Alchemist's Vest
*Weakest name ever. (It's right up there with the monk's robe)
*Multi-storage item.
*Bypassing or reducing the action economy.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Also, agree. Reject.
*Rejected.
Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
|
Aberrant Splints
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot wrist or feet; see below; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This pair of splints is crafted from the leathered hide of a choker stretched and sewn over the rib bones of a grindalow. They may be slid into place over the forearms or calves, stretching as needed.
When worn over the forearms, they transform the wearer’s arms and hands into elongated, rubbery appendages. This increases the wearer’s reach by 5’.
When placed over the calves, they mutate the wearer’s feet into tentacled masses. This makes the wearer immune to trip and grants him a +5 bonus to CMD against bull rush attempts.
Either use of the aberrant splints is disturbing to witness, and the wearer takes a -2 penalty to Charisma-based checks and skills.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, enlarge person, spider climb; Cost 9000 gp
Sandals of the Scorched Path
*You get an extra point of fire damage. A longstrider SIAC. And annoying continual flame footprints wherever you go, which the GM has to track separately for an hour long duration.
*I'm not really a fan. And is the item really the sandals of the scorched path if their footprints don't create any heat?
*Vote to Reject.
*Yeah, I'm not getting this theme. Why would your burning boots make you move faster? Why would your burning boots make you better at fire spells?
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Okay. That brings us to the end of Page 5. Just over 60 items to go (for now--I'm sure more will come in).
I'll call it quits for tonight and pick things up tomorrow morning. After the Round 2 deadline hits, however, I'll be turning my attention away from this thread and back to Top 32 (plus alternates) until I can square away all my commentary for the next round.
Sandals of the Scorched Path*Yeah, I'm not getting this theme. Why would your burning boots make you move faster?
Because someone was a fan of The Greatest American Hero when they were a kid. Next up, Salvage One!! :-)
Edit: Well, at least I'm second on the next page. Not that I'm waiting with any sort of morbid, ghastly anxiety or anything ...
Hey Neil, all, I'd like to see the comments for my Chronicler's Quill whenever you get the chance. No rush of course, you've all been crazy busy this whole time.
I tried to play it too safe - was going more for the "something you'd think would already exist" angle and ended up getting way too close to modern tech with it. I'd post the whole item but I'm on convalescent leave and it's on my work pc, if you need more then the title I'd be happy to wait until i get back on my feet and can post the whole thing here. Thanks for your time!
|
First time submitting: please advise of any points I may have missed, et cetera.
Torc of the Ghoul Lord
Aura strong necromancy and moderate abjuration; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 175,000 gp; Weight 0.5 lbs.
Description
Deathly cold, blood-red copper join the eighteen knucklebones harvested from a ghoul. Fitted around the neck, the torc sits with a slight constrictive feeling… as if the creature were still in control of its strangling hands!
The torc grants the wearer immunity to all supernatural, spell, and spell-like forms of ghoul touch, ghoul fever, and the ghast’s stench ability.
Additionally, when the torc is placed on a ghoul or ghast, the creature becomes a thrall of the individual that placed the torc upon the creature (if it fails a DC 19 Will save). The creature will not willingly remove the torc, and obeys the individual as if under a control undead spell.
Any outside control method attempted to be applied will cause the outside control caster to perform a caster level check (with a -2 penalty) that must meet or exceed the current controller’s level. The owner of the torc may spend a full round action to resume control over the ghoul/ghast thrall, thereby dispelling the outside influence.
While on a ghast or ghoul, the creature receives the “advanced” creature template.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, control undead, undeath ward; Cost 87,500 gp
Bow Sheath of the Exotic Hunt*To me, this is a cheesy weapon item masquerading as a wondrous item. It's meant for the power-gamer to be able to quickly discern a creature's DR weakness (at range) and then communicate that to his companions so they'll more easily win a battle.
Rough, but that's okay, I'm glad to get some feedback. Would this have been better received as, perhaps, some kind of dust or similar one use item that *only* helped to reveal the special material component of a creature's DR? (Some kind of fantastical allergen test, perhaps?) I originally wanted the item to just deal with special materials but I decided it wasn't useful enough so I added alignments while making it take up a relatively important slot.
*It's also basically a SAK of any DR-ignoring special material you need. I just don't find that compelling or innovative. It's not wise design with an eye towards game balance. It's more of an arms race kind of item.
While I know that the "rules" (design suggestions) originally posted for this contest clearly stated that the items already in books clearly break these rules, I find myself confused by this particular assessment. Considering you can get the Scabbard of vigor for twice the cost which, when used with a +3 bonus or +4 gives you more of the DR bypass capabilities AND +3 or +4 to hit and damage, I don't understand the argument. This item only allows you to bypass part of most creature's DR, so I don't understand how this specific ability of the item is unbalanced. Any chance of getting an elaboration here? I know (now) the judges didn't like the ability to recognize DR (especially at range) so I'm mulling that over separately.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
|
I know I'll have to wait a bit with Round 2 judging going on. Thank you in advance.
Ponderous Pebble
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 150 gp; Weight -
Description
This small, black pebble has faintly etched runes covered with a slightly tacky sheen of glue that never dries out. With the impact of a successful ranged touch attack, the glue strengthens considerably and the pebble adheres to any solid surface for 2d4+1 rounds. While the adhesive is active, the stone can be removed as a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Immediately upon impact, the pebble becomes incredibly dense and applies encumbrance effects if the total carried load increases to medium or heavy. In addition, the sudden balance adjustment forces the target to make a DC 15 Acrobatics check or fall prone. While in this state, the pebble weighs 300 pounds, after which it crumbles to a fine, near-weightless dust that blows away in the faintest breeze.
