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Like a clown in a blender?
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Yes, but not as arousing.
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And now, it's officially halftime! Let's all welcome to the pitch, The Workroom Wenches!
*The crowd cheers as a group of female dark elves (in the service of GoatToucher) enter wearing cheerleader style clothing and bringing in a vast array of torture equipment.*
Looks like we're in for a real treat today folks!
*Several snotlings are placed in the devices and subjected to extreme pain.*
What a magnificent display! Clearly, these girls have been practicing. But what does the boss think?
*Everyone turns their attention to GoatToucher, who has been given a hot pie and a mug of Bovril.*
Oops.
I Thought you said Borvil.
Whatever you do, don't say 'Borvil' in three successive posts.
O no.
Broke the internet, did we ?
I can only speak personally, of course, but I'm not Kym Kardashian's backside (far less hairy)
WO HO HO HO, IS FREE!!!
What? FREE?! Could the dire and dreadful wards around ZORDLON'S Obsidian Oubliette have failed?
Impossible - no, I know what's happened. One of you dribbling imbeciles has bungled their job A-GAIN. Gah!!
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And now, it's officially halftime! Let's all welcome to the pitch, The Workroom Wenches!
*The crowd cheers as a group of female dark elves (in the service of GoatToucher) enter wearing cheerleader style clothing and bringing in a vast array of torture equipment.*
Looks like we're in for a real treat today folks!
*Several snotlings are placed in the devices and subjected to extreme pain.*
What a magnificent display! Clearly, these girls have been practicing. But what does the boss think?
*Everyone turns their attention to GoatToucher, who has been given a hot pie and a mug of Bovril.*
:casual thumbs up:
So that's why Jambi looks surprised. You'd think he'd be used to it by now.
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And I'm here with Roger Purvis of the Blood Mountain Skull-Gnawers of Khorne. Roger, that staggered back three formation seems to be giving you a solid defence, but are you disappointed at not being able to score at all, especially after Grunty Flobbernobz of Queens Park Waaaaghers was sent off in the 34th minute for not eviscerating his opponent with his tusks during the scrum?
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Roger Purvis: it pains me, but Khorne wanted us to focus on "pulling pints" than scoring.
*More people run up to Pulg.*
Owner of the Darkside Cowboys: how about giving us an interview, Pulg?
Coach of the Dwarf Giants: no, interview us! We've been great all season!
Roger Purvis: wait your turns lest you wish to be placed on the Skull Throne!
*The arguing intensifies, leading to a massive fight and Pulg is caught in the middle of it.*
I suppose all this blood is good for my pelt, so no worries. While we're waiting for the fracas to die down, how about a bouzouki solo?
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OI! THOSE WILL BE COMING OUT OF YOUR WAGES, YOU KNOW!
O wait. I don't pay them...
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This fighting certainly is entertaining, folks, looks like Pulg's winning though.
All the same, I wonder what Borvil and Zordlon are doing?
*Spies Borvil and Zordlon having a pie eating contest.*
Well, that's one way to settle things
*Coughs to hide feeling awkward and disappointed.*
Now... for all you long time fans of Blood Bowl, you're probably wondering just how many teams there are (I know I did). So, just for you, here's the list of every Blood Bowl team that there is!
