RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Kind of meta but funny in hindsight.
Playing a ghoul infested scenario. I'd forgotten it was a season 0, so nothing funky. None of the PCs has knowledge religion.
We have these undead things coming at us. They're shrugging off my ray of frost and sling bullets, my hexes are useless, and the rest of the party is having worse luck. We finally get into meele with them and Ksenia is down to her dagger.
Ranger readies an action to attack when they get within 5 feet. And it's my turn.
"I'll just ray of- wait. I'll 5' step and ready an action to aide another for the figher."
Well we go through the round and the triggered action goes off. I make my AA roll. The GM asks, "How are you aiding?"
I mime ripping open my shirt. "Look! Breasts!" (Ignoring I'm a 6'4 390 lbs male playing a character modeled after Ksenia Solo).
That's not the funny part. The funny part?
Edit: Later I failed a perception check. I passed it off as Ksenia busy buttoning up her shirt, so she didn't notice.
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Rats of Round Mountain Part I
Our party came to a collapsed tunnel that needed clearing for us to proceed. The Paladin turned to us and said, "No problem, I can use my adamant earthbreaker and we'll be through in no time." My witch responded with saying "while you're digging, why don't you take your shirt off so you don't over-heat?" and another female character offered to "lube the Paladin" if he did so. He modestly declined the offer. Well, after he broke his way through the collapsed wall...
THEN the Paladin started yelling "lube me! lube me!".
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Our weapons had been confiscated, but my Paladin was in full plate. Once she was lined up to be the sacrifice, she decided that enough was enough and declared a Smite Evil on the evil cleric in charge. Following that was a brutal beatdown with gauntlets. The only reason I didn't end was that her healing outmatched my Lay On Hands, but my paladin almost brought her down to 0 with fisticuffs.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
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The oread had purchased a Stone of Conjuring Earth Elementals -- which basically allowed him to crap out earth elementals on cue. One of his creations got hit with a trap and lost its mind, gaining a psychosis and becoming schizophrenic. Since it didn't die, he would resummon it -- unaware that it was insane. We didn't know either, until in the middle of a fight the huge earth elemental started rampaging through the party.
We had more elemental fun when a water elemental vortexed and sucked the time oracle up inside it. Everyone else at the table started scrambling, thinking of a way to save him when the creature simply disappeared and he floated gently down to the ground. We were perplexed until he smirked and proclaimed, "Plane shift, b&!$+es. Let's see how he likes the plane of fire." He then flipped us the bird with his middle digit, "and a ring of feather falling, of course." Smug little halfling.
He wasn't the only one in good spirits, though. As we delved into the tomb, we came across a fiddle of blasting -- seeing as how no one could use it, I ended up summoning a satyr to play backup for us while we took the main stage in a later fight. He managed to get off a couple of power chords before the whole thing exploded in his face. Turns out he had rocked a little too hard.
The place was full with fun and difficult fights. Not the least of which were the four evil outsiders with scythe arms. They took a shine to our life oracle, and started cleaving her apart. Things were looking pretty grim until my t-rex appeared, and swallowed one whole. The cavalier picked off the other two and we thanked Rexxy for his service before sending him back to the jungle. Later in the dungeon, we needed his aid once more. After he was done kicking butt, I decided to give him a proper send off, giving him a slew of buff spells before dismissing him back into his homeland -- where I'm sure he became the new king of the jungle - air walk, animal growth, avatism, barkskin, bear's endurance, bull's strength, greater magic fang, iron jaw -- he may have been colossal for only a few minutes but dang, I hope he made the most of it and swallowed something gargantuan. Just for my sake.
At the end, we ran into some trouble with ghosts. The one baddie thought it would be cute to hit me with a harm from range. Naturally, I succeeded that save (+25 will, hah) and took my 75 damage in stride. In the interest of fairness, I returned the favor by slapping her upside the head with heal. It was a gentleman's exchange of spells, truly. Unfortunately, she soured the experience by draining some of my Con, to which I responded most appropriately with a sunbeam -- obliterating her entirely. Such a shame, but I took solace in knowing that it was her own fault.
