Bear

Un-Bear-able Puns's page

310 posts. Alias of Vidmaster7.


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After it has been dropped I guess it's beef not so wellington.

Oh look I'm Bear naked! HA!


We are getting weapons? I will exercise my right to bear arms then!


Well vampires do tend to be STONE cold killers.


Oh I guess that would leave me feeling a bit.. under the weather.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Super massive black hole, seen it, boring!

How very a-MUSE-ing.


Bear claw?


At least I wouldn't be the only one getting a kick out of that.


Well ain't that a hoot.


gran rey de los mono wrote:

I'm not allowed to go to costume parties anymore. Here's what happened at the last one.

Host: "Nice costume. What are you?"
Me: "A harp."
Host: "Isn't it a little small for a harp?"
Me: *punches them in the face* "YOU CALLING ME A LYRE!?!"

Ah classic(al) instrument puns.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
It will be a non-optional coupon. It's delivered by masked men in a windowless white van. They "escort" you to an undisclosed hair-removal treatment facility. The job is done. Then you are released at a random location somewhere within a 2 mile radius of your home.
If you can trick Vid7 into a bear costume, I know a guy who can shave him...

You'd be surprised how easy it is to get me into a bear costume. Back when I used to play Wow I mained a bear druid and bear is what everyone called me.

Where do you think he gets all thos un-bear-able puns from?

The amount of bear puns are just grizzly.
He is fully koala-fied to pun and I'm not just Panda-ering.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I used to work at a canned fruit juice company. I got fired because I couldn't concentrate.

Lime sorry to hear that. That is Berry unfortunate. I'm sure it's driving you bananas.


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Sharoth wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Sharoth is showing of his Prime realestate.
You are right. I do have a "prime" number showing.

You know to sum of the problem the longer we keep this going the more exponentially awkward it gets.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
So, like this then?
Yes.. I had a party that once elected a chicken as mayor of a township. this is the same party.
I wonder if I can convince my Kingmaker group to elect a chicken as head of the kingdom when we get that far.

You just have to egg them on and don't let your plan run a fowl.


I'm alfraido say that a simple recipe for it doesn't pasta bar for me.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
My dentist asks the stupidest questions. Like "When was the last time you flossed?" I'm thinking "You should know, you were there."

And that is the honest Tooth.


captain yesterday wrote:
Going out for a snow run, only an inch of snow so I should be back before dawn.

well have a very Ice run. Afterwards you can just chill.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
Women usually tell me that I'm Ill-annoying.

That pun was so bad it knocked me to the Floor..ida.


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Woran wrote:
Never played Dark Souls. But those 'git gud' and mean it people can go sit in a tree.

I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say those types have a stick up their bum.


Freehold DM wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
If your ever unsure if something is a Simpsons reference just ask Quibblemuch.
...the pony?

Nay.


You can't go putting bears in blenders you'll cause a Pandamix.


When I got out I do like to pull out all the frills.


Sounds awful fishy to me.


Well depends if the slime knows to mess with a rubik cube means getting Rekt-angle. It might just have to ask itself what is the point? or four points rather.


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captain yesterday wrote:
Should be an interesting day, not sure what we're doing exactly as we have to wait for a number of subcontractors to come in and do their thing tomorrow before we can move forward on our patios.

Do you know what Patios and Mike Tyson have in common?

Their both roofless.


gran rey de los mono wrote:

A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder. Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

I C their is a slight theme with these jokes.


Woran wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Whew no more pets' my way. My SO currently has the dog, the snake, the 2 geckos, 1 bearded dragon And of course the 3 rats. She is now talking about a chinchilla. Which is specifically said no! Which translate too not until we get a bigger place.
Watching the youtube channel is a good way to NOT want otters for pets. Yes, they are cute. But its like having a perpetual high energy toddler in the house, including opposable thumbs and more curiosity then is good for them.

So in otter words people should find a otternative to an otter pet.


I lost track of the conversation... are we talking about what animal we would be?

Be-Claws it might be a close call but I would Fur-sure be a bear for me.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
Parsley, sage, lemon, thyme I don't care about your rhyme scheme.

Spicy retort.


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John Napier 698 wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

Wow! And today someone named Amuran logged into my Facebook account so I should click the link to secure my account immediately!

Who knew I was so bad at securing my stuff?

There's a reason as to why I can't stand hackers.

