They sound like really nice people, Drula. We're here for you too.
Played Kingmaker on the 4th (2nd session).
Drula-
I'm glad to hear you do have friend's. Maybe a game will help you escape for a bit.
Sorry, but my posting the next two days will be spotty. I have a meeting the prep for.
I've got several of the actual nurses that are really friendly to me as well, they talk to me and help me a bit beyond what their jobs demands, so I really appreciate them.
I've caused a fairly big stir today because I finally went and talked to the administrator about a problem I was having, and so now he's trying to figure out if there is a way to solve the issue without moving someone to a different room.
I'm worried that whatever solution he comes up with, I may be offline for a while, like a few days or a week. I'm hoping not, but like we touched on before, I'm trying not to have too many expectations and just see what happens. So far, they've hung a thermometer in here to see how hot or cold it gets.
We'll be right here :)
Well, the way it seems right now, I think our handyman talked the admin out of the plan that might have disrupted my service, but I don't completely know yet.
I hope you're not out of contact for too long.
BTW, what's the temperature where you are at? I've heard on the radio record temperatures across the US.
Sorry I've been so quiet, everyone; it's just that I've been reading what everyone's had to say here and been thinking it over. I haven't been saying anything because I really don't know what to say, but I'll be here to listen as long as I can.
Drula, I'm here for you as well; like you and some of the others, I've been dealing with some depression issues for the past few years as well. I know how hard it can get when you feel like no one cares, even though you know there are people out there who do. Even though I know you're not religious, I'll do my best to keep sending prayers and good thoughts your way too. Even though all of us haven't met face-to-face, I think that we've been playing long enough to consider each other friends, at least in the online sense. Don't worry about rambling, or saying too much, or making some of us feel bad about what's going on with you; that's what we're here for--not only to play together, but to listen and help out our fellow players in any way we can, even if it's just being there to listen, without judgment or criticism.
Val, I'll consider joining your game, if you don't mind; I think I might wait a little while until I can get things settled down to a normal schedule in a couple months, though.
Anyway, thought I'd jump in and let you all know I'm still alive; I'll try to be here to listen, even if it's only once a week or so. I feel like I should apologize for not saying anything sooner, and I hope you all forgive my silence, as it were. I hope to hear from you all in the future, and I'll try to stay in better touch. Until then, take care.
Sure Tari, stop on by and see how it's going.
It's nice to hear from you Tari. I really appreciate the support you and everyone else has shown me. I really am handling my depression better these days, due in no small part to the talks I've had here, you've all been so willing to let me vent and complain. I certainly do consider everyone online friends.
I've never thought that no one cares. My depression comes mainly from a hatred of life, well, of my life anyway, but I am just so tired of it, I hate the rules of life, like that you have to work at everything, use it or lose it, no pain no gain, pain lets you know you're alive. I just think existence under those kinds of rules is crap. If there is a God or someone that created us to live in this, it is not a good god I seem little reason to be thankful to it. It seems to me that a god would be more of jailer than anything. The world is rotten, people are generally good. There are lots of nice people here, but that doesn't mean that this world is less rotten. Even prisoners can make friends with other prisoners.
I'm getting on a rant again. I should stop before I get on a roll and type for hours.
I'm also sorry for not posting, I just have no idea what say. >.>
I think things seem to be looking for you, Drula. :)
Val, I'm willing to play in your game too. I'll check it out.
Edit: Hmm, no guns? That sort of nerfs my character concept. Lin Tai was a gun and explosives guy.
Should I still send a RTJ Val? I don't know. <.<
My depression comes mainly from a hatred of life, well, of my life anyway, but I am just so tired of it, I hate the rules of life, like that you have to work at everything, use it or lose it, no pain no gain, pain lets you know you're alive.
True. I think Paul McCartney once noted "you make plans, then life happens."
When I look at life as an entire arc, yeah, it looks quite pointless. So I try to look at it in little snippets, day by day, moment to moment. I find it more worthwhile that way.
Lin;
yeah, sorry, but I just don't like guns or gunpowder in my fantasy. But you are more than welcome to stop on by and join the conversation.
True. I think Paul McCartney once noted "you make plans, then life happens."
When I look at life as an entire arc, yeah, it looks quite pointless. So I try to look at it in little snippets, day by day, moment to moment. I find it more worthwhile that way.