There was also a chap that had the extraordinary gift of forced teleportation. If his ghostly whip touched you, you were teleported against your will in a random direction. Hilarity ensured when the oread (in earth elemental form) was plopped 800 feet away underground, with no sense of direction. It took him about 10 minutes to find us again. Don't feel too bad for the player, though, as he got to play Sasha 9. Sasha was the name he lovingly gave to all his disposable elementals, and the 9 indicated that she was the newest of his summons, numbers 1 to 8 having died during service. To make things more enjoyable, Sasha 9 had schizophrenia. Needless to say, she wasn't of much help in that fight.
And for further reading pleasure, here is a similar thread. I recommend the all that is man story in there, it remains to this day the funniest thing I have ever witnessed at a table.
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Working our way through Eyes of the Ten, our casters were busy pinning down their casters with magic missiles, dispels, and fireballs. Unfortunately, one of their guards got the wise idea to ready to shoot the gnome sorceress from about 10 feet away. The first time he tried it, he missed. The gnome, however, was unamused. The guard readied his action again...and the gnome responds by pulling a dagger and bullrushing him. And what was behind this hapless guard? Why, a massive chasm! But surely a gnome can't throw someone off a cliff, can she? A gnome with no real skill in the matter? She did! A high die roll, and the poor sod took a tumble.
The GM was floored, and the table roared.
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How about the time the big bad kept regenarating because we didn't have any silve or good on us? She was already unconscious, but wouldn't stay down. Then we remembered the first loot we found in the scenario: a chest of silver ingots. Soon everyone in the party is whacking at the BBEG with the ingots, and she finally stays down.
Out of character, it is sometimes quite difficult to find figures for larger enemies, as most of us don't GM often enough to invest in them. Last week we discovered that these cookies couple of the players always bring to the games are perfectly sized for Huge creatures. And also that certain smaller cookies are a perfect for Large. Thus leading to my paldin and another player's cavalier riding into battle against two of these: linkified on Oreos. The idea just amuses me endlessly.
I added a link for you... & yeah killing the gummibugbears is always the benefit to this kind of mini :)
Matthew are you going to explain the translation? please
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Alexander reminded me of an event that happened when I was GMing the 1dt level of Thornkeep, The Accursed Halls.
So, while one of them shoots back, a couple of the others start to climb up to turn the balcony fight into melee.
They take some damage while climbing, manage to take out 2 of the three archers, but run into some issues with the third.
The Paladin is standing next to the goblin, but next to the railing, when the goblin decides to go for broke, and 5' steps so that the Paladin is between him and the edge of the balcony. The goblin then attempts to bull rush the Paladin. The Paladin misses on he AoO, and the goblin rolls high enough on the die that he succeeds, barely, in pushing the Paladin off the balcony.
The Cleric then comes over, stands 5' back from the edge, and attempts to attack the goblin. Miss. The goblin 5' steps so that the balcony is past the Cleric, and attempts another bull rush. Cleric's AoO misses. Goblin again rolls high on the die, succeeding by more than the +5 needed to push the Cleric 10' back, and off the balcony.
The Paladin had made his way back up, in the meantime, and just as this last goblin had decided to run away for all the free beers his tales would get him, the Paladin gets to him, and hits on the attack, killing the goblin.
Everyone at the table did seem amused by the events.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Well funny for me...
Two newish players, plus a husband brought in to fill out a legal table. Nightmarch of Kalamedies.
How I kept a poker face, I'll never know. The look on their face when I dropped the Trechery Demon on the table was worth it.
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Hmmm a funny story for nosig...
The Taldor faction mission is to embarrass an enemy NPC by the name of Beingeir (sp?). The only Taldor member, an illusionist by the name of Fabulon Glitterati, decided the best way to do this was to tie him up, strip him to his undies, use minor image to make the undies pink with blue teddy bears on them, put him on his amazing Prestidigitechnicolor Dream Pony and Cart, and stroll him through the streets of Absalom, using Ghost Sound to repeatedly make the Nelson 'Ha-ha!'.
The group's rogue also chipped in, bought some rotten tomatoes, and handed them out to passersby and let them throw them at the throroughly disgraced man.
When the Absalom Guard arrived, the illusionist said 'This man was caught stealing candy from a baby, pushing little old ladies, and trying to make love to a bench. After rolling a 25 on his bluff check, the guards can only nod, throw a tomato each, and carried the man away.
