Last one to post wins

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HA! that's what it feels like!

Oops sorry. Got carried away a bit.

Sovereign Court

Glad to see that you're not a pile of broken splinters anymore. Though you probably still have the swellings made by the drinks due to the fact that there were no coasters on you that they could be placed on.



I think he ran away.

Liberty's Edge

*spots BabaJiBlackMagicXXXAaa-OOO-GAAH! waiting in the rafters*

Oh, BabaJi, you just can't do THAT to us! You just gotta get right outta here!

*blasts the crazy old spammer with null-matter laser in full view of everyone*

Huh. don't see that every day.

Speak for yourself.

K. Huh. I don't see that every day.

Someday there will be a last one to post.
I wonder if they’ll think they’ve won?

You definitely couldn't brag about it.

If my life proves anything, it's that you can always brag, even if you're the only one in the room.

EDIT: Bragging To An Empty Room would be a great title for my memoir...

YEAH what if dat dere done happened?!?

But what if one of your other personalities went posted and beat you because of it?

Do they brag a lot in Fort Bragg?

Sovereign Court

Not since I reduced it to a pile of rubble and slaughtered all of the inhabitants.

Now, to help decipher who gets the honour of posting last (thus winning the thread), I have put together a second Monster Party! For those who need reminding of my main army of beasts, here's a quick refresher:

. Ferno the Fire Dragon
2. Sepron the Sea Serpent
3. Arcta the Mountain Giant
4. Tagus the Horse-Man
5. Nanook the Snow Monster
6. Epos the Flame Bird
7. Zepha the Monster Squid
8. Claw the Giant Monkey
9. Soltra the Stone Charmer
10. Vipero the Snake Man
11. Arachnid the King of Spiders
12. Trillion the Three-Headed Lion
13. Torgor the Minotaur
14. Skor the Winged Stallion
15. Narga the Sea Monster
16. Kaymon the Gorgon Hound
17. Tusk the Mighty Mammoth
18. Sting the Scorpion Man
19. Nixa the Death-Bringer
20. Equinus the Spirit Horse
21. Rashouk the Cave Troll
22. Luna the Moon Wolf
23. Blaze the Ice Dragon
24. Stealth the Ghost Panther
25. Krabb Master of the Sea
26. Hawkite Arrow of the Air
27. Rokk the Walking Mountain
28. Koldo the Arctic Warrior
29. Trema the Earth Lord
30. Amictus the Bug Queen
31. Komodo the Lizard King
32. Muro the Rat Monster
33. Fang the Bat Fiend
34. Murk the Swamp Man
35. Terra Curse of the Forest
36. Vespick the Wasp Queen
37. Convol the Cold-Blooded Brute
38. Hellion the Fiery Foe
39. Krestor the Crushing Terror
40. Madara the Midnight Warrior
41. Ellik the Lightning Horror
42. Carnivora the Winged Scavenger
43. Balisk the Water Snake
44. Koron the Jaws of Death
45. Hecton the Body Snatcher
46. Torno the Hurricane Dragon
47. Kronus the Clawed Menace
48. Bloodboar the Buried Doom
49. Ursus the Clawed Roar
50. Minos the Demon Bull
51. Koraka the Winged Assassin
52. Silver the Wild Terror
53. Spikefin the Water King
54. Torpix the Twisting Serpent
55. Noctila the Death Owl
56. Shamani the Raging Flame
57. Lustor the Acid Dart
58. Voltrex the Two-Headed Octopus
59. Tecton the Armoured Giant
60. Doomskull the King of Fear
61. Elko Lord of the Sea
62. Tarrok the Blood Spike
63. Brutus the Hound of Horror
64. Flaymar the Scorched Blaze
65. Serpio the Slithering Shadow
66. Tauron the Pounding Fury
67. Solak Scourge of the Sea
68. Kajin the Beast Catcher
69. Issrilla the Creeping Menace
70. Vigrash the Clawed Eagle
71. Mirka the Ice Horse
72. Kama the Faceless Beast
73. Skurik the Forest Demon
74. Targro the Arctic Menace
75. Slivka the Cold-Hearted Curse
76. Linka the Sky Conqueror
77. Vermok the Spiteful Scavenger
78. Koba Ghoul of the Shadows
79. Raffkor the Stampeding Brute
80. Vislak the Slithering Serpent
81. Tikron the Jungle Master
82. Falra the Snow Phoenix
83. Wardok the Sky Terror
84. Xerik the Bone Cruncher
85. Plexor the Raging Reptile
86. Quagos the Armoured Beetle
87. Styro the Snapping Brute
88. Ronak the Toxic Terror
89. Solix the Deadly Swarm
90. Kanis the Shadow Hound
91. Gryph the Feathered Fiend
92. Thoron the Living Storm
93. Okko the Sand Monster
94. Saurex the Silent Creeper
95. Krytor the Blood Bat
96. Soara the Stinging Spectre
97. Drogan the Jungle Menace
98. Karixa the Diamond Warrior
99. Quarg the Stone Dragon
100. Korvax the Sea Dragon
101. Vetrix the Poison Dragon
102. Strytor the Skeleton Dragon
103. Zulok the Winged Spirit
104. Skalix the Snapping Horror
105. Okira the Crusher
106. Rykar the Fire Hound
107. Grymon the Biting Horror
108. Skrar the Night Scavenger
109. Tarantix the Bone Spider
110. Lypida the Shadow Fiend
111. Menox the Sabre-Toothed Terror
112. Larnak the Swarming Menace
113. Jurog Hammer of the Jungle
114. Nersepha the Cursed Siren
115. Querzol the Swamp Monster
116. Krotax the Tusked Destroyer
117. Torka the Sky Snatcher
118. Xerkan the Shape Stealer
119. Electro the Storm Bird
120. Fluger the Sightless Slitherer
121. Balgrun the Lava Monster
122. Movax the Ghost Knight

