Clark, Please Give Me Feedback On My Item!

[Adam Daigle]

Well, hell, as long as we're asking for peer review...if anyone wants to climb back to page two or three and let me know what they think about my item, rear back and let it fly.

I'm pretty sure of the reasons, but hearing them again couldn't hurt.

[Set]

Daigle wrote:

Well, hell, as long as we're asking for peer review...if anyone wants to climb back to page two or three and let me know what they think about my item, rear back and let it fly.

Daigle wrote:

Brain Plate

Aura Moderate Transmutation; [CL] 11th
Slot — ; Price 3,300 gp; Weight —

Description
This thick, yet pliant, fist-sized leather patch contains silver and copper threads stitched into designs resembling the convolutions of a human brain. When applied as a standard action to an inanimate object, the plate grants a semblance of life identical to an animated object (MM p13). This newly created object serves the user’s commands. The size of the object determines the duration of the effect. A Huge object remains animated and in control of the user for 8 rounds, a Large object for 4 minutes, a Medium object for 2 hours and a Small object remains animated and under the user’s control for 1 day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate object; Skill Craft (leatherworking); Cost 1,650 gp

My initial thought is that I hate the name, but that's the sort of thing I wouldn't vote against, because it's the easiest thing to change.

Upon reading it, I don't care for the visual of a 'brain' patch, and would like something a little more like a wind-up mechanical 'key' that attaches to the item and animates it. But I'm a clockwork buff, and that wasn't really the 'theme' you seemed to be going for, so that's just my personal preferences coloring my reading.

This item seems *very* cheap for what it does, which leads me to think that it's a one-use item, that attaches to an item and can never be removed or re-used. That's not explicitly stated, that I can see, however...

[Adam Daigle]

Word.

Thanks Set. I hated the name too, but my alternates seemed verbally pretentious. The biggest catch you found was something that just made me slap my head. I can't believe I didn't actually line out that this thing was a one-shot, and only assumed that was the case.

[Montalve]

Daigle wrote:

Well, hell, as long as we're asking for peer review...if anyone wants to climb back to page two or three and let me know what they think about my item, rear back and let it fly.

I'm pretty sure of the reasons, but hearing them again couldn't hurt.

same here, if anyone is interested incommenting the Music Box of Landscapes, I would love to hear opinions, its inthe 1st or 2nd page I remember I was early on

[Mattastrophic]

If we're doing peer review, I'll also repost from the bowels of Page 3:

ENCHANTER'S VEIL

Aura faint illusion CL 3rd
Slot eyes; Price 5800 gp; Weight --

This simple-looking mask is a favorite tool of enchanters, bards, and other spellcasters who desire to use their powers unnoticed. While worn, the Veil melds into the wearer's face and provides a continuous magic aura effect, rendering it visible only by true seeing. Once per day, the wearer can cast a spell or use a spell-like ability imperceptibly, by disguising its components with mundane actions. As required by the spell or ability itself, any arcane spell failure chance still applies, the caster must still be able to speak, and the caster must still possess any material or focus components. However, unless the spell or ability has some other noticeable effect, all observers, including the spell or ability's target, have no knowledge that a spell was cast or a spell-like ability was used. If the wearer possesses the bardic performance ability, he may use this item additional times per day by expending a usage of bardic performance each time.

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, magic aura, silence; Cost 2900 gp

-Matt

[Set]

Mattastrophic wrote:

ENCHANTER'S VEIL

I feel the urge to say *something,* but, in this case, this item seems to speak for itself. I don't see anything that I would change, not even in the sentence structure.

I guess it just didn't 'wow' the judges. Someone might throw around the word 'workmanlike,' which is the trendy way of saying 'there's nothing wrong with it, but it didn't give me wood...'

The only possible detail I could think of would be that 'all or nothing' effects, whether they be save-or-dies, save-or-sucks or even 'auto-success' spells like knock) tend to be de-emphasized lately in some quarters ('though not all agree, as the thread about wall of force proves). In light of that sort of feel, perhaps the spell cast isn't automatically concealed, but requires a Perception check or Spellcraft check at some lofty DC to even recognize as the casting of a spell and not just animated conversation with some expansive hand gestures. The counterpoint to that thought is that the DC for this check would have to be high enough to make the item have too soon of an 'expiration date' where every NPC of a given level will just ignore it, as they tend to either have no ranks in Perception or Spellcraft, or maxed out ranks suitable to their CR, turning the item into yet another variation of 'all or nothing,' since people will either always fail or always make it...

But that's more of a philosophical debate, and nothing to do with the item itself. I'm just babbling now. :)

[Charles Evans 25]

Clark:
If you would post what you thought of this (in what seems currently likely to be a couple of months' time) please. I suspect it was too bland, but if there was anything else to add....

Mercurio’s Bells
Aura: faint abjuration
CL 5th
Slot: see below
Price 3200 GP
Weight 1 lb

Whilst performers have often used sets of these silver pellet bells, the bard/rake Mercurio’s name has been most frequently associated with them in recent decades. Coming in sets of 40, they can be either sewn onto costumes or attached to straps to be shaken as accompaniment to an act, and give a +2 circumstance bonus to appropriate perform checks.
Additionally, once per day, at a word they can be activated to provide the effects of a protection from arrows spell – as useful for avoiding rotten vegetables and eggs thrown by an unappreciative audience as the crossbow bolts of retainers of an ‘overly protective’ relative.
If worn on straps around the wrists or ankles, a set of these bells occupy the appropriate magic item slot; if shaken in hand (as instruments) or if sewn onto a set of clothes, they do not occupy any slots – although every bell of a set must be present for an owner to invoke the protection effect and attaching a set to a new costume is a time-consuming process.