Not thinking about it and going from moment to moment has been the only way I can distract myself enough to be happy and enjoy the nice moments. I look at and think about the entire arc a lot, and it all looks completely pointless to me unless I indulge the notion of some overriding entity behind it all and that's when I start to look at it all as a trap or a prison for us.
No kind, benevolent, and loving entity would inflict this on their chosen creations or whatever, it seems to sadistic, like the line from Paul McCartney hints at, inconvenience or Sod's Law seems to be the strongest force in the universe.
Lin;
and by "join the conversation", I mean join with a different concept, or maybe tweak the one your had. Crossbows perhaps.
Drula;
Yes there is pain and life is often unfair, and I am sorry for your situation. I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.
Thank you Val, I do appreciate the thought and intent even if I don't think anything is listening.
Lin, Val has an idea, use crossbows, there's always a pistol crossbow. If you just want a different image and don't care much about the mechanics, use a slightly more magic-based fantasy version without the crossbar and say it runs off a spell like Launch Bolt.
That would satisfy Val's dislike of guns, but should be similar enough to work for your concept.
...Yeah...but Lin is from Tian and he's the son of a fireworks maker...that was a big thing I liked about him.
My concept was more that he liked loud things that went boom and precision. He has a few ranks in Profession Bookkeeper.
When I think Tian, I think fireworks....thinking...
Any suggestions on a new character tweaks?
You can have all that without having guns though. I mean, China had those for centuries too and as far as they went with black powder was relatively crude cannons.
But they had very good land mines! :)
Lin, I will need an answer by friday.
Okay...but I'm still trying to figure out how to switch from guns to something appropriate. Repeating crossbow maybe?
Will you Tian explosives and fireworks? They might not be gunpowder...could be Alchemy...
Gunpowder was invented by Chinese pharmacists. :P
I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on your game for now, Val. I'll keep an eye on it, if you don't mind, but I don't think I can post at the frequency you're asking for right now, though.
Lin;
Something alchemical based would be ok. A repeating crossbow would be fine. Why don't you send me an RTJj and we can discuss this as a group.
I sent a PM yesterday...I'll add to it.
Hey Drula, still checking in? How are you doing?
Yes, I'm still checking in. Almost every day actually, I just often don't know what I want to say. I've been doing well really. Thank you for asking. I've been getting a lot of support here too so it's done great things for my general mood.
I've mainly been keeping myself distracted so that I don't start thinking about life and things too much because even though I can maintain a better mood now, my beliefs and all haven't really changed a bit.
Hey, we've all got to have beliefs !
Great to hear you are doing better.
I'm sorry I haven't written much in the last few weeks. I've been terribly busy at work and at home. My mother just came for a surprise visit before she goes on her real vacation.
I haven't written much in the last few weeks either. Either things would come up or I wouldn't know what to write. So, I would wait until later, and then when later arrived I had completely forgotten about it or I would put it off again. The way things go.
I've also kind of fallen into a time warp. Since I've been feeling generally better the days have started to pass faster and faster. There isn't enough time in a day.
That's good to hear Drula! :)
I hope your mood stays the course. ^.^b
Even if it doesn't, we're right here :)
*hugs to all*
And for that, JZ, I am so thankful. I told the counselor that I'm seeing about all of you and the support you give me.
Lin, it has been a battle. It seems like fate/the universe either does not like or challenges one to have a good day or mood. But I have been stubborn on a few occasions and weathered all the inconveniences, annoyances, and problems that beset me, and finally something good would happen.
It has been really tough though. To continue with the sentient fate/universe thing, it does seem that I am being corralled into becoming a bed plant possibly for the rest of my life or at best an extended period, which will either choke off or kill my computer time.
Regardless, I see that bleak future that I mentioned before looming close and it terrifies me.
Ah...well...hmm...I'm thinking of something inspirational! >.>
Three hours later.
Um...I got nothing. Sorry. *Hangs head in shame*
Well, things can still look up. :)
After all Val's running that game on Rpol and we're here for you.
Don't let it bother you Lin. I'm hard to inspire at times, but now isn't one of those, so just the fact that you tried makes me feel better. I've had some good news and such too, so I'm keeping my head above water so-to-speak.
