Funniest PFS moments?


Pathfinder Society

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Liberty's Edge

We Be Goblins Too!

spoiler:
As poog I decide it is a great idea to shoot a fireball into the first combat to kill the crazy boar. I figured everyone in combat could make the reflex save for my fireball wand. What I did not figure was that the Necklace of Fireballs WOULD save, or even better yet that it had existed at all. One party wipe later Poog returned to the village as the new chief.

Sovereign Court

Fromper wrote:
Speaking of pits...

Our group was attacked by an adamantine golem. Our wizard created a fire pit (probably an acid pit with the acid changed to fire, my memory of how he did it is a little fuzzy). The golem failed its reflex save and couldn't make the climb check burning 'till it died at the bottom of the pit, but leaving a beautiful but toasty corpse when the spell expired.


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Played a Dwarf with few social skills. (Or is that redundant?)
Another PC was a Cleric who liked to seduce men, using his buffs & healing as barter.

We discover some old lava tubes and my Dwarf, appreciative of the underworld wonder, breaks into a monologue describing the beauty of the caves:
"Hot liquid would churn through these tubes, spouting out everywhere."
"The previous owners stuffed their most precious bits down here, as deep as they could. Repeatedly."
"When they erected the tower above..."
And so forth, until the table was rolling, and the other PCs were staring at him wide-eyed.
"What? You all seem so shocked at something."

:)


So, here's the story of a time that my kitsune sorcerer almost soloed the Blackrose Matrimony scenario. How? Shear diplomacy and ...charm. Charm Person specifically. Don't worry, the other players had a lot of fun too.

Spoiler:
My character had a 15 in diplomacy and the gregarious racial ability, so he breezed through most of the diplomatic encounters for the party. It was a good thing too, since he was the only person in the party with any ranks in that skill I think.

Things got hilarious when the bride was kidnapped though. We eventually caught up to her twin and the barbarians she was working with. My character, wanting to avoid harming or upsetting the bride's twin sister had the party stand in front of him so no one would see as he began casting Silent Charm Person. Five times. He charmed the twin sister, the oracle leader, and all of his minions (in that order). They repeatedly failed every perception check and saving throw. Only the very last one began to realize that something was wrong, but my character beat his initiative and charmed him as well before combat could start. :D

Then my character requested that they please return the bride. We almost decided to take our new friends the barbarians back with us as well. I wish we had... because then maybe with them we would have actually managed to beat the Shadow Demon and all his minions (high tier). We couldn't damage the thing well enough, so we ended up running. Maybe with some help from that oracle we would have won, and then I really could have claimed that my character soloed the scenario ;)

Silver Crusade

Glass River Rescue:
First encounter, with the guards, my Zen Archer is standing on a pile of boxes near the docks. Initiative come,s and I one shot a guard. "Woo!" I shout, and then another player notes "Yes! I killed a guard oh wait what?"

One guy, seeing all his comrades dead, turns and runs off the side of the ship. Our fighter follows and belly flops into the water. I run off the side of the ship and sucessfully drop-kick him. When we get back up, we cast off, and arrows are shot at us.

Since I'm a good roleplayer, I ran to the back of the ship and shouted:

"Just send those cards and letters to: Nesod the Monkchinegun, courtesy of the Pathfinder Society! Don't shoot arrows, just send money!"

When we meet up with the illusory horse Ed, I am nearly killed before I realize it's an illusion, and then the person with me (a gnome sorcerer) jumps on my back and starts strangling me. In the inn, hearing all the commotion, the old ladies point at our fighter and ask "wha-"

Our fighter replies "You get used to it after a while."

The last thing of note was that our inquisitor failed his will save to notice Ed was an illusion even when I was DANCING INSIDE OF HIM!!! And then rocks fell and almost killed NEsod again."

Grand Lodge

nosig wrote:

At a game yestorday, we had a visually impaired player show up with his braille character sheets. It was great!

Best comment from the judge:
"I audited his PC and couldn't find one issue with it!"

I think that was me. I remember remarking that "his character was a bit bumpy in places."

Shadow Lodge

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Alright, before we start I'm going to give you the run down of our party.

1. Zaigon - level 2 Aasimar paladin of Torag, high charisma, high strength, intelligence of 7. Think of the lawful stupidest paladin you've ever seen, then make him worse and you have a good picture of this guy.

2. Dave - level 2 Half-orc barbarian, int of 7, wisdom of 7, strength of 20. Standard barbarian stuff.

3. Bareck "Band-aids" Anderson - level 1 Human cleric of Sarenrae, intelligence of 14. Only sane man.

4. Isaac Asimov - level 1 Human Chelaxian fighter, gets made fun of by the Paladin for being Chelaxian. Decent guy, until he snaps.

5. Hurples the Clueless - level 1 69 year old Rahadoumi ranger, with a beard that would put most dwarves to shame, alcoholism to match, and dementia. Currently ~0.1 on the Henderson scale.

6. Flynn Cafferey - level 1 human rogue, appointed himself defacto leader (without the party's consent) by virtue of having a good mixture of all stats. He's guy what sneak real good.

Here there be massive spoilers for Severing Ties, also mildly NSFW:

Prequel:
The Flynn, Isaac, and Herples had a three-way brawl to determine who got to be Shadow Tongue. The rogue managed to win, only because he was hold the badge at the moment the cleric and paladin intervened.