Construction:
Requirements… Craft Wondrous Item, protection from arrows; cost… 1600 gp

[Charles Evans 25]

Daigle:
I would agree with Set's opinion as to price of the Brain Plate... :D
Even with only the one use, I am somewhat leery as to the price, given the flexibility of the item, the dramatically increased duration of the effect if applied to a medium or small item (I get that they're smaller, so since the effect can't apply to more than one item, you're going for increased duration) and the fact that it opens up what is usually a bard/cleric only spell to every class.
(Can you say hello to Mr. Animated Adamantine Dagger (magical enhancements optional) as a flanking partner for a rogue?)
The name and little brain designs are okay with me, and add to the flavour.

Edit:
It seems unclear to me how commands are issued to the item, what action type is required to do so, and what capacity it has to handle complex orders.

[Charles Evans 25]

Mattastrophic wrote:

If we're doing peer review, I'll also repost from the bowels of Page 3:

ENCHANTER'S VEIL

Aura faint illusion CL 3rd
Slot eyes; Price 5800 gp; Weight --

This simple-looking mask is a favorite tool of enchanters, bards, and other spellcasters who desire to use their powers unnoticed. While worn, the Veil melds into the wearer's face and provides a continuous magic aura effect, rendering it visible only by true seeing. Once per day, the wearer can cast a spell or use a spell-like ability imperceptibly, by disguising its components with mundane actions. As required by the spell or ability itself, any arcane spell failure chance still applies, the caster must still be able to speak, and the caster must still possess any material or focus components. However, unless the spell or ability has some other noticeable effect, all observers, including the spell or ability's target, have no knowledge that a spell was cast or a spell-like ability was used. If the wearer possesses the bardic performance ability, he may use this item additional times per day by expending a usage of bardic performance each time.

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, magic aura, silence; Cost 2900 gp

-Matt

(edited)

My couple of pennies on the item:
The description leaves me unclear if wearing the veil makes the wearer's face only visible to true seeing, or if it's the veil which vanishes from sight? I'm assuming that whichever it is that vanishes, the magic aura makes it so that you can't tell that magic is in play making whatever it was seemingly not there.

The description leaves me unclear if once a day the item magically erases memories, or if once per day it just makes it really difficult to recognise the actions that the caster just took as spellcasting.

Taking an educated guess, I think it might be the veil which 'disappears from sight' when worn, and it makes it really difficult to recognise actions as spellcasting; but then I start to get a headache when I try to think about what the implications of this dirt cheap item are for those rare few spellcasters who like to counterspell things and are facing someone wearing one. It seems to me that one interpretation is that each veil makes counterspelling utterly impossible against a wearer for one spell per day.

It's possible that the item might be undercosted (how much should an item which 1/day prevents anyone from counterspelling you be worth?), and the language used to describe its function could certainly do with being clearer. Is activation of the item an act of will (as a free or swift action?), as part of the spellcasting? Speaking a command word might tip an observer off that a magic item of some kind had just been activated...

Further Edit:
And for future reference a wondrous item 'veil' listed in Paizo's 'Gods & Magic' occupies the 'face' slot, not the eyes.
Hope this has been helpful. :)

[die_kluge]

I would appreciate some peer review comments as well.

Flourishing Rose Petals
Aura faint universal; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 3,200 gp; Weight ½ lb.
DESCRIPTION
Legends speak of a sorceress so vain she decided the ground itself was not deserving of her feet - so she created magic rose petals that would flitter on the ground before her, ensuring she always stepped on them. Such petals often come in a scented silk bag containing a couple of fistfuls of rose petals. The magic takes effect after the petals have been scattered on the ground. As the owner walks, the petals flitter into the air and land in front of the owner to be stepped on again. The petals try to land in the direction the owner is facing. Complex maneuvers confuse the petals, but they catch up over time – but they only move 30’ a round. A command word forces all the petals back into the pouch. When motionless, they scatter in a 10’ radius around the owner. The petals do not function in water, or during flight.
Flourishing rose petals provide a +2 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation; Cost 1,600 gp

[Robert McRae]

die_kluge wrote:

Flourishing Rose Petals

Aura faint universal; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 3,200 gp; Weight ½ lb.
DESCRIPTION
Legends speak of a sorceress so vain she decided the ground itself was not deserving of her feet - so she created magic rose petals that would flitter on the ground before her, ensuring she always stepped on them. Such petals often come in a scented silk bag containing a couple of fistfuls of rose petals. The magic takes effect after the petals have been scattered on the ground. As the owner walks, the petals flitter into the air and land in front of the owner to be stepped on again. The petals try to land in the direction the owner is facing. Complex maneuvers confuse the petals, but they catch up over time – but they only move 30’ a round. A command word forces all the petals back into the pouch. When motionless, they scatter in a 10’ radius around the owner. The petals do not function in water, or during flight.
Flourishing rose petals provide a +2 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation; Cost 1,600 gp

I like the item. Nice visuals, the back story while unnecessary is not overdone in my opinion.

I would probably go with Aura faint enchantment
I realize the spell used in construction is prestidigitation, a universal spell, but the effect of the item, other than coolness, is certainly in the enchantment vein, bordering on enchantment (charm).

I think that generally, the aura is mostly important to someone detecting magic to figure out what exactly the item does. I believe a magic items aura should reflect the power of the item, regardless of the auras of the spell(s) that are used in the construction.

For example, if a character constructed an item that brought a dead character back to life, but the spell used in the construction was wish rather than resurrection, as a GM, I would have the item radiate conjuration (healing) rather than universal if the party detected magic on it. The item does not let them cast wish, it uses that spell to create a resurrection effect. Similarly, the petals do not cast prestidigitation, they make the character more diplomatic/intimidating.

