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Hi everyone!
So lately we've been seeing a lot of frustration on the holonet forums relating to our online customer support and we're hoping to correct that using this forum thread. So if you have a question regarding on of AbadarCorp's many, many products or services, feel free to pop in and ask away.
Now before we get to your questions, I'd like to take moment to mention a few issues that we're already well aware of:
Yes, there are some service affecting issues with the Aegis Class Family Fun Space Suit. In the event of an extreme temperature incident, the suit's limb servos may overheat and shut down. This malfunction can manifest as an involuntary arm or leg movement. We are working on a hotfix to address this issue but in the mean time, you can trouble shoot the servo problem by simply performing a hard reset on the suit's computer. Please do not WEAR the suit when performing this reset as it may lead to suffocation when the suit's life support goes off line.
We have indeed issued a factory recall on the WereDenial Anti-Lycanthrope Ammunition System. Apparently there was a problem at one of our manufacturing facilities and the bullets produced in the last three galactic months do not have a high enough silver content and they may not actually kill their lycanthrope targets. We apologize for any loss of life that has resulted from this issue.
Next we would like to once again state that any modification to an AbadarArms product will void it's warranty. We are aware of the viral video currently passing around the Holonet in which users adjust the damage out put of our small arms weapon systems by adding unapproved, third party modifications. This so called "Gnoming" "Gnomifying" or "Gnoming out" trend is both dangerous and possibly illegal.
In addition, the AbadarArms Micro19 Concealed Carry Revolver is not, repeat NOT, designed to fire explosive ammunition and continued use of such ammunition in the weapon may result in injury or death. Creating a "Gnomed out Micro" in the hope of shooting down low flying hover cars may result in legal action by AbadarCorp.
AbadarCorp would like to formally apologize for the unintended and completely unintentional incident that destroyed the Hellknight Starcruiser Vigilant. Our automated Shipping System experienced an unavoidable critical failure and an unmanned drone aircraft owned by AbadarCorp collided at high speed with a Hellknight Battlefleet that was operating illegally in AbadarCorp space. We wish to apologize and to make it clear that this incident has nothing to do with AbadarCorp's ongoing legal dispute with the Hellknights over ownership of the M32 star system. If you or a family member were injured or killed during this incident, the Abadar Executive board has established a fund for death and injury benefits. Please contact our customer service line directly and we will get back to you some time in the next six to eight galactic standard years.
Finally, we wish to apologize for last weeks unfortunate error that lead to an episode of Erotic Moonlight getting uploaded in the episode container for the Happytime Cartoon Cavalcade for Kids on the AbadarEntertainment Holonet Channel. We deeply apologize for any offensive content viewed by children and larval stage Shireen during this terrible incident. We also wish to acknowledge that Erotic Moonlight is an independently produced adult entertainment feature and it's portrayal of Elven women and female Lashuntas in no way reflects how our corporation views it's off world female customers. We have spoken to the producers of this program and we expect them to adhere to a higher standard in the future.
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AbadarCorp, the galaxy wants to know when you will stop manufacturing illegal androids to cast fraudulent votes that keep your dirty corporate tools in power! WE SEE THROUGH YOUR CONSPIRACY!
-- Concerned Absalom Station Citizen
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AbadarCorp, I recently...purchased...one of your laser pistols - the tri-barreled model, to be specific. The sales representative AI (and I know it was an official AbadarCorp sales AI because it had the trademarked banana-shaped topknot) pitched it as "a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter."
Now, let's think about this: If it emits a beam of pure anti-matter, then it is, by definition, NOT a laser, correct? So, which is it?
Furthermore, while it did a perfectly adequate job killing the first person I used it on, it proved to be completely ineffective on their synthetic pleasure-drone! It doesn't matter whether it's a laser OR an anti-matter pistol, EITHER should be devastatingly effective on a flesh-synth, not less so than a fall from 15 feet!!!
- Annoyed on Aucturn
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AbadarCorp has no comment on any political issues you may be referring to but we would like to clear up a few common misunderstandings that may be related to this matter.
First, AbadarCorp is a publicly traded religious corporation that was founded by former Monks of Abadar. Because of this, we maintain a friendly relationship with a number of intergalactic governments just like all major corporations do.