Legendary and maybe not so Legendary (Major League)
Amazon Teams
Amazon All-Stars
Armour Bay Amazonians
Feathered Jaguars
Jlaxonkill Jaguars
Lustrian Queens
Tlax Warriors
Wild Women of Wamatooma
Brettonian Teams
N/A
Chaos Chosen Teams
Burn Lea
Chaos Thugs
Claws of Chaos
Crimson Spikes
Dark Gods' Grovellers
The Doom Lords
Drakwald Beasts
Everchosen
Khorne's Killers
Skulls of Katam
Slaaneshi Sidewinders
Swords of Chaos
Wasteland Warriors
Worlds-End Warriors
Chaos Dwarf Teams
Black Death
The Hobgoblin Team
Scarfaced Scavengers
Zhar-Naggrund Ziggurats
Chaos Renegades Teams
Chaos All-Stars
Howling-Hills Hellions
Midden Moors Marauders
Mongrel Horde
Praag Changelings
The Storm Bolts
Silent Cabal
Daemons of Khorne Teams
N/A
Dark Elf Teams
Albion Assassins
Ashbane Vendettas
Black Ark Corsairs
Blackkagh Blood Quenchers
Dark Ark Serpents
Dark Renegades
Darkside Cowboys
Deadly Nightshades
Harpies of Karond Kar
Kelethrai Executioners
Khaine's Killers
Laurelorn Lightfooters
Naggaroth Nightwings
Naggaroth/Naggarond Nightmares
Ulthuan Renegades
White Bay Arrows
Dwarf Teams
Black Mountain Blades
Bogstaff Beardlings
Bugman's Best
Copperhold Cannons
Durum's Destroyers
Dwarf Anvils
Dwarf Giants
Dwarf Warhammerers
The Grudge Bearers
Illuminated Seers of the Sacred Orb of Nuffle (becomes Dwarf Giants)
Iron Anvils
Karak Wanderers
Karak-Kadrin Kingsmen
Red-Nosed Bandits
World's Edge Wanderers
Zhufbar Amateur Eleven
Zhufbar Marktag
Elven Union Teams
Ashvale Valar (becomes Elfheim Eagles)
Celestial Comets
Codillian Clarions
Dar-Ellerath Beechtrees (becomes Elfheim Eagles)
Elfheim Eagles
Elven Swifthawks
Everbold Unicorns
Foresters
High Seas Surfriders
Kallahir Swifts
Tide Riders
Goblin Teams
Badland Baddies
Bloodskull Brutes
Dem Rotten Gitz
Goblin Gitbashers (now Mangled Meatbags)
Greenboyz
Lowdown Rats
Moonshine Gitz
Norgit Nosepickers
Scarcrag Snivellers
Scribbage Scrappers
Sneaky Beakers
Snivelling Gitz
Spiderwood Sneakers
Swamptide Squeelers
Halfling Teams
Ashton Villains
Baker's Dozen
Barleywine
Bluebay Crammers
Blueberry Squashers
Cookie Monsters
Drunken Idiots
Greenfield Grasshuggers
The Iron Chefs
Knotinthem Forest
The Lightfoots
Marienburg Fishers
Merry Mootmen
The Mootlads
Moot Mighties
Nippon Nibblers
Perryvale Punishers
The Pieboys
The Pie X-press
Pinkfoot Panthers
Potbellied Piemen
Shiretown Stuffers
Shuffling Woodsday
Stunted Stoutfellows
Tallow Candles
Tithebarn Toffee Apples
High Elf Teams
Albion Assassins
Caledor Dragons
Dragon Princes
Fire Isle Phoenixes
Fulathian Filibusters
Galadrieth Gladiators
Lions of Chrace
Tiranoc Titans
Human Teams
Albion Wanderers
Altdorf Acolytes (becomes Reikland Reavers)
Altdorf Avengers
Altdorf All-Stars
Altdorf Hammers
Averheim Archers
Averland Knights
Bad Bay Hackers
Black Mountain Marauders
Bright Crusaders
Creeveland Crescents
Flatlined Annihilators
Hochstadt Hellfires
The Marauders (Now the Middenheim Maulers Old World Alliance Team)
Nuln Oilers
Ostland Mastiffs (now the Pusland Maggots)
Ostermark Bulls
Paravon Penetrators
Real Tobaro
Reikland Reavers
Reikland Riot Girls
Rocktown Rumblers
Rostov Renegades
Stirland Hot-Spurs
Treetown Wolverines
Vynheim Valkyries
Imperial Nobility Teams
Bögenhafen Barons
Khemri Teams
Neter-Khertet
Khorne Teams
Skull-Tribe Slaughterers
Kislev Circus Teams
N/A
Lizardmen Teams
Gwakamoli Crater Gators
Itza Nokouts
Jungle Krocs
Lustria Kroakers
Lustrian Serpents
Sotek's Word
Sotek Vipers
Tlanxla Tacklers
Tlanxla Terradons
Tlaxtlan Stegadons
Ziggurat Slithers
Necromantic Teams
Bruendar Grimjacks
Cushing Hammer
Wolfenburg Crypt-Stealers
Norse Teams
