Ok, here's mine to share and enjoy and risk the wrath of Clark with :D
“LEFTIE”
Aura strong Necromancy; CL 16th
Slot none; Weight 10 lb.DESCRIPTION
A human skeletal arm with hand, fully connected from fingers tip to shoulder ball by ligaments of ectoplasmic energies.
Part of the remains of the most dedicated and devoted man servant to have graced the land. So devoted that he rose from deaths embrace to continue his work for the noble family for whom he was employed.
"Leftie" provides basic utility uses for general non combative tasks. Known uses often regaled in fire side stories include:
Holding the shoulder ball and placing the hand at your back. Used thus, you are offered a most pleasurable back scratch for those hard to reach itches.
Place on the ground next to the dirty dishes with a nearby water source - they are washed clean. If you partner with “Rightie”, the time for such service is halved.
Place beside the campfire, logs within reach and your campfire will be properly tended as you sleep. With your person also within reach, you will be gently awakened at any specified time, or, if intruders approach to within 100 feet.
More uses and powers await discovery by the owner, especially if combined with other parts of the Skeletal Butler’s Body.
DESTRUCTION
Can only be destroyed when the Skeletal Butler is complete. Destruction destroys all of the component artifacts. To do so, simply command the butler to undertake a task which it cannot complete.
Yeah it's a camping item, I know, and i couldnt resist the backstory and I blew the work count too - lol, I think im hitting all the stereotypes in one.
Oh yeah, and I had no cost or manufacturing cos it was a Unique item that couldnt be made in that sense.
Ah well!
It was my first ever go at writing anything for anyone, thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it :D
And yes, my villain concept would have been the novel (I think) idea of "Construct the Butler that does it" and then once constructued (first half of adventure synopsis), it would lead to him betraying the party and setting off on his own agenda rebuilt and ready to wreak havoc on those he was hunting.
Ah well. I'm sure my players will hate me when I use the full set to assassinate the royal court they are so friendly with :P
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Ok, got it. Not about fairness or having a grading system, but preventing hurt feeling. I’ve been in the military to long. Thanks for the time. Out.
That is part of it, I think, but also...if the judges knew that their entire comment threads were going to be made public they would pull their punches a bit. This way they know that their comments will be kept discrete, and we get redacted versions on this thread.
Yeah it's a camping item, I know, and i couldnt resist the backstory and I blew the work count too - lol, I think im hitting all the stereotypes in one.
Yeah, it's an unique artifact so not an wondrous item either, and has a joke name (and somewhat jokish item) with vague powers, so you managed to pack plenty of bad item types there :)
That said, I enjoyed the idea and something like this could find its way in some future campaign (as many players of mine have noticed, I like weird treasures).
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Yeah it's a camping item, I know, and i couldnt resist the backstory and I blew the work count too - lol, I think im hitting all the stereotypes in one.
Yeah, it's an unique artifact so not an wondrous item either, and has a joke name (and somewhat jokish item) with vague powers, so you managed to pack plenty of bad item types there :)
That said, I enjoyed the idea and something like this could find its way in some future campaign (as many players of mine have noticed, I like weird treasures).
always good for an April's Kobold
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Ok, got it. Not about fairness or having a grading system, but preventing hurt feeling. I’ve been in the military to long. Thanks for the time. Out.
There's no way to score a contest like this. You take three guys with experience and a good reputation in design, mechanics and presentation. Everyone does their best to make an impression, and the top 32 plus move on. Everyone admits it's subjective, but so is evaluating any kind of talent.
Those are the rules. We all play by them. Some of us might feel we'd rock the later stages, but that glory goes to those who are Superstar 2009. The rest of us should enjoy and learn from the process, and try (hard as it may be) not to ask more from the judges. The people who deserve that consideration the most are the ones still in the contest.
So, I'm prepared to take a look inside my head and learn more about magic item design from the winners of this round.
Congratulations, everyone.
I wasn't sure I wanted to post mine here, but here goes. I really liked my name and theme, but I didn't have time to tighten the mechanics as much as I would have liked.
Whisk of the Saucerer
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 6,000 gp; Weight ½ lb.Description
Three times per day this mithral whisk allows the user to combine two potions together without harmful effect. Drinking the new potion activates the benefits of both of the original potions. Once mixed, a combined potion cannot be further blended. While the concoction remains delicious for much longer, it must be used within one day or the magical properties of the potion are lost. In addition to this blending ability, this whisk allows the user to mix potions into food. Eating the prepared food activates the benefits of the potion. The wielder can cook with a +5 competence bonus on Craft (cooking) checks.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mending, creator must have 5 ranks in the Craft (cooking) skill; Cost 3,000 gp
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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It's funny last night as I was falling asleep I think I thought of at least 4 items that might have made it. I now understand it's more about making a memorable item tweakign the rules of the spell in question than slapping a bunch of spells together in a theme.
Clark please review my item.
Thanks in advance for the feedback.
Anyone else who would like to review it is more than welcome as well.