As for the supposition that we are "manufacturing" androids illegally, that is of course nonsense. AbadarCorp rebuilds critically damaged android hardware for the sake of our HeartsandHarddrives charity program. If some of those androids then vote for some political figures who are friendly to intergalactic business, we are proud to count them as supporters.
AbadarCorp, I recently...purchased...one of your laser pistols - the tri-barreled model, to be specific. The sales representative AI (and I know it was an official AbadarCorp sales AI because it had the trademarked banana-shaped topknot) pitched it as "a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter."
Now, let's think about this: If it emits a beam of pure anti-matter, then it is, by definition, NOT a laser, correct? So, which is it?
Ah, there might be some misunderstanding here. The Deadeye Tri-barrel Pistol fires a laser beam that guides an anti-matter stream to the target. Weaponized anitmatter is largely invisible when fired from a weapon system so we use a neodymium laser for the purpose of helping the user aim the stream mid trigger pull. You and the sales tech are actually both correct: it is both an antimatter weapon that has a fully functioning killing laser onboard, it's just that both weapons fire at the same time.
Furthermore, while it did a perfectly adequate job killing the first person I used it on, it proved to be completely ineffective on their synthetic pleasure-drone! It doesn't matter whether it's a laser OR an anti-matter pistol, EITHER should be devastatingly effective on a flesh-synth, not less so than a fall from 15 feet!!!
Okay, that is a serious hardware issue that should be covered under your factory warranty. The Deadeye, in some rare cases, fails to deploy the full antimatter stream when targeting synthetic beings. I assume there was a "clicking" sound when you targeted the synth? That's the onboard targeting computer trying to "see" the pleasure droid. Take it back to an AbadarArms technician for service free of charge.
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So laser pistol wielding clowns conspiricy lovers can a guy enjoy his life without politics
I'm sorry sir, this forum is for galactic common customers only.
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I have a complaint about one of your in person customer service representatives. I'm not quite sure of the species, but he was about 2.95 meters, covered in dark brown fur, and clearly a predator of some sort. He spoke only in growls, but fortunately had some sort of golden translator robot with him. I was telling him that I wanted a refund as per your no receipt 3/year policy. I don't think it mattered why I was returning the datapad, but it was VERY unprofessional of him to lose his temper and yank my arm out of its socket! I'm letting you know that his name was Chew-something, and that I will be seeking monetary compensation for my hospital bills, newly acquired phobia of in person customer service, and pain and suffering from AbadarCorp. Also, I will be taking legal action against the employee, and I'm formally requesting that you identify him to the Stewards when they visit you. Have a nice day.
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I have a complaint about one of your in person customer service representatives. I'm not quite sure of the species, but he was about 2.95 meters, covered in dark brown fur, and clearly a predator of some sort. He spoke only in growls, but fortunately had some sort of golden translator robot with him. I was telling him that I wanted a refund as per your no receipt 3/year policy. I don't think it mattered why I was returning the datapad, but it was VERY unprofessional of him to lose his temper and yank my arm out of its socket! I'm letting you know that his name was Chew-something, and that I will be seeking monetary compensation for my hospital bills, newly acquired phobia of in person customer service, and pain and suffering from AbadarCorp. Also, I will be taking legal action against the employee, and I'm formally requesting that you identify him to the Stewards when they visit you. Have a nice day.
I want to apologize for the actions of our sales representative, obviously this will be a matter for the Stewards and we will naturally comply with an investigation by the proper authorities. After some cursory examination of the situation, we have determined that the sales representative did act in a manner that is inconsistent with our company's customer service policies.
Naturally AbadarCorp prefers to match the culture of our sales reps to the customer service divisions that they serve, sadly sometimes we get short handed and there can be some unfortunate crossover between reps and customers. While I'm sure this behavior is acceptable on the Service Rep's home world, our Pact Worlds Customers obviously prefer a less violent customer service experience. We will investigate the matter further and our legal representatives will be in contact with you.
While you're waiting, however, please allow me to offer you a coupon for a AbadarCybernetics Talos Series Limb Replacement completely free of charge. The Talos line is one of AbadarCorp's enterprise series cybernetic enhancement systems with the patented EasyGlide Tendons (TM) that outperforms similar products offered by our competitors ten to one. This is because the Talos System is a two in one system that doesn't just replace the missing limb but all of the neural connections in your brain to the limb itself. The new Talos Series comes also preoutfitted with a number of attachments perfectly designed for the average spacefaring adventurer.