It was funnier on my end only because after he saw the faction mission, the player playing Fabulon was writing notes and spent some time planning all this out for that very moment.
In another quick Fabulon quip, here's his intro for casting most offensive spells. "I have a great spell for healing! It cauterizes wounds! It's called fireball!"
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Having played that scenario, I'd really like to GM it. It seems like it would be a fun one to GM.Well funny for me...
Two newish players, plus a husband brought in to fill out a legal table. Nightmarch of Kalamedies.
** spoiler omitted **
Oh it's hilarous. I should point out this is the same group that thwarted an encounter using dancing lights, message, and a lack of spell craft from the baddies.
One other funny bit from the session.
The ranger player finds the cleric has an intelligence of 7. She keeps trying to use handle animal on him, offering him treats, etc. (it's all in good fun). At one point she laments that I'm going to have to let her use handle animal...
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Hmmm a funny story for nosig...
** spoiler omitted **
I love a good prank, but I don't know if I'd do something to really harm a person's reputation that way, unless he was a really bad man who totally deserved it. I usually stick to more harmless pranks, like sneaking under the Venture-Captain's desk during mission briefings to tie their shoes together. Or telling people, "Your shoelaces are untied. Just kidding! Shoelaces haven't been invented yet!"
I may be a prankster bard, but I'm also a member of the Silver Crusade. I just don't get into all that honor stuff - I'm a good guy, but rules were made to be broken!
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Another couple, just for nosig. Antics of Munny and Fenris.
On the way to Nasir Tandir's warehouse, our group is being followed by a couple of thugs. Munny (my gunslinger) decides to "impress" them... which included a shot by Vera (his musket)... of course, he manages to miss them, flatfooted! In any case, we easily subdue these two, question them, and then send them away.
The group defeats Belal Al-Sarif, the local organized crime enforcer, at Nasir Tandir's warehouse (another joke about this later). We haven't killed him outright, so Fenris and Munny take him outside, tie him over a hitching post, pull down his pants. We leave a note (in several languages) stating "Free hits!", and a switch in plain view. We agree... it will be very hard to be a mob enforcer after that sort of embarrassment.
Also of note in this battle, the two thugs we freed before tried to enter the battle. They saw what was going on, and surrendered quite quickly. It is suggested that they find a different line of work.
A while later (in a different scenario)
In this scenario, this time with Munny and the same player as Fenris (but a different character), we are ambushed by some thugs. We quickly defeat them, and decide to teach them a lesson. Again, the end result is a thug (this time a woman, as I recall, but equal treatment before the Law, as Munny would say) tied up over a rail.. pants on the ground, switch readily available, and a note suggesting that justice be done.
and, as promised...
So, this time, I was running the scenario, and when the players got the Nasir's warehouse, they were unimpressed by its size. "Warehouse?" one player asks "There's no question as to where! It is right here in plain sight!"
Ok, this was probably funnier at the time (and I am probably misquoting badly)
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Hmmm a funny story for nosig...
** spoiler omitted **
I love a good prank, but I don't know if I'd do something to really harm a person's reputation that way, unless he was a really bad man who totally deserved it. I usually stick to more harmless pranks, like sneaking under the Venture-Captain's desk during mission briefings to tie their shoes together. Or telling people, "Your shoelaces are untied. Just kidding! Shoelaces haven't been invented yet!"
I may be a prankster bard, but I'm also a member of the Silver Crusade. I just don't get into all that honor stuff - I'm a good guy, but rules were made to be broken!
Speaking of which, I keep saying that I should write up a note to hand to the GM at the start of every session, explaining how Wizzlefarb is going to bluff/stealth his way under the Venture-Captain's desk to tie his shoes together during the mission briefing. I just have to decide how to word it and what skills are involved.
I'm thinking bluff to pretend to have a reason to get down on the ground (pretending to just be an easily distractable gnome whose attention was drawn to something on the floor), stealth to get under the VC's desk without the VC seeing and/or sleight of hand to tie the shoes together without the VC realizing what's going on.