The rules are simple, roll some Knucklebones dice (your own preferably, as none shall be provided) to determine who you are up against. Once you have beaten one beast, roll the dice again to get your next opponent. The party only ends when all my beasts have been defeated. Also, as an act of fair play, Jurassic Bard and all of his aliases (including me) are forbidden from taking part and you must correct them if they try. Now with that out of the way, let the party start!

Scarab Sages

*surreptitiously ties Malvel, The Dark Wizard's shoelaces together*

Knotting really matters, to me.

*takes knucklebones, tosses them any way the wind blows...*

Scarab Sages

1d122 ⇒ 8


Wait. 122 surfaces? These are some weird-ass knucklebones...

...and, O fudgerigar, I got Claw the Giant Monkey. I CALL THESE BONES RIGGED! Wait until I get my...

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*springs out of nowhere, GRABS the Giant Monkey, Takes It Away*

NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWWWWWWWWW - simian pretenders, least of all!!!

Scarab Sages

...Ah. Problem solved.

*Returns, having found some things to actually EAT.*

1d122 ⇒ 58 -> Voltrex the Two-Headed Octopus

*Really? How does adding a second head to an octopus make it any better? At least they're tasty...*


*Suddenly leaps and pounces on Voltrex with large talons*
*Violently bites off and devours all the tasty tentacles*
*Then slashes both heads open with talons and eats them too*

...*Waits, on guard, to see what inevitable complications arise*

Sovereign Court

*Uses the claw on the end of it's tail to viciously stab The CLAW multiple times until the mothman is dead (or at least eliminated).*

*Turns to face IHIYC, whilst climbing into some nearby treetops.*

Sovereign Court

I forgot that the giant monkey is also an alias for Jurassic Bard (but he's not actually competing against his fellow beasts so it's fine). Also, I'm wearing slip-ons, no laces required.