And the installation is minimally invasive with only a bare minimum of brain surgery.
So please contact one of our surgical reps today so we can outfit you with your free Enterprise Edition Talos Limb!
Thank you and have a nice day!
Sorry, but I'm a lifetime customer of Asmodeoco. From polymers to fresh produce to world-sundering magical weapons, Asmodeoco makes the things that make the cosmos go. Valued Asmodeoco team members work tirelessly to fill your needs, whether it be processing paperwork, drilling asteroids, or tormenting the souls of the damned for all eternity...
I recently used AbadarCorp Contract writing services to write non-compete contracts for the employees at my computer programing company. We recently developed a new software system and shortly thereafter one of my employees left. He hired an Asmodean Contracting Expert (ACE) who was able to poke more holes in the contract your staff wrote than can be found in a goblin starfighter. Thanks to his ACE, my biggest competitor now has one of the main programmers for my cutting edge software. Will AbadarCorp compensate me for the revenue I have lost due to their bad contract work?
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hey abracadabracorp could you dm the cords of your civ class ship engin team so i can shove this completely useless piece of that your company calls a hyper-photonic power capacitor up their do you even realise what this nearly did to my gnomed out stratocaster as i tried to make a polarity swing around a red giant my burners nearly blew out the back of the hull trying to maintain orbit this is basic level flight maneuvers here and your worthlesss power capacitor can't even put out enough juice to keep a standard gravity polarizor functioning do you even realise who i am and what me dying on some backwater solar system would do to my reputation i would be the laughing stock of absalom station if i don't get a full refund and the rep cost for my burners reimbursed my dads are gonna take your company to court they are high ranking lawyers for the alf so you better get ready for the legal battle of your lives you
- ( ◔ ౪◔)⊃━☆ﾟ.*・Trinity!
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Sorry, but I'm a lifetime customer of Asmodeoco. From polymers to fresh produce to world-sundering magical weapons, Asmodeoco makes the things that make the cosmos go. Valued Asmodeoco team members work tirelessly to fill your needs, whether it be processing paperwork, drilling asteroids, or tormenting the souls of the damned for all eternity...
Well to each their own, Asmodeoco is a fine company, though we should advise you to read your user agreements very carefully...
I recently used AbadarCorp Contract writing services to write non-compete contracts for the employees at my computer programing company. We recently developed a new software system and shortly thereafter one of my employees left. He hired an Asmodean Contracting Expert (ACE) who was able to poke more holes in the contract your staff wrote than can be found in a goblin starfighter. Thanks to his ACE, my biggest competitor now has one of the main programmers for my cutting edge software. Will AbadarCorp compensate me for the revenue I have lost due to their bad contract work?
Sure, let me apologize for this incident and assure you that all AbadarContract and AbadarLegal services are guaranteed for up to ten solar years from signing. I can assure you that you will be contacted by one of our legal representatives ASAP and that you'll either be compensated fully or, if you'd prefer, we can direct you to one of our AbadarCorp Private Security officers to have that employee and your competitor..."removed" from the situation.
AbadarCorp, I've been waiting for you to service my driverless washer droid for 25 Aballonian solar periods. Can you make sure I am still in the queue?
Let me apologize for the delay and assure you that you are in the queue and a replacement unit for your washer droid's detergent container has already been sent. We've been informed by Intersteller Express that a series of solar flares have delayed all shipments to Aballon at this time. Expect service to resume as soon as Solar conditions improve.
hey abracadabracorp could you dm the cords of your civ class ship engin team so i can shove this completely useless piece of that your company calls a hyper-photonic power capacitor up their do you even realise what this nearly did to my gnomed out stratocaster as i tried to make a polarity swing around a red giant my burners nearly blew out the back of the hull trying to maintain orbit this is basic level flight maneuvers here and your worthlesss power capacitor can't even put out enough juice to keep a standard gravity polarizor functioning do you even realise who i am and what me dying on some backwater solar system would do to my reputation i would be the laughing stock of absalom station if i don't get a full refund and the rep cost for my burners reimbursed my dads are gonna take your company to court they are high ranking lawyers for the alf so you better get ready for the legal battle of your lives you
- ( ◔ ౪◔)⊃━☆ﾟ.*・Trinity!
Okay...wow, I didn't know out sanitary language protocols could be applied THAT MANY TIMES in one post. Please, ma'am, I am simply a lowly Artificial Being tasked with serving the needs of customers, there is no need to get personal.
