The wizard takes the first proffered bottle, and drinks it dry. The second he takes and pours it in circles drawn at various intersections of the diagram. Amazingly, the booze pools within the lines, above the floor, rather than overrunning the inscription. The takes a third bottle and drinks it, but in-between drinks, he sprays the contents of his mouth in a fine mist over the golem's body. He punctuates each expulsion with an arcane exclamation. They begin to glisten in the air, then they fade after they land on the golem's body, which also begins to glow with an eerie orange light. The he calls forth in an other-worldly, sing-song voice:
I need more booze...
Muttering a stronger conjuration, the wizard explodes a bottle of Jack in the air above him, showering the room in orange flames that burn up without catching anything.
All Jacks, join with me in calling your chief to hover above us!
Ah, that will do very well for the blood seal.
The wizard takes the poodle and holds it over a crystal bowl. He begins an incantation, at the peak of which, he slits the poodle's throat with a small curved knife. The hot blood spurts and then pours out of the expert cut, into the finely cut bowl. Dipping an ink brush into the blood, he adds a powder and stirs as he takes up a new incantation. He removes the head from the golem shell and reaches inside, chanting as he inscribes an arcane symbol in blood inside of the shell. As his voice raises and he makes elaborate gestures, the lines of the diagram on the floor start to glow. At the bright orange intensity grows, the wizard turns out from the magical dodecagram and calls to the Jacks:
Quickly, bring me a bottle of Jack Daniels.
You killed a poodle you murderer!
Muttering a stronger conjuration, the wizard explodes a bottle of Jack in the air above him, showering the room in orange flames that burn up without catching anything.
All Jacks, join with me in calling your chief to hover above us!
A little orb rolls in. Everyone hears KC's voice in their heads.
"Yeah, if he doesn't come back, we might actually run out of beer. We've been celebrating all week. Heh."
Ooooo! Shiny!
The smurf picks up the orb and goes to a corner, where it gets out its marble collection and starts to play.
Ooooo! Shiny!
The ---- picks up the orb and goes to a corner, where it gets out its marble collection and starts to play.
The ---- is blasted by arcane flame.
"Watch it, moron."
Ooo! This marble is powerful! It blasted my cat's eye to bits!
The spirit has returned!
The wizard proceeds to place the head back onto the golem body. He then opens the mouth and props it to remain open. He pours Jack Daniels down the mouth and utters a power invocation to the spirit, drawing it back into it's body. He then shuts the mouth and prepares for the final stage of the ritual.
His spirit should be in the body now, but it is not bound and integrated yet.
The wizard utters an incantation that causes the crystal shard fixed in the twinning roots at the head of his staff to glow brightly. He dips the staff into the blood and continuing the chant, marks the forehead, mouth, and chest with runes, which glow a bright blue and then fade as if being absorbed by the golem. He then strikes the chest three times, repeating loudly an arcane command. Setting his staff aside, he produces two odd looking silver implements. One he holds over Callous Jack's forehead, the other he uses to open his mouth one final time. He drops a tiny, tightly rolled scroll into his mouth. There is a sound like rushing wind in the room. He then steps back and watches the body for a reaction.
It is done.
He seems to be in a state of metempsychotic arrest. This should wear off.
Callous Jack, can you respond? Can you move or speak?
If he doesn't stir soon, a bolt of electricity may stir him out of it.
Hmm.. I do need a new name, don't i...
Young Jack, it is time for you take your final name. I knew your father. He was a Jack, until he was corrupted by a California attorney and turned to the Sebastian side.
"Hello my friends it's been sooooooooo long I come bearing gifts"
Sits down a plate of hamburgers, some steaks, Teleports in a few kegs of beer and leaves a basket of tribbles
Reggie! Time for skeet!
PJ grabs his shotgun and takes up position as Reggie carries the basket of tribbles over to the catapult.
Ready?
Pull!
BLAM!
Pull!
BLAM!
The shots echo all around the house full of sleeping Jacks, as tribble parts scatter like dandelion seeds on a breezy day.
"But, BUT i LEFT DIPPING SAUCE!"
Oh, thankee kindly, guvn'r. Almost forgot that.
Comes running back, picks up the dipping sauce.
Returns to catapult.
Dip.
Pull!
BLAM!
Dip.
Pull!
BLAM!
The addition to the splatter effect is impressive!
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Sits down a plate of hamburgers, some steaks...
Watch it Tribblet Boy, Hungry Jack® is the resident meal provider around here.
Hearty Meat and Potato Burgers with Apple Butter Ketchup Glaze
Ingredients:
BURGER PATTIES
• 1 tablespoon Crisco® Pure Vegetable Oil
OR 1 tablespoon Crisco® Pure Canola Oil
• 1/3 cup minced onion
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1 1/4 pounds ground beef chuck
• 1/2 cup PET® Evaporated Milk
• 1/4 cup Hungry Jack® Mashed Potatoes, flakes
• 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground pepper
GLAZE
• 1/2 cup Smucker's® Cider Apple Butter
• 1/2 cup Dickinson's® Tomato Ketchup
• Crisco® Butter No-Stick Cooking Spray
• 1 french bread baguette, cut lengthwise, then cut into into 4 pieces crosswise
Preparation Directions:
1. HEAT oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add the onions, cooking for 2 minutes. Add the garlic, cooking one minute more. Cool. Crumble ground chuck into medium bowl. Add onion and garlic mixture, milk, potato flakes, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. Gently combine the ingredients well. Shape meat into four oval patties. Refrigerate.