Rogue's Deck
Aura Weak illusion; CL 5th
Slot -- ; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb
Description
These enchanted decks of playing cards grant those lucky enough to possess them with the ability to perform a vast array of card tricks (including tricks that would be impossible with a conventional deck). Rogue's Decks grant their users a +10 bonus with regard to perform checks using card tricks. Further, Rogue's Decks allow users with ranks in perform to make perform checks with the deck as if their ranks were in the perform style "card tricks." In addition, users of a Rogue's Deck can throw a card or cards at targets as weapons. Thrown cards fly towards and strike targets in precisely the same fashion as missiles generated by a magic missile spell save that cards inflict only 1 point of damage. For the purpose of determining the number of missiles, range, and other variables the effective caster level is equal to one half the user's ranks in perform. Cards thrown are never damaged and reappear in the deck as soon as they make impact.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, magic missile, prestidigitation; Cost 27,000 gp.
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Clark please review my item.
Thanks in advance for the feedback.
Anyone else who would like to review it is more than welcome as well.Rogue's Deck
Aura Weak illusion; CL 5th
Slot -- ; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lbDescription
These enchanted decks of playing cards grant those lucky enough to possess them with the ability to perform a vast array of card tricks (including tricks that would be impossible with a conventional deck). Rogue's Decks grant their users a +10 bonus with regard to perform checks using card tricks. Further, Rogue's Decks allow users with ranks in perform to make perform checks with the deck as if their ranks were in the perform style "card tricks." In addition, users of a Rogue's Deck can throw a card or cards at targets as weapons. Thrown cards fly towards and strike targets in precisely the same fashion as missiles generated by a magic missile spell save that cards inflict only 1 point of damage. For the purpose of determining the number of missiles, range, and other variables the effective caster level is equal to one half the user's ranks in perform. Cards thrown are never damaged and reappear in the deck as soon as they make impact.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, magic missile, prestidigitation; Cost 27,000 gp.
Sweet, now I can play Gambit! or a Huckster...heh
I like the item tho.
OK, I will be able to get to some more here today. Not many, but some...
:)
Thanks for your patience and continue to discuss the items yourselves.
FEYBLOOD CRYSTAL
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot neck; Price 16,000 gp; Weight –DESCRIPTION
A small drop of fey blood captured in amber and strung with a silver cord, this amulet grants the wearer a bond with the natural world and enhances pre-existing natural bonds. The amulet grants a +5 competance bonus on Survival checks. Wielders of the Fey type may use Supernatural or Spell-Like Abilities granted by their race more than once a day an additional time each day. Wielders with the Woodland Stride Ability may move through thorns, briars, and overgrown areas which have been magically manipulated to impede motion freely for a number of rounds each day equal to their Hit Dice; these rounds need not be consecutive. Divine Casters with the air, animal, earth, fire, plant, water, or weather domains may use the second level Spell-Like Ability granted by these domains an additional time each day.
CONSTRUCTION .
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Entangle, creator must be a Fey type or sorcerer of the Fey Bloodline; Cost 8,000 gp
I wrote:
"This doesnt do much. There are very few fey creatures (in the SRD anyway) that have powers that are usuable more than once per day--the dryad I think and the grig have a couple but thats it. A pumped up woodland stride. Yawn. An extra domain spell. Hm.
I wanted to like it. I like fey. I think there should be more fey stuff that is cool. I like the name. I like the first line of text of the blood in amber. I just dont see many characters caring at all about this."
Then I put:
"The more I look at it, the item simply seems to be a buff item for that player's fey druid or ranger PC. That really is about the only thing that ties it together. I was blinded by my irrational desire to find something cool for fey, anything."
Hope that helps!
Clark
OK, firstly thanks to Clark for taking time out to give feedback on this stuff. I can only guess how busy he and the others have been since entries closed.
Right: here's mine.
Kingsbane Decanter
Aura: faint transmutation. CL 5th
Slot –
Price 14,140 gpAt times, an assassin needs to attack a subject in plain view. The Kingsbane Decanter offers such an opportunity.
Fashioned in a regal style, it can hold any potable liquid, and is designed to be easily poured from behind a person. The contents are quite safe to drink, and the almost everyone served from the Decanter will safely enjoy their refreshment.
A Kingsbane Decanter functions once per day. When the Command Word is spoken (even under one’s breath), the liquid inside the Decanter becomes subject to a Poison effect, as per the spell. When this transformed liquid is consumed, the target must make a Fortitude Save (DC 16) or suffer 1d10 CON damage: a second save one minute later is also required, else the subject suffers the same effect. The taste, smell and appearance of the liquid are not affected by the enchantment.
On speaking another Command Word, the liquid becomes safe to drink again. Thus, many people can be served before and after the target, allaying suspicion that the victim’s drink was responsible.
Construction: Requirements – Craft Wondrous Item, Poison, Neutralise Poison
Cost – 7070 gp
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From feedback on earlier items and the Also-Ran Thread, I can guess why the Judges passed on this one.Still, it was a great experience and has fuelled thoughts for next year.
Here is what I put:
"Plot device. Do you really want these magic items floating around? Besides, they wouldnt work. Once they became known, every king would have the court magic guy cast detect magic on the serving utensils--hey wait, any one with a brain does that already!"
okay, I'll throw mine in, because I said on another thread I was going to, although after looking through the winners I think I can see why it didn't make the cut. (still feedback is always appreciated).
