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The Jerky Story.
Context: An Evil campaign, run because the most goody-goody player in our group wanted to DM but had ... "issues" ... RPing anyone not Good or Neutral; the rest of us really wanted to play an Evil game, so we convinced him letting the PCs be Evil would allow him to play primarily Good antagonists and Neutral villagers and such while we would take care of all the dastardliness.
Given that he was the only one of the group (at the time) who had not yet DMed, I think he underestimated us.
The party consisted of four characters: my character, a Tharizdun-worshiping nihilist of a Sorcerer headed for Force Missile Mage; a magic-distrustful Barbarian; a thickly-Russian accented Soulknife/Assassin; and a Binder nobleman who was the leader of the group. The basic story was that we were sent from a powerful mageocracy in the neighboring mirror-plane to scout out the reality next door for conquest. The Binder was in charge as he was a scion of one of the noble houses; I was an acolyte of one of their cults (had the feat that gave me a Cleric domain, can't remember what it was called, Arcane Devotee maybe?); the assassin was a hired thug; and the barbarian was brought in as a representative from the tribes that shared the mageocracy's domain, mainly as a peace offering and keeping up alliances (they'd need the barbarians for their eventual conquest attack, I think).
The first couple of levels were full of silly shenanigans, but we didn't get too much opportunity to be dastardly in the first town due to the presence of a powerful witch/wise woman who kept watch on the area (figures there'd be an uber Wizard in the first town). En route to the second, though, we had obtained enough information to be assured that wouldn't occur again, and thus were willing to broaden our horizons of the terrible things we planned to do. Which in turn led to this conversation:
Soulknife: "I have plan for when we reach village."
Binder: "Oh Jesus."
Soulknife: "Is good plan! What we need to do is combine our skills."
Barbarian: "Okay...?"
Soulknife: "For example, I am good at killing people. You (Binder) are good at talking to people. You (Barbarian) are good at making jerky."
Barbarian: "Bring me the meat, I don't care where it comes from."
Soulknife: "We'll make a killing! We'll sell the villagers back to the villagers!"
Sorcerer: "I hate to say it but I like this plan."
GM-OOC: *facepalm* "I'm going to enjoy your deaths."Sad to say the campaign ended before this little plot could be put into play.
In a solo game I played an anti-paladin sort who was given order by his superiors to infiltrate and disrupt services at a prominent church to an opposing god.
He walked in during 'mass' dressed like one of their paladins, walked up to the high priest, slammed him down on the altar and sacrificed him with a knife consecrated to his own god. Then he covered the sanctuary in darkness, and walked out, after urinating on the priest's corpse.
The GM sat quiet for a moment then said "...You did what?"
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Long time ago, we had a campaign with an evil cult, that had kidnapped a baby destined to bring hope and mercy to the world, so that their evil god could possess it after a big evil ritual, corrupt the child's destiny and have an Avatar on earth. After much stealth and bloodshed we infiltrated their lair, made our way to the grand ritual room and prepared for the final confrontation to save the child.
Undetected we began to sneak up to attack the cultists and it gets around to the Ranger's turn
"what do you do?"
"I shoot the baby." Rolls dice
whole table just goes silent
"What? We might not win the fight, this way no matter what happens there is no dark god avatar right?"
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"What? We might not win the fight, this way no matter what happens there is no dark god avatar right?"
Knowing a lot of GMs that would actually have been part of the plot all along and suddenly you have undead evil god manifesting right there right now....
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In a 4E game, the party had just taken down a hobgoblin dragonrider in a prolonged fight, after they'd accidentally revealed that they had the artifact he was hunting. After combat, they began interrogating the hobgoblin, but I think they were a bit worn out mentally from the battle. Their idea of interrogation was simply inflicting one form of pain or the other on the hobgoblin and then asking him questions. And in this game, hobgoblins have a very "evil military sergeant" complex--a complex that includes happily sacrificing themselves if it means screwing the enemy over.
So the torture escalates, but the methodology stays exactly the same, and nobody is rolling well enough to beat the DC of the dragonrider because he's an elite NPC and they are hitting none of his buttons. Eventually, the party's hamadryad bard decides to take pity on the poor hobgoblin, and decides it's time to mercy-kill him so that the rest of the party stops inflicting the standard "PC inquisition tactics" on him.
