Ghostvision gloves
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
These gloves are often made of pale grey silk or leather, each adorned with an embroidered silver eye on the back.
Once per day the wearer may activate them, as a standard action, by bowing her head and pressing her hands to her eyes. The embroidered silver eyes flare and open, and when the wearer lowers her hands, deep pools of swirling grey mist hide her own eyes and allow her to more clearly see the restless dead.
While active, ghostvision gloves grant the following effects.
The wearer can see all undead within 60 feet clearly, including ethereal undead and incorporeal undead hiding in objects or walls to a depth of 5 feet.
If the wearer has the channel positive energy class ability, ghostvision gloves allow her to precisely focus divine power on a specific undead creature that she can see. By expending one channel use, she inflicts 1d6 damage per level (maximum 10d6) to a single undead target as a ranged touch attack. The channel use does not also provide area effect damage or healing. The gloves cannot be used to channel negative energy.
While the gloves are active, the wearer is flat footed to living opponents and constructs. The gloves remain active for 10 rounds before the wearer’s eyes return to normal.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect undead, searing light, channel positive energy class ability; Cost 2000 gp
Interesting idea. I'm not sure about the wisdom of granting channel energy abilities without line of effect. In general, I do like the idea of an item that grants the ability to see ethereal and incorporeal undead hiding within objects or walls (but only to a depth of 5 feet). I'm not sure why they chose to make them gloves. Lenses for the eyes would have made better thematic sense and wouldn't require all that flavor text.
Weak keep.
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I like that it lets you see incorporeal undead creatures hiding inside a wall.
I like that it lets you turn a burst into a more powerful single-target attack.
I like that you're flat-footed against living and construct opponents (although technically it should say you're blind, not just ff).
I totally get the gloves angle... you normally have to present your holy symbol to channel energy, typically by holding it in your hand, so the idea of "seeing" these undead with your hand-sight makes sense. I think the flavor of these seals the deal on this item.
There are some minor flubs in the stat block, but this person has a spark.
Keep!
I particularly like how this item forces a meaningful choice on the player. The flat-footed condition is one that you accept only at great risk to yourself. But in a campaign or an encounter where undead are likely to be your major foes, the ability to clearly see them, and make big-damaged ranged touch attacks against them is worth that trade-off.
I recommend that you vote for this designer.
I agree there is mojo here and I want to see what this author has. Perfect example of how round 1 is about selecting contestants, not just about great items.
My big gripe is that they are gloves. These gloves could be combined with other sight based magic items (gem of seeing, etc), that could cause some concerns. I'm not totally comfortable giving a pass on the particular affinity that body slots have to certain powers. I think Pathfinder did a great job of cleaning that up from 3E and I feel this item backslides on that a bit. BUT...I also appreciate what Sean says re the gloves.
Despite that quibble, this is a clear keep from me.
Another point--this person obviously also PLAYS D&D/Pathfinder and I dont think that can be overstated as a great quality in a freelancer. We have a lot of "book" designers--guys who dont play much but know the rules and know them well. I think it is important to play a lot and really know how the game works at the table. I *LOVE* that he recognizes one of the biggest issues caused by incorporeal undead is their ability to hide in the floor or walls and come out at you. That says this designer plays at the table. Seeing that addressed in an item made me smile.
Welcome to the Top 32!
You've given us some great imagery and flavour. I like the creepy element of pseudo-transplanting the wearer's eyes into her hands. I've lost more than one character to incorporeal attacks, so I'd love to burn a few ghostly undead away with these gloves.
You had a few extra words to use, which could have been used to clean up the last paragraph a bit. However, that's a minor niggle. Overall, you have given us a great item. Well done.
Good luck for round 2.
What I like:
The flavor here is pretty fun. While I'm not sold on these as gloves, really (see my quibbles below), I do like the really cool visual thematic that you've given them as a result of that.
And as a side note on that, I like that using these renders you unable to see non-undead for the duration. (And, as a side note, bonus points to you for taking the extra time to add 'and constructs' to the flatfooted effect, since, knowing me, I'd probably have chimed in with a question of that nature if you'd just said ;living creatures'. Outhinking nitpicks is always wise, if you can afford the words.)
What I love:
I really dig abilities/senses that allow for spirit sighting. Probably because once upon a time I had a 2E character with a psionic wild talent that did a similar job, but, hey, we all have our weird preferences. I'm curious... does the ghostvision also let a user know he's looking at an undead if that undead is disguised to look living, like a vampire trying to pass or something?
