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Schmorgan Heckengaard's page

59 posts. Alias of gran rey de los mono.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
hmm Is it bad that my ideal wedding would be a giant D&D Larp?

NNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!


4 people marked this as a favorite.

The food chain is what I beat you with until you give me food.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
I don't think this new guy is gonna work out. He's left me with an oversold hotel and 2 rooms that he thinks people might be in but are not checked in to our system and he says hes not sure so wtf?

Sounds like a winner to me!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Vanykrye wrote:
So it's a state and federal program using major tax credits and working in conjunction with the electric company...and basically they're figuring out that paying for the solar panels over 20 years is going to be a lower payment than our electric bill currently stands. And there's nothing to pay up front. I'm really trying to find the downside on this deal.

Don't use solar panels! They'll use up all the sun!!


4 people marked this as a favorite.
Headley Lamar wrote:
It's Headley!

The new sheriff is a *gong*!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Vidmaster7 wrote:

Its funny I learned playing D&D that over-planning does little to ones benefit. We would plan for something spend hours doing it then the DM would change the circumstances.

My problem is my brain manipulates me with boredom. I feel like I'm always at war with that feeling of ennui.

Strange. I'm usually at war with that feeling of Henri.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Just a Mort wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
There was a day when your parents set you down, and never picked you up again.
Because you grew too heavy.

Or they stopped loving you.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Almost done.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Just happened: Kid and his mom are riding up the elevator with me (i need something from a top storage closet) Kid trying to be funny asks "So do you kill us on the elevator or when we are asleep in our rooms?" I chuckle lightly turn to him and as serious as I can manage "Its much easier when their asleep" He got super quiet after that...

"Oh, don't worry kid. The ghosts aren't going to let you sleep tonight anyways."


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I guess it raaaains down in AAAAFFFRIIICA!!!!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

*runs to get bacon for the eggs*


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question."
I'm going to resist going into a psychology lesson I had on the subject of spanking.

Refusing to share your knowledge about spanking? That's a paddlin'!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Kileanna wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I used to hate math, until I realized that decimals have a point.
In Spain the point is for thousands and the comma for decimals. It's our revenge against people who doesn't want to adopt the metric system xD

That's just more proof that Europe is backwards.


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Gundam Wing is the ultimate Gundam.


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Zoltan Planeswalker wrote:

I am afraid I am a natural-born wanderer. Since I've discovered my planeshifting abilities I can't stay in the same place for too long.

Plus, in less than a week I have scheduled a planeshift to that strange world (Dirt? Ground? I am terribad with names) with "televisions" for the premiere of Game of Thrones.

Don't bother. That show sucks.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Or why New York City has the best possums?


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Freehold DM wrote:
Schmorgan Heckengaard wrote:
My forgiveness is hard-won, Freehold. In fact, you may need to say something nice about Alton Brown in order to win it.
you don't look a thing like lisamarlene, but if it will help, I think Alton Brown would taste wonderful after being drowned in a three day marinade.

I might, we don't know. And what kind of marinade?


2 people marked this as a favorite.

My forgiveness is hard-won, Freehold. In fact, you may need to say something nice about Alton Brown in order to win it.


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Vapid Captain Yesterday wrote:

I'm priceless.

On account, every time I'm kidnapped nobody pays the ransom.

Are you confusing priceless with worthless again?


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Seleena Duskmantle wrote:
You cannot trust evil guys. I feel more comfortable with my old trusty good guys.

In the same vein, you should always booby-trap your allies' positions. You can trust an enemy, but you should never trust a friend.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Keep doing that and I shall end you rightly.


AHHH...A moth!! Quick, turn on the bug zapper!! And make sure it's the big one!


*punches Evil Overlord in the taint*


Oui.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Cap'n Yesterday, FaWtL Tourism wrote:
So, there's a thread where someone is asking for advice because the Paladin is f#*$ing skulls.

I'd recommend lube.


*slow clap*


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Nutcase Entertainment wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

sara marie: when two feast golems love each other very much

katina: They put literal buns in the oven

They don't make Buffet Golems? Or fuse into the Banquet Golem? :(

- - - - - - -

Feast Colossus.

So, Buffet Golems fuse to make Banquet Golems, which can combine to form a Feast Colossus? Sounds like the most delicious Voltron ever.


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David M Mallon wrote:
Just putting this out there: if I ever get conscripted into a BESM RPG game, I'm naming my character Mai Waifu, and not a one of you can stop me.

