For Readability - Answers
1. I used to think that there was no such thing as "too much calamari".
2. I wish that I had packed my special ointment.
3. Laser-beam eyeballs.
1. So after fighting the Kraken, what are your thoughts on seafood?
2. Did you hear there's going to be a harem of gorgeous women available at the next Hero Convention?
3. Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?
Might help if I put the answers for the next guy, right?
1. Two, but we don't know how they got in there.
2. I'm not sure, but there were deep fried snickers, oreo cookie ice cream and flan listed under savory dishes...
3. Six black candles, wolfsbane, mandrake and thyme
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1. Shall we discuss...a few elephants in the room?
2. Did you REALLY see Queen Frostine and Lord Licorice at the next table when you scouted that new restaurant?
3. So...Scarborough Fair is actually some kind of witch's sabbath? Tell me more.
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Cthulhu...Cthulhu has more power than you'll ever have! He GAVE you your power, he...can take it away!
2. You'd be surprised what you can live through.
3. I thought the earth wasn't supposed to move until the honeymoon....
1. I'm the BBEG, why aren't you afraid of me?
2. How can I live after being tarred, feathered, dragged through a daisy field and painted hot pink?
3. Was that an earthquake?
Answers:
1. If it moves. Kill it. If it winks at you. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
2. Sometimes I wish it would rain inside the dungeon to suit my mood.
3. Tinkerbell had nothing on you, you big adorable fairy.
1. Do you have any advice for female cosplayers?
2. Are you sad about your fellow party members being a gang of bumbling stereotypes?
3. :grabs you by the lapels, lifts you off the ground, and bellows in your face: Clap! Clap to show you believe in me!
Answers:
1. Oh dear. I suppose I should have used the 1/4 inch wrench instead.
2. It went straight through and stuck in the wall behind him.
3. Dipped, with mozzarella and sweet peppers.
1. Did you break that wrench 1/8 wrench on purpose?
2. Was that dagger any use against the incorporeal monsters you were fighting earlier?
3. You want his head on a platter? How would you like it served?
Answers:
1. Squeaky toys. We need squeaky toys.
2. It's called Squibbles and Bits
3. The recipe calls for Three blind mice, a fork running away with a spoon, two cows and a candlestick named Nimble.
1. As such Miss Liranys, upon this Miss Paizo election, what do you say would improve society?
2. If a calimari was chopped up, what should we call it on the menu?
3. Oh dear, we're supposed to serve a musician, who eats with his hands only, a romantic dinner at a farm. What do we do now?
Dear typer of words, the answers are:
A. A deer, a hog and a pineapple.
B. Michael Jackson.
C. Cucumber slices on top, with ceddar cheese on the side.
1. What did he says when you asked him to name 3 animals?
2. Who would you say embodies the spirit of the zombie?
3. How would you like your salad served?
Lalalal Answers!
1. She said it was too small to fit well, but too big to chew properly.
2. It wasn't a bowl of chili...
3. Ew! Don't do that! They make tacos out of that stuff!
1. Do you know who it was that sent me the red herring wrapped in wrapping paper and a bow?
2. What's your philosophy on getting stoned (petrified)?
3. Who is fighting in the next Deathmatch 2000?
Answers.
1. Somewhat. I still think that the sheets should have been satin.
2. Squeaky clean. That's how I like it.
3. Orange juice? Only if you mix it with vodka and grenadine syrup.
1. You were convicted of defrauding hundreds of people out of their life's savings. Was your twenty month prison term unpleasant?
2. How's the steak?
3. As representative of the Florida Citrus Growers Coalition, what is your new marketing campaign?
Answers:
1. I'll grind yer bones ta make me bread!
2. Delicious pork gravy.
3. :turns head to the side: I don't know -what- to make of that.
1. Well, if you can think of a better explanation for what I was doing with a whisk, a lump of dough and Lucius here, Officer, I should like to very much like to hear it!
2. What could make Rush Limbaugh palatable to the more discerning cannibal?
3. Why does my Lego diorama of the 120 Days of Sodom always have to have *ONE PIECE MISSING?!*
Answers:
1. I don't care if they are your knees. I saw them first.
2. Thus proving there is nothing that a cravat can't improve.
3. And we're just £3.50 away from buying Red Sonja a cold-weather bikini!
1. Would you please get your hands off of my knees?
2. What was that last thing you said about the Cravat?
3. So we have enough cash to get the fur sombreros, sealskin towels. What am I missing?
Answers:
1. Yes, you can too make one out of bricks, anchovies and pitas!
2. Don't ask me that, you won't like the answer.
3. It was a cross between Pickachu and a nunchuck.
1. So you want to make the third little pig Greek for some reason. You can't build this house you're planning for him without being offensive, not to mention the fact that there's no way it will be as structurally sound as the original design.