Also, maybe a +4 bonus to Diplomacy, and forget the Intimidate bonus altogether. It is already more specialized than a strait “charm” item, as it provides no bonus to Bluff, the third skill in the trinity.

I like it, just my two cents.

[Steven Helt]

die_kluge wrote:

I would appreciate some peer review comments as well.

Flourishing Rose Petals

I think this is an example of a great idea, poorly executed.

The benefit of the roses is clear, walking on water, stay away from poisonous ground etc. The imagery is overdone but fun and unique to the game.

Other than the excessive flavor, your many troubles are purely mechanical. First, why add to Initmidate checks? Nothing about the rose petal path is intimidating. I might add a barbarian warchief with this item is less threatening.

The cost is too low. Player will break this item as described - using it to walk up walss, across pools of acid, etc. Its utility is worth about the same as good shoes. so maybe a 10k market price and 5k construction cost. Maybe more...see below.

As I just mentioned, there's not enough rules chop discussed here. Can you walk up a cliff? Do the petals touch the ground and rise every time? If so, does trying to walk over lava or acid destroy them? How far up can you go? Just barely over the ground? How much weight do they support? I would prefer that they enhance surface mobility, protect the feet, and allow some level of floating on air. Consider them yoinked for my Rokugan game.

I do like that they are limited in speed as they rearrange themselves, but don't describe them as "confused". The petals aren't intelligent. Just give them a maximum speed and say if the owner violates that speed, they float back up into the pouch automatically. That's simple and scenic.

Prestidigitation is way off the mark. As a general rule, magic items can't do something their requisite spells can't approximate. The far better choices are levitate (if you want the item to be low-level and do nothing but hold you above ground), or my preference, air walk (if you want them boosting a character's overall mobility. Of course, this should make them roughly double the cost of boots of levitation, since they don't fill a slot, or fairly expensive, since they emulate a 5th level spell and still don't take up a slot.

I would huck the Diplomacy bonus, too, and really focus on the mobility. A druid floating on petals and raining fire storm's down on her enemies is going to get what she wants.

Finally, the aura should be based on caster level - usually the minimum caster level to cast the spell in question. For my preferred version, it would be moderate transmutation. Certainly the roses are not a 'universal' type of item.

You have a great idea, though. I would imagine this one earned a "too bad" from Clark. Either version is still very much a spell in a can, but the air walk version is a seldom-used spell, and the image created by the item lends a lot of flavor to the right PC or NPC.

I'd definitley be interested in hearing Clark or Sean's take on your item.

[Charles Evans 25]

Darrien wrote:

die_kluge wrote:

Flourishing Rose Petals

Aura faint universal; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 3,200 gp; Weight ½ lb.
DESCRIPTION
Legends speak of a sorceress so vain she decided the ground itself was not deserving of her feet - so she created magic rose petals that would flitter on the ground before her, ensuring she always stepped on them. Such petals often come in a scented silk bag containing a couple of fistfuls of rose petals. The magic takes effect after the petals have been scattered on the ground. As the owner walks, the petals flitter into the air and land in front of the owner to be stepped on again. The petals try to land in the direction the owner is facing. Complex maneuvers confuse the petals, but they catch up over time – but they only move 30’ a round. A command word forces all the petals back into the pouch. When motionless, they scatter in a 10’ radius around the owner. The petals do not function in water, or during flight.
Flourishing rose petals provide a +2 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation; Cost 1,600 gp

I like the item. Nice visuals, the back story while unnecessary is not overdone in my opinion.

I would probably go with Aura faint enchantment
I realize the spell used in construction is prestidigitation, a universal spell, but the effect of the item, other than coolness, is certainly in the enchantment vein, bordering on enchantment (charm).

I think that generally, the aura is mostly important to someone detecting magic to figure out what exactly the item does. I believe a magic items aura should reflect the power of the item, regardless of the auras of the spell(s) that are used in the construction.

For example, if a character constructed an item that brought a dead character back to life, but the spell used in the construction was wish rather than resurrection, as a GM, I would have the item radiate conjuration (healing) rather than...

In contrast, I would argue that the prestidigitation effect is being used here as a form of animate object which is an transmutation spell. If I understand the item correctly, the rose petals are giving a 'masterwork tools' bonus to diplomacy and intimidate checks, the same way as a masterwork instrument assists appropriate Perform checks, or a healer's kit assists Heal checks.

Aura aside it seems a solid item otherwise.

[die_kluge]

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

Darrien wrote:

die_kluge wrote:

Flourishing Rose Petals

Aura faint universal; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 3,200 gp; Weight ½ lb.
DESCRIPTION
Legends speak of a sorceress so vain she decided the ground itself was not deserving of her feet - so she created magic rose petals that would flitter on the ground before her, ensuring she always stepped on them. Such petals often come in a scented silk bag containing a couple of fistfuls of rose petals. The magic takes effect after the petals have been scattered on the ground. As the owner walks, the petals flitter into the air and land in front of the owner to be stepped on again. The petals try to land in the direction the owner is facing. Complex maneuvers confuse the petals, but they catch up over time – but they only move 30’ a round. A command word forces all the petals back into the pouch. When motionless, they scatter in a 10’ radius around the owner. The petals do not function in water, or during flight.
Flourishing rose petals provide a +2 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate checks.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation; Cost 1,600 gp

I like the item. Nice visuals, the back story while unnecessary is not overdone in my opinion.

I would probably go with Aura faint enchantment
I realize the spell used in construction is prestidigitation, a universal spell, but the effect of the item, other than coolness, is certainly in the enchantment vein, bordering on enchantment (charm).

