The ferns rustle. Vakkler Relkav plods through, trailed by a pair of slurks pulling a large wagon laden with tools and supplies. There is a giant pair of pruning shears hefted over his shoulder. He looks over the area, transparent eyelids blinking slowly, and lets out a low whistle between his teeth.

"This is why I never take vacations," the old groundskeeper mutters to himself. He brings the pruning shears to bear. "Those fools always let this place go to hell over summer break."

I started thinking about it.

I also like PF2 because you can play a kobold and you're actually on everyone else's level. PF2 finally ditched that weird hostility to monstrous ancestries.

Vakkler looks up sharply, hearing the explosions loud noises. "Like I said. This school is a nightmare."

He gives Settro a nod as he heads off to the teachers' lounge. "Welcome again, then. If you made it out of the Abyss, you just might make it here.

"Then again..." The kobold rounds a corner and heads out of sight.

Some time later, a high-pitched squeaking and clicking announces the approach of a teetering cart bearing three covered cauldrons. A tiny slurk sits proudly at the front, posing like the figurehead of a very slimy ship. Every now and then, sparks shoot out from the loudly sloshing containers. Whispers of the recently damned rise from the cart and echo through the hall, just barely too quiet to be understood no matter how hard one tries.

Vakkler Relkav trudges forward, mpshing the cart through the halls. With his peg leg, it's not an easy task, but the kobold did harder work during the war. Slarrow isn't helping, of course.

"Honestly," he grumbles, "I could swear I'm the only one here who ever bothers to clean up the teachers' lounge."

I'm currently doing crazy important work down at the totally real Duskscale clan. I mean, Dustscale. It's a very canon plotline, I'll have you know.

icehawk333 wrote:

Also, hey, lyn...

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

Geez, with all this progress going on, do I even have a job at this point?

Musta gotten hired for my good looks...

and our kobold history teacher is lvl 8 I think

Technically, level 13, but six of those levels are in Expert.

Just popping in to nab the 35,000th post. :)

Absolute balderdash.

Vakkler looks up sharply, hearing the explosions loud noises. "Like I said. This school is a nightmare."

He gives Settro a nod as he heads off to the teachers' lounge. "Welcome again, then. If you made it out of the Abyss, you just might make it here.

"Then again..." The kobold rounds a corner and heads out of sight.

"Hmph. One would think they'd call it a demon lady, but I suppose demons care little for clarity."

Vakkler looks around. "I suppose the Abyss is probably a worse place. Avalon will fool you, though." He scowls. "Even the most innocent-seeming students are liable to try and kill you. Or turn you into a frog, in your case. Transmutation, and all. Imitate teachers like myself and Ms. Jones and you'll be fine. Imitate teachers like the unlucky Mr. Gilly, on the other hand..."

He grimaces. "Well, just don't show weakness and you should be fine."

Yeah, I checked his description. For the record, Vakkler is a middle-aged kobold in a muddy, dried slurk slime-covered suit. He wears a large backpack with an oversized crossbow strapped to it. Oh, and there's a tiny white fanged frog dripping slime on his shoulder.

Vakkler scratches his head. "I see. Demon lord? I trust you've severed ties with him, of course."

After a moment, he reaches up to shake hands. "I am Professor Relkav, of Agarthian History, and the gamekeeper of this mess we call a school. Welcome to the staff. Kurtulmak help you."

Vakkler notices Settro, and pauses in his ranting. He squints, looking over Settro with an analytical eye.

"First, teacher or student? Second, devil or demon?"

His tongue clicks as he notes the shackles. "An amendment to the first question: Teacher, student or captive? Not that those are uncommon among our students, but it is certainly worth asking."

Vakkler looks close to slapping the cafeteria cook as he sees the pizzas being taken out of the oven. "Agarthian cheese bread. Cheese bread! In my school!"

He spits to the side and stomps out of the cafeteria. "Why not just serve up fried otyugh? It's cheaper! And since I still haven't gotten clearance for that idea about the lava traps, it's clear that cost is an object to this school. Why not just buy greaseballs from that goblin tribe? Cheaper and easier to pack! Far cheaper than my idea for the trained guard choker for the Headmaster's office. Or maybe we could just skip the niceties and give them a nice bowl of scorpion poison! Bah!"

The diminutive gamekeeper continues ranting as he patrols the hallways, giving murderous looks to any students unwise enough to take cover.

Actually, since the existing Patrons each work on keeping things in Balance, there's no irony at all.

I'd disagree with this. Some of the Patrons do, but a good few--and I'm pretty sure I'm not just talking about Fear--only maintain balance when it benefits them. I doubt they have Balance's impartiality. Like Icehawk said, they can be kinda childish. ;D

There are exceptions to this, but it seems like Avalon has become a place for powerful beings to gather but not necessarily with any expectation of anyone controlling or keeping those powerful people in check for their own good or for anyone else's good around Avalon.