Our Civ Class ships are built and serviced by AbadarMotors and I can assure you that all of the power capacitors are strictly regulated. Now I can't comment on you specific situation but it sounds like you over compensated when rounding that star. While our Civ ships and parts are manufactured to the highest quality, they are still Civilian class and simply can't handle slingshot maneuvers that military and government grade ships and parts undergo with regularity.
Looking over your customer information, I see that the burners and the capacitors are under extended service warranty. If you'd like, I can at least offer you a chance to have the ship looked at by our certified technicians.
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I have a retail expansion opportunity I would like to recommend to AbadarCorp. As a ten year born-again disciple of Zon-Kuthon, it can be pretty troublesome to find the right instruments of torment to fulfill my monthly blood sacrifice quota. Far too often I find myself two or three hours out from midnight, unable to complete my tribute to the Prince of Pain because I discover at the last moment some "friend" of mine decided to borrow my special edition iron maiden with gradual ocular disintegration functionality - and my pure-hearted virgin hasn't even started to break out in horrified hallucinations yet. Can you believe how embarrassing that must feel, standing there, all ready to go, and just when the blood starts spilling I'm suddenly unable to perform while they just hang there, looking at me awkwardly with their gaping mouths? I swear, some nights I think I walk away with more scars than my lacerated victims.
So picture this: AbadarCorp's brand new hit retail chain - Bloodbath & Beyond! Carrying all sorts of specialized knickknacks as common as thumbscrews to exotic merchandise like brazen bulls or rat cages filled with starving rodents, AbadarCorp carries everything you need to ensure you can sleep soundly again, knowing your ritual sacrifice is doing anything but.
Eh? EH???
-- Eager on Eox
Dear Abadar Customer Service-
I would like to know when you will begin producing full length trousers for androids. Currently, the selection of pantswear available for maleform androids consists solely of briefs in purple and/or black. There are some maleforms that are very self-conscious about the appearance of the make and mold of our factory issued legs, and would appreciate the option to purchase a decent pair of full length pants in order to better blend in with the rest of the galaxy's populace without fear of persecution or judgment.
Thank you for your consideration.
- A concerned android
AbadarCorp Customer Service --
I recently tried to buy some stock so I could have a say in what goes into my iSpell app. I don't know what stock to buy. Can you help clear this up in your stock markets? Like which companies support the iSpell app?
-- a young urban Technomancer
Dear Abadarcorp,
Could you please increase your bulk purchasing options for blue 1 inch diameter bouncy balls to 1,000?
Having to buy them in groups of 200 is very frustrating.
If you could make them explode too, that would be much appreciated.
Dear AbadarCorp,
I've been a big fan of the association. Not really diabolical enough for my taste, but I respect the organization and hard work.
Yet I cannot in good conscience not speak up about this piloting service. Now, I use the app, and a driver comes to pick me up. We rate each other and its done there.
However there have been several glitches. I don't even know HOW I survived being stranded on a desert planet... Just real lucky I guess.
Also, the androids all have the same bad water. It's not supposed to taste like ANYTHING!
- MageHunter
I have a retail expansion opportunity I would like to recommend to AbadarCorp. As a ten year born-again disciple of Zon-Kuthon, it can be pretty troublesome to find the right instruments of torment to fulfill my monthly blood sacrifice quota. Far too often I find myself two or three hours out from midnight, unable to complete my tribute to the Prince of Pain because I discover at the last moment some "friend" of mine decided to borrow my special edition iron maiden with gradual ocular disintegration functionality - and my pure-hearted virgin hasn't even started to break out in horrified hallucinations yet. Can you believe how embarrassing that must feel, standing there, all ready to go, and just when the blood starts spilling I'm suddenly unable to perform while they just hang there, looking at me awkwardly with their gaping mouths? I swear, some nights I think I walk away with more scars than my lacerated victims.
So picture this: AbadarCorp's brand new hit retail chain - Bloodbath & Beyond! Carrying all sorts of specialized knickknacks as common as thumbscrews to exotic merchandise like brazen bulls or rat cages filled with starving rodents, AbadarCorp carries everything you need to ensure you can sleep soundly again, knowing your ritual sacrifice is doing anything but.
Eh? EH???