SPIRIT BOTTLE
Aura Strong Necromancy; CL 17th;
Slot --; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.Description
A delicate cage of mithral cradles this long-necked, gray glass bottle. A cork, capped with silver, is attached to the bottles cage by a fine mithral chain. The bottle can be used to store liquids (about one quart) but any liquid placed within quickly develops a rancid taste. By uncorking an empty spirit bottle and issuing a command the bearer can force an undead creature with the incorporeal subtype within 50 feet into the bottle. If the undead fails a will save (DC 23) it is sucked into the bottle (which automatically caps itself). An opponent that makes its save cannot be affected by that bottle for 24 hours. An incorporeal creature inside the bottle is trapped and cannot pass out of it. A trapped creature can be released only if the cork is removed or the bottle broken (hardness 2, 3 HP), a released creature cannot be trapped in that bottle again until at least 24 hours have passed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, soul bind; Cost 25,000 gp
This is a pretty limited item, since there are really only 3 or so incorporeal undead. Other judges got to this one first, so my comments were rather limited. The primary problem is how limited this is and that it wouldnt see much use. As a result, my comments were a bit humorous. I normally dont do that. But since your item had already essentially been rejected by the time I got to it, rather than just his the "reject" button I posted this little gem:
"Not bad. I like the idea behind it conceptually. But I just dont like nuking a whole creature type or subtype. Someone needs to stand up for the undead! They are under-represented. I mean, clerics and paladins team up on them. There are spells just to nuke them and them alone. And now we need another item just to pick on incorporeal undead? Seriously, would you permit a "kobold bottle" that allows small draconic creatures within 50 feet to be sucked into the bottle? Of course not! So why the double standard for undead, I want to know!
Let clerics and paladins do their job! Keep the undead out of the bottle! Vote to reject this item!"
Then I hit reject.
I really liked the name. I dont mind the mechanic. My joking post aside, my main concerns were its limited applicability and the fact that it blasts an entire creature sub-type. Now, the fact that that sub-type is so small is one of its minuses (limited usefulness) but also a strength (limited power of the item means its not too uber). Plus, it also felt a bit "Ghostbusters" too me. :) I will admit, this was very subjective rejection.
OK, I'll put my neck on the chopping block...
Charon-shard
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 46,800 gp; Weight 2 lb.Description
This clot-red shard of daemon pate whispers across honed steel like a conspirator plotting murderous treason. Once per day, as a standard action, a Charon-shard can lower the massive damage threshold for a weapon to 25 points of damage and one-quarter of the target’s maximum hit points. The duration is 24 hours, or until an opponent fails a saving throw against massive damage or maiming.
In addition, the wielder can strike an enemy’s limb in lieu of a standard massive damage saving throw. If this saving throw (Fort DC 15 + Strength modifier) fails, the target loses the use of the limb for as long as it has outstanding hit point damage. A slashing weapon instead permanently severs the limb.
A maimed arm, tentacle or other appendage may no longer use items, make attacks or cast spells with somatic components. A maimed leg renders the target prone and immobile apart from crawl actions. A maimed wing does not support flight. Immunity to critical hits does not prevent maiming.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, bestow curse, slay living; Cost 23,400 gp
Hmm, the boards ate my post.
The other two judges had rejected this before I got to it. But I agree with their comments.
First, I think this is more a weapon property than a wondrous item. But as I read it this is essentially a sharpening stone that you can rub on the sword and make it do what it does.
Second, you refer to limb severance and that mechanic was removed from 3E (which is why we dont have the sword of sharpness anymore; which I hate because I loved the sword of sharpness)
And there was some light fun had with the phrase "demon pate".
Please be as blunt and honest as possible. I can only learn from this. Thank you in advance for your time.
Divine symbol of faith
Aura:faint evocation CL:5th
Slot:-- Price: 18,400 Weight:--description
The Divine symbol of faith is a master crafted holy symbol. For all intents and purpose it functions just as any other holy symbol with three additional features. The first is whenever the wielder uses the divine symbol of faith as her focus for channeling positive energy she gains a bonus of 2D6 to her positive energy burst. Secondly using a command word she may use the divine symbol of faith to cast the spell searing light (CL 5) 3/day. Lastly the wielder may, with the use of a command word, cast the spell consecrate (CL 3) once per day with the divine symbol of faith as the focal point.
construction
Requirements:Craft wondrous Item, searing light, consecrate. In addition the holy symbol must have positive energy channeled into it during the creation by a 3rd level cleric/6th level paladin. Cost: 9,200
This one didnt get a lot of discussion. It was rejected pretty quickly. Its main dings are that it is overpowered and the name is too bland.
I wrote: "Good cleric swiss army knife. Pass. Sure, my good cleric would like one, too. But that's not the point. This does too much."
I hope that helps.
Clark
"Are you kidding me? Blinding, Hiding, Flying, Gaseous form. Hey, maybe it can heal you too and buff your sword to a flaming sword! This is a little too much."...Ha! Much appreciated and it sounds as if it was memorable, if not in a good way.
Not at all to argue the point but purely as a comment on my process, I compared this to the cloak of arachnidia as an attack/movement item and was fairly happy at the time with the cost for a once-per-day shield of blinding effect plus 90 feet of movement. Clearly that was badly misjudged for its combined effect.
I think it really needed something to close off the potential for carrying a whole belt pouch of these and using them repeatedly. Once per day should mean just that for this item.
Here is what your item needed: a clearer description of its limits.
I didnt really appreciate that you only get one round of being in smoke form at the time because it is not clearly stated. Plus, at the time I also didnt fully understand that the "equipment up in flames" was not just special effects and actually meant that your stuff was destroyed. This is, essentially, a really costly (to you and your stuff) escape item. I actually like it a lot better. I probably owe you an "I'm sorry," because I didnt understand your item as well as I should have. But on the flip side, had things been clearer or more up front, I might have had less issues with it. So I'm sorry if I didnt get your item. And I'm sorry we have so many submissions that items dont get that second look from a judge. Its like a first date, you gotta impress me the first time.
