Avatar of Zon-Kuthon's page

You and I should party more often, Urgathoa!

I apologise for my new character, he's quite the wild one and he meant hood not door.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Listen, you NEVER want to be THAT guy! Because if you are THAT guy, then you can say bye, bye to being invited to all of the hottest parties and all the must see events. Why? Because everyone hates THAT guy!

No kidding!

I heard an explosion! Is everyone alright? Has the bulette stampede stopped? Why are there people screaming and clawing their eyes out?

Look out! The bulette stampede have eaten every last halfling and now they are starting to go after everyone else!

*Legs it to safety, hopefully.*

Ah yes, there's a slight problem with that...

*Points to the right showing a massive amount of large creatures that seem to be sharks on legs.*

The bulette breeding programme at the local zoo was a complete success, too much of a success as a matter of fact, because every single bulette has escaped and eating every halfling in sight!

Careful, your name sounds almost like a certain brand of chocolate.

Absolutely! Particularly when you are playing 'catch' and one person has the shark launcher and the other one has a chainsaw! It's the best way to make sushi.

Sissyl has forgotten that every time she hopes, she is set on fire by her 'hat'.

GoatToucher has a cream for EVERYTHING! And although you may not want his products, at least they work and easily obtainable (not to mention free).

Typical! Dwarves really are so loud it's actually possible for anyone (not just elves) to shoot them in the dark.

Let me guess, Pulg, you have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of fox?

If you have those things in play, then tell me: where on the map is 'play'?

Joe have got to be kidding, only three people have posted thus far?

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Dude

Dude who?

Activate my face down trap card: Termination of contract! Your old maid has been made redundant and sent packing!

*Draws a card from the deck.*

I play the spell card: four of a kind! Allowing me to summon for diamond tokens to the field!

Impressive.

Wood dragon: contrary to the name and appearance of this creature, it is not actually a dragon at all but instead a construct made of wood that sometimes serves as a protector of woodland (usually at the bidding of a long dead druid who made the construct in the first place). Despite possessing this knowledge, people often find that these 'golems in draconic form' actually act very similar to a real dragon (even going so far as to use breath weapons and mimicking the treasure hoarding habits that dragons are reputed for). A wood dragon is an elemental with the advanced dragon template and has the same CR as an adult to ancient dragon. Some wood dragons are in fact undead spirits of dragons given 'new life's in wooden bodies. These versions are much more dangerous and usually guard haunted forests or covens of evil forest dwelling witches. This type of wood dragon is treated as an undead creature with both the elemental and dragon advanced template with a CR that is five plus the normal wood dragon CR based on how old the creature is.

New substance: dental plaque

Trap-Floor: A malevolent wood elemental originally designed by the most craftiest of wizards to protect their homes and possessions against would-be thieves. A Trap-Floor hides in wait, often right at the front door or a window, ready for an unsuspecting foot to step on them. A Trap-Floor will usually eats the intruder, but can be ordered to merely hold them in place if the homeowner wishes to interrogate the thief personally. Some Trap-Floors, however, through neglect or misuse often go rogue and devour the person whose house they were supposed to protect. Rogue Trap-Floors will then wait patiently, in the seemingly abandoned house, eager for a new victim. Despite having bouts of hunger, Trap-Floors cannot starve and as such, only be killed in the same fashion as any other wood elemental. Although fire is discouraged as people want to keep the house. To tell if a house is inhabited by Trap-Floors, either use a custom made 'false foot' to test the ground or look for panels that are much more wrinkled than usual.

New substance: forest/jungle wood

Is there any other threads that you can revive then, Postocles?

Don't ask me, Vick, GoatToucher is the one responsible for making my new bodies so go talk to him... if you dare.

*After regaining a new (and hopefully stable) body, sets up a debate contest.*

Excellent rebuttal, Pulg!

*Turns to IHIYC.*

IHIYC, you may now counter rebuttal!

Speaking of the winner, GoatToucher needs the Marshall badge and Jokey needs the sheriff badge (Marshalls rank higher than sheriffs). And I must admit I'm proud of GoatToucher, he excelled far beyond the expectations of all. I can't wait to find out what...

*Feels extreme internal pain.*

UGH!

*Buckles over and falls on to the floor clutching stomach.*

I... I think this body has become unstable, it's decomposing...

*Dies, body turns into horrid, green goo, spirit travels back to GoatToucher's lab.*

GoatToucher should not rule this city, since when did you find things unseemly?

