history bookYou referred to 'history books' in a Pathfinder message board.
Hey I'm not the one profiling here.
BARBARIAN AM GOOD WITH PIZZA AND TEA, BUT ONLY IF LADY AM GETTING SANDWICH FROM KITCHEN.
WHILE BAREFOOT.
IF LADY AM BEING OLD FASHIONED, BARBARIAN AM TOO.
BARBARIAN AM GOOD WITH PIZZA AND TEA, BUT ONLY IF LADY AM GETTING SANDWICH FROM KITCHEN.
WHILE BAREFOOT.
IF LADY AM BEING OLD FASHIONED, BARBARIAN AM TOO.
I think what's funny to me is the implication that she is not in fact bearing AM BARBARIAN's child. This is a subtle burn coming from him.
I'm afraid.
If i may interject, pardon the offense AM BARBARIAN, but representing the DD/Barb I'd appreciate it if SOMEONE (mister wizard) would kindly address the big boss while i take a few rounds to slaughter ALL his mooks scattered around the field, as you neglected to prepare WIDENED AoE's.
DOn't mind me while I'm charging 80 feet from mook to mook, thanks to fast movement, or 140 feet thanks my casting of expeditious retreat, before activating any of my other limited use abilities
raging and using my natural attack routine (bite gore claw claw) to full attack everyone when I get surrounded,
and enjoying a decent AC, thank you medium mythral armor and my shield spell.
I'll finish off the Big Bad when I'm done, if you can keep him occupied.
Seriously sir, you got the man helpless, and still couldn't manage to pull off the coup de grace him before I got there? Sheesh.
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BARBARIAN AM LIKE STYLE.
WANT JOIN BARBARIAN POSSE? AM NO SQUISHIES TO BE LIABILITY. PARTY AM ALL MAN.
It'd be lovely to be in a possie of toughs, as long as you don't mind my eventual delving into the study of alchemy, causing a minor substance abuse problem, and a bit of spell slinging.
It just feels good to get a lot stronger, or faster, or tougher, and an acid arrow to the face softens up a "Squishy" rather well when they're flying around in the sky, or hanging back 95 feet away where I can't quite land a hammer swing.
but i can stop any time...
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AM COOL. BARBARIAN NURSING SEVERE ALLNIGHT ADDICTION UNTIL 17TH LEVEL.
AM ALSO FORGIVE OCCASIONAL CASTY SO LONG AS SOMETHING USEFUL HAPPEN. BARBARIAN AM EQUAL OPPORTUNUTY EMPLOYER.
BARBARIAN AM GOOD WITH PIZZA AND TEA, BUT ONLY IF LADY AM GETTING SANDWICH FROM KITCHEN.
WHILE BAREFOOT.
IF LADY AM BEING OLD FASHIONED, BARBARIAN AM TOO.
*coughs up blood* i'm not your wife, and i clearly am not bearing your child. my uncle, is the local baron, he may offer you great employment oppurtunities if you choose to serve me. how would you like to serve the future Baroness of the Moonwhisper Woods? i could make you a Sheriff. all you need do is pledge your eternal allegiance to me and my uncle. *coughs up blood* for the moment, i must Visit my private apothecary, Dr. Dimitri Molotov.
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WHERE HECK AM BARBARIAN SANDWICH, WOMAN.
WHERE HECK AM BARBARIAN SANDWICH, WOMAN.
clearly you don't understand the position you are in, you may be a powerful barbarian, but my uncle is a far more powerful Baron. i wonder if you can survive the plane of shadow like i can. *Planeshifts AM BARBARIAN to plane of Shadow with herself. as she approaches a huge mansion in the darkness, a collossal being of pure shadow teleports forward.* This is my grandfather, His name is Krskt. he will be in charge of your punishment.
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ONE CHARGE LATER, AM NO KRZYT.
BARBARIAN STRONGEST THERE IS.
NOW GET BARBARIAN SANDWICH BEFORE AM FIGURING OUT HOW MANY HPS IT TAKES TO SUNDER ELEMENTAL PLANE.
ONE CHARGE LATER, AM NO KRZYT.
BARBARIAN STRONGEST THERE IS.
NOW GET BARBARIAN SANDWICH BEFORE AM FIGURING OUT HOW MANY HPS IT TAKES TO SUNDER ELEMENTAL PLANE.
*the being of shadow survives the attack completely unphased as the young female begins to speak toward AM BARBARIAN* fool, don't you realize, that weapon damage has no effect on my grandfather. *Krskt performs a series of touch attacks that drain AM BARBARIAN's charisma and outright kills him from the charisma drain* did you dump charisma? guess that means my grandfather's touches will definitely kill you. this charisma drain won't just leave you comatose, it kills you.