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Gloves of the Puppeteer
Aura strong necromancy; CL 15th
Slot hands; Price 150,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Gloves of the Puppeteer must be crafted from skin flayed from a living member of the would-be puppet's family. Upon a successful touch attack with the Gloves, the victim's soul is stored inside them (DC 25 will save); invisible, string-like "soul tendrils" link the puppet's body to the Gloves. The puppeteer must concentrate to control the puppet and he/she may scry it (no Will save).
As the body now contains no soul it has the traits of an undead, with the exception of being vulnerable to immediate death effects (e.g. Finger of Death), the only way of destroying it as they sever the body's connection to the soul. The puppeteer may channel spells through the puppet as if it were a familiar, its actions are not limited by morality or alignment.
At any time, the puppeteer may shape the puppet's soul into an outsider of the puppet's original alignment and challenge rating in a plane of his/her choice under his/her control.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Planar Ally, Dimension Door, Dominate Person, Scry, Trap the Soul, Special: Familiar; Cost 100,000 gp
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I would personally love your item (rather than just like it) if it had unique effects, rather than "like X spell" effects.
You're right, and that's probably what killed my item. I leaned too heavily on existing spell descriptions to fit everything I wanted into 200 words. Plus, it's the first magical item I've ever created, so I was perhaps more cautious than I should have been. Again, thanks for the feedback!!
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Rogue's RougeI love how this uses the two variants of the most often misspelled word in D&D! :D
I really like your item. Spell in a can? Maybe, but it's a good one and some of the better ones advanced their authors forward. It's a shame yours didn't.
Thanks!! I'm glad you liked it!
mmm since i am not native speaker i din't noticed it
but after reading it I just love itas you mention is abasic for a campaign of intrigues and cloak & dagger :D
i like it
I'm glad you caught on to the word play. Thanks for the nice comment! :-)
Ok Clark, so let me just say I think the fact you are doing this makes you both awesome and certifiable. That said here is some more work for you should yo have time. I would appreciate your comments.
Headband of Sixth sense
Aura: Moderate Divination
CL: 3
Slot: Head
Price: 2300GP
Weight: 1Ib
Description
This fine silver headband has an opal gem set so it rests on the forehead of the wearer. The headband grants the wearer an enhancement to her senses. The wearer gains +2 to perception based checks as if the wearer had taken the Alertness feat. Like the feat if the wearer has 10 or more ranks in a perception based skill this bonus becomes +4. The Wearer also gains an intuitive understanding in combat and is treated as having the Improved initiate feat adding +4 to Initiative rolls. If the wearer already has these skills the bonus’ are cumulative. Once a day the wearer can Detect Thoughts exactly like the spell.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts
Cost: 1150GP
Here are my thoughts
1) Not a great name
2) maybe not exciting enough, no Wow factor, not a cool object etc
3) Feats and spell in a can
4) Although it's themed it possibly does too much.
However, even though I've been playing this game almost 20 years this was the first item I've ever designed and I had a blast doing it.
Good luck to the 32
Elcian
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Ok Clark, so let me just say I think the fact you are doing this makes you both awesome and certifiable. That said here is some more work for you should yo have time. I would appreciate your comments.
Headband of Sixth sense
Aura: Moderate Divination
CL: 3
Slot: Head
Price: 2300GP
Weight: 1IbDescription
This fine silver headband has an opal gem set so it rests on the forehead of the wearer. The headband grants the wearer an enhancement to her senses. The wearer gains +2 to perception based checks as if the wearer had taken the Alertness feat. Like the feat if the wearer has 10 or more ranks in a perception based skill this bonus becomes +4. The Wearer also gains an intuitive understanding in combat and is treated as having the Improved initiate feat adding +4 to Initiative rolls. If the wearer already has these skills the bonus’ are cumulative. Once a day the wearer can Detect Thoughts exactly like the spell.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts
Cost: 1150GPHere are my thoughts
1) Not a great name
2) maybe not exciting enough, no Wow factor, not a cool object etc
3) Feats and spell in a can
4) Although it's themed it possibly does too much.However, even though I've been playing this game almost 20 years this was the first item I've ever designed and I had a blast doing it.
Good luck to the 32
Elcian
2 feats including a stacking +4 Initiative bonus...for 2300gp...I think that's one problem right there.
2 feats including a stacking +4 Initiative bonus...for 2300gp...I think that's one problem right there.Ok Clark, so let me just say I think the fact you are doing this makes you both awesome and certifiable. That said here is some more work for you should yo have time. I would appreciate your comments.
Headband of Sixth sense
Aura: Moderate Divination
CL: 3
Slot: Head
Price: 2300GP
Weight: 1IbDescription
This fine silver headband has an opal gem set so it rests on the forehead of the wearer. The headband grants the wearer an enhancement to her senses. The wearer gains +2 to perception based checks as if the wearer had taken the Alertness feat. Like the feat if the wearer has 10 or more ranks in a perception based skill this bonus becomes +4. The Wearer also gains an intuitive understanding in combat and is treated as having the Improved initiate feat adding +4 to Initiative rolls. If the wearer already has these skills the bonus’ are cumulative. Once a day the wearer can Detect Thoughts exactly like the spell.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts
Cost: 1150GPHere are my thoughts
1) Not a great name
2) maybe not exciting enough, no Wow factor, not a cool object etc
3) Feats and spell in a can
4) Although it's themed it possibly does too much.However, even though I've been playing this game almost 20 years this was the first item I've ever designed and I had a blast doing it.
