RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, Contributor
,
Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
aka ChesterCopperpot
|
Psychopomp's Crosier
Aura moderate varies; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The head of this white ash staff spirals into a stylized shepherd's crook, a large onyx gemstone nestled at its center. A powerful menace to unquiet spirits, the staff allows its bearer to cast the following spells:
Ghostbane dirge (1 Charge; Advanced Player's Guide)
Spiritual weapon (2 Charges)
Mass ghostbane dirge (3 Charges; Advanced Player's Guide)
Speak with haunt (3 Charges; Advanced Class Guide)
In addition, the bearer may always act in the surprise round triggered by the manifestation of a haunt as if she had succeeded on her notice check. Should she act before the haunt in the round it manifests, she may attempt to neutralize the haunt by expending one charge from the staff and succeeding on a caster level check equal to 10 + the haunt's CR.
Incorporeal undead lose the ability to enter or pass through solid objects when under effect of ghostbane dirge (or mass ghostbane dirge) cast by the bearer, whether from the staff or from her daily allotment of spells. This does not affect the ability of incorporeal undeads' attacks to ignore natural armor, armor, and shields.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Ectoplasmic Spell (Advanced Player's Guide), ghostbane dirge, mass ghostbane dirge, speak with haunt, spiritual weapon; Cost 13,500 gp
Wording issues. A fitting and thematic set of spells. I idly wonder if you did your homework and knew that I wrote a 3pp race of psychopomp planetouched, but I doubt it. Either way, I like psychopomps, but it also means I'll be looking at this with even more scrutiny. Of course, to be a Superstar staff, you need to tie it together with some additional powers...and they're a good match! Nothing is more annoying than the suddenly dirged-out incorporeal running back into the wall and waiting out the duration, and the staff's upgrade seems almost tailor-made to combo with the spell, and the haunt ability makes sense and isn't an auto-win when it comes against its niche like many items this year.
So that's the good. And if I stopped there, it would be a full Keep from me...But the problem is mechanical skill is extremely poor. First of all, the staff's caster level was left at the default, but it has to be 9th, since it has a 5th-level spell. Even if I accept that the caster level is 8th, the staff would cost its current price (well, about 300 gp less) without the extra powers, so the pricing is seriously messed up too. The rules text is also choppy in places, and while the use of "notice check" is technically not incorrect vis-a-vis the wording of the haunt rules, the staff had enough words to say "check to notice the haunt" instead, which is going to be easier for most players and GMs to decipher.
For a while I wasn't sure how these two halves would cancel out to make a whole, but having read everything, I can confidently say that I'm going to Weak Keep this despite my reservations.
Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
Psychopomps, eh? You have my attention, as well as your use of "crosier" instead of "staff." Pharasma's faithful will want this crosier for sure.
Usability
Ah, a selection of spells that I always *want* to have, but agonize over selecting for my characters. This would be a wonderful addition to any undead-heavy game, or a game with Occult Adventures themes.
Presentation
Some missing spell name italics, and its abilities regarding haunts feel appropriate without saying "please DIAF haunts." The listing of the sources of the spells is unnecessary, but doesn't detract from the entry.
Final Thoughts
Strong themed item, and doesn't sprawl out in possible abilities. I do recommend this item for advancement.
Kept.
|
Modules Overlord
|
My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.
This staff is very thematic, and it does a great job of picking spells a cleric or oracle may need, but rarely prepares or takes as spells known. The way it augments those with additional powers to become more than a nicely selected SiaC is exactly what I hoped to see when I included magic staffs on the list of potential submission types.
The pricing is off, the caster level if off... but I think adding Ectoplasmic Spell as one of the prerequisites is a very nice touch. Yes, I'd need to talk to the writing about an issue or two, but I'd *want* to do that so I could get more items like this. Strong keep.
Congrats! This was one of my early favorites, so I'm glad to see it in the Top 32.
I love the name. There aren't a lot of similes for staff, but you picked a really appropriate one. And pyschopomp is a perfect monster to pair it with in terms of names.
I love the interaction with haunts, which are a fun rules subset.
At first, I thought this seemed a little too SIAC as a staff, and it took a couple reads to really get the gist of it, but afterwards this became one of my favorites and got a lot of upvotes when I saw it. If anything, I think I'd like to see a little more done with the non-spell parts of this staff. But I loved the way it brought something to the table, and used the haunt mechanics.