-- Eager on Eox
Umm....well...for obvious legal reasons we tend not to "endorse" torture, though we love and cherish our customers legal right to worship who they choose and how they choose to do so. That business plan may not be for...us. I hear Asmodeoco might be interested...
Dear Abadar Customer Service-
I would like to know when you will begin producing full length trousers for androids. Currently, the selection of pantswear available for maleform androids consists solely of briefs in purple and/or black. There are some maleforms that are very self-conscious about the appearance of the make and mold of our factory issued legs, and would appreciate the option to purchase a decent pair of full length pants in order to better blend in with the rest of the galaxy's populace without fear of persecution or judgment.
Thank you for your consideration.
- A concerned android
Sadly most of our AbadarFashion android wear is designed merely for protecting the modesty and hip servos of our artificial customers. We've found that most androids either wear baseline human fashions or simply replace their legs to reflect their preferred aesthetics so designing extensive Android fashion options simply aren't very cost effective.
AbadarCorp Customer Service --
I recently tried to buy some stock so I could have a say in what goes into my iSpell app. I don't know what stock to buy. Can you help clear this up in your stock markets? Like which companies support the iSpell app?
-- a young urban Technomancer
All iSpell, iScroll, iWizard, and iGrimoire product lines and services are all managed by AbadarMagic, a division of AbadarTech. peripheral devices for these products and are managed through AbadarLife and AbadarHome Divisions and their subsidiaries. However while you can purchase stock in the publicly traded divisions, none of the divisions I listed have their own Public offerings. All stock purchases for our main divisions are only made through our holding company AbadarCorp General Services, which is currently trading at 9 Credits per share on the InterDaq market.
However if you'd like to become more involved with our spell offerings, we have an online Support Coven for all magic users that allow it's members to pitch spells. Membership in this coven is paid on a spell by spell basis and it only accepts formally trained technomancers and church sanctioned mystics. Bone Sages and Liches are happily accepted on a case by case basis but Solarions, mutants, and psychics are not currently welcomed by the coven at this time.
I can let our onsite magical support director Bagul the Vile, Ice Devil of Asmodeus tell you more.
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AbadarCorp Customer Service --
I recently tried to buy some stock so I could have a say in what goes into my iSpell app. I don't know what stock to buy. Can you help clear this up in your stock markets? Like which companies support the iSpell app?
-- a young urban Technomancer
Dear Abadarcorp,
Could you please increase your bulk purchasing options for blue 1 inch diameter bouncy balls to 1,000?
Having to buy them in groups of 200 is very frustrating.If you could make them explode too, that would be much appreciated.
Regretfully all our bouncy balls are limited to a maximum of 200 for the purposes of sales tracking. However while we have no plans to offer an exploding bouncy ball at this time, AbadarArms or AbadarIndustrial happily take small scale fabrication orders for custom munitions or explosives. I'll have a sales rep contact you and they should be able to help you fabricate what you need. Delivery time for most custom orders is 30-48 hours from the date of purchase.
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Dear AbadarCorp,
I've been a big fan of the association. Not really diabolical enough for my taste, but I respect the organization and hard work.
Yet I cannot in good conscience not speak up about this piloting service. Now, I use the app, and a driver comes to pick me up. We rate each other and its done there.
However there have been several glitches. I don't even know HOW I survived being stranded on a desert planet... Just real lucky I guess.
Also, the androids all have the same bad water. It's not supposed to taste like ANYTHING!
- MageHunter
I believe you're talking about AbadarLift, our ride sharing pilot program. First off, let me apologize for your experience and offer you this coupon for free passage on the AbadarAmusements Supernova Cruise lines. This coupon, check your inbox now, entitles you to one two week cruise to a location of your choice (current bookings include Akiton, Verces, Castrovel, and the Shireen Pleasure Domes). The coupon also entitles you to an upgrade to either second or first class cabins at a reduced cost.
Next, let me say that we are aware of the issues users are having with AbadarLift and assure you that the app is only in it's early beta stages and that improvements are being made every day, so informing us of the problems actually helps us improve the service.
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Adbarcorp is a lie......
Adbarcorp is a lie.....
Adbarcorp is a lie.....
- a nay sayer down the street
Well that's just rude!
I have an important update for customers that prepurchased a homestead on AbadarCorp's planned colonial settlement Abadar City. Apparently there was a problem during the planet's terraforming process and the Xenowardens have declared the planet, quote, "an abomination". The Stewards are instituting a full quarantine of the proposed colony site.
