest; Price 127,500 gp; Weight -
Description
This raiment is crafted from a silver astral cord studded with hundreds of fragments of a ghost touch diamond set in patterns reminiscent of holy symbols. When worn by a living creature, the wearer’s soul is bound to his corporeal body, allowing him to remain alive as long as at least a portion of his body remains.

The wearer is immune to death effects, energy drain, and spells which separate the soul from the body, such as magic jar or astral projection. Additionally, he does not die from hit point or Constitution loss. When the wearer’s hit points are reduced to a negative amount equal to or greater than his Constitution score, or his Constitution score drops to 0, he enters a state of unconscious stasis, regardless of any other abilities or effects that would allow him to remain conscious. In this state, he may benefit from magical healing and his body does not age or decay, but is still subject to further hit point damage if attacked and does not heal naturally. The mantle may not be removed from his body while he is in stasis. The mantle has hardness 20 and 15 hit points. If it is destroyed, or its effects suppressed, while the wearer is in stasis, he dies. Once his hit points are raised above the negative amount equal to his Constitution score and his Constitution score is raised to at least 1, he leaves the stasis and functions normally.

The mantle does not grant any benefit to creatures without Constitution scores or to incorporeal creatures.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, resurrection; Cost 63,750 gp

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6

Relativity Torc
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot neck; Price 92,400 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
Several materials from Darkwood to Mithral seamlessly transition into one another in this unique, but largely undecorated torc. Small globes of lead and gold adorn the ends, signifying the transmutational nature of magic.

A spellcaster who prepares spells may, as a move action, sacrifice a prepared spell to add the level of the sacrificed spell to the caster level of the next spell she casts.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mage's lucubration, creator must have 10 ranks in Spellcraft; Cost 46,200 gp

Note**
So I would really love some detailed and hard nosed critique. As a copywrighter I am used to taking careful care of word count, and in hindsight I think that perhaps I was a little too sparse. Please give me as much detail as you feel comfortable with and PM me if you have any really juicy personal jabs ;)

Sovereign Court Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

OK< not sure how many of these I will be able to do, but I will be tackling them in groups of 3 (to allow me to actually do work as well):

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil
Pros This was one of the items that grew on me during the voting. I have no issue with Diplomacy items (no more so than any other skill boosting item) and the touch attack made perfect sense (except the kissing part … it’s a mask, so that seemed a bit off), but …

Cons The benefit for the successful Diplomacy roll is nice, but means a PC can shift a target from Hostile to Helpful on one roll (which is currently possible with GM discretion if the GM thinks it is warranted). For a PC with a focus on CHA and Diplomacy, this could be ripe for abuse. A limit of 1 additional step in attitude would help mitigate that (though Hostile to Friendly would still be possible).

Not to be nitpicking, but skills are capitalized in item description.

Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane
Pros I really liked the flavor of this item. The snaring capability is quite nice as well.

Cons The repositioning. Typically this would require the maintaining of a grapple and, in order to move a target 100 feet, a success by more than 495 above the target CMD would be needed (up to 4 times). Additionally, in order for the movement to provoke an AoO, it would have to be the equivalent of the Greater Reposition feat, so you are talking about a 1 round use of two feats against up to 4 targets (I would have expected at least the Improved Reposition feat in the Requirements section). With these items in mind, the price, while pretty high currently, is actually a little low.

Ghoulslayer Gloves
Pros My cleric would love these. A lot.

Cons Lack of a Will save. For a spontaneous healer in something like the Carrion Crown AP, this has the potential to being a game breaker. A bonus to the DC required for the Will save would mitigate it.


Bombadil wrote:

.

Cloud of Gray

Minor nitpicks:

Voted for this item occasionally. Large Radius, long range. Didn't cover the question of its effects on arrows. Strongest effects are the environmental effects on spell casters (concentration checks) and concealment. Yet they seemed.. after thoughts.

Sleet Storm seems insufficient as a precursor. Control weather, perhaps?

Star Voter Season 6

Jeff Lee wrote:

The item's imagery was solid, though the writing could have been a bit tighter. What kills it for me is this part right here. You wrote what's quoted up there, but this is what I'm reading:

"When this item is activated, your game will immediately slow to a crawl."

There's enough dice-rolling and math involved in the game as it is. Having to wait while people roll and average three times as many dice isn't fun.

One also has to ask whether it would be more economical to buy items or use spells that simply add bonuses for rounds or sometimes minutes, instead of dropping nearly 100k to do this for a single round.

Thanks for taking the time to provide feedback. I agree the item will make that round a mathfest and possibly tedious. I also concede the item might have limited appeal. The item could prove useful though in certain situations where fumbles rolled by you or your allies could be disastrous or high rolls by your opponents (e.g., you are faced with a Vorpal weapon) could be disastrous.

In full disclosure, I got home for work on the day submissions were due and decided I would submit something and dreamed this item up in about 45 minutes. What I have resolved this year is to come up with an item each month for the entire year and then submit the best of the bunch! :)

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka JoelF847

I can't believe I had a typo in the name of my item - it SHOULD have been the Spellcycle Medallion, but alas it wound up being the...