2. COMBINE apple butter and ketchup with a whisk until well blended. Cover and set aside.
3. COAT unheated grill grate with no-stick cooking spray. Heat grill to medium-high (350° to 400°F). Grill burgers 4 to 6 minutes per side or until juices run clear. Toast bread, if desired (see note). Brush burgers with glaze during last several minutes of cooking. Place a meat patty on each roll bottom, top with additional apple butter-ketchup glaze, if desired, and the roll top.
TIP To toast the bread: SPRAY the inside of bread with butter flavored no-stick cooking spray. Place the bread (cut side down) around the outer edges of the cooking grate. Grill until golden brown.
Prep Time: 30 min
Cook Time: 12 min
"Little know fact. Tribbles fill up like water balloons"
Reggie takes this fact to the carriage house, and returns with a pump.
He then pumps all the remaining tribbles full of dipping sauce before launching them.
Pull!
BLAM!
'told ya, Ya know just for you guys I have another gift'
Rumages though pockets pulls out a bag
"There ya go Never ending bag o' tribbles,"
almost
Nope this was post 4000. Yippee
Wrong thiefy. The Lettuce King got it ....
Reggie! Time for skeet!
PJ grabs his shotgun and takes up position as Reggie carries the basket of tribbles over to the catapult.
Ready?
Pull!
BLAM!
Pull!
BLAM!
The shots echo all around the house full of sleeping Jacks, as tribble parts scatter like dandelion seeds on a breezy day.
*&^%$@!! Who the hell is making all of that noise?! Everybody around here knows I don't like to be woken up before noon!
As JRHM looks out his window and yells,
BLAM!
Exploding tribble parts splatter his face.
Oh, good morning, Righto! Want to join in? Great fun, what-what?
HAW! HAW! HAW!
*Wipes his face and gives PJ a dirty look* *closes window and goes back to bed and uses some Panama Jack's Ear Plugs to reduce the noise* Note to self: Kill Panama when I wake up.
I say, Reggie, I do believe that Righto looked rather peeved. Have you done anything to annoy him recently?
As Righto lays his weary head down, the soothing tropical sounds of Panama Jack's™ Island Rest® ear plugs block out the skeet noises and transport him to a hammock slung between palm trees on a distant tropical shore.
For pity's sake, don't cough that scroll up! I'd hate to have to do that whole ritual over again....although it's a pity the electrical bolts weren't needed...
For pity's sake, don't cough that scroll up! I'd hate to have to do that whole ritual over again....although it's a pity the electrical bolts weren't needed...
Well, our electric chair is still occupied as well.
Welcome back, Boss! Have a Dark & Stormy.
I wonder if this works.
Edit: I guess not. Smurf.
I wonder if this works.
Edit: I guess not. Sm*rf.
GRRRR! YAP! YIPPITY YIP YAP! YAP! YAP!! *Chases the blue gnome*
Why do you hate smurfs?
Hmmm, how many smurfs can fit in the bucket of a catapult?
Where's that shotgun, I have a fever, and the only cure is more...PULL!!!
*BLAMBLAMBLAM*
Damned, that felt good...
Why do you hate sm*rfs?
I don't hate sm*rfs. I just love to eat them. YAP!
|
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Smoky Southwestern Smurf's Pie
Ingredients:
• 1 1/2 pounds lean ground smurf round
• 1/2 cup chopped onion
• 2 cups water
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup milk
• 2 cups Hungry Jack® Mashed Potatoes, flakes
• 1 (4.5 oz.) can chopped green chiles
• 1 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend
• 1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce
• 1 to 2 chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, drained, seeded and chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
• 1 (11 oz.) can vacuum-packed whole kernel corn with red and green peppers, drained
• 1/8 teaspoon paprika
• 1/3 cup sliced green onions
• 1 small tomato, cut into 6 wedges
Preparation Directions:
1. HEAT oven to 400°F. In large skillet, brown ground smurf round with onion over medium-high heat for 8 to 10 minutes or until smurf is thoroughly cooked, stirring frequently.
2. COMBINE water, butter and salt in medium saucepan. Bring to a boil. Remove from heat. Stir in milk and potato flakes. Cover. Let stand 5 minutes. Stir in green chiles and 1/2 cup cheese.
3. DRAIN beef mixture. Add enchilada sauce, chipotle chiles, cumin and oregano. Mix well. Bring to a boil. Spread in ungreased shallow 2-quart casserole. Top with corn. Spread potatoes evenly over corn. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup cheese
4. BAKE 13 to 17 minutes or until cheese is melted and filling is bubbly. Sprinkle with paprika and green onions. Arrange tomato wedges in center of casserole. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.
Yield: 6 Servings
Prep Time: 20 min
Cook Time: 30 min
Mmmm...smvrf pie! yummi!
Did anybody see where the smurf my sparking, talking marble went?
Did anybody see where the smurf my sparking, talking marble went?
PULL!!!!
*BLAMBLAMBLAM*
Um, you mean that marble?
Hey Monterrey Jack, blonde hair makes your eyes stand out!
*winks at Smvrfette MJ*
Hey Monterrey Jack, blonde hair makes your eyes stand out!
*winks at Smvrfette MJ*
Oh, you!
*blushes*
My marble went boom...<sniff>.
I wonder why it had a megalomaniacal personality? Still, it sparked so smurfily; I shall miss it.
Guess I'll go back home to Master.
Brings his plate back.
JH walks out of the clubhouse bathroom, a sour look on his face.
I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
He sings a little tune to the melody of Animal Crackers in my Soup.
Battery acid in my soup,
It cleans me out,
It makes me poop.
Hey Reggie, how about a Shirley Temple?