The alchemical adhesive is so strong that it will adhere underwater if it can be delivered with sufficient force, but an application of universal solvent dissolves it immediately.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, levitate; Cost 75 gp
Here's mine, as I said I'd do. I'm betting it walks too close to SIAC/SAK territory without enough "cool." I also noticed, after submitting of course, that I did not state what kind of transformation. I cut a lot of words to "streamline" the submission after first writing it up. Now I'm thinking that was a bad idea. ;)
Pendant of Phoenix Ashes
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 130,000 gp; Weight - lbs.Description
Once per day the wearer transforms into a Medium phoenix by speaking the command word. This fiery metamorphosis deals 4d6 fire damage to anyone adjacent to him (Reflex DC 20 half). The change grants the wearer fire resistance 20 (per resist energy), fly 60 feet (good), two talon attacks dealing 1d4+1d6 fire damage each, and a bite attack dealing 1d6+1d6 fire damage. These melee attacks are made using the wearer’s highest attack bonus. The transformation lasts for six rounds.Should the wearer die while wearing this crystalline pendant, it shatters. The warm, fine ash housed within it covers his body. On his turn the next round, the wearer is resurrected per the resurrection spell. The ash and pendant are rendered useless.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape III, elemental aura (fire), resist energy (fire), resurrection; Cost 65,000 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
Transforming into a phoenix in the middle of a spa is showy to the pointy of being considered vulgar in most social circles. Druids have been black-listed on the dinner party circuit for less (although shape-changing druids in spas are quite often there for 'let's return the place to nature, as nature intended!' purposes which may also have something to do with black-listing). Anyway, no.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
With the whole 'fireball' thing it might be applicable as a small-scale 'emergency self destruct' measure, but - despite what rumours bitter, jealous, clerics of Iomedae spread - not that many succubus art-dealers are villainous masterminds with plans for world domination and a need for a self-destruct option for their headquarters.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
There is insufficient data on if it's ornamental, and the rest of it really isn't exactly applicable to most such romantic date situations.
Other Comments?
Resurrection is not applicable to most succubi , and information on the appearance of the item is sufficiently lacking for it to be unclear if it has any ornamental value. The fact that it's apparently filled with dull grey ash does not inspire any confidence as to the ornamental value though, and the free-sample appears to have been sufficiently damaged in the post it's impossible to tell what shape (if any) it had at all. And what sort of metal is that chain supposed to be?
Oh yes, and succubi (except a few rather odd eccentrics) do not engage in combat, so basically, this item looks like one of those gifts you pass off onto someone else the next time some festival comes around.
Gollum Rating:
@Magical_Beast: Check out the blog! You qualify for special feedback. :)
EDIT: Zalaster, you too!
|
|
I see plenty of holes in this already, but I want to know what others see. Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback so I can improve!
Lover’s Favor
Aura (see special ability entry); CL (see special ability entry)
Slot ----; Price cloth cost + 300 gp + base price for special abilities (see below); Weight 1/2 lbs.
Description
Coming in the form of exquisite kerchiefs, lover’s favors are tokens esteemed by the giver and recipient for their sentimentality and functionality. Tying the lover’s favor to a weapon grants the wielder a +1 morale bonus on attack rolls. Additionally, the embroidery of a lover’s favor may imbue the weapon to which it is affixed with special abilities (see 468 of the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook). Special abilities gained in this fashion may only be activated once per day and must be used in a manner consistent with the desires of the giver. A lover’s favor may bestow a single special ability calculated with the costs on Table 15-8 of the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook. Special abilities gained in this manner do not impact the allowable weapon bonus for the original weapon. Special abilities gained in this way are subject to the normal weapon and effect restrictions as their entries suggest. A lover’s favor ceases to confer bonuses if used by anyone other than the beloved of the giver.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must have 5 ranks of Craft (cloth) or Craft (clothing), see individual special ability entries; Cost variable
Shadow Projector
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 2400 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This small brass and wirework orb has a deep violet and black gem stone in its center.
When the command word is spoken a small spike extends from the device allowing it
to be affixed to a surface. Once affixed the user can use the shadow projector as the
emanation point for any illusion (figment) spell, additionally any illusion (figment) spell cast
through the shadow projector has its duration increased by one round and is 10%
more real; as per the shadow gambit feat (Inner Sea Magic pg. 15). The user must
have line of sight and line of effect to use a shadow projector. An individual shadow
projector can only be used once.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Silent Image, Shadow Conjuration Cost 1200 gp
Any feedback is greatly appreciated :)
Mirror Sphere of Inevasible Evocations
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 1,800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This small silvered glass sphere is a boon to individuals fighting enemies with the preternatural agility to dodge spells. By focusing on this sphere while casting a spell, the user can bewilder its enemies. When using the sphere this way, extend the casting time of the spell to 1 full-round action. When an individual uses this item, the sphere hovers in the air, rapidly rotating before shattering to pieces. For a few moments, targets affected by the spell see multiple illusory figures of the caster and visualize the spell convexly emanating from these illusions. Roll 1d4+1 to determine the number of figments that materialize. Targets of the spell are considered to be interacting with the illusion (figment) effect and may make a Will save (DC 13) to disbelieve it; this is resolved before the Reflex save. The Will save DC increases by +1 for every image present (to a maximum of DC 16 for 5 images).
If the target fails its Will save, it loses the benefits of evasion and improved evasion against the spell that round. If successful, the spell resolves normally.