If I ever get roped into a BDSM RPG game, I'm naming my character "Safe Word", and hopefully that will stop everyone.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Aniuś the Talewise wrote:
a friend with lots of string got me a new string for my pendant. Yay!

I never trust friendships that come with lots of strings.


6 people marked this as a favorite.
Celestial Healer wrote:
Evening all. What did I miss?

Well, NobodysHome and captain yesterday were discussing large swathes of protective latex weighing hundreds of pounds. Then a large carpentry tool that makes cat noises went missing. It was re-established that Freehold loves Joss Whedon, and the dragon commented on the alacrity with which his bits move through the ether. Finally, oversized asiatic cuisine was introduced and an a~$#%%* tried to write a recap of the last page.


Beware of shaven yaks. They get cold without all their hair, and then try to snuggle up with you in your sleeping bag. And they won't take no for an answer.

Also, some of them have seen the clip where Han slices open the tauntaun and shoves Luke inside for warmth. Those are the most dangerous, because they try to slice you open and use your innards to keep their outers warm. Unfortunately, since yaks are banned from having or using sharp edged tools by the 1136BC Treaty of Cebu IIXIV, they can only use dull plastic sporks to try and open you up.

It kinda tickles.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
LordSynos wrote:
Mornin' FaWtLeans! I hope everyone is well today, and having a good week. Bright and sunny, if still a little chilly, hereabouts. Rain forecast for this weekend, and ain't a thing wrong with that either. :) House painting almost done, a lick of paint really does spruce the place up.

Please don't lick paint. Especially if it's lead based.


When my wife was with child, I started referring to her as "Spaghetti Sauce". When people asked me why I called her that, I said "Because she's Prego."


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Limeylongears wrote:
Hands up who's ever seen a curved rapier.

Ask one of the warriors from Hammerfell. I hear they have curved swords. Curved. Swords.

Apparently they like to practice with them while nekkid, too.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Treppa wrote:

<_<

Forcibly enrolls Limeylongears in the Treppa-Nation.

I need entry to that club like I need another hole in my head.


1: Hey, is that gift from your new boyfriend? The one who runs a Jewish Deli?
2: Yep, isn't it great!
1: Why is there a potato filled pastry stuck on the outside?
2: It's SWAK--Sealed With A Knish.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

*turns off the Lights*


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David M Mallon wrote:
Last night (from 5 PM to 5 AM) was spent volunteering as a fill-in actor at a F$++ING MASSIVE haunted house. Cool, but I never want to do that again. Also, I now know how background NPCs in video games feel repeating the same lines over and over again. By the end, I was tempted to tell the patrons all about the warriors from Hammerfell and their curved. Swords.

I used to enjoy going to haunted houses. But then I took an arrow to the knee.


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Liz Courts wrote:

Robot Chris: essentially they’re like Clippy

Robot Chris: but with knives
That Damn Paper Clip wrote:
*taps screen*

"It looks like you're trying to go all stabby-stabby, slicey-slicey, murder-death-kill. Would you like help with that?"


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Celestial Healer wrote:
Evening, all. What did I miss?

First off, three Clerics were discussing party dynamics while a bard shook his moneymaker. Then, the dreaded Dradger (a Dragon-Badger hybrid) unleashed a horde of never-before-seen monsters upon an unsuspecting populace. Meanwhile, across town, a manly black dwarf in a traditional Germanic dress celebrated Septemberfiesta by making pictures of himself and pasting them into a book made of faces. All the while, the demon-possessed, time-travelling, homicidal gerbil armed only with a ukulele tracked down the Tooth Fairy with strange intentions...

No, wait!! That was my acid trip!


Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:
Just pissed me off royally. I'm sorry that your company is f*+#ed up and you're in a hurry Mr. Delivery Guy. No I'm not......f%%& you, and f&~! Sears. Eat a bag of ding dongs; I'm through with you!!!

Surely there is a better way to express your displeasure than by giving them snack cakes. You could, for instance, try getting Very Cross.


AAAHHH!!! Bogie on my six! Bogie on my six!! Get him off, get him off, get him off!!!


Ulfen Death Squad is banned for trying to kill the thread.


Vrog Skyreaver is banned for giving Tinkerbell the clap.


rashly5 is banned for buying naives.


If your child is old, what does that make you?


♣♠Magic♦♥ is banned because it's pronounced just like it's spelled.


Angry Little Guy is banned for being oblivious.


Nah.


ZevVeli is banned for checking.

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