Oh, and one more:
#2.5. "5 / 2 = ???"
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
This is the first "X things" thread I ever saw that reached X.
There was a thread on the old WotC boards for 3E of 1001 things an Epic level character can do (thread long since lost in purges, unfortunately - it was hilarious) that got to 1001 a few times... because every time it got to 1000, some Epic level spellcaster would cast a spell to reset the thread count. Happened at least twice.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
106. They are able to carry tons of gold, silver and copper - as long as it's some sort of currency (coins, imprinted bars etc.)
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
108. ...but if the weather turns bad, they immediately draw their weapons!
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
109. They expect to be able to throw heaps of those useless gold pieces together, spend some time doing who only knows what, and end up with a useful magical item. Worse, they expect to be able to do it while camping in the wilderness, in a tent, in a blizzard, with only a mild reduction in speed.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
110. There is a mystical sub-plane known as the fourth wall and they routinely break it.
Actually,its just a demiplane and the Barbarian keeps spellsundering it.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
111. They walk into every unfamiliar room staring up at the ceiling.
112. They stab inanimate objects a lot.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
113. They set a numerical goal for something, let's say 102, hit that goal... and then keep right on going. Because adventurers know that dead horses won't beat themselves... unless they are undead kython-mutated equines with grafted coeurl/kamadan tentacles.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
113a. And then, they get angry at goblins for beating dead horses.
114. They automatically assume that any mage they come across will allow them to copy spells.
115. They break into places, murder everyone present, steal everything not wonderglued down in the Elemental Plane of Fire, and then argue they're the good guys.
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
116. The names they give for themselves sound like they just named themselves after the first thing they happened to see in the morning, that is when they aren't just going by the name of their profession ("Cleric", "Alchemist", "Fighter") or some random insult someone threw at them ("Barbarian", "Thief", "Witch").
116b. Then they tell you that YOUR name sounds "dumb" and "made-up", sometimes going so far as to insult your entire culture's naming conventions.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
117. "I talk smack to Iomedae and then put her on hold while I order a pizza."
116c. And sometimes even making insulting puns based around your name.
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
118. They expect you to know the time to the hour, if not with even more precision. Its like they expect everyone to have a water clock.
119. They walk around with enough weapons on their belts that it should probably qualify as armor.
120. They assume that every drought or famine is something called "A plot point."
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
121. Walks into town through the main gate in black robes and a black face mask thinking no one will think it looks odd.
|
|
| 7 people marked this as a favorite. |
122. Local towns person "I say, what's that strange weapon at your side? I've never seen anything like it before!"
Eastern themed character in a western themed game "Oh you silly person, it's a katana, the sharpest blade ever made. It will cut through your longswords like they were made of some stupid thing, like poo. Now tell me, where's the local blacksmith? I need them to make me a better version of this weapon that you and most likely they as well have never seen or understand while I mock them for carrying longswords."
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
123: Spend three hours a day arguing whether one of the party members is really as Lawful/Good/Neutral/Evil/Chaotic as she said she was back when they first met up three years ago.
123a: Not counting the two hours they spend arguing what exactly "True Neutral" is supposed to be.
124: Repeatedly demand to know why the Paladin's patron god didn't thrown him out on the street when he refused to smite that litter of Orc babies. And if that wasn't horrible enough, what about the time when he donated only half of his savings to the city's orphanages?
| 12 people marked this as a favorite. |
125. Carry around a whole bunch of weapons of different materials so they can hit various oddball creatures. Even the Int 3 fighter has an encyclopedic knowledge of what is needed to hit what, despite his needing help to do his toilet visits.
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
125. Carry around a whole bunch of weapons of different materials so they can hit various oddball creatures. Even the Int 3 fighter has an encyclopedic knowledge of what is needed to hit what, despite his needing help to do his toilet visits.
I have to wonder if there is a -4 Intelligence player race to make this possible.
126. They insist that their blind, lame spellcaster is an oracle in spite of having no divination abilities.
Ah. Not everyone uses point buy.Å
| 7 people marked this as a favorite. |
This thread had me dying with laughter on the bus. So many strange looks today...
| 5 people marked this as a favorite. |
111. They walk into every unfamiliar room staring up at the ceiling.
112. They stab inanimate objects a lot.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
113. Remove a vertebrae of their enemy just because it has a ring of regeneration 1 enchantment applied to it.
| 7 people marked this as a favorite. |
116d No matter how Eevill(Tm) or sanity-destroying Other the BBEG might be, the adventurers all have a snark bonus equal to 20 + class level to twist its name into the most reductive and mocking of nicknames. Seriously, if you want your infant child to grow up without being mercilessly teased in the schoolhouse and hounded lifelong by a self-esteem-crushing sobriquet, run your prospective names past a retired adventurer(s) first.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
128. They assume that anything slightly interesting in a room is either a trap or relevant to their quest.
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
128. They assume that anything slightly interesting in a room is either a trap or relevant to their quest.
129. They often forget the existence of gigantic, flashing, and incredibly obvious things right in front of their faces due to the omniscient presence they regularly commune with not emphasizing it enough.