Arctic Cragspiders
Asgard Ravens (as non-Giant)
Bluchen Berzerkers
Icecastle Wolves
Norsca Rampagers
Vynheim Valkyries
Nurgle Teams
Bile-City Blightkings
Decaying Disorder
Diseased Destroyers
Nurgle's Rotters
Plaguebearers
Pusland Maggots (formerly the Ostland Mastiffs)
Rancid Rangers
Rotsdale
Subterranean Slimeballs
Witherland Rotwarriors
Ogre Teams
Badland Bruisers
Darkland Eyebiters
Deadrock Devastators
Fire Mountain Gut-Busters
The Gnoblar Gnoblars
Golden Guts
Hikuuru Headhunters
Mountain Gorgers
Oldheim Ogres
Phoenix Snotlings
Tusk Peak Tyrants
Old World Alliance Teams
The Auld Worlde Warlords
Averland All-Stars
Champions of Law
Hochland Mountaineers
Hoffenheim Harlequins
Middenheim Maulers
Nuln Doom-Forgers
Orc Teams
Da Deff Sqwad
Da Green Machine
Da Teef Crushas
Deaths Heads
Gouged Eye
Ironcrag Decimators
Orcland Raiders
Sartosa Spleenrippers
Schaffen Stallions
Severed Heads (becomes Gouged Eye)
Thunder Valley Greenskins
Skaven Teams
Fifth Column Tunnellers
Grieve Bay Packrats
Hell Pit Heroes
Pestilent Pioneers
Pustulent Priests
Queekwell Quesers
Rotten Rats
Skavenblight Scramblers
Snick-tail Scuttlers
Warpfire Wanderers
Slann Teams
Lustria Croakers
Snotling Teams
Crud Creek Nosepickers
Snottingham Snot Sniffles
Undead Teams
Abracadaver
Acid Bay Shades
Brayburg Bonepickers
Champions of Death
Erengrad Undertakers
Forlorn Phantoms
Frozen Phantoms
Grimnach Gravespawn
Hel Fenn Helions
Legion of Doom
Mangled Meatbags (previously the Goblin Gitbashers)
Nightmare Nufflers
Red Death Cavaliers
Tombstone Terrors
Underworld Denizens Teams
Cragmere Critters
Dragon Crag Dirtbags
Fungal Cowboys
Green Destroyers
Grim Squeakers
Tunnel Brothers
Underworld Creepers
Vampire Teams
Black Sabbeths
Castiron Knights
Craggen Counts
Deadly Nightshades
Drakfang Thirsters
Streissen Vampires
Wood Elf Teams
Arranoc Drakes
Athelorn Avengers
Bil Bali Archers
Deepwood Falcons
Greenglade Rooters
Laurelorn Paladins
Oakglade Defenders
Pine Crag Pioneers
Treetop Terrors
Teams of Various and Sundry Races and Mixes (Minor League)
Asgard Ravens
Bifrost Berserkers
Black Widows
Blood Axes
Daemonettes of Slaanesh Daemons
Dark Mountain Spiders
Death Wish
Doom Forgers
Evil Gitz
Glimdwallow Geezers
Greenglade Rooters
Grey Shadows
Grim Reapers
Halfbreed Hellraisers
Harlequins
Heroes of Law
Ice Giants
Ice Lords
Icecastle Werewolves
Kishargo Werebears
Kureshi Kobras Snakemen
Lieck H'Resh All-Sorts
Mirkheim Mages
Motley Horde
No Hawk Jets
Oakleaf Wanderers
Shortstuff Scurriers
SSSchHtt V'ggUYth
Storm Bolts
Drakenwald Evergreens
Timelords
Tjorwald Titans Giants
Unsettled Sea Elves
War Hawks
Westside Werewolves
*Takes a deep breath, despite being a vampire.*
Wow, that's really quite a lot! And who knows how many more there are?
*The commentator's box brakes and falls onto the pitch.*
*As such, the next poster (who can't get out of the way) is flattened.*
Hang on, what?
BOSS! BOSS! DON'T SCUFF OUR GLOCKENSPIELS!!!
Driving by in his terraplane, Waterhammer brakes and makes a u-turn to have a looksee at the carnage.
Well, here's a pretty to-do! Aside from the bongos, and Naphtali's salmonet, we have no musical instruments in working order at all. We shall have to get the clockwork dog-o-phones out of storage.
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*Regains consciousness, stands up and dusts self down.*
Sorry about that Pulg, I hope you're alright, on the plus side you win a very special trophy!
*The Workroom Wenches present Pulg with a gold statuette in his likeness.*
Congratulations on causing the most damage the entire game!