Sepllcycle Medallion
Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 14,000 gp; Weight
Description
The obsidian obverse of this medallion features an image of a spellcaster unraveling a spell, while the ivory reverse shows a spellcaster casting a spell. Three times per day, the wearer can dismiss a dismissible spell or spell like ability they previously cast as a move action, rather than a standard action. The spell is not dispelled, but is suppressed as if in an antimagic field. At any time during the remaining original duration of the spell, as a standard action, the wearer can reactivate the dismissed spell, which acts in all ways as if they had cast it again, in the same location, except that the spell ends when the original spell duration would have expired.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dispel magic, mnemonic enhancer; Cost 7,000 gp

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka SmiloDan

Bracers of Daring Exploits

Aura moderate abjuration; CL 9th
Slot wrists; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description

These bronze armbands are often inscribed with images of rampant tigers.

These bracers protect the wearer when performing perilous deeds in combat. Prior to taking an action that may provoke an attack of opportunity, the wearer can activate these bracers as a swift action, granting the wearer a +10 bonus to AC and CMD against all attacks of opportunity provoked by that action. This bonus also applies against any confirmation rolls made to confirm a critical hit if an attack of opportunity is a critical threat.

Construction

Requirements[b] Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, shield or shield of faith; [b]Cost 4,000 gp

designer notes:

I thought this item would be useful for any character in the party. For tanks, it would protect the from AoOs when making combat maneuvers they lack the Improved feat in. For skirmishers, it would protect them from AoOs when moving through threatened spaces. For spellcasters, it would protect them from AoOs when casting non-defensively. For archers, it would protect them from AoOs for using ranged weapons while threatened in melee. It would also protect characters from getting up when prone, picking up a dropped item, or performing some other deed that requires concentration, such as picking a lock or stabilizing a fallen comrade. It could also be used tactically: the wearer might intentionally provoke an AoO so an ally could engage in a risky endeavor without worrying about provoking an AoO herself.

It provides a strong protection against a single action that provokes AoOs, but only once per round, so if the wearer were to perform multiple actions that provoke AoOs, he would only be protected against the consequences of one such action. The +10 bonus was selected because it is significant, but not overwhelmingly so; originally I was considering a +20 bonus, but realized that was too much. It is also very easy to add +10 to the wearer’s existent AC, touch AC, flat-footed AC, flat-footed touch AC, CMD, and/or flat-footed CMD. One of the main reasons it is an untyped bonus is because it stacks with everything, thus making its application easy to use in play. Its swift action activation gives non-spellcasters an opportunity to use swift actions, a component of action economy often denied non-spellcasters.

Pricing is always a challenge. I wanted it to be accessible at relatively low levels, and still be more than a useful trinket at higher levels. I wanted it to be priced competitively against other AC boosting items, like bracers of armor, amulets of natural armor, and rings of protection. I think its usefulness scales very well over all levels.

Overall, I thought this item would lead to more dynamic combat encounters.


Flyer777 wrote:

Relativity Torc

I play casters pretty exclusively; usually prepared casters. But I voted against this item every time. Wayyyyy tooo powerful.

You are allowing casters to cast quickened distintegrates with up to +9 on the DCs .. and while the dc plus might vary, to do so many times per day.

I didn't understand why darkwood and mithral. Minor nitpick - if its not an artifact it isn't unique.

Spellslingers (banned) have to give up a swift action - and half their schools.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Cyrad

RonarsCorruption wrote:

My item:

Motive Capacitor

I remember seeing this. I had to read it several times to grasp what Motive Capacitor did. It does many complicated things with little elaboration, which makes it feel like it has no focus. I would have loved if the item had fewer functions with more descriptions for each one.

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Ghoulslayer Gloves

This was one of my favorites. I think the entry could have been worded more elegantly with a bit more detail about the appearance of the item. For some reason, I pictured it as a pair of oven mitts that smite zombies. Maybe a better item name? The alliteration makes it sound cheesy.

CouncilofFools wrote:

Chelish Silver-Tongued Devil

Other people already touched on the fact that this does many powerful things for a very low cost. It basically gives you permanent Tongues (3rd or 4th level spell), doubles the effectiveness of Diplomacy, and grants a powerful assassination ability all for the cost of a +1 weapon. Players would make grappling characters just to abuse this item.

Aside from that, I personally dislike how it can be used as both the perfect Diplomacy item and the perfect assassination item -- two totally different aspects. If this was your goal, I would have replaced the Diplomacy thing with an ability that worked only with the assassination aspect.

Jerry Keyes wrote:
Garrick Williams wrote:
Mantle of a Thousand Hands

There were a couple of mechanical issues here that I pretty much ignored after reading the description. The mental image of unmatched hands bolting in and out at odd intervals sold it for me.

It made my top 10. Pair up with a "rules lawyer" and you'll go far.

Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for your feedback. I should have made the mechanics with Sleight of Hand a bit more streamlined.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

James Raine wrote:
First Light

Requirements: I would have added Heighten Spell.

Impression: I liked this item, even moreso if it was darkness instead of light... My only complaint was the short recharge time combined with the blindness which could effectively remove an opponent's effectiveness.

151 to 200 of 824 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Archive / Paizo / RPG Superstar™ / General Discussion / Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.