Yep, only problem with Val's game is I'm not in it yet. I'm hoping maybe I can get my character done tonight so that maybe I can jump in before the first experience award gets handed out, or the first fight or whatever. It just really sucks the enjoyment out of a game for me to start behind everyone else since I'm already penalized just by not being able to play yet. >sigh< What can you do though?
I'm glad to hear you are getting through this. Its one of the few times being stubborn is a good thing. My personal view is it takes work being happy, but the work pays off in the end. So big props to you Drula.
As for Val's game, I know you will be a very important part of the group. Especially since you are the only one that can cast cure spells. 8)
Keep the smiles Dru
I'm trying to keep the smiles up Xian, at least as much as I can. Like you said, it takes work though, being happy. Which goes back to one of the reasons I don't like life to begin with. I want something worthwhile to be easy. Bah.
My smiles are more like grins now though, big grins sometimes, but grins. I don't think I've actually smiled since I was young and still had that kind of innocence. Which isn't bad necessarily given given what I look like and the state of my teeth. If I actually smiled at someone, they might run away.
Anyway, hopefully Val will let me in soon, I got him my c-sheet. So, hopefully not long.
I am going crazy waiting on my counselor to get back to me or for some sort of news on whether or not I'm supposed to get another psychological exam. I think it's been something like two weeks now. I hate bureaucracies.
On top of the tension waiting, There's been some sort of confusion on ebay and I'm being charged for a game I didn't win, or at least didn't seem to.
Fah... I've been given another nut for a roommate! I don't think there is one resident in this place besides me that has a fully functioning brain. Screw that, I'm beginning to wonder if there are any functional elderly people left. I mean there must be, but my grandmother was the last old person that I knew before now and all the old people I meet here are all brain-dead or brain-damaged from Alzheimer's and stuff.
I want to scream and cry...
That's the fault of all us young people I think... :/
... Today was hard, very hard.I was bar4ely keeping myself out of a funk, one of those where everything just seems so pointless. And everything... well, not everything, but several people just continued to irritate me, and that's putting it lightly. I could have bitten nails in half I felt such rage. I've still got a headache from not just beginning to scream and throwing a fit.
I wanted so bad (still do pretty much) to murder one of the other residents here, the mad whistler that can't sing but constantly does so, if you could call it that. I would say that he tries to sing, but just can't. But, that's wrong. I don't think he even tries to sing, he just keeps making noise for the attention it gets him. He gets attention by irritating people. I hate him.
Going to really need to talk to my counselor again, for whatever good it does. He did finally get back in touch with me and he let me know that the people giving me the psychological evaluation would likely do it in a couple of weeks. So, at least I know something, sort of a blind report, but a report nonetheless.
I am going to end up losing my mind in this place. I can already see that. All together though, I've kind of been on the upswing today. My mood has improved again. I'm not entirely sure what sent me into this recent funk, but I think it was a combination of smaller things on top of being stressed. I've had a good day today though, I'm getting my psych eval next week, on Tuesday. Needless today, I'm exited about it, I thought it was going to take longer, but no.
One of the aids here that I was friendly with got fired a week back or so. I thought she was off for some appointments or something, but no. She was fired. Damn.
You could count the non-mentally impaired in this place on one hand, and for some reason, as much as my roommates get cycled out of here for some reason, I never get one of the functional. So far the ones I've had to deal with were bed plants, couldn't get out of bed or do anything. Now they've given me one that is very much like the senile old lady that caused me to get moved to a different hall when I was new here. My current roommate is ambulatory, he gets out of bed and walks around, but his mind isn't there. It's like the lights are on, but flickering and still no one is home. A typical day for him so far has been, get up in the morning, eat, come into the room, look through his drawers to see what's there, walk out into the hall for a few minutes, come back into the room, look through the same drawers to see what's there, walk out for a few minutes, come back in, and repeat that over and over until someone tells him to go lay down or go eat the next meal.
Then we've got a real-life demon here. He exists for no other reason than to irritate people or cause them grief. This is the one I mentioned wanting to murder. Someone just needs to end him. There is no good thing about him, he's belligerent, insulting, obnoxious, he does s$$$ just to irritate people, and if he knows it's irritating, he'll do it more.
Bah!