Act 1 - Scene 1: In the middle of the briefing with Jenk, the Herples decided he was bored and wandered off to go watch clouds. It took the rest of the party 3 hours to find him.

Act 1 - Scene 2: With Herples finally back in tow, the party decided to head to the temple of Calistra first. At the brothel, Herples and Isaac immediately walked off with the first prostitutes they could find, resulting in them both contracting red ache fever (which they referred to as AIDS for the rest of the adventure.), with an onset time of one day.

While waiting for them to, ahem, "finish," the rest of the party recovered the dagger, then enjoyed Shorafa's hospitality and each had the first of many drinks.

Act 2 - Scene 2: It was late afternoon by the time they made it to the tavern temple of Cayden Cailean. The drinking contest was already in full swing by the time they got there, with Herples' encouragement everyone joined in, which resulted in everyone except Herples getting covered in ale. Rather than taking the mug so they could leave, Herples gave in to his alcoholism and took the bottle of brandy (which he promptly traded for a bottle of vodka.)

After getting eliminated due to horrible rolls, the Zaigon and Dave challenged Overseer Rolf to a drinking contest for the mug (rather than ya know, TALKING to him.) Which went about as well as could be expected, considering Rolf was 8th level, and they were 2nd and 1st respectively.

After watching Zaigan take dive, Isaac decided to take revenge for all the names, all the taunting, and all the insults to his homeland; by taking a page from the frat boy playbook and drawing penises all over Zaigan's face (-2 circumstance bonus to all bluff, intimidate, and diplomacy checks.)

Band-Aids, proving that he really was the only intelligent person in the group, decided to fill Rolf in on their situation and politely ask him for the mug. He was more than happy to oblige, and the group was soon ready to be on their way, only they had one two problems; the paladin and barbarian were still passed out on the floor of the bar.

After stealing a wheelbarrow, the group managed to load up the two, and cart them off to the temple of Besmara.

Act 1 - Scene 3: After about 6-ish hours of travel (carrying 400+ lbs of party members halfway across the city is tough, even with a wheelbarrow), they finally arrived at the temple to Besmara. Tired from walking, Isaac curled up for a quick nap, then was able to shake Zaigon and Dave awake and send them towards the temple.

Combat went about as well as could be expected, Zaigan absorbed blows while giving 0 f*+#s, Flynn got poisoned and took 6 points of strength damage, and Herples wandered off to take a swim.

Since it was about 3-4 in the morning when the party finished their business at fishbowl, they all decided to bed down for the night (except Herples and Isaac who stayed up drinking and swapping "war" stories, and Zaigan who washed the penises off his face and polished his armor) and take the artifacts back to Jenk in the morning.

Act 2 - Scene 1:
The new day dawned bright, and with it the ever present threat of AIDS reared its ugly head. Since I didn't want Isaac and Herples taking the damage immediately, I told them the onset was almost exactly 24 hours, which left them with roughly 6-7 hours left to complete the mission.

Unlike the last time, this meeting with Jenk passed uneventfully. Unfortunately, this was the calm before the storm.

Act 2 - Scene 2:
After receiving a mission to destroy the cultists' safe house, the party came to a conclusion. This mission was too important to be carried out sober.

Herples broke out his 200GP vodka, chugged most of it, then poured the rest onto his beard for "later." Zaigan (not learning his lesson from last time) went straight for the ale. While Dave, Isaac, and Flynn all drank whatever was cheapest. Band-Aids, once again, demonstrated his good sense and stayed sober.

Roughly an hour later (3-ish hours until the onset of red ache), they emerged from the bar and headed to the abandoned tattoo parlor.

Act 2 - Scene 3:
Arriving at the tattoo parlor, Isaac had a revelation. The penises he had drawn on Zaigan's face the night before had one major flaw; they could be washed off. With help from Flynn, and Band-Aids (who were both mad at the paladin for unrelated reasons), he convinced Zaigan to accept a special "demon slaying" tattoo (many, many, penises). At this point the guy playing Zaigan start to protest, but I reminded him that he had an intelligence of 7, a wisdom of 10, and was currently blasted out of his mind.

After waiting for the tattoo to be finished (<1 hour until red ache), and a successful fort save vs. tetanus, the party headed down to the cultist's lair.

Act 3 - Scene 1:
The party broke through the trap door, and headed straight to the Basilisk's lair. After blowing a perception check, and a fort save, Flynn was turned to stone. The party took the Basilisk down pretty quickly, however, rather than let it die the cleric brought it conscious again.

Why? Because Dave wanted to ride it.

After several amazing Handle Animal and Ride checks from Dave, (who, for some reason, had them both trained) he began to ride it.

Act 3 - Scene 2:
During the brawl with the Basilisk, Zaigan got a good view of the "demon fighting tattoos," and broke from combat to immediately bullrush Isaac. Not wanting to kill a party member, even a hated one, Isaac dropped his longsword and pulled out a dagger.

2 rounds, and the most nat 20s I've ever seen from one person later, Zaigan was on the ground.

This is the world Flynn woke up to when the Basilisk blood finally took effect: Dave riding a Basilisk, Isaac standing over Zaigan holding a bloody knife, Band-Aids smashing his face into a wall repeatedly, and Herples sucking on his beard.

