Snark Powers activate


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Rei wrote:
This item is awesome. Or it would be. But then you tacked on that last bit and it suddenly became the most broken thing I can recall ever seeing.

I've seen some under-priced items and some items that really need some per-day limits, but I haven't encountered anything in this year's competition remotely close to the most broken thing I've ever seen.

Then again, I've brought a GM to the brink of tears while playing a mid-level wizard and I've used the rules for bardic masterpieces to solo the entire mass combat section of the Kingmaker adventure path, so I have really high expectations when it comes to "the most broken thing" ever seen.


8 people marked this as a favorite.
Belabras wrote:
Remember - magic items don't kill casters. Murderhobos do.

Barbarian Rage active:

What the flumph did you just flumphing say about me, you little munchkin? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my party in the Golarion Union of Murderhoboes for the Betterment of Others, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Aspis Consortium, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in dimensional warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Absalom armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another bit of XP. I will wipe you the flumph out with Precise Shots the likes of which has never been seen before on Golarion, mark my flumphing words of power. You think you can get away with talking that smack to me via Sending? Think again, flumpher. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Varisian continent and we're casting locate person so you better prepare for the storm, kobold. The storm of vengeance that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re flumphing dead, munchkin. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can scry&fry you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bear hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Pathfinder Society and Sacred Vault of Abadar and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable build off the face of your character sheet, you little munchkin. If only you could have known what unholy blight your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your flumphing tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you fallen paladin. I will Aqueous Orb all over you and you will drown in it. You’re flumphing dead, munchkin.

Sincerely yours,
~Jaspar "Shank Him Louis" Kahrdboordebachs~
your local GUMBO representative

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Murderhobo Union Representative wrote:
Belabras wrote:
Remember - magic items don't kill casters. Murderhobos do.

** spoiler omitted **

Sincerely yours,
~Jaspar "Shank Him Louis" Kahrdboordebachs~
your local GUMBO representative

Murderhobo Solidarity. I stand with my murderhobo brothers and sisters.

Dark Archive Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

WTH? An item that can hose your own party members.....pure awesome.

Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

I like your theme and all but I prefer if my magic items I spend gold on actually do something special and not just boring old static increments.

Magic is rulebreaker. Abuse your powaaaaaaa and make them magic items!


Bonus points to joke items that are mechanically sound. Some are well written and funny but can't actually be used in the game.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

Huh... there are a few items still lingering that I'm very confused by. I had a good laugh, but seriously...

How did you manage to stay in here that long.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Rusty Ironpants

several items make me think people just watched Matrix Reloaded on DVD/streaming! :)

Star Voter Season 9

Two wrist slot items that both cheat the SAME piece of action economy, both for dirt cheap.

Things that take a move action exist for a reason >_<

Shadow Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Fish teeth vs Fish skin

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

2 items I really like a lot, awesomely flavored weapon you lost because you just couldn't restrain yourself from that last extra power (advice I wish I could yell at myself last year.)

Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Janvs

Gross item vs. unbelievably broken item.

Gross item is well written, I guess. Up you go.

Sovereign Court Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

At the rate I've been voting, I'm not sure if I'll hit Marathon this time around...

Also two items I don't like pit up against each other x.x

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

NO! NO I will not eat that. but i will vote for you.

Shadow Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

These two items go together as perfectly as Kukla, Fran, and Ollie.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

swarm vs swarm, I will have to think about this vote

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

DO to the lack of RPGSS snaking I will snark about something else.

To the driver in front of me, when going up a long hill and the truck infront of you pulls over in to the slow traffic lane you have TWO options, A pass the truck, B pull in behind truck in slow lane. No option C!

Dedicated Voter Season 9

Crap, two of my favorite items up against each other. Why couldn't one of the stinkers from the last 15 votes I cast be against either of you?

Shadow Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Dang, what an amazing, awe-inspiring item. Too bad it's essentially an artifact.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Jason Dandy wrote:
Lucky Pips wrote:
Jason Dandy wrote:
Lucky Pips wrote:
You should never say how or where your item can be found. That is tying the GM's hands, and removing it as an option for random loot unless the GM shoehorns something that might not make sense into their story. Also, it definitely doesn't make sense if the item was bought from a vendor or created by a PC. It has all the downsides of an item backstory, with the addition of forcing that back story to cross paths with the PCs. Avoid this like the plague. We are making tools and goodies for the GM to use to tell their story, not forcing them to tell ours.
If it says where or how an item is FOUND, that's not the same as saying what circumstances would exist if the item were instead CREATED...

While that's true, that means that a line in the items description is meaningless if the item was CREATED or BOUGHT, which is just a bad use of precious words for the item, and if it is FOUND the GM either has to adapt the story to the items story or invalidate that line in the items write up. All of these options are bad. While it could create an interesting hook for a GM, so can any item with compelling uses. Items should be used as tools by the GM to tell their story, not a script of a story created by the designer.

Another issues with saying how a weapon is found: Random loot tables.

i wish round was was over so we could talk candidly, as i think it would be an interesting and fruitful discussion. :)

I would love that. Feel free to PM me also with anything also.


I'm noting certain trigger words. Rather than causing me distress, they instead send me spiraling into a reverie about pop culture references and it takes time and effort to recover and get back on topic. For example, there are items out there that keep making me think of this guy.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Jeff Lee wrote:
I'm noting certain trigger words. Rather than causing me distress, they instead send me spiraling into a reverie about pop culture references and it takes time and effort to recover and get back on topic. For example, there are items out there that keep making me think of this guy.