I think that generally, the aura is mostly important to someone detecting magic to figure out what exactly the item does. I believe a magic items aura should reflect the power of the item, regardless of the auras of the spell(s) that are used in the construction.

For example, if a character constructed an item that brought a dead character back to life, but the spell used in the construction was wish rather than resurrection, as a GM, I would have the item radiate conjuration (healing)...

I think you misunderstand - perhaps why my item failed. The rose petals don't confer any special ability in how you walk. They simply land on the ground in front of you. If you were walking lava - you'd have to have the ability to walk on lava - the rose petals don't grant any special abilities to walk on water, walls, or anything else. They simply follow you around and litter themselves on the ground before you.

Which is why if you're flying, you're probably going to leave them all behind. If you're swimming, they're just going to float on the surface. If you're on lava, well they're going to incinerate.

If you teleport, I don't know. I guess that's a GM's call. I envision certain scenarios happening - dimension door, or teleport, for example, which leave the rose petals "stranded" - and they then collectively wander aimlessly.

In fact, this could be a random encounter - the group encounters a small "whirlwind" of rose petals flitting about randomly - searching for their previous owner. Collect them all, and put them in a bag, and then you can use them yourself.

[Charles Evans 25]

(edited)
I was trying to be kind about the Flourishing Petals.
*sigh*
If you want me to be brutally honest, aside from the debate over what school of magic is needed to keep moving those rose petals around, I *get* that this item is all about looking good and impressive as you walk around, and that it does nothing else. Many people will look at this and say 'how does that help me kill a monster or disarm a trap'? It does one thing, which isn't very useful except in social situations. It's a great piece of flavour, but the only such item I can recall which made the top 32 was the 'Lordly Pavilion' which had amazing writing to make you feel that your character needed one, just to show off that they had made it; and besides which the Lordly Pavilion actually was useful as shelter for the night, in the wilds, which in many games is more likely to come up than needing to show off at court or a dinner function.
The Flourishing Petals are an item which fill a very small niche; they are a tool which I don't know that there will be a lot of demand for in many games.

[Charles Evans 25]

die_kluge:
On the other hand, maybe you can add Steven's idea about air walk for a more versatile item next year? :)

[Set]

die_kluge wrote:

I would appreciate some peer review comments as well. Flourishing Rose Petals

These items, IMO, wouldn't really affect Intimidation much. Even they did, they are essentially a magical masterwork tool for Diplomacy and Intimidation, and shouldn't cost more than 300 gp.

They seem less like a 'wondrous item' and more like what Kenzer & Co calls a 'trinket,' a magical toy that often uses little more than cantrip level magics.

The visual is neat, and, IMO, quite a few of the entries didn't really succeed at evoking a striking visual effect, but this item really doesn't go much past being a neat visual...

[Mattastrophic]

Set wrote:

I guess it just didn't 'wow' the judges.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking awhile after submitting. It's ironic... the power of the item, the ability to create subtle spell effects, is probably what kept the judges from noticing it.

Ah well.

-Matt

[Set]

Mattastrophic wrote:

It's ironic... the power of the item, the ability to create subtle spell effects, is probably what kept the judges from noticing it.

That's one way to look at it. The item was a roaring success, at going unnoticed, which is kind of what it does. :)

[magdalena thiriet]

Set wrote:

Mattastrophic wrote:

It's ironic... the power of the item, the ability to create subtle spell effects, is probably what kept the judges from noticing it.

That's one way to look at it. The item was a roaring success, at going unnoticed, which is kind of what it does. :)

Ah, so that was the issue of my item of last year, it was also supposed to go unnoticed :)

Next year..."I'm the god of hellfire and I bring you...FIRE!"
Item description: Flying-V Stratocaster.

[Nermal2097]

If anyone else wants to pass comment on my item please feel free to do so

Duellers Polishing Cloth
Aura Faint Evocation; CL 3rd
Slot --; Weight --

DESCRIPTION
These small coloured patches of soft cloth of are typically found in major cities that allowing Duelling. The cloth is used to polish a bladed weapon, usually a Rapier, to such a sheen that it begins to glow.

The blade emits a bright glowing light, the same colour as the cloth used to polish it, up to 20 feet and a dim light 20 feet beyond that. The blade flashes brightly as it moves and will shine in the eyes of any opponents in melee with the wielder. Opponents must pass a Fortitude Save DC13 or receive a –1 penalty to hit.

Any bladed weapon can be polished. It takes 10 minutes of continuous polishing in one sitting to make it shine and the effect lasts for 2 hours. Each Duellers Polishing Cloth can be used 5 times before losing its quality.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Light, Flare; Cost 1000gp

[Machaeus]

Sorry to repeat myself, but...did the thread eat my post?

Machaeus wrote:

Okay, I think I mostly screwed up formatting...I didn't know we were following a special format until way too late :). Ah well - tell me if there was anything else particularly bad about it.

Earrings of the Frozen North

These silver earrings are delicately shaped into snowflakes with a small pearl in each snowflake's center. Wearing them provides a +2 bonus to caster level whenever casting a spell with the cold descriptor, and adds +2 to the Save DC. In addition, once per day as a swift action when casting a spell with the cold descriptor, the wearer of these earrings may empower the spell as the feat Empower Spell. Finally, once per day as a swift action when casting a spell with the cold descriptor, the wearer of these earrings may maximize the spell as the feat Maximize Spell. Using either of the metamagic features does not increase casting time, nor is spell level increased, but only one metamagic feature may be used at a time. Both earrings must be worn in order to draw upon their powers.
Moderate Transmutation; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item (PH pg 92-93), Empower Spell (PH pg 93), Maximize Spell (PH pg 97-98), Spell Penetration (PH pg 100); Price 10,750 gp.