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
My first reaction is that this feels really odd as a glove/hands item. That's a minor concern, of course, and I know there aren't really body slot affinities anymore, but this still feels a little weird and arbitrary.
I'm not really wowed by the focusing of channeled energy, here; it honestly doesn't feel like enough of an upgrade to be worth sacrificing the area of effect. Okay, damage goes up a bit (unless the cleric is above 18th level, but given the cost of these we'll assume it's intended as a low level item.) On the downside, it's now a ranged touch to affect one creature instead of automatically hitting a whole bunch. I assume the affected undead doesn't get to make a saving throw for half damage, though, so... I dunno. The pendulum keeps swinging back and forth on this use for me.
All in all...
A fairly interesting item, when all is said and done. Honestly, thinking about it, even my questions about the altered channeling is irrelevant; I assume you'd use this when you're face to face with a solo Dracula, not when you're surrounded by his creepy brides. Congratulations and welcome to RPG Superstar!
The more I think about this item, the more impressed I am. I love the description and flavor. The new channel use is smart and powerful. The gloves' abilities inspire me to create both creepy horror adventures and tactically complex combats with a combination of corporeal and incorporeal foes. Looking forward to seeing what you bring to the next rounds.
I am on the fence with this one. Most likely I would not buy it as a player, preferring to up the price so I am not flat-footed or blind against anyone.
Thank you, judges all, for your feedback and encouragement. Deep breath, and time for some hard work.
Cheers!
Congratulations! I like this item a lot... The wording around the "hiding in objects or walls to a depth of 5 feet" needs work, but that's minor... Good job!
I love this item alot. The flavor is great, the "opening" of the eyes on the gloves is very cinematic. I can visualize this clearly and it's awesome. The icing for me is when the cleric busts out a concentrated channel energy to annihilate some undead creature. I can see using this in an upcoming campaign I'm playing in with my undead hunter character.
Very. Very. Cool.
I like this item. I love the imagery, and the description, and the overall effect. I'm a little torn on the hands slot item, but not for any reason mentioned here...
What I'm concerned is that as written, it implies you need to have both hands free to activate this item. That;s a major gimp for a lot of players, especially clerics, because it's often a move action to draw or stow an item. Sure, if you're doing this, you're fighting undead and channeling energy, but sometimes you need a weapon about for that too.
Maybe I'm overthinking it a little, but despite that, I like the item a lot. I look forward to seeing your work in future rounds.
I thought the writing and the effects of this item were very well done. Definitely a ghost busting item if I ever seen one and do like busting ghosts :).
Thanks, guys, for the congratulations and for the ongoing feedback. I'm going to focus on round two, but I am happy to come back here and answer any specific questions that come up.
This is a must have for any Ustalavian campaign. Very flavorful and adds an interesting twist. Very nice
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 8/10
Oh dear, no commas in the numbers for price and cost.
In Requirements, i'm not sure if you need to say "class ability" or not, so i won't ding any points for that, but will mention it for possible clarification for all our benefit. I also wonder if the name of the class ability needs capitalisation, e.g. Channel Positive Energy, like the feats.
Slot affinity: 8/10
Hmmm, the second item that ties hands and eyes. However, this is slightly better as it places an effect that is conatined in the gloves over the eyes providing the item benefit. So yeah, I can see this one.
Abuseability: 9/10
I did wonder if there were any groups with players who "face palm" while playing - evil dm grin. I don't like giving 10/10 so you got a 9.
Desirability: 9/10
My priest wants a set. Say no more.
Originality: 9.5/10
This, to me, oozes design sexy. It's so close to being a 10, but I just cant quite put my finger on why my brain is going "no, 9". So you gota 9.5.
Ant Score: 43.5/50 (87%)
I'm finding myself agreeing with Clark and Neil regarding this item being made into gloves. The descriptive text is nice, but I still feel that a better slot could have been chosen. No, PF doesn't have explicit affinity rules, but they're still implicitly there in the design of magical items, and this just doesn't feel right in those terms. I could see this as filling any of several slots (eyes, head, even neck works, such as being an actual holy symbol) but hands doesn't feel right.
I really like this item. It's flavorful, it's useful, it's interestingly balanced... it's just really cool.