Congratulations!
I like this one a lot. The description is simple but very flavorful, evoking Pharasma quite well without needing to say the name, and I can very easily see this as a staff given to members of the Pharasman clergy who have been tasked with finding and destroying haunts. Of the two anti-haunt items up this year, I like this one better.
The ability to speak with haunt is maybe my favorite thing about it-- instead of being a straight-up "destroy this in a combat mechanic", it allows for the chance to resolve the haunt by putting its spirit to rest, potentially, which has always, to me, been the neatest idea about haunts... that they represent a combat that can also be solved with roleplay. This is a great mechanic that enables that, without making a caster give up a much-less-circumstantial spell in order to accomplish it.
The only 'problem' with this item is how very niche it is. I have trouble imagining any of my divine characters shelling out 27K for a staff that lets me fight, essentially, one particular, uncommon creature/problem. Spiritual weapon buffs the usefulness a bit, but not enough to cover that price tag, unless I was in a specifically undead themed campaign where I thought it might come up.
Still, that is my only criticism. I love the item itself, quite a lot.
I dislike the listing of where to find the spells. But otherwise really like this item. The staff abilities are useful and make sense without being crazy, or really powerful.
Ahh...this staff. I liked it a lot. I really did. But it did not make my personal Keep list. Let's dig in.
The name is great, crosier is an awesome word. I wasn't sure about Psychopomp because that's so strongly tied to Golarion...My historical knowledge isn't deep enough to know if that's OGL or not.
First glance price seems low, but I haven't read all the spells yet.
Great descriptive first sentence.
"Unquiet" is a fun word.
The spells seem on target with theme, although spiritual weapon is a little odd, but I think that works with the Psychopomp part.
I take issue with the word "always" in respect to magic item powers. While this isn't uber powerful...what if the haunt is a hundred feet away or more? Can the wielder still act?
Attempt to neutralize the haunt...but the wielder still has to know if it has an unusual requirement. I get that unusual isn't the main case...I still would have liked to see something to account for that.
I don't know or not if incorporeals don't already lose that ability with ghostbane dirge. The spell itself says they become semi-physical. I'm on the fence about this power...
The pricing and caster level are off.
Overall, it is a cool item but the writing is a little confusing and I think the name is overall better than the item itself. Looking forward to your R2 but I think you'll need to hit hard for it!
Congratulations on making the top 32.
For many of the reasons already mentioned I really liked this item, even though I only ever saw it once or twice.
I like the name (a lot), but careful with ancient-esque or special words that are not commonly known. However, I like them, so don't leave them out on my account.
My primary problem would probably be that while the extra powers are fun, they don't really interact very much with the spells, except for thematically, which I really prefer to avoid an potential multiple spells in cans issues and I do wish that had been some.
Oh, and what is spiritual weapon doing here? I know it (kind of) fits the theme, but then again by that logic every spirit-themed, incorporeal oriented spell could fit. I personally think it might have been a better piece without it... I do not really see the purpose of having it there.
Still, congratulations again.
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
Very cool imagery. I can vividly imagine a character I'd built around this staff. A gentle shepherd of souls. That alone moved this item to my keep list. And it's not a bad item all around. The haunt ability is an extreme niche and I do wish you had spent your space on something more useful, but as far as abilities go, it's not bad. And luckily the spell selection and the second ability pull this back from the brink.
It's also not that badly priced and I'd definitely like to have this one in the right campaign. Glad that it advanced and the best of luck!
Congratulations on making the top 32, like a few others, I am a big fan of Psychopomps so I had certain expectations when I saw the item name....expectations which were met by what followed...I loved this item, loved the spell selection and how you developed the unique abilities of the staff from those.
In the right kind of adventure / campaign, this would be a great item...the imagery is great and, with the right kind of character, I could see this item getting a lot of fun use.
Also, bonus points for making a staff that was genuinely exciting...
Good luck for the next round.
You can add me to the list of people that really like this one. I think you hit the perfect balance for a superstar staff -- it is primarily a collection of spells like a staff should be, but also has thematic extra powers that are important. You pulled off "hard mode" better than anyone else, in my opinion. Everything about this item ties together with the theme very nicely.
