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I cast Unnatural Lust on a Mook - sending him after the Druids Big Cat companion... He scrambles over and hugs said kitty, and I then slumber hex him...
This means that later, when he wakes up, he remembers unnaturally lustful thoughts (and actions), just before he blacked out. Only to come to some time later (we searched him while he as asleep), with his clothing in dis-array, with a happy lion sitting next to him purring.
Yah... what happens in Almas, stays in Almas...
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We entered a dungeon and got into a fight with some guys.
They used spiked chains and used their reach to hit us from one square away.
"Wait, they got reach with spiked chains? How does that work?!"
"They got a feat for that."
"Really, what is it called?"
"3.5 Legacy Rules."
Yeah, it was a Season 0 scenario not adapted for Pathfinder...leading to this exchange later:
"We should steal their weapons."
"Why? Those are just spiked chains..."
"Dude, those are 3.5 spiked chains! Back then these things were the s&%~!"
"Yeah, but you're lacking the 3.5 Legacy Rules feat..."
"Dang!"
Yeah, we walzed through the scenario without any major problems...<_<
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"if it's on the map, I can hit it with my hammeer!"had a dwarf with an enchanted throwing hammer say something along the same lines once rite before he fumbled his attack roll throwing into melee. he then said "just because i can hit it (the BBEG) does not mean i did not mean to hit the elf warrior."
You realize you can't use the critical miss deck in Society, right?
Regional Venture-Coordinator, Baltic
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So the party was told that ordering salted pork in this particular establishment was inadvisable, (cause sometimes it came with tattoos).
Of couse my Tengu (carrion feeder) ordered the salted pork!
Logically the rest of the party started ordering chicken, turkey and axebeak!
Venture-Lieutenant, Indiana—Martinsville
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A funny moment in Scars of the Third Crusade.
"Tell me, just how far up does that stick go?"
Sense motive on the GM!
You see great evil.
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While playing in a group with a lecherous bard, I realized my character had access to a partially charged wand of Share Memory.
You momentarily link your mind with the target and share a single memory of no longer than 1 minute. You can show the target one of your memories, show the target one of its own memories, or view one of the target's memories.
Once we had obtained the information we needed from the people, he immediately looked at me and said "And now the fun beings." Wanting to impart a memory of his onto the NPC.
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"Ah, crap. Did I nonlethal that guy to death?"
I was a player who did this.
The best part? I asked the GM "Oh god, where can I go get an atonement?" He looked at his notes and asked what god I was. I told him Abadar, and he looks down at his notes again and says, "Well she was using children illegally as slave labor. I'm pretty sure the authorities would have put her to death anyways so... no atonement necessary."
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"Ah, crap. Did I nonlethal that guy to death?"I was a player who did this.
** spoiler omitted **
So the damage you did Non-lethally was twice the hps of the target plus negative Con?
I assume that it was, since that particular NPC was basically a commoner.
It's not so hard to do when you are using a weapon that does 2d6 damage, crits for x3 damage, and are doing a static +9 to damage. All in all, that is 6d6+27... in a Tier one scenario.
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Martial Artist/Urban Barbarian, I'm chasing a guy who just started a rampage of animals on an unsuspecting party of nobles. I catch up and want to question him, so of course I call a non-lethal punch to the back of his head. Well, Rage-on, Roll: Crit, Confirm...
GM: "Your fist goes through his skull, and is covered in pink/grey goo."
Sent him from full to neg con twice...
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PaizoCon last year - Confirmation. FOR THE FROG KING!
And roll playing kid and dad as guards (disguise spell and sleeves of many garments), Kid - (searching for contra band) "dont forget to check the special places" Dad - "we only talk about that in private"
The fun sleeves of many garments provide.
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Con of the North this year - The half-orc bard rousing the crowd with an inspiring speech and screaming "CHAOSSSSSSSS!" and doing *jazz hands*.
Can't forget the *jazz hands*
The entire table was doing it the rest of the scenario.
Previous year Con of the North - The party needs to sneak a rod into the city without being caught. The same half-orc looks at her dead goblin puppets and says "Da comrades, I have an idea".
Natuska, making every Con of the North memorable.