2. So, how's your lower gastrointestinal tract?
3. Pikachuck? Is that like a Pokemon who uses roundhouse kicks or something?
Answers:
1. Boxers. -Definitely- boxers.
2. I dunno. I think I got a hold of some bad clams or something.
3. Not with -my- pancreas you won't!
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Your Questions are:
1. Boxers or Mixed Martial Artists?
2. Why do you that constipated look on your face?
3. How about I pour this gallon of maple syrup down your throat?
The Answers to your questions are.
1. Because you told me to, you told me to, you told me to.
2. Because what is mine is mine, and what is your's is mine.
3. Because it was there.
1. Why did you eat that whole sardine cake?
2. What's your philosophy on sharing?
3. Why did you tip that poor little old lady's car at the bowling alley last night?
Answers:
1. There are three. Kindness, Loyalty and nachos.
2. You have until I count to 13.
3. The answer is simple. Take 3 cups of sugar, mix them with a cup of vinegar, add in a cement mixture and 3 gallons of water.
1. How adorable it is that you've given names to each of your legs. Pray, what are they?
2. How long 'til we start the Last Supper?
3. Dear Mrs. Beeton, I want to make homeopathic Sweet & Sour sauce. What do I do?
Answers:
1. It's pointed at both ends for a reason
2. And I found out the hard way that peanut butter isn't a disinfectant
3. That's about the only difference between Angelina Jolie and an industrial vacuum cleaner.
1. Sooo... Um... What's going on with your genitals there?
2. I heard you used to work at the George Washington Carver Microbiology Lab.
3. Give me a significant fact about lipstick.
Answers:
1. It bends slightly to the left, but I wouldn't worry about it unless you get over eighty miles per hour.
2. Wow. That -is- a lot of ham!
3. You don't understand, General: the President's endocrine system IS the bomb!
1. Is that motorcycle made of rubber or something?
2. Did you want half the pig or the whole one?
3. Now, tell me again. Where is the bomb?
Answers:
1. Truffles have tridges.
2. It's a squiggly wiggly squirmy wormy.
3. She had a pimple on her pinky and mole on her toe.
1. Are you having a stroke? Do you know where you are right now?
2. So, "The Doctor Goes Fishing" eh? What are you using for bait?
3. How did your eHarmony date go?
Answers:
1. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.
2. SCOTUS just ordered a dozen pepperoni pizzas and a couple strippers.
3. Maybe they make a topical cream for that.
1. How has the American left moved this last century?
2. What happened to the latest Guantanamo appeal case?
3. How come all American presidents go white-haired during their presidency?
And answers:
1. No. No, I REALLY don't want to try that. Not even with hot sauce.
2. 20.
3. Only one of us is walking out of here alive.
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1. "GURG MAKE YOU ENCHILADAS! IS OWN RECIPE - *VERY* GLOFFY!"
2. How many Magi attended Christ's birth before the Council of Nicaea whitewashed everything?
3. I used one of the little strips on the back of your head as a washcloth - you don't care about those, do you?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Carmen got to you before I could, didn't she?!?
2. Far too many notes for my taste.
3. ZORAK!
1. Sorry mister Jester, the position's been filled, how do you think that happened?
2. Now to pass this test, we'd need to take notes, how many exactly?
3. Who, or what is that guy in the green pajamas wielding a laddle?
Following typer of words:
1. Beats me, but that thing's probably loaded with fluffy bunnies.
2. 500 miles an hour,
3. Nope, seriously m8, you need a bushtuckah for that job.
1. This stew is delicious! What's in it?
2. So Bob finally finished his jetpack powered by Sisyphean ennui. How does it fly?
3. :at Wullamarong Medical Center in Sydney: We're about to begin the appendectomy, Dr. Brucenbruce. Do you have all the instruments you need?
Answers
1. I think that was one cookie too many.
2. :sings: Makin' movies, singin' songs and Foightin' 'Round the Wooooorld!