The sphere can instead serve as a focus for spells that create illusory figures of the caster. When used this way, the sphere floats around the user like an ioun stone. When activated (a standard action), the sphere cracks slightly. For the next hour, all spells that create illusions of the user (i.e. shocking image, mislead) are cast at +1 caster level. The sphere can be used this way twice before it shatters completely. A cracked sphere cannot be used to produce the item's first effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daze, mirror image; Cost 900 gp
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
,
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka WalterGM
|
Alright Neil, make me cry sweet, sweet tears tonight.
Book of Infinite Insults
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot – ; Price 5000 gp; Weight – lbs.
Description
This worn leather book is small and unassuming, and rests comfortably in the palm of your hand. Inside the pages are torn, marred and reek of liquor. Splotches of ink and dried blood stain the margins of each page, the remaining space filled with line after line of messy, handwritten text. When read, you quickly discover the book is packed with nothing but crude, highly offensive jokes and jibes. If the book is closed and then reopened, you find that the content of the pages have changed, granting you with a seemingly infinite supply of verbal ammunition. This has two benefits.
First, if you read insults aloud from the book while attempting to Intimidate a foe, you receive a +5 circumstance bonus to your check, provided the target understands the language you are insulting him in. Second, if you use Perform (comedy) as part of a Bardic Performance to Inspire Courage, Inspire Greatness, or Inspire Heroics, the duration is increased by one round, provided you recite the comedic material found within the book while performing. To use the book in either of these fashions you must have at least one hand free (holding only the book) and be able to read and speak.
For something with limitless words, the Book of Infinite Insults has even more origin stories. However, most believe that the book is nothing more than a compilation of every offensive joke and insult ever told, and that the blood stains are probably the result of using the book, rather than better judgment.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blistering invective, hideous laughter; Cost 2500 gp
I'm not one to turn down some feedback
Mindari’s Maddening Mittens of Myriad Missiles
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 1200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
The magic in these unremarkable half-fingered leather gloves is apparent only in the hands of arcane spellcasters. Any mage pulling them on feels a mild urge to fidget with their fingers. Those that give in to the urge find themselves tracing out portions of the somatic gestures of a magic missile spell obsessively. The gloves may be used three times per day, any character regardless of their class, who casts magic missile as a spell, spell like ability or from another magic item launches one extra magic missile above those permitted by caster level, up to a maximum of six total missiles. The gloves may only be used once per casting of the spell. Upon the third use a caster no longer suffers from compulsive fidgeting, at least until they next prepare or regain spells.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Magic Missile; Cost 600 gp
Thanks in Advance!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Guess I'd better throw my proverbial hat into the ring. This isn't exactly what I submitted, I did my final tweaking in the submission box. But I tweaked my previous draft to get as close as I could remember. Thanks in advance folks!
Thief's Chalk
Aura: strong varied; CL:12th
Slot: - ; Price: 3500 gp (per inch); Weight: -
Description
This dull yellow chalk leaves no dust on the user's hands. Typically sold in 3 inch lengths, an inch of the chalk is consumed when creating one of three possible effects:
In & Out: Drawing a square on a wall, ceiling or floor opens a passwall effect, including a rope ladder when needed. The opening closes after one round, but the effect remains active. It will reopen when the creator traces a square on or underneath the opposite side of the entrance. It remains open for one round or until the creator steps through, whichever occurs first. The effect ends when this occurs, or after an hour has passed. The creator is aware when the passwall ends.
Hide: Drawing a circle on a solid surface creates an extradimensional 10 ft. cube with a retractable rope ladder. The chamber's walls match the material the entrance was scribed upon. This room remains for 3 hours. It otherwise functions as a rope trick spell. The creator knows where the entrance is at all times.
Forget: The user crushes the chalk in one hand and flings the dust up to 10 feet away to fill a 10 ft. radius area. All other creatures within this area must make a DC 18 Will save or be subject to a modify memory effect. This erases all existence of the user from their memories of the previous 5 rounds including the round in which the dust was thrown.
Any dust or drawings created fade away after one round.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, minor creation, modify memory, passwall, rope trick; Cost 1750 gp
Phylactery of Urgathoa*Phylacteries use the headband slot, not the wrist AND hand slots.
Thanks for the comments, Neil.
And there are two kinds of phylacteries in the real world. I chose the ones that aren't worn on the forehead. Thus, not the headband slot.
RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
,
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka burrahobbit
|
Late to the party, but I really appreciate any comments. I think this was the version submitted. A huge thank you to the judges for taking the time, thought, and energy for this thread (not to mention the contest itself).
Skiver's Blade
Aura: Moderate Transmutation. CL: 3rd
Slot: - Price: 12,000 gp Weight: ½ lb.
This 8-inch steel blade resembles a tool used by bookbinders and is unsuited to combat.
When touched to a word, image, symbol, or text written or engraved on an inanimate surface, the blade lifts away as much of the material as desired. The material disappears from the original surface and appears to be peeled away on a surface resembling thin vellum, with an area equivalent to the original material. This “peeling” may then be placed on any solid, inanimate surface, causing the writing to appear there exactly as it appeared on the original surface. Only the writing or image is transferred. Three-dimensional writings may be lifted but appear as ink renderings if transferred to a two-dimensional surface. The blade cannot change the content in any way, though one could lift individual words or letters from a page and rearrange them to alter its meaning.
The blade can lift spells and scrolls; a character wishing to place such writings in a spellbook must first make the usual Spellcraft check.
The blade can also lift arcane marks, explosive runes, glyphs of warding, symbols, and similar magical writings. The blade itself does not trigger such writings, even if they are normally triggered by touch, but it does not protect against other triggering conditions. Such spells are inactive until reapplied, though time continues to be counted against their duration. If triggering conditions are present upon reapplication, they are triggered immediately. A currently active rune or symbol may not be lifted.
