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1. Okay, Team Trump, we need a new, CLASSY insulting name for Hillary Clinton, something pithy, something CULTURED, maybe a portmanteau....
2. Why GoatToucher, I can give you anything you want from here In Your Closet. All you need to do is...FEED ME.
3. What has two thumbs, and just betrayed his best friend?!?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. A predictable reference to Robot Chicken.
2. An obscure reference to Are You Afraid of the Dark?
3. Only the GREATEST ZINGER OF THE POLIITICAL SEASON! BOOYAAAAAAH!!!
1: :stabs IHIYC repeatedly, then holds him close and caresses his cheek: SHH! Shh! Let it happen!
2: :stands, holding a single red candle in a dark room, clad in a thick robe that ends at his waist, and nothing else: It is time to join The Midnight Society.
3: Trump? More like... Jerk!... :coughs:
Answers
1: Ding-a ding-dang my dang-a-long ling-long!
2: It's a love affair. Mainly Jesus... and my hotrod.
3: Thieves! Thieves and liars!
1.) The workroom has closed for the night! Let ring the bells of celebration!
2.) So you say you found another lost gospel near the Dead Sea? What kind of spiritual wisdom is inside it?
3.) In a leak of your secret diary, GoatToucher, it was found that your depravity chamber doesn't have anything depraved actually in it. Do you have a response to these allegations?
I cannot promise you an answer. Except for three.
1.) I think you'll find that after we add a papaya, all of the problems will disappear.
2.) Why? Just... why?
3.) I'm just going to ignore that and pretend I didn't hear you.
1) I can't get my special punch to get the right fruity flavor.
What am i missing here, what?
2) Hey, i'm aiming a ray gun at the Kremlin, wanna watch it do its thing?
3) Oh goody goody, even though the ray didn't have the destructive effect just yet, it still vaporizes hair...and clothes....and, well, wanna hear what's visible now?
So here are the new answers.
1) Well, that's one sure way to stop the ever arriving boats with refugees.
2) Sure, but why on earth would you dump it at a graveyard?
3) Zombie sheep, and vampiric sheep dogs.
1. What do you think of my plan to DRINK THE SEA?
2. Didn't she say that if we managed to get all the tutus into the Jell-O, we could do whatever we wanted with it?
3. What are Necromancer GoatToucher's second and third favourite things, after ghoul Chimeras?
Here are your letters: N W S E A S R.
1. The Nightie Tightie Dwight Band
2. The Bitty Shitty Turd Band
3. The Fry's Turkish Delight Band
1. What music group did you say is composed of midnight stranglers?
2. You mentioned a group of musicians, who kinda sucked, what was their name again?
3. Mr. E.'s special fast food theme band, who are they?
And so here are your answers.
A. It sounds like love, but it looks like..-sex-.
B. Jurassic Bard ate all the members of the US congress.
C. No, they didn't. But the evil wizard sure gave them hell because of it.
1: Baaaaaaaa?
2: What's with all this political gridlock in the legislature? Why can't they get anything done?
3: Did those fiendish minions attend the HR meeting on sexual harassment in the workplace?
Answers:
1: Not as much as you'd think.
2: Sometimes even -I- need a little Goat Toucher's brand Rump Ointment!
3: Muscle and Hate!
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1.) Come on, there have to be at least some ultra-stimulants in the ointment, right?
2.) Are... are you getting high off of your own supply?
3.) But how are you not overdosing right now?
Don't not never un-have an answer.
1.) Just hold on! I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for all this!
2.) I'm honestly not really sure what that was.
3.) Sorry, but I'm all out of f***s to give.
1: :enters, whistling. starts at what he sees: How did you get into my "workroom", and whose goat is that?
2: Excuse me, but did I just see a tentacle sprout from inside your pants, grab a chicken wing, and retreat to your nether-portions?
3: Man, I am famished! Pass me a roasted fox, please.
Answers
1: I regret that you have but one life for me to give for my country.
2: Now you know the true meaning of "SNAFU".
3: BLOOD MAKES THE GRASS GROW! MARINES MAKE THE BLOOD FLOW! KILL! KILL! KILL!