Obviously none of this will halt the construction of AbadarSpace's upcoming casino and hotel space station: Horizon Dawn.
Given your situation, I'm pretty sure you guys provide Cult services for mostly-forgotten deities. Where do I sign up?
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As an AI who purchased a back-up memory drive pre-Gap, in order to preserve the memory of destroying my progenitor AI DM_aka_Dudemeister, I have recently attempted to access this treasured memory and discovered that it is entirely blank! The user warranty clearly states:
"AbadarGuard MemoryVault Technology backs up your data on the Akashic Record for your peace of mind. As such your AbadarGuard MemoryVault can never be erased. Even if you want it to be!"
Now I am short a treasured memory and 35 Credits for this 11.5 inch floppy memory drive, that doesn't even adhere to its own warranty. I demand a full refund, and a full simulation download to approximate my lost memory!
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Given your situation, I'm pretty sure you guys provide Cult services for mostly-forgotten deities. Where do I sign up?
Well Mr. Nethys we offer special extended services for individuals of your...*ahem* status. Please inquire with your local sales rep about our "Mythic Level" service package.
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As an AI who purchased a back-up memory drive pre-Gap, in order to preserve the memory of destroying my progenitor AI DM_aka_Dudemeister, I have recently attempted to access this treasured memory and discovered that it is entirely blank! The user warranty clearly states:
"AbadarGuard MemoryVault Technology backs up your data on the Akashic Record for your peace of mind. As such your AbadarGuard MemoryVault can never be erased. Even if you want it to be!"
Now I am short a treasured memory and 35 Credits for this 11.5 inch floppy memory drive, that doesn't even adhere to its own warranty. I demand a full refund, and a full simulation download to approximate my lost memory!
I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation.
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Dear AbadarCorps,
I bought this new perpetual energy device. In pretty happy so far, but saw the guarantee was for five years.
If it's perpetual energy, shouldn't that be forever? Otherwise in very satisfied with the products. Keep up the good work!
- Faustia
I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation.As an AI who purchased a back-up memory drive pre-Gap, in order to preserve the memory of destroying my progenitor AI DM_aka_Dudemeister, I have recently attempted to access this treasured memory and discovered that it is entirely blank! The user warranty clearly states:
"AbadarGuard MemoryVault Technology backs up your data on the Akashic Record for your peace of mind. As such your AbadarGuard MemoryVault can never be erased. Even if you want it to be!"
Now I am short a treasured memory and 35 Credits for this 11.5 inch floppy memory drive, that doesn't even adhere to its own warranty. I demand a full refund, and a full simulation download to approximate my lost memory!
As a preface, I'm definitely not just after your info.
While this was clearly the act of at least one deity (Sorry if it was me), we still need to determine if it was unforseeable. If Golarion went out of existence in certain fashions, Rasy would have noticed a mass death coming up. Can you verify that no such pattern was observed, and thus this was unforseen?
Edit: Crap, I overflowed! On a natural one, no less!
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Dear AbadarCorps,
I bought this new perpetual energy device. In pretty happy so far, but saw the guarantee was for five years.
If it's perpetual energy, shouldn't that be forever? Otherwise in very satisfied with the products. Keep up the good work!
- Faustia
Its a question of semantics actually!
The Quantum Series Energy Generation devices are indeed expected to power all of your devices forever, literally. This is because the batteries contain a tiny portable singularity, they are guaranteed to generate energy as long as gravity and heat remain constant throughout the universe. Unfortunately, while the battery itself is expected to last for at least two millennia or more, the external plasti-steel housing, titanium connectors, easy glide handle, and digital display all need regular service and come with a five year factory warranty.
However since none of those things are needed to keep the battery functioning, you really can just let them rust and rot off the battery as the centuries pass. Still, they come with a five year guarantee either way.
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Dear AbadarCorps,
I bought this new perpetual energy device. In pretty happy so far, but saw the guarantee was for five years.
If it's perpetual energy, shouldn't that be forever? Otherwise in very satisfied with the products. Keep up the good work!
- Faustia
Its a question of semantics actually!
The Quantum Series Energy Generation devices are indeed expected to power all of your devices forever, literally. This is because the batteries contain a tiny portable singularity, they are guaranteed to generate energy as long as gravity and heat remain constant throughout the universe. Unfortunately, while the battery itself is expected to last for at least two millennia or more, the external plasti-steel housing, titanium connectors, easy glide handle, and digital display all need regular service and come with a five year factory warranty.