As a side note, that pisses me off to no end as a player when the DM starts smirking and goes "oh well since you didn't investigate the glowing crystalline tree that positively shines with powerful magic in that dungeon you just left, I guess you'll never know what that whole encounter was really about," and then we go "wait, you mean the thing you muttered under your breath about after you read off a huge list of what was in the dragon's horde and then never mentioned again until now?"
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
130. They blame every single missed shot or failed dodge on luck. Every. Single. One. "No, it's not my fault I fumbled and stabbed the princess we were supposed to save, it's my damn bad luck again!"
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
23a) "What the hell do you mean your lord won't see us? Tell him to get his ass up. Adventurers are here. Don't you know who we are?"
"You are a filthy vagrants with no honor or claim to nobility and you will take your crass mannerisms elsewhere or face the wrath of the royal guards."
"Make that a filthy vagrant with no honor or claim to nobility who murdered like 50 people yesterday on the road just to get here. Tell your king to get his fancy ass down here to talk or we will be rolling initiative!"
I love this more than I can say.
131. Eschew all forms of friendly/familiar touch, unless it's to cast a healing spell.
132. Never pray to deities unless they have divine class levels, as obviously those prayers would be unanswered and pointless.
132b. Even with divine class levels, never pray to their deity except for an effect their spells can create.
| 6 people marked this as a favorite. |
133. Speak a new language, just because they killed a bunch of goblins.
| 41 people marked this as a favorite. |
134. "Dude! Wake up! We're being invaded!"
"What?"
"A bunch of armed lunatics broke down the door! They killed Odie!"
"Oh my god."
"Damn it! I liked Odie!"
"What are we going to do? They'll be here in seconds!"
"Oh god oh god oh god we're going to die."
"Guys! Guys! Calm down! We can take them. Just watch that door."
*Everyone watches the door*
"Juuuust keep watching it."
*Five minutes go by*
"They, uh...they sure are taking their time."
"Maybe they went home?"
"Not a chance. They're on their way."
*An hour passes*
"They still aren't here!"
"Those bastards. They're toying with us!"
"Oh my god. It's like a game to them, isn't it? They're on the other side of that door. Just waiting for us to crack."
"Be strong, guys! Just hold on!"
*Seven more hours pass*
"Huh. Maybe they really aren't—"
From the other side of the door: "Right, definitely no traps!"
*Door smashes in*
| 11 people marked this as a favorite. |
135. They rarely, if ever, actually take the time to eat. They merely absorb food in their backpack via osmosis when their bodies need nourishment.
|
|
| 5 people marked this as a favorite. |
136. Convinced that silver and copper coins aren't "worth tracking" and refuse to negotiate in increments smaller than 1gp. Whether they round up or round down for any given purchase is impossible to predict-- they might order a 3sp drink at the inn and tip the barmaid a gold piece, then immediately walk right out of a shop without paying the 71sp8cp they owe because it's "not worth the hassle" of digging out their coin pouch.
| 15 people marked this as a favorite. |
136. They will stop a conversation to commune telepathically. If asked about it, they claim to be "Out of character."
137. They fight in silent, perfect unity with carefully calculated moves at all times.
138. They will forget your name, what you asked them to do, each others names, but will NEVER forget you promised them a reward.
139. Listen, and understand. That adventurer is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or humility, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. Or until it gets bored.
| 14 people marked this as a favorite. |
137. They lug around long sticks, like extra long broom handles, for unknown reasons, despite the trouble it must mean to lug them through cramped corridors. The classic answer to why is "it's for checking for traps". However, nobody has actually seen them use it for that. So, sociologists speculate that it's some sort of membership/identification token for adventurers. More radical theories suggest it is a special sort of stick creature that feeds on the contents of their backpacks, and blinds its victims from seeing they are being influenced, much like a zombie fungus or other parasite. This could also explain much of the deviant behaviour these groups show. Another theory casts the 10' poles as a sort of phallic/sexual/fetish object.
| 9 people marked this as a favorite. |
138. "Halt! Suspicious-looking woman in this dark monster-infested dungeon! What manner of creature are you?"
"I got lost down here. Can I join you guys?"
If PC (as mentioned prior): "Well, you seem trustworthy. Here, have all our dead friend's weapons and watch our backs."
If NPC: "Well, if you're so not-evil, you won't mind if we tie you up and leave you in this room for safekeeping. We'll take you with us when we leave the dungeon...assuming you haven't made us kill you by then."