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1. What would you say to 1/9th of a cat?
2. So... I *do* know Snarf's True Name?!
3. Will you sing me the song of the Fertiliser Corps?
Hold me closer, tiny answers.
1. I smell a witch!
2. I see a new world!
2. I feel like Goating tonight!
1. I smell....i smell....herbal tea, do you smell that too?
2. Discovering new terrain huh. I wonder, what would the first colonists have said back then?
3. She's imitating a giraffe, he's imitating a dog, so what animal will you be tonight?
So, next poster, here are your answers.
A) Jeanette & Therese Voerman, who else?
B) +1 sin for the Deus Ex Machina saving of the main character.
C) Become a vampire, it's that or the werewolf....let alone a vampire hunter.
A.) Do I even have to ask who's redponsible for this?
B,) ... And then Robo-Jesus jumps from out behind the cloud and kills the bad guy! So... What do you think of my screenplay?
C.) So... Strand Von Zarovitch has invited me to lunch. What are my options?
Next poster, if you fail to ask these next questions, I will be most cross!
1.) Have you tried hitting it really hard?
2.) That just makes me want to kill you even more!
3.) No! My precious modeling career!
1. Well mister Johnson, you claim to have a sharp eye.
Can you tell me who this is?
2. The monster's got poor eyesight, but will still know your position by the sound of your breath. You think you can escape?
3. (Stares in silence)
Here are the new answers.
1. Ireland has successfully become independent from the UK.
2. That explains the sudden declaration of independence, of half the western states of the US.
3. A gas mask on a pikachu.
1. Is it 1922 yet?
2. Did you hear? Washington has decided to ban Stetsons and almond milk!
3. What would GoatToucher's ideal avatar image be?
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Answers, Duke, Duke.
1. And that's why we need silicone toe enhancers.
2. Take him out of the porridge first!
3. Only in a Japanese schoolgirl's outfit.
1. Of all things, there's a new customer in the fetish brothel...and he's a toe fetishist?!
2. Where did that stuntman go? He's supposed to take the high dive into a bath of custard.
3. So you're saying i can't just use the spell black tentacles on women....under what condition -can- i use it on them?
Here are the new answer:
1) Lucky7 wasn't so lucky yesterday.
2) Put giant Cyber-sharks in the mediterranean, that's how.
3) That's certainly an original way to use goblins in times of strife.
1. ...Why is there a piano in that windshield?
2. Hey, is there a good way to get these Auto-pilot fish out the Atlantic?
3. So here's the idea: we're going to have these magic items that are made from goblin heads that blow up the last person to handle them. What do you think?
And now, some questionable answers.
1. Well, the ducks thought it was cool, so we'll let it slide.
2. No, Zoidberg had a valid point there.
3. I wasn't sure, it was only exploding a little this morning.
1.) So, uh... are we in trouble for making it rain bread?
2.) Why are you listening to him? He practices medicine but has a doctorate in fine arts!
3.) Is the coffeemaker working right? My latte tastes a little... gunpowderey.
Next poster, I compel you to ask!
1.) Yes, that's right. Even the weird one.
2.) But you can't... you know what, never mind. Do what you want.
3.) ............................. the Aristocrats.
1) And you really fancied all of 'New Kids On The Block' ?!
2) OK! I've got this great idea for a reality TV show featuring a nunnery, a petting zoo, an unregulated mayonnaise factory and GoatToucher! Waddya think?
3) Who is hanging from a lamp-post at the corner of the street in case a little Sans-Culottie comes by?
A, you're adorable, N, you're Nyarlathotep, S.W.E.R I can't be bothered with the rest.
1) Stop oppressing me!
2) Defend the constitution!
3) Britons never will be slaves!
1) Stand aside peasant! Don't you know who i am?
2) If National Treasure had a detail you could change, what would you have it be?
3) Britons will never be without tea!
Britons will never be without scones!
...what was that last line again?
And so...
1) That...that might get Shelyn and Zon-Kuthon back to friendly terms.
2) He's here.....inside your mind.
3) Sitting 10 hours in the train alongside a singing Pierce Brosnan.