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Back in the day before the sub-tiers, my Oracle with Blackened curse is in a party who are all near the top of the scenario range and I was barely in it (5-9 I think?), and a poor initiative... in one of the scenes I am watching a well-laid plan of the party absolutely devastate this mook encounter, standing outside of the building with the sorceress who just Mercy fireballed the room using the stealthy monk to clear the visual block on the window, and other shenanigans...
Eventually it's Knells' turn (me) - the GM asks me what I do. I say, "I cast burning hands and make popcorn."
That line is STILL our go-to to say, "I'm delaying and am okay with that, 'cause my friends have this covered."
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encountering a pair of Snake swarms, after a good Kn(Nature) roll I ask if they have Scent ability - they do, so I toss a Flask of Noxious Aromatic and catch both swarms! yeah! They both miss their Fort save, so the one I hit is Nauseated and the other is sickened....
So - Nauseated - the swarm only gets a move action while it's puking.... so the swarm moves over me - damage is done and I'm distracted (nauseated) too... all I have to say about it is....
"I didn't realize they were SPITTING Cobras"!
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encountering a pair of Snake swarms, after a good Kn(Nature) roll I ask if they have Scent ability - they do, so I toss a Flask of Noxious Aromatic and catch both swarms! yeah! They both miss their Fort save, so the one I hit is Nauseated and the other is sickened....
So - Nauseated - the swarm only gets a move action while it's puking.... so the swarm moves over me - damage is done and I'm distracted (nauseated) too... all I have to say about it is....
"I didn't realize they were SPITTING Cobras"!
Serves you right for making them sick! *sniffs, and puts one of the snakes over her shoulder and pats it back*
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Ok, so the party consists of
Perch Blackbeak: White tengu of death (archer rogue)
Clint Barton: Archery Slayer
Zalren: A monk of the mountain
Grr A foxform kitsune
Since we had the only party we'd ever seen that actually could do the mission impossible thing and sneak into a place, we spent a lot of time trying to sneak in. We got in, found some bodies in barrels and went to the fully stocked bar. And proceed to put most of it into bags of holding.
We hear mook 1 coming. The slayer sits at the bar drinking bemoaning the loss of his ex wife. The rest of the party hides. He walks around the corner, calls for his friends.... and sees a guy just sitting at the bar. The kitsune pops around the corner before his turn comes up and headbutts him in the groin with an untrained unarmed strike.
Nat 20 to hit. 18 on the die to confirm. 6 on the sneak attack dice. 24 points of damage... to a 5 hit point first level expert has him dying in the worst way possible from subdual damage.
We get the rest of them alive, make note of the poor unfortunate souls address and head to the basement. We're in a room with blood all over the place and a dead body slumped on the floor. Clint, knowing what bad news creepy dolls are, tries to throw some torches onto the pile of dolls and... Creepy doll thing pops out of the piano and K.O.s Grr and Clint in the surprise round.
Creepy doll wants someone to play the piano for her... the tengu has perform and keeps rolling worse.. and worse.... He suggests painting the unconscious slayer. (who carries paint to keep track of his numerous expendable birds, including the tengu) So he gets a face full of daisies and pink kittens while he's unconscious.
Zalren uses profession bartender and his ample supplies to quickly set up some shot glasses for an impromptu tea party, and chat with the little girl about where shes from, how long she's been down here, what happened to the dead body 5 feet away, and if she'd like to come work in the ustalav opera house.
They wake up the fox, who is usually pretty good about letting someone else decide if the fight is starting or not. The doll decides he needs a bath (he's still covered in blood from before) and a big pink bow on his neck. Grrs not sure about all this, till the conversation rolls around about what happened to the body.
Dm: Creepy doll voice *He didn't play very good and had to be punished...*
Grrs tail wagging, paws under chin. I am the cutest dolly ever. Gorum please avert your eyes why yes i think i would love a new bow.
We let the doll keep painting the slayer, convince her we'll be right back after the tengu takes a short break, drag the slayer into the next room, shut the door.
He points at the fox and laughs at the ribbon.
The fox gets a mirror and holds it up.
Tengu gets a 30 bluff to tell him he has no idea where the girl got the paint.
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playing with an int 6 apocalypse oracle, follower of rovagug.