Magical writings may only be transferred once by a blade. Any material not reapplied within one hour disintegrates.
Construction
Prerequisites: craft wondrous item, erase, secret page cost 6,000 gp
Gunslinger's Hat of High Noon*Joke item. Same with the name and its Hollywood spaghetti western visuals.
*On top of that, it's really not all that innovative mechanically either.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Yeah, I was worried in the back of my mind my item might be seen as a gag, but I thought I presented it seriously enough. I should have put myself more in the mind of the judges, I'll know better next time.
Sluggard’s Coffer*"...feathery patters its lid"...?
*How big is this coffer if it can hold 50 cubic feet? I'd assume it must have an extradimensional space to do that, which isn't cited...and there's no secret chest spell requirement to indicate it. But, assuming that's what it's meant to be...i.e., a mobile bag of holding to pick up stuff you're either too lazy or cowardly to do yourself, this has got to be one of those items intended to protect someone from having to risk themselves in any actual adventuring. And it's a poorly crafted one at that.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Should have read "patterns,". Considering how many times I read through it I am amazed that it slipped through.
Its just a very big chest 3x4x5 feet approximately. Maybe my math is wrong? No extra dimensional space there.
Since it cannot open containers or do an actual search I cannot see how this fallls into the "no risk category". But it is an item for the lazy (or weak or cowardly) does the item name not say so very clearly?
Could you please say why you think this item is "poorly crafted"? As it is your comentary offers no real feedback. Not something that would encourage someone to participate in RPGSS2013.
@Magical_Beast: Check out the blog! You qualify for special feedback. :)
EDIT: Zalaster, you too!
Thanks for the heads up Joana
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.
I'm trying to give you "what to take away from this" comments on certain items--not all of them, but on ones that I think make for good examples of things we saw and advice that might help multiple people.
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.
I'm trying to give you "what to take away from this" comments on certain items--not all of them, but on ones that I think make for good examples of things we saw and advice that might help multiple people.
To be honest, Clark. I am extremely disappointed.
To call this thread anything with the word "critique" in it is a joke. I have been provided with absolutely NOTHING to work with. If this thread was called "judge's commentary" I would understand (maybe).
I have been told the Item is poorly crafted and the only point pointed out by the judges is invalid. What gives?
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
|
Well, here it is. Hopefully this one didn't get shredded by SKR as bad as my last one. And well, if it was, I'll use it as a learning experience for next year and for my game designs.
Either way, I'd like to thank all of the judges for being awesome :)
Profane Larva of Sarkoran Corruption
Aura Moderate Conjuration [Evil]; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 13,500 gp, Weight 1 lb.
Description
This fist-sized jagged crystal appears to contain a small abyssal maggot, writhing in impotent rage.
Demonologists recently discovered polyps containing demonic maggots growing along the edge of the World Wound in what was formerly Sarkoris. This item was originally crafted using the amniotic fluid from these pulsating growths.
Once per day as a standard action the wielder makes a ranged touch attack against a creature within 40 ft., causing the maggot to leap from the crystal and latch onto the target. The target then takes 4d6 damage and becomes entangled as the maggot burrows into their skin, transforming into a large growth covered in scales, claws, fangs and hair. On a successful save (Fortitude DC 16) the target only takes 1d6 damage, and doesn’t become entangled, and takes no further damage as the maggot doesn’t take root. Each round, for the next seven rounds, the target makes a save (Fortitude DC 16) or takes 1d6 damage as the growth tears at their flesh. After the duration runs out the growth withers and falls off of the target. The secondary effects can be ended prematurely by casting dismissal, or a similar effect, on the target.
If the wielder rolls a natural 1 on its ranged touch attack the maggot leaps from the crystal and instead burrows into the wielder’s flesh. Painful boils appear on the wielder of the crystal, causing 1d6 damage as they erupt into an uncontrolled fiendish spider swarm (Bestiary pages 258 and 294) attacking the closest living creature each round for seven rounds or until destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Fleshworm Infestation (Ultimate Magic), Summon Swarm, a vial of amniotic fluid from a Demonic Polyp or Demon Blood; 6,750 gp
Rustpicks*Hmmmm, masterwork picks of the rust monster.
*Let's presume I'm ok with the idea. This is not the way to go about it mechanically. I think the picks, like a rust monster, should simply give any metal lock or trap the "broken" condition.
*The real problem, and the one I am struggling with, is how in the world does it make the trap easier for the PCs if it is rusted and broken? Maybe its less likely to trigger, but it sure can't be easier to disarm or pick, if it is all gunked up with rust. Which explains why the rules for the "broken" condition dont really seem to apply.
*Plus, how do you adjudicate what part of the trap is metal and how this all works? I mean, what if it is part metal but mostly magical?
*3E, and subsequently Pathfinder, went to great lengths to un-Grimtooth traps and to really make them abstract, rather than mini science puzzles. No more trying to solve the trap with real world solutions (pour in water and freeze it and bust the lock, etc). No, traps are obstacles that can't be solved by these types of solutions. If you could do that, then rogues become less valuable. This item sort of runs counter to the whole abstract design principle behind traps in 3E and Pathfinder.
*For that reason, I say REJECT.
*I have to admit, I can't fault the author too much since the spell rusting grasp seems to fit this well. Of course, the spell itself fails to take into account how it applies to locks and traps and it, too, runs counter to the design ideas that are inherent to 3E/Pathfinder. So poor design in the spell, too :)
*Failure on price/cost ratio. They're assuming an added cost for the masterwork thieves' tools apparently and that's not necessary. A few other presentation problems as well. I like the name in comparison to what the item does. Seems like 2 lbs. is a lot of weight for what really ought to be a single lockpick as opposed to an entire collection of them. I'm not sure why they're capitalizing non-game terms like...