I don't have the character sheet in front of me, but I know his bluff and stealth are both high for his level, but his sleight of hand might not be up to the task. I know I have it trained as a class skill, but I think I've only got 12 dex, and I don't have other bonuses to boost it real high like I do with bluff (+2 trait, +3 Skill Focus) and stealth (+4 racial size bonus).
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Perhaps it's one of the "you had to have been there" moments, but...
Like I said, you may have had to be there.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
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Working our way through Eyes of the Ten, our casters were busy pinning down their casters with magic missiles, dispels, and fireballs. Unfortunately, one of their guards got the wise idea to ready to shoot the gnome sorceress from about 10 feet away. The first time he tried it, he missed. The gnome, however, was unamused. The guard readied his action again...and the gnome responds by pulling a dagger and bullrushing him. And what was behind this hapless guard? Why, a massive chasm! But surely a gnome can't throw someone off a cliff, can she? A gnome with no real skill in the matter? She did! A high die roll, and the poor sod took a tumble.
The GM was floored, and the table roared.
Our own EOTS game (run by Kyle Elliott) was a 40 hour schmorgesborg of falling-out-of-our-chair-laughing moments. Here's a couple.
*Don't read these unless you've played Eyes of the Ten!*During the fight with the huge ape-creature on the Maze in pt. 1, it tore into our oread sorcerer (same one from before). It used the "I backhand you, you fly 60 feet away" move, and Kyle rolled a natural 20 on the attack. Given the consequences for stepping off the path in that Maze, we all winced at the roll -- knowing that he was going to get vaporized or teleported or something terrible for flying through the hedge. The player of the oread just said, "Kyle, is that a push/pull effect?" and pointed at his shiny new belt. Kyle dropped some profanity and we just starting cracking up, visualizing this massive godzilla-esque monster grabbing hold of a small stone man and being unable to lift him off the ground as he pulled with all his might.
During part 2, when our group was confronted by some fearsome demons, our conjuration wizard thought it prudent to summon some dinosaurs to the defense. Unfortunately, all the celestial ankylosaurus failed their saves against the fear aura. So we all watched as they slap-stick style ran, tumbled, slipped, and slided across the icy floor away from the demons; crashed into the far wall and barreled through it, plummeting toward the ground like a herd of three ton lemmings.
All of part 3 was ridiculous, and if you played it you know why. My best moment was when our wizard got polymorphed into a toad by the enemy witch. I hustled downstairs, saw the commotion, and responded by polymorphing the witch into a toad. My work being done, I turned into an eagle and flew off to help out at another part of the battle, leaving the two former spellcasters to hop around aimlessly. They could have had their own tiny-sized thunderdome-style battle had our cavalier not assessed the situation and decided the witch was too dangerous to leave alive. A solid crit from a spirited charge lance hit just exploded that poor amphibian.
My team was fighting a large demon with me stuck on the other side of a wall of stone.
What do I do? I take my lurcerne hammer(+1 and adamantine) and smash the wall, I then make an intimidate against the boss. I pas, he is scared of me.
Next turn i charge the boss, I roll a crit, a kill the boss with 1 shot.
So, I break the wall, terryfiy the boss and charge it and kill it
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Yes, nosig, don't look... you'll be happy playing it without prior knowledge. @Walter- that spoilered bit for part 3 is hilarious!HA! I'm on to you Whiskey Jack! I am stronger that that! Get behind me Tempter! Vile Spawn of Asmodaus! (wait, what faction are you again? If it's Andoran I should call you Rebel Scum or something right?)
No, you had it right the first time. He's the spawn of Asmodeus. He even plays an inquisitor of Asmodeus in the Cheliax faction.
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This came up last night. Two in our group where eating chinese food and got a fortune cookie.
I kid you not, it said "YOu will have many gold pieces in your future"
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** spoiler omitted **
On Saturday, I was GMing the spoiler end scenario. The 9 year old is again playing, but this time he had made his own warrior and had been sure to get a grappling hook and rope. Well we get to one of the encounters and one of the monsters is up on a ledge that the party was having trouble getting to. The halfling cavalier had finally got up there and had the monster down to just a couple hit points. The 9 year old again had hooked onto the monster. On his next turn he does a CMB check and pulls the monster off the ledge, causing 3 fall damage to it and finishing it off. So from now on our local PFS group will have a story about how somebody killed a monster with a grappling hook.