Congratulations!
Congratulations, Matthew! This was one of my personal top 32, mostly due to the tightness of the theme and the clean execution of the alternate power. Arguably my favorite staff in the voting. Well done!
Congratulations, Matthew!
Another of my personal Top 32, despite the fact that I don't like haunt mechanics (generally speaking, players want to avoid them, because bad stuff happens, but if they do, they miss out on roleplay opportunities/ important clues to what is actually going on). And it has a great name. Well done!
Good luck in the next round!
I really liked this item too; I find haunts very threatening, even with divine casters and channelers, around and if I were playing a divine character I'd be very tempted by this item. And both "Psychopomp" and "Crosier" are really flavorful and evocative words too, which make for a great title (even if I'd have to explain it to most of my fellow players.)
Congratulations on making the Top 32! Well done!
This is a tightly themed ghost busting staff. I think the only issue here was a lack of a cool visual image in the use of this item. It is a solid staff, but that's it.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
,
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
|
Congrats on making the top 32.
I liked this one during voting and chose it when it came up. Combining dealing with haunts and incorporeal creatures is a natural fit, and makes this a more useful item than many niche items that rarely find a use, as it covers two niches, and between them, you can expect to find use for this several times in your career. The inclusion of spiritual weapon gives it some life in other situations, so that was a good choice to include.
One thing I wasn't crazy about was the simple caster level check to overcome haunts, since it neuters the coolness of haunts having their own subset of rules on how to handle them. Letting the staff use a charge to deal 2 or 3d6 positive energy per charge used to haunts only would be more appropriate.
However, I really liked that the staff not only enhanced the effects of ghostbane dirge when used from the staff, but also when the bearer used their own spell slots to cast the spell. Excellent way to play with what a staff can do.
Congrats Matthew!
This was one of my favorite staffs, and just missed out on my personal top-20.
Can't wait to see what you come up with in future rounds!
I didn't see this item during voting, but I wish I had. It takes one of the main obstacles that appears in mid/higher level play (incorporeal, darkness, etc.) and provides a solution that is both flavorful and engaging to the player.
I'm not sure I like the idea of being able to completely neutralize the haunt with a caster level check. As a GM, I would hate to see a fun, flavorful and challenging haunt evaporate as the consequence of a single die roll, especially when the wielder gets to act in the surprise round. There's a good chance the players would never get to see the effects of the haunt at all. I realize this is a problem with many traps, and it may be unfair to criticize it here, but I trust you could come up with something that helps defeat a haunt in a way that is a little more interesting if given the time and word count.
All told, you did very well with the psychopomp's crosier. Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)
Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.
So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience.
Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to the critique!
As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!
I liked this staff, but it was on my "maybe" list after hearing that the judges and developers didn't like items that made adventuring safer. Basically totally removing Haunts as a threat kind of falls into that, doesn't it?
That said, it's very useful and practical, so it scored big with me. As a GM, it would bug me that I couldn't realistically use haunts anymore, but as a player, I'd love not worrying about haunts anymore. Of course, it could very easily be written such that you can act in the surprise round without being able to just poof away the haunt without fear.
The rest of the staff is also nice. Ghostbane Dirge is one of my favorite spells, and buffing it to prevent escape (I hate it when the incorporeal creature is smart and just runs until the dirge ends) is a sweet side effect. I like that it works whether you or the staff casts it, too.
You know what else? It's cheap! Ok, it's probably too cheap, actually, and the CL is messed up (should be at last 9th), so, another reason I didn't expect it to make the top 32. But, yeah, if my party found this item, we'd unquestionably keep it, and I think most parties expecting any unded opposition at all probably would want one made eventually.
But overall, some minor quibbles, making adventuring too safe, and maybe being too good keeps this from being a top item. Or well, I thought it did--I'm obviously wrong, so, congratulations.
|
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
,
Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
aka ChesterCopperpot
|
Thanks so, so much for all of the feedback folks.
I was torn about the ability to spend a charge to neutralize the haunt. I really love haunts as well, and (as a few of you perceptively mentioned) shutting them down before they fire can put a damper on the haunt's storytelling element. I settled on the current version of the ability after a few drafts for three reasons:
First, succeeding on the check to notice the haunt gives you the ability to make a decision concerning what to do about it. (I know one complaint some of my friends have about haunts is that they are a "trap you can't detect" that just happens to you.) Do you want to run away? Let the haunt play out? Expend resources to attempt to neutralize it? I like the agency of the ability.
Second, you need to beat the haunt's initiative and make the caster level check to neutralize, so it's not an automatic win against the haunt. It is definitely safer than channeling to get rid of it, so it does walk the line of "making adventuring safer." Very valid concern.
Third, I had imagined that most people with the staff would use its speak with haunt power after neutralizing a haunt, so the GM might have the opportunity to deliver the story-relevant information. Reflecting on all of the excellent feedback that I've received, I missed an opportunity to suggest that either mechanically or through the fluff text.
Again, thanks so much to all of you who took the time to provide feedback.
Psychopomp's Crosier
Aura moderate varies; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.Description
The head of this white ash staff spirals into a stylized shepherd's crook, a large onyx gemstone nestled at its center. A powerful menace to unquiet spirits, the staff allows its bearer to cast the following spells:Ghostbane dirge (1 Charge; Advanced Player's Guide)
Spiritual weapon (2 Charges)
Mass ghostbane dirge (3 Charges; Advanced Player's Guide)
Speak with haunt (3 Charges; Advanced Class Guide)In addition, the bearer may always act in the surprise round triggered by the manifestation of a haunt as if she had succeeded on her notice check. Should she act before the haunt in the round it manifests, she may attempt to neutralize the haunt by expending one charge from the staff and succeeding on a caster level check equal to 10 + the haunt's CR.
Incorporeal undead lose the ability to enter or pass through solid objects when under effect of ghostbane dirge (or mass ghostbane dirge) cast by the bearer, whether from the staff or from her daily allotment of spells. This does not affect the ability of incorporeal undeads' attacks to ignore natural armor, armor, and shields.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Ectoplasmic Spell (Advanced Player's Guide), ghostbane dirge, mass ghostbane dirge, speak with haunt, spiritual weapon; Cost 13,500 gp
Is the Item Decorative?
I'm in two minds over whether the large onyx is unnecessarily ostentatious. Otherwise this item seems to be rather plain - although, it's not beyond all plausibility that an item be both plain and decorative, if the 'plain' is done well.
Decorative score? 4 out of 7.
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
Not unless one lives in a house which is haunted. Now granted there are some succubi who go in for that sort of thing, so perhaps the award of a small mark for this section is reasonable.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 1 out of 7.
Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
My initial reaction was that the item was likely to be completely irrelevant to the proceedings of any 'Operation Sealion', then I read the description again and I noted the spiritual weapon feature that it offers. To that extent, it seems to me that it has some scope for use in the beach proceedings of any 'Operation Sealion', although it might be more useful to defenders with the advantage of 'cover' in the form of fortified positions to direct any 'weapon' from behind.
'Sealion' score? 2 out of 7.
Total: 7 out of 21.
Congratulations for having made it to the Top 32, sorry you didn't move on.
Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!
Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.
As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealed to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"
Rewrite -- This is a cool, and niche item that needs a little work but is a really solid staff.
Psychopomp's Crosier
Congratulations Matthew!
With the RPGSS boards going so quiet lately I am starting to make progress on R1 comments. Sorry for it being to late to help you going forward.
'Staves as hard mode' meant they would have a hard time hitting the fine line between SIaC and SAK. I felt the spells did not tie together enough to avoid SAK. Two ghosts spells, one haunt, and one force spell. The spiritual weapon doesn't get any advantage, and none of those affect haunts. The special abilities target haunts and ghosts, tightening the theme some, which is good. Neutralizing a haunt might fall into the 'make adventuring safer' danger, but fortunately the caster-level check looks like a good design balance. I like the perception bonus against haunts though a flat bonus to Perception would be better. The last ability is my favorite, as it tweaks an existing spell in the way meta-magic does.
EDIT after reading rest of thread: Hmmm... I assumed neutralized meant they were gone until they reset. You would not be able to speak with them after the fact but I guess you can come back tomorrow and cast the spell to talk with them.
I hope this helps for next year. Well done!