After waking up to such a world there is only one appropriate response, bursting into tears and pooping yourself.

Act 3 - Scene 3:
The sabotage of the base went fairly well, a few notable incidents include:

1. Zaigan getting coated in sewage after breaking open the pipe.
2. Isaac needing to go through 12 whips before finding the correct one.
3. Herples taking a dump in the incense, then sticking his badge in it.
4. The group collectively pissing on all the food, then drinking all the booze.
and last, but not least,
5. Sending the Basilisk running through cultists' gathering, while trailing a banner reading "Aspis roolz."

I can only imagine what their report to Heidmarch sounded like...

Fin

So that's the story of Severing Ties. As I type this I'm trying to decide whether I should call these guys together twice a week, or whether I should delete their numbers, change my email address, and never speak to them again.

Sovereign Court

DiskElemental wrote:

So that's the story of Severing Ties. As I type this I'm trying to decide whether I should call these guys together twice a week, or whether I should delete their numbers, change my email address, and never speak to them again.

These people are golden. Don't allow them to stop.

Sovereign Court 5/5 5/5

Pathfinder Starfinder Society Subscriber
DiskElemental wrote:
Alright, before we start I'm going to give you the run down of our party...

That was an amazing story :-)

I shudder to think what would happen at high level, but I would love to hear about the party's continuing exploits!

Scarab Sages

nosig wrote:


what's the camels name? Sopwith?

No, as it happens, his name is Lot. Think about it for a second....

Shadow Lodge

Running Gods Market Gamble

spoiler:
the Cart was tipped over blocking their way and for whatever reason the druid in the Party assumed it was a trap and that the 2 arguing Merchants were the cause ... Proceeded to Run forward ... grab 2 of the Clucking Chickens and start waving them around to make a cloud of feathers ... the term Nun-chickens or Chicken-Chucks had me laughing all the way home from the Convention.

The Exchange 5/5 5/5 Venture-Lieutenant, Texas—Dallas & Ft. Worth aka Belafon

I had a short and sweet one last month. In the middle of a fight with a LOT of mind-affecting being thrown around. Our magus who had been doing most (all) of the damage for our party successfully spellcrafted the confusion being cast by an enemy. Too bad he failed his save. We are all sure we are now moments away from death.

On his first round the roll comes back as "act normally." Without hesitation he walks through the loathsome veil that had taken most of the enemies out of the fight and says "I look at the veil, voluntarily fail my saving throw, and enjoy the vomitious taste of victory."

Grand Lodge 5/5

DiskElemental wrote:

Alright, before we start I'm going to give you the run down of our party.

1. Zaigon - level 2 Aasimar paladin of Torag, high charisma, high strength, intelligence of 7. Think of the lawful stupidest paladin you've ever seen, then make him worse and you have a good picture of this guy.

2. Dave - level 2 Half-orc barbarian, int of 7, wisdom of 7, strength of 20. Standard barbarian stuff.

3. Bareck "Band-aids" Anderson - level 1 Human cleric of Sarenrae, intelligence of 14. Only sane man.

4. Isaac Asimov - level 1 Human Chelaxian fighter, gets made fun of by the Paladin for being Chelaxian. Decent guy, until he snaps.

5. Hurples the Clueless - level 1 69 year old Rahadoumi ranger, with a beard that would put most dwarves to shame, alcoholism to match, and dementia. Currently ~0.1 on the Henderson scale.

6. Flynn Cafferey - level 1 human rogue, appointed himself defacto leader (without the party's consent) by virtue of having a good mixture of all stats. He's guy what sneak real good.

** spoiler omitted **...

Epic doesn't begin to explain the epicness of this story. I think they need to meet our local Frat boy ragechemist :)

Shadow Lodge 4/5 Venture-Captain, California—San Francisco Bay Area South & West aka JohnF

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
nosig wrote:


what's the camels name? Sopwith?
No, as it happens, his name is Lot. Think about it for a second....

That is a silly name.

Sovereign Court

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John Francis wrote:
I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
nosig wrote:


what's the camels name? Sopwith?
No, as it happens, his name is Lot. Think about it for a second....

That is a silly name.

What's wrong with a biblical name for a camel? :-)

The Exchange 5/5

1 person marked this as a favorite.
John Francis wrote:
I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
nosig wrote:


what's the camels name? Sopwith?
No, as it happens, his name is Lot. Think about it for a second....

That is a silly name.

It's just a model...


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Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Played The Dalsine Affair last night, and I know a lot of people find this mod savage but we had a great time!

On trying to enter the Dalsine Manor (and finding two lots of guards lined up at the gate):

Amongst other spoiler-linked stuff, our cavalier proceeded to don a masterwork fake beard (and I quote here, "all Taldan nobles have beards!") and strutted up to the guards with my well disguised ninja staring at the cavalier in awe muttering "look at the beard! a true sign of nobility! you must respect the beard… etc". Several newer players at the table seemed to be in fits.

We aced our Bluff checks, they let us through without a struggle! We now call ourselves the Order of the Beard, much to the cavalier's annoyance. And my PC immediately went out and bought a beard.

Respect the Beard.