"if i bring an end to the world, i won't know that it was my fault."
rest of the group, "right so don't let him near anything that could end the world."
the gm had a load of fun trying to come with ways for me to end the world while the rest of the group kept on shouting "don't do it!!!"
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Hmm... I never posted in this thread. I've got a few oldies that are worth mentioning.
One of my favorite scenarios to GM allows me to watch the players' reactions whenever I tell them, "The chair attacks you". Best reaction I ever got was from a guy playing a ranger: "Good thing I have favored enemy: furniture."
At a convention once, I was GMing a table with a 9 year old girl playing an archery focused ranger. This kid was bloodthirsty. At one point, they're supposed to try and find a way into a warehouse in public, in broad daylight, while there's a guard outside sitting on a barrel.
Girl: "I shoot the guard with an arrow."
After it was explained to her that starting a fight in public like that would draw the city guard and get them all arrested: "It's not starting a fight if I just shoot him with an arrow." During the course of further debate, she also came out with this gem: "But he's asking for it. He's sitting on a barrel."
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I've got a couple good ones.
A certain Hellknight mook had a "Fights until death" morale condition. So, the party beats to poor SOB down to well below negative Con. My gnome summonerdidn't want to kill the guy, being part of the Chelish faction himself. So, the eidelon sits on the mook (essentially pinning the corpse,) my gnome whips out his scroll of Breath of Life and successfully makes the UMD check. "Perhaps you didn't hear me the first time. This is the information I was asking for. Are you going to answer me this time?"
A true chelaxian would say "until death do i fight, and i did! Now I can surrender"
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Running *redacted* today and the party is being mauled by ghouls. To avoid a TPK, I decide the healthy one is dragging the paralyzed fighter out of combat. Player doesn't immediately notice I moved the minis, then suddenly does.
"Hey, I wasn't there!"
"I know, on his turn he drug you 15'. He's decided he has his lunch and is going home.
Player is now horrified. "Save me! I don't want to be take out!"
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Venture-Captain, California—Sacramento
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Party is fighting an large ooze in a narrow corridor. Two front liners have already moved up and engaged the ooze. The warpriest lacks a reach weapon and wants to get in on the action and decides to acrobatics through it's square. I decide not to even try to imagine what that would look like, and let him try. He fails. Badly. The ooze gets to hit him, it succeeds, it has reach and grab, it succeeds on the grab. Since it has now grabbed him at range, he is move to an adjacent square. The only adjacent square available is on the far side of the ooze, where he wanted to go.
"Okay, you got to where you wanted to be, it just hurt a lot more than you expected it too."
At which point we discovered that he had no one handed weapons, not even a dagger, punching the ooze will hurt him far more than it will hurt the ooze, he was too weak to break the grapple on anything but a 20, and couldn't make the necessary check to cast in a grapple even on a 20. And was now out of range of any of the other PCs ability to heal him.
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Playing in Carrion Hill.
Saagi: "I figured that after watching a third of their friends die, they'd like some chocolate is all."
Guard: "Look, I know you feel badly for them, lady, but do you KNOW what it looks like when a strange Tian woman tries to hand out bars of exotic candy to our town's orphans? I simply can't let you do that."
Liu (Me): "Sorry, Saagi. Looks like you've been choc-blocked."
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Had 2 good ones this weekend at the same table.
Andar "How did you guys get to be so amazing?"
Conan "Some of its genetic."
When setting up an encounter for the party I used a group of unpainted Bones miniatures for the minions, two unpainted metal minis for robots, and the one painted mini for the groups leader. We then rolled initiative, and combat got underway. The fighter draws his weapons, charges, and the player running him proclaims "I attack the colored guy!"
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A couple from my PFS lodge...
"I have more hit points then you"... Said by the bard after our ranger put on a cursed belt.. and went down to 3 Con. Funny thing was that the player of that ranger had GM'd the module as Standard before, and had forgotten that belt is cursed. So he put it on the second he learned it was a "belt of strength". :)
Or during last week's Core session someone asked my monk Xao why she had two kama when her fists are better weapons. Xao responded with "Because some times my fists just can't cut it." It took half the session before everyone got the joke.