Is it because they just can't HACK it?

Oh I guess it would be the opposite actually.


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Woran wrote:

Time to start re-painting the windows.

Still annoyed that in this day and age that they choose wood for the windows instead of plastic.

... (you made this too easy)...

That sounds like a BEECH but Isn't wood easier to SPRUCE up?


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Sharoth wrote:
I pine for the day when we had better music. But I guess I will leaf this alone.

Don't be so Wood-en with your musical preferences. Don't be afraid to branch out. spruce up your music library. You'll find you might learn to Pine for new things.


Sharoth wrote:
The problem with having three dogs and five cats is that there is ALWAYS someone who wants attention. For example, the cat sitting in my lap right now.

You have to give them all their attention or it would be a Cat-tastrophe. The animals might raise the Roof.


Sharoth wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
Yeah monopoly will do that to you.
That is a crappy thing to do while playing a game.

What do you expect Monopoly is jut a $&^&# game...


gran rey de los mono wrote:
My daughter and I had a heated argument today. Eventually she screamed "Yeah? Well, Jim Morrison is OVERRATED!!!" I said "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?!"

Need to teach her to appreciate Densmoore


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Can you believe not Ivory one appreciate elephant puns? It's not like it was a Mammoth undertaking..


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But still I don't think them adding more pachyderms is irr-elephant to my games.


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graystone wrote:
James Jacobs wrote:
We've also got four kinds of big cats and four kinds of bears.

That is a totally unacceptable amount of bears and cats!!! We demand equal treatment!!! Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble!!!

* brought to you by the Committee Advocating for equal Treatment of felines and ursines.

This lack of Ursines is Un-Bear-able!


Sharoth wrote:
But that is one way to get the point.

Oh ho. That pun was dice-y but you went for it anyways!


gran rey de los mono wrote:
When I make chili, I always add exactly 239 beans. One more would be too farty.

Ahhahaha that joke was a gas.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Or learn Baleful Polymorph and cast it on myself.

I like the concept for the character but he does sound like a bit of a bird brain.


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gran rey de los nekkid wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
You also need to know not to buy your fish from strangers in trucks gran.. very important.

But what if I want to buy a truck from a fish in a stranger? Why didn't they teach me about that?

That's a mighty impressive eel, right there.

Just remember it's all about having a cod do attitude.


that is crazy some would say that's Bananas.


That was very mooooving.


Any pun you make at this point will be Boo-tiful.


Powdered toast man always seemed like a CRUMMY super hero to me.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
The mighty swordfish has few predators in the wild, but it is always on guard. You never know when the seldom-seen penfish might show up looking for a fight.

That story sounds awful fishy to me.


gran rey de los mono wrote:

Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one says “Ooh ooh aah ooh aah!”

The second one replies “Well, put some cold water in it then.”

You and your monkeyshines.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
I encountered a wild bear the other day, and, upon misremembering the advice I'd heard, played "Dad" instead of "dead". Now it says "Please" and "Thank You", and can ride a bicycle without training wheels.

I bet you also make it a point to emBEARass him infront of his friends.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I just finished grilling a steak. Three hours and it still won't tell me who it works for.

Come on steak! Tell me the info! What is the beef?


gran rey de los mono wrote:
My friend got home the other day and found that every single lamp and bulb in his house had been stolen. He was absolutely de-lighted.

Yeah well all my doors were stolen. So his problem is just a-door-able compared to mine.

Full Name

Shaedeen Valzanar

Race

Human (Chelaxian)

Classes/Levels

Unchained Rogue (Burglar) 2 | hp --8-- 17/17 [0 NL] | AC 18, t 15, ff 13 | Fort +1, Ref +7, Will +0 | Init +8 | Perc +5 (+6 to find secret/concealed things/+7 to find traps); Trap Spotter +7 | Conditions: none

Gender

Female

Size

Medium

Age

17

Strength 11
Dexterity 18
Constitution 12
Intelligence 12
Wisdom 10
Charisma 14

About Shaedeen M. Valzanar

Shaedeen Valzanar
_____________________________________________
Race Human
Gender Female
Age 17
Class Unchained Rogue (Burglar) Level 2
Init +8; Senses Perception +5
AL Neutral
DoB 6/30/4695 (Sarenith 30) (4712 current year?)
________________________________
DEFENSE
_____________________________________________
AC 18, touch 15, flat-footed 13 (+3 armor, +4 Dex, +1 dodge)
hp 17
Fort +1, Ref +7, Will +0
Defensive Abilities evasion

Evasion:

Evasion (Ex): At 2nd level, a rogue can avoid even magical and unusual attacks with great agility. If she succeeds at a Reflex saving throw against an attack that normally deals half damage on a successful save, she instead takes no damage. Evasion can be used only if the rogue is wearing light armor or no armor. A helpless rogue does not gain the benefit of evasion.