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what do they write with? Cave Drawings? we all know that true barbarians beleive that if you write thier name in a book, that you stole thier soul. *proceeds to write 'AM BARBARIAN' and 'BATTY BAT' in a blank book with her amazing calligraphy skill* sorry AM BARBARIAN, but your soul is mine. and your first task is to serve me a pot of Tea and a plate of Pizza.Hey! Hey! We worked long and hard on those concessions during the reality/rules transition to Pathfinder. Our new contract clearly states that we can now read but still withhold the right to butcher pronouns, misplace articles, refer to selfs in the third person, and talk in all capitals.
true barbarians would never read
Tea and pizza?
How... barbaric.
what do they write with? Cave Drawings? we all know that true barbarians beleive that if you write thier name in a book, that you stole thier soul. *proceeds to write 'AM BARBARIAN' and 'BATTY BAT' in a blank book with her amazing calligraphy skill* sorry AM BARBARIAN, but your soul is mine. and your first task is to serve me a pot of Tea and a plate of Pizza.Hey! Hey! We worked long and hard on those concessions during the reality/rules transition to Pathfinder. Our new contract clearly states that we can now read but still withhold the right to butcher pronouns, misplace articles, refer to selfs in the third person, and talk in all capitals.
true barbarians would never readTea and pizza?
How... barbaric.
how did you get on the plane of shadow? *turns towards a collossal mass of pure shadow* grandfather, can you drain this guy's charisma as well? for the record, Tea and Pizza is not barbaric.
ALL LADY AM PROVE IS THAT GM CAN KILL BARBARIAN IF WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING INVINCIBLE.
CASTYS AM NEEDING DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP BARBARIAN.
AM STILL CONFUSE, GHOST FIGHTER AM ABLE TO IGNORE INCORPOREAL AND GIVE +13 TOUCH.
AM DIRTY FIAT.
ALL LADY AM PROVE IS THAT GM CAN KILL BARBARIAN IF WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING INVINCIBLE.
CASTYS AM NEEDING DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP BARBARIAN.
AM STILL CONFUSE, GHOST FIGHTER AM ABLE TO IGNORE INCORPOREAL AND GIVE +13 TOUCH.
AM DIRTY FIAT.
but a ghost has niether a strength nor constitution score, and due to you dumping charisma, your hitpoints just dropped drastically. grandfather, it's time to eat this foolish barbarian. *Krskt Devours AM BARBARIAN's soul. thus gaining a huge amount of temporary hit points as AM BARBARIAN ceases to exist, even as a ghost* silly barbarian, i just made your rage worthless.
if i am proving anything, it's the power of the tangible benefits one can gain by exploiting the perks of thier family tree. so good to be a fetchling. at the same time, i am proving the benefits of asking for help.
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There is a rumble in grandfathers chest, the being of pure night quakes too and fro. Suddenly a rip appears in grandfathers chest as a glass jug appears, filled with blood. The chalice has a face that it's twisted in unholy fury. Umbriere Lunas stares in horror, as the creatures mouth opens, and it lets out a furious "Ohhhh Yeah!!"
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ALL LADY AM PROVE IS THAT GM CAN KILL BARBARIAN IF WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING INVINCIBLE.
CASTYS AM NEEDING DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP BARBARIAN.
AM STILL CONFUSE, GHOST FIGHTER AM ABLE TO IGNORE INCORPOREAL AND GIVE +13 TOUCH.
AM DIRTY FIAT.
but a ghost has niether a strength nor constitution score, and due to you dumping charisma, your hitpoints just dropped drastically. grandfather, it's time to eat this foolish barbarian. *Krskt Devours AM BARBARIAN's soul. thus gaining a huge amount of temporary hit points as AM BARBARIAN ceases to exist, even as a ghost* silly barbarian, i just made your rage worthless.
if i am proving anything, it's the power of the tangible benefits one can gain by exploiting the perks of thier family tree. so good to be a fetchling. at the same time, i am proving the benefits of asking for help.
Ohh and what is the DC to plane shift an unwilling traveller?
I think you are talking past the fact that AM BARBARIAN is going to ghost touch pouncing charge on grampy and probably drop him in one round.
And while you're waiting for us to kill you, we highly recommend p*ssing yourself, Followed by a course of praying to your impudent god and cowarding in the corner and begging, always good. But if you act now, there's still time for an old-fashioned Suicide!! Thank you London! We love you! goodnight!!.
ALL LADY AM PROVE IS THAT GM CAN KILL BARBARIAN IF WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING INVINCIBLE.