And then there's We be Goblins. I was playing Chuffy, and during the snail eating contest two of us deliberately ate the poison sacs from the snails, and proceeded to flank-vomit the chieftains lickspittle.

Flank-vomit is now a keyphrase for us..

Grand Lodge

FanaticRat wrote:
Since I've become increasingly frustrated with PFS games recently, why not just have a thread about the funny moments we've had in them? I mean you guys gotta have some good stories, right?

When the funniest adventuring events I took part in was the rescue of a bungling burglar. Being of low-level 1 or 2 I was acting as lookout for our newest burglar to our party (and a brand-new player to the game) It was a simple mission to get his feet wet and try out his new character, go into a rich merchant home and steal his money box. Needless to say he was discovered by the merchant who proceeded to attack the low-level burglar after a weak attempt to talk his way out of the incriminating position. Upon hearing commotion from the upset merchant in the plaintive cries of the assailed burglar my character sprang into action. Being of less than good alignment I decided to create a distraction and set the roof of the offending merchant’s house on fire. Still fighting the merchant and burglar were in a tactical stalemate. This position was unfortunate the house was burning up around them to prevent the death of my new player in his burglar I alerted the local residents of the impending disaster of the fire and started a bucket brigade. After getting good rhythm going with the local peasantry to put out the merchants house I grabbed an extra bucket ran in to the flaming building shoved the bucket into the hands of the now disabled and thoroughly beaten burglar and herded him inconspicuously into the bucket line thus making our escape. The effect of this gaming experience was lively and I introduced a person to a new form of entertainment.

Are there any other good escape plans out there?

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps Subscriber

Playing Masks of the Living God, we had some truly epic "wait, what????" moments.

I was playing Adelaide Aksin, a Very Not A Nice Lady At All Elf magus with a fondness for critting a shocking grasp from invisibility as a way to start fights. (Where would I have seen THAT before, I wonder?).

So we're in a bar, having a conversation that doesn't add up to good relations between Her Haughtiness and the folks we were speaking with. Fine. This group seems to be serious kind of problem, let's start cutting them down to size, she thinks...

The vanish, sneak, spell combat plan seems to be going great, the crit.... shows a lot of low numbers. Stupid mook survives.

The nagaji paladin of Iomedae doesn't interfere as the folks we're talking to quite justifiably beat Adelaide down and capture her, convincing her after her conviction that she really needs to join their side and earn her life....

The paladin meanwhile winds up in stir, naked, having the perfect standoff of a staring contest....

hijinks continue until finally, we've found the stuff we need to know and the place has come angrily alive behind us... so Adelaide pulls out a scroll of fly, activates her levitation hex, and we go sailing out a window with the Nagaji carrying some of us and Adelaide bobbing along behind hanging onto his cloak.

A few levels later, she graduated to an improved familiar and met Conscience, her lyrakien azata prosthetic conscience. Many blows of FVP combat are struck within their square.

Dark Archive 4/5 Regional Venture-Coordinator, Upper Midwest aka Silbeg

I have a couple of fun ones from recent games,

In one, Magnus, my SC paladin (who is from a Taldan minor noble family who doesn't quite realize that Aroden is dead) was struggling in a fight, having rolled 5 consecutive 5s to hit. Another player at the table reminds me that he needs his battle cry (having seen him in action before). So, on his next action, he calls out, "For the Last Azlanti!" What do you know, but he has a resounding hit!

In another game that weekend, we all learned why Magnus is a little confused, when we met his twin sister, Talia, self-proclaimed Paladin or Cleric of Aroden. Actually, she is a Battle Oracle, but claims her power come from the fallen patron of humanity. To her shock, she had to heal a farmer's cow (something far beneath her true blue Taldan noble blood), which had been attacked by rabid dogs. She strongly suggested that no one should ever talk about that!

Shadow Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Michael Meunier wrote:
*Running QFP Part 3. PArty realizes they're fighting tengu. They want to set up traps for the tengu. Someone gets the idea of gathering up all the cats in town and placing them in a box to be sprung on the poor bird people. We now have running references to the Cat Swarm trap (note: I NEVER want to face this :P ).

I was the Magus at this table, and I've taken the liberty of statting out the Cat Swarm for you. :) The fact that they're now "fine" for some reason makes this more of a Kitten Swarm...

Cat Swarm:

Cat Swarm CR 1/4
XP 100
N Fine animal [swarm]
Init +2; Senses low-light vision, scent; Perception +5

DEFENSE
AC 20, touch 20, flat-footed 18 (+2 Dex, +8 size)
hp 3 (1d8–1)
Fort +1, Ref +6, Will +1

OFFENSE
Speed 30 ft.
Melee swarm 1d6
Space 10 ft.; Reach 0 ft.

STATISTICS
Str 1, Dex 19, Con 8, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 7
Base Atk +0; CMB +0; CMD 6 (cannot be tripped)
Feats Ability Focus (Distraction)
Skills Climb +5, Perception +5, Stealth +16; Racial Modifiers +4 Climb, +4 Stealth

Special Attacks
Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the cat swarm’s damage that begins its turn with a cat swarm in its square is nauseated for 1 round. A Fortitude saving throw (DC 11) negates the effect. Even with a successful save, spellcasting or concentrating on spells within the area of a cat swarm requires a Concentration check (DC 20 + spell level). Using skills requiring patience and concentration requires a Will save (DC 20).