Wow. That's a lot of discussion, and far more than I'd anticipated. I truly appreciate it though. Now I have a few things to work on. (Not the least of which is getting out of the habit of capitalizing stuff from reading too many old books. :P).
I hadn't considered the whole "broken condition vs. break dc" that one of you put in, but I see how that would have fit the item thematically.
I'm glad to hear that you seemed to like the idea though (in spite of all the discussions it created, sorry about that), since it at least shows that I've improved on that part since last year. :)
Thanks again, now roll on 2013, and may the best superstar win in 2012. :)
|
Star Voter Season 6
|
Cantering Stilts*Meh, it's a silly item. I don't think they're trying to be funny, but the item is silly.
*Reject.
*This seems like a case of someone choosing an item to build a submission around that won't be like anything else. But magical stilts isn't really an item I can see players getting excited about...especially at 10,700 gp. I'd rather spend that hardearned coin on something more useful. And, if I'm in situation where I need a greater movement rate, I can go with longstrider or expeditious retreat. If I need to be taller, I can go with enlarge person or any of the giant form spells. And I think all of those situations pop up far less frequently than 10,700 gp worth of scrolls or potions.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
First off, a huge thank you for the judges’ feed back! I welcome more if any judge (or anyone else) wants to comment. I will definitely learn from this for next year.
If anyone is interested, here is my reaction:
"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
You are correct that I do not think this item is funny. Indeed, I was worried that you would think it was ‘silly’ and so resisted the urge to use many obvious puns (in an attempt to rise above the competition *smirk*). I was swinging for the fence and it looks like I hit a grounder right in the first baseman’s glove.
While, I see that it is not RPGSuperstar material, I strongly hope it will be considered for a future Paizo publication. Here’s why (and my response to some of the comments):
- These are (as far as my library tells me) the very first magical stilts to enter the game (of any edition).
- Thematically, these stilts are well suited for a bard character (though usable by any).
- While there are spells (and magic items) for speed and height (as mentioned in the comments), unlike them these stilts give you both at the same time while filling one foot slot.
- They are cheaper than buying both Boots of Levitation and Boots of Strinding and Springing and give a similar effect to both at once.
- They create interesting combat tactical options.
- They have the helpful mechanic of being more effective as the character advances in level and adds more skill ranks.
- I believe encounters and rooms that benefit from 3D movement situations to be some of the more dynamic and interesting. These stilts help the PCs navigate such encounters.
I spent a great of time working on the mechanic aspect of this submission and I think I’ve covered enough ground where a GM can handle any situation.
This competition has done me a huge favor in lighting a fire under a long standing desire of mine to be a game designer. I grateful for the work the judges have done and welcome any and all feedback. This rejection only makes me want to improve for next year.
p.s. If anyone can think of a better way to format a table than what I did in my item write-up, I would love to know.
Since this was my first submission, I would greatly appreciate feedback on strengths and areas for improvement. Thanks a bunch!
MANACLES OF CAPITULATION
Aura: Moderate (abjuration and compulsion)
CL: 12
Slot: Wrists or ankles
Price: 40,000gp
Weight: 2 lb.
These hinged cuffs may bind Large or smaller creatures and appear to be a perplexing assemblage of fused metal chunks and strips.
The captor binds a creature’s limbs within two locking cuffs and may mentally choose both a type of alarm (audible, mental or audible & mental) and a password. Any creature who speaks the password or unlocks the bonds with the accompanying key disarms the manacles’ magical countermeasures until they are locked again.
Once bound, the luckless captive makes a will save to prevent feeling dissuaded from escaping, thus losing 4 dexterity points (similar to binding: chaining).
A captive who ventures to damage or escape from the manacles makes a will save (reduced by 2 points) to avoid overwhelming sleep as if affected by bound slumber. A failed save results in up to 1 month’s slumber per point the save failed by. A successful save negates bound slumber, though future attempts require a new will save.
Successful or not, attempts to damage or escape from Manacles of Capitulation are further frustrated by the captor’s chosen alarm (if any):
Audible Alarm: the sound of rattling chains may be heard by creatures within 200 feet of the captive for one minute.
Mental Alarm: if within 5 miles, the captor hears three chimes above any ambient noise and gets a bearing on the captive’s location.
Mental & Audible: audible and mental alarms activated.
Manacles of Capitulation are not affected by dispel magic, though antimagic field and mage’s disjunction affect them normally, in which case the bindings act as mastercraft manacles with a superior lock.
REQUIREMENTS
Create Wondrous Item, Alarm, Binding, Permanency
COST: 20,000gp
Gilded Clockwork Hummingbird*Really poor writing/grammar in this descriptive text. And it's basically just a construct-in-a-can that gives you the Deflect Arrow feat. I don't really see the innovation here. And I'm not convinced this designer is ready.
*"The hummingbird cannot be physically attacked." Wrong.
Point taken. I should have rewritten it. Actually, I had, after the fact. Oops.
As for the hummingbird not being physically attacked after activation. I figured for 14,900gp, the Fame/PP one would need to purchase it, and the level of characters and play, it had better be freaken durable or why the hell buy it.
Hindsight, should have gone with Displacement.
Why is a construct that deflects a single missle per round a non-innovated idea? It deflects without taking a feat and the character can even be flatfooted or blinded. I also don't get the, "in-a-can" comment. Are not all Figerines of Wondrous Powers simply animals-in-a-can? Is that wrong?
Thanks for the critique. I had a good time and I got to give you the bird. No harm, no foul. Puns intended. Always next year.