CASTYS AM NEEDING DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP BARBARIAN.
AM STILL CONFUSE, GHOST FIGHTER AM ABLE TO IGNORE INCORPOREAL AND GIVE +13 TOUCH.
AM DIRTY FIAT.
but a ghost has niether a strength nor constitution score, and due to you dumping charisma, your hitpoints just dropped drastically. grandfather, it's time to eat this foolish barbarian. *Krskt Devours AM BARBARIAN's soul. thus gaining a huge amount of temporary hit points as AM BARBARIAN ceases to exist, even as a ghost* silly barbarian, i just made your rage worthless.
if i am proving anything, it's the power of the tangible benefits one can gain by exploiting the perks of thier family tree. so good to be a fetchling. at the same time, i am proving the benefits of asking for help.
Ohh and what is the DC to plane shift an unwilling traveller?
I think you are talking past the fact that AM BARBARIAN is going to ghost touch pouncing charge on grampy and probably drop him in one round.
you forget, if he does get close enough to grampy, (60 feet of him. which he would need to do so to attack) he will still take more charisma drain than he actually has, charisma. being his granddaughter, i'm immune to this effect from him personally.
But he's not immune to the Mad God of Sugary Drinks, no one is. Your grandfather is powerless against him. Your grandfather is slowly fading away, but he finds himself unable to sing along with the Mad God. "Kool-Aid's here, bringing you fun ...." he gasps out as he melts into the shadowstuff that comprises the plane.
obviously you haven't heard of his retributional charisma drain effect that activates either when he dies or reaches negative hit points. the one who inclicted the blow takes a huge amount of charisma drain. i'm sure the jug must not have a lot. grandpa will be back in about a minute.
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AGAIN, ALL LADY AM PROVUNG IS THAT ANYONE AM WIN IF THEY AM MAKING ALL UP.
BARBARIAN AM DO IT TOO. WATCH!
AM THEN THAT GREAT AND MIGHTY BARBARIAN COME RIDING IN ON GIANT METAL BEAST SIZE OF PLANET.
BARBARIAN AM PUT ON SUNGLASSES OF AWESOME +10, AM ALSO PUT ON CAPE. BARBARIAN NOT PUT ON SHIRT. AM NOT NEEDED. AM NEVER NEEDED.
FROM INSIDE METAL BEAST BARBARIAN AM GUIDE IT. BEAST AM MAKING SPINNING LANCE, AM CALLED DRILL. BARBARIAN AM SUNDER THINGY. THEN BARBARIAN AM SUNDER LADY.
THEN BARBARIAN AND BARBARIAN AWESOME SUNGLASSES AM SUNDER PLANE.
THEN ANTI BARBARIAN AM COME OUT TO SAY NOT SUNDER WHOLE UNIVERSE. BARBARIAN AM REPLY THAT BARBARIAN NEVER SUNDER WHOLE UNIVERSE, BARBARIAN NOT HAVE PLACE TO PUT BARBARIAN STUFF.
ANTI BARBARIAN SAY K, AND BARBARIAN AM SUNDER ANTI BARBARIAN. BARBARIAN GO HOME; MAKE MAD LOVE WITH MANY LADYBARIANS.
THE END.
CLEARLY BARBARIAN AM BETTER AT FICTION.
His charisma is legendary. The Mad God is beloved by millions, hordes of wild-eyed children stumbling about, chanting his praises. They start to appear in the shadow realm, running to and fro, screaming 'look at me'. The children, prancing about, start to break off pieces of the shadowrealm, pelting Umbriere Lunas with them. A sickly light is starting to peek through the cracks, fueled by corn syrup and dashed hopes. She senses the end is coming. She senses that he has the shadowplanes dark thirst on the run.
PS. ALSO BARBARIAN AM FINALLY GET HIS SANDWICH.
THE REALLY END THIS TIME.
*the sickly little girl coughs up an extreme amount of blood and makes a declaration before she faints* this is not over! if grandfather cannot stop you. i always have uncle max to protect me. *the sickly doll girl faints and a figure appearing to be a fop in a tuxedo snatches the unconscious Umbriere and takes her into his mansion on his own private demiplane. where he may tend to his niece's needs* *the collossall being of shadow regenerates completely and gives the barbarian a giant roast beef sandwich*
ALL LADY AM PROVE IS THAT GM CAN KILL BARBARIAN IF WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING INVINCIBLE.
CASTYS AM NEEDING DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP BARBARIAN.
AM STILL CONFUSE, GHOST FIGHTER AM ABLE TO IGNORE INCORPOREAL AND GIVE +13 TOUCH.