____________________________________________
OFFENSE
_____________________________________________
Speed 30 ft.
Melee rapier +5 (1d6 piercing/18-20) or dagger +5 (1d4 piercing, slashing/19-20)
Ranged light crossbow +5 (1d8 piercing/19-20) or sling +5 (1d4 bludgeoning)

Special Attacks sneak attack +1d6; Dirty Fighter +1 damage when flanking

Sneak Attack +1d6:

Sneak Attack: If a rogue can catch an opponent when he is unable to defend himself effectively from her attack, she can strike a vital spot for extra damage.
The rogue’s attack deals extra damage anytime her target would be denied a Dexterity bonus to AC (whether the target actually has a Dexterity bonus or not), or when the rogue f lanks her target. This extra damage is 1d6 at 1st level, and increases by 1d6 every 2 rogue levels thereafter. Ranged attacks can count as sneak attacks only if the target is within 30 feet. This additional damage is precision damage and is not multiplied on a critical hit.
With a weapon that deals nonlethal damage (such as a sap, unarmed strike, or whip), a rogue can make a sneak attack that deals nonlethal damage instead of lethal damage. She cannot use a weapon that deals lethal damage to deal nonlethal damage in a sneak attack—not even with the usual –4 penalty.
The rogue must be able to see the target well enough to pick out a vital spot and must be able to reach such a spot. A rogue cannot sneak attack while striking a creature with total concealment.

_____________________________________________
STATISTICS
_____________________________________________
Str 11, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 12, Wis 10 , Cha 14
Base Atk +1; CMB +1; CMD 16
Feats Dodge, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse (B)
Traits Eye for Plunder, Dirty Fighter (combat)
____________________________________________
SKILLS (Class Skills In Bold)
____________________________________________
Acrobatics +8 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +4 Dex, -1 ACP)
*Appraise +7 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +1 trait, +1 Int)
*Artistry +
Bluff +7 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +2 Cha)
Climb +4 (+2 ranks, +3 class, -1 ACP)
*Craft +1
Diplomacy +7 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +2 Cha)
Disable Device +9 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +1 trapfinding, +4 Dex, -1 ACP)
Disguise +2
Escape Artist +7 (+1 rank, +3 class, +4 Dex, -1 ACP)
Fly +
*Handle Animal +
Heal +0
Intimidate +2 (+2 Cha)
Knowledge (arcana) +
Knowledge (dungeoneering) +
*Knowledge (engineering) +
*Knowledge (geography) +
*Knowledge (history) +
Knowledge (local) +5 (+1 rank, +3 class, +1 Int)
Knowledge (nature) +
*Knowledge (nobility) +
Knowledge (planes) +
Knowledge (religion) +
*Linguistics +1
*Lore +
Perception +5/+6^/+7# (+1 rank, +3 class, +1 trait^, +1 trapfinding)
*Perform () +2 (+2 Cha)
*Profession (sailor) +4 (+1 rank, +3 class)
Ride +3 (+4 Dex, -1 ACP)
Sense Motive +5 (+2 ranks, +3 class)
*Sleight of Hand +7 (+1 rank, +3 class, +4 Dex, -1 ACP)
Spellcraft +
Stealth +8 (+2 ranks, +3 class, +4 Dex, -1 ACP)
Survival +0
Swim +4 (+2 ranks, +3 class, -1 ACP)
Use Magic Device +
* Background Skill
^ = +1 trait bonus on Perception checks to find concealed or secret objects (including doors and traps)
# = +1 bonus from trapfinding on Perception checks to find traps

Languages Common, Sczarni Sign Language
____________________________________________
SPECIAL QUALITIES
____________________________________________
SQ finesse training, trapfinding +1, trap spotter

Finesse Training:

Finesse Training (Ex): At 1st level, a rogue gains Weapon Finesse as a bonus feat. In addition, starting at 3rd level, she can select any one type of weapon that can be used with Weapon Finesse (such as rapiers or daggers). Once this choice is made, it cannot be changed. Whenever she makes a successful melee attack with the selected weapon, she adds her Dexterity modifier instead of her Strength modifier to the damage roll. If any effect would prevent the rogue from adding her Strength modifier to the damage roll, she does not add her Dexterity modifier. The rogue can select a second weapon at 11th level and a third at 19th level.