I can't be in two places at once, you know!

Unless you're vakkler, but he doesn't need to be fair.

Sometimes excessive force is just enough force.

I don't think anyone here wants that. It's one thing to not take any crap from fellow students, but there should be respect, even if it's grudging, for the staff at all times. Even Vakkler.

Preach it!

Of course, Amber and Opel are hardly the first to misunderstand how telepathy works. Vakkler still thinks he's being magically monitored by the Headmaster at all times.

Vakkler heads to the cafeteria, wondering if the inferior palettes of the Agarthian cooks had finally seen fit to allow some good, wriggling food on the menu. His personal supply of rot grubs was all well and good, but most of the nutrients were lost during the pickling process.

I remember back when people just assumed by default that rules would be used save when both parties decided to handwave something. Is there a reason asking for rules is now seen as running counter to the goals of the game? This ain't a free-form roleplay, after all.

I'm not trying to start nothin', but for my (limited) part, I'll always expect someone to post the exact perimeters of their spell if they want it to affect one of my guys. That's just general sense and courtesy. :P

I'm posting as Vakkler because I realized how crotchety I ended up sounding. ;D

Vakkler stares at Opel and Amber for a good, long moment.
He clears his throat. "It appears you have an appointment, Headmaster. I shall leave you now."
The kobold turns and leaves.

"History is written by the survivors and the winners." The Headmaster responds diplomatically, nodding once. "but that's neither here nor there. Until history is proven right or wrong for sure, I see no reason to change your teachings as of right now."

Vakkler's odd look remains, but he nods back. "Of course. Well. I suppose that's all. Aside from the attack, anything I should know about?"

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

narrator wrote:

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

This is the point where I'd worry I'd made some major flip-up, but given how long the kobold lore has been up on the Campaign Info tab, I'm gonna stick to my guns until the mistake is pointed out to me. According to the Kobold Lore over there, kobolds were placed in the planet before Agarthians arrived and had what they liked to call an 'empire'. There was also already an Underdark in place. At the time, none of this got turned down.
Like I said, though, I'm gonna wait for someone to point out the blunder I made. Ain't gonna get my hopes too high. ;)

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

This is the point where I'd worry I'd made some major flip-up, but given how long the kobold lore has been up on the Campaign Info tab, I'm gonna stick to my guns until the mistake is pointed out to me. According to the Kobold Lore over there, kobolds were placed in the planet before Agarthians arrived and had what they liked to call an 'empire'. There was also already an Underdark in place. At the time, none of this got turned down.
Like I said, though, I'm gonna wait for someone to point out the blunder I made. Ain't gonna get my hopes too high. ;)

** spoiler omitted **

Wait... does Vakkler follow this religion of the kobolds? Cause... it would not be healthy for Vai to have people worshipping her... O_O

Well, he's not as devout about it as most of his race--just like he's not as evil as most of his race. That's why he's not worshiping Ephebe, the only dragon he knows for sure about.

But his IC knowledge is hilariously limited, so it's hard to be sure. If he finds out a chromatic dragon is at the school...well, it might make things uncomfortable for both parties. ;D

Hey, I'm pretty happy with Vakkler's current character growth. If I wanted, I could easily Trickster Mode-style skip past his struggles, but what fun would that be? ;D

"Remind them that in order for them to have come to this world, that their ancestors had to turn their backs on chromatic dragons and come here with the first amethysts that created our world."

Vakkler gets...an odd look. It seems like he's angry, but trying to hide it. While the professor is quite often furious about something or other, concealing it is unusual.

"It seems you should be attending my class, Headmaster. Kobolds and Agarthians are two very different species. We were in the planet long before anyone got it in their heads to hollow it out, and we were placed there by our god to await further instructions."

This is the point where I'd worry I'd made some major flip-up, but given how long the kobold lore has been up on the Campaign Info tab, I'm gonna stick to my guns until the mistake is pointed out to me. According to the Kobold Lore over there, kobolds were placed in the planet before Agarthians arrived and had what they liked to call an 'empire'. There was also already an Underdark in place. At the time, none of this got turned down.
Like I said, though, I'm gonna wait for someone to point out the blunder I made. Ain't gonna get my hopes too high. ;)

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

Vakkler's eyes widen. "Well, that explains why the Dustscales were so fixated on this school." He chuckles.

Immediately, his expression goes sour. "Would people know what type of dragon is common here?"

"Amethyst dragons, by far. Though we do have a black dragon, a blue dragon, and a red dragon here. Why do you ask?"

The professor fidgets with the straps holding his oversized crossbow in place. "According to our religion, kobolds were created by a great and powerful son of Tiamat named Kurtulmak. We were meant to serve Kurtulmak--and, by extension, all chromatic dragons."