Me: "Okay. So how are you killing him?"
Dryad: "I touch him and use my Heal skill to inflict so much pain that he dies of system shock."
Me: "...Wait, this is a mercy kill?"
Dryad: "Yes."
Me: "You're going to end his pain... by inflicting as much pain as possible?"
Dryad: "Yes."
It's been a couple of years, and I don't think he ever figured out the awkward silence that followed on the chat. Pretty light compared to most of the stuff on this thread, I know. But a very weird example of "do the ends justify the means?"
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See, after reading this thread, now I don't know whether I should be relieved or upset that the worst my group and I pull off is random wanton cruelty to outclassed NPCs.I seem to remember us murdering an entire town in Jade Regent...
You guys killed almost everyone in Iaquat because one of you decided the hearthmistress was being rude.
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Killing npcs en masse because one of them was rude is a D&D tradition.
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In one of my 3.5 games, the barbarian/dragon disciple fails his saving throw against a Bodak's gaze and dies (the party sent him in saying 'You only fail on a 1! Go solo it so none of us die!', which is already kinda cruel.)
They make their Knowledge (Religion) or whatever check to learn that he'll return as a Bodak in 24 hours...and that Bodaks are vulnerable to sunlight.
So they haul the body above ground and tie it on the eastern-facing side of a tree and wait for the sun to come up.
Bodaks have 58 HP and take 1 point of damage each round from sunlight, so they sat there for nearly six minutes watching their former ally get burned to ash.
IIRC then they shelled out for a resurrection.
Did you rule he remembered everything while a bodak?
Did you rule he remembered everything while a bodak?
I didn't rule one way or the other, but the relevant player called the rest of them 'a&&@+%*s', so I'm going with yes.
Hey, at least he will always have a reason to never go first again.
In one of my 3.5 games, the barbarian/dragon disciple fails his saving throw against a Bodak's gaze and dies (the party sent him in saying 'You only fail on a 1! Go solo it so none of us die!', which is already kinda cruel.)
They make their Knowledge (Religion) or whatever check to learn that he'll return as a Bodak in 24 hours...and that Bodaks are vulnerable to sunlight.
So they haul the body above ground and tie it on the eastern-facing side of a tree and wait for the sun to come up.
Bodaks have 58 HP and take 1 point of damage each round from sunlight, so they sat there for nearly six minutes watching their former ally get burned to ash.
IIRC then they shelled out for a resurrection.
Sounds like something my players would do.
One thing that they *did* do was when the party barbarian was killed by a black dragon's breath weapon, they didn't want to go back into town to get him resurrected, so they raised him as a zombie and finished the dungeon. After the dungeon was cleared, they walked him back into town, killed his zombified corpse, and had him raised. I gave it a pass due to the barbarian's player being absent from the second of two sessions in which this took place, but still...
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Once, during a VERY important meeting to discuss how protect the town from goblins that kept killing people, the players nicknamed the mayor Bob Ford (this will be funny to some of you, especially those who live in Toronto), before spending 5 minutes telling him to stop taking drugs, and then getting bored and going the restaurant next door. Which they then stayed in during the next goblin raid, still eating. Except for the monk who hid behind Bob Ford. When the goblins attacked the restaurant they fought them off, but didn't attack any who weren't near the restaurant, watched them run away, gathered the corpses of the goblins, and told the chef in the restaurant they wanted him to cook the goblins so they could eat them, and if he didn't they would kill and eat him.
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Hmm. Just remembered another one.
PC got reincarnated into a troglodyte. Player decided then and there to try and focus as much as he could on his stench aura. After witnessing how good it actually was vs living npcs... The party started reincarnating themselves until they turned into troglodytes, and uh... Well, they roflstomped the capital, and became the new rulers of the kingdom.
I... Still dunno how that worked. Maybe I should stop letting people convince me to come up with custom feats for them, lol. It was pretty hilarious though.
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Not show up for a game without telling me they were going for pizza instead.
Hmm. Just remembered another one.
PC got reincarnated into a troglodyte. Player decided then and there to try and focus as much as he could on his stench aura. After witnessing how good it actually was vs living npcs... The party started reincarnating themselves until they turned into troglodytes, and uh... Well, they roflstomped the capital, and became the new rulers of the kingdom.