I see plenty of holes in this already, but I want to know what others see. Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback so I can improve!
Lover’s Favor
Aura (see special ability entry); CL (see special ability entry)
Slot ----; Price cloth cost + 300 gp + base price for special abilities (see below); Weight 1/2 lbs.
Description
Coming in the form of exquisite kerchiefs, lover’s favors are tokens esteemed by the giver and recipient for their sentimentality and functionality. Tying the lover’s favor to a weapon grants the wielder a +1 morale bonus on attack rolls. Additionally, the embroidery of a lover’s favor may imbue the weapon to which it is affixed with special abilities (see 468 of the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook). Special abilities gained in this fashion may only be activated once per day and must be used in a manner consistent with the desires of the giver. A lover’s favor may bestow a single special ability calculated with the costs on Table 15-8 of the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook. Special abilities gained in this manner do not impact the allowable weapon bonus for the original weapon. Special abilities gained in this way are subject to the normal weapon and effect restrictions as their entries suggest. A lover’s favor ceases to confer bonuses if used by anyone other than the beloved of the giver.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must have 5 ranks of Craft (cloth) or Craft (clothing), see individual special ability entries; Cost variable
You are leaving too much up to the GM. At the least there should be guidelines on prices. What special abilities it grants is not clear at all. As written it seems it can grant any special weapon enhancement. I could see many rules debates if this were an actual item.
As to the aura there are default auras also.If more than one spell is given as a prerequisite, use the highest-level spell. If no spells are included in the prerequisites, use the following default guidelines.
Item nature School
Armor and protection items Abjuration
Weapons or offensive items Evocation
Bonus to ability score, skill check, etc. Transmutation
Since this seems to be an offensive item I would say evocation.
Cost "variable" which I mentioned above is bad for another reason. The contest is also here to test your ability to actually make magic items, and assigning proper prices is a part of that.
If I have to figure out the pricing of the items I find in books, and other things you have left in GM territory I see no reason to not just go ahead, and make my own magic items.
There are other issues. In short don't leave work to the GM is what I am sure will be the main complaint here.
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.
I'm trying to give you "what to take away from this" comments on certain items--not all of them, but on ones that I think make for good examples of things we saw and advice that might help multiple people.
Clark, my item was listed as a SIAC and SAK item and it would be nice to see how avoid those pitfalls. Don't forget gonzo monster in a can lol. I tried to avoid those auto-rejects but was unsuccessful.
I have thick skin, so have fun with it.
Helm of Eternal Hunger
Word Count: 300
Helm of Eternal Hunger
Aura moderate varied; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 45,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Cold, pallid, and leathery pieces of flesh are stitched together to create this helm. Sporting sharp teeth, pointed ears, and blood red eyes, the helm conforms to the wearer making him appear gaunt and predatory. The helm may be activated once a day for 10 rounds, causing many long tentacle-like tongues to explode from the wearer’s mouth to grapple creatures in a 20-foot cone. The multitude of tongues use the a CMB +14 and CMD of 23 or those of the wearer, whichever is higher. Barbs and hooks cover the tongues and constantly rip and tear grappled creatures, causing 1D6+4 damage, until the effect ends. The helm also grants the ability for the wearer to make natural bite attacks which deal 1d6 damage, assuming the wearer is medium, plus his full strength modifier. The wearer may also melee touch attack with his tongue, ten times per day and with a 10-foot reach, that can paralyze opponents (DC 16 Fort save negates) for D6+1 rounds. The tongue has 10 hit points, hardness 0, and if destroyed, may regenerate after the wearer consumes raw humanoid flesh. Those wearing the helm are also constantly hungry for the flesh, particularly decaying flesh, of other humanoids. This hunger is never sated, no matter how much flesh is eaten. When outside of combat, the wearer must make a Will save (DC 10+1 for every successful save since the last feeding) to resist stopping and eating any dead humanoid he encounters. The wearer will continue eating the flesh until he passes the failed Will save amount minus one for every round he devours the flesh.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope, black tentacles, ghoul’s touch; Cost 22,500 GP
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.
I'm trying to give you "what to take away from this" comments on certain items--not all of them, but on ones that I think make for good examples of things we saw and advice that might help multiple people.
I got it pretty raw last year from SKR. It was good advice though. :)
I have padding on this year in case he is the reviewer for my item again.
I forgot to add, Neil is a machine. I thought he was never going to take a break. I went to work, and came back, and he was still critiquing items, and he was doing that for at least 2 hours before I went to work.
|
Star Voter Season 6
|
I forgot to add, Neil is a machine. I thought he was never going to take a break. I went to work, and came back, and he was still critiquing items, and he was doing that for at least 2 hours before I went to work.
Agreed. And talk about transparency; we even know when Neil eats lunch!
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know...
First I just wanna say, despite appearances, that I greatly appreciate the feedback I was given. I can understand and completely agree with many of the things said. Heck, I considered getting a weak keep a big win. I also want to thank you for opening the door to follow up questions in advance. I know that I am about to take ample liberties with that and hope that I won't get on your nerves too badly.
As for being in the raw, sometimes you have to bring out the dope stick to get the point across.
That said, I have a few questions about a couple things said. My item was Claw of the Four Dragons.
First:
*Does electicity oppose acid?
I had thought that fire => fire damage, water => cold damage, wind => electricity damage, and earth => acid damage. Is this not the case? What would be the earth/air pairing, just in case I take leave of my senses and try again with a similar item.
Second:
The designer clearly thinks this is a monk item, but I think a cleric might have more use for it
I forgot to add, Neil is a machine. I thought he was never going to take a break. I went to work, and came back, and he was still critiquing items, and he was doing that for at least 2 hours before I went to work.
