"YAAARRRGGHHH!" Eben yelps as the statue grabs him and rips his life force away. "But I gave you a carving and everything!" He winces as cold smoke arises from his shoulder. "But if you dislike 'abberance' so much...Chocolate fish falling from the sky and becoming swords! The swords rise up and sing!"
"Rodrigo, flip the dial back..." he says to the patch of air where the aasimar might be, before returning his attention to the statue and describing a game of poker played with rose petals in lieu of cards. His cadence of surreal-speak falters just for a moment as he takes the time to cautiously cast a spell.
To further confuse the situation, Eben splits into multiple versions of himself.
And then all four Ebens launch into a capering defensive dance, making it a dance of... 92 steps.
"Kolyarut!" Astraden shouts. She quickly begins relaying all she knows about the creature.
"Gesundheit!"
Being unable to do anything to help, Carina opts to hop away from the portcullis and chug her extract of false life.
Rodrigo steps back from the Kolyarut, and casts a spell from within his cloak of invisibility. He touches Eben, and both of them poof out of space time for an instant before reappearing on the other side of the portcullis with their companions.
Meanwhile, the archons readjust themselves and begin firing light beams at the outsider.
Farrukh readies a shield whack for if the Kolyarut comes near.
Additionally, he tries to see if he knows anything about Kolyarut that Astraden doesn't.
Rodrigo's archons all prove unable to land a blow on the surprisingly nimble entity—though, in fairness, the portculling makes it rather difficult.
Tanith rears back with his poleaxe, prepared to whack the thing should it somehow come after the party through the gate.
The kolyarut is still for a moment, looking between the archon and the rest of the party. It turns to Bermintrude. "Your presence is irrelevant and mostly illogical. Leave, equine."
It reaches up and lunges for the archon.
The archon shakes as the violet energy almost instantly drains its light away.
The kolyarut turns and glances at Astraden. "I SUGGEST you get as far away from me as possible, proceeding north and through whatever doorway presents itself."
"Dancing icicles calculating the value of drow warriors to the third power divided by... Aw, nevermind, this doesn't look like it's really bothering you anyhow." Eben stops his gibberish and instead relies on the old stand by, that is to say, arrows delivered past a Kettitie, a Kordite, and a portcullis.
Astraden shakes off the kolyarut's spell. "You . . . you don't think we would have brought protection from law in a Wind Duke tomb?" she scoffs.
Her hand becomes wreathed in what looks like violet flame, but is really millions of tiny artifacts of chaos. "You've been away from home too long," she tells the metal one, raising her fist.
"What's stopping us from just leaving him here and going through that door?"
"Well, I imagine he can just pull the lever himself—excuse me, are you male? I'd hate to apply our mortal notions of gender to an outer planar being such as yourself if that offends—and follow us. Plus we'd probably need to come back this way sooner or later."
"Did you hear this thing threatening us, Farrukh?"
"I mean, yeah, but that's like the standard greeting for anyone who meets us though."
"Technically, it only threatened me. And maybe Rodrigo, though it might not have seen him. Guess the rest of you aren't subject to aberrant behavi... hey, wait a minute." He glares at the kolyarut with shock and contempt. 'If you're singling me and 'Rigo out as 'aberrants'... is that some kind of 'goes both ways sexually' judgement? Because that is just rude!"
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"While it is regrettable that Rigo, elsewhere referred to as Rodrigo, possessed the dimension door conjuration, my tactic was otherwise very sound and motivated solely by standard techniques of war in dividing enemies into smaller, more manageable clusters. I have no interest in your species' evident unwillingness to take advantage of your enhanced fecundity."
Carina rolls her eyes as the inevitable starts yammering on and on. She steps to the side and aims her crossbow at the lever for the portcullis.
Tricky shot...
She fires the bolt...
"Fharlanghn's boots, you're a wordy one."
"Words are the means by which mortal races communicate, and as such—" The bolt strikes the snowflake-shaped dial, pushing it up. The portcullis clatters up with it. "—hm."
Farrukh blinks.
"Holyyy s+#*. Did you start praying to Norebo too Carina?"
"But anyway before we commence the chopping, is there any particular REASON you want us dead, or...?" Farrukh asks. "Maybe we can work something out."
Rodrigo harrumphs at Carina's ballsy move. "I guess I can cast more spells..." he mutters. The summoner chants something and a pit opens up under the inevitable.
The archons fire on the living machine if it doesn't fall into the pit.
"Oaths have been sworn to guard the tomb of Icosiol, and the weaponry stored within—" The kolyarut neatly sidesteps Rodrigo's spell, not even slowing down. "—should it be required at a later date by the appropriate owners. Additionally, Sionsiar, a friend of Icosiol's, lies in the direction you are heading. She—" Three light rays strike it in the chest. "—was also an acquaintance of this unit's, and though I do not form sentimental attachments, I have sworn to a contract to keep the treasures of her tomb within this edifice. This is not a contract enforced nonlethally, nor incautiously."
"You do realize everyone's dead, right? But whatever." Farrukh sheathes his sword and draws his bow.
"Incorrect."
"So the Wind Dukes are still alive then? That's interesting. You know where they went?"
The inevitable is silent.
"Guess I'll have to draw my own conclusions then. I'm guessing...they all went to the Plane of Fire, because they wanted to make the world's best barbecue."
"Am I close?"
"Appropriate owners are currently alive. If they were not, I would not be here."
"So how do you know that, exactly? Can you sense them?"
"I have a contract."
"Nice. Must be a lot of trouble to contact one of your kind and sign a bargain with them. Especially one that lasts this long."
"Well, we don't actually want to rob the place. I mean, it might be profitable, but we keep getting accused of doing it when we haven't, yet. We're just looking to get to the bottom of the river so we can fight a ghoul that lives down there and rescue a friend. Is there any way we can do that within the boundaries of your contract?"
Frustrated by the constructs pointlessly rigid views, Tanith growls in rising anger. ”What if we formed some kind of agreement with you? We’re just trying to pass through so we can smash the undead below. Your ‘contract’ doesn’t say anything about protecting them does it?”
In the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy roleplaying game, Mechanus, also known as The Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus (or simply Nirvana in AD&D 1st Edition) is a purely lawful aligned plane of existence
"How will you know the contract's subjects?" Astraden asks, adjusting her stance slightly towards Eben.