False factoids

[Sissyl]

Did IHIYC have something to do with the Spanish Armada? The answer will surprise you!

[Sunomono Slaad]

Sissyl purchased the upstate region of New York from the Iroquois Confederacy in exchange for 1.23 million sheets of LSD tabs.

Both sides remain uncertain who got the better bargain.

[GoatToucher]

Sunomono's lifelong mission was to find the reincarnation of Aroden: She who would rise up and once again take up the mantle of the dead god and lead mankind into a Golden Age.

He was successful. The child was delicious.

[Pulg]

El GoatToucher was the brains behind the Spanish Armarmalade, which was an attempt to thwart English expansion in the Caribbean by boiling Sir Francis Drake in sugar, along with a large quantity of grated orange peel.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Pulg was the guard on duty at the back gate right before the Fall of Constantinople.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Pulg once bet GoatToucher to [REDACTED]. Since then, GoatToucher has been making hair golems from the yearly samples Pulg now has to send him.

EDIT: and IHIYC is an early model of said hair golems.

[GoatToucher]

KG is not only the President of Hair Golems for Gnorcs, they are also a client!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

GoatToucher has eaten every pizza on this list.

[KahnyaGnorc]

IHIYC has BEEN every pizza on that list.

[GoatToucher]

Kahnya Gnorc is people! PEOPLE!!!

[Pulg]

GoatToucher's favourite song was 'Lady Marmalade', until someone told him they weren't actually singing 'Voulez-vous toucher cette chevre?'

[Sissyl]

Pulg's ready to believe you! Call 555-GHOST!

[KahnyaGnorc]

Sissyl is lost in time, surrounded by evil, and low on gas.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Don't know if anyone knows this but: due to KahnyaGnorc having atrocious habits, they are sometimes referred to as "Gnasty Gnorc" (which is also a rad skateboard trick).

[Captain Spalding]

The count is a party animal.

[Zahira Nefritovvy]

Captain Spalding has +2 Thundering Glorious Breasts.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Zahira Nefritovvy is of no relation with the Nefritovvies of the "S'Mores Incident" infamy.

[Wylliam Harrison]

KahnyaGnorc had been scamming the tax collectors last month.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Wylliam Harrison was permanently banned from Twitter and Facebook after it was discovered he had the ability to win arguments and change people's minds purely through logic, reason, and facts.

[JTDV]

I'm Hiding In Your Closet is allergic to face paint. That's why he uses meringue pie and black berries to achieve that look.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

JTDV likes to eat lead paint - you know, to give its digestive system a protective lining against all the uranium ore it also likes to eat.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

IHIYC knows this because he is JTDV's butt doctor.

[KahnyaGnorc]

The Count knows this because he's IHIYC's agent/test patient.

[Xavante]

KahnyaGnorc knows this because she winters in a luxury condo in a Bag of Holding stuffed up the Count's butt!

[Sergeant Baskerville]

Xavante coloring reflects his mood. He is very sad right now.

[JTDV]

Sergeant Baskerville used to run a flower shop. He lost business over time though as customers were not inclined to buy flowers that had been "pre-wee-wee'd".

[Pulg]

JDTV is the world's foremost player of the musical Ben Shapiro.

[GoatToucher]

Pulg is a world renowned Tifa Lockhart cosplayer.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

GoatToucher is a world renowned Myst Island cosplayer. Don't touch the green book...!

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

IHIYC cosplays as the Pagemaster and frequently touches the green book.

[R2-FU]

*BOOPBOOP-vrrkvrrkvrrkttktkt....*

*prints out glossy photo of Count Reiner Heydrich cosplaying as Betty Boop*

[JTDV]

R2-FU's undergarments are all made out of papier-mâché.

[Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian]

JTDV likes to eat teeth.

[Cluny the Scourge]

Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian studies flatulence up close and personal.

[KahnyaGnorc]

Cluny the Scourge lives a double life and secretly hangs out in bar as Fluffy the Huggable.

[Pulg]

KahnyaGnorc has a thriving Youtube channel where he DESTROYS pickled cabbage with LOGIC and FACTS.

[Nosferatu Fester Addams]

Pulg supplies the pickled cabbage.

[Grand Magus]

The following post is true.

[Captain Spalding]

Grand Magus dies her roots.

[Nosferatu Fester Addams]

Captain Spalding is actually only a private and her real last name is Cromer.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Nosferatu Fester Addams once ate an entire Gothic-style Lutheran church, stone by stone.

[Pulg]

IHIYC is the lead writer on the popular animation 'My Little Hasidic Pony'

[Xavante]

Pulg was assistant-double-blind-backup-lead choreographer for an action-intrigue-comedy flick about a band of elite all-Orthodox-Jew mercenaries: "You Can't Afford to Payois".

[KahnyaGnorc]

Xavante's wings are non-functioning, they are just there to fool you into thinking he can fly....

[JTDV]

KahnyaGnorc believed in flying until smacking face-first into a large oak...while singing, "I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sk—"
SMACK

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

JTDV can type upwards of 105 WPM on an old-fashioned typewriter using his mouthparts.

[KahnyaGnorc]

IHIYC's head-tentacles can play every part of a 100-piece orchestra, but prefer to play maracas.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

KahnyaGnorc can use any part of their body to play any number of different musical instruments. But chooses not to do that because KahnyaGnorc hates music.

[Belphegor]

Count Reiner tried to boogie down, but found it too lively.

[JTDV]

Belphegor was the first to invent doughnuts, but gave them the unfortunate name of crapholes. Thus he was forgotten in time and spent the rest of his days saying, "Hey, 'dough' 'nut' is a stupid name! It's not even a nut!"