Vakkler takes Slarrow from Ryo and sets the slurk on his shoulder. He sounds a bit pained as he continues. "As I said the previous time we discussed dragons, my kind take that sort of thing very seriously. If...they mingled with Agarthians enough to realize what's up there in the sky, they might feel their loyalties becoming...tenuous."

Vakkler's eyes widen. "Well, that explains why the Dustscales were so fixated on this school." He chuckles.

Immediately, his expression goes sour. "Would people know what type of dragon is common here?"

"Bah!" Vakkler rubs his forehead. "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter."

He steps inside and shuts the door, giving Opel and Amber a distasteful look. He turns back to Ryo. "My efforts with the Dustscale tribe didn't go well, but I think they're at least holding off on the riots for now. Nobody down there is happy about the inversion, I can tell you that. The duergars blame the Agarthian dwarves. The drow blame the Agarthian elves. And the svirfneblin seem to think all the Agarthians just mucked something up.

"It's just a good thing nobody knows we've got a bunch of..."

His eyes dart from side to side. He steps away from the door, voice lowering to a hiss. "...dragons."

*DRAMATIC CHORD*

"I've been better. Like I said in the letter--"
Vakkler stops, noticing that the letter is still tied to Slarrow's leg. He glares at Slarrow. "The slurk only just arrived now, did he?"

"Not really. Never spend money on anything that's gonna get covered in slurk slime and sewage."
Vakkler peers at the Headmaster. "School was attacked, eh? By who? Seems the whole world is starting to revolve around this...place."

"A new set of robes? Really?"

Vakkler gives another ghastly 'smile'. "Headmaster. I'm sure I've missed quite a bit."

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

Yup! Aside from a rickety crossbow-like apparatus strapped to his back, and a fair few pouches at his belt, he's a pretty ordinary-looking dude.

Vakkler scowls at Kezzin. ** spoiler omitted **
He gestures to the two-headed fey looming over him and gives a short, barking laugh.
** spoiler omitted **

Professor Relkav seems naturally more at ease around his own kind, even when his kind is twice his size and possessing two extra limbs.

Kezzin shrugs apologetically.

** spoiler omitted **

Vakkler doesn't seem to notice Opel's reaction.

Vakkler Relkav wrote:

Vakkler looks a bit nonplussed at the oversized winged member of his race. He nods back, calling out a yappy greeting.

Kezzin smiles a bit when he hears his own language since, though many can speak it, not many can get all the nuances of the language exactly right. He stops and bows to Vakkler, responding in kind.

I am assuming that Vakkler actually looks like an older kobold?

** spoiler omitted **

Yup! Aside from a rickety crossbow-like apparatus strapped to his back, and a fair few pouches at his belt, he's a pretty ordinary-looking dude.

Professor Relkav seems naturally more at ease around his own kind, even when his kind is twice his size and possessing two extra limbs.

Note: Amber and Opel have been expelled from their last four schools, they fully expect to be thrown out of this one as well, this is kind of their dads last hope at getting them an education worth a darn, ripping them is fine, their used it, in fact your just being like all the other teachers they have meet. Being the man and giving them a hard time for having a good time and enjoying jokes.

:)

Excellent! So happy to know the little whelps won't be disappointed when they get what they deserve. Because I was so worried about their feelings.

;D

Opel lots at the proff,

"It's because where Fey isn't it, elves, human you would have let off, but not fey, no, always picked on by the man."

I know I'm going to seem like a jackass here, but I'm having trouble understanding what you're saying. I assume there's a good reason, so I'm not complaining, but could you clarify 'lots'?

Vakkler lets out a low hiss to match Opel's. "Agarthians are Agarthians. I am far too busy to bear prejudices towards specific varieties."

Kezzin walks by Vakkler, Opel and Amber on his way to lunch with a violin case tucked under one arm. He nods politely to Vakkler, then glances curiously at the twins before nodding politely to them as well.

Kezzin is large for a kobold, almost medium size, and is even more profoundly draconic in appearance than the typical kobold even discounting the translucent wings folded across his back.

Vakkler looks a bit nonplussed at the oversized winged member of his race. He nods back, calling out a yappy greeting.

Seems like everyone and their mother are confident and assured bad asses willing to give just anyone lip. Is that fun for folks?

I know I personally enjoy having Vakkler figuratively rip those guys a new one. Most of these "badasses" are pretty darn unimpressive in a school founded by an epic cardcaster, a magic space gunslinger, and a freakin' dragon.

It is a challenge to keep Vakkler's core personality present beneath it all, though. He goes between being the Snape and the Worf, depending on who he's talking to.

