Looks like we have a winner. I would like to thank the 32,149 losing posts before mine for their effort. I will be making my formal acceptance speech later.
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Sorry, you are yesterday's news.
Hold on, I have a daughter?!
Shoop-dooby-do-wa! Shooby-dooby.
Oooo-wee-ooh.
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Comte de Malodor, Mr Grinch was talking about me.
Although, you probably do have offspring, knowing your "active lifestyle".
*Looks down at the pitch, recoils with pained disgust.*
It appears that the Marienburg Mullets have been utterly destroyed (in all senses of the word) by The Unwelcomed Fists! So much so in fact, that the Praag Pompadours have instantly retired and disbanded! And as for the Ulthuan Undercuts, they've been taken away by the Workroom Wenches to be experimented on by GoatToucher! It's so sad, but they were nonunion teams so, they won't be missed!
*Now turns attention to R2-FU.*
Good to see you again, would you like to be a commentator and/or referee?
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I shall take that as a "yes" to both. If you would like to join me in the commentator's box or head out onto the pitch, as the next match is about to begin. Crimson Spikes versus Durum's Destroyers! Once again, we've got dwarfs. They suffered a lot from their defeat by the Amazons, will they fair any better against the forces of chaos? Let's find out!
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You asked for me?
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Scarfaced Scavengers vs Tlanxla Terradons
High Seas Surfriders vs Norsca Rampagers
The Lightfoots vs Lustria Croakers
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An entire team of Gordon Lightfeet? What a time to be alive, by golly!
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Nice, you sure do know to pick them, daughter!
So, once these next two matches have concluded, we have:
TUNNELS AND TERRAS!
Chaos Dwarfs vs Lizardmen (Scarfaced Scavengers vs Tlanxla Terradons).
WINDS AND WAVES OF THE NORTH!
Elven Union vs Norse (High Seas Surfriders vs Norsca Rampagers).
STEPPING ON TIP-TOADS!
Halflings vs Slann/Lizardmen (The Lightfoots vs Lustria Croakers).
Sundown you better be ware…
If you could read my mind, Waterhammer, what a story you would tell...
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The Crimson Spikes have got the ball and are running to the end zone...
Oh! But Durum's Destroyers have successfully stopped them in their tracks!
*The pitch is subjected to loads of mini scrums.*
Such ferocity, this really is Blood Bowl at its best!
*One of the dwarfs makes a foul, by knocking over a beastman and breaking his legs.*
Yikes! That's got to hurt! Looks like the referee isn't happy about it either!
*As the referee and the dwarf argue, the referee gives the dwarf a red card.*
And that's one team member out, but the Chaos Chosen are still lagging behind!
*Checks the scores.*
So far it's, Durum's Destroyers - 47, Crimson Spikes - 21!
Gracious me, what a mess. It's worse than the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Yup, it’s cold on my shoulder.
Gremlin Trip-Hop is one of my favorite genres!
Perform for me, Gremlins, lest... things happen.
Very well. I shall give all my fairies enormous trousers and woolly hats, make them smoke a stupendous quantity of dope, then get ready for the SICKEST F&!@ING BEATS you have ever heard in your unnaturally prolonged life, over which the Gremlins will flow abstractly.
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Look at all those snotlings, running amuck as usual!
They're what, sorry? Oh, gremlins! What's the difference?
*As Pulg's bands play their instruments, the Gremlins from the Kremlin get mulched.*
I just knew that was going to happen to the little guys.
*Meanwhile, a touchdown is scored by the Crimson Spikes.*
Looks like they've managed to even the score against Durum's Destroyers!
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Wait a moment. There is a flag on the play.
One of the Crimson Spikes is being escorted off the field.
We are waiting on the ruling.
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And there you have it.
The claws on number 12 are artificial.
The touchdown is nullified and they are penalized 15 yards from the line of scrimmage.
They will have to play the rest of the quarter a player short.
Number 12 will be banned until his claws grow back naturally (4-6 weeks).
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It's a tale of two halves, ladies and gentlemen, but the outcome is still the same!
*As the last touchdown is made, the referee blows the whistle.*
That's the end of the game, and the final results are...
*Checks to make sure that everything is correct.*
Durum's Destroyers have beaten the Crimson Spikes, 124 - 80!
Up next, the Howling-Hills Hellions versus the Dark Ark Serpents!
Will the Chaos Renegades (not Chosen, as I had mistakenly said earlier, my apologies for that) fair better than the actual Chaos Chosen? Hard to say, they are against dark elves, we shall have to see!
Freud is pleased.
Nope, sorry. My insurance doesn’t cover that.
Money is not necessary here, I take payment in the form of people reliving pain.
A bit like GoatToucher, but not as depraved.
:arches eyebrow:
Oh?
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Money is not necessary here, I take payment in the form of people reliving pain.
A bit like GoatToucher, but not as depraved.
Which is similar to saying 'A bit like water, but less wet'
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:shakes head: My dear, dear friends... I am afraid that you are suffering from dreadful misapprehensions: my calling is in opening minds to the delights available beyond the periphery of the conventional. Discomfort is one means to that end, yes, but it is, in the end, a means, not an end.
Further, mere physical... stimulation... is only the beginning. It is sometimes (but not always) a key to unlocking the doorway to a more meaningful sense of dread: One that is felt on an intellectual and/or spiritual level.
In the end, I am in the business of giving people what they need (whether they realize it or not).
Great! Now I want sushi.
Do Fish-Malkovich's toenail clippings count?
You tell me…
And hey, Sunomono Slaad: Doesn’t sunomono just mean salad?
While dodging the attack. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it just means salad.”