NA-NA. NA. NA. NA. THUNDER!

Dedicated Voter Season 9

Speaking of, many items also remind me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwn8l_AEAe4

Star Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Bahbrahb wrote:

Speaking of, many items also remind me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwn8l_AEAe4

And that, friends, is why you don't wear full plate while casting spells

Dark Archive Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Jeff Lee wrote:
I'm noting certain trigger words. Rather than causing me distress, they instead send me spiraling into a reverie about pop culture references and it takes time and effort to recover and get back on topic. For example, there are items out there that keep making me think of this guy.

This show, I must watch this.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Item, you are my favorite. Your imagery is straight up cartoon villains from my childhood, you drip mojo, you use a completely unique mundane item as your basis, you are one of the few magic items I would alter my character art to show, heck I want to repaint my mini to show you, I will even get a mundane version of you before I can afford you so my teammates wont even notice the difference...

However, you made up a new aura strength, you incorrectly filled in your slot info, and your price appears too cheap (by about half). Basically your header is a mess (besides name, which I also love) and the body is Superstar quality. Because of this, I find myself voting against you half the time to decent items that nail the CL, Aura and Price. I hope you pull through, but I'm not really helping you towards that goal as much as I would like. Work on your headers, and hand them to your friendly local rules lawyer to pick them apart before your next submission (we work for very reasonable retainers). Best of luck.


pH unbalanced wrote:
These two items go together as perfectly as Kukla, Fran, and Ollie.

I am missing this reference but when I see "Kukla" I hear Ookla in my head and that make me think of Thundar! Ookla Ride!!!


Lots of noisy items. I'm imagining a group that is sounding like a dump-truck dumping a load of symbols going through a dungeon.


4 people marked this as a favorite.
Dieben wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
I'm noting certain trigger words. Rather than causing me distress, they instead send me spiraling into a reverie about pop culture references and it takes time and effort to recover and get back on topic. For example, there are items out there that keep making me think of this guy.
This show, I must watch this.

The Venture Bros.? Yes, I highly recommend it.

Dedicated Voter Season 9

Gah! I thought they'd culled these items. I got you on day 1, begone vile fiends; I banish you into the darkest nether regions of the next cull!

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

2 underwhelming items. I will go with the less niche one :-(

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Animal vs animal. I feel like am judging a Saint Seiya contest ;-)

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

2 nice items. But one was better and well-formatted too :-) In fact I am Keeping it

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Sorry, you are the second item I see in a row granting the abilities of sea animals, but the first one was honestly better. In fact, I am now upvoting the well-written but regrettably utilitarian item next to you :-/

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I have a weird feeling that this item just whispered something to me! I have no other way to explain why I suddenly learned something about a particular type of characters!

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Weight hyphen vs Weight hyphen

(Em dashes are so difficult.)

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

2 people marked this as a favorite.

So, if creatures of X type encounter these items, they suddenly abandon reason? Is that a mind-affecting compulsion or just meaningless flavor text?

(Don't rewrite monster canon in an item's description!)

Dedicated Voter Season 9

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I had no idea I could be disappointed by an item not incorporating a "Doom Anus/Multifunctional Sex Hole/Urethra" until I saw your item's name that had nothing to do with your item.

I am not proud. Because I like the item. I just....your name is a gross, gross tease.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Weapon with extradimensional storage space vs weapon with extradimensional storage space

They're obviously doing it the right way, because they're very similar.

Marathon Voter Season 9

And then, another extradimensional storage item against one of the last ones, and they're sort of similar again. I'm sort of impressed with consistency.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka dien

Oh, that's wonderfully evil and I'm probably stealing it for a campaign. It's getting my vote... but I do wish you hadn't included the specific background and dreaded 'valued by' phrase, for I think that will hurt you overall in voting.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka dien

Ahh.... yeah, you should probably have checked last year's Top 32 before submitting that.


OhGodTheRats wrote:

I had no idea I could be disappointed by an item not incorporating a "Doom Anus/Multifunctional Sex Hole/Urethra" until I saw your item's name that had nothing to do with your item.

I am not proud. Because I like the item. I just....your name is a gross, gross tease.

Minions, halt everything! We must begin at once on my latest creation, chatty chaps of the carrey-bonnacon! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Gross name and woefully underpriced considering its potential applications but right on the theme with well-thought abilities. Keep it is.

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Item that makes you sickened vs item that makes you sickened. What a sickening sight

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

This item started quite strongly (excellent visuals BTW) but the abilities feel too mismatched for this to be a keep. Good potential though. Upvoted

Also the other item is a nightmare to keep track of :-(

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Seeing one item I helped through workshopping. And upvoted, even though my advice was patently ignored :-P

The other item does something quite similar to one I kept. But it is far less elegant and concise, so no real difficulty choosing here. (Ie : no voting cabal, sorry guys)

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Backstory in the end is still backstory and makes me reconsider whether I should upvote this item. It is still a good item, if not superstar IMO. Upvoted

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Next time, make sure your words have precise meanings in the game. And respect them. Downvoted :-(

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Two moderately meh items. Upvoting the more inventive one.

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