I... Still dunno how that worked. Maybe I should stop letting people convince me to come up with custom feats for them, lol. It was pretty hilarious though.
Smells like victory...
Pitted the party against troglodyte cowboys once. Pretty crazy stuff. Raising the stench dc is always a good move.
Maybe try a ghast paralysis-stench team next time?
slight res, as to cannibalism. As put so succinctly by Zathura. Dude, you're meat. I have no real morality keeping me from eating another person. I wouldn't kill them to eat them. But once they're dead, they're fair game. And no, I haven't ate anybody.
Anywho, as to cruelest things players have done, I played an herbalist Jedi Pirate Captain in d20. He used a combination of herbs that in large doses result in sterility as a seasoning. My fellow players were informed of this after they liked it, and stole my blend. This same Jedi in retaliation for stupid stuff, used verbal commands to turn the internal (non lethal) defenses on the crew.
In another campaign to muffle the sound of blaster bolts we shoved our barrels into the mouths of imperial scientists working in a compound we were infiltrating, and pulled the trigger. It was supposed to be stun bolts but the GM ruled that the way we did it was lethal.
Oh, and there was the time one of my players convinced the Senile Hitman PC that he was his gay slave /lover
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My party encountered some celestials and managed to subdue their leader - an angel. They held it down while my cleric tortured and sacrificed it as a gift to his deity Graz'zt. The Dark Prince was well pleased and granted him a wish. Another time the same party came across a drow settlement in the underdark. When the frightened villagers came out of their houses to see what we wanted, we hurled all manner of AoE spells at them until all had perished or fled.
Usually this sort of stuff doesn't happen, and if it does, usually I have enough table presence to just say "No, you don't do that." or "Nah, we don't do that".
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Two exceptions, one in a Roll20 game in which I didn't really know anyone in the group, another playing at the university's games club for the first time.
Both are mild in comparison to the stuff posted in this thread.
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Roll20: My sea witch gets knocked out from detecting too much evil magic. One of the party's noble warriors decides to grope her while she's out, and I guess the other didn't want to PvP by opposing him.
The witch's familiar explained what happened later on. I don't remember if that noble warrior suddenly took a slumber nap and got castrated, or simply got hog-tied and donated to the sea.
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University Games Club: This was on a recruiting night for them, all sorts of new games to just hop into. So I join a game with 3 members of the club (including the DM) and 3 newcomers (including myself).
One of the club members decides to not take the adventure hook, he just stays at the bar. Whilst we are off protecting the town, he kills the innkeeper and rapes his wife.
I would have asked him to leave if it were my game, but instead I simply decided to never come back.
One example of many (sadly).
Homebrew game, myself and a necromancy specialist decide for whatever reason that Heavy Armor-and-Tower-Shield BBGG has gotta go .. and go bad. Rubbed our rhubarb the wrong way or some such.
The GM had previously rather foolishly awarded a set of gloves of infinite alchemists' fire as loot from something or another.
BBGG accosts us, overconfident in being able to school us 1-on-2. One high octane ray of enfeeblement later, the BBGG is pinned prone and comparatively helpless by the weight of his own armor. I put his tower shield atop his chest.
And burned him to death, one flask at a time. It was grisly work, as he had far more hp than was good for his sanity. The GM told us he went into the afterlife stark raving mad.
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Kind of on the side of good, but still on the cruel side.
Party captured a lich's last phylactory and killed the lich (held onto the phylactory). Said party struck a deal with some angels and handed the phylactory over to them in the plane of positive energy while he revived... now in the plane of positive energy, for the rest of eternity.
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Probably somewhat tame compared to most of the stuff in this thread, but it really threw me one when it happened...
I was running the Dragon Queen AP in 5E, and it was the first night of the campaign. The party has just arrived at the town (ported from Forgotten Realms to a homebrew setting I've been working on) and found it under attack. After taking care of the initial round of raiders and meeting with the town's governor, they've been recruited to assist in various missions to help defend the town and find out what's going on. The party splits up, with some of them moving to secure a hidden passage to the castle, and some going to capture prisoners to interrogate from among the attackers.