Good luck to the 32
Elcian
Yeah, I thought the costing might be off but in truth I had no idea where to start costing for feats. Having seen everyone elses items the cost looks very cheap!
Elcian
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...i also realized I copied an earlier version. This was what I submitted, under 200 words.
Rouge of Venomous Vengeance
I really like this item, and I'm glad it didn't get dq'd for going over word count because that would have been sad! I did notice that you didn't include "Cost" in the Requirements section, which probably was a strike against you. I love your execution of the poison theme. Good luck next year!
Oh, and this item will also be making it's way into my game in the near future :-).
Hi,
Would be great to get some feedback on my item.
Thanks
Richard
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Djellaba of the Blue Lotus
Aura Strong varied; CL 12th
Slot body; Price 62,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This azure robe is embroidered with lotus flowers and mystic symbols. Created by a guild of powerful arcanists from all corners of Golarion, it allows a guild member (or other arcane spellcaster) to wield magic from four diverse esoteric traditions.
Once per day he can:
• Conjure a small flying cloud which acts as a personal carpet of flying, lasting 12 hours
• Summon a tiny genie to fetch any one arcane spell of 4th level or lower from the Genie Kingdoms. It takes the genie 1d4+4 rounds to find the spell which then can be cast instead of a prepared spell or slot of the same level.
• Grow a third eye between his eyebrows, allowing him to visualise the answer to a troubling question (as divination)
Three times per day, he can conjure a swirling cloud of flying axes granting a +4 deflection bonus to AC for 12 rounds.
Finally, the robe grants a +4 armour bonus to AC.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, divination, mage armour, shield of faith, overland flight, summon monster VI; Cost 31,000 gp
What you will probably come to notice is that items werent really rejected for nit picky mechanics reasons, such as that you have a +2 instead of a +3. If we did that, no items would make the top 32. Our review is much bigger picture than that.
Is it evocative?
Is it interestsing?
Is it properly powered?
Is it well designed to a theme?
Is it properly costed?
Is is properly limited?
Does it use mechanics in an interesting way?
Does it do something new?
Do the mechanics work overall?
Is it well written?
Did the author stay on task and follow instructions?
I mean, I cant say that we formalized this list or anything. Its not like there is a rubrick. But you can see from our reviews that we took a bigger picture approach. What we dont do is nit pick the little design details.
Hi,
Would be great to get some feedback on my item.
Thanks
Richard
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Djellaba of the Blue Lotus
I'll get to yours in turn, but I have to say that if I remember right Wolf really LOVED the name of this item and wanted to find a way to keep it.
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Looking back at my files I've got a bad feeling that what I sent was the earlier draft so I probably got rejected for not having the right format. But my new year resolution was to ask for feedback on anything I write this year so if anybody has anything to say about this apart from the incorrect format then I'd like to get any comments. Thanks.
Tattoed Rod
Tattooed rods, or sigil sticks, provide spellcasting power to anyone. The rod, constructed of a length of bone wrapped in a sheath of vellum tattooed with up to three magic runes, can be used once a day to activate one tattoo and cast the appropriate spell as a standard action by simply grasping the rod and pointing it at the target.
Alternatively, the sheath can be placed on a limb to transfer the spell tattoos to the wielder as a full round action (for 24 hours or until the tattoos are transferred back to the wielder by reversing the process). Spontaneous arcane casters of sufficient level to cast the spells temporarily add them to their spells known. A wielder lacking the appropriate spell slots can activate each tattoo once as a spell-like ability.
Tattooed rods can hold up to three spells totalling 9 spell levels maximum.
Creation requisites:
Craft wondrous item
Skills: Knowledge (arcane), Spellcraft.
Spells: Arcane mark, required arcane spells.
Caster level: Minimum required for highest level spell.
Aura: moderate (or higher) universal CL: minimum 3rd.
Slot: none (maximum three tattoos)
Weight: 1lb
Price: 2,700gp (1 0th level spell) to 397,800gp (3 spells, at least one 9th level)
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Any feedback gratefully received (anticipating RPGS2010).
Parliament of Rooks
I have to agree with Sigil, this item is pretty cool! My original DnD character, Elora the bard, would have gone bonkers over this crown. I can think of several of my players who would also love it.
It could use a better name, but that's easily fixed :-).
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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"Are you kidding me? Blinding, Hiding, Flying, Gaseous form. Hey, maybe it can heal you too and buff your sword to a flaming sword! This is a little too much."...Ha! Much appreciated and it sounds as if it was memorable, if not in a good way.
Not at all to argue the point but purely as a comment on my process, I compared this to the cloak of arachnidia as an attack/movement item and was fairly happy at the time with the cost for a once-per-day shield of blinding effect plus 90 feet of movement. Clearly that was badly misjudged for its combined effect.
I think it really needed something to close off the potential for carrying a whole belt pouch of these and using them repeatedly. Once per day should mean just that for this item.
Here is what your item needed: a clearer description of its limits.