If GM recently completed an "enemy among us" storyline by collaborating with a player: "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT"
| 10 people marked this as a favorite. |
134. "Dude! Wake up! We're being invaded!"
"What?"
"A bunch of armed lunatics broke down the door! They killed Odie!"
"Oh my god."
"Damn it! I liked Odie!"
"What are we going to do? They'll be here in seconds!"
"Oh god oh god oh god we're going to die."
"Guys! Guys! Calm down! We can take them. Just watch that door."
*Everyone watches the door*
"Juuuust keep watching it."
*Five minutes go by*
"They, uh...they sure are taking their time."
"Maybe they went home?"
"Not a chance. They're on their way."
*An hour passes*
"They still aren't here!"
"Those bastards. They're toying with us!"
"Oh my god. It's like a game to them, isn't it? They're on the other side of that door. Just waiting for us to crack."
"Be strong, guys! Just hold on!"
*Seven more hours pass*
"Huh. Maybe they really aren't—"
From the other side of the door: "Right, definitely no traps!"
*Door smashes in*
I thought it was going to end with
*Seven more hours pass*
"Huh. Maybe they really aren't—"
From the other side of the door: "Ding! Spells replenished!"
*Door smashes in*
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
136. Convinced that silver and copper coins aren't "worth tracking" and refuse to negotiate in increments smaller than 1gp. Whether they round up or round down for any given purchase is impossible to predict-- they might order a 3sp drink at the inn and tip the barmaid a gold piece, then immediately walk right out of a shop without paying the 71sp8cp they owe because it's "not worth the hassle" of digging out their coin pouch.
One of my GMs has actually asked me to stop counting copper pieces in my inventory because she's tired of me tracking them and nobody else in the group does.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
138b. It is, however, quite possible that they will agree to beat up someone's wizard/undead/thief/dragon/etc problem and not even be promised a reward for it.
| 13 people marked this as a favorite. |
139. They have the power to rewind time.
Fighter - "Eat me, King. I'm tired of your bullcrap."
Wizard - "Nooo, are you kidding me! There's like seventeen guards here, and I detected magic earlier, and they're lighting up like a Christmas tree!"
Rogue - "What's Christmas?"
Wizard - "Nevermind that, just don't!"
TIME REWINDS SOMEHOW
Fighter - "Look, I uh, would rather not, your majesty."
OR
Wizard - Throws a maximized fireball right in the middle of a crowd of enemies.
Fighter - "You jerk! That hits me! I'm already down to seventeen hit points! You're going to kill me"
TIME REWINDS SOMEHOW
Wizard - Casts chain lightning instead.
OR
Rogue - "I decide to...(insert foolish choice here)"
THE HEAVENS OPEN UP, AND THE GODS THEMSELVES CRY
"Are you sure?"
TIME REWINDS SOMEHOW...
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
134. "Dude! Wake up! We're being invaded!"
"What?"
"A bunch of armed lunatics broke down the door! They killed Odie!"
"Oh my god."
"Damn it! I liked Odie!"
"What are we going to do? They'll be here in seconds!"
"Oh god oh god oh god we're going to die."
"Guys! Guys! Calm down! We can take them. Just watch that door."
*Everyone watches the door*
"Juuuust keep watching it."
*Five minutes go by*
"They, uh...they sure are taking their time."
"Maybe they went home?"
"Not a chance. They're on their way."
*An hour passes*
"They still aren't here!"
"Those bastards. They're toying with us!"
"Oh my god. It's like a game to them, isn't it? They're on the other side of that door. Just waiting for us to crack."
"Be strong, guys! Just hold on!"
*Seven more hours pass*
"Huh. Maybe they really aren't—"
From the other side of the door: "Right, definitely no traps!"
*Door smashes in*I thought it was going to end with
*Seven more hours pass*
"Huh. Maybe they really aren't—"
From the other side of the door: "Ding! Spells replenished!"
*Door smashes in*
I couldn't decide between the "one-minute adventuring day" joke and the "constant Take 20s" joke. :P
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
140. For some reason, every now and then one of them will freeze like a statue in combat for a few minutes, then return to normal with a satisfied sigh, patting their stomach and smelling slightly of hand soap.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
142. They plan various stratagems for distracting the party paladin while they torture their captive for important quest information in the next room.
76: Refer to themselves as "Peacies", despite the fact that war, mayhem, and large-scale slaughter follow them around like their own shadows.
This one had me guffawing aloud, that, and that backpack osmosis one.
112. They stab inanimate objects a lot.
112c. An corpses too. Cause, you just never know.
(Your first two links are riotous. Third was old hat.)
|
|
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
143. When introduced to new people, they will frequently decide whether or not to trust this new person based on their own ability to guess when people are lying based on nonverbal cues, in spite of how much harder that is to do with someone you've just met and regardless of whether they have reason to believe the person is untrustworthy or their statements are false.