Looking over others, the capitalizing was probably another ding on me...

[Chad Patterson]

I was probably the dumb@$$ that insulted Clark by offering the definition of a pretty common word in my text. It wasn't my intention to insult anyone. I was just trying to find a good way to explain where in the hookah the user is supposed to place the potion. In retrospect, there were better ways to have done that.

I must also admit to being at a loss as to how the item should have been priced.

Alchemist’s Hookah
Aura strong transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 73,500; Weight 5 lb.

Description
Popular in Qadira and Osirion, the hookah is a pipe used in the smoking of tobacco and other dried herbs. It features a long tube passing through an urn filled with water, alcohol, fruit juice, or ice with mint leaves and lemon slices. As smoke is drawn through this tube it is cooled, making it less abrasive to the smoker.

The alchemist’s hookah is a magical variant that, when its urn is filled with a single potion, effects up to six smokers as if they had each imbibed one such potion. A hookah session, the time required to burn through one bowl of tobacco (or dried herbs), lasts one hour, and the hookah bestows the potion’s effect upon the smokers at the end of that time. If more than six smokers participate, or if the hookah session is interrupted in any way, neither the hookah nor the potion has any effect. Regardless, the potion is consumed once smoking begins.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Brew Potion, any one Metamagic Feat; Cost 73,500 gp

Thanks,
Chad

[Kyr]

Nermal2097 wrote:

If anyone else wants to pass comment on my item please feel free to do so

Duellers Polishing Cloth
Aura Faint Evocation; CL 3rd
Slot --; Weight --

In my opinion (the only one I have) this is a perfectly serviceable lo level magic item - and even an interesting idea.

But: it is basically just a couple single use light spells bundled together with an extraordinarily long casting time (relative to the spell itself). And the cost for 5 uses of light at 1,000gp makes it prohibitively expensive for the level of PC that would find it advantageous. Also why add flare to the construction - light alone is enough.

Also the name makes me think of something that enhances the users abiltiy to duel - this item basically turns your blade into a torch - I get you have to see to duel but the item isn't about duelling so for me the name doesn't work.

Its an interestng item, and kudos to you for coming up with an interesting low level item - for my money that is much harder than developing a high level one.

There is nothing wrong with it - its just one of those things that I don't thtink most PCs would care very much about having - and so while good is not "Superstar."

I hope that is useful to you.
And again kudos for an interesting idea.

[Jason Rice]

LordRcane wrote:

Clark

In advance, thanks for the feedback. I am sure we all appreciate it.

CHALICE OF THE KING
Aura faint conjuration; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 56,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.

HISTORY
Originally created by the paranoid Tybarus the Tyrrant, the Chalice of the King disappeared after his assassination. Tybarus had artisans loyal to him make an enchanted cup of gold, covered with gemstones, that would remove any poisons in his drink. He feared, correctly, that citizens of his kingdom sought to remove him from power. The goblet served its purpose well, and Tybarus indeed thwarted many attempts to poison him. Ironically, he was assassinated by a poisoned blade, from which the mighty chalice was unable to save him.

DESCRIPTION
This large cup is made of solid gold. Green gems, mostly emerald and jade, are embedded on the sides and base of the cup. This chalice constantly casts neutralize poison (as the spell) on any liquid it contains. This has the additional effect of removing alcohol from any beverage drank from the cup. The chalice cannot remove poisons already affecting the victim however, or delivered from any other source (such as injury, contact, or inhalation poisons).

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, neutralize poison; Cost 28,000 gp

This is amazing. When I entered this contest, I created several items, so that I could have a variety to choose from for submission. This was one of them (that I didn't submit). A cup that neutralized poison AND alcohol. I invisioned a King paranoid of assasination, and a rogue who cheated at drinking games. My thoughts on it were that it wasn't flashy enough, and probably wouldn't be an item people would be excited to get. I DO think it would be useful, though.

[Clark Peterson]

Hi everyone!

I havent forgotten about you all! I'll get to some more this weekend.

Clark

[Dale McCoy Jr]

Oh what the hell, why not. Here's mine... Feel free to tear it to shreads (it's just a spell in a can, etc).

Pendent of the Five Claws
Aura faint transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 9,560 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Made with one claw each from a badger, black bear, hawk, leopard, and a wolverine, this pendent allows its wearer to polymorph into one of these five animals once per day as if under the spell beast shape I. Additionally, when a druid uses wild shape or a cleric with the animal domain uses animal form while wearing this pendent, their caster level increases by +2 when determining the duration of these abilities.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I, caster must have the wild shape class ability or animal form domain power; Cost 4,780 gp

[Ryan Marsh]

Clark Peterson wrote:

Hi everyone!

I havent forgotten about you all! I'll get to some more this weekend.

Clark

Its a terrible burden to have your opinion so sought after. lol

Can't wait for the feedback.

[Kor - Orc Scrollkeeper]

*Clark feels a great disturbance in the Force, as if 500 voices suddenly cried out in request and were met with silence.*

I wonder if Clark anticipated about 500 people requesting feedback on their items? Did Clark also offer this feedback last year, and if so did this many respond? It was a very generous offer, but I'm beginning to think that he will have to take a month off work to answer all these :)

[Nermal2097]

Kyr wrote:

Nermal2097 wrote:

If anyone else wants to pass comment on my item please feel free to do so

Duellers Polishing Cloth
Aura Faint Evocation; CL 3rd
Slot --; Weight --

In my opinion (the only one I have) this is a perfectly serviceable lo level magic item - and even an interesting idea.