I didnt really appreciate that you only get one round of being in smoke form at the time because it is not clearly stated.
Yes (in fact, you get only the duration of the move). I can see now what sort of impression it would give if the user could stay in smoke form and do other things.
Plus, at the time I also didnt fully understand that the "equipment up in flames" was not just special effects and actually meant that your stuff was destroyed. This is, essentially, a really costly (to you and your stuff) escape item. I actually like it a lot better.
You do? You were right the first time (and three words could have made that clear in the submission), I intended it to transport the user's items as well. Sorry that I didn't address that earlier.
I probably owe you an "I'm sorry," because I didnt understand your item as well as I should have. But on the flip side, had things been clearer or more up front, I might have had less issues with it. So I'm sorry if I didnt get your item. And I'm sorry we have so many submissions that items dont get that second look from a judge. Its like a first date, you gotta impress me the first time.
Certainly no need for that - it was unclear and I didn't think through how it would read to someone else, which are not desirable qualities when writing an adventure. It may help to get a second person to read through my work for the next time.
Any feedback gratefully received (anticipating RPGS2010).
Parliament of Rooks
I really like this item - lots of creepy flavour!
Richard
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Thanks to Elora, Sigil and RichGreen01 for their feedback. Always good to know an idea is appreciated regardless of making the final 32 (or not in this case).
This is a fully international competition so to clarify; "parliament" is the collective noun for a group of rooks (and also owls) in English english (but possibly not in other variations). The abilities assigned in the item mirror the English folklore regarding rooks.
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Here's my submission. Clark, and anyone else, I'd love to hear feedback.
STUDY AID
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot –; Price 12,000 gp; Weight -
DESCRIPTION
One end of this silver bookmark is shaped like an elephant, sphinx, dragon, or other creature known for its mental prowess. When placed between the pages of a spellbook for 24 hours, it attunes itself to that grimoire.
Once attuned, a wizard may prepare spells from that spellbook with great alacrity. Preparing all of your spells takes 20 minutes. Preparing a smaller portion of your spells takes a proportionally smaller amount of time, but always at least 5 minutes. Furthermore, a study aid allows for preparation of spells in an environment which would normally prevent concentration, such as loud distractions or inclement weather.
Once per day, a wizard may use a study aid to exchange one prepared spell for one in their spellbook of equal of lower level. This requires a standard action, which provokes attacks of opportunity.
Finally, inserting a study aid into a non-magical book allows the user to skim through the book and find interesting or useful passages in half of the time it would usually take.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fox’s cunning, mnemonic enhancer; Skill Craft (jewelrymaking); Cost 6,000 gp
Man Clark you really are insane. This really shows how you got where you are. You just never stop working. Review me please. 2 or 3 pages about how it was so awesome you worried about the demoralizing effect it would have on the other contestants, etc...
EDIT: Anyone else is also welcome to chime in with their friendly opinion.
DEATH MASK
Aura faint necromancy and abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
When this specially prepared veil of flesh is laid over the face of the victim of a traumatic death it shapes itself to the features of the deceased and holds that shape permanently. When held near the face of a living person the death mask clings to the wearer bestowing its dark powers. Anyone wearing the mask may command undead at will, as the spell. If a new target is selected the initial target will immediately be released from control.
The wearer may also, cause fear, as the spell, up to 3 times per day.
At any time, the wearer may choose to assume the guise of an undead. This will cause unintelligent undead to ignore the wearer and intelligent undead to have a starting attitude of friendly toward the wearer. Non-undead are unaffected by this power.
Each of these powers requires a standard action and provokes an attack of opportunity. Each time a power is used there is a 1% chance that it will become permanently attached.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Command Undead, Cause Fear, Disguise Self; Cost 8,000 gp
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Here's my submission. Clark, and anyone else, I'd love to hear feedback.
STUDY AID
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot –; Price 12,000 gp; Weight -
DESCRIPTION
One end of this silver bookmark is shaped like an elephant, sphinx, dragon, or other creature known for its mental prowess. When placed between the pages of a spellbook for 24 hours, it attunes itself to that grimoire.
Once attuned, a wizard may prepare spells from that spellbook with great alacrity. Preparing all of your spells takes 20 minutes. Preparing a smaller portion of your spells takes a proportionally smaller amount of time, but always at least 5 minutes. Furthermore, a study aid allows for preparation of spells in an environment which would normally prevent concentration, such as loud distractions or inclement weather.
Once per day, a wizard may use a study aid to exchange one prepared spell for one in their spellbook of equal of lower level. This requires a standard action, which provokes attacks of opportunity.
Finally, inserting a study aid into a non-magical book allows the user to skim through the book and find interesting or useful passages in half of the time it would usually take.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fox’s cunning, mnemonic enhancer; Skill Craft (jewelrymaking); Cost 6,000 gp
Nice, I like this item. Seems like an item every wizard would want. A similar prayer beads of communion would allow a cleric to gain their spells in a similar manner.
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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I wrote:"This doesnt do much. There are very few fey creatures (in the SRD anyway) that have powers that are usuable more than once per day--the dryad I think and the grig have a couple but thats it. A pumped up woodland stride. Yawn. An extra domain spell. Hm.
I wanted to like it. I like fey. I think there should be more fey stuff that is cool. I like the name. I like the first line of text of the blood in amber. I just dont see many characters caring at all about this."