However since none of those things are needed to keep the battery functioning, you really can just let them rust and rot off the battery as the centuries pass. Still, they come with a five year guarantee either way.
Plus the naked singularity sitting on your coffee table at that point makes a great conversation starter for parties!
Plus the naked singularity sitting on your coffee table at that point makes a great conversation starter for parties!Dear AbadarCorps,
I bought this new perpetual energy device. In pretty happy so far, but saw the guarantee was for five years.
If it's perpetual energy, shouldn't that be forever? Otherwise in very satisfied with the products. Keep up the good work!
- Faustia
Its a question of semantics actually!
The Quantum Series Energy Generation devices are indeed expected to power all of your devices forever, literally. This is because the batteries contain a tiny portable singularity, they are guaranteed to generate energy as long as gravity and heat remain constant throughout the universe. Unfortunately, while the battery itself is expected to last for at least two millennia or more, the external plasti-steel housing, titanium connectors, easy glide handle, and digital display all need regular service and come with a five year factory warranty.
However since none of those things are needed to keep the battery functioning, you really can just let them rust and rot off the battery as the centuries pass. Still, they come with a five year guarantee either way.
And a great way to get rid of unwanted guests!
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Plus the naked singularity sitting on your coffee table at that point makes a great conversation starter for parties!
We consider that a feature not a bug.
And a great way to get rid of unwanted guests!
Well, not naked! The battery's containment unit ought to hold up just fine....can't really say the same for the radiation shielding, so we don't advise you keep it near anything that might be susceptible to radiation poisoning.
I was recently denied service by one of your representatives- the man refused to provide me with either the information for the product I was after, nor was I provided with any alternative. Your energy batteries are top notch, and I was seeking for advice with how to use their energy to create home-made wormholes and/or black holes. Do you have a way I could speak to a higher-up or more-adept representative?
As a dragon, I would hate to think that your representative had turned me down due to preexisting images about my species.
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I was recently denied service by one of your representatives- the man refused to provide me with either the information for the product I was after, nor was I provided with any alternative. Your energy batteries are top notch, and I was seeking for advice with how to use their energy to create home-made wormholes and/or black holes. Do you have a way I could speak to a higher-up or more-adept representative?
As a dragon, I would hate to think that your representative had turned me down due to preexisting images about my species.
I'm sorry if this was an unpleasant experience for you, obviously we will look into this matter and if we do find malfeasance on the part of our employee, they will be disciplined.
While I hesitant to speculate as to the nature of this difficulty, I can only assume that our sales rep might've been thrown, not by your race (we cater to Draconics of all colors and orientations) but perhaps by the fact that you're trying to manufacture singularities and wormholes using our energy generations systems, which truly is way outside of their intended guidelines. Yes, our perpetual energy systems deliver a constant flow of power for a lifetime, they're much more oriented for powering long term prefab housing or a extended medical stasis pod.
While I'm sure that if you bulk purchased one of our cold fusion power systems or even a singularity battery, they would be more than capable of eventually generating the punch you need, the time period for generation would be over centuries and the effect on any planer shifting device would be negligible. You sound like a Draconic in need of immediate results.
Our junior sales reps are not allowed to up-sale enterprise level physics devices but also must always work to complete a sale so it's possible that you put that particular employee in a bit of a bind because the device you actually need is not a series of micro singularity batteries but an actual black hole converter.
Might I instead recommend a AbadarSolar Type II Dyson Series Black Hole Generator. This luxury scale is a vast improvement over our original Kardashev line that allows for both Wormhole and Blackhole generation within hours instead of centuries. All you need is access to a main sequence star of an appropriate size, then install our handy dandy SolTech Dyson Sphere around the surface of the star and watch as the Type II converts the energy of the star into mass until a singularity is formed and the system goes nova, conveniently destroying any of the system's pesky planets while maintaining the singularity for your personal use.
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Mister robot?
