Bigger Super Massive Large Giant Shark. With Smurfs.
That'd make a heck of a clarinet. Unfortunately, it's not kosher, so we'll have to make do with this gargantuan salmon instead.
Hang on - does this mean that the salmonet is going to be REAL?! It's a Christmas Miracle!!!
Fur fer Fir!
*Shaves self*
*Disappears entirely*
*Pile of hair re-coalesces*
Hi.
Are we now Rugged Pioneers, out in the wilderness of Mt. Crumpet? Am I Pulgy Pinecone?
*Dressed in flowing white robes, lathers hair before washing it in a clear, pure, mountain stream; tosses luxuriant blonde locks about, beaming, with the sunshine glinting off his beautiful amber highlights*
Less than 3 days to total mayhem.
HAHAHA!
Phooey!
Gets back to work.
*Tootles vigorously on his shiny new salmonet*
I do suppose that you could, especially if it also incorporates one or more 12-13 ft spears.
Hey boss, some tall pasty dude just dropped off a used harpsicord.
Our third Christmas Miracle (and counting) - stringed glockenspiels.
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*Re-purposes harpsichord into an iron lung and a pair of dentures.*
I tried to make a Tommy gun, but it just didn't work out.
*Starts playing with some old Power Rangers figures.*
Wait, did those glockenspiels never have strings!?
*Begins wrapping Schism in lights and tinsel.*
Then what did I floss my teeth with?
String beans.
*Plays medley of Seasonal Ditties, disco polka style*
In honor of the day, I have had Jambi deliver a gift to each of you, wherever you may hide away from the world, whatever your secret place, I know of it and have sent Jambi there.
Please, so the rest of us can enjoy, describe the package and what it contains.
I should hate to think you did not appreciate what I sent you.
It is an anatomically correct housemaid formed from a mixture of eggnog, liquified CS gas, and antifreeze!
Hoop la hoop la, I am so 'appy.
It's a set of orders sending Alphonse to a perpetual siege of a Githyanki fortress on the Astral Plane!
It's a Bluetooth-enabled salmonet with a spigot that administers unlimited quantities of cream cheese!
It's a voucher for an all-body dip dye and bubble perm!
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*Has successfully taken over the forum.*
Lord Zedd: we did it!
*Begins a grand celebration.*
Madam Odius: finally, this has been a long time coming!
*Receives the parcel from GoatToucher (it's a big one).*
Koragg: it seems that even we weren't forgotten.
*Opens the parcel, gets excited.*
Boomtower: those pesky little Power Rangers have been defeated at last!
*Joy quickly turns into horror and revulsion.*
Divatox: did GoatToucher really need to include photos and detailed information on how he did it?
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*Opens up gift from GoatToucher.*
An infinite banquet! It's about time!
*Sees what everyone has received.*
Why did Comte de Malodor tell us what his sister got?
*Begins eating the infinite banquet.*
Oh, and the NUAoE shouldn't complain, they have the Power Rangers on a silver platter (of sorts) and pleading for the sweet release of death after being tortured by GoatToucher.
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*Opens up gift from GoatToucher.*
An infinite banquet! It's about time!
*Sees what everyone has received.*
Why did Comte de Malodor tell us what his sister got?
Temporary possession was the second part of the present.
It were Smurfs.
Only to smash his own toes as the Smurfs are way too fast and clever.
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Finally untangles self from tinsel.
Boss, how could you?
I missed all the fun.
Starts weeping