Now, while the party rogue went for more outright intimidation and rudeness when talking with one of the other prisoners--including a throat-punch when they tried to spit on him--the paladin decided to go for a more subtly insidious approach. She enters the room and begins acting like she's in a huff about something before declaring to the very-confused raider that he's in a waiting room between the material plane and the afterlife; if he willingly shares his crimes, he may be given a second shot at life, or at least given a good afterlife. High charisma helps her make a Bluff check, and the raider--who turns out to be a random mercenary who just hired on to make some money--begins detailing all his past sins that he can think, hoping to get into this setting's Heavens, or else back to life. I roleplay it out as him being thoroughly confused but just wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible; also to be noted is that the crossbow bolt is still sticking out of his rump.
Finally, the paladin thanks him for his time. I'm expecting her to knock him out or something, and wait for her to say she punches him or some such. Instead, she just leaves the room... And so throughout the rest of the adventure, there's a random mercenary sitting in a cell in the castle lockup who has no idea if he's alive or dead.
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Last session the self styled 'King Arthur' type in the party rescued a bunch of abandoned orphans from a daycare. The rest of the party thought taking care of them would be a waste of resources, so they sold 'King Arthur' to a group of demon worshipers. 'King Arthur' manages to kill one of the cultists before being subdued, so of course the rest of the party dumps all the orphans in that guy's corpse, then runs them over with their cart. Then they wait for the cultists to possess 'King Arthur' with a demon, and together they proceed with the child corpses to a nearby worg camp to sell their newfound 'crunchies.'
Egads, man! Please tell me that was an Evil campaign, because if that is anybody's idea of Lawful Good - please, please run away quickly before they eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti Merlot.
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I once recognized a GM's NPC name as his Paizo messageboard alias and preemptively murdered the character with no in character reason simply because I knew it was important to him.
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...nah, just kidding, but I did think about it, when I made the connection. He doesn't know I found his alias here. He doesn't post often, and I'm not in his group anymore, but it was pretty easy to figure out once I found out he was a PFS venture captain.
Usually this sort of stuff doesn't happen, and if it does, usually I have enough table presence to just say "No, you don't do that." or "Nah, we don't do that".
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Two exceptions, one in a Roll20 game in which I didn't really know anyone in the group, another playing at the university's games club for the first time.Both are mild in comparison to the stuff posted in this thread.
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Roll20: My sea witch gets knocked out from detecting too much evil magic. One of the party's noble warriors decides to grope her while she's out, and I guess the other didn't want to PvP by opposing him.The witch's familiar explained what happened later on. I don't remember if that noble warrior suddenly took a slumber nap and got castrated, or simply got hog-tied and donated to the sea.
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University Games Club: This was on a recruiting night for them, all sorts of new games to just hop into. So I join a game with 3 members of the club (including the DM) and 3 newcomers (including myself).One of the club members decides to not take the adventure hook, he just stays at the bar. Whilst we are off protecting the town, he kills the innkeeper and rapes his wife.
I would have asked him to leave if it were my game, but instead I simply decided to never come back.
Wow.
Groping a sea witch while they are unconscious. That is definitely a moment where as a dm I would ask "are you sure?". Then I would ask it again with my tone indicating how bad it could go, and "is that your final answer?".
As for the second situation, while leaving is a good call it is also a great time for the dm to have the people or authorities make that "adventurer" pay for his misdeeds. A public hanging may be the finale, if he is lucky and the people relatively calm.
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Pretty dark?
See if you can get a clinical psychologist to sit in for a session or two. Somebody in this group is probably dangerous.
Psychologists would probably find many games and gamers quite odd and befitting of all manner of diagnoses. Gamers of all stripes have been declared "dangerous" by health professionals before. Not sure psychs belong in games of people trying to chill out and have fun in imaginary worlds, after all the world is controlling enough without paratrooper pscyhs invading tables to find people "dangerous" and throw a spanner in the works of existing games.
Course I play to escape the nanny state for an evening (the nanny state is a big deal over here in recent years), but that's just me. ; )
The party was searching for a tower in the wild. We were being led by this gnome mage who betrayed us. He disappeared and we were momentarily attacked by his huge golem bodyguard. The little-weasel of a gnome showed up seconds later spraying us with spells and doing his very best to make our day miserable.