1: I'm working on a spell that will transform people into patches of beautiful, sweet smelling flowers made of flesh. The flowers would, of course, retain sentience and be fully aware of their fate. Imagine fields of them: blooming in every color, beautiful aromas and whispered screams on the wind that blows over them. :shivvers: Ahh...
2: Has anybody seen my Ceti eel?
3: Where's the strangest place you've ever touched yourself?
Answers:
1: My genitals!?! Noooooo!
2: That I could do without.
3: Those were some bad clams. Hoofah!
1.) Good news is, most of you was okay after that Murder-Orgy you attended! The bad news...
2.) Do you think that the third probe is really necessary?
3.) You ran out of the restaurant holding two live lobsters, with which you defaced at least 3 statues. What do you have to say for yourself?
I have for you the perfect answers to your questions, next poster...
1.) Oh, now that is just embarrassing! That's not even the right hole!
2.) Technically, I haven't lied since I got here.
3.) You see, that's what happens when you don't listen.
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1) Galloping Goats, Batman, I'm stuck in a part of the batcave I don't recognise my suit's nowhere to be seen and there are bats biting me! What went wrong?
2) Tell us where she is Hatter! You said that 'Alice' was at your hat shop when we arrested you and she wasn't there! Not only that, but whenever we question you, you lie again! Now before you go back to your cell here in Arkham Asylum I just want to ask, why are you lying?
3) Alfred, help! I took the right turn that you said I should take, but I ended up falling down a hole that wasn't fenced off! What happened?
Next poster, here's your answers!
1) I only wanted the best for my family, I just couldn't go back empty handed! But the days turned into weeks, the months into years!
2) I came back to Agrabah one night, but I couldn't find my wife, or our son.
3) At that moment, I would have traded ANYTHING to get your mother back.
1) Who knew that pickles and potted beef had use-by dates?
2) Hold on - this is my wife and their son. What's going on?
3) What was it like breast-feeding that baby elk?
I'll send you answers from Amsterdam.
1) A woman for duty, a clog for pleasure and a ripe Gouda for ecstacy.
2) And the less said about Barely Beagle magazine, the better.
3) I think you'll find 'Corned Beef Hash' is missing a comma.
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1. What was GoatToucher's advice to the groom at the wedding?
2. Who would have suspected Snoopy of running a kiddie-porn ring???
3. Looks to me like we're running a story about the new local diner's menu - what makes you think it's a grisly murder story?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Thanks for coming, don't forget to tell your friends!
2. If you wanna cheat, cheat fair. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a crooked crook!
3. Ooooh! A tarantula! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk....
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1: Goodness, that was the best murder-orgy I've been to since my genitals were mangled at the last one!
2: I'm sorry that I was forced to steal the attendees of the Shriners' Convention that you kidnapped, but you know what they say: Go f*$& yourself!
3: I learned this folk dance at a certain... occasion... during the fascist rule of Italy. I do hope you enjoy. :dances "erotically":
Answers:
1: Farm raised, right here in god's country!
2: Well, it was bigger than I expected, but not more than I could handle.
3: That gives new meaning to the phrase "Gird your loins."
1. Well, how'd you get the immunity against the stench ability?
2. You've been screwed by an ogre, how are you alive?
3. Tommy has been walking around naked, in just an inflatable ring covering his bits..what gives?
The answers are:
1) Gorilla Grodd now rules North Korea.
2) Tim Burton's gritty version of Cinderella.
3) A printed CRB, signed by Sara Marie.
1.) Did Kim Jong Un just run past us crying?
2.) You want to back what on Kickstarter?
3.) Good job, the world is now doomed! Why did you sell them the launch codes?!
Feel the power of my overwhelming answers!
A.) Very well. If this is the only path forward left to me then I accept!
B.) Because I don't do requests.
C.) Somehow I completely forgot about that.
A) Sorry. Your application for ambassador to the UN has been turned down, but we're still looking for contestants in the Latvian Nude Mayonnaise Wrestling Championships. How about that?
B) I know you *can* fart 'The Girl From Ipanema', but why *won't* you?