In the same scenario, I was playing my Level 2 monk playing up. And the the following things happened:
Barbarian - "I intimidate the crowd"
NPC - "NO."
Laughter ensues
Guards - "What are you doing?" A sword was drawn.
Me - "Eep."
By the time the AMAZING RONDO came up to me, I was surrounded by 5 guards. Not knowing what to do, people suggested I go into total defense.
- OOC Player whispering to Player with the AMAZING RONDO, "You should Color Spray them..."
- Laughter, then AMAZING RONDO, "I cast Color Spray!"
- Me, "What is Color Spray?"
- The whole table bursts into laughter and explains to me what it was.
- Me, "Wait, WHAT?!!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
- Rondo, "Make a will save" He is still laughing off of it.
- Me, "Crap........19?...I made it? I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!!!"
And with that, the one who failed the save was the guard with the weapon.
Then people said that there might be good items inside the room and reconsidered heading back in to finish off the alchemist. I sighed for heading out and went back in.
After that, the DM informed us that we were out of time and the party can choose to leave the room. So after I walked back in, everyone again decided to head out of the room.
- Me, "Oh now you decided to head out.."
- Everyone went their initiatives.
- DM, "Alchemist's Turn......He tosses a bomb at the only person inside the room" Stares at me.
- Me, "Oh thanks guys...well crap...." My character drops and begin dying.
- Everyone, "Ok, now is a good time to head back in. We got a body."
- Me, "You guys just hate my character, do you?"
- "...Maybe?"
That scenario was one that everyone had a good time playing.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
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sigh... I alway figure the best stories are behind the spoilers I don't get to peek in.
"Eyes" is in my future (one 12th lvl and several more almost there).
Good to hear Nosig -- Eyes is a blast!
Once you play through it, you'll have to come back and dip into all these Eyes spoilers.
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I've had some pretty entertaining adventures, but none of them compare to how we finished Frozen Fingers in an hour and a half.
I'd like to start this out by describing our table:
Sorcerer 1
Wizard 1
Cleric 1 - (Cayden Cailean)
Witch 1
Sorcerer 2 - me
So, my 16 HP gnome sorcerer was our de facto tank, in a scenario filled with enemy barbarians.
We're talking to the guards outside of Skelg's house, and we're doing our best to get past them without fighting (due to us having no melee fighters, or tanks). We manage to convince one of the guards to have a race to the end of the block with our wizard, when they get about half-way to the end, our cleric trips the other guard, then we all run inside, slam the door and cast "hold portal." After noticing we left him to die, our wizard cast "grease," in front of the guard he was racing, then took off down an alley after the guy blew his reflex save.
After getting the mission from Skelg, and meeting up with the wizard, we headed to the warehouse. After a few minutes of searching for a way in, we gave up, and, at the cleric's suggestion, went to get a drink at the local tavern. 6-7 Rounds later, the cleric and my sorcerer, were completely hammered, and decided it would be a great idea to "serenade" the room with the Andoran national anthem. Somewhere between the third and seventh verse, the cleric decided the best way to celebrate freedom was to take his pants off, and light them on fire.
Needless to say, we're banned from that particular tavern.
After getting pitched out on the street, our cleric did the best/worst possible thing, and walked up to the guards outside the warehouse. The conversation went something like this:
Cleric: I-I seem to have lost my pants, could I come inside and change?
Guard 1: No, get the hell out of here.
Cleric: Come on you guys, you wouldn't leave a man of god out here in the cold? (Rolled a 19 diplomacy).
Guard 2: Well okay, but these guys need to stay outside.
Me: But we're his pants carrying entourage, how do you expect him to have the right kind of pants if we're not there? (Rolled a 20)
Guard 1: My mistake, go on in.
We walk past all the enemies, and into the back office where whatshisname is. The conversation went exactly like this:
Him: Who the Hell are you?! And why does that dwarf have no pants?