After several rounds of combat we managed to destroy his golem and capture the gnome. The rogue expertly ties him to a tree while the party wizard begins questioning him. He is told that he can go free if he tells us all he knows. He complies and begins to spill the beans on everything.
After the wizard and cleric are content that the gnome has shared all he knows, they begin to discuss the best way to release him. Meanwhile, the fighter (who was evil - had contracted lycanthrope without the party knowing) picks up his crossbow, points it at the gnome who is still helplessly tied to the tree, and fires a bolt point-blank into his forehead. He said it was in the interest of saving time.
Same fighter as mentioned above. Turns out the barbarian also had contracted lycanthrope.
So the group is in the Underdark in 3.5. The fighter and barbarian werewolves were hiding their disease and plotting to overthrow the group. They manage to convince the neutral ranger to aid them in killing the rest of the party and taking all their loot/gold.
The party engages a big group of demons and finds themselves surrounded. The barbarian gets mind controlled and begins to hack the squishies to death. The fighter also gets mc'd and begins to duke it out with the barbarian. After two rounds the barbarian hits the fighter with his vorpal great axe and severs the fighters head.
The ranger sees the wizard getting hit by demons and finishes him off with a burst or arrows. The barbarian switches to the party cleric and drops him with a full attack.
The ranger runs and loots the cleric, wizard, and fighter, plus two bags of holding...
The barbarian goes down fighting several demons, while the ranger jumps off the cliff and levitates (he was a drow) and escapes into the darkness. The party rogue manages to hide and get away to the surface somehow.
The ranger got away with well over 1 million GP worth of loot, and retired in the Caribbean.
The cleric's player was oblivious that we were plotting and was PISSED that we turned on them, wiping the group, and disrupting almost 2 years worth of progress on the adventure...
One time while I was playing Shadowrun, one of the players was an elf cyborg samurai. We were going to sneak into a warehouse and investigate potential illegal activities. Problem was that there was a party or something going on right next to the warehouse. We all go to break into the warehouse not caring about the partying people. As we go up, some drunk guys ask about what we are doing and that we should join them in their revelry.
Without skipping a beat, the elf cyborg samurai cut them all to pieces and kept on walking to the warehouse. Needless to say my character was displeased, but kept on going to get the job done. The police were pissed though. What really got me though afterwards he said (in character though) "Killing them was the best option we had at the time."
Crazy man.
Right now I'm DMing a party with a deranged, paranoid gunslinger. He always shoots first when someone approaches him without permission.
The cruelest thing he ever did? He decides to purchase a sack full of shredded glass one day. Didn't think much of it until the party captured an escaped convict. They wanted him alive to get the bonus bounty. So the gunslinger didn't bother cuffing or restraining the criminal. Instead he beat him unconscious and rubbed the shards of glass into his eyes to make him permanently blind.
His excuse: "He won't try to run away." He says this after beating him unconscious. I think he just wanted to do it for flavor but it ended up going too far.
While playing in an evil campaign, I played a female bugbear barbarian. As she was CE I decided that whenever someone in the fighting pit annoyed me (we were enslaved gladiators at the time) I would kill them, find out who there friends were, and then force feed their dead friend to them. Sufficed to say allot of puny humans were forced to eat their even weaker friends in that horrible place. Also often ripped the arm or leg off of someone and beat them and their friends to death with it, all the wile stating "waste not want not."
A certain CN rogue of mine was also fond of putting ground up glass in folks food, it was a great way to get rid of rivals and those that tried to double cross him. Worth noting, I did warn folk every time, cause for crippes sakes my name was Lemister "Lemy" the Weasel. If you trust someone with the moniker of "the Weasel" you get what you deserve, which is ground up glass.
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The Story: Our group of gamers have been playing together for a while and my wife stereotypically plays Barbarians, fighters and sometimes Barbarian/Fighters! In this instance we were in book two of Runelords and our GM decided to include the module Dawn of the Scarlet Sun into it because it takes place in Magnimar and I was playing a cleric of Saranrae. I am going to spoil the rest because it has to do with the last encounter in that module
At the end you come to an evil alter in the basement and there are two prisoners, one of them is a real prisoner waiting to be sacrificed, the other is an assassin in disguise self. In this instance it was a little girl and an old man who claimed to be a Cleric of Saranrae. My Cleric rolled a sense motive, had a +14 to the modifier and rolled a natural 1. I believed that he was a Cleric of Saranrae. He asked for a weapon and my cleric promptly gave him a spare magical dagger. 18 seconds later I got death attacked by an assassin, again luck not on my side, rolled a natural 1 fort save and died promptly.