The glove slot doesn't bother me at all here; it reinforces the theme of trading senses rather than gaining senses, since you actually cover your eyes to gain the benefits of the item. The modification to channeling is spot-on. Better to give an item a little bonus for a particular class rather than outright limiting it to that class, and better to grant a new option than to force an alternation to an existing power.
I'm not sure flat-footed was precisely the way to go with your drawback. Fluff-wise, it seems that you meant to imply that the user can't see non-undead, or at least can't see them clearly. But the flat-footed mechanic doesn't really support that (notably, the user would have no trouble targeting non-undead targets). If you meant blind and said flat-footed, that's a significant error. But the flavor's not clear, so maybe you intended flat-footed to represent some other effect of using the gloves.
Overall, this is a very well-done item. Congrats.
I love the imagery of this item. Absolutely love it. It flavorfully gets away from slot affinity in a way that I have seen in fiction (passing you hands over you eyes to look beyond the veil).
I would not have included constructs in the things you are flatfooted against, unless you also cannot see mundane objects normally. Then I would have said something about treating terrain as difficult, or made them blind.
I would have included a way to dismiss the effect (standard action to reverse)
I love the way this allows you to break a rule (no line of effect), but only for specific purpose. I am trying to decide if I would prefer if it allowed you to cast more spells through the vision.
I do not think you should have specified that you do not get the normal channel energy burst effect. This seems out of place and threw me off a little.
Overall, I really like the item.
Reminiscent of the pale man from Pan's labyrinth, but different enough to still be cool. The best of many gloves this year.
Hey Will, congratulations! I'm making the rounds on everybody's items (although, I should probably be writing an organization...), so here goes!
What I Like
This is tight. People notice when you pay attention to details like wall depth. I like that it's an item that can stay with your character for a while. Although it might be in a backpack for a while when not worrying about undead, they always inevitably come shuffling along. And when they do, you'll be able to whip these out like old friends.
I like that it's reliant on something other than charges per day, and has the 10 round usage requirement, which is an effective drawback.
Needs Improvement
I'm assuming this bypasses things like darkness and fog cloud. It might be good to clarify, but this is minor.
I do wonder how this would interact with other sight enhancements, which is likely considering the slot you chose.
How I Feel About You as an Opponent
The mojo's strong with this one. The item's grown on me. I feel like you've got just the right mix of mechanical expertise and style, which probably puts me at a disadvantage. I look forward to the challenge!
I don't really have an issue with the gloves vs. another slot, because the flavor you gave their activation was very vivid. Well priced, neat ability and decent, understandable trade off (if you're focused on the dead, the living might get the drop on you. Kinda like looking at one of those Magic Eye posters while someone sneaks up on you). Keep that mojo flowing for your organization!
Wow. More thanks are due for your feedback (positive and constructive), and engagement with my gloves. I'm particularly glad to get perspectives from both players and GMs. Thank you all, this is like pure oxygen on the creative fires.
Very cool. Did anyone else get a Luna type character walking around with these, or is that just me?
First of, congratulations and good luck! Also, congratulations for being among the few all the judges apparently like!
Now, analysis. I've realized by now that I pretty much comment on what I find worth mentioning, so not all item will get the same focus areas from me.
First Impression
Ghostvision, hmm... not sure what bothers me about that, but something does. Looks like it has an interesting enough idea, but I'm just not charmed.
Analysis
Name: It's not x of y, which it good, but 1) something about "Ghostvision" is really not working for me. Also Ghostvision Gloves, allitteration, which should normally have me liking this. Damn, but I can't say what is putting me off, except perhaps that "vision" and "gloves" seems just a little offensive to my logic.
Originality and Effect: Smooth enough design for something which, at least haven't been done too much before. I don't get what channeling has to do with "Ghostvision". Strikes as a little too much of two different effects, mashed into one for more shine, with a name that only matches one of the effects.
Description and Template: I think the template issues have anout been mentioned, and none of them annoys me when reading the item. You got this one wording which my grammar freak eyes don't like none too much "The channel use does not also provide". Does not also. I might be nitpicking overly much, but spending a word on "also" bothers me, and something about the general wording just there (especially at least) has me wondering if I shouldn't reread my English grammar tonight (in case I don't, as a non-native speaker realize that this is in fact a perfectly good formulation). For now, it just bothers me a little.
b]Overall[/b] Well, surprise. Rereading this item actually made me feel better about it. I'm not saying it's a favourite, but looking closely at it actually makes me wonder if I was just having negative thoughts from somewhere else when I first read it.
