DungeonmasterCal's House of Respite


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Hoom haroom. We need to have a word, aged wizzie... hooom...


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I know two people whose deep freezes went out on them in the same week. Both lost hundreds of pounds of frozen food. One of my friends is an avid hunter and his was mostly full of meat. He said the smell was beyond horrendous. And later in the week, he was making buffalo wings for dinner and the oven door fell off. Then the pressure gauge on his instant pot went out. I think he just needs to give up.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
I know two people whose deep freezes went out on them in the same week. Both lost hundreds of pounds of frozen food. One of my friends is an avid hunter and his was mostly full of meat. He said the smell was beyond horrendous. And later in the week, he was making buffalo wings for dinner and the oven door fell off. Then the pressure gauge on his instant pot went out. I think he just needs to give up.

Has he failed in making proper offerings to the god-spirits of his prey? Has he been disrespectful of those he consumed?

Was he wasteful in his hunts?!


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He probably forgot to leave a saucer of fresh cream and a small loaf of bread on his windowsill at night to propitiate those tricksy pug-, er, domovoi.

And a small stack of unmarked bills, preferably $20s and smaller.

I would assume.


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Pfft. Everybody knows domovoi prefer banana brandy and Red Bull. Or else I'll they'll break all your stuff.


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{ponders the Chaos! potential of genetically-engineered pugwampi-Monkey Santa hybrids}


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Monkey Santa wrote:
Pfft. Everybody knows domovoi prefer banana brandy and Red Bull. Or else I'll they'll break all your stuff.

Definitely don't give your domovoi Red Bull, they will go bonkers and hyperactive. They might like banana whatever, which would be find exotic, though some might be wary of foreign cuisine.


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Dr. Ms. Frankenslaad wrote:
{ponders the Chaos! potential of genetically-engineered pugwampi-Monkey Santa hybrids}

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


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Could be worse. What about Monkey Santa vegepygmies?


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Scintillae wrote:
Could be worse. What about Monkey Santa vegepygmies?

I was going to say Monkey Santa mites...but then I realized there isn't any real differentiation between Monkey Santa and mites...so...vegepygmies, you say? No, thanks, I've had my salad for the day.


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So, apparently the secret formula for repelling dudes in the supermarket is:

1) Wearing old non-tight jeans and comfy long-sleeve tee
2) Not wearing any makeup, hair just in ponytail
3) Crocs (really, this one should be enough all by itself)
4) Wearing a mask during a pandemic
5) Sweating because of mask and 87°F + high humidity muggy SWFL day
6) Also sweating because of currently un-medicated anxiety disorder and forced to shop in crowded supermarkets because of restricted hours
7) Also also slight trembling from aforementioned anxiety

It works so well, the bag boy* bagged only my frozen pizza, glanced at me, and then without a word immediately went six checkout lines away and started bagging there. (Female cashier didn't react any differently to me at all.) I bagged my own damn groceries.

* Rude little punk.


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Vanykrye wrote:
...so...vegepygmies, you say? No, thanks, I've had my salad for the day.

Kinkyyyyy


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Harumph! Harumph! Harumph!


Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

So, apparently the secret formula for repelling dudes in the supermarket is:

1) Wearing old non-tight jeans and comfy long-sleeve tee
2) Not wearing any makeup, hair just in ponytail
3) Crocs (really, this one should be enough all by itself)
4) Wearing a mask during a pandemic
5) Sweating because of mask and 87°F + high humidity muggy SWFL day
6) Also sweating because of currently un-medicated anxiety disorder and forced to shop in crowded supermarkets because of restricted hours
7) Also also slight trembling from aforementioned anxiety

It works so well, the bag boy* bagged only my frozen pizza, glanced at me, and then without a word immediately went six checkout lines away and started bagging there. (Female cashier didn't react any differently to me at all.) I bagged my own damn groceries.

* Rude little punk.

On the one hand, sucks you had to drag yourself through that.

On the other... I guess successful formula discovered?


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Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition, Starfinder Accessories, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

It works so well, the bag boy* bagged only my frozen pizza, glanced at me, and then without a word immediately went six checkout lines away and started bagging there. (Female cashier didn't react any differently to me at all.) I bagged my own damn groceries.