But: it is basically just a couple single use light spells bundled together with an extraordinarily long casting time (relative to the spell itself). And the cost for 5 uses of light at 1,000gp makes it prohibitively expensive for the level of PC that would find it advantageous. Also why add flare to the construction - light alone is enough.

Also the name makes me think of something that enhances the users abiltiy to duel - this item basically turns your blade into a torch - I get you have to see to duel but the item isn't about duelling so for me the name doesn't work.

Its an interestng item, and kudos to you for coming up with an interesting low level item - for my money that is much harder than developing a high level one.

There is nothing wrong with it - its just one of those things that I don't thtink most PCs would care very much about having - and so while good is not "Superstar."

I hope that is useful to you.
And again kudos for an interesting idea.

thanks for the comments. I was worried after submitting that whilst I had come up with a good idea for a low level item it didnt have "mojo".

[Steven Helt]

die_kluge wrote:

Flourishing Rose Petals

No offense, but if the rose petals confer no actual ability on the owner, they're kind of silly. You entered a superstar contest. Players and Gms will want ideas that kick their games up to the next level.

Adding a magic item that doesn't do anything is like adding a villain that doesn't do anything. The time invested in the idea is kind of wasted. You were looking to add to your game, and - whoah - the flowers don't actually do anything.

You have a very evocative image, and the idea smacks of high fantasy or fairy tales. After that strength, your idea shrinks into novelty. Give it some function!

The air walk version of the rose petals is totally yoinked for Rokugan.

[Maurice de Mare]

DMcCoy1693 wrote:

Oh what the hell, why not. Here's mine... Feel free to tear it to shreads (it's just a spell in a can, etc).

Pendent of the Five Claws

There is nothing wrong with it. And that is your problem I guess. I am going to channel some Clark and I think he would say: it is faultless and perfectly designed but it misses that spark that sets it apart from the 100 other beast shape items. If there was a big book of items it would have made the cut. In conclusion: publishable, just not Superstar.

But you ofcourse know that delivering publishable quality gets you paid in real life ;>

[Dale McCoy Jr]

Darkjoy wrote:

DMcCoy1693 wrote:

Oh what the hell, why not. Here's mine... Feel free to tear it to shreads (it's just a spell in a can, etc).

Pendent of the Five Claws

There is nothing wrong with it. And that is your problem I guess. I am going to channel some Clark and I think he would say: it is faultless and perfectly designed but it misses that spark that sets it apart from the 100 other beast shape items.

Yea, that was pretty much what I was figuring. I even said as much after I sent it off. I thought the title was really cool and hoped that it would carry it. Oh well, there's always next year.

[Clark Peterson]

Steven T. Helt wrote:

die_kluge wrote:

Flourishing Rose Petals

No offense, but if the rose petals confer no actual ability on the owner, they're kind of silly. You entered a superstar contest. Players and Gms will want ideas that kick their games up to the next level.

Adding a magic item that doesn't do anything is like adding a villain that doesn't do anything. The time invested in the idea is kind of wasted. You were looking to add to your game, and - whoah - the flowers don't actually do anything.

You have a very evocative image, and the idea smacks of high fantasy or fairy tales. After that strength, your idea shrinks into novelty. Give it some function!

The air walk version of the rose petals is totally yoinked for Rokugan.

Wolf and I rejected this one, and we did so quickly and in passing. I would say the above comments reflect my view. I actually was a bit harsh in my rejection on our boards. I strongly agree with the first paragraph above. This is Superstar. Some FX rose petals that in the end just give a skill bump are just not up to snuff. Frankly, even with a neat levitation or air walk effect that isnt that special. Its the backstory that makes your item interesting, and that isnt really good item design. That is good character story.

[Vic Wertz]

exile wrote:

I was probably the dumb@$$ that insulted Clark by offering the definition of a pretty common word in my text.

Nope—it wasn't you. The person Clark was talking about posted the word definition after their item entry, introducing it with something along the lines of "Yes, word really is a word; it means this."

[Maurice de Mare]

Vic Wertz wrote:

exile wrote:

I was probably the dumb@$$ that insulted Clark by offering the definition of a pretty common word in my text.

Nope—it wasn't you. The person Clark was talking about posted the word definition after their item entry, introducing it with something along the lines of "Yes, word really is a word; it means this."

This really should go on the list for 2010; stuff you don't say to a judge.

[Steven Helt]

Nah - I think that stuff is funny. We gamers are too pretentious as it is. Watching one or two of us implode while they forget who they're submitting to...that's awesome. Even without seeing the word or how they represented it.

[Charles Evans 25]

I agonised over whether or not to explain pellet bell, but ended up concluding that the judges were sufficiently erudite that they could look it up if they didn't know but were interested.

[Steven Helt]

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

I agonised over whether or not to explain pellet bell, but ended up concluding that the judges were sufficiently erudite that they could look it up if they didn't know but were interested.

See what I mean? : }

[Charles Evans 25]

Steven T. Helt wrote:

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

I agonised over whether or not to explain pellet bell, but ended up concluding that the judges were sufficiently erudite that they could look it up if they didn't know but were interested.

See what I mean? : }

Leaving out description/definition saved me word count, too! :D

[Robert N. Emerson]

Vic Wertz wrote:

Nope—it wasn't you. The person Clark was talking about posted the word definition after their item entry, introducing it with something along the lines of "Yes, word really is a word; it means this."

Now, see, I avoid this pitfall out of habit, since I've this very short-fused pet peeve about presumption of ignorance, as I just find it insulting. By default, I work on a presumption of intelligence, leaving it to the subject to prove me right or wrong.

It's like discussing something with someone, who isn't that capable of making their point clearly, so they make the statement of, "Well, you just don't under stand/get it" and are surprised when you get upset.