Anyway, I hope it was useful for anything. Go out and amaze me with your organization, and you've got an increasingly good chance at my vote.
Good luck!
Thanks Cassey.
Luthia, thank you for the detailed review. I've just finished a close-to-final draft of my organisation so have some time now, and I'd like to use your review as a springboard into a few design notes. Hope that's OK.
The inspiration. Design ideas often come to me very visually - it starts with a cinematic moment - or in this case, two cinematic moments. The first is that moment when someone covers their eyes in order to see more truly, opening their spiritual eyes, peering beyond the veil (well said Caineach). The second cinematic image is the dark, shifting, blurred nightmare of images they see through the gloves, with only the dead standing out in sharp relief. That imagery was certainly influenced by what Peter Jackson did when Frodo puts on the ring on Amon Sul. I have loved that visual ever since I first saw it.
So when the gloves are active the wearer is clearly seeing, and closely attuned to, the flows of negative energy that saturate undead creatures. Normally when a cleric channels, the divine power spills out in all directions, uncontrolled. But with the gloves they have this clear vision into a spiritual dimension of positive and negative energy, and they can very actively channel power from their god to disrupt a specific flow of negative energy.
So that's the narrative, descriptive, story-led element. With the mechanics I wanted (as Ryan and Clark in particular noted) to enable tactical combat and force tactical choices. More effective vs undead but vulnerable to the living? Weaker damage to multiple enemies or stronger damage to one?
Going back through other feedback: the slot affinity question just didn't occur to me, and that's a flub. I wouldn't have changed it (just love the visual too much), but I should have made an eyes-open design choice rather than not considering it at all. Also some good points about reduced vision making for difficult terrain, blindness vs reduced vision, and interaction with other sight effects. This is the sort of rounded design thinking that I need to improve on. (Which is to say, thanks again for the feedback).
Lastly, the English construction "X does Y, it does not also do Z" is perfectly idiomatic, at least in my British dialect. Luthia, you are right though that the sentence still makes sense without the 'also'; so it is a wasted word and should have been cut.
Phew! Wall o' text! Time for lunch and then a final polish of my organisation. Hope to delight you all :)
A lot
You're welcome to use it. The insight in your design process is much valued. I actually think it gave me, at least, a better feel for you item.
As for the word issue, I'm not a native speaker, so it was just a sense of superfluous word. Beside, some people are template oriented, I'm grammar/language oriented, so I look a lot at that. Besides, cutting a dozen also's and other fill words can give a close-to-word-count (I have no idea if you might have had that issue with this item and other writings or not, but I've found that it's easy to cut such words, and often they'll allow me to get a nice, descriptive word somewhere else, or a finer explanation of something. For that reason, I'm superconscious of fill words. I hope that is some use to you in the future (such as this word-tight organization round?).
Good luck with it!
Not much to add to this beyond what's already been said - but I like this item. I frequently pit wraiths against my players (they're one of my favorite monsters), and they tend to hide in walls a lot. This would be a highly valued item in my games.
Congratulations Will,
Your visuals are strong, though overdone. I felt some of the wording was redundant (specifically 'single target' followed by 'not AoE'). I do like the stronger channeling bit. Nice job and good luck!
My players hate it when incorporeal undead come to the attack out of the floor or walls. They would *love* having an item such as yours in their arsenal, and I can see why. I really like the way you wove the description, the effects, and the use of channeling together to create a compelling magic item.
Another thing I love about this item: it can offer one of those "oh crap!" moments for the party. The cleric activates his gloves and scans the corridor ahead. All he sees hiding within the walls, the columns, and the floor is a virtual army of incorporeal spirits or similar undead.
Fantastic work!
Thanks for the continued feedback and encouragement. Steven, that's very high praise - thank you. And Mark, that could be an awesome moment...
Hudson the Cleric: "They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the g#%##*n walls man. Let's book!"
Ripley the Fighter: "I say we take off and meteor strike the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Hudson the Cleric: "F**!in' A"
Congratulations! I just realized you got in, guy!
duuuh.....long story;.....I kinda don't read these.....
