Matt Damon???
Dude, you just watched me get robbed of my bacon and all you can say is "You did it to yourself"? How does buying some tasty bacon put me at fault? And what are you doing with a duck on your head? Were you visiting the Munchkin dungeons without me?
Mrfqen?
*perches on Matt Damon Puppet's head*
MATT DAMON...
I'm not sure how much of this you want me to look past. You keep saying you want help, but you sure don't act like it. The "girls", the drugs, the assassins you call on Jimmy Kimmel...C'mon, this has got to stop. You're going to end up going down the wrong road again and make another 'The Talented Mr. Ripley'. I throw up every time I see that film. What about Minnie Driver? Can't you call her? Oh...I see. That's an...inappropriate way of showing your interest in a woman. Yeah, I totally understand the public indecency charge. No, you can't just leave it out and say you forgot about it. Don't you understand the concept of decency? Really? Your parents sniffed glue and used amphetamines? That's a little sad, I guess, but that's no excuse. You are as responsible for the person that you've become as much as they are, if not more so. No, you can't sue them for a bad childhood. Even if they did use red-hot pokers to discipline you with. Oh, no, no, no! I don't want to see the scars. I don't care if it looks like Robert Pattinson in Twilight.
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Wow this is my dream. Please Matt Damon come to my couch and let's talk about this ... a lot. There is years of data I can gather. I can only begin fathom what will come of these discussions. How many will be helped mainly me and perhaps you to some extent but think of the books and films we can make based on this story.
You're not planning on leaking his therapy sessions to the tabloids, are you?
Of course not. He's going to sell the therapy sessions to the tabloids. The difference is subtle, yet important.
Wow this is my dream. Please Matt Damon come to my couch and let's talk about this ... a lot. There is years of data I can gather. I can only begin fathom what will come of these discussions. How many will be helped mainly me and perhaps you to some extent but think of the books and films we can make based on this story.
*sits down in the couch*
Matt... Damon...
*shakes his head sadly*
Matt Damon.
Yeah... well...
Looks to me like you've all strayed from the narrow path.
The one true path !
The path of (gnomish) righteousness !
...
That's why I'll ultimately be the Master here.
That is why...
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAAHHHHHHHHH !
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE... HHHEEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE !
(It feels good to be back. It's like I never left. Like I've always been in this... forum... Maybe I was born here... O gods !)
Welcome back. Now gimme that win.
You can not have my win.
Silly pharaoh, wins are for Aztec death gods.
I thought he was a corpse that had been hit by purple lightning.
I make my own.
Eye win!
Nonono. He is a corpse-sculpture that's leaking purple farts.
I win.
I win because I do look like Sissyl who looks like a Clive Barker Night Breed, or Evil-lynn from Master of the Universe.
Demon queens can't win. There are some drag shows you can compete in though.
Falsehoods spoken by the aztec skeleton thingie that ate food from the radioactive Jenny Craig food plan. That's not a win.
And since I pointed this out, I win.
I can win. Because I'm a classy-looking undead, not looking like some mystery meat from a Luby's Cafeteria.
I win. Because I'm not purple. I mean purple undead. Really.
It's fashionable. At least, I look better than Matt Damon.
All you need now is a bunch of rainbow glitter and some cute moth wings and you'll be the absolute epitome of fashion. You can trust me on this one. Really. Won't he just look adorable, everyone? And just in time for Halloween, too! Aawww....
I don't care for Halloween. It used to be so nice and fun, but now...eh, not so much.
It's fashionable. At least, I look better than Matt Damon.
MATT DAMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Damn right I do! I never have to shave my head for people to appreciate me.
Dude,if you go around losing people's souls, "appreciate" is not what they'll do.
Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.
*complacently licking a paw* Of course not. I'm a cat.
Kats Rule, therefore I win.
They're multiplying!
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Hee, hee. We're coming to get you, chickens!
What's the last thing anyone says before they are eaten alive by a tiger?
Answer: "Help me dear God! I'm being eaten alive by a man-eating tiger!"
and I win.
What are you so angry about? Is it because I won and you lost?
Yes, that must be it. I win.
No, it's all the years I worked of those two stage magicians in years, the stage fright, the poor quality buffets, and the beating on my nose with a microphone. Frickin' Germans. So I took my frustrations out on one. That's how I win.
Fiddle Faddle. All I do is clap my paws and my humans feed and groom me. That is winning in style.
I play with a ball of yarn and chase mice. I win again.
Nothing so pleebian for me. There are no whole ankles around here.
I Win.
I've eaten ankles. I win.
Not while I am winning.
And while the two of you are squabbling, I leap over you and WIN!
And I triumph over all the kitties! No, you can't haz cheezburger!
I just ate a double bacon cheezburger, you vicious chicken. I am a WINNER!
...
I see you are frowning because I won!
Miss Pouty Lips lose to me.
Uh, no!
Oh Yes