Combat starts, my wife goes first and has the little girl adjacent to her and the old man now revealed to be a succubus assassin about 15 feet away. The party urges her to full attack the little girl because she is probably an assassin too. The GM even has the little girl plead she isn't an demon but no one had sense motive so my wife promptly Rages, full attack + power attacks this little girl immediately killing the 1HD young commoner.
It was a pretty rough combat.
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Pretty sure our party murdered a baker's dozen of goblins who were non combative and genuinely afraid of us. Then we asked for loots and xp's and were told we got none because we slaughtered helpless goblins who did not fight back. and were miffed I believed. Karma caught up to us though. In the next area we got the crap kicked out of us by a cleric bard of Lamashtu.
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Cruelest thing my players ever did was tell me they were too busy to play anymore and that I should "grow the hell up".
Another good one from my table. One of the party is a halfling sorcerer, who is rather disillusioned, but also one of the smartest of the bunch. In Shackled city, they are exploring a cave city, and he can see there is something in the water he just levitated over, back to the entrance where they have a guard they already beat but did not kill. The guard is tied up but barely conscious. The rest of the gang stands across the water, some distance away. He decides to solve the situation expediently. He gets the guard to his feet, pushes him into view of the others, shouts "NOOOO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT!!!", rushes toward the surprised guard, and pushes him off the shelf, down the painful slope of jagged stone, into the water, where he is promptly eaten by the thing in the water.
When the rest of the party reach him, they ask what happened. "It was horrible, the poor man... I couldn't stop him from jumping!!!" He then proceeded to roll a Bluff check and got 34. Everyone accepted it.
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Cruelest thing I've done recently as a player was to use my ability to heat metal weapons with my hands to torture a bound shape-shifter to figure out how it got into our party. At the time I was under the effect of a bull's strength spell and slowly crushing it's head as I heated the metal spiked gauntlets I was wearing. Then I use my oracle spells to heal it so I could repeat the process.
Really freaked the GM out since I was (and am) the CG and fun loving character in the party. I'm still working on repenting for that little temper tantrum.
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Since I'm currently playing Way of the Wicked, I've had a few.
My personal favourite, although probably the least evil, was to spend half a module raising a daemon. We knew when it appeared we would get 3 wishes, and the first two had to be gaining a plague it had created and our own immunity to said plague, but the third was up to us. I had, months ago, when we started the rituals, decided what I was going to wish for - I demanded the creature, which had been imprisoned for untold years, turn itself into a pure platinum statue.
Needless to say it was less than happy, and in it's death throes it brought down the tower we were in. But we'd long since prepared for being stuck at the top. After getting the Fighter to hurl the platinum statue off the balcony and ordering our minions to evacate, we simply used Featherfall to escape, pack up the badly mangled platinum, and later spent a night melting him down into coinage. We suspected the metal might be cursed by the disease, but since we were immune, we didn't especially care.
And that was how I funded my research into becoming a Lich.
My players are working on discovering said daemon's true name, and using it in conjunction with one of its eyes to soul jar it.
Another good one from my table. One of the party is a halfling sorcerer, who is rather disillusioned, but also one of the smartest of the bunch. In Shackled city, they are exploring a cave city, and he can see there is something in the water he just levitated over, back to the entrance where they have a guard they already beat but did not kill. The guard is tied up but barely conscious. The rest of the gang stands across the water, some distance away. He decides to solve the situation expediently. He gets the guard to his feet, pushes him into view of the others, shouts "NOOOO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT!!!", rushes toward the surprised guard, and pushes him off the shelf, down the painful slope of jagged stone, into the water, where he is promptly eaten by the thing in the water.
When the rest of the party reach him, they ask what happened. "It was horrible, the poor man... I couldn't stop him from jumping!!!" He then proceeded to roll a Bluff check and got 34. Everyone accepted it.
Normally I don't find evil stuff very amusing, but for whatever reason I thought this was hilarious.