Liberty's Edge

Darn near every time I've had the honor of sharing a virtual table with a PC named XigXag, a gnome oracle/cleric/sorcerer with a Badger companion, which is 3 or 4 times now.

He's brash, always on the lookout for trouble, and calls it like he sees it. GMs fear him, both for his ability to control, and his creativity.

One example, during the last scenario I played with him, his medium badger, Arrow, had fly cast on him; he then raged, and with the help of XigXag, he was airlifting other PCs in a 3D combat situation. It was beyond hysterical.

Another funny situation, not with XigXag, was during the Shadow Lodge special:

Spoiler:
During the Shadow Lodge special, when it was run online, my group in the 3-4 tier were waiting around for the upper level folks to deal with some dragons. We were speculating on how the dragons were carrying so many goblins into the colosseum. We landed on the hypothesis that dragons must have marsupial-like pouches, like kangaroos. The vision of hordes of goblins dropping out of dragon pouches onto the field of battle is as funny as it is terrifying. Since then, I've taken von Dragonpouch as a surname for some of my PFS PCs

Shadow Lodge 5/5 5/5 Venture-Captain, North Carolina—Eastern Region aka Nick Baumeister

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Just last night I was running City of Strangers Part 2 when...

My players wished to visit Miss Feathers again. One of the players had not been around for part 1 and the others refused to tell him how they knew Miss Feathers. After 5+ minutes of having every hint thrown his way (from the subtle "Hey handsome." to the more blatant "Normally I don't give my services for free.") and having used every last double entendre in my repertoire (even resorting to using "I'd like to double his entendre" as an aside to another player) the other players end up telling him Miss Feather's occupation. Upon discovering that he has been engaging in sexual innuendo with a male prostitute, the player then says "I unsheathe my sword." I lost it. The whole table lost it. The poor guy sat there the whole time wondering why we were all laughing.

Another story, I was playing We Be Goblins and our Chuffy player spent the game going out of his way to try to break line of sight so he could stealth. Not just in situations where it would be an awesome idea. EVERY possible situation. If you asked us what kind of ice cream we wanted, you would get "Chocolate", "Vanilla", Mint-Chocolate Chip" and "Can I duck behind the counter and make a stealth check?". But it was worth it when:

Spoiler:
In We Be Goblins Too!, we were put into the pie I got to hear him ask "Is there enough gravy to give me a stealth check?"


DiskElemental wrote:

Alright, before we start I'm going to give you the run down of our party.

1. Zaigon - level 2 Aasimar paladin of Torag, high charisma, high strength, intelligence of 7. Think of the lawful stupidest paladin you've ever seen, then make him worse and you have a good picture of this guy.

2. Dave - level 2 Half-orc barbarian, int of 7, wisdom of 7, strength of 20. Standard barbarian stuff.

3. Bareck "Band-aids" Anderson - level 1 Human cleric of Sarenrae, intelligence of 14. Only sane man.

4. Isaac Asimov - level 1 Human Chelaxian fighter, gets made fun of by the Paladin for being Chelaxian. Decent guy, until he snaps.

5. Hurples the Clueless - level 1 69 year old Rahadoumi ranger, with a beard that would put most dwarves to shame, alcoholism to match, and dementia. Currently ~0.1 on the Henderson scale.

6. Flynn Cafferey - level 1 human rogue, appointed himself defacto leader (without the party's consent) by virtue of having a good mixture of all stats. He's guy what sneak real good.

** spoiler omitted **...

My severing Ties story isnt as good.

Spoiler:
We where playing with the pregens, but one lady took Valeros and made him a guy in drag, and we had a female ranger. So we are walking up to the Brothel and the GM bursts out laugh "We have 3 women and a guy in drag being lead into a brother by an Old man with a Cane"W
How do we get in? "Oh, I have these Ladies to sell the the Matron" exren says.

4/5

Okay - I'll just say ironic.

Ran a year one module. First encounter of all PC's there, the Paladin failed his save(s) and contracts leprosy... Lay on Hands anyone? You'll just need to make a Fort save...

Silver Crusade

One of the players in the party was a Gnome Sorcerer, who wanted to kill and maim everything he met. When he was finally asked his alignment, it turned out he was Neutral Good.

The Exchange

Forget the name of the mod, but we perceive some trapped floor in the corridor in front of us, and decide to jump over one by one. First guy across jumps, revealing an illusionary wall with a petrifying creature behind it. He fails save in mid air, crashes to far side, breaking into hundreds of pieces of stone. Bad ju-ju.

Dark Archive

DMing a session that has the party needing to adopt a stealthy approach to a ship. Summoner in party (with a winged eidolon) immediately takes to the air on its back, flying up more than high enough to be seen. ... Right beside the ship and long before the rest of the party had the chance to move into anything even remotely resembling good positioning.

