Let's Play Calvinball!!

[Charles Scholz]

C&@%. Instead of gaining 3.1415926535897932384626433832795048841971693993751058209749445923078164062 862089986280348253421170679 points, I lose 1.732 points.

[Haladir]

Technical foul! Overly-precise calculation. Calvinball only uses three significant figures.

Other side takes possession of the rubber chicken.

[Charles Scholz]

Gang Tackle the posessor of the Rubber Chicken for 3 points.

[Haladir]

The bowler winds up and hurls the rubber chicken toward fifth base, the racketeer swings, but only clips its wing.

FOWL BALL!

[DJEternalDarkness]

2 Pi are squared in this conversation, everyone drink!

[drunken_nomad]

...this isnt Koolaid...

SPIT TAKE! pfffffffffffffffffffffffff!!!!

[gran rey de los stereo]

All those who spit out perfectly good "Koolaid" lose two horseshoes and go directly to jail (do not pass Go, do not collect $200).

[Charles Scholz]

The next three people who roll a 7 on 2d6 draw a chance card and do as it says.
No cheating.

2d6 ⇒ (3, 5) = 8

[Ensirio the Longstrider]

Change shape lets me sub in better dice.

2d10 ⇒ (7, 1) = 8

Darn!

Oh well. JAILBREAK TIME! Who's with me?!

[Schism]

Someone asked for a lockpick?
2d4 ⇒ (3, 1) = 4

[Ensirio the Longstrider]

SILENCE BREAKER! Everybody conga line!

[Old Doc Flumph]

Sorry, I called a tempory halt to all fun due to excessive heat. Everyone may now play again.

[Haladir]

I play the six of hearts on a triple letter square, then draw from the Chance deck. It reads, "Right Hand Blue."

You sank my battleship!

[Charles Scholz]

I gallop across the field of honor on my little pony for the score. 8 Points.

[Belphegor]

The wiffle-ball is now the only ball that can score.

[gran rey de los everything]

I wiffle a bowling ball with a 12-gauge. This allows me to make a 3-point basket, followed up by a 2-point conversion. GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!

[Zedda the Crass]

No Side, godshrammit!

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

Shramm THIIIIIIS!

Punts for a dangly.

HUZZAH!

The crowd goes wild!

The cheerleaders go wilder!!!!

Gene Wilder Meme says something snarky!!!!!!!

And,......victory is mine.....

[Captain Spalding]

Spanky's last goal is disallowed for using an unknown substance on his ball.
I say unknown, but we all know where he got it.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I claim the role of Butler! 51 points!

As My first act as Butler, I do It! 1000 points!

You can't fire me, I quit! TRIPLE ENTENTE SCORE!

[Ensirio the Longstrider]

I play my Chance card! LUXURY TAX! Everybody hand over 15% of your points!

[Haladir]

Wait! I know who did it!

It was Lord Licorice with top hat on the battleship!

BINGO!

[drunken_nomad]

Duck...
Duck...
GOOSE!

[Midgard Serpent]

The loose goose's goose is cooked.

[Haladir]

[Whistle]

Half time!

Air guitar solo!

[Rocks out]

[Dr. Flumphenstein]

HALF-TIME SHOW!

THE P-FLUMPH MOTHERSHIP LANDS IN THE FIELD!!!

THINGZ BE GETTIN' FLUMPHY!

[Old Doc Flumph]

LETS ROCK!

[The Balcony-Seat Hecklers]

"I don't understand. Who's winning?"

"No one - they've all lost it!"

Well, obviously, but how do you get points?

There is no point.

I think I get the point now - so I WIN!"

"D'OHHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

[Mater Slaad]

I bounce a softball off the Balcony-Seat Hecklers' heads. Two Points!

[drunken_nomad]

Reconvening off-sides allows the Away team to score one Connect Four and one palabrajot!

[Haladir]

I'll trade all of my points for what's behind Door Number Two.

[Ensirio the Longstrider]

Behind Door Two is... A HUNGRY JABBERWOCK! All players must gallumph for the next kumquat turns!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I'm turning the crank...which makes the boot-on-a-stick kick the bucket...which releases the ball with the peyote-fed guinea pig inside...which -

[Haladir]

...rolls straight down the alley, dropping four wickets! Spare!

[Old Doc Flumph]

**gallumph**

[Haladir]

I eat the kumquat as a snicker-snack.

[Total aside-- in the early '80s, I remember an ad in Dragon magazine for an electronic dice roller. The ad copy read, "Does your vorpal blade go 'snicker-snack'? Or does it just snicker?"

That line still makes me chuckle.

Okay, back to Calvinball!]

[Charles Scholz]

I hit the ball with the halibut into the goal. 5 points and a free shot when the next fish enters the field of honor.

[drunken_nomad]

People playing "skins" get sunburnt, lose a turn in Molasses Swamp.

Mumbelty-PEG!

[xanthemann]

If you have this you score 10 bajillion points!

[Bob Zombie]

In the end, I win (unless it is Bill and Ted...Melvined *shudder*)

[Haladir]

I call a time out because I have to go to the bathroom.

[Charles Scholz]

No time outs. You must put in a substitute.

[Conman the Bardbarian]

I'll substitute. I've been sitting in the margarines long enough. Next butter.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

BUTTER UP!

[Belphegor]

O, Leos get a free shot at the goal.

[Ensirio the Longstrider]

You have to barrel roll through all the arches to properly complete the course.

[Conman the Bardbarian]

*pulls out a lobster*

Where'd all the butter go. I can't eat this now. Lobs a throwster into the goal for 2 pints.

This barrel roll otta be a cake walk, or stumble depending on how the reflex save rolls.

1d20 ⇒ 9 Ok, so walking works

1d20 ⇒ 12 Is that what an Archie's?

1d20 ⇒ 3 4131

[Haladir]

Technical foul! You pulled an Immelmann rather than a barrel roll, but the judges award plus ten points for creativity!

While popping a wheelie on my Vespa, I smack the puck with a polo mallet toward my opponent's wicket.

[Automation of Pi]

For making 3.14159(etc.) consecutive Pi references in what is now the Robo-Zone, I have been summoned onto the Chrome Pillar pi months later, with a 1-month early bonus for holding a green ballpoint pen!

All players must now tapioca their scores and take a sideways hike! Meanwhile, I summon a flock of 72 crows, cursing everyone who's level isn't a multiple of 9!

XWQ-05 to Ball volley #@$!

[DJEternalDarkness]

Robozone technical! no tigers on the field, everyone take 3 steps back and you must roll doubles on 3 dice to continue.