Opel looks at him with a level look
"All right, all right, Professor Relic, whined ya nick in, no need to get snappy at my sister"

Amber looks at her sister, and whispers
"Think we touched a saw point, think he gets a bit to close to the handsome ones"

Opel whispers back wile looking at the kobolt.
"Could be sister, you know the type, single, spending his life working with kids, runs a 'club' for the special ones, takes em on trips,

Amber looking, nodding at the little kobolt
"Humm heeer"

Opel looks at him nodding as well.

Perception: 1d20 + 18 ⇒ (10) + 18 = 28

Vakkler looks at them coldly, his reptilian face showing no emotion. "You know, I'm not even angry. I'm grateful. Thank you."

He rolls his eyes, turning away. "Had you been the first brats I'd run into on my return, that pathetic attempt might have actually angered me. As it happens, you're not, so it didn't. And why this entire school seems to have decided I am 'fun' to bait is beyond me, but I don't care. I am simply grateful that you're all so eager for me to know who the troublemakers are."

He turns back, stomping his foot. "Detention tomorrow in the old Necromancy classroom. For blatant disrespect and vulgarity towards an authority figure!"

And here we go again. Just wonderful.

Amber smiles at the little kobolt looking all miffed at the door.
"How about little kobolt we try and break in, would not be the first time fo.."

Opel
"No, thats how we got kicked out the second school were kicked out of, not again, I remember that mans face when we caught him with the kid with Glasses and the funny scar on his forehead"

Amber looking defiant
"The police thanked us"

Opel
"Yes they did Amber up until the point you tried to sell photos to the press"

Amber looks dejected
"Humm, would have made us a mint to, evidence my..."

Opel
"Just no! Amber ok"

Vakkler stares at the strange creature.

That's ridiculous! You should know I never use magic if I can help it!

Oh, and sorry to hear that. Hope you do feel better tomorrow!

Well, Vakkler's escorted a good many pesky whippersnappers to the Headmaster in his day, and he's never been kept waiting! He's kind of a big deal, y'know!

Vakkler is still standing still by the Headmaster's door.

He clicks his tongue, knocks twice more, and goes back to waiting.

Vakkler arrives at the Headmaster's door and knocks twice. When there's no answer, he stiffens.

The kobold stands still and waits.

"Yeah, I signed up and I'm a registered student. If you're a teacher, you're the first one that had any problem with me. I think you're just ornery. You need to get happier."

hand forms itself from the ooze and wiggles it's finger at you.

"Ah, excellent!" Vakkler gives the kobold version of a smile. It's ghastly. "Then I'll see you tomorrow in the old Necromancy classroom. Detention; for extreme disrespect, entering forbidden areas of the school, and believing yourself to be above the rules other students are bound to. Failure to attend will result in further punishment."

His 'smile' fades. "And before you claim that you need not attend because you believe my reasons for complaint are inadequate, know this: I am a teacher, and it is not your place to decide mine."

He turns and stalks away, determinedly ignoring any comebacks Roel might offer. Before I left, the merest hint of disrespect shown towards me was seen as suicide. Now they challenge me openly. Shameful.

"Does the Headmaster even know you're here?"

the umbrella splats into roel, not leaving a scratch. He then starts pulling on the umbrella without thinking. He starts bubbling, making a sound rather similar to laughter.
"Stop! Stop! That tickles!"
he melts himself back down and wraps himself around vakkler's legs.
"You're funny!"

Vakkler stuffs the umbrella under his belt and steps out of Roel, hissing. He folds his arms when he's clear. "With the exception of a select few, all underage in this school afford their teachers respect. Failure to do so will land you in detention, expelled, or worse."

In fairness, Vakkler is one of the easiest teachers to 'break'. Guy's got half his levels in an NPC class. ;D

"Nah. No chance I'm referring to you as such. I'm heading back to the sewer soon today for a while anyway, so see ya."

Vakkler stares at Roel. His eyes bulge. "You...you..."

For a moment, the little kobold is silent.

He brings back his umbrella and hits Roel on the 'head' with it.

"Bad slime! Bad slime!"

"Nah. No chance I'm referring to you as such. I'm heading back to the sewer soon today for a while anyway, so see ya."

Wow. I, uh, need a moment to compose myself before I can have Vakkler lose his composure. There are so many things to make Vakkler mad here, it's hard to decide on a reaction. XD

Vakkler's scowl deepens. "I can tell you're new here."

He begins to pace in front of Roel. "First, I will be addressed as 'Sir', or 'Professor', as I am your superior and must be afforded due respect. Second, don't take that Agarthian form in front of me. It's making me nauseous. And third—and this is most important of all—I want to make one thing perfectly clear."

He reaches up and snaps the umbrella shut. "I teach History of Agartha, and your world's warped past is all I am obliged to explain to anyone or anything. If you want a student registry, talk to the Headmaster."

He gives a curt nod as he turns away. "Sometime later, though. As it happens, I've just returned from a long journey and must inform the Headmaster that classes will be resuming shortly. Obviously, my meeting must take precedence."