I learned a long, long time ago that if you work under the premise that the person that you are talking to is intelligent you are less likely to offend them with the appearance of being condescending, as it is easier to adjust the conversation downward and seem polite, then upward after seeming rude.

Ain't pet peeves grand? The level of over-thought and over-reflection that goes into them, as you look back on the various times you got upset with someone, during a discussion, and couldn't figure out why?

Anyhow, that was a smite long winded, but hopefully helpful advice.

[Steven Helt]

I don't like it when my kids turn their head toward the tv screen as they leave the room.

That's a pet peeve. Just saying.

Hey - it might not have been about gaming, but it was free. So there.

[Set]

As if poor Clark needs another straw thrown onto the camel's back, here's my submission. I'd appreciate any constructive criticism anyone in the audience wants to toss in as well!

*********************************************

SOVEREIGN SIGIL
Aura faint enchantment and evocation; CL 5th
Slot –; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This holy symbol of Asmodeus is a pentacle of wrought red iron, encircled in fire-blackened silver. Any user gains a +2 bonus to Bluff, Intimidate and Knowledge (the planes) checks, and any divine caster can expend a divine spell-slot of the appropriate level as a full-round action to generate a ray of fire (treat as ray of frost, but inflicts fire damage instead, requires a divine cantrip of any sort to be prepared), command (requires the expenditure of a 1st level spell) or hold person (requires the expenditure of a 2nd level spell). A cleric of Asmodeus with this item can choose to have his channeled energy effect instead inflict a 30 ft. burst of fire damage, instead of negative energy, with a Reflex save (at the same DC) to take only half damage.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, produce flame, command, hold person, creator must be a priest of Asmodeus; Cost 2,500 gp

*****************************************

Explicatory stuff that the judges didn't see, since I didn't want to 'explain' the concept to them (and felt that it would be both insulting and unnecessary).

The general idea was to create magical holy symbols, each with three properties;
1) a +2 bonus to several skills or checks related to the deity in question
2) the ability to spontaneously convert divine spells into spells suiting that deity’s theme as a full-round action
3) a cleric of the appropriate deity can expend a turn/rebuke/channel energy use to invoke some relevant effect

In my opinion, the concept of magically enhanced holy symbols is one that has been glossed over in previous works, leaving this sort of ‘wide open’ to be explored. Given the magical nature of the clergy in D&D worlds, it would make sense that a magical holy symbol would be more common in the hands of a priest than a magical sword in the hands of a warrior. This article is intended to, at least in part, fill that ‘gap.’

Another sample of that idea in execution;

NATURES CHALICE
Aura faint conjuration and evocation; CL 5th
Slot –; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This holy symbol of Gozreh functions as a decanter shaped like a folded leaf of green-cast bronze. Any user gains a +2 bonus to Handle Animal, Knowledge (nature) or Survival checks, and any divine caster can expend a spell-slot of the appropriate level as a full-round action to cast create water (requires a divine cantrip of any sort to be prepared), obscuring mist (requires the expenditure of a 1st level spell) or gust of wind (requires the expenditure of a 2nd level spell). A cleric of Gozreh with this item can choose to have his channeled energy effects ignore the presence of mundane animals or natural plant-life (or both), if so desired.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create water, obscuring mist, gust of wind, creator must be a priest of Gozreh; Cost 2,500 gp

[Neil Spicer]

Set wrote:

SOVEREIGN SIGIL...

The general idea was to create magical holy symbols, each with three properties;
1) a +2 bonus to several skills or checks related to the deity in question
2) the ability to spontaneously convert divine spells into spells suiting that deity’s theme as a full-round action
3) a cleric of the appropriate deity can expend a turn/rebuke/channel energy use to invoke some relevant effect

I really like where you're going with this idea...but I think somewhere along the way, it kind of tried to do too much and fell a little flat. First, I like the notion of magical holy symbols as something a higher level cleric could create to attune himself even further to his deity. Secondly, I really like the idea of letting his channeling convert to different types of "damage" other than positive or negative energy, depending on what element his deity embodies. That's good stuff. I don't think you can do it for every deity. But something like Asmodeus or Gozreh could totally work.

Now, I think your idea fell off the tracks because you tried to do too much with it. To give it a bonus on skill checks plus the ability to spontaneously convert prepared spells into some specific "domain" type of spell plus the channel energy-swap idea just goes too far. If I were going to tweak what you've done here, I'd probably pick no more than two skills (i.e., same as most skill-boosting feats) that would receive a +2 bonus. Then, I'd let the magic of the holy symbol convert channeled energy from positive or negative to one of the elements. And that's it. I'd stop with that.

Later, if you wanted to create another separate magic item...say a variation of prayer beads or something...that carries off the spontaneous casting swap, I think that would be okay. But to reach for all of that in one item is a poor design choice, in my opinion. I think limiting it to the core of your idea (and the best one for me is the energy-swap) will let you focus your attention on tightening up the description. Basically, it wins you back a few more words to present it better and describe the mechanics more fully.

Lastly, if you really wanted to put one more "feature" into the magic holy symbol idea, I'd suggest letting the item boost a cleric's number of per day channeling attempts by one, which is essentially a half-feat along the lines of Extra Turning. And, in fact, it might be interesting to make that one of the extra construction requirements, or maybe Knowledge (planes) instead.

Just my very respectful two-cents,
--Neil

[Set]

NSpicer wrote:

Now, I think your idea fell off the tracks because you tried to do too much with it. [SNIP] If I were going to tweak what you've done here, I'd probably pick no more than two skills (i.e., same as most skill-boosting feats) that would receive a +2 bonus. Then, I'd let the magic of the holy symbol convert channeled energy from positive or negative to one of the elements. And that's it. I'd stop with that.