* Rude little punk.

Fear makes people do strange things.


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Ed Reppert wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

It works so well, the bag boy* bagged only my frozen pizza, glanced at me, and then without a word immediately went six checkout lines away and started bagging there. (Female cashier didn't react any differently to me at all.) I bagged my own damn groceries.

* Rude little punk.

Fear makes people do strange things.

Probably assumed you had a fever with the sweating, trembling, and the mask.


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Fantasy NPC: Ohrias The Burning


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Very nice. The flavor text actually made me giggle a bit toward the end, what with his being exasperated by other beings ingesting water.


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Buzz cut my own hair. Now I can't stop walking around saying: "762 millimeter, full metal jacket..."

What a lucky, lucky woman my wife is.


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Soon she will put on a Smoky Bear hat and yell at you & Monkey Santa while you run around the front yard, chanting. Just you wait.


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Limeylongears wrote:
Soon she will put on a Smoky Bear hat and yell at you & Monkey Santa while you run around the front yard, chanting. Just you wait.

Soon?

You've obviously not seen the wedding videos...

OMG I wish R. Lee Erney were still alive. I'd love to see him conduct a wedding...

Picturing this will keep me occupied the rest of the morning.


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I have a good friend who joined the Army a few years after college. We roomed together for a while before he left and he rented "Full Metal Jacket" and watched it repeatedly in order to get an idea what lay ahead for him in boot camp. I think he was surprised to find out boot was worse than depicted.


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My boot camp nickname was Pyle. I had not seen the movie. Years later I got around to watching it...

Talk about a slow burn.


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Tennessee and Georgia have announced they are reopening everything (except schools) by the 1st of May, with some businesses being allowed to open as soon as 4/27.

<insert distant echoes of Scint shouting about learning nothing from 1918 here>


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Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition, Starfinder Accessories, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Those who will not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

Those who do learn from history are doomed to watch the rest repeat it.

Shadow Lodge

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s0metimes being d00med is n0t s0 bad.

this is n0t 0ne 0f th0se times.


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Rulebook Subscriber

Just watching is not an option for some of us. We are forced to share space with idiots.

Some more idiotic than others.


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I am unfortunately one of the unlucky few, as ice been still working this whole time. Thankfully I'm still going to be able to maintain minimum exposure, but the increased crowds will make it difficult. I'm not in a direct face to face customer industry, thank Tharizdun, or else I would probably be panicking more right now rather than just irked.


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TriOmegaZero wrote:
Those who do learn from history are doomed to watch the rest repeat it.

Those who try to teach those who refuse to learn from history are told history is exaggerating, it's fine.


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I've had just about enough of all of you. Out! Shoo! Git!

Dark Archive

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History wrote:
I've had just about enough of all of you. Out! Shoo! Git!

GASP! ANCIENT EGYPT!!


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Last night, with two well-landed scryings, a couple teleports, and some dimension doors, my players completed the last third of an adventure path chapter in an hour.

They had just hit level 12. An hour later, they were 13. Bypassed 9 combat encounters. Sure, they don’t get the loot, but they’re built to travel light and not depend on stuff.

One. Hour.

Isolation has made them smarter. Crap.


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It's time to start the disinformation campaign about the er..um..campaign.


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Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
History wrote:
I've had just about enough of all of you. Out! Shoo! Git!
GASP! ANCIENT EGYPT!!

{twirls mustache evilly Like An Egyptian}


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G$~&$!N I love that alias.


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Clearly, I have discovered the root cause of all trouble I am having with digging up the remains of the bushes in front of my house. AND not coincidentally, my hurting back!

Curse you! ANCIENT EGYPT! <Cue Imperial March>

;P


Well, make like a Pharoah, then, and build a pyramid over them instead.


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Fun fact: The Pyramids started as a home improvement project. Pharaoh Kheops promised his wife he'd change out the garbage disposal. He noticed some grout missing on the back splash... 25 years later... pyramid.


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Jibbers Crabst.

The cat just started projectile vomiting. The dog ran over to help. The cat interpreted this as an act of aggression and sprinted across the house. While continuing to projectile vomit.