*Everyone gives Pulg a standing ovation.*
Now, to repair the commentator's box and get back to game!
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*Suddenly, there is a as a really dusty door opens....*
WELL, that sucked more than a full armada of MegaMaids crewed entirely by Lewinsky-Clan vampires!
So. What I need now is a quick rundown of EVERYTHING that's happened up 'till now, with an emphasis on the last 640 posts.
I'm going to need the Count's version,
AND
GoatToucher's version,
AAAAAAAANNND....
*eyes literally wander around the room before finally floating in Pulg's direction and-*
...WATERHAMMER! Of course I'll need your version as well!
*eyes zoom back to sockets, making sounds like spinning dice upon reentry*
Bear in mind, gents, you will be graded on presentation, as well as plating, choreography, and topography.
I'm hungry.
I hear there is an Italian bistro nearby.
They sound tasty.
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No Italian bistros daughter! The blood is a little too rich for you.
And IHIYC - while you have been running your Cheese Shoppe - every Power Rangers villain (past, present and future) have formed a new alliance and are taking over the universe by conquering and/or destroying galaxies (they've already taken over the forum), I agreed to sponsor one of Pulg's bands, Fish-Malkovich tried to get rid of the "wrecking balls" Comte de Malador is so proud of (only to give him a nasty disease instead), I think that there was a moment when Fenrir swallowed the sun and began Ragnarok, GoatToucher has remained his everlasting self, the forum was subjected to extreme burning (but it's all better now), we raided your closet and stole your "goofy juice" (which we should really stop doing), and I became the owner of every Blood Bowl team and Star Player (with hilarious consequences).
Disease Schmisease, VD is more worried about catching me than I am of catching it.
However, what are these MegaMaids I heard mention of, and how would one go about hiring two or three?
Well, IHIYC, in a nutshell, everyone is nuts.
Toot toot toot toottoottoottoottööööt
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*listens intently to Count and Waterhammer's accounts, scrawls something in a notebook*
Can't wait to hear Goaty McGoatface finally weigh in.
*jester-tentacles suddenly prick up*
Oh hey, speaking of which....
All I've had to do is bide my time and wait for these eleven years and six hundred and forty-two pages, watching the conversations come and go.
And now, I have posted last.
I have won.
*jumps out from behind n00b, grabs waist/proximal equivalent, shakes vigorously*
...aaand Lizard's getting LAAAAARGER!!!
*jumps away in a Puck of smofe*
*Bites Comte de Malador again (this time on his right shoulder).*
Here, that shoulder's mine! Get your own!
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And yet again, we've got ourselves another scuffle folks!
Hopefully, this one won't end in a pie eating contest!
Oh, and IHIYC has recently agreed to sponsor the game of Blood Bowl!
So remember, for dairy accompaniments to all your onions and pineapples and adding a true "wow" factor to your parties, go to Your Closet Cheese Shoppe! Which has been run by IHIYC and his family since 3000 BCE!
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Joining me now is Femi Kayode of Athletico Slaanesh, who is presently reaming his nasal passages with what appears to be a Skaven jezail. Femi, do you think it's entirely fair that you got two yellow cards for repeatedly humping the corner flag, and what in the name of Blessed Sigmar are you doing with that tentacle?!
I'll do whatever ever I please, thank you!
Besides, it's funny to annoy Comte de Malodor (and hurt him).
That being as it may, all this fishtupuncture is doing wonders for my IBS.
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:Jambi rings a small bell to draw the collective attention:
:GT stands, clad in scarlet and gold, holding a small goblet of something:
My friends! After a discussion with the League, I have undertaken to submit a team to this endeavor. Each player has been the subject of extensive and rigorous... training that puts their skills on par with the finest players in the organization. Indeed, far in excess of them.
:Jambi pulls a rope, drawing a curtain to expose a group of individuals of all shapes and sizes, few of which are recognizable as members of any race or species you are familiar with, though some might have been once: before the adjustments.:
Lords, Ladies, Others, and lesser-folk: I present to you The Unwelcomed Fists. Their goal, as you will see, is to win their first match in such an... interesting way as to assure that their subsequent opponents forfeit rather than face them for fear of what might happen to them.
I can assure you that, if you place any value on your teams or their legacy, you will encourage them to avoid facing this team.
:he turns to the players: Good luck, my dear subjects! Remember what awaits you when you win!
And what awaits you if you don't.