Then I put:
"The more I look at it, the item simply seems to be a buff item for that player's fey druid or ranger PC. That really is about the only thing that ties...
Out of the SRD Fey, the Dryad, Grig, and Nixie have multi-use SLAs. The Nixie, Pixie and Satyr do not benefit without taking class levels. So half of the Fey in the SRD benefit from this. I wanted this to be an item that could benefit the types of enemies who might be found with it, making it useful for the DM as well as the players.
Sorcerer of the Fey Bloodline, Druids, and Rangers benefit from the Woodland Stride boost. In fact, it was the Sorcerer 3rd level ability that inspired this feature of the item. I started this item looking at the Fey BL Sorcerer trying to find some way to benefit it at mid-levels, and wanted to tie it into other "Natural" classes. Woodland Stride was the commonality I found.
Clerics of Erastil, Torag, Sarenrae, Shelyn, Abadar, Irori, Gozreh, Pharasma, Asmodeus, or Rovagug, as well as Druids can benefit from the Domain bonus. This was my attempt at making the item useful to other "Natural" character types.
It's kind of funny, I thought maybe you saw it as swiss army, and here you say it's not useful enough. I guess I was off the mark more than one way.
Still, the process had me thinking of ways I could make it better, and I'm off to create my "Blood Talisman" line of Sorcerer Bloodline items for my campaigns.
Thank you very much for your comments, and for all the great advice in the other threads here. I really appreciate the feedback, as well as all the stuff I've learned reading the critiques of other items.
Here's my submission. Clark, and anyone else, I'd love to hear feedback.
STUDY AID
I have no time for a longer review right now, but after a quick read, my first reaction is - cool item, cool idea, interesting mechanics, but what a terrible name for an item that's supposed to wondrous...
Aside from the name, I think this item could fit pretty comfortably in the top 32 in all respects...
Hello Clark and thank you very much for agreeing to review the pieces. Could you please give me your comments on my submission? Thank you in advance. ~LD
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Hoop of Holding
Aura moderate transmutation and enchantment; CL 5
Slot varies; Price 10,500 ; Weight 1.5 lb.
Description:
This hemp-woven three foot diameter hoop is thrown around creatures to entrap. When a user's ranged touch attack with a range increment of 10 feet succeeds, and the user speaks the command word "tighten," the hoop's hemp constricts until taut, binding a creature's legs or arms. The command word "loosen" makes the hoop expand to its original size.
The user's command word “halt” (usable 1x/day) causes the hoop to activate “hold person,” which renders creatures completely immobile.
A small to large creature may escape a hoop's binding with a DC 20 Escape Artist check or a DC 23 Strength check. If encircled, tiny or huge creatures are only affected by the “halt” command. The hoop has 2 hit points, and AC 10.
The hoop may only constrict as small as one half foot in diameter. A tighter constriction strains the hemp strands which snap to a “loosened” state.
Hoops are often carried around an adventurers' thigh or neck, contracting to fit the skin, then expanding when commanded.
Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope, hold person; Cost 5250
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Clark please review my item...
BRIDLE OF HEROISM
Aura Strong enchantment; Cl 13th
Slot none; Price 110,500 gp; Weight 2 lb.
Description
This item is a little larger than a normal bridle and it is mostly silver in color. The bridle will work on any type of riding animal that uses a bridle. This item provides a +5 competence bonus on Ride checks. The user may pull the bridle in four quick pulls to invoke the spell of Heroism (caster level 12th). The Heroism spell can be used twice a day.
Construction requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heroism; Cost 55,250 gp;
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Any feedback gratefully received
Parliament of Rooks
I'm just getting around to noticing this one. Very evocative. The sheer number of effects might have worked against it.
A variation on this might be a raven-topped circled that grants uncanny dodge (which stacks with the class ability of the same name to grant improved uncanny dodge) as the ravens warn the wearer of danger, confers deathwatch at will (viewing the fates of others) and allows the user to cast cause fear 1 / day (revealing some dire fate to a foe).
A weaker version could just provide bonuses to Perception checks (ravens warn of danger), Heal checks (raven can help stave off death) and Intimidate checks (creepy scary birds).
All sorts of neat raven-themed items could work here. One might even call up a 'parliament of rooks' that functions as a Summon Swarm (bats) spell or something.
What a freaking evocative item! It's totally inspiring!
Well, I didn't make the cut, but I'd definitely like to know what you thought of my item
Spellslayer's Gauntlet
Aura moderate Abjuration; CL 11th
Slot hands; Price 40,400 gp; Weight 1 lb.Description
This gauntlet appears to be crafted of black leather and dark iron plates etched with incomprehensible runes, the fingers coming to almost claw-like points. The gauntlet grants the wearer a spell resistance of 13, as well as several other abilities designed to combat magical effects. Twice a day, the wearer may make a touch attack against a target. If the attack is successful, the target is effected as if it had been the target of dispel magic with a caster level of 5th. Also, once a day, the wearer may cast antimagic field as an 11th level wizard.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spell resistance, dispel magic, antimagic field; Cost 20,200 gp
Wolf and I felt that was a bit generic of a bad guy item and a bit cliche in its execution with the clawed black gloves a la a scifi channel original movie. It didnt feel that original.
Reading it again, I still agree. But I do regret that we dont have hours and hours to read and reread these items. I think your item is better than the first impression it leaves the reader with. Problem is, you really only get to make a first impression. There is nothing mechanically wrong with your item. Its just that it is primarily a bad guy item, which gives it limited appeal. And the "clawed black glove" really dragged it down.
Clark
On a side note, I really feel ashamed of myself for bringing this to your attention Clark. I know we must take criticism and rejection as a way to grow in the craft, but I can't stop feeling the urge to just give up and say to myself, "WTF were you thinking? I don't deserve to waste people's time like this. Get real! Get grounded. Give Up! Get on with your life. At least you know what you shouldn't be doing". Crap! This feels like some pity plight. Well screw it. I tried. Be harsh. And whatever you do, be honest. Be evil. Be cruel. Slap me down. I won't let this be the end. I will grow. I am the flower between the cracks of the pavement.
Cheers to Paizo Community,
ZuxSprite Trapper’s Cage
Aura strong enchantment; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 100,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.Description
This tiny cage is fashioned from gold plated steel with Sylvan engravings. It is 7 inches in diameter and 7 inches tall. Inside the cage is a lure that is highly sought by Sprites, a unique mushroom preserved in amber. Setting this cage as a trap in a forest or aquatic environment normally yields a Sprite within a week. The Sprite Trapper is then able to direct the Sprite seven times, after which the Sprite is released. The only exception to the “7 Rule” is the Irresistible Dance. If this spell is cast (or played), the Sprite is released immediately. Sylvan engravings within the cage instruct Sprites to cooperate with the possessor of the cage or remain captive. Typical requests would be: Use one Spell-like ability, a Search Check, Read Sylvan, use a Special Arrow, etc.When this cage is first discovered there is a 30 percent chance that a Sprite is already held within. The Cage will appear empty until it is touched or the Sprite inside decides to reveal itself.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Binding (minimus containment); Cost 50,000 gp
Wow, you shouldnt think that at all. ALL THREE judges said you had "a real gem of an idea here." In fact, Sean even said that this item inspired him to realize that "the game should have a spell similar to planar ally, but for fey, which druids can use." Our problem was with the muddled execution. What it does and how it does it is a little unclear. But if I was you I would absolutely NOT give this up. You had a great idea here. What you need is a little work on detailing the mechanics of it.
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Pathfinder’s Handyman
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot ---; Price 3,125 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
The Handyman looks like a bronze knife hilt with a round cross-guard and a small sphere in place of a blade. Runic icons ring the outside of the cross-guard. Touching a rune activates a property of the Handyman; touching it again deactivates it. Multiple runes may function simultaneously if their functions don’t conflict. The hilt of the Handyman can be twisted to lengthen or shorten it, allowing it to extend up to 10 feet. The runes are:
-Light: The Handyman glows as the Light spell.
-Rope: The sphere can be pulled, extending up to 100 feet of silk rope between the sphere and the hilt. Tapping the rune reels the rope back in.
-Project: Fires the sphere like a projectile, trailing the rope between it and the hilt.
-Magnet: Magnetizes the Handyman.
-Sledge, Shovel, Hammer, Pick, Grappling Hook, Compass, Knife: Each rune transforms the sphere into the desired tool.
-Torque: The Handyman transforms into a mundane torque bracelet on the wielder’s wrist. Only the Torque and Light runes are visible and functional.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Alter Self, Light; Cost 1,563 gp
I now realize the pit fall of swiss army knives (I still think it might be a cool item a PC would want) and will redirect my focus for next year. Thanks again for your time and the feedback.
(And I capitalized the spell names, doh!)
If you wouldn't mind giving some feed back clark. :)
Amphora of Humble Offering
Aura faint Necromantic; CL 3rd
Slot - ; Price 1600 gp; Weight 15 lb.
Description
A common tool amongst worshippers of Pharasma, this simple Amphora is made from earthen wear and glazed with images of grape vines. This Amphora is used to make libations of wine to the goddess.
Once per day as a standard action, the contents can be poured onto a non-pours surface, where it can pool. The wine from the amphora is irresistible to the undead creatures. They will cease what ever they are doing, to lap up the wine, even breaking of combat to drink it, however if attacked they will defend them selves.
Unintelligent undead cannot resist the urge to sup form the liquid, but intelligent undead may make a will check (DC 13) to avoid the urge. Incorporeal undead are especially vulnerable to the lure of the libation, suffering a -2 to their will save.
While supping, an undead creature can do nothing else. The Amphora contains enough wine to occupy one creature for 5 minutes.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Command undead; Skill craft (ceramics); Cost 800 gp
Oh Zombie, this was yours! Cool.
Wolfgang LOVED this item. He loved the idea of undead lapping up this stuff.
Two things held you down. First, the mechanics are wonky. There were issues with range of the effect and what happens if multiple undead are affected and some other issues. And second, there are some real significant grammar issues. The writing, we felt, was subpar beyond simply some editorial fixes. This needed a pretty significant editorial pass that just wasnt Superstar.
But that said, all of us felt that you were trying to create an item that was truly wondrous, that you have a lot going on creatively and we all wanted to see what you could do in the next round. The problem was that, compared to other entries, the mechanics and the grammar and writing issues couldnt permit it to advance. Wolf though it was cool and possibly, just on coolness, good enough for top 32. It was Sean and I that said no. Sorry about that. But you are real close here. This is a big idea, and we love those. Its easier to fix mechanic issues and writing issues than it is to teach someone to have big ideas who doesnt have them. So please keep it up.