C) Sir, you're down to psycho-analyse GoatToucher at 3:30, remember?
Oo wakka wow, they're the greatest answers.
A) Not only did I win, but I also did it in nothing but a g-string and stripper heels.
B) I believe it actually stands for 'Mixed Martial Arts'
C) Funny you should mention that - I *did* have an accident at work that wasn't my fault.
1: That b~*~$ Betsy not only stole my recipe for Apple Brown Betty, but she entered it into the county fair baking contest, and WON!
My course now is clear.
2: Come now: don't be shy. Just put on the lingerie I left for you and then we'll have some "fun".
3: MBT here will help you undress and will... prepare you for what's to come. Let's all be nice, shall we?
Answers
1: God bless this land, and all its people.
2: Brace yourself: you aren't going to like what comes next.
3: Three dozen cobs of delicious sweet corn!
1) Have you seen icelandic women?
2) I've had it today. They were all out of my usual drink, the coach was full, and it's been raining while i walked back home. What else is there before nightfall??
3) I am to eat a USA dish from the time of your founding fathers...huh...and what exactly do you expect me to eat?
1) Well, that's MoltenDragon on steroids & meth for you. Have a nice day.
2) Sentenced to sharing a cell with big Rukk the ice troll.
3) A clumsy woman with the charisma of a wet noodle
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1.) Hello! Can I speak to you about Cthulhu, our lord and savior?
2.) Why are you looking at me like that? All I said is that I think Chernobyl is a fun vacation spot!
3.) GoatToucher-brand Rump Ointment as the seasoning? Really?
First the answers... Then the questions.
A.) Ow! My pride!
B.) Eh. That actually sounds like a good idea.
C.) Ya shouldn'ta done that!
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1. Take Charisma damage!
2. We successfully draw down the world's nuclear arsenal through multilateral negotiation, why can't we do the same with all our conventional militaries?
3. By melding Harley Quinn and The Thing into a composite being, I have forged THE ULTIMATE BROOKLYN ACCENT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Shove gasoline pumps down both their throats, swipe their credit cards through the machine, and start pumping until they explode.
2. Airlift them all to the Deep Sahara where they can have the Battle of Armageddon they all want so much.
3. Remind him what Jean-Luc Picard said about a Starfleet officer's duty to the truth.
1. Will you tell to me the fabled Lost Last Line of 'The Hokey Cokey'?
2. What should we do when Tim LaHaye and Pat Robertson have had one cup of cocoa too many and start getting out the bowie knives and tomahawks?
3. He said to me, 'I'm not bald. I'm a solar-powered sex machine'. What do I do?
You make answerin' fun.
1. Wearing a top hat and a monocle does not make it right.
2. It's like being stuck in a studio with Stevie Nicks and Lyndsey Buckingham during the making of 'Rumours'
3. Sure, sure, but it still isn't jazz.
1: So what did you think of tonight's festivities? I call it "The Fanciest Violation"!
2: How about the sexual tension at that first presidential debate, huh?
3: Using a variety of implements and... techniques, I can cause a subject's screams to vary in tone and pitch precisely as I choose. I call it "The Song of Pain"!
Answers:
1: You know what: go to town. I've lost all sensation down there anyway.
2: That is as angry a raccoon as I have ever seen, that's for sure.
3: If those feelings were truly unnatural, fewer people would have them, don't you think?
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1) Hey, I know that snake poisoned your legs and all, but I really, really need to cash in this sword at town.
2) OH MY GOD IT'S THE TARRASQUE! Wait, is that fur?
3) 'I cast suggestion!'
'what do you say?'
'I suggest you kill yourself!'
'You'll need to give a VERY good excuse if you want the goblin to do THAT.'
'ummm...
Le answers:
1) *drowns in saliva*
2) And thats why you never date a shambling mound.
3) Drink, friend! Drink like there's no tomorrow! Because there WILL be no tomorrow!
1.) Whoooooooo wants a donut!?
2.) Look, all I asked is why there was that giant splinter on your tuckus. Is there a point to this story?
3.) Is there a reason you brought all this absinthe home?