Another fairly funny one was this gunslinger I used to play with. Actually, I've seen two different ones come through with this habit. One was chaotic neutral, the other was chaotic good. Both had this unusual habit of executing helpless creatures (NPC characters, not animals and the like), fallen foes and non-threatening NPCs alike. Both would do so and proceed to argue how their action was in no way evil. Meanwhile as the little girl one shot bleeds out on the floor.... >_>

Scarab Sages 2/5

Cannot remember the scenario, but the party (barbarian, gunslinger, witch, and cleric), faced a succubus with its 2 melee mooks. The demon dominates the barbarian, and used suggestion on the gunslinger to 'protect me at all costs'. The witch got vamp touched and flew off, the cleric went invisible and watched in horror as the succubus made out with the gunslinger, giving him like 5 neg levels over quite some time.

Eventually the cleric dispelled the domination, the barbarian rages and attacks the demon. Gunslinger proceeds to blast the barbarian into oblivion.

In the end, the barbarian died, the succubus died, and the gunslinger snapped and ran off into the jungle for a day. It was very intense and...and pretty entertaining

Dark Archive

Many good memories

The Taldor team checks into the zombie brothel. The DM skips to the next scene

I steal a potion from one guard, transfer it to my empty flask, fill it with water and deposit on unsuspecting individual. Then I tip off the guard..hey that guy stole your stuff. I slip by the guard during the fight.

4 ALU demons who are very friendly. The DM skips to the next scene

I spend a half hour trying to set a contract with a devil to liberate her from her superior. In exchange to be my friend for the next two weeks. It doesn't work as planned,.
We move to diplomacy part 3.

My lawyer uses his herald to make public service announcements.

My druid fires stirges into the evil guy, smiles and walks out the door.

Shadow Lodge

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From Feast of Sigils, the party was me as Taraclus, a NG tiefling magus/cleric of Sarenrae, an Aasimar paladin of Iomedae, and the pregens Kyra and Seoni. I have two moments:

Feast of Sigils:
When discussing who was carrying the bag of Sigil Wafers, the Paladin said he didn't mind who was holding it, as long as it was not him. Taraclus volunteered, and Paladin said "Yeah, let the tiefling carry them."

"Oh, so you're making the tiefling carry the evil cookies? When I get back to Absalom, I'm going to have a chat with Humanoid Resources! Wait, no, we're outsiders..."

Then, later, he was figuratively speaking to the Paracountess (Yes, the NG cleric of Sarenrae works for Cheliax, he's had a lot of character development) about the lack of faction missions: "HA! Screw you, b$~+%! I don't have to do your sex toy shopping anymore!"

This was met with an odd look from the GM. After explaining Taraclus' backstory (he was enslaved in an early mission, and instead of buying his freedom, Zarta just purchased him and he is a specialized, highly independant servitor on loan to the Pathfinder Society), I said "Oh, don't worry, she screws him in different ways."

The the GM said "Oh, she screws EVERYBODY."

As a side note, I now have an awesome idea for R34 art of my character involving Zarta, Taraclus, bondage, and an Erinyes.


I've got a couple, from my orcish adventures in QFP Part 2: On Hostile Waters and The Frostfur Captives.

Frostfur Captives:
The party ranger (with his +4 or +5 diplomacy) was the best shot we had at making the goblins friendly to us, but he blew his rolls badly. A couple rolls at -2 later and I had improved the goblins to friendly. In our fights against other goblins I cemented our greenskin alliance by proving that I could win while only using my 1d4 bite attack to butcher the enemy forces. Because of the strong bond I shared with the toothy little *^&%# we (under my guidance and leadership) were able to avoid any major catastrophes with the full cooperation of our little green guys.

On Hostile Waters:
By this module I had gotten used to charging in and chomping on anything I could find, and when I saw a dirty, slimy slug climb onto our boat I thought nothing of it. One successful critical bite attack later the slug was shaken by my usurpation of the natural order of things ("It's the one supposed to be doing the biting, not you!") and my fighter was doubling over with whatever terrible sickness chomping a poisonous slug gave me.

Sovereign Court

My two weapon fighter, often called the lawnmower, is dominated by the Evil Vampire in the first round. Immediately followed by our docile Wizard dominating the Vampire. I spent the rest of the scenario at the Wizard's beck and call. I kept wishing that the Vampire had just killed me. :-)

Grand Lodge 5/5

The Morphling wrote:
Michael Meunier wrote:
*Running QFP Part 3. PArty realizes they're fighting tengu. They want to set up traps for the tengu. Someone gets the idea of gathering up all the cats in town and placing them in a box to be sprung on the poor bird people. We now have running references to the Cat Swarm trap (note: I NEVER want to face this :P ).

I was the Magus at this table, and I've taken the liberty of statting out the Cat Swarm for you. :) The fact that they're now "fine" for some reason makes this more of a Kitten Swarm...

** spoiler omitted **

I'd make them tiny and make the distraction into dazzled (by cuteness!)

Silver Crusade

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Frostfur Captives:
Our cleric had profession (herbalist) and stoned the goblins out of their minds for the duration for the adventure.

Scarab Sages

TetsujinOni wrote:


I was playing Adelaide Aksin, a Very Not A Nice Lady At All Elf magus with a fondness for critting a shocking grasp from invisibility as a way to start fights. (Where would I have seen THAT before, I wonder?).

I dunno - was it, perhaps, from playing a Stalker with Electrical Melee powers in City of Villains (PBUI)?

@lucky7: My Elven Alchemist did something similar at least once:

Spoiler:
In the scenario (I forget what it was called) with the kobolds underneath Oppara, we went to the theater to meet with that one kobold who enjoyed sneaking aboveground to attend. I forget whether I actually wound up doing this, but I at least offered to help make her more willing to talk to us by giving her a polypurpose panacea infusion.