Oh, a handyman are you? Well perhaps you can help fix GoatToucher's workroom and lab they're not looking so good. And don't worry, GoatToucher always makes sure to pay people most handsomely.

*Picks up a brick and shows it to MBT.*

Look, MBT, the Magical Brick of Destiny!

*Hands the brick over.*

It's said that whoever hits themselves over the head with the brick will be granted great power to rule all of existence.

Look, if you don't care, then leave this thread. Although I recommend that you stay, because GoatToucher and Jokey have yet to resolve their showdown.

Looks like we're going to have ourselves a classic show down folks!

*Sets up an old wild west town complete with the music and visual effects.*

Good, but something's missing... I know!

*Places cowboy on Jokey and GoatToucher. Then gives Pulg two badges.*

Whoever wins is the Marshall and the other is the sheriff.

*Promptly leaves.*

It's rude to meddle with people's speeches. But it's also fun to do, so really, you just have to weigh the options of either being polite or being boring. Because, alas, you can't be both.

*Shrugs.*

*As a horde of bees attack everyone else on this thread, I inspect my new body, as I didn't do it before.*

My skin...it feels so supple...

*Prods arm and a wave of sensation, both pleasant and not, washes through me.*

And so sensitive too.

*Leaves GoatToucher's lab and find everyone has dealt with the bees and that TFF and Shere Kahn fall into the classic Flintstone gag that happens at the end of every episode.*

*Snigger*

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

*Dies from laughing too much, awakens back in GoatToucher's lab.*

Oh, I'm here again, am I?

Call Fred 'Fuzzbutt' at your own peril, MBT.

*Emerges from a large container, dripping with a strange, green liquid.*

Where am I?

*A machine in the ceiling drops a black silk cloak to cover myself as I look around the dark, ominous room that looks an awful lot like Shang Tsung's flesh pits only the bodies in the other containers are also me (or rather lifeless clones of me) that's when I spot a desk in the middle of the room.*

What do we have here?

*I read the paperwork on the desk and discover that GoatToucher is using his own flesh to resurrect me. I drop the paperwork in shock and the last page remains face up with the following words, written in GoatToucher's own handwriting: "the experiments have been successful, Zon-Kuthon will be eternal, the avatars must be mass produced. Luckily, I have plenty of flesh (and 'volunteers') to achieve this.*

Oh, I don't like the way he's looking do you folks? I think I will instead find out what is behind this door.

*Opens the door and sees Jokey dancing and singing to the song "I should be so lucky" and shoots self in the head because of it. After a while, MBT walks by, he looks at my dead body and then into the room with Jokey still singing and dancing before picking up my gun and killing himself... probably for the hell of it.*

Wow, I repost and a chain reaction occurs. Talk about having the gift to get the ball rolling again!

A new week, a new win!

Molten Dragon doesn't relax, he finds it quite tiring and stressful.

*Still being violently ill.*

Questions:

1) Hello doctor? It's Mahatma. Mahatma Gandhi. How many Mahatmas do you know?

2) How many times did you have to be vaccinated to prevent being targeted by GoatToucher?

3) I just saw some red balloons go by. How many did you release again?

Next poster, here's your answers:

1) Not a very good memory boys and girls, not a very good doctor either, but he is local.

2) Well I'm sitting in a hotel in Morgan City, looking at a crooked picture on the wall. The TV don't work, I've got a headache and the woman that I'm waiting for, she didn't call at all.

3) And THAT is why Bleached Otyugh will NEVER eat GoatToucher for as long as either of them live.

And GoatToucher doesn't even remove the fins, he lightly simmers the shark in warm water and then sucks the fins dry!

*Goes pale green.*

Excuse me for a moment...

*Vomit sounds.*

How sweet! :-)

KenderKin has a secret agent grandma!

Do you care about anything at all?

KenderKin has disturbed the dirt.

Gorilla Grodd needs to take a break, it's my time now.

The resulting confusion caused KenderKin to laugh so hard, that his older self 50 years in the future broke wind.

What are we going to do? Besides entertaining ourselves with trying to obtain the Win and doing what we want when we have it of course.

Uh, why did I just get the blame? All of this nonsense happened regardless of MY involvement. On a tangent, Cronby is still down that well.

Uncle Teddy is the voice of Charlie Brown and his bear, Fred, is the voice of Snoopy.