Later, if you wanted to create another separate magic item...say a variation of prayer beads or something...that carries off the spontaneous casting swap, I think that would be okay.

Awesome feedback! Thanks!

Dropping out the spell substitution does seem like something that would better fit a strand of prayer beads (and then, the item could include spell substitutions all the way up to 9th level, by adding more powerful beads to the strand). Stopping the spontaneous casting thing at level 2 spells was kind of arbitrary, now that I think of it, and removing that option from the holy symbol does make sense.

It also creates yet another type of magical item that Clerics could carry around, either prayer beads that allow them to spontaneously swap out divine spells for thematic spells relevant to their gods, or a prayer book with the same utility, etc.

For another minor ability, in lieu of the 1 extra channeling use a day you suggest, I'd considered given the holy symbol a 'masterwork bonus' sort of thing. Since there's no longer a roll to channel energy, the +2 bonus would apply to damage (so that a 1st level Cleric would do 1d6+2 either healing or harming, and a 5th level Cleric would do 3d6+2 healing or harming). That would make it a useful bonus at 1st and 2nd level, when Channel Energy is weakest, and not anything that would make a significant different at higher levels, when Channel Energy doesn't really need the help.

[Neil Spicer]

Set wrote:

Awesome feedback! Thanks!

No problem.

Set wrote:

Dropping out the spell substitution does seem like something that would better fit a strand of prayer beads (and then, the item could include spell substitutions all the way up to 9th level, by adding more powerful beads to the strand).

I'm not sure how well that would play out. You're essentially trying to build back in the domain spells from 3.5 clerics via a magic item...which means, you'd have to re-use the domain spell list of 1st thru 9th level spells for each domain...decide on which domain(s) the prayer beads provide to the cleric. And it would vary from priesthood to priesthood. So, all of that will make it more difficult to write up such an item in a way that reads well and performs well mechanically. I'm not even sure if it's a good idea to put spontaneous domain spell casting into an item to begin with...i.e., that might be taking things too far. But I don't know. Maybe there can be some tighter limitations around it...

Set wrote:

For another minor ability, in lieu of the 1 extra channeling use a day you suggest, I'd considered given the holy symbol a 'masterwork bonus' sort of thing. Since there's no longer a roll to channel energy, the +2 bonus would apply to damage...

That's an interesting direction to take things. Maybe grant +1 "damage" to the channeled energy per die...kind of like the +1 per level you get with cure or inflict spells. The phylactery of positive channeling does something similar, but just grants you an extra 2d6, straight-up. Alternatively, you could have your item raise the DC by 1 for rebuking/commanding undead with the channeled energy instead.

All in all, I still like where you're headed with the idea. But here's one cause for concern: I think the judges said they got a lot of items that tinkered with the cleric's channel energy mechanic. In and of itself, that's not a bad thing. The new mechanic kind of lends itself well to potential magic item design. But, with so many others pursuing the same thing, it'll be harder for you to standout if you submit this type of item for RPG Superstar.

One of the things I tried to do with the last leaves of the autumn dryad was to pick something that almost no one else would be likely to do. And then, after making sure I'd have an item concept that would standout, I turned my attention to making sure it would read and play well. If I have any advice for those wanting to make the Top 32 with their magic item, it would be to find something unique (i.e., "the road less traveled") and then make it really interesting (i.e., focus on your writing and making the item mechanically-sound).

But that's just my two-cents,
--Neil

[anthrorob]

Clark Peterson wrote:

Hi everyone!

I havent forgotten about you all! I'll get to some more this weekend.

Clark

Mine was buried back on page three so I thought I'd re-post. Would welcome all feedback. Thanks.

Thank you for looking at this.

Bracers of the Hermit
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4+
Slot hands; Price 4,000 gp, Weight 2 lbs.

These mottled brown, orange and white bracers are made from the carapace of a giant hermit crab. These bracers grant the wearer the ability to attack unarmed as if they had the Improved Unarmed Strike feat. It is rumored that there are a cursed variety of this magic item which causes the wearer's most dominant hand to grow to a grotesque size while their off-hand atrophies.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Improved Unarmed Strike; Cost 2,000 gp.

[Maurice de Mare]

anthrorob wrote:

Mine was buried back on page three so I thought I'd re-post. Would welcome all feedback. Thanks.

Get back in line! ;>

[Maurice de Mare]

anthrorob wrote:

Bracers of the Hermit

It is rumored that there are a cursed variety of this magic item which causes the wearer's most dominant hand to grow to a grotesque size while their off-hand atrophies.

Your cursed item is a whole lot cooler than your actual entry, IMHO. You further diminsh your entry by adding the above fluff.

So if the bracers would alter someone's hand to a claw, giving him a natural attack with it and some bonus on grapple and disarm attempts that would have been a better item, or a more 'wondrous' item.

[Charles Evans 25]

Set:
For several examples of 'magical holy symbols' I would recommend a consultation of the 'Magic of the Gods' Chapter of the Pathfinder Chronicles 'Gods and Magic' book.
(For comparison, these items include a holy symbol of Asmodeus, the Barbed Pentacle of Asmodeus - an 'iron disk inscribed with an inverted pentgram...')
It might be worth posting for Sean's feedback, if you haven't already done so, as Sean K. Reynolds is the author with the cover credit for 'Gods and Magic', so I presume knows the workings of these items inside out.

Edit:
I was a bit uncertain about the bonus to Knowledge (The Planes) provided by the Sovereign Sigil, as the item doesn't seem to me to be a book/holy-text, or to have any kind of knowledge/divination spells as a crafting requirement.