Understand, this particular character of mine is an 'obsession-driven mad scientist' type with absolutely no social skills whatsoever, so he gets by sometimes by playing "candyman." Another example:

Spoiler:
In "The Blackros Matrimony", otherwise a very bad adventure for an asocial character to go on, I was able to score us the gratitude of the alcoholic Tian diplomat by giving him some Alchemist's Kindness (a hangover cure) I happened to have brewed. We wound up managing to get a perfect score with all the people whose favor we were supposed to curry, and my character's own usefulness, it turned out, didn't end with that incident: In the end, when that nasty Shadow Demon showed up, guess whose quiver happened to be full of cold iron arrows? The monster fled back to its home plane in the end, but we made it through!

The Exchange 5/5

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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Drunken session of We Be Goblins – As a troop of goblin miscreats, we are trying to climb up on top of something, but with inconsistent results.

Reta Bigbad has successfully climbed up. The rest of us fail a few climb checks and can’t figure out how to get up there. I am playing Chuffy and dig around in my kit and discover a grappling hook. Asking the other goblins on the ground with me, we discern that this is a tool for climbing, and I should chuck it up there so we can climb up. This sounds like an excellent plan.

I give a mighty heave and the grappling hook lands true.

The GM looks at me and asks if I tied rope to it first. “Rope? No, Chuffy not carrying rope. Chuffy carrying grappling hook for climbing, not need rope, have grappling hook.” We make a few more attempts and decide that climbing is not made easier by having grappling hook on top of climbing obstacle, and that maybe we need some rope to go with it.

It turns our Reta up there has some rope, and we decide that this is all going to work out okay if she will let us use the rope for climbing. “Reta, throw down the rope!” Reta’s player looks at us, looks at the GM, looks at us again, and throws us the rope - the whole rope. We all nearly died laughing.


March of Kalkemeides

Spoiler:
When we got to the temple and made it in we found the gnome ans the elf. I touch the thing(My ifrit does) And finds she can go in. She does.......The GM told use outsiders are stuck in there. The Gnome turns into the Deamon. So im a Lvl 1 stuck with a CR13 deamon. The best part? I had protection from evil. So the whole time we are just staring at eachother while my party fights.

5/5 5/55/55/5

The party is looking for evidence and needs to search a girls room. The house staff will only permit female party members upstairs. My gnome pushes the (male) tengu forward "Not like they can tell..."

Sovereign Court 5/5 RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8

Saturday, Ksenia is the level 7 load in a played up 7-11 (The Sarkonan Prophesies?)

*Gm plots Garganturan mini on the table, fight starts.*

GM: Ok, Matt, what's Ksenia doing?
ME: Depends, is soiling her pants a free action?


*The party comes upon a puzzle and no one can figure out what to do.*

Me: I punch it! *makes punching motion!*
GM: Uhh... Wait, that might have solved it let me check...

Ever since then I've just learned to punch puzzles I can't solve. Works out often enough.

Spoiler:
Made Borderlands 2 a lot more fun too. I played that a few months later. My face lit up with joy when I got to punch a frustrating puzzle in the face.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

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It took three tries, five blood points, and all the charges on a regular Persistent Spell Metamagic Rod, but the bloatmage managed to turn the final boss of The Elven Entanglement into a fluffy bunny rabbit. The rabbit managed to get off one last unholy blight before it got turned into a smear, but it was still a sadly ignoble death.

4/5

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
Matthew Morris wrote:

Saturday, Ksenia is the level 7 load in a played up 7-11 (The Sarkonan Prophesies?)

*Gm plots Garganturan mini on the table, fight starts.*

GM: Ok, Matt, what's Ksenia doing?
ME: Depends, is soiling her pants a free action?

I maintain that soiling oneself is an immediate action, as you can do so even on another person's initiative. ;-)

Sczarni

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Some vaguely amusing things:

Ever since grappling a goblin spellcaster to shut him down in a fight, my ranged rogue, Jean, has gained something of a reputation for jumping into melee and grappling someone. This has not only led to me making her motto "Fortune [and the dice] favors the bold," but I also credit myself with the invention of the ranged grapple. Enemies are too far away? Just throw a grappling hook at them and give it a good yank. GET OVER HERE!

We were fighting a cave fisher that was on a high ledge above us. After it almost one-shot the Druid's familiar (said druid has lost his familiar or almost lost his familiar SO MANY TIMES), we spent a couple of rounds throwing fire and arrows at it until this happens:

Player: "Well, too bad you can't grapple this one."
Me: "... I pull out my grappling hook."

Never did manage to hook the thing itself, but I ended up climbing after it into its lair, discovering it waiting to ambush us further down the tunnel. The fighter followed me and killed it. We looted the lair. It was phat.

Among other things, the fisher had apparently hooked someone wearing a Cloak of Resistance, once upon a time, and we salvaged it. At the party's insistence, we put the cloak on the fighter, and Jean was relegated to the back lines "where she belongs."

Then, as we are moving along a narrow mountain path and walk into a ghoul ambush, we discover that Jean is actually at the front of the party. The fighter, with his fancy fort saves and cloak of resistance, is at the very back.