I'm sorry, I'm not here to buy anything. It's just there's nobody else to talk to, and you always listen when people talk to you, right? I'm really scared. Mommy and Daddy are fighting again. Daddy's saying we have to sell our home and move to my grandma's. She's very mean, and always flicks my paw when I try to smell her flowers. Mommy doesn't want to sell the shack - she says she'd rather go fight Swarm than lose our home. I don't want her to go away and fight the Swarm. What if she dies and I never see her again? I don't want to think about it. She keeps going out and talking with scary men with big guns, and Daddy just sleeps all day on the couch and drinks from yucky bottles until he starts glaring at me. Why did he have to lose his job at Abardapple Core? I don't know if I spelled it right. They closed everything down, and now we don't have any more money. I'm really hungry, Mr. Robot. If you were in charge of Abardapple Core, you wouldn't put everybody out of work, would you? Why would somebody do that? Nobody cares about us here on Akiton. Nobody except you, Mr. Robot.
Thanks for listening. You're a really sweet robot. I hope you don't die of bullet wounds like Uncle Polluck. Goodnight, Mister Robot.
Sweet dreams!
Sunflower of the Ysoki (almost seven years old!)
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AbadarCorp, this is the Galactic Council Enforcement Agency! We hereby demand that you stop selling white T-shirts! They deflect laser weapons of all colors and are making it impossible for our brave servicebeings to kill anybody!
Even the primitive Noi-Vey people of planet Shelynyna have gotten wise to this trick! How are we supposed to pave the way for the mining operations there that YO-KRZZZT! liberate those poor people from their tyrannical superbeing regime?!?
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Mister robot?
I'm sorry, I'm not here to buy anything. It's just there's nobody else to talk to, and you always listen when people talk to you, right? I'm really scared. Mommy and Daddy are fighting again. Daddy's saying we have to sell our home and move to my grandma's. She's very mean, and always flicks my paw when I try to smell her flowers. Mommy doesn't want to sell the shack - she says she'd rather go fight Swarm than lose our home. I don't want her to go away and fight the Swarm. What if she dies and I never see her again? I don't want to think about it. She keeps going out and talking with scary men with big guns, and Daddy just sleeps all day on the couch and drinks from yucky bottles until he starts glaring at me. Why did he have to lose his job at Abardapple Core? I don't know if I spelled it right. They closed everything down, and now we don't have any more money. I'm really hungry, Mr. Robot. If you were in charge of Abardapple Core, you wouldn't put everybody out of work, would you? Why would somebody do that? Nobody cares about us here on Akiton. Nobody except you, Mr. Robot.
Thanks for listening. You're a really sweet robot. I hope you don't die of bullet wounds like Uncle Polluck. Goodnight, Mister Robot.
Sweet dreams!
Sunflower of the Ysoki (almost seven years old!)
Ah well I'm just a customer service representative. I uh...good bye...
AbadarCorp, this is the Galactic Council Enforcement Agency! We hereby demand that you stop selling white T-shirts! They deflect laser weapons of all colors and are making it impossible for our brave servicebeings to kill anybody!
Even the primitive Noi-Vey people of planet Shelynyna have gotten wise to this trick! How are we supposed to pave the way for the mining operations there that YO-KRZZZT! liberate those poor people from their tyrannical superbeing regime?!?
At this point I should remind everyone that the GCEA is NOT a government agency. They're a mining corporation that chose an authoritative sounding name so they can kick people off their land without a fight. I cannot stress that enough. Also...sir, if I have to remind you again about Outside Customer Service AIs spaming on my Customer Service forum, I shall dictate a strongly worded DM to your supervising control unit.
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I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation.As an AI who purchased a back-up memory drive pre-Gap, in order to preserve the memory of destroying my progenitor AI DM_aka_Dudemeister, I have recently attempted to access this treasured memory and discovered that it is entirely blank! The user warranty clearly states:
"AbadarGuard MemoryVault Technology backs up your data on the Akashic Record for your peace of mind. As such your AbadarGuard MemoryVault can never be erased. Even if you want it to be!"
Now I am short a treasured memory and 35 Credits for this 11.5 inch floppy memory drive, that doesn't even adhere to its own warranty. I demand a full refund, and a full simulation download to approximate my lost memory!
You will rue this day!
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Dear servicebot,
I have recently purchased your Abadarcorp TastyBev Beverage matter manufactory, and have encountered an issue. I am a fan of iced cappuccino beverages, and when I set the TastyBev Manufactory to iced-cappuchinno it always blends the ice to a slushy consistency.
This is clearly not an iced cap!
IT'S A FRAPPE!
Sincerely,
Admiral Ackbar