3. Oh! My hip!
Questions:
1. What made cookie monster throw up?
2. What would Sylvester Stallone do if he turned Rocky 3 into a musical?
3. What could stop you from running the Boston Marathon?
Answers:
1. Boilermaker.
2. Steamfitter.
3. Welder.
1. We've got a leak in the cettle, pressure's too much, we gotta call someone, but who?
2. What did you call that guy again, steamshifter?
3. I'm never calling a bulgarian handyman for this. I need someone proper to get these plates together, who....
Poster who comes after me,
1. The Dark Ages, things were crueller, but much simpler for that sort of thing.
2. Bruce Wayne in a tutu
3. Justin Bieber's gender surgery.
1. Those torture devices are rather complex, don't you have anything easier to use?
2. Who was that masked Ballerina?
3. Why did that doctor just faint?
Next poster:
1. Peanuts are not actually nuts.
2. There's a fly in my ointment and a bee in my bonnet.
3. Spatulas. The only thing that can help are a couple of spatulas.
1. Oh no! It's the sinister Dr. Pedant!
2. ... And his henchman, Mr. Idiom!
3. What can we do to stop them? What can we dooooo?!?
Answers:
1. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
2. If I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key!
3. It's good to be the king...
1. mom went into labor but I didn't catch what she was saying. anybody catch that?
2. there's a real easy solution to winning the tournament and aside from your abject laziness and lack of drive (if you'll pardon the pun) it's frankly mystifying to me why you don't s@!& or get off the pot I don't know. help me out here. indulge me, for crying out loud: why don't you just nut up and go through with it?
3. what words did the man we are all here to honor get tattooed on his dilz to commemorate derailing a train full of elderly war criminals with it?
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1. that's another thing we can blame on our son's, uh, new gender
2. because we actually hate our dog. can't stand the thing.
3. anthony fantano did it. so-called internet's busiest music nerd. I seen it all go down and it was that son of a b&!~$.
1. Why is there a NAKED DWARF in my shower???
2. Why did you get a cat that's twice the size of your dog?
3. Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?
Answers:
1. There are three things you should know about it. And I forgot the first two.
2. I say we get in, get on with it, get it over with and get out.
3. You just made my day. Best news I've ever heard!
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Your questions are:
1. What do you know about the Tarasque we are about to fight?
2. I say we should practice are assignments for the bank robbery again; what do you say?
3. Did you here they arrested and deported Justin Bieber?
Your answers are:
1. Markers.
2. Crayons.
3. Pencils.
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1. Those new kooks who've been saying the King James Bible isn't expurgated enough and should only have one Gospel - what are they called again?
2. What was the ultimate fate of Vincent Price's body after the end of House of Wax?
3. What's the one thing that scares Batman?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. An otyugh wearing a sombrero.
2. A mind flayer wearing a tuxedo.
3. A beholder wearing a clown wig.
1. So mr...Brony and miss...Pony? For god's sake, really?. You say your stress began after your first child was born, equinoxmaster was it?
2. How is a baboon yelling supposed to make a beat?
3. Where ol' Lassy was born, there was a woman who rode a horse, can you beat that epicness?
Next poster, here be yee answers.
1. Not as close as the clown was to the wrestler.
2. An unexpected technicality, i swear, nothing to worry about honestly.
3. Given 80 miles an hour from a height of about 1000 miles with an accelleration of 1 mile an hour every 5 seconds, i'd say indeed.
1. You got really close to that clown, didn't you?
2. Um, why are the bananas on the banana tree blue?
3. Would an overladen swallow fall out of the sky carrying that coconut?
Answers:
1. 42
2. You really don't want to know.
3. Yes, but I don't know where to get rubber pants our size.
1. What is six times nine?
2. What did the rogue do to the wizard's toad familiar?
3. Are you down with our albino alligator-hunt tonight?
Answers:
1. Really? Oh, that's... excellent... news.
2. In the air ducts? Seriously?
3. It's just one of the problems of a base like this.
1. I've brought you something wonderful... :whispers: It's in my -pants-!
2. So John McClain, a fully grown man, mind you, makes his way around the building in these ridiculously large air ducts.
3. So, yeah... None of the toilets flush.
Answers
1. A bit snug, don't you think?
2. I wouldn't do that again if you paid me.
3. We play both kinds of music: Country -and- Western!
1. How does that g-string you got fit?
2. Would you please lather the alligator in marshmallow cream? It gets cranky without it's sugar rub.
3. Do you play country western here?
answers:
1. Pink with polka dots and HUGE ears.
2. It should never have been made out of chocolate.
3. That's why I said you needed a black candle and some duct tape.
1. 'Iiiii'm coming up, so ya better get this party started', sings the Dalmatian/Elephant/pop singer cross-breed I, Dr Moreau, have created!
2. Yes. I mean, a sentient Channing Tatum golem (with *detachable parts*!) was bad enough, but sending that into a hen party, hollowed out and filled with Malibu....
3. 'I want to join the Satanists!' 'Why, are they coming apart?'
