Let's Play Calvinball!!


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But everyone knows that the person who declares goal forfeits all points to everyone else unless they play chopsticks on a piano made of blueberry pie.

The Concordance

*plays chopsticks on a piano made of blueberry pie*

I win!

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

You don't win, you just get the points.

Smashes the blueberry pie piano with a custard cream pie.
I double my points.


New rule: Only people who're hopping on 1 leg can earn points!

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
FuelDrop wrote:
New rule: (For the next 24 hours) Only people who're hopping on 1 leg can earn points!

*Hops on one leg.*

Hits a shuttlecock with a wiffleball bat over the goal post. 8 1/2 points


I declare opposite day! All points gained are now points lost!

I hereby donate all my points to Charles Scholz.

The Exchange

In the best traditions of the stock market, I'll sell short on 1 million points and donate them to FuelDrop!

Scarab Sages

Wall Street lays an egg, Buddy can't spare a dime, the Nazis invade Poland, Leningrad survives, the atomic bomb is invented and used, China turns red, Sir is revealed at long last to have no shame or decency, everyone loves Lucy, the President is shot, the King has a dream, Mankind takes a giant leap, I is a crook, this is a bug-hunt, we never had it so good, it's morning in America, the Empire strikes back, the USSR collapses, "potato" is spelled with an "E," the economy is stupid, you've got mail, Bob Dole likes peanut butter, Al Gore wins the Presidency, I win the 20th Century.


BRAINS!!! *bites the ball*

Shadow Lodge

Zzzzzz

I fell asleep from ihiyc's speech and the score becomes igloo (me) vs. macaroni (everyone else)


While everyone has been sleeping, I have scored mega chicken points.


Starfinder Superscriber

BBQ Sauce fowl! You weren't covered with sauce lose a flag!

Scarab Sages

I bounce the ball off DJEternalDarkness's massive forehead, earning me 20 Skeleton Points (they're worth less per capita, but can be used for anything)!


Starfinder Superscriber

Smurf attack! All non-smurfy folks lose 15 squirrels


Well Smurf!

Grand Lodge

Shism seems to have embraced it's smurf side -15 points, I caught a fly ball and jumped hose thats at least 4,000 points

Grand Lodge

oh noes, I got smurf'd -15k I don't imma win this round

Grand Lodge

if my picture is a smurf I win! Check for me
<----------------

Grand Lodge

"Draight is the best winner ever!" says the smurf to the left

Grand Lodge

"Of course he is!" says the smurf to the left


Starfinder Superscriber

Double smurf penalty for placing a rule after your last rule, lose 13.5 meters

Scarab Sages

I catch the 8 posters above me in a vacuum cleaner, transmute them into gold, and melt them down for use in reconstructing a long-lost Aztec calendar. Correcting an historic crime against Humanity earns me 1,492,000 points!

Shadow Lodge

I eat everyone's cheese earning me 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000K points!!!!

Scarab Sages

I research the Communism technology - equinoxmaster's obscene hoard of points is confiscated and redistributed equally to every player. Up The Revolution!

Grand Lodge

I'm Hiding in Your Closet is withholding points in 'equal distribution' -- Draight earns godlike badge of victory and betterness than all others

Scarab Sages

I summon The Topper from whatever he's been up to most recently so he can grapple interminably with you for all time. The rest of us go back to Square 12 and each receive a free personalized alternative to the phrase "Trick Or Treat".

Grand Lodge

I mention that I ate square 12 so everyone is forced to draw their own square 12 on the sidewalk, but because the clown didn't catch me he has to voice record all those free personalized alternatives he cleverly devised on everyone's voicemail for the next hour and then draw his square 12 with lightning bug guts

Scarab Sages

As the young folks say: Challenge Accepted!

Perform (Oratory): 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (8) + 10 = 18

Craft (Platonic Ideals): 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (12) + 13 = 25

Grand Lodge

No showing us your dice rolls, you need to paint the words "Dungeon Master Screen'd!" on your stomach and eat the dice now.


*paints "Dungeon Master Screen'd!" on his forehead and thinks really hard about rolling 20's*

18!
7...
14!
14! Again...
3...crud
Nat Twenny!!!

3 points to the next chimpanzee that juggles itself.


10.....9.......8.....7...6..5..4..3.2.1
Time is up!
All chimpanzees are now non-juggleable.


All pancakes are double points. All trianlges are invalid. All rampant looting is punishable by tickle torture. The ball is no offsides when parallel to fourth big toe. I call shananagins on a Monday for extra sauce points.


I tag you with the calvin ball. The score is me winning to everyone else losing.


Yes, but thanks to the "Take your move back Monday" rule now your it. And I have the pudding of protection in my pocket so now you need at least two signatures in triplicate from the warehouse raptors before you can do anything.


Do signatures from the warehouse t-rex in a spaceship count?


Was it wearing sparkling tap shoes?


I didn't see. It was in a spaceship.

Scarab Sages

That was me flying the spaceship. I collect $100,000 Calvinbucks and move 4 squares, 1 nonagon, and 3 Sooper-Loops for an additional 3 King's Megapoints.


I roll the dice. 6 of ducks, 12 of hearts, -29231958123, a platypus, and 27. Hmmm. That means that I can pass go, don't go, do go, go left, go away, and gogo in one move. Because of the triple go cheating rule, I gain twelve ducks and 2 gold coins.

Scarab Sages

I got exactly 112 rings - I gain an extra life AND a sushi dinner!


*WHISTLE* 4 minutes before Midnight! All play must cease for exactly one boomerang. Next shoe to be tied with one hand is awarded 2 eggs per loop.


Can I pay the referee two pinnacles to reverse the double chaining of the Zorg beast?


Thread necromancy! Triple points!

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Around the bend
Through the woods
Nothing but net.

3.1415^10 points.


If I'm remembering my official rulebook correctly, all exponential scores must be expressed in the form of an interpretive dance. Let's see it.

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

*Does the 3.1415^10 dance.*


Hm... I'll allow it.

Which gets me bonus points for acting like a referee while not being a referee.


Yes, but according to page 63 of the rulebook you're holding, "Every rule in this book is to be not used during play". I get bonus points for adding a paradox to the rules, as according to page 64.


Actually, we're playing by 2nd Edition Calvinball rules. No paradox modifiers, I'm afraid.


I could've sworn we had 86'' Mortimer adjustment.

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