The questions to your answers are right here!
A.) Why are you telling me this? You'd never tell anyone this!
B.) Oh, nevermind! It was just a duck.
C.) I thought he had to be nude.
A) Call 1-800-GOATTOUCHER and kick them nasty thoughts.
B) Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! They've actually given Trump turbo-jets, wings and missile launcher arms? Is that really what you saw?
C) So he put on the thigh-length waders, Japanese schoolgirl's outfit, busby, gasmask and florescent, rotating bow tie and then claimed he was going to pose for a reproduction of Michaelangelo's 'David' ?
Answer maker, answer maker, make me some answers.
A) Nearly right. He wasn't really a fiddler, and he fell off the roof.
B) 'Biddy biddy bum' is not an instruction!
C) What's that? Why, it's my klezmer 'Poison' tribute album. I call it 'Hair Schtetl'. Ha! Ha! Ha!
A: So, I hear your murdered Broadway's beloved Topol...
B: Psst... I hid your "biddies" for you.
C: What is that delightful clarinet music? It takes me back to the old country...
Answers
1: Well, that was more putty than I thought I could handle.
2: A lovely roast pheasant.
3: The President will never walk the same as he used to.
1.) The scenes of the mating dance of the gelatinous cube were nothing short of marvelous! What were you thinking when you filmed them?
2.) Sorry. Apparently roast peasant is illegal here. Is there something else you'd like for dinner?
3.) So... apparently Antigravity Boots Force 1 are now a thing. What a world, huh?
Tremble before the might of my answers!
A.) Just try to f@$@ing stop me!
B.) I was just out with my posse!
C.) Aye!
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A.) You weren't serious about trying to make another Sonic themed adventure path, were you?
B.) So... do you know anything about the crater where Absalom used to be?
C.) You can't hold a conversation by just giving yes and no answers. Understood?
I give you your answers: have at thee!
1.) It's a handbag, not a purse.
2.) Oh, that would explain the eldritch abomination.
3.) Well GoatToucher was bored, so I gave it to him.
1.) Good day, Good fellow. Might you tell me where Mulberry Street is?
2.) OW!!! Why did you kick me?
3.) I'll have you know that this hair was a birthday gift from Asmodeus! And you can bet he'll be hearing about this! What say you to that?
I am the answers!
A.) We are not amused!
B.) Let's build the Taj Mahal! Quick, before someone else gets the same idea!
C.) Our words are backed by nuclear weapons.
A.) I used to play baseball, but I found the game too slow. It just seemed to... dragon.
B.) Hey, what's a good pseudo-miniature-replica-theme for my new Las Vegas casino? Most of the good (and really bad) ideas seem to be taken.
C.) Whatever happened to 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?'
And now, to test the emergency pre-question answer system.
*Pushes small, flashing, red button.*
1.) Well, no, I wasn't talking about your dog.
2.) Cursed frolicking elves, with all their frolicking!
3.) Well, it's too bad our cleric decided to summon a Celestial Whale!
1.) What do you say? Yoo eats poop? How dare you talk about my doggie that way!
2.) I take it your undead army didn't make it through the Elven Woods?
3.) You know what would really turn this situation around? A Fiendish Badger!
Hello, Next Poster. How are you doing today?
A.) Oh, don't you worry. I'll hold onto it real tight.
B.) No, no, just give it a moment. This is gonna be great!
C.) I... wasn't ready for today.
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1) Here, take this bomb that will explode if grasped with too much force. Don't lose it!
2) Hey, I thought the bomb was supposed to explode!
3) Oh, finally. It's exploding and- wait, is that glitter?
Teh answers:
1) So as you can see here, you still need to roll [censored] circumference.
2) I'M TRIGGERED!
3) Now this is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down!
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1) So that's it? I'm a Supreme Court Judge now?
2) Are you Roy Rodgered?
3) Tell us again how the Inquisition suspended you from the ceiling by your genitals, won't you?
This is the dawning of the Age of Answerius!
1) The moon is in the seventh house, heh heh heh.
2) A psychedelic dungeon has popped up on my street!
3) Summertime will be a love-in... there