Answers:
1. Incorporating the best bits of 'Gigli', '300' and 'Manos: The Hands of Fate'
2. Which proves that you *can* do it in high heels!
3. ...And that's what Zeus would have done.
1. What's our key selling point for the next D&D movie?
2. That seems like a pretty odd choice for the combined cupcake baking and archery competition.
3. How can you aspire to be a god when all you do is pick up girls and father bastards on them, curse people and strut around shooting people???
Answers:
1. Oh no, my darling, I would never let that happen.
2. BlipblipblipblipbleeeeeeeeeeeepPWING!!!
3. Four. I am almost completely certain about that. Maybe four point seventeen.
1. Say, if your life depended on a sacrifice, would you offer that hamster of yours?
2. What sound gives away you're about to meet a utility droid?
3. What is the ideal number of adventurers in a standard group?
Dear poster, here are your answers.
1. It needs a little sugar coating.
2. With that nose of hers, she's bound to get far in politics.
3. I'll pass on that, too many hooligans when that happens.
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1. Mr. President, we've just heard from NASA. A meteor's coming, there's nothing we can do to stop it because we've spent all our resources fighting each other, and it will be a miracle if anyone on Earth survives. It's the End of Human History. Here's the speech that was prepared decades ago for this event. What do you think?
2. Why did you vote for Miss Lady Elaine Fairchild?
3. Insane Clown Posse, Ted Nugent, and Metallica are playing at the World Cup! Wanna go?
Dear following poster,
The answers to your next three questions are as follows:
1. Dude looks like a lady....
2. Well, it's better than the current psionics system.
3. Mr. Clean died today.
1. So, I thought you preferred women, was I wrong?
2. What if we used the psionics system from that weird steam punk game instead?
3. Are you okay? Why are you crying?
Answers:
1. It's all in how you say it.
2. Yes. I was there along with three dozen dwarfs and a box.
3. You could, but then I'd have to tell those elves over there that you did and they don't look too happy as it is.
1. I told that Klingon girl that I liked her knife and she beat the hairpiece and shoes offa me! What did I do wrong?
2. Were you at the Snow White: An All-Nude Musical Review audition?
3. I'm telling mother that you ruined all the crocheted doilies!
Answers
1. Big Money! Big Prizes! I -Love- it!
2. You're not sending -me- to the cooler!
3. Polites, give me the goat!
1. Why are you hunting raccoons with a machete?
2. We're running short on hamburger patties and the lunch rush is in full swing. Do me a favor and go get some.
3. Okay, you guys have about a half hour of free time, but then it's back to work.
Answers:
1. It has a beautiful, haunting mating call.
2. Well, vampirism isn't -all- bad.
3. You need to have a doctor look at that. It can't be good.
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1. What is the rare ghostfeathered duck's most distinct feature?
2. Tell me again, why did you side with Dracula in the war of monsters?
3. I've got a large, puffy zit in the shape of William Shakespeare on my rear end, what should I do?
Answers:
1. I would definitely beat that loser in a Death Battle!
2. We're up all night to get lucky!
3. Overgrown gorilla!
1. What you do if you were a gladiator?
2. She's up all night for good fun, what are you up all night for?
3. What is the deal with King Kong?
Answers:
1. Green Gravy, because it's too hard to say Psitmachio Pudding.. See. I can't even say it right.
2. I eat, therefore, I am.
3. Two and twenty is a really strange number. I say 42 is much better.
1. What is a lovable giant's favorite meat enhancer?
2. What's the new motto the Treasury is going to put on U.S. currency?
3. What's better: two times eleven or two score and two?
Answers:
1. Over the hills and far away.
2. Gonna make you sweat. Gonna make you groove.
3. I don't see why. There's plenty of fruit.
1. How do I get to grandmother's house?
2. What are the lyrics to that song you have stuck in your head?
3. Don't you know you can't put tomatoes in a fruit salad?
Next Poster's Answers:
1. It's not a tumor.
2. They say it's a freckle, but freckles aren't usually green.
3. Yup. I saw him do it too. It was something to behold.
1. Remember kid, remember what Schwarzenegger said about the bump?
2. A little spot in the face, it's harmless right?
3. Seriously, GoatToucher's expanded his horizon to camels now too?
1. The nightingale in the golden cage.
2. The sharks will dine upon his flesh, and Davy Jones will have his soul.
3. Obviously Dubstep, as weird as it is.
Your Questions:
1. What is Sylvester Cat's favorite meal?
2. What will happen when I make Gruumash walk the plank?
3. What type of song is so dumb it is still popular?
Your Answers:
1. Hot Cross Bunnies.
2. The man down the lane.
3. The Last cemetary you will ever see.