Dr. Ms. Frankenslaad's page

QUIBBLEMUCH’S LAW OF CLONE INEFFICIENCY: Any time you'd save having extra hands is more than lost to having to battle them to the death over who is 'real'.

QUIBBLEMUCH’S LAW OF TEMPORAL MANIPULATION FOR TASK STREAMLINING: Any time you'd save by manipulating time is more than lost having to try to fix timelines after you accidentally kill your own grandpa as a child.

ADDENDUM: It gets exponentially worse when you develop both--then you accidentally kill your clone's grandpa as a boy and he creates other time-clones who hunt you down for revenge. Total cluster.

Hmmm, so you're saying that to stabilize the timeline, just before your deathbed, you travel back in time and ensure that you become everyone's grandpa or grandma. If you're everyone's grandparent, no one can kill you or they'll erase themself from existence.

"All You Zombies". :-)

* pours one out for Dolores O'Riordan *

Excerpt from a short story written as a guide to aliens for dealing with humans:

"Lawyers: If you see a human lawyer, run. If a human lawyer sees you, run faster. If a human lawyer is against you in a court case, give up before your sentence gets worse. If you see a human running away from something, it's probably a lawyer that they're running away from. Try to keep up. If caught by a human lawyer, attempt to do as little action as possible. If you don't provide them any stimulus they'll typically entertain themselves by filing petabytes of lawsuits on your behalf regarding particulates in the air instead of something worse. No sudden movements."

So you're saying the best way to make my bulette even more deadly is to hybridize it with a lawyer?

Hmmm. The lawyer shouldn't be a problem, but finding a bulette with mating standards that low may be tricky.

NobodysHome wrote:

Tequila Sunrise wrote:

I watched the (current) entirety of Warrior Nun, which is surprisingly really good. Plenty of action, relatable characters, and a positive theme. Looking forward to season 2!

That's good to hear. We got through 4 or 5 episodes and my judgement was, "No show with such a stupid title deserves to be this good!"

I'll see whether we can pick it up again...

I liked Warrior Nun Areala...

{ponders feasibility of warrior/capoeira milkmaids PF2E archetype}

Pulgewein's Fairy Klezmer Band wrote:

Odd - must be banned in the US... O well. All you missed out on was some Fairy Pickle Klezmer.

Sitll don't know what that means!

I'm guessing fairy pickles are made of mushrooms and is German for some reason (because "Klezmer" looks like a German word).

So German fairy pickles made from mushrooms.

Science wins again!

(I am aware this is incorrect. I just don't know what it is. I'm aaaaactually guessing that in real life, it's alcoholic, however, as I associate the word "schnapps" with some sort of Christmas sweets - I don't know if they are or not, it's just where I associated it - and most such things I associate like that which are not specifically known to me are inevitably alcoholic.)

I don't know about Drejk, but that's giving me more goblin alchemy ideas. Grumble, grumble, "PF2E alchemy isn't magic," grumble

Back when we lived in the mountains in northern Cali, my mom used to do a lot of trout fishing in the river. She would clean them and gut them, but leave the heads on, and freeze them nose-up in an empty quart milk carton. When they had frozen, she would just stack them up. It was a side-by-side freezer/refrigerator, so one entire narrow compartment of the freezer was just trout, frozen in quart cartons and stacked like cordwood, all the little faces just staring at you. It was creepy.

{scribbles down notes about "haunt/undead marine life frozen in iceberg/glacier warbling on in oracular stanzas/beat poetry/Dad jokes"}

Headache again :(

{gently presses caplets of acetaminophen + caffeine against laptop screen}

{ponders the Chaos! potential of genetically-engineered pugwampi-Monkey Santa hybrids}

Dr. Fronkensteen's Journal, 3/26/2020:

☑ Morgue Waiting room full of Transformer corpses patients and body parts, with more on the way?
☑ Dremel motor tool ordered?
☑ Polymer clay ordered shipped?
☑ Small set of knives, opticians' screwdrivers, and other tools ordered shipped?
☑ Mailcarrier now likely assuredly plotting my demise?
☑ One sketchbook already filled?
☑☑☑☑ Ideas, oh so many ideas, many wondrous, some horrifying, and most of them likely to be way too ambitious?
☐ Self-restraint?

The home office setup is a rousing success! As much oddball furniture as possible was used.

I misread that as "oddjob furniture" (Freudian slip?) and now expect a home office with various pieces of furniture that can behead your wife's visiting clients/bosses with razor-edged bowler hats.

Gum is teh WORST!

it gets stuck everywhere it isnt supposed to be!

Only thing worse is glitter.

Seriously,...

Spoiler:

Glitter is the herpes of theater. There is SO much glitter in the cracks of my stage, I think it might be the only thing holding the old building together.

Thank you for the new monster idea.

Well, it's Cosmo, so it's probably a tongue.

Or a liver. Or a spleen. Or a spare squeedily spooch...

Eddie Lizzard wrote:

were-corgi.

O.O

Well. We-he-he-he-heeeeehhhhlllllll, then. Heheheh. Yes. >:)

I need to finish that were-corgi skinwalker heritage I was tinkering on a while back. I need to finish so many things.

Kids went out on a lake in a swan boat and didn’t get lost...

...they got attacked by a swan!

*sigh*

How much to bribe Drejk to create an apparatus of the crab swan?

Edit: Nekkid apparatus? Oh my!

Freehold DM wrote:

AMBY PM

That really does sound like a medication, especially when it is in all caps.

You're not wrong. Ambien knockoff.

My own comical (for observers) physical coordination and frightening (for other motorists) driving are bad enough when I'm stone-cold sober. I refuse to take the blame for anyone else operating under the effects of Amby PM.

Although, I could put a six-figure endorsement deal from a pharmaceutical manufacturer to very very good use especially now.

Dr. Ms. Frankenslaad wrote:

Can you suggest a better name (preferably one word) for a new investigator archetype than "clockwork savant"?

What does it do?

This. It's rebuilt version of the tinkerer alchemist but for investigators. Stuff in red still needs reworking/rewording.

I'm not 100% set on the new names ("daedalos" was "clockwork savant", "agalma" was "bonded clockwork", "ballistoli" was "boltthrower") or the power-level of the archetype (may be a bit high, but investigators are often somewhat underpowered especially at lower levels).

The Google DOC is set for comments/questions/suggestions/nitpicks if you have any. (Anyone else here can comment too, if they'd like.)

Can you suggest a better name (preferably one word) for a new investigator archetype than "clockwork savant"?

Welclum toe ar baeutifule cruntry.

Yeah, this year's influenza vaccine is largely ineffective against this new, more resistant, Welsh flu.

Howdy and Happy Saturday, O' Most Sagacious Jacobsaur!

Q: Is there unrevealed lore about the origin of firepelt cougars, like Azlanti biotinkering, extra-Golarion emigration, or exposure to a magical event/natural magic "radiation"? Of did they just differentiate naturally?

Thanks muchly

I know how that is.

Scotch tape works pretty good.

Cell phones? Bah. Get back to me when you're Fronkensteening together zombie servants out of assorted body parts, Flex Tape®, and static electricity from balloons.

Anymore questions for me?

If you could splice two critters together as new Pathfinder familiars, which combos would you make?

407. Pangolins with even harder scales.

435) A pangolin heritage of Small skinwalkers.

436) A race of humanoid glompadillos, only better than my anemic attempt.

395. Oozes, save that they're more intelligent than the average human and can assume the form of useful architecture/tower shields or two-handed weapons sized for creatures of their size (or equivalently sized weapons and shields for larger creatures).

433) A race of puddings/oozes who are like gametes and must seek out a single alchemical potion/elixir/oil/balm/etc. with which they permanently commingle/blend to become a new solid humanoid who can temporarily assume an oozy form but with limited oozy abilities that improve as they level up. Their humanoid attribute scores and racial traits are largely derived from the specific effects of the alchemical potion "parent".

423. Completely normal humanoid races, but with bobble heads.

434) A near-human race except physiologically-jointed enfleshed versions of the flailing inflatable noodlefolk.

388. A humanoid race that can wear the skulls of other races as headpieces and gain slight powers or variant abilities based on the race (and possibly sub-race) of the skull.

432) A humanoid race born with small mouth slits, nostrils, and transparent sealed eyelids, but otherwise lacking nearly any distinguishing physical outer characteristics of race, ethnicity, and sex; likewise, their mental mindset is similarly stunted and limited in flexibility/possibility. They are basically mannequins except of flesh instead of plastic. Upon maturing, they legally become adults by constructing their first mask, which grants them an unique individual physical appearance, and shapes their mental/emotional mindset, with all the traits they were lacking. As they gain additional life experiences and interact with other races, they may accrue "points" to fuel the crafting of other new masks, with each granting another unique form and identity.

Because they spend so much time interacting with other races, it is a not uncommon occurrence for a mask, especially the first one, to be inspired (often unconsciously) by a particularly charismatic and/or heroic/infamous individual of another race that the new guise it grants is similar enough physically and psychologically to be (mis)taken as the inspiring individual's sibling (with all the complications and entanglements that can involve). Unless specific intricate and costly arcane rituals are performed -- which even if successful, has not insignificant drawbacks -- they remain forever connected to their retinue/wardrobe of masks. Damage and/or destruction to a single mask is experienced as a severe wounding to their soul, including attribute damage and/or drain, and possibly even death if more than one mask is destroyed. Worse, desecration or "re-carving" of a mask can warp that individual into a "Renfield" unwilling bound to their new master.

In Golarion, this race's ancestry might (or might not) be traced back to followers of Sivanah from other races who collectively were curse/blessed by that deity for their own actions or as a means to an (unknown to mortals) end.

Edit: I think I need to separately write up this race myself.

369. A race that can share it's body with a dying creature's soul. Once a soul has been taken in, the visiting soul is stuck inside the body until either the host dies, in which case both souls head to the afterlife, or the visiting soul is brought back to life, in which case the soul returns to it's own body or occupy the new body.

374. A race that doesn't reproduce so much as they grow another soul, which they stuff into corpses.

431) A Pathfinder/Starfinder version of the Kobali from Star Trek: Voyager.

375. Giant immortal puppies (not dogs, puppies) that charms/dominates those who make eye contact with it.

375b. As standard 375, but they store their souls in paintings, such as these examples.

368. A race that is born with an incomplete soul. In order to survive past the first week, an animal must be sacrificed to supplement the newborn's soul.

369. A race that can share it's body with a dying creature's soul. Once a soul has been taken in, the visiting soul is stuck inside the body until either the host dies, in which case both souls head to the afterlife, or the visiting soul is brought back to life, in which case the soul returns to it's own body or occupy the new body.

429) A humanoid race born with an incomplete soul. Upon reaching adulthood, individuals are compelled to seek out an individual of another humanoid race and physically meld together with them into a new amalgam individual who is a hybrid of both parents physical and mental traits. Failure to meld leads to progressive weakness and eventually death.

430) An isolationist race of Large humanoids/giants who have no children. During their cyclical periods of fertility, the giants become contagious; prolonged contact, peaceable or otherwise, with Small and Medium humanoids will eventually infect these smaller races with a virus that slowly and uncomfortably, sometimes painfully, transforms them into members of the giant race. Conservation of mass and the cube-square rules both apply, so infected individuals are compelled to resort to incredible gluttony. Multiple Small and Medium infectees who spend too much time in close proximity find the virus will physically meld them together into a larger individual, regardless of their consent or mental compatibility, until full gianthood is reached.

356. A swarm in the shape of a humanoid, that can disassemble and reassemble at will.

427) A race of physically weak Small humanoids. Four of them can temporarily melt/change shape/amalgamate into a single strong & hardy Medium creature with lower mental attribute scores from four minds not being in total harmony. (Think fleshy versions of the combiner Devastator from the classic G1 Transformers cartoon. Do not think of the Michael Bay version.)

363. A race that gets less real or effective (like quasi-real shadow conjurations) the less hit points (or percentage of total hit points) they have.

428) A race with ancestral origins in the Chaotic plane of The Maelstrom/Limbo whose existence is based upon their own solipsistic force-of-will. Self-doubts and lowered self-esteem translates to varying states of physical intangibility -- which, if learned to be controlled, can be a genuine benefit in combat. But if pushed too far, their lack of surety can damn them to total dissolution.

{scribbles notes for possible tiefling variant abilities} Hmmm, yes, good...

Rysky wrote:

Selene Spires wrote:

Selene Spires wrote:

As I believe they are developing a show for their streaming channel ghi gee...

Autocorrect is mysterious...I do not even know what 'ghi gee' was even suppose to be....

I thought you were doing a cute laugh.

I think Ghi gee was a kind of Chinese mythical creature myself...

Selene Spires wrote:

Regarding Ghi Gee autocorrect...

I will Google it....

UPDATE!!!UPDATE!!!UPDATE!!!: I found nothing on Google.

Obviously a ghi gee is a Vudran monk's/brawler's outfit variant of a cloak of the manta ray that enables the wearer to instead assume the form of a buttery cloaker. It also grants a +2 bonus to the wearer's Craft (meal) skill checks.

{rolls for Bluff check}

Whoever is telling her this is full of it. And by "it," I mean they are full of compressed and fully processed food-waste-product (plus other bodily waste products, such as dead blood cells, and more) useful to the body primarily for excretion from the rear sphincter that is bounded by lower cheeks that hang out around the top of a person's thighs, below the spine.

And none of that should be placed into another person.

Because it is poison.

... just like the rumors being spread.

Ordinarily, I'd agree with you, but fecal transplants are a recognized medical treatment.

Which means the line of absolute crap being given to this woman is actually less useful than even actual human crap.

{pokes dead thread with stick} Now, while it's quiet and everyone is off fighting elsewhere, rise undead thread, RISE!

Wait, I get to pick between having a bunny or platypus as a pet.

Hmmm, platypunny? Time to Fronkenstein up a new critter.

Not only the time-share pitch, but it is required that you get the poison spurs removed, but also that you must name it Percival.

Sorry, I don't make these rules, I'm just the messenger.

Hmmm, The Adventures of Percival Platypunny and Bobbi Basselope...

I wish I knew more about how the Mechanic's AI companion worked.

Fromper wrote:

I'll definitely do a PC named Marvin. I just haven't decided if he'll be based on Marvin the Martian or Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Both:

"I'd be looking for my alludium Q38 explosive space modulator but I am so depressed, a brain the size of a planet and I can't remember where I put it"

Fromper: Or both, with Martian-Marvin as a mechanic with HHGttG-Marvin as the AI companion.

Bonus points if AI Marvin is a fork/copy of Martian-Marvin's mind with personality differences caused by digitizing/upload errors.

Triple word score if AI Marvin is instead the original which downloaded itself into a meatbody (Martian-Marvin) with personality differences caused by download errors and/or "filling in the gaps".

I blame Cosmo I'm stumped on a couple spell-like abilities for a monoeye bat-raven familiar.

I also blame Cosmo that I don't remember eyewings from 2e Planescape.

253. A humanoid plant race related to the common figs. In late adulthood, it puts down roots in a chosen location and metamorphosizes to its final Large immobile form. It begins emitting alraune-like aromas to attract humans, using them in place of wasps to crawl inside the oversized fruit, pollinating it and thus spawning the next generation.

Plausible Pseudonym wrote:

I note that in Black Markets Aggys, the Crone in the Cart of the Witchmarket, was listed as a LE female green hag witch 13. In this book she's a N female unique norn. Pretty big difference.

Whoops! That was news to me.

In any case, I'm going to say that the hag passing herself off as Aggys in Black Markets is an imposter, trading on Aggys' reputation. :)

It is the Witchmarket... maybe she has a Dr. Jekyll & Ms. Hyde going on? (NornAggys might not even be aware of HagAggys.)

Oooo, and I have the perfect idea! Yip yip yip!

They aren't fleshed-out, just mechanics (writer's blocked), but maybe the tatu might spark ideas for someone else. Also, their inspiration is very squee.

166. A race that's tapped into a "hivemind"/"internet"-like communication system with all other members of its race or clan or family, but that is otherwise fully independent.

167. One goblin, stacked on a second goblin, stacked on a third goblin, in a trench coat.

168. If you'd rather I go with something less silly, a totem pole creature that can split into multiple entities.

There is the coalescent race, with each "individual" consisting of an intelligent hiveminded swarm, in It Came from the Stars. A coalescent has to level up in their racial class to get full use of their abilities though. Maybe it can be mined for ideas/rebuilt?

71. Tiny blobs of slimes with minute black specs for eyes, and small pseudopods for hands and arms. They are 2 feet tall and eat grass and fallen tree branches for nourishment. They do not sleep, drink water and breath in oxygen through their mass.

And now that I have the PDF open, ICftS also has the Medium-sized amoebian race, who could easily be resized as Small and reflavored.

158. Mini-otyughs who live in small communities on oceanic garbage patches or graveyards of wrecked ships who accept donations from passing ships and trade the salvaged items they find.

158b. (I already worked this one up for a 3PP that never materialized:) An amphibious or fully-aquatic offshoot of mini-otyughs who consume waste from the water with their teeth (for carrion and larger waste), baleen-like filters (for smaller waste), and gills (which exchange oxygen and absorb the smallest waste chemicals and contaminants). While occasionally found singly or in pairs following large ships or small fleets, they prefer lakes, rivers, small seas, and coastlines near humanoid settlements cleaning up the sewage and other pollution (like tannery runoff).

158c. As a & b above, but a race of mini-otyughs adapted for outer space. While they can usually eek out subsistence calories from photosynthesis/solar radiation, they will often follow (or remora onto the hull) of Starfinder ships for the jettisoned waste. A few enterprising colonies have set-up in Lagrange points, near shipping lanes, and in starship wrecks to consume the waste from passing ships and trade items they scavenge.

154. A race accidentally created when one of the low-fecundity races (probably elves or dwarves) tried to create vat-grown kids... and they ended up with a mentally-twisted, physically-stunted offshoot race that can psychically infect other humanoids into transforming into new members of this new race. Think 1 part meenlocks, 1 part Reavers, with a pinch of mutant's deformities.

113. An extremely diverse race of talking animals.

Do you mean like anthropomorphized animals (like a single original precursor race to kitsune, tengu, ratfolk, etc.) or actual animals that are fully sentient?

96. Plantfolk and Fungalfolk seem moderately popular in current and previous editions... so what what about Lichenfolk? Bonus points if such a race is composed of three symbiotic partners.

97. What about a human (or other humanoid) offshoot bioengineered as a high-speed, high-G pilot. Kinda like a Starfinder version of Graham.

I blame Cosmo that my new strain of slaadi larvae virus seems to have mutated into something resembling a flu or bad cold, and thus it appears ReckNBall and Chemlak unnamed volunteers won't be becoming new slaadi after all.

Hope you both get well soon.

I think we're over the hump, regarding S+%% from the last few days, I'm feeling much better.

Just in case, take these two videos — Kubrick-ian chickens and hardcore kitten rap (some NSFW language) — and call us in the morning.

I'm older than all of you (physically, at least), so just hush up.

If I win Powerball, you're getting full Leónization and all the Delta-grade cyberware you could want.

I had no idea I could be disappointed by an item not incorporating a "Doom Anus/Multifunctional Sex Hole/Urethra" until I saw your item's name that had nothing to do with your item.

I am not proud. Because I like the item. I just....your name is a gross, gross tease.

Minions, halt everything! We must begin at once on my latest creation, chatty chaps of the carrey-bonnacon! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

I blame Cosmo and The Seifter that my brain is churning over the mechanics of weaponized corn cobs.

One word for you, Drejk:

Drones

I'd never before considered setting up a dragon lair like a bee hive. Thousands of draco-drones swarming & working & serving a great wyrm queen.

I'm not sure Drejk wants to be a queen dragon though.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

I think a good prestige class would be one that is similar to the dragon disciple, but follows a different monster.

I like the idea of coming up with a variant PrC for Dragon Disciple, but make you different monsters.

I've got an unpolished Dragon Disciple PrC variant written up that uses proteans as the base critter instead of dragons, but I've already decided on what I want to submit for this issue. Decisions, decisions...

Angry Wiggles wrote:

I'm a little embarrassed that my opinion merits mentioning.

And you even got in on your own! Only reason we Jacobs get mentioned is the novelty of being a set. ;)

Hmmm, matryoshka Jacobs...

Quemius wrote:

25) Looking for work? Head down to the tavern. Good folks down there.

71. And once they're there: "We sit over there in the cramped, edgy, dark corner so that nobody hears us but mainly to look cool. NO, we will not sit in the center where there's plenty of room like normal people."

{makes mental note to draw up tavern map with maximum number of corners}