Oh yes, and boy am I ever grateful for it.
How could it benefit a cleric? I can understand why you thought it monk item, it is a monk item. I could understand if I had left the part about it granting the bonuses to a spell caster using a melee touch spell, but as written I'm a bit stumped.Third:
a +4 natural armor bonus (bland)
2d6 extra energy damage every 4 rounds (annoying)
slashing damage rather than bludgeoning damage with unarmed strikes (cool)
resistance to a single energy type (meh)
vulnerability to an opposing energy type (to nerf things a bit?)
I'm curious, who did the break down? I thought it funny that changing the unarmed strike damage type was the best thing about it when it was mainly there for flavor (very good flavor by the looks of it). I want to thank them for doing that. It helps to see what fell flat and what did well like that. And the vulnerabilities was to nerf it, yes.
Again Thank you for this opportunity. I will be taking notes. :)
*Apologies in advance. We were not kind. Like...at all...
*A ki waterfall? What kind of messed up item name is that? Seriously? It sucks. Pure and simple. Doesn't tell you a thing about it other than it's probably a monk item.
*Then we get into the meat of it and we're basically sharing class abilities regardless of the difference in level between the monk who's activating the item and anyone else he imparts his class abilities to...
*It's also poorly written in terms of explaining the mechanics as cleanly and clearly as possible. And I think it overreaches.
*Vote to Reject.
*Ki Waterfall? Is that like one of those plug in waterfalls that make that soothing trickling water sounds, with maybe a light in it or something?
*Seriously what kind of name is that?
*Waterfall? More like sprinkler. Or maybe Ki Hose--let me hose down my fellow party members with my ki abilities without regard to level or rules or good mechanics! Come, bathe in the ki cheesiness!
*Uh, no.
*Reject.
*I'm only not hitting reject because I want everyone else to read this...
*Oh, I'm reading them all, even if they end up in the reject pile before I get to them...
*Reject!
*Sharing class features is bad. Sharing them for one round is pretty much a recipe for "a one-shot kill to the foozle", which makes adventuring easy.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
Ah, the item was hated all-round. Neil, Sean, or Clark, if any of you could give me a second word, I'd appreciate it. I really want to understand the criticism.
I fail to grasp why "level" is a consideration in the rulings; a ninja could for example grant two allies the ability to do an extra attack for a round. Or a monk can dimension door with two allies. How come that is a problem, when a caster grants more benefits for longer with haste, or a wizard dimension doors with more people? Level isn't an issue in those cases, why is the level of the monk ability even relevant?
It is clear from the judges' comments that the item is considered to share class abilities. This must be my failing in writing it - my intention was for the item to change the ki users' class ability to a limited form of "mass" class ability. (Mass ki dodge, mass wholeness of body, etc) - limited to at most two adjacent allies.
The item idea, of course, is to allow the monk or ninja to take on a limited direct support role in a party. My apologies for not managing to convey that.
Aura strong transmutation; CL 11th
Slot chest; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Frayed and thick, these linen bands bestow a deep-rooted sense of tranquility and an exceptional mastery of ki flow. The item grants the ability to confer the benefits of the wearer's ki techniques onto both the wearer and his allies; though only ki abilities that target the wearer himself can be conferred this way. The wearer may, as part of the action to activate a ki ability, touch up to 2 willing, adjacent allies. For each ally the benefits gained are identical to those gained by the wearer, variables such as monk level, or ninja level if appropriate, are treated the same for wearer and each ally - with the exception that the ki ability's duration is limited to 1 round for creatures other than the wearer. For example, depending on the ki ability used, the wearer could grant allies one additional attack at their highest attack bonus when making a flurry of blows attack that round; they could gain a speed bonus of 20 feet for 1 round; they could heal a number of hit points of damage equal to the wearer's monk level through the wholeness of body ability; or they could magically slip between spaces together with the wearer using the abundant step ability. In addition to this ability, the enhancement bonus of the wearer's unarmed strikes is considered 2 higher for the purpose of determining what damage resistances his attacks overcome.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mass owl's wisdom, creator must be a monk; Cost 10,000 gp
Dread-in-the-box
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 11th
Slot --; Price 55,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
This ominous box has symbols and phrases in a half-dozen languages etched onto it's surface, all provoking a common theme: terror. There is a crooked crank of iron jutting from the side that creates an eery tune when wound. After a few seconds of turning the crank the top of the box suddenly bursts open causing a shrunken and dessicated head to pop out supported by a spring.
The box can be held in one hand but both hands are required to utilize its magic. Activating the dread-in-the-box is a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. When activated, all creatures within 20 feet (except the wielder) become panicked for 3 rounds. This is a mind-affecting, fear effect that can be negated with a DC 19 Will save. The dread-in-the-box can be reset as a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, symbol of fear; Cost 27,500 gp
Addendum: unless the judges somehow came to the conclusion that the item grants the ability to flurry - I could understand the problems with the item in that case! This is definitely not what the item does - it does not convey the ability to flurry.
Edit: to clarify:
For example, depending on the ki ability used, the wearer could grant allies one additional attack at their highest attack bonus when making a flurry of blows attack that round
This means that the recipients get to make an extra attack, if they flurry that round. Recipients that cannot flurry, obviously do not get a benefit. The item only grants the benefits of used ki abilities.
** spoiler omitted **
Ah, the item was hated all-round. Neil, Sean, or Clark, if any of you could give me a second word, I'd appreciate it. I really want to understand the criticism.