Following the battle, Jean physically ripped the cloak from his shoulders. The cloak then proceeded to provide the +1 bump to precisely meet the next DC15 save.

To this day, I am convinced that Jean of Galt is the luckiest rogue in Golarion. True Strike and an Alchemist's Fire disrupts a shield wall long enough for Jean to spot the sorcerers preparing to bombard the party's position. A running kick sends a firebomb flying through the window the round it detonates. She just barely manages to tumble past a pair of toughs to provide a flanking bonus when the party gets surprised from behind. The list goes on.

Though there was the time she kind of led the party to freeing a captive Glabrezu. Even then she managed to fast-talk her way briefly into its service, past it as it blocked their way, and managed to catch the thrown CLW wand over its shoulder. Failed the UMD check, but it was close. That particular scenario is why she's taking levels in Sorcerer now.

We also have a rather famous horse. An encounter with some nasty gargoyles and only one way of piercing their resistance in the form of magically created slingshot ammo, the party only manages to knock chips out of the things.

Except the horse. I think it was the Cavalier pregen's horse? That horse almost killed a gargoyle on its own. The only reason it didn't is because someone stole the kill. Our party has come to value horses, ever since we saw one eating a gargoyle.

We also have two regular characters: Pell, the human Fighter/Samurai, and Dirk Lance, the gnome Bard. Pell is an okay guy. Andoran, not particularly good with words, but damn can he hold his own in a fight, even if he tends to do more damage with his shield than his sword. (In one scenario, he had three crits on his shield for every one with his sword.) Dirk Lance - pronounced DIRK LANCE, emphasis throughout - is described by his player as a pint-sized member of KISS. He likes to stand behind Pell and scream "MY FIGHTER FRIEND ISN'T AFRAID OF YOU!" Dirk has bailed Pell out of so many diplomatic blunders, even when he's not playing Dirk.

I've taken to thinking of him as Pell the Friendly. Pell, by the way, has spend at least one round of almost every scenario I've seen him in on fire. He doesn't even bother putting it out sometimes. We have spellcasters who have picked up Create Water just to cast on the flaming, screaming samurai as he charges the enemy in case he burns to death.

5/5 5/55/55/5

RainyDayNinja wrote:
It took three tries, five blood points, and all the charges on a regular Persistent Spell Metamagic Rod, but the bloatmage managed to turn the final boss of The Elven Entanglement into a fluffy bunny rabbit. The rabbit managed to get off one last unholy blight before it got turned into a smear, but it was still a sadly ignoble death.

Killer bunny!

3/5

This one last night from Voice in the Void

Spoiler:
In the party there was a barbarian and a paladin whom were getting rather friendly in a not-so-family-friendly way. When they found the body of one of the guards with the Cheliax faction mission inside a hollow wooden club the barbarian said: I pick up the club and swing it at a wall!

I figured with an 18 STR the barbarian could do some damage and split open the club.

Me: A lot of pictures and documents spill from the club.
Barbarian: Is it porn? Its totally porn! I grab all the pictures!
Paladin: What? Porn? Give me some of that too.

The next half hour was the two of them describing what they were going to do with it when they got back to the lodge (mostly siccing Zarta on their least favorite VCs).


BigNorseWolf wrote:
RainyDayNinja wrote:
It took three tries, five blood points, and all the charges on a regular Persistent Spell Metamagic Rod, but the bloatmage managed to turn the final boss of The Elven Entanglement into a fluffy bunny rabbit. The rabbit managed to get off one last unholy blight before it got turned into a smear, but it was still a sadly ignoble death.
Killer bunny!

Bet it would've gone down faster if you threw a holy hand grenade at it. Just have to pull the pin and count to three, 2 is too soon, four is too late, five is just out...

Liberty's Edge 5/5

RainyDayNinja wrote:
It took three tries, five blood points, and all the charges on a regular Persistent Spell Metamagic Rod, but the bloatmage managed to turn the final boss of The Elven Entanglement into a fluffy bunny rabbit. The rabbit managed to get off one last unholy blight before it got turned into a smear, but it was still a sadly ignoble death.

That's funny...I turned the same villain into the angriest duck in Kyonin. What a way to retire from the grunt pathfinder agent lifestyle!

5/5 5/55/55/5

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Start of a really deadly bonekeep run

Barbarian "grrr.. smash!"
Gnome to the barbarian: "Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine..."

1 dead barbarian later, the gnome is retreating through the cooridoor and winds up on the barbarians body, trying to claim the high ground

"I'm walking on sun shine, Oh oh...."

Shadow Lodge 5/5 5/5 Regional Venture-Coordinator, Northwest aka WalterGM

BigNorseWolf wrote:
RainyDayNinja wrote:
It took three tries, five blood points, and all the charges on a regular Persistent Spell Metamagic Rod, but the bloatmage managed to turn the final boss of The Elven Entanglement into a fluffy bunny rabbit. The rabbit managed to get off one last unholy blight before it got turned into a smear, but it was still a sadly ignoble death.
Killer bunny!

During a module involving quite a bit of evil outsiders, my druid accumulated a few polymorphed ice devils. He kept them after the game, so now his forest is protect by a handful of devil squirrels, rabbits, and weasels.

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