Another point--this person obviously also PLAYS D&D/Pathfinder and I dont think that can be overstated as a great quality in a freelancer. We have a lot of "book" designers--guys who dont play much but know the rules and know them well. I think it is important to play a lot and really know how the game works at the table. I *LOVE* that he recognizes one of the biggest issues caused by incorporeal undead is their ability to hide in the floor or walls and come out at you. That says this designer plays at the table. Seeing that addressed in an item made me smile.
heh heh.....
OH NO! LOOK OUT! IT'S THE LOPPER!!!*psyke!*
;)
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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"I see undead people..." :)
And you can seriously blow them up as well. Since I often end up playing clerics, I really like this item.
I have one question regarding the single-target effect: does the undead creature get a saving throw against the channel effect? I suspect not, since you've replaced it with a ranged touch attack, which adds its own uncertainty to success and makes it an all-or-nothing affair.
Cool item, Will, and best of luck in the next round!
Hehe heathy, thanks for heading over here. Do come back for the next round :)
Thanks taig, and good lick to you too. For the record, I agree with you that the ranged touch attack is balanced without a saving throw.
Saw that this was yet another pair of gloves and groaned. Then read it and fell in love. This is my favorite item out of the approximately 20 that I've read. You're getting my vote. Cool visual. Cool powers. Well written. Good luck, can't wait to see what you have in round 2.
I love some of your imagery, Will, especially "deep pools of swirling grey mist" over the eyes (and the effect that has on regular sight). Interesting item that anyone who's heading into a known haunted area would have to try to acquire, I think.
I love the visual that goes with using these… But I’m not sure about the positive energy channeling. I think I’d like to see them less expensive and not affect channeling, but I may be in a minority there. I could definitely see all of my undead hunting characters with a pair of these.
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Love this item, and can certainly see the practical uses straight away. My only point is the wording which in two places seems somewhat awkward namely the use of the word "also". With some extra words to be used, I would suggest double checking the flow of the sentence rather than get hung up on the rules/mechanics. Its easy to turn equipment/items into a an essay when you try to address every loop-hole players might use with an item.
Also, good to see one of our neighbours (NZ - I'm in Australia) get through. I'll be interested in your organisation which I'm about to read.
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Congrats on Top 32!
I had a similar item submission (that dealt with channel energy) but a different mechanic, and the best thing about your item is the mechanics. The balance is great, and that is often the hardest thing for me (2nd hardest is the dang pricing).
I don't know how you could have made these better, and I bow to your superior design skills.
Kudos, sir, and best of luck on the rest of the competition. I will be watching your submissions with great interest.
Ghostvision gloves
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
These gloves are often made of pale grey silk or leather, each adorned with an embroidered silver eye on the back.Once per day the wearer may activate them, as a standard action, by bowing her head and pressing her hands to her eyes. The embroidered silver eyes flare and open, and when the wearer lowers her hands, deep pools of swirling grey mist hide her own eyes and allow her to more clearly see the restless dead.
While active, ghostvision gloves grant the following effects.
The wearer can see all undead within 60 feet clearly, including ethereal undead and incorporeal undead hiding in objects or walls to a depth of 5 feet.
If the wearer has the channel positive energy class ability, ghostvision gloves allow her to precisely focus divine power on a specific undead creature that she can see. By expending one channel use, she inflicts 1d6 damage per level (maximum 10d6) to a single undead target as a ranged touch attack. The channel use does not also provide area effect damage or healing. The gloves cannot be used to channel negative energy.
While the gloves are active, the wearer is flat footed to living opponents and constructs. The gloves remain active for 10 rounds before the wearer’s eyes return to normal.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect undead, searing light, channel positive energy class ability; Cost 2000 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
Gloves with eyes embroidered on them are not generally fashionable. Even if they are silk.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Possibly in areas where undead shoplifters are a problem, although the one per day limitation on use is rather problematic.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Not really, no. Besides the earlier point about them not being fashionable, the eyes design may freak some potential dates out.
Other Comments?
Succubi are, of course, one of the most advanced, intelligent, witty, amazing, forms of life in existence. Consequently, most tend not to lower themselves to working for deities. (Besides which, being creatures of the outer spheres, succubi have the opportunity to observe most deities in their native environments, and to be frank most of them have absolutely awful table manners.) Anyway, to get to the point, the main power of the gloves of blow-up-undead-using-divine-power consequently is rather pointless for most succubi.
Gollum Rating: