Artephius the Alchemical Golem's page

37 posts. Alias of Kileanna.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I can do some field research, my Master of the Vid.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

She isn't. She bleeds like any other flesh being.

Just make sure your players have a way to notice this flaws and a chance to neuter them if they play wisely before they become a major hindrance or they can become an annoyance and very disappointing.

In Way of the Wicked...

...there is an alchemical golem who is a total psycho. It hasn't any problems in working with non living creatures or with anyone it recognizes as its master. But if left alone with other living creatures it kills them.
My players repaired the golem to get it back to work. I could have just let them know the flaws of the golem before it killed someone important for them. If that happened, the players would have probably dismantled the golem again, and with a good reason.
Having a minion that causes more trouble than it's worth is not cool. If you can control it, good, if you cannot, screw the minion.
So I had the golem to do some irrelevant killings (mostly forest animals) so the players figured out that it was something wrong with the golem. And they reacted well to it.
They pictured how to use it to avoid his psycho instincts to turn on by making it watch empty places or taking it with themselves so he doesn't run rampant. They find interesting and even funny that their golem is a psycho. But if it had caused them major trouble they would have reacted in a complete different way.

Nope, but some of my aliases are.

It obstructs my elemental conducts.

The next poster feeds only on one specific food.

I like fire.
And ice.
And electricity.
And acid.
It keeps living forms from living.
All living forms should stop living.

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Today, at WotW.

Alric (Tyrant Antipaladin) to Artephius (psycho Alchemical Golem): Don't kill him.
Artephius: Yes, Sir.

*Makes a full attack on the wounded enemy*

Artephius: You are commanded not to die.

*Enemy falls at negative hit points*

Artephius: He might have disobeyed, Sir.

*Makes a screeching noise when he starts to move*
Resistance is strongly encouraged.
It makes everything more interesting.

*Gets out of the Maze just because the spell has expired. Artephius is immobile, looking like he hasn't even tried to get out of the Maze*

Yes, My Lord. I'll do it with delight.

*Destroys everything, sets the house on fire and proceeds to slay any witnesses or collaborators in the film*

The next poster will stop Artephius before he goes completely wild*

The prunes are preventing them from being banished, Master.

*Blasts everything with an elemental storm anyway*

Word games.
That's what happens when you let the uninvited guests in.

I'm sorry, Master. I'm overwhelmed.

The only solution is killing them all.

*Aims his elemental cannons*

If you consent...

Too many uninvited guests here. Carnage is proving unnefective.

What are your commands, Master?

I sincerely hope you command me to shut up the noise-making man.

Inside my metallic head, of course. It is a brain.

*Continues trying to kill the Really Old Gamer while calmly talking to him*

My Creator sure knew what purpose it served. I only know it is there.

*Blasts more uninvited prunes*

Stupid guests.
That prunes cannot hurt me and I am unable to feel humiliation or anger.

*Keeps blasting everything*

And I might not have a mind but I have a brain. It used to belong to an elf.

You have attacked my Master.


*Delightfully blasts the Really Old Gamer, over and over and over again*

I am a good servant, Master. And definitely not a dog.

I cannot feel the patting either, but I apreciate the gesture.

Now, back to work.

*Aims at Seleena*

Is the dark cloaked blueish woman an uninvited guest?

*Looks closely at the Minion, his single eye shining what could be... mercy?*
*Definitely not*
*Blasts the four elements at once on the minion*

I am a good servant.
Of course I am.

*Aims the hand cannon at the Minion*

Are you an uninvited guest? Please, tell me you are.

Those prunes are uninvited guests.

*Blasts the prunes with his cannons, splashing them everywhere*

*A blast of acid lands on Danger Bear's face*

Best. Party. Ever.

Uninvited guests.
They are everywhere.
I. Must. Take. Care. Of. Them.

*Starts throwing elemental bombs everywhere*

(Jokey has Polly-morphed to Bongo too!)

Uninvited guests are not welcome. Resistance is futile but recommended.

*Shoots ice to Bongo-Jokey*

You are encouraged to run away. You can start crying if you desire.

*Shoots another guest «by accident»*

Uncle Teddy wrote:

Commie? Me? No, I'm a Lawful Anarchist.

Artephius, I meant if someone asked where their seat was to point them to it and, if they require or ask, walk them to it - not to point your cannons at them. You use those on the uninvited guests.

*Artephius' single eye glows with expectation*

Where can I find one of these... uninvited guests?

You cannot kill what's never been alive.

The next poster has already died a few times, but is OK with it.

Uncle Teddy wrote:

* points to the massive banquet table *

Please help everyone to their assigned seats.

*Points at everybody with his elemental cannons*

Please move to your seats in line and in an ordered way. Do not cause disturbance or you'll be eliminated.
Please enjoy the banquet. Having fun is compulsory.

What are your demands, Uncle Teddy?
Artephius is your humble servant.

Machines are not a threat. Living forms are. Just give the order, my Master, and Artephius will gladly take care.
That means hot and cold and acid and electric fun every night and day. The goodness of being an alchemical golem.

The next poster is doing something to avoid machines taking over.

Role Model

Finally, one to understand the poor, misunderstood Artephius.

Despite my lack of capacity of eating and hating, I hate everything from which living forms can gain nourishment.

The next poster likes playing with food.

I am Dr. Pirate's Caddie. I slay those evil balls that dare to go where they shouldn't be going. They are a plague.

The next poster used to hire me as a caddie before, but stopped to do so after a painful experience.

So bad this humble servant has no real life, Master. I'll give many other lifes for my Master willingly, though.

The next poster is not willing to give his life for my master at all.

Not yet? I wish I had counted how many posts I needed to do.
Getting tired.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I have 200 personalities, all of them Abraham Lincoln. I was born in 200 log cabins...

The next poster also enjoyed Futurama.

Understood, sir. Activating killing mode right now.

The next poster runs for cover.

I can perform ten hundred instrumental sounds, sir. Sad trombone is a personal favorite after smashing some unwelcome intruders.

Next poster has been attacked by unknown enemies.