*Sees Bloodfang the Dire Tyrannosaur floating lifelessly on the surface of the ocean, as it's battle with the two headed octopus clearly took place under the water.*

1d123 ⇒ 23

Oh hey, Karen Carpenter.

*What, and that's a problem?*

*Totally ate some adventurers wearing water-breathing equipment a while back, hasn't been an issue ever since.*

Why is it still moving posts around. Has anyone else noticed that? It puts later posts above the replies sometimes.

Sovereign Court

Indeed, I noticed that. Which is why my tigerskin rug stated that he was confused about it.

1d122 ⇒ 60

Doomskull the King of Fear

*I glare at Doomskull and it backs down.

Its kind of annoying.

I'm very annoying.

For couches and other things that fur clings to I'm sure.

.. Its uh not to bad for hard wood....

Sovereign Court

*Comes in with a chainsaw, goes up to Scared Table, turns on the chainsaw and starts cutting Scared Table to pieces whilst singing "Jingle Bells".*

Go ahead and put it out of its misery.
It has been suffering ever since it was cut down and glued back together.

*shredded table*


You only thought you won!

Also has anyone else noticed how violent this thread has turned as of late?

Scarab Sages


Not really....

*juggles knives, directs them all near-simultaneously at Vidmaster7, forming perfect outline of him against the wall*

By the way: I DO NOT miss...except at will.

I get your point... OR rather I didn't!

*GRABS* Bear, *YANKS* him offstage to an unknown fate

*comes up from behind Claw, the Giant Monkey while he stares, bewildered Into the darkness of Your Closet, does same to him*


Scarab Sages

*pokes head out of Your Closet, looks around*

Wait, what was that? Ah, well, I'm busy....

1d122 ⇒ 113

"Jurog Hammer of the Jungle"? What's that even supposed to...

...I mean is there some kind of hammer called a jurog, and this one's "of the Jungle", somehow?
Is "of the Jungle" a kind of enchantment?
Is someone/something named Jurog some kind of hammer-wielding enforcer of "the Jungle"?
Is Jurog just a hammer that is wielded by my true adversary, "the Jungle" itself?
Contrariwise, did Jurog FLATTEN the Jungle with a hammer, or LIKE a hammer?
So many possibilities...

*looks out to the horizon, hearing drumbeats....*

Sovereign Court

*Clicks fingers on left hand, teleports Claw the Giant Monkey back to the jungle.*

Some of the beasts have been defeated (or at least, the ones that have been fought against). But many more must still be bested if any of you seek victory on the thread.

*Addresses IHIYC.*

Jurog is a giant monkey with six arms, demonic looking features and a tail that (though ordinary in appearance) is able to snap tree branches simply by hitting into them. Good luck, you're going to need it!

A lot more strange critter too. Used to be just had to watch out for the dragons and the roach.

Soon, my plans will be complete, and I shall have recruited all of Claw, the Giant Monkey's parasites (external and internal) into a brand-new mass kazoo band!!!

I was soo close this time.

Sovereign Court

How dare you say such a thing Pulg! He does not possess ANY parasites whatsoever! Although, you are free to take them and form that kazoo band of yours.

*Finally emerges from the water after an unnecessarily long and drawn-out battle with Voltrex*

*At least it was kind of tasty*

Bloodfang, Dire Tyrannosaur wrote:

*Finally emerges from the water after an unnecessarily long and drawn-out battle with Voltrex*

*At least it was kind of tasty*

Is Voltrex a brand of toilet paper?

Sounds like a cleaner to me.

Sovereign Court

*Creates an army of small robots to attack Pulg and Vidmaster7 with laser bladed, electric razors and electric toothbrushes for some reason.*

Monster roll: 1d122 ⇒ 101 Oh Boy here comes my food deliver Oh goodie spicy food
101. Vetrix the Poison Dragon. Might cause a little tummy upset but totally worth it. Wraps his tongue around the neck of the dragon and pulls it into his gullet with one gulp.

"Yummie and spicy too."

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Pulg I think he is saying something about our breath....

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