Trapfinding:

Trapfinding: A rogue adds 1/2 her level on Perception checks to locate traps and on Disable Device checks (minimum +1). A rogue can use Disable Device to disarm magic traps.

Rogue Talent (Trap Spotter):

Trap Spotter (Ex): (PRPG Core Rulebook pg. 69): Whenever a rogue with this talent comes within 10 feet of a trap, she receives an immediate Perception skill check to notice the trap. This check should be made in secret by the GM.

____________________________________________
EQUIPMENT AND GOLD
____________________________________________
Gear rapier (20/2), dagger (2/1), light crossbow (35/4) with 10 bolts (1/1), studded leather (25/20), thieves’ tools (30/1), belt pouch (1/.5)

Carrying Capacity, Str 11 Light:38 lbs. or less; Medium: 39–76 lbs.; Heavy: 77–115 lbs.
Current Encumbrance: 29.5 lbs.

Backpack (2/2), 4 lbs. soap (.04/4), 10 crossbow bolts (1/1), waterskin (1/4), grooming kit (1/2), perfume (5/-), explorer’s outfit (free), 66 ornamental gemstones (10 gp ea.; half are allegedly Sunny's share)

Gold 16 gp, 9 sp, 6 cp
____________________________________________
APPEARANCE
____________________________________________
Height 5’ 4”
Weight 102 lbs.
Eye Color Green
Hair Color Black
Region of Origin Magnimar, Varisia
Parents Regions of Origin Cheliax
Deity

Appearance Shaedeen’s a pretty thing with short black hair, expressive emerald eyes, pouty lips, and fine facial bone structure. In loose clothing she seems rather scrawny, but in snug clothing (which she prefers) her frame appears lithe.

Personality Acerbic, snarky, and a bit mean-spirited, Shaedeen hasn’t had a true friend since her family left Cheliax for their fateful visit to Magnimar. When shown proper respect or when her ego is stroked, the young woman’s a lot easier to be around. Her short stint with the Tower Girls has instilled a fierce desire for material possessions and status symbols in the young rogue.

Background
Shaedeen’s Chelish parents were murdered four years ago during a business trip to Magnimar. The young teenager spent almost three years living in a local orphanage before being turned out into the streets, due in equal parts to her advanced age and bad attitude. She quickly fell in with the Sczarni and became a trainee in the Tower Girls, a gang that specialized in executing robberies. A natural at the larcenous arts and a physical beauty, it didn’t take Shaedeen long to make some jealous enemies amongst the other trainees. Foremost of these was Keri Malikost, younger sister of an established and popular Tower Girl. Keri framed Shaedeen for the theft of some coins and jewelry from another trainee, and the Chelish rogue was forced to flee or face a harsh, undeserved punishment.

Fortunately, Shaedeen had made a few other acquaintances amongst Magnimar’s Sczarni populace. One fellow offered to sneak her out of the city on a ship and Shaedeen jumped at the opportunity…even though she’d never been on a ship before.

Brief Sample Post The journey south from Magnimar aboard the Throaty Mermaid had taken its toll on poor Shaedeen, who suffered bout after bout of seasickness, losing weight and turning even paler than her normal milky complexion. A few of the male crew members had tried to comfort her but Shae rebuffed their attempts, suspicious that the eager men’s motives were more salacious than sympathetic.

Now that she’s finally got her sea legs, the pretty teen has ventured out of her hammock and is sniffing about for the ship’s galley.

EYE FOR PLUNDER Campaign Trait
You’ve always had a keen eye for the glitter of gold or silver, and you’ve robbed enough rich merchants and raided enough ships to have a feel for where the most valuable plunder is hidden.
Benefit: You gain a +1 trait bonus on Appraise and Perception checks to find concealed or secret objects (including doors and traps). In addition, you begin the campaign with a selection of mundane trade goods worth 50 gp that you were able to scrounge together during your first day on the ship.