The dog, torn between racing to help the exploding cat and eating the delicious partially digested cat food, snatched a couple mouthfuls during the pursuit. She then helpfully cornered the cat, who by this time had emptied himself out and begun dry heaving.

Confused, the dog wandered back across the house, vacuuming up great swaths of hork as she went. She had the nerve to look hurt when I firmly ordered her to desist. The cat finished dry heaving and ran back to his food to load up again.

Nervous about these goings-on and my hysterical over-reaction to them, the dog came over to calm me down by licking my face.

It did not work.

My cup runneth over some evenings...


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And somewhere, Monkey Santa hides the ipecac bottle.


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Heh heh heh... revenge... as promised...


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Just saw a press release. The publication date of newest book by Japan's leading astrologer has been postponed to November due to "unforeseen circumstances."

It's almost as if... as if... nope, dang, lost it.


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quibblemuch wrote:

Jibbers Crabst.

The cat just started projectile vomiting. The dog ran over to help. The cat interpreted this as an act of aggression and sprinted across the house. While continuing to projectile vomit.

The dog, torn between racing to help the exploding cat and eating the delicious partially digested cat food, snatched a couple mouthfuls during the pursuit. She then helpfully cornered the cat, who by this time had emptied himself out and begun dry heaving.

Confused, the dog wandered back across the house, vacuuming up great swaths of hork as she went. She had the nerve to look hurt when I firmly ordered her to desist. The cat finished dry heaving and ran back to his food to load up again.

Nervous about these goings-on and my hysterical over-reaction to them, the dog came over to calm me down by licking my face.

It did not work.

My cup runneth over some evenings...

I had a cat do that once. But it was the OTHER end,...

>_<

THAT is funny/sad.


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Monkey Santa wrote:
Heh heh heh... revenge... as promised...

THAT is scary,


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Scientific Scrutiny wrote:

Just saw a press release. The publication date of newest book by Japan's leading astrologer has been postponed to November due to "unforeseen circumstances."

It's almost as if... as if... nope, dang, lost it.

THAT is, Hysterical. :)


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quibblemuch wrote:

Jibbers Crabst.

The cat just started projectile vomiting. The dog ran over to help. The cat interpreted this as an act of aggression and sprinted across the house. While continuing to projectile vomit.

The dog, torn between racing to help the exploding cat and eating the delicious partially digested cat food, snatched a couple mouthfuls during the pursuit. She then helpfully cornered the cat, who by this time had emptied himself out and begun dry heaving.

Confused, the dog wandered back across the house, vacuuming up great swaths of hork as she went. She had the nerve to look hurt when I firmly ordered her to desist. The cat finished dry heaving and ran back to his food to load up again.

Nervous about these goings-on and my hysterical over-reaction to them, the dog came over to calm me down by licking my face.

It did not work.

My cup runneth over some evenings...

I read this out loud to Aiymi. She was having a very difficult time stopping herself from getting sick while laughing so hard.


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Mentioned this in Fawtl, but figured there was fun to be had here.

Short version: Spotify decided to use the late Sinatra for my "click here to get notified when your bands upload new things" icon, and now I want to brainstorm undead-themed big band songs.

Fly Me to the Tomb
My Mummy Valentine
Strangers in the Night doesn't even have to change.


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Lichcraft
Ain't That a Kick in the Dead?
These Ghoulish Things
The Fearness of You
As Tomb Goes By
A Tomb in New York
Drauging Again
The Ghoul from Ipanemia
I Don't Stand the Ghost of A Chance (didn't even need to change)
A Pretty Ghoul Is Like a Malady
The Shadow of Your Smile (no change)
That Old Black Magic (no change)
Be Our Ghast
Phylactery, Phylacterah
I'll Be Seeing You in Allip Familiar Places
If They Could Banshee Me Now

When the flesh hits your teeth
and it struggles beneath
that's a mortal!

When you feast on a soul
in a KFC bowl
that's a mortal!

When you drain the life force
it feels great, of course,
that's a mortal!

When they whine about death
as you suck out their breath
that's a mortal!

And that crowd on your porch
wielding pitchfork and torch
those are mortals!


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<wizard listens to the new popular songs. Immediately reinforces his tower with extra booby traps and defensive spells. Loads the wall cauldrons with fresh boiling oil.>

O_o

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