Me: We're, uh, a cadre of male strippers who came celebrate your birthday. The dwarf is just a little excited, and got started early. (Rolled another 20)
At this point the GM is losing his s$&%, trying not to burst out laughing. The party gets inside the room, bars the door, draws the curtains, then I cast color spray. The guy rolls a 1 on his will save, passes out, we tie him up, gag him, and the cleric steals his pants.
Unfortunately, now we have to get past all the guys outside... that's when the cleric has an idea. He called all the minions together, in order to bless them for their hospitality. Two color sprays later, the encounter was over.
The rest of the scenario played out normally, kinda. My sorcerer did successfully hit on Natalya, but that's one you needed to be there for.
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There was a pretty good one the other day...
The conversation went something like this:
Gnome who is actually a demon: "Help me!"
Tengu (in gnomish): "What do you need?"
Demon after hesitating for a moment: "HELP ME!"
Tengu (again in gnomish): "What do you need?"
Then the demon gave up and ordered his minions to attack.
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That damned creature promised my Goblin he was the world's greatest horse-meat chef and would supply him 2 free horses per month for life (because 2 is better than 1). Unfortunately for the rest of the party, they were too late in stopping it from being freed.
On the plus side, I have a note on the chronicle that I get two free horses to eat per month for the remaining years (days?) of my Goblin's life.
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In an effort to obtain passage through a hostile guardpost, the illusionist gnome summons a illusory white dragon overhead and the party scatters amid the chaos.
Two encounters later, we find ourselves fighting a white dragon.
And the look of glee on the GM's face finally made sense.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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On Saturday, I was GMing the spoiler end scenario. The 9 year old is again playing, but this time he had made his own warrior and had been sure to get a grappling hook and rope. Well we get to one of the encounters and one of the monsters is up on a ledge that the party was having trouble getting to. The halfling cavalier had finally got up there and had the monster down to just a couple hit points. The 9 year old again had hooked onto the monster. On his next turn he does a CMB check and pulls the monster off the ledge, causing 3 fall damage to it and finishing it off. So from now on our local PFS group will have a story about how somebody killed a monster with a grappling hook.
I did the same thing in "The Devil We Know: Part III" with a chain of perdition. The fall didn't kill her, but landing next to the Fighter sure did.
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I was lucky enough to get into We Be Goblins smash and burn at Paizocon this weekend. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.
We snuck into Sandpoint by piling all the goblins up under a cloak, and pretending to be a drunk. Thanks to an amazingly high roll (despite not even the rogue having ranks in disguise) we were greeted kindly and let inside, though some comments were made about our intoxication!
We came across a necklace of fireballs (perfect) and managed to blow up the mayor without realizing, and a few townsfolk (with realizing).
Finally, we fought the final hound archons. Rita lost her bow in a cart that was subsequently incinerated, and couldn't bypass the archon's DR in melee, so she decided to grapple it! She rolled high, and it works! I kept on two-handing my frog-flail, and on her next turn she went for the pin, and rolled high again! This tiny goblins jumped on the angel's head, and dragged him to the ground for my final blow. Even the GM was laughing :D
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That damned creature promised my Goblin he was the world's greatest horse-meat chef and would supply him 2 free horses per month for life (because 2 is better than 1). Unfortunately for the rest of the party, they were too late in stopping it from being freed.
On the plus side, I have a note on the chronicle that I get two free horses to eat per month for the remaining years (days?) of my Goblin's life.
Short of PVP my 7 strength wizard had no chance of pulling you off that circle. You were pretty dead set on busting that circle down, even if the party was there.
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It seems to be a common theme in The Disappeared that players use the bluff of looking for the jakes when questioned by the NPCs.
At my last run of it at PaizoCon, the PCs ended up returning to the holding room at the exact moment the ambassador arrived.
Ambassador: *shuts door*
PCs: *shuts door*
*long pause*
Ambassador: Why were you out there?
Rogue: Looking for the bathroom!
Gunslinger (whose player was rather inebriated): Yeah! We couldn't find the damn thing! *pisses in the corner*
Ambassador: *disgusted look* Give me whatever you've brought and GET OUT OF MY EMBASSY!
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Whilst playing the pre-gen cleric Kyra, the GM determined that for this mission she was of the Taldor faction.
Thankfully, the GM, who did a rather terrifying impersonation of the hooker, took pity on me and announced that the mission was successful.