I fail to grasp why "level" is a consideration in the rulings; a ninja could for example grant two allies the ability to do an extra attack for a round. Or a monk can dimension door with two allies. How come that is a problem, when a caster grants more benefits for longer with haste, or a wizard dimension doors with more people? Level isn't an issue in those cases,...
I do agree the name is not that good.
Which Ki abilities don't target the monk?Personally I would have let the item be a keeper(assuming I was a judge) if you have to spend more ki to affect more allies and/or it was limited to certain specific ki abilities.
I really can't say how sharing an ability with 2 people for 1 round is an issue, but I also don't know what books may come out in the future. I think the issue was the huge blanket of abilities them item could potentially hand out.
Those spells have set limits(they can only do very specific things) built in with regard to the casters. This item is less limited than any single spell. You combine it with a hungry ghost monk, and you can do ____ all day long potentially.
PS:Saying casters can do it is not really a vote of confidence since the power of casters is ok or not ok depending on the person you are speaking too.
I assumed that with the reprinting of the item you wanted other members opinion also.
PS2:I like the idea, but not the execution myself. The idea gets 2 thumbs up from me.
@Mr. Swagger: yes, thank you for the feedback. There are ki powers that do not target the monk (say for example a qinggong monk gets access to scorching ray) - also the item limits to 1 round, to limit what is possible with for example a ninja's vanishing trick.
Ki abilities are limited by the cost of the ability and the relatively small pool of ki points. A hungry ghost monk - and more so a drunken monk - could circumvent that in part; perhaps an x/day limit to the item would work better for those cases.
I think the beauty of the item is that it is open-ended, meaning future-printed ki abilities are also viable for the item. Of course, this does suppose that future-abilities have a fair ki-cost for their power level.
Thank you for your thumbs up, at least :)
My pc got recently formatted so have lost everything :( Entered in with the Restful Ragdoll. I'm expecting it to have been auto rejected - First Year and way too short and lots of obvious reasons but feedback welcome if you're able to track it down :)
Glove of the Sky King*"Created by a druid alliled to storm giants..." Really? So, no one else can craft one I guess.
*It's basically a SAK of varying abilities, many of which are SIAC effects.
*Vote to Reject.
*SAK/SIAC.
*Wind shouldn't provide a deflection bonus because wind doesn't affect incorporeal creatures, and deflection bonuses apply to incorporeal touch attacks.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Thanks for the feedback, Neil. I knew about the SAK/SIAC problems, but since it fit the theme, I thought I should go for it. The tidbit about wind and a deflection bonus was a surprise, I really missed it.
This is my first Superstar entry and it was kind of a rushed work. I tried to cram to much into it and so I had problems explaining exactly what it could do.The one interesting mechanical aspect of the item - you can use all of your actions to activate it - probably felt less interesting than it seemed to me. Action economy is king, after all.
My biggest concern didn't seem to be too much of a problem, though - the star theme doesn't really have much to do with wind.
Anyway, thanks again for the feedback and see you next year!
I am in a remote part of Southeast Asia right now so I don't have access to my full entry
. I hope that I am not too late to see my feedback.
Warden's Cord
I suspect that my problems were a stupid name and poor templating of the effect. I will post the full entry if I can get access to it from where I am.
| 5 people marked this as a favorite. |
I understand you have been doing this all day Niel and the obvious flaws in the post. Truely a slip of the mouse as I submitted just under the deadline. I did not preview or spell check as a submission deserves. Which is completely my failure for undertaking this project with just a few days and virtually no knowledge of Pathfinder. A friend who is introducing aspects of system to our regular game suguested this contest to me.
*snip*
I guess this was not the feedback I was expecting on a possible new Pathfinder person
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.To be honest, Clark. I am extremely disappointed.
To call this thread anything with the word "critique" in it is a joke. I have been provided with absolutely NOTHING to work with. If this thread was called "judge's commentary" I would understand (maybe).
I have been told the Item is poorly crafted and the only point pointed out by the judges is invalid. What gives?
I'm not sure everyone is getting the actual point of this thread, and I'm pretty sure that some people don't get how much the judges give to this contest, all for free.
There's no requirement whatsover that any of us be told anything about why our item was not chosen. Yet, Neil is willing to spend the majority of his free time for several days to post what was said in the private judges' forums, Sean will be posting detailed feedback about the near misses, and Clark is offering valuable insights into the process.
Furthermore, during the selection process the judges had to wade through hundreds upon hundreds of items. The goal is not to give every item a full critique or even any critique whatsoever - the goal is to pick the 32 items that will advance.
Given that they're doing this 100% free of charge on their own time as a benefit to the contestants, the Pathfinder community, and, sure, Paizo, nobody here should have any quarrel with a quick and dirty rejection of an item that would not make it even to the top 10%, never mind the top 32.
In many cases the feedback will be raw, unpleasant, or even painful. It's a shame, but you created the item and you asked for paid professionals to tell you, gratis, what their evaluation was in terms of this contest.
I'm always dejected for a day after my items are invariably rejected. I avoid commenting in the Superstar forums, wait for my feedback, get over it, and move forward to try again next year.
Because there's always a next time.
By the way, you guys are getting it pretty raw this year. I hope that is ok with everyone. If you have follow up questions, let us know.
I'm trying to give you "what to take away from this" comments on certain items--not all of them, but on ones that I think make for good examples of things we saw and advice that might help multiple people.
All and anything you do here is way beyond what you, as judges, have to. I'm sure at least the vast majority will agree that it's highly appreciated that you take the time for any of this.
In addition, while raw comments may be raw, and hard to digest for some, and hard to take a lot of understanding away from, they still do give insights into just exactly what you quickly can put an item away on, and what makes you look twice.
I for one, have not yet heard anything for my item, but I can already take some pointers away from here.