AM DIRTY FIAT.
but a ghost has niether a strength nor constitution score, and due to you dumping charisma, your hitpoints just dropped drastically. grandfather, it's time to eat this foolish barbarian. *Krskt Devours AM BARBARIAN's soul. thus gaining a huge amount of temporary hit points as AM BARBARIAN ceases to exist, even as a ghost* silly barbarian, i just made your rage worthless.
if i am proving anything, it's the power of the tangible benefits one can gain by exploiting the perks of thier family tree. so good to be a fetchling. at the same time, i am proving the benefits of asking for help.
Ohh and what is the DC to plane shift an unwilling traveller?
I think you are talking past the fact that AM BARBARIAN is going to ghost touch pouncing charge on grampy and probably drop him in one round.
Its somewhere in the low 30's (Assuming an Int of ~ 36 and its a lvl 7 spell, probably they have spell focus conj - so a good guess would be DC 32). Easily savable with a +29 will save bonus and a re-roll. That and she has to be crazy enough to touch a barbarian who probably has a touch AC in the 30's. LOL good luck with that one...your going to be coughing A LOT more blood after that attempt.
*lies unconscious in her uncle's infirmary on the private family demiplane. shivering with nightmares of barbarians and grandpa failing to protect her.*
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BARBARIAN JUST REALIZE CREATE DEMIPLANE AM ONGOING SPELL EFFECT.
...BARBARIAN JUST HAVE BEST IDEA BARBARIAN EVER HAD.
BARBARIAN JUST REALIZE CREATE DEMIPLANE AM ONGOING SPELL EFFECT.
...BARBARIAN JUST HAVE BEST IDEA BARBARIAN EVER HAD.
*Krskt, the being of pure shadow begins to speak.* spare my granddaughter, our family, and our family demiplane. and you will get a bigger sandwhich. *the shadowy being offers the 50 foot diameter sandwhich as a bribe* you won't get the sandwhich until you promise and prove that you honestly mean it.
BARBARIAN AM UMVINCIBLE, BUT EASILY BRIBED. AM SMASH DIFFERENT DEMIPLANE.
BARBARIAN AM UMVINCIBLE, BUT EASILY BRIBED. AM SMASH DIFFERENT DEMIPLANE.
*the shadow being gives the barbarian the sandwhich* i hope you can find the strength to carry this. it's a wonderful sandwhich. it will transform into whatever sandwhich your heart desires. it is now your sandwhich. you and your tribe will have thier stomachs full for a year.
BARBARIAN AM UMVINCIBLE, BUT EASILY BRIBED. AM SMASH DIFFERENT DEMIPLANE.*the shadow being gives the barbarian the sandwhich* i hope you can find the strength to carry this. it's a wonderful sandwhich. it will transform into whatever sandwhich your heart desires. it is now your sandwhich. you and your tribe will have thier stomachs full for a year.
You could have saved you and your father a whole bunch of time and pain by just making AM BARBARIAN a pastrami on rye. A little humility goes a long way when on the wrong end of a lance named "THE DRILL THAT PIERCE THE SKY."
I removed a post. That jab was not necessary. Also, is anything still being discussed in this thread?
I removed a post. That jab was not necessary. Also, is anything still being discussed in this thread?
Regardless of if anything is discusses, this shouldn't be locked due to simple awesomeness. Never laughed as much from a thread as from this.
I removed a post. That jab was not necessary. Also, is anything still being discussed in this thread?
Another question is was there ever a discussion in this thread?
Ahhh! Ross must be a Barbarian. He is threatening to sunder the thread.
The thread has brought up a good discussion of whether CMD exists and has lead to some interesting points and counterpoints. It has also had its fair amount of silly banter but usually falls back on course after the offending tangent has been sundered.
I think it should stay for now and not be moved (Off-topic would essentially kill this thread). Hopefully we will get back on topic now that sandwiches have been made and mysterious parental units have been Oh-Ya'd!!
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I do think it's interesting that almost all of the casting strategies to take down the all-mighty "AM BARBARIAN" included rules discrepancies. Where as it's been fairly simply to follow the barbarian route, which is full attack or sunder.
...almost all of the casting strategies to take down the all-mighty "AM BARBARIAN" included rules discrepancies.
Exactly! It brings up the question: Is C-M-D all in our head and in mis-use of RAW? I would really like to see someone well versed in spell rules wizard it up and take on AM BARBARIAN. I want to see strategies that we can not rules lawyer out of.
That said, write up the scenario, I'll be happy to step in on the caster side.
The scenario has always been AM BARBARIAN is riding around on his bat, sees you, and decides it would be